lunarvalleysbetterplanet

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

fuck it if i can't have us he knows how to ball i know aristotle so i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street and for a fortnight FLORIDA!!!!!! i look in people's windows like i'm some deranged weirdo cross your thoughtless heart only liquor anoints you my beloved ghost and me, d-y-i-n-g i would've died for your sins instead i just died inside and you deserve prison but you won't get time i'm so depressed i act like it's my birthday everyday

this is my brain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and this is not even an exhaustive list of the lyrics bouncing around my brain constantly...

#ttpd #ttpd the anthology #this album is so good #taylor swift

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the land of poets 🎨 alef vernon.

#taylor swift #fanart

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My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.

Juliette Lewis (via thehopefulquotes)

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#taylor swift #the prophecy

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"you cant heal if you pretend you're not hurt"

-filmythings

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People say “phase” like impermanence means insignificance. Show me a permanent state of the self.

#this just altered my brain chemistry

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

my thoughts on 'I hate it here' and the "backlash" against those particular lyrics:

My friends used to play a game where We would pick a decade We wished we could live in instead of this I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists And getting married off for the highest bid Everyone would look down 'cause it wasn't fun now Seems like it was never even fun back then Nostalgia is a mind's trick If I'd been there, I'd hate it It was freezing in the palace

without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid ie. she recognizes it was a shit time to live. the 1830's was the romantic era, the year Emily Dickinson was born and the book secret gardens starts in the 1830's as well. all of those facts matter in context with the rest of the song. it's about getting lost in a fantasy because things are terrible irl. romanticising your life and trying to believe everything is okay.

Her saying without all the racists is a nod to being young and immature but still recognizing that hey, things were bad then. it's not downplaying slavery or the other host of issues from that time. i am pretty sure if t.s. had managed to write about every single bad thing going on in 1830 people would just give her shit for that too. and the whole point is that she ruined the game by bringing up that things would be awful. nostalgia is a mind's trick. they're all caught up on the romanticism of the 'good' and she knows it.

she says the game wasn't even fun while she was playing it.

i remember how popular quizzes like 'what decade are you' used to be. or how many times i've heard someone say "i totally belonged in the 70's". It's clueless and tone deaf to the way real life was in the past, but that is the point.

by all means dislike t.s. but at least consider that this is false outrage. the entire lyrics are below:

[Verse 1] Quick, quick, tell me something awful Like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy Tell me all your secrets, all you'll ever be is My eternal consolation prize You see, I was a debutante in another life, but Now I seem to be scared to go outside If comfort is a construct, I don't believe in good luck Now that I know what's what [Chorus] I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to, the only one is mine I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here I hate it here [Verse 2] My friends used to play a game where We would pick a decade We wished we could live in instead of this I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists And getting married off for the highest bid Everyone would look down 'cause it wasn't fun now Seems like it was never even fun back then Nostalgia is a mind's trick If I'd been there, I'd hate it It was freezing in the palace [Chorus] I hate it here so I will go to lunar valleys in my mind When they found a better planet, only the gentle survived I dreamed about it in the dark, the night I felt like I might die No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here I hate it here [Bridge] I'm lonely, but I'm good I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose This place made me feel worthless Lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me And in my fantasies, I rise above it And way up there, I actually love it [Chorus] I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to, the only one is mine I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here I hate it here [Outro] Quick, quick, tell me something awful Like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy

#be for real she was not downplaying slavery and the plague and every other thing going on in the early 19th century #its giving faux outrage simply because people do not like her #maybe listen to the whole song and see the point/the context of this verse #secret garden starts in the late 1830s #emily dickinson was born in the 1830s #romanticism being the type of poetry popular during that time #like come on #so out of context #i hate it here #taylor swift #ttpd anthology #this song means so much to me as someone who deals with maladaptive daydreams sigh

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And I sound like an infant Feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen A greater woman stays cool But I howl like a wolf at the moon And I look unstable Gathered with a coven 'round a sorceress' table A greater woman has faith But even statues crumble if they're made to wait I'm so afraid I sealed my fate No sign of soulmates I'm just a paperweight in shades of greige Spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be okay

the way she sings the last please, broken and soft, tired in her in resolute hope despite the fear she's crumbling and faithless. will it ever be me? did I do this to myself? is the reason i feel so intrinsically unlovable my own fault? is there anyone out there who could ever love me when faced with all my instability and howling at the moon? this one is for the girlies who are chronically single, who've always felt unworthy of love, who are both hopeful and faithless. the tolerated ones. the ones who are always the second choice, always feeling left behind.

devastating, truly.

#taylor swift #the prophecy #ttpd #the anthology

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

t.s. songs to show my therapist

with ttpd coming out, i decided to make a playlist of the t.s. songs that i find most personally emotionally devastating.

this is the playlist of someone that should absolutely be going to therapy regularly <3.

#taylor swift playlist #t.s. songs to show my therapist #including songs from ttpd #the prophecy and i hate it here it like a freight train good god #Spotify

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

Maladaptive daydreamers, arise. Are we all crying over I Hate It Here?

The way nostalgia can make things better than they really were. The danger of losing one's self to the secret gardens in the mind because it was the only safe place we could find. All the trauma and pain of our real lives made us feel worthless so we had to retreat to an inner fairy tale world. Building worlds based on the worlds we read about, the worlds we see on television. Combating soul deep loneliness with fictional characters to the point we close ourselves off from the people in our actual lives. Our romantic delusions that feel electric but the loneliness isn't really gone. People need a key to visit our secret world, but we hold the key and we aren't giving it away. Is losing years to our silly little daydreams worth it?

"I'm so afraid I sealed my fate...

No sign of soulmates"

Is it too late now that time is lost to our fantastical, romantic inner life?

#reblogging to my journal sideblog #because this song is wrecking me #taylor swift

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

i hate it here - taylor swift

#relatable

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#adhd

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"Don't let this darkness fool you. All lights turned off can be turned on."

This lyric from Noah Kahan's Call Your Mom has just been on repeat in my brain for weeks. I've spent so much of my life in despair and depression that sometimes the darkness literally feels inescapable. Between the childhood trauma and the religious trauma and the intense loneliness, I've felt like I barely tread water at the best of times. Far too often it has felt like drowning. A loss of control over my ability to stay afloat. Darkness that seeps in from all sides and presses in at a weight that no person is meant to withstand.

When the darkness has a hold of you, it lies. It's an insidious insistence on the idea that not only are you stuck in the abyss, but that no light can ever find the way back in.

No one cares, not really. No one sees you. No one can understand this suffering. Things cannot get better. No one will ever love you. You are broken beyond repair. Damaged goods. Worthless. Unlovable.

All lies. Because in the spiral of shame and trauma, opening your eyes and seeing the truth is so difficult. Maybe it's only one single person, maybe it's a song or a stranger but someone cares.

Suffering is an essential part of the human experience. Things can get better. You are lovable. You are not broken beyond repair. Not worthless nor damaged goods. Healing is possible. Maybe it takes medication or meditation or religion. Maybe it takes simply accepting that you are stuck in the darkness right now, but that you don't want to be any longer. Therapy. Journaling. Music. Nature. Family. Friends. Online community. Cling to whatever helps you believe that the light can be turned on.

After spending my whole life trying to fight this battle alone, I have finally realized just how much I've hurt the people I love by letting myself believe this lie. My mom and my sister who want me to live and be healthy and happy. My family who had to watch me hurt myself and try to end my life. Who are now watching me slowly kill myself with my eating disorder. My friends who've watched me lose my spark little by little. My little nieces and nephews who see how unhealthy I am but don't understand why.

They've all been there. They all care. I am loved.

There is another lie that slips seamlessly out of the darkness. The idea that asking for help is somehow a failure. I am allowed to get on medication and go to therapy and work through all the trauma and pain that caused all of this in the first place. I am allowed to let go of a belief system that caused me pain. I can talk about this without feeling embarrassed. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of.

Getting help is not admitting defeat. It's turning the fucking light on.

#trauma #cw religious trauma #cw depression #depression #cw self harm/suicide

[lunarvalleysbetterplanet]

every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).

#literally tho #i spend so much time fighting severe depression and like...if silly shit on the Internet brings me joy #then i am embracing it fully #cringe be damned