literary-jams

[literary-jams]

Moments

People say confidence is key… but they never tell us how to obtain or reach that level. Might be because this is something that can not be spoon fed to us, we have to figure it out ourselves, however amidst all struggles of our daily lives how do we even figure the way out? People say, people advise but the same people bring us down. 

Life is a constant hustle and in the midst of all the busyness we forget to acknowledge ourselves. We forget to give ourselves a break, treat ourselves right. How can we be confident in ourselves if we can't even figure out ourselves? Life is a constant roller coaster, there are highs and lows, but sometimes, there’s a sudden pitfall, you were at a high but suddenly you’re not. It is not uncommon to be lost then. It is not uncommon to lose yourself then. This blog is not about how you can improve yourself but just a sign that you’re not alone, even though sometimes you really might think you are. 

I am at one of those moments right now. To the outside world, to the life I have built for myself on Instagram, I might have a perfect one. A great group of friends, nice vacations and stability. But to some extent that couldn't be further from the truth. I have no one friend who I can completely count on, Who i know will be there for me, who will stick with me through thick and thin. It hurts me that even after all the effort I put in I couldn't reach that level of connection with anyone. I have goals for myself that I have not achieved partly because of my laziness but also because of my shyness. My complete inability to walk out of my comfort zone. Hence this is a note, a promise to myself. From this day onwards i will strive to make myself a better, talented person.

[literary-jams]

Streets Of Darkness

my collection

Love and other words

reading while travelling

quotes that will stick with me forever

One of my favourite books.

just vibing

library

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Are Women always shadowed?

Most Indian children have grown up listening to epicc fiction stories like Ramayana and Mahabharata. Recently upon stumbling onto the cult following book called "Palace of Illusions" , I started reconsidering alot of the tales that has been orally conveyed to us for generations. Palace of Illusions is a book which shares the narrative of Mahabharata from Draupadi's perspective.

The purpose of this particular book is to shed light on the possible untold suffrage of the wives of men who are considered to be great heroes and Lords by the masses.

Pallace of Illusions the book starts with Draupadi's daima telling her the tale of her and her brother Drishtadhyumna's birth. Daima mentioned how fratasized and intimidated everyone in the court were while King Drupad was performing the puja in order to be blessed with a son from the Gods. After several anticipating hours Drupad was awarded with a son and daughter. When Draupadi walked through the flamses of the fure needed but the fire she tripped in the beginning. The book further mentioned how different Draupadi and Dristhadhyumna looked even though they happen to be twins. Dristhadhyumna was fair, broad chested and tall, while Draupadi was much darker and for most of her life she got bullied for it. Her father since the very first day she was born, chose her to be the second option. When she was born there was a prediction about her that she will be the one changing the course of the world. Even though men got these kind of boons quite often on their birth it was considered to be dangerous when Draupadi got the boon. She was eager to learn and she faught with her family every day for her to get the same level of education that her dearest brother got. Draupadi was married to five men and she was given a boon where every time she changes between the pandavas, she will be a virgin again which shows us alot a the then society. Men's priorities and men's pleasures always held an upper position.

In Mahabharata we repeatedly notice how the entire story is conveyed through the lenses of men, the narration explains the thoughts and vulnerability of the kings during certain circumstances. We hear lengthy tales about the loyalties between the siblings but hardly anyone ever considers the sheer amount of devotedness Draupadi had for her husbands. I would also like to shed light on the fact that pallace of illusions goes deep into the thoughts and emotional complexities of a woman's hearts and validates it and does justice in putting it out on the paper. In the book Paanchali had a love angle with Karna, the misunderstood, doomed hero. Even though they barely ever shared a conversation verablly, there were numerous unspoken messages spoken through eyesight. The book also focused on how hard Paanchali fight in order to include and bind herself with the pandava name.

She went beyond her capabilities and stretched her limits in order to gain back her respect that she lost during the game of dice. She was undressed in front of the entire court and not one person stood up for her or bothered to help her except Krishna who lend her clothes while the "vastra haran". She was humiliated, disregarded and disrespected which brought on the epic fight of Kurukhshetra.

We see how from this narrative Mahabharata would not even have taken place if it was not for Draupadi yet she is a character who is overlooked in the heavy plot of the story. She sacrificed choosing to brush her hair or maintain proper hygiene in order to avenge herself and we see how she is a woman of great determination and power. To have women's stories overlooked from great epics just because they were not physically involved in the battle or the politics of the court is something that would always continue to disappoint me.

We as societies should start looking at epic women and understand their painful narratives and understand that just because these women might not have been mentioned during the important events being taking place does not mean that they were not present there.

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Joy of Reading

This ad is a beautiful projection of how accessible ad portable kindle is. We see the man taking a journey via an airplane and a boat to an island all while reading from the kindle. He went to the island to share the beautiful stories he has read with the under priviledged kids of the land. We see them sitting around the man intently listening to him as the day progresses from the afternoon to the night when there meeting had upgraded to a bonfire.

Kindle in this advertisement very beautifully spreads the message of passing of knowledge. it could also be an honorable mention of the oral narration tradition. The stories being heard by the children are in form of verbal communication, they do not really have texts to look at and this tradition might go along for years because auditory knowledge engrains in your memory and thus stories become immortal, they pass down from generations.

#Youtube

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John Green

This particular article about John Green talks about his life and four of his best selling books among which I happened to have three. John Green clearly is a very experienced person, his experience and his mature thoughts shows up on his writing, which also challenges the reader's views and helps us look at different difficulties of life from alot of different narratives.

The Fault In Our Stars:

The book is essentially about two characters Hazel Grace Lancaster and August Waters. Hazel Grace had thyroid cancer which had reached out to her lungs and she was in a support group with kids who had cancer in her mother's behest. Augustus had lost his leg to osteosarcoma and he was there to support his best friend Isaac who had eye cancer. The first conversation stirred between the leads was actually because of a ciggerrate. Augustus had one on his lips which made him receive a disgusted look from Hazel, she found humans purposely butchering their organs despicable. To which Augustus replied that he is not going to light it. He further added that it is a metaphor, he puts the killing thing right in between his teeth but does not give it the power to kill him, which also added a sustainable factor to it, because the same pack had been serving him for two years. Needless to say they found each other interesting and promised to read each other's favorite novels. Hazel got the Prince of Dawn while Augustus received the book an Imperial Affliction, a book on a girl stricken with cancer who Hazel resonated with. However after finishing the book Augustus mentioned how he hated the abrupt ending in it to which he learned that the author of the book Van Houten had retreated to Amsterdam and no body ever really heard from him ever since but Hazel also added that she like the book because of the abruptness it projects it truthfully, people die in the middle of their life in the middle of their sentence. When Augustus surprised her with tickets to Amsterdam to go and meet the author Van Houten , Hazel Grace was over the moon but upon meeting with him they realised that he hated teenage guts and completely dismissed their excitement on meeting him. However they shared a beautiful moment in Augustus' hotel room where they confessed about being in love with each other where Augustus said " Im in love with you and Im not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying the true things" to which Hazel replied that she is only going to break his heart to which he answered that it would be a privilege to have his heart broken by hers. The beauty of fault in our stars is its filled with unforgettable quotes such as "Some infinites are bigger than other infinites" and "I fell in love like i was falling asleep, slowly at first and then all at once but the ending scene had left me completely shattered in all the ways possible. After Augustus passed away due to the resurrection of his cancer, Hazel Grace found out about the obituary he had left for her in the letters of Van Houten, in which he had expressed his deepest feelings. HE mentioned that he finds her so pretty that he never gets tired of looking at her, he never worries about her being smarter than him because he knows that she is and he is lucky to have fallen in love with her. He also mentions how in this world no one can choose if they want to get hurt in this world but we have some say in who hurts you and he mentions how he is happy with his choices and he hopes that Hazel is too. The book ends with Hazel accepting that she is as well.

Turtles All the Way Down:

This book is about Aza Holmes who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety. In the opening pages of the book we see her mention about how she hates the process of eating, of mushy substances going down her esophagus while stomach microbes help her digest the food. However the title Holmes could have easily been a foreshadow on the forthcoming storyline where Aza plays detective in order to find the lost billionaire for a money prize who also happens to be her neighbor. Their was also a romance angle with her and the billionaire's older son Davis Pickett. Just to shed light on how bad her OCD was, she went on a rabbit hole of thoughts about kissing Davis. She worried about the microbes they exchanged and how it could lead to her eventual death. However because she had lost her father she could also relate to David as she understood the absence of a father figure during the times one need them the most. One of the most significant lines form the book is when Aza realized that she is like a Matryoshka doll, all her layers are her. Its turtles all the way down. I also like the line where while breaking up with Davis they were looking at the sky and Aza mentions how she particularly enjoys looking at the same sky with him. She thinks eye contacts are overrated as anyone can end up looking at you but looking at the the same sky together is cosmic, its meant to be.

Looking for Alaska:

Its about a guy called Miles Halter who was later nicknamed as Pudge, he was a newbie at a boarding school and was paired with a petite guy who went by the name Colonel who was friends with two more people Takumi the rapper and Alaska who loved books. They all quickly ended up being friends and the readers went on a beautiful journey with them of not only exploring their loyalties for each other but also their unfaithful and low moments. We also see a flirtatious relationship developing between Miles and Alaska and watch Miles inevitably fall in love with her. However when he finally gets his way with her and they kiss for the first time, something suddenly switches in Alaska and she leaves but never returns. The next day the entire school gets the news that she has passed away. As an honour to her the entire group threw the best Junior year prank in the school.

This book sheds light on the beautiful moments people spend during their hostel life. The first wave of independence they receive, te fun they have yet sometimes getting peer pressured into trying out things. But also inevitably spending the best moments of their life.

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Enchantment:

Hello Swifties and non swifties, this is my personal take on Taylor Swift, so lets get to know her through each other's perspectives. Her birthday is on 13th December 1989, which makes her a sagittarius baby. My introduction to Taylor Swift was actually through the songs "Blank Space" and "Look What You Made Me Do" a classic 2017 introduction. I was on the phase of my life when everyone around my age had just recently started using social media and hence the ultra popular figures like Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, etc. kept popping up a lot on our feed.

Bangalore weather is beautiful, it is a perfect blend of warm of sunshine, wet streets and windy evenings. Being somebody from the Eastern coastal region of Bengal, I find myself in my room often bundled up with blankets, coffee and Netflix.

Chilly weather has always been very dear to me and just the other day I came across the song " Back to December" by Taylor Swift. I sat there on my bed and memories came flooding back to me. I guess Taylor Swift has a certain hold on me like that, hence I thought who could be a better person to write about other than her.

Her birthday is on 13th December 1989, which makes her a sagittarius baby. My introduction to Taylor Swift was actually through the songs "Blank Space" and "Look What You Made Me Do" a classic 2017 introduction. I was on the phase of my life when everyone around my age had just recently started using social media and hence the ultra popular figures like Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, etc. kept popping up a lot on our feed.

Her first song ever Tim McGraw is about a boy she was dating who was going away to college. The first classic heartbreak and the sheer helplessness of the situation has been so beautifully brought out in the song. One of the main reasons I enjoy Taylor Swift songs so much is because they bring me comfort, I am obviously into other genres as well, and there was a certain time around the age when I was fifteen I used to swear by Eminem and NF. But I think I realized eventually with time that most people do not have a tragic life story. Sometimes maybe the biggest heartache in our life has been going through a break up but it is not a pain that is deniable. When we fall in love that is the most vulnerable we can be, because we willingly choose to trust a person with our emotions and when they break it could be excruciating and to come out and lyrically expressing yourself through it is quite courageous.

Album: Taylor Swift

Since her first Album we see quite a lot of rage and sadness in her lyrics and in her voice, for example "Picture to Burn" is a teenager's feelings about a person who might have been their first love but they borderline intentionally ruined their childhood fictional love story. In our young minds we secretly hope for the love at first sight and a happily ever after, more often than not we also tend to project the same onto our first relationship, but when the dream comes to a crashing halt its disheartening and we feel like a fool. We feel enraged and curse ourselves for being so naïve and hence the urge to burn the said person's picture.

Teardrops on my guitar is a song about being in love with your best friend. The longing for the person but unfortunately they are in love with someone else and you're probably deep in the friendzone. Being unreasonably envious of the other person and constantly comparing yourself to them is a classic human nature that not a lot of people might agree to, but it is an unconscious mistake we all make.

"Our Song" is a song about the thrill of a new relationship, the honeymoon phase where everything is perfect and both the parties are just unbelievably happy and obsessed with each other.

My best friend Ash just like me is a die hard Swiftie thus I thought it would an advisable idea to interview her about the exquisite love she feels for Taylor.

My first question to her was initially how did she start being invested in american music because as indian kids our main focus is always bollywood exposure in our life is quite prevalent and then gradually through some cousin or a friend we venture into hollywood. However her answer to this question was the introduction of spotify in our lives. She also added that she did not think she'd ever be interested in Taylor much as she had heard bad floating rumours about her but in spite of that in her young mind the song blank space has left such an impression that she continued to play the song in repeat which used to anger her mother a lot. A part of me believes she partially did so to annoy aunty but hey who am I to judge! This lead me to my third question "when did you start to actually hear the lyrics and enjoy the songs for the content and not just a catchy beat. Her answer to this question was the pandemic, which makes much sense as during that time of crisis everyone was just constantly in a search of a new hobby all the time. She had also mentioned that her favorite albums are the folklore and lover which is definitely two of the many things we have in common and hence I would like to venture in detail, later on in the blog. I also asked Ash about why she thinks Taylor Swift gets intertwined in so many controversies and her answer to that was blatant " because she doesn't care what people think of her" which is quite true as we have seen time and time again that in spite of many threats and hateful behavior she continues to talk about her love life without a care in the world. When asked about her favourite lyric of a Taylor song there was a long pause before she finally answered, its

"And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then hate my reflection, for years and years

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold onto you"

Her reason was since our childhood we face alot of criticism which we convince ourselves that that it does not affect us while in reality it is like a stabbing knife slowing making its way through towards the other side of our body. We change ourselves or at least try to according to societal norms and in the process lose our individuality.

Through the albums over the years we see Taylor grow from a teenage angst to a mature woman.

Album: Lover

The theme varues from light comforts to grave songs about losing the people you love. For example "Soon you'll get better" is about a song when you find out that your loved one might pass aay because of a terminal illness. You try to comfort them and and yourself by saying "soon you'll get better" but unfortunately you know you're just living in a delusion. My favorite lines from the song is

" And I hate to make this all about me

But who am I supposed to talk to?

What am I supposed to do

If there's no you?" its a human dilemma that someone losing the person they love, find themselves in. We know that the person going through the illness has no control over their circumstances yet we cant stop thinking about ourselves the life we will end up having without them. We despise them for falling sick and we despise them for making us love them. We feel selcish for thinking that way yet we cant help but do so.

Taylor Swift also addresses alot of her controversies through her songs for example the song "The Man" she points out the hypocrisy of society. If a man lived her life he wod be appreciated. He'd be someone desirable and unattainable. People would not shake their heads in disapproval or question the integrity of her success. So, "if I was man, then I'd be the man".

Album: Folklore

This is the most appreciated album because first off it was a surprise album but apart from that it has beautiful tracks like Cardigan, August and Betty. The entire album is a fictional love triangle between Betty, James and an unned woman. The line "I knew you'd miss me once the thrill was over" it is a beautiful line depicting the fleetingness of human feelings. Once the honeymoon phase is over, more often than not people tend to get bored and tired of the affair. August is a song from the perspective of the unnamed woman, she speaks about how her month long affair with James fleeted away in a moment. She honestly fell in love with a man who was never really hers to begin with. My most favourite line of the song August is "I'd cancel my plans just in case you'd call". It sums up the entire relationship, she is so enthralled by the man that just a mere possibility of meeting him makes her cancel all the plans she has.

Taylor Swift has a song for every occassion when it comes to feelings, whether it is about loving someone else or loving ourselves. Her albums are like stories that help us predict our mind frame better and makes us feel better and unapologetic about just being human.

#taylor swift #best friends #lovers #artists on tumblr

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Grandpa's Story Book:

The fondest childhood memories I have are lazy afternoons with my Dadu and Thammi, my grandparents. Every day my grandpa used to bring me back from primary school and Thammi used to serve me lunch. I was a pampered child, most of my lunches included dal with rice shaped into small little bite sized balls so that I could eat on my own. However my favorite part of the day was when my grandparents qnd mine shared naptime. Thammi and I used to lie down on the bed and Dadu used to sit with a children's book named "Grandpa's story book". It was a collection of short stories with a moral in the end of every story. The book shaped the primary stages of my life. Also, I guess I was a feminist since childhood because I practically changed all the boy characters into girls by drawing lipstick on their faces and giving them long hair. It satisfied the conscience of my five year old self.

My mom once told me a story about a boy who was very naughty as a child but apparently he grew up into being a saint boy with his nose always in books. Till this day, I have no idea how much of the story was a fact, however it did not stop me from aspiring to be like him. I was determined to be one of those children who'd have these minute quirks that their parents could brag about. However, obviously I did not always stick to making my parents happy, I am a human after all.

As the years passed my room started becoming smaller as different books ended up taking alot of corners. Even now when I go back home for vacations people often find me sitting my the huge window in my room, lost in some fantasy land while listening to music.

#childhood memories #nostalgic #stories

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HER:

Existence is absurd and I mean it in the most practical way possible. At any given second of our life things could change in an irrevocably drastic manner. The irony of life is that the only thing that is certain is the uncertainty of life.

I was brought into this mystifying world by two lovely people, who I grew up to call my baba and maa. My childhood was filled with mostly love and laughter and I was immensely close to my grandmother. Every afternoon she used to read me children's stories and poems from different Bengali authors such as Rabindranath Thakur ( though the British seem to have butchered his family name, thus most people know him better as Rabindranath Tagore)and Sukumar Ray. Thus began my love for books and writing. Words have always spoken to my inner self. I have found different parts of myself lurking inside me through multiple characters in different books. It also absolutely baffles me how such little instances from your childhood can eventually frame your likes and dislikes of your future.

While growing up my father has shared his immense love for music with me in different ways. From CDs to making playlists for me he has done it all, hence even though I lack the voice to sing I actually really appreciate good lyrics and stories told through them. I think one's music taste speaks alot about their ideologies and what they might deem important.

For example this might be mighty basic of me but I swear by Taylor Swift's music. I appreciate singers who are also solo song writers, it takes immense courage to express yourself through words and be vulnerable in front of 8 billion people. She sings about love, from falling in to falling out, she covers everything. Her songs makes me feel like, I am not alone. She normalizes overthinking days and anxious nights, she ensures us that feelings are valid and it does not hurt to go a little bit psycho sometimes.

This blog will portray the journey of my attempt at unleashing my thoughts and review different books that I finish and interesting music that I like. I recently finished reading the Cruel King which is a fantasy action book by Holly Black. The protagonist is a human, in a fictional land of Faerie. It is a coming of age story where she grows up to be a warrior princess. I think that could be an insight to what kind of books I quite like reading, which is mostly fictional. Real world can be quite grim and dark as it is, so letters are like my safe haven. Hopefully whilst maintaining this blog I will also understand myself a little better and discover a few parts of myself.

#music #books #fiction #pop music #self love