lifeofchanges-blog

[lifeofchanges-blog]

Venezuela is my home, where I was born and where I grew up. It is a unique country, full of many different landscapes, all of them beautiful and also full of friendly, funny, caring and simply incomparable people that you will not be able to find anywhere else. Nevertheless, right now this wonderful country is going through a very difficult time. I post this because if someone sees it, then I will be helping by showing the world what is happening here. Maybe nobody will read any of this but I want to write some feelings and thoughts that have been taking control of my heart and of my head too much lately. There are many more pictures I could post to represent what is happening in Venezuela right now, but I think the ones I chose give a pretty clear message. I picked the first one because it is not only related to the situation of the country but it is somehow related to mine as well. As it can be seen in it, the students and young people in general in Venezuela, who should be going to university and enjoying their youth, are now living to fight for their rights and a better life, ironically some of them are no longer living just because of wanting so many bad things to stop happening. The risk taken not only by the young people but also by many other Venezuelans, can be seen in the rest of the pictures too, you can see how people that just wants a better future tries to defend what they believe in peacefully and they are attacked by a group of armed monsters, which arose initially due to the need of the rulers to maintain the integrity and security of the population (Venezuela´s National Guard). It is just pathetic how they attack those that are looking forward to have a good place for EVERYONE to live in. I would like to go back to the first picture of the students that says “It was always said that students are the future of Venezuela....but we have to be the present” just to translate it and say once again how hard it is to see those who should be living their lives now more than ever, sacrificing so much…I use third person to write all of this because even though I am 19 and I grew and graduated from high school in Venezuela, I haven´t start university (due to the lack of public safety) and I haven´t  get involved in the protests made by so many Venezuelans, that are tired of this life where we feel like we survive, not live. This whole issue of not being part of the fight for the change is pretty much what affects me so bad, it is what makes me ask myself if I am doing the right things. I do not pretend to victimize myself at all but it is not easy to hear people saying that Venezuelans that leave are simply giving up their country and it is hard because I AM NOT. Unlike some of my classmates from high school and other people I know that left the country saying they hated it and were never coming back, unlike those who seem to have no bonds with the place where they were born and where they created so many memories while growing up… unlike all of them, I FUCKING LOVE my country and moving away from it destroys me a little every day. I wish from the bottom of my heart there was a way for me to study what I really want, to help my family economically, to live my youth as I should, to feel actually useful and to be at some point truly independent staying here...but sadly there isn´t. What I really want to say about how I feel is that I would love people to understand the reasons I have to do what I do and to make the decisions I make and that some of them, like leaving my country, my family, my little brother, my boyfriend and my friends in such a terrible moment, are not easy. I would also like them to know that one of my biggest dreams is to return to Venezuela once I finish my studies at university and become economically independent, what for me would mean returning as a strong, independent, courageous, hard-working, valuable woman who will be determined to help Venezuela become the great country it once was. Because I do not want to give up and forget Venezuela, I want to become the kind of person the country needs to recover, because it is where I want to start a family, where I want to work and where I want to get old.

Once again, even if nobody reads this, I feel a bit better organizing the mess in my head by writing what I think.

#venezuela #student #fight #sad #attack #risk #lovemycountry #decisions #recover #family #hard #politics #violence #strong #return #work #leaving #incomparable #unique #SOSVenezuela #News #prayforvenezuela

[lifeofchanges-blog]

Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves

Robert Neelly Bellah, Habits of the Heart.

#leaving #home #birth #ourselves

[lifeofchanges-blog]

(vía https://open.spotify.com/track/6CvTbrBxxc5jFwqsivhpxh)

So, I already said how important music is for me and this song along with its authors are no exception. I can´t just say I like Logic but I truly admire him, and his music has been extremely helpful through rough times in my life. This song for example was exactly what I needed to hear, the kind of song that gets deep inside your heart and your mind and makes you feel like you are not going through all the hard shit alone. 

I have always have anxiety and since lately all I can think about is leaving everything I know and love to go to another country this anxiety is haunting me like never before. 

Right now the best way to explain how I feel would be quoting this part of the song "How could anxiety make me physically feel off balance? How could anxiety make me feel as though I was fading from this world and on the brink of death?" because even though its hard to believe anxiety can do that.... it can. 

But what makes this song great is not only the fact of it being a refuge where I no longer feel like I´m the only person  feeling the way I do but also the fact of it showing, first, the possibility of being strong enough to live with anxiety and not letting it destroy us and second, the importance of enjoying every  time that we feel free and happy with ourselves and our life... every time that we are free of anxiety.

Once again, I´m not really expecting many people to read this but letting this kind of things out is always good for me. 

#Logic #anziety #life #haunting me #hard #refuge #anxiety #strong #free #happy #ourselves #enjoylife #music #help #2017

[lifeofchanges-blog]

Since I have a boyfriend and I will move far away from him, listening to this song helps me remember I am not the only person who feels the way I feel. I know  the song is kind of sad but being able to relate to it just helps me  get trough the pain. Call me corny but I like to believe we will truly be able to beat distance and build our lives together once we figure out where to live and how to get there together.

#love #oceans away #arizona #relationship #relatable #music helps #corny

[lifeofchanges-blog]

It´s hard for me

 I think the hardest part of leaving home and changing my life so much is that I was finally starting to feel like everything was ok. I had been waiting to feel like this for a long time, to feel like I have everything I want and need to be happy, but now I have to leave it all behind.   People tell me I should be happier to have such a great opportunity... what they don´t get is that I am happy to have the opportunity, what makes me feel so sad and scared is having to take that chance basically on my own.

#change #hard #leaving #behind #opportunity #scared

[lifeofchanges-blog]

So, I decided my first post would be this simple GIF because it represents the huge change that made me feel like starting this.

I will leave the country where I live, I will leave my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my dog and many other things I love. I will get on a plane to go study somewhere else and leave behind the country that saw me growing up. I´m scared as fuck, a bit excited and pretty sad about it. With nothing else to say I guess this is how I would like to start my crazy journey of changes, by accepting and embracing everything I feel about it.

#scared #changes #crazy #sad #excited #leave #new #airplane