lavenderdreams22

[lavenderdreams22]

A Court of Dawn & Dusk - Azriel x Reader (Part 10)

Summary: 49 years have passed, and both Azriel and Y/N struggle with their new realities.

A/N: sorry this took so long to get out, I was struggling pretty bad the last few months! It'll probably take a while longer between postings, but I'm hoping to get the rest of these out as quickly as I can. I hope you guys enjoy

Warnings: mentions of blood and violence. Cursing. I think that’s it.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

*****

Forty nine years had passed. Forty nine, but it felt as if I had been stuck down here for most of my life. My arms were chafed from the shackles, my mind foggy from lack of sleep and even less food. 

I tried not to let myself dwell on the things that I could have done differently, the biggest being that I could have listened to my mate. I could have stayed home and maybe I would still be with him… Maybe I wouldn’t be this shell of a person that I had become. 

Rhysand sat at the edge of my collapsing cot, healing one of my wounds that the Attor had given me today. He said nothing, but I could feel the anger and concern like a palpable thing as he ran a shaking hand over my arm.

It embarrassed me to have him here, even if we both knew that the circumstances weren’t my fault. The mattress was flat and uncomfortable, I could feel the metal bars underneath every single time I laid down, but it was better than the stone floor… Or so I told myself to try to hold onto some tether of humanity. But seeing Rhys flinch as he shifted made my heart drop to my stomach nonetheless. 

When he was finished, he gently sat my arm back in my lap and scooted back to give me space to breathe. He knew I hated being crowded now, usually hated being touched. 

“Thank you,” I muttered, rotating my wrist a few times to test it out. 

The ache was still there, but it had lessened enough that I no longer winced when I moved it. 

We sat in silence for a few moments before he loosened a heavy sigh and met my gaze. 

“You gonna tell me what’s got your wings in a twist, or am I going to have to guess?” I asked. 

He chucked to himself, shaking his head slightly. “I went to see Tamlin today.” 

I blinked at him, confused and a little surprised at how much this was affecting him.

“Okay…” I cocked my head to the side. “Why is this any different than the time you left a head on that fountain?”

“I was there to speak to them this time.” He glanced over his shoulders, dropping his voice to a whisper. “There was a human girl there.”

“A human?” My brow furrowed. I knew of the curse just as well as any other person, but so close to the end… It surprised me.

“Yes, a human.” He shook his head, his eyes growing sad. “She gave me a fake name, and when I returned… Amarantha forced me to tell her what I had found.”

I clenched my teeth at the sound of her name. Amarantha had done her best to leash Rhys and then keep him as close to her as she possibly could in the time since we had been trapped.

“I gave her the fake name thinking that it couldn’t possibly be a real person… A real family.” He shuddered. “Claire Beddor is two cells down from you, awaiting Amarantha’s summons to be tortured to death in front of the court.”

I gaped at him, my heart clenching at the guilt that must be gnawing at his own. 

“You know… You know that isn’t your fault, right?” I reached out and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You are not to blame.”

“That’s not what Tamlin’s human will think.” He whispered. 

“Who cares what Tamlin’s human believes? We know the truth.”

“I do.” He shrugged, seeming to mull something over before he met my eyes. “For some reason, I care what the human thinks. I care that she finds me to be despicable… A monster.”

I wasn’t sure why he felt that way… And he didn’t elaborate… Just in case. I had been telling him not to, for fear that it would be ripped out of me when the Attor had his blade cutting through my body.

I hadn’t cracked so far, but it was easier not to know.

Rhys leaned back against the wall, letting another small sigh out. I followed suit, our shoulders touching in a quiet reminder that neither of us was alone.

“I should head back up.” He stated, but made no move to leave. 

“Stay as long as you need to.” I took his hand, squeezing his fingers in mine. 

*****

Azriel sat at the dining table and watched Cassian pace as he had most days in the last forty nine years. 

“What if we bring the Illyrian army and break them out?” Cassian asked, stopping for only a moment to look between Azriel and Amren.

“We’ve discussed this a dozen times.” Amren said. “That’s not a viable option. Rhys was clear in his instructions. We cannot leave. The wards that protect Velaris are tied to us being here.” 

Cassian huffed, pausing in his pacing only long enough to give Amren a long, angry look. “Well, what about-”

“That won’t work either.” Amren spat. 

“How do you know?” 

“Because, boy, she has absorbed a fraction of every single high lord's magic.” Amren seethed. “She’s too powerful.”

Azriel nodded his agreement.

Mor breezed into the room, her arms full of swords that needed sharpened and cleaned. 

“What’re we fighting about today?” She asked, taking a seat at the end of the table and letting the weapons clang together against the wood. 

“Cassian’s coming up with more hairbrained schemes to get Rhys and Y/N back.” Amren ground out. 

“Thought we talked about that already?” Mor glanced quickly at everyone before turning her attention back to the blades in front of her. 

“We have.” Azriel growled. “Too many times to count.” 

“We can’t just leave them down there forever.” Cassian snarled. 

Tempers had been rising steadily for a while, and Azriel was sure there was soon to be a fight. A real fight, not with words and insults, but fists and blades. 

“I know that.” Pinching the bridge of his nose to fight off the headache, Azriel leaned back in his chair. 

He hated doing nothing just as much, if not more, than everyone else. His mate was down there, suffering. 

It was faint, but he could feel her pain down the bond, as if… as if she were consistently being sliced open. 

He resented Rhys a bit for letting it happen, even if he knew there was probably no stopping it. He resented her a bit, too, for going when he had told her he had a bad feeling about it all and asked her not to... 

But he resented himself most of all for not fighting her harder, not holding her closer. Gods, he fucking missed her. He missed her so bad that it physically hurt him. 

Every single night when he would go to bed without her, he felt his heart fracture just a bit more. And every morning when he woke up, he reached for her, hoping that she would have magically appeared overnight. He had been disappointed every single time he woke up. It was getting harder and harder to pull himself out of bed. Velaris wasn’t the same without her. And without her in it wasn’t a place he wanted to be. 

“We’ll come up with something.” Mor said offhandedly. 

Azriel hoped they would, but he knew better than to expect it. 

*****

I awoke to the sound of the door to my cell flying open and slamming against the wall. It was too early for them to be coming to get me, so I clamped my eyes closed and evened my breathing. 

“Here you are.” The Attor said, followed by a thump that could only be a body hitting the ground. “You’ll have a roommate. How fun for you.”

When I heard the door clang shut, I let my eyes open completely and took in the sight in front of me. 

There was a human girl in my cell. She was bloodied and bruised, testing her face for wounds. A flinch wracked her body as she touched her nose, but she didn’t cry. I could tell she wanted to, but she refused to cry. 

“What’d they throw a human in here for?” I finally asked.

She whipped her head around, her golden brown hair flying over her shoulder before her eyes met mine.

“Sorry… I didn’t know you were awake.” She ground out.

I shrugged, taking her in. This must be the human that Rhys had mentioned. 

“Nothing to be sorry for.” I shrugged. “I cried my entire first week after they threw me down here, you know. It’s okay.”

She nodded, but didn’t so much as sniffle as she seemed to mull that over. 

“What’d you do?”

“I came after my… I’m trying to break a curse.” She mumbled. “What did you do?”

“I killed a dozen of her men a very long time ago… Turns out she holds a bit of a grudge.” I propped my head up on my hand. “That, and she thinks I have information that I do not.”

“You killed a dozen people?” She asked. 

I only hummed in response. She looked harmless, but it was possible that she was a different tactic to get me to spill my secrets. I would need to be careful. She seemed to be sizing me up, as well. 

“I’m Feyre.” She said after a moment of tense silence. 

“Y/N.” I gave her my best smile. “Nice to meet you.” 

*****

Feyre had come back utterly torn apart and covered in shit and mud after her first trial. I gagged on the stale bread they had brought me as she fell into a heap on the floor. One of her arms looked to have a piece of bone protruding from it, and I cursed under my breath as I scrambled to her side. 

Fuck, this was bad. Her human body couldn’t heal itself, and she still had two more trials left before this was all over. I wished for Rhys to come. Now would be the perfect time for him to step out of the shadows.

“Let me get a look at that.” I whispered.

Rhys hadn’t been down here since I had been given a cell mate. I wasn’t sure if it was the girl keeping him away or if Amarantha had learned of his trips down here. Either way, I would have to do this myself until I could get a healer to take pity on us and help her. 

She held it out to me, and I cursed again. We had no fresh water in the cell, and with my power gone, even the small kernel of my father's magic that I had been given at birth had dwindled down to nothing. 

“Bad news is, without fresh water, we really can’t clean it, but I can wrap it in bits of the blanket.” I glanced at the bed and winced. Even the blankets were filthy. “We’ll wait for tomorrow's water and use half of it to clean you up…”

“What's the good news?” She asked through clenched teeth as I got to work.

“What?”

“Bad news is usually followed by good news.” She met my eyes. “What’s the good news?”

“I’ll bet Lucien can heal this. We just need to get word to him somehow.”

She nodded, but didn’t offer any ideas. I sent another silent plea out to Rhys. 

*****

Cassian grunted as Azriel’s fist connected with his chin. 

Tensions were peaking. Time was up, and yet Rhys and Y/N hadn’t come home. All Azriel could think of was whether she was okay. It had been weeks since he had felt anything down the bond. And while everything had been faint up to this point, it was still there. 

Cassian swung, and Azriel dodged. It was the same dance every single day. Neither of them could get rid of the bad mood that seemed to follow them around like a rain cloud, and there was really no other way to work through the energy.

“Maybe we could go to Rita’s. Drink a little bit.” Cassian said, grunting as Azriel landed another punch.

“I would rather light myself on fire.” Azriel spat. 

Cassian flinched, his eyes flicking down to Azriel’s scarred hands.

“Okay… Then maybe we could take a fucking cooking class.” 

“A cooking class?” Azriel wanted to laugh at that. Wanted to find humor in something, anything. He wanted a reason to smile again. But without her, it was like every bit of happiness had been removed from the world. 

He couldn’t think about that, or he would start to think about the bond. Maybe she had just put a wall up? Maybe now that time was out, she was trying to keep the worst parts away from him? 

Gods, he really hoped she was okay. 

“Well, I’ve got to get you out of your head somehow, and this,” Cassian gestured between the two of them, “doesn’t seem to be working like it did in the beginning.”

He was right. Fighting was a distraction, but the twitchy energy was still there once they had finished. 

“What we need is for the curse to be broken so they can come home…” Azriel huffed, storming over to the water station. 

Cassian moved silently behind him, leaning against a training dummy. His eyes shone with concern, but he didn’t press.

“I need her back, Cass.” Azriel said, his voice so quiet, Cassian wasn’t sure that he had even really heard him.

“I know. You’ll get her back even if I have to go under that damned mountain myself.”

Azriel finally met Cassian’s eyes. “It feels like she’s gone… The bond has been quiet for weeks… It was weak before, anyway, what with her being so far away and magic being dwindled to nothing… What if she’s-”

“She’s alive.” Cassian growled. ‘They both are. They have to be.”

Azriel only nodded before downing a cup of water and gesturing to Cassian to follow him back to the sparring area. 

*****

Mor sat in the shadows of the living room, staring into the flames as they flickered in the hearth. 

“What do you propose we do, Cassian?” Amren asked, her voice quiet.

“We have to do something… We’re losing him.” Cassian replied. 

“We have to break the rules to get them back. But we can’t just… march in there.” Mor said, louder than intended. She cleared her throat and continued, quieter than before. “We need to find a loophole.”

Cassian grinned then. “Finally. I’ve only been saying that for fifty years.”

*****

“Go to hell.” Feyre growled, her words colder than I had ever heard.

“Rhys, what the hell are you doing here?” I asked over my shoulder as I attempted to wipe the gunk out of her wound. 

“Heard you call for help. Figured I would comply.” He shrugged, picking a piece of lint off of his perfectly pressed jacket. 

“I called for help days ago.” It was my turn to growl. “Took you long enough.”

Rhys ignored me, looking to Feyre instead. She was watching him through heavy lids. I hadn’t been able to get the wound to stop bleeding, and I could smell the first signs of infection in her blood. 

“What would Tamlin say if he knew his beloved was rotting away down here?” Rhys asked, his voice dark and elegant. 

Feyre bared her teeth, trying her best to look scary. It reminded me of a small child. Rhys could filet her alive if he so chose. 

“Rhys, stop taunting her.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” He cocked his head to the side as he studied Feyre.

The look in his eyes reminded me so much of Azriel. The cool calculation mixed with something warm and familiar. It nearly knocked me to the floor. 

I had closed my end of the bond so that I could focus on keeping the human alive. She was our only hope at this moment. Our only hope of finally, finally, getting out of here and going home. Gods, I missed my mate and my bed. And my tub… I couldn’t wait to take a real bath again. 

But those emotions, those feelings did nothing to help us in our current situation, so I shut them down, refused to think about him, refused to let myself feel things that I knew would only make this harder. 

Feyre was our only hope to get out of here, and right now she was dying. 

“If you’re not going to help her, you need to leave.” I growled. “Send Lucien or even my father in your stead, but leave.”

“I’ll help her.”

“What are your demands?” Feyre rasped, finally finding her voice again.

I bit my lip as I watched Rhys kneel in front of the cot that she was occupying. 

They seemed to stare at each other for a long moment, and I thought that I could hear Rhys’ heartbeat pick up.

“So… You have learned something about our ways, then.” He grinned.

“Your terms.” She repeated. 

“Two weeks, every month, with me in the Night Court.” He stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

My brow furrowed. Why would he want to bring her to the Night Court?

Feyre was fighting an internal battle. I could tell she didn’t like Rhys, but she seemed to also be coming to terms with the fact that this was probably her only choice. 

“Go to hell.” She growled. 

“Feyre…” I whispered. “Take the bargain. You need help.”

“Not from him.” She spat.

Brave girl, spitting at the most powerful High Lord in Prythian. 

“This is the last time I will extend my assistance.” Rhys purred. “Either take the deal or don’t.”

He stood, making his way towards me and the shadows that I had backed myself into. 

I stared at him with horror in my eyes. Was he seriously about to let her die over something like this? He refused to look at me, and I could tell that he was nervous to see how I would react. 

You’re my best friend. He spoke, and it took me a moment to realize that he hadn’t said the words aloud. Don’t let this sway your opinion of me.

I gave a nod, and he seemed to visibly relax. There wasn’t much that he could do to make me think less of him.

He took his time melting into the shadows, his edges beginning to blur before he became less and less solid. Before he could disappear completely, Feyre managed to choke out a sound. 

“Wait.” She said, “just two weeks?”

“Yes.” 

“And what are the terms of this deal?” She was sweating. A fever was a terrible sign. I looked at Rhys, but he only smirked at her. 

“Telling you would ruin my fun.” He said, his voice like honey. “And I simply will not allow that to happen.”

She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes more alive than they had been in almost a day. 

After a little back and forth, they settled on a week, and Rhys was healing her arm and her blood from the infection, leaving behind a black tattoo of swirls. He had even removed the mess from her skin, leaving her looking as though she had just bathed. Even the vomit in the corner was gone. 

A laugh escaped me as I watched her stare down at her new tattoo in horror. 

“A bargain mark.” My gaze landed on a smug Rhysand. “You marked her.”

“What have you done?” She growled. “Get this thing off of me.”

“No.” He grinned. “I’ll be excited to see your beloved's reaction to this when he sees you again.” 

She spat at him once more, and I choked on another laugh. She was feeling better, that much was obvious.

*****

“There’s no way to remove the mark, Feyre.” I said as I watched her rub at the skin.

She sighed, sitting back on the cot. 

“So…” She started after a few beats of silence. “Tell me a story.”

“A story?”

“Yes. Something about you. To take my mind off of this…” she held her arm up to me. 

She wanted a story… about me? “What kind of story?” 

“How do you and Rhysand know each other?” She asked, meeting my eyes. 

“He… he saved me.” I shook my head as my own gaze fell to my lap. “I know you don’t like him, Feyre. But he hasn’t always been so… bad.”

She only snorted, and I didn’t blame her for not believing me. Especially not after he had almost let her die. 

“I don’t expect you to speak ill of your High Lord.” She said after a moment of silence. 

“He technically isn’t my High Lord.” 

She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. I could tell she was trying to figure me out, and I couldn’t blame her for that, either. 

“My father is Thesan. High Lord of the Dawn Court.” I let myself smile a bit at the thought of my wonderful father. “That’s where I was born, where I grew up. But, before all of this, I spent a great deal of time in the Night Court.” 

I watched her for a moment before deciding that I could trust her with more than just this. 

“My mate is there.” 

“Mate?” She grinned. “You have a mate?” 

“I do. He’s… he’s waiting for me to come home to him.” 

“Tell me about him?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbow. 

“He’s quiet and brooding most of the time, but when I have him to myself he’s charming and funny and he’s so painfully handsome it physically hurts.” I sighed, “I miss him terribly.” 

She opened her mouth to ask more questions, but the cell door flew open, creaking and scraping against the stone floor. 

“Y/N.” The attor growled. “You’re being moved to a room.”

“A room?'' I asked, sitting up and staring wide eyed at the creature in the doorway. His tail swished over the stone floor and I swore I would have nightmares about the sound for the rest of my life. 

“The human is to be by herself. Come along before I come in there and drag you out by your hair.”

I flinched, and Feyre touched my arm. I wanted to weep for her, for the fact that she was going to be down here alone, for the fact that one of my only true allies in this hell was being taken from me. 

“Go.” She said, bravely. “Go, I will be fine.”

“I… I'm sorry…” I said, standing. 

The Attor growled again. I was obviously taking too long. 

When I made it to the door, a hand grabbed my arm so hard I could feel the bruise forming already. 

“Pity.” The Attor growled. “I am going to miss our time together.” 

I flinched as his breath fanned over me. 

With one last look at a wide-eyed Feyre, I left her behind.

*****

Taglist: @eos-princess @brekkershadowsinger @cmay25 @fall-myriad @i-am-infinite @mis-lil-red @judig92

#acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #acomaf #acowar #azriel spymaster #azriel x y/n #azriel x you

[lavenderdreams22]

Hey girl, how are you doing?

I have been alright! I’ve been focusing on my mental and physical health for the last few months because I was struggling, but I am starting to feel much better. Thank you so much for asking, darling! ❤️

#answered #anonymous

[lavenderdreams22]

I have been struggling with my mental health/physical health the past couple of weeks/the last month, and needed to take a bit of a break from writing to try to get it under control.

I have officially started on the next part of a court of dawn and dusk, and it should be ready to post soon! I have seen the requests to be added to the tag list, sorry if I haven’t responded to them. I will get you all added to the next chapter!

I’ve also received quite a few requests that I will start working on as soon as the next chapter of a court of dawn and dusk has been posted.

It may be longer between postings, but I promise I’m not abandoning the story.

#acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x y/n #azriel x reader

[lavenderdreams22]

I really loved the Gavriel fic thank you so much for writing it! 💕💕💕💕

Of course, darling! I’m so glad you loved it ❤️ I liked the idea a lot, so if you ever have any other requests, lemme know ☺️

#gavriel throne of glass #answered

[lavenderdreams22]

Could you do a Dorian x reader fluffy fic?

Sure thing! I looove Dorian. It's kinda short, but I hope you like it! ❤️

Warnings: sexual themes, but that’s it I think.

Early Morning - Dorian x reader

Early mornings were easily your favorite time of day. Dorian always awoke early, all soft touches and small smiles. But today, it seemed, he was struggling to wipe the sleep out of his eyes.

You let him pull you to his chest in a protective, possessive grip with a smile on your face. He always wanted to be close to you, to be able to breathe in your scent and hold you. He told you that it drove the nightmares away. You told him just as often that having him close soothed your own particular set of anxieties. 

He kissed your spine before you wiggled in his grasp to face him fully. 

He pulled the sheet over the two of you, but not before you caught the way that the sun filtered through the curtains, illuminating him in brilliant gold. Even now, he looked as though he had bathed in sunlight.

You ran your fingers through his tousled hair, grinning as he pressed another kiss to your shoulder. 

“You’re late, your highness.” You whispered. 

He groaned, his grip tightening. “A king is never late.” 

You wrapped a leg around him, pulling him impossibly closer to your body. 

“You will be if you stay here any longer.” You pressed a kiss to his lips. 

When you pulled away, his lips chased yours before he had the sense to bring his hand that had been tracing idle shapes along your outer thigh to the side of your face to hold you in place. 

You giggled into his lips and he couldn’t help his own grin as he rolled on top of you. 

“You’re just as much to blame.” He countered, his dark hair tickling you as he moved to press kisses to your neck. 

“How do you figure?” You tried to sound outraged, but the feel of his lips on your body always had the opposite effect. 

“Because you’re here. Utterly indecent.” He tugged at the crimson nightgown you wore. It had ridden up to show off a pair of black lace panties, his favorite pair that you owned. He groaned again at the sight. “Distracting me, keeping from my duties.” 

“I’ll have you know that I did not do anything to distract you. You’ve done that all on your own.” 

“The only way you could look any more delicious is if you were naked.” He pulled away, propping himself up on his arms to really admire you. “A problem that is easily remedied.” 

“And just how,” you stated, slipping the straps down your shoulders. “Do you plan on remedying this truly tragic situation you’ve found yourself in?” 

He bit his lip, his blue eyes roving over you body, leaving a tingling sensation in their wake. 

When his eyes met yours again, he winked. Without moving, he let his power, the invisible hands, pull the nightgown down your shoulders even further, exposing your breasts to him. 

“Absolutely breathtaking.” 

“I wish that they were your hands.” You whispered, not trusting your voice. 

“They are.” He nipped at your bottom lip.  

You whimpered as the phantom touch continued to ghost over your exposed flesh. 

“Stop teasing.” You frowned. 

“But you look so cute when you’re frustrated.”

Just as he was leaning down to kiss you again, there was a sharp knock on the door.

"Dorian, we need to go." Chaol shouted from the other side of the door. "I'd like to get back before nightfall."

You giggled, pressing a kiss to his shoudler before pushing him off of you. "Told you."

"I'll be back for you later, my love." He grinned, springing up from the bed, the evidence of just how little he wanted to leave evident in his pants.

#dorian havilliard #throne of glass #throne of glass dorian #dorian havilliard x reader #dorian havilliard x you #answered

[lavenderdreams22]

Jealousy - Gavriel x Reader

Summary: A fight caused by alcohol and untrue words drives you and Gavriel apart, and a misunderstanding brings you back together.

Request: Hi💓 can I request gavriel x reader? Where they have a fight and then reader sees him with another female and thinks the worst and it hurts her so she doesn't talk to gavriel ever and he thinks he's doing the right thing by giving her space? Angst ending in fluff please 🙏💕💕💕

Warnings: Violence, cursing, angst... I think that's all.

*****

Gavriel couldn’t remember what he had said to you last night, but whatever it was had royally pissed you off. The two of you never fought, but something about the drinks, and the noise in the tavern, or maybe just the stresses of war, had the two of you at each other’s throats the second the first drinks were gone. 

You hadn’t come back to the room. You hadn’t been with Aelin or Lysandra. He had given up after he checked every corner of the tavern. You couldn’t have gone far, and you always came back to him… At least, that’s how he assumed this would go. 

He would give you space if you wanted it. Even if it felt like you had taken his heart with you. 

Two days later, when they were moving on from the little town your party had stopped in, he finally saw you again. You were walking arm in arm with Aelin, chatting about flowers, of all things. 

If Gavriel hadn’t been so worried about pissing you off again, he would have joked about it. He would have asked you when you had started to care about flowers? But the look you shot him over your shoulder, full of ice and hurt, had him biting his tongue and stopping in his tracks. 

You had never looked at him like that before. And he wasn’t the only one to notice. 

“Gods, what in the hell did you do to her to make her look at you like that?” Fenrys asked, letting out a low whistle.

Gavriel shook his head, both in disbelief and in response to Fenrys’s question. 

When your group finally stopped to set up camp, he braved approaching you, thinking that he had given you enough time to think… That he had given you enough space to sort through your feelings, but when he stopped to gather his thoughts outside of your tent, he heard your hushed whispers.

“I just… I need space for a few days…” You said, your voice nearly bringing him to his knees. 

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed the sound of it.

“What did he do?” Lysandra asked.

“He just… He said some things.” He didn’t need to see you to know you were shaking your head. He had your mannerisms memorized. 

“Like what?” This time it was Aelin who asked.

There was a long beat of silence, some rustling. He thought he heard a sniffle. 

“He told me that he didn’t believe my presence made a difference to our team… That my ‘particular set of skills’ weren’t useful to you.” You answered. “When I gave him the chance to take it back, he told me to get over it.”

He didn’t remember saying any of that. Didn’t even know why he had said it, because he sure as hell didn’t mean any of it. You were a talented warrior. Your skillset was useful to any battle… To any ruler. It was why Maeve had sought you out to join the cadre in the first place. 

For him to make you feel useless… 

It was no wonder you hadn’t approached him to talk it through yet… Why you hadn’t slept in the same bed as him since that night. 

“Well…” Lysandra started, but she had no idea how to comfort you…

No one did. No one other than the male you were doing your damndest to avoid like the plague. 

*****

You awoke the next day, your head pounding from the silent tears that you had let fall as everyone else in the camp had slept. You missed Gavriel. Missed wrapping your arms around him while you slept, missed talking about nothing with him… But you were still angry, and he had made no move to approach you, to apologize, so you hadn’t either. 

Aelin poked her head into your tent, offering you a small smile as her eyes met yours. 

“We’re packing up and heading into town. If you get your things, the guys will pack up the tent and we can be off.” 

“Of course.” You pushed to your feet and rolled your shoulders before slipping your leather armor back on and stuffing your belongings into the bag that you’d been carrying with you. 

Another town… Another night that you would sleep without the love of your life beside you. 

*****

You knew that you were overreacting, but as you watched Gavriel laugh with the pretty bar keep, it took everything in you not to lash out, not to stalk over to the bar and rip out her throat. Especially when she was giggling and eyeing him the way she was. Especially when she reached out a hand and ran it over his chest.

“Y/N?” Elide asked, waving a hand in front of your face before she followed your gaze and cursed under her breath. 

“I thought males were the territorial ones.” Lorcan jabbed, and was met with two slaps. One from Elide and one from Fenrys. Lorcan grumbled, taking his seat. 

You didn’t bother to reply, the scowl that had twisted your face only deepening as he reached out his hand and touched her shoulder. 

The action looked more like he was talking to a sister than flirting, but you saw red nonetheless.

Rowan stepped up to the table, Aelin following close behind him. One look at your face, and the Queen of Terrasen was making her way to the bar, toward Gavriel and his new… friend. 

You couldn’t make out what was said over the noise, but you saw both of their smiles drop as Gavriel turned to you. When his eyes met yours, you had to suppress the urge to look away, to keep the deadly look on your face. 

The woman seemed to suddenly be preoccupied wiping a glass down as you stared at Gavriel. He let his gaze drift to Rowan, a question lingering there. 

Rowan shook his head, as if to say now isn’t the time.

With a slight nod, Gavriel made his way to the table. You sprung to your feet, the sudden movement startling a few other patrons, and made your way to the door and into the fresh, night air that awaited on the other side of it. Aelin was hot on your heels. 

When you had made it out into the street, Aelin let out a low chuckle. 

“Why’re you leaving?”

“We’re fighting and he was flirting with that woman.” You glanced at her out of the corner of your eye. “Right in front of me.”

“Would it help you if I told you he was telling her he was spoken for when I went over?” She asked. 

It did help, but you couldn’t tell her that. Not when it still felt like your chest was cleaving itself in two.

“You should go back, get some dinner. I just need to take a bit of a walk… Clear my head a little.” 

She stopped you with a hand on your arm. “Come find me later if you need someone to talk to.” 

You only nodded, offering her a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes.

“If you’re not back in an hour, I’m sending the cadre to come save you.” Aelin winked, before she made her way back to the bar. 

*****

Aelin plopped down between Fenrys and Rowan with a sigh. Gavriel kept his eyes on the door, waiting for you to reenter.

“She’s going for a walk.” Aelin said, sparing him a glance before she returned to examining her nails. 

“What’s going on between the two of you?” Lorcan asked.

Elide rolled her eyes, “Nice one, by the way.” 

“What?” He asked indignantly.

“Learn to read the room, Lorcan.” Fenrys growled.

Gavriel shook his head, “We got into an argument the other night, and we haven’t really spoken since.”

“What about?” Elide asked. 

“Honestly, I don’t really remember what started the argument. Something about a task that Aelin wanted her to do.” He pondered. “Before we could work through things, she stormed out.”

“She stayed with me the night you guys fought.” Fenrys offered up.

Gavriel, the territorial side of him clawing its way to the surface, shot him a look and Fenrys held his hands up in surrender. 

“Relax, Gav.” Rowan said. 

“She just needed a safe place to sleep.” Fenrys said, his voice low. “That’s all that happened. I slept on the floor.”

“You shouldn’t even need to be told that nothing would happen.” Aelin said. “Especially since she almost committed a murder just watching you touch another woman.”

Gavriel sucked in a breath at that. “How upset was she?”

“Well…” Elide started, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“Fucking furious.” Fenrys deadpanned. 

Gavriel only sighed. “I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her space.” 

“The first day or so, sure.” Aelin stated. “But we’re going on almost an entire week. You need to go find her and talk.” 

*****

The bridge you had found was peaceful. You weren’t sure how long you had stood there, staring at the reflection of the moon on the water as it raged past. 

You heard him before you saw him. He was making noise on purpose, giving you a chance to leave if you so wished. 

You appreciated the option, but kept your feet firmly planted to the ground. You had had enough of the fighting and the running, and even though it had only been a few days, you missed him. 

“Hey.” He muttered, taking his place next to you, leaning against the railing to try and get a better look at your face. 

You leaned forward more, letting your hair create a curtain to shield you from him. 

“Can we talk?” He asked, his voice small, tentative.

“We don’t have anything to talk about.” You muttered, unable to stop the words from flowing from your lips.

“You know that isn’t true.” He touched your shoulder.

When you didn’t flinch away from him, he rubbed his hand down the length of your spine. 

“Please look at me.”

You did as he asked, turning your face so that you could meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“For what?” You asked.

“For everything.” He sighed. “I never should have made you feel like you weren’t as capable as me, or anyone else for that matter. You’re the most capable person I know.” 

You opened your mouth to reply, but closed it again, waiting for whatever else he had on the tip of his tongue. 

“I love you. And I’ve missed you.” He shrugged. “I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you space.”

You couldn’t stop the tears. Gods, you had missed him, too. You had barely slept a wink since you had walked away from him. And you knew that he hadn’t either by the bags under his beautiful eyes. 

“I love you, too.” You whispered, not trusting yourself to talk too loud. 

He reached forward and wiped the tears away from your cheeks like he always did any time you were upset. 

“Are we… Are you okay?” He asked, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You nodded, holding his gaze. “We’re okay.”

He pulled you into a tight hug, squeezing you so tightly you almost couldn’t breathe. 

“If I ever see another woman touching you like that again, though, I’ll rip out her throat.” 

He pulled away to look into your eyes again, and the look on your face had him letting out a bark of laughter. 

“S’not funny, Gavriel.” You grumbled.

“I know, baby. But you should know that I only have eyes for you.” 

A small smile pulled at the corners of your lips. “I know.” 

He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and leaned forward, waiting for your consent before he pressed his lips to yours in a kiss. 

“Does this mean that you’re going to sleep in the same bed as me again?” He asked, cradling your face in his hands. 

“I don’t know, Fenrys told me I could stay with him again…” You pretended to think, a finger on your chin.

The look he gave you had you laughing, then. At the sound of it, his scowl turned into a brilliant smile. 

“You’re beautiful.” He said, throwing an arm around you.  

You rested your head on his shoulder, watching the river for a while longer before heading back to the tavern, your heart and steps lighter now that you had the love of your life back beside you.

#gavriel #gavriel throne of glass #throne of glass #gavriel x reader #gavriel x you #gavriel fic

[lavenderdreams22]

Hi💓 can I request gavriel x reader? Where they have a fight and then reader sees him with another female and thinks the worst and it hurts her so she doesn't talk to gavriel ever and he thinks he's doing the right thing by giving her space? Angst ending in fluff please 🙏💕💕💕

Hi! I will be posting this tonight after I read through for any errors. I hope it’s what you were looking for. Thank you the request ☺️❤️

#gavriel #Gavriel throne of glass #throne of glass #gavriel x reader #answered

[lavenderdreams22]

acotar!Lucien was so nonchalantly hot

that scene where he's cleaning his weapons or whatever when Feyre asks him about the Suriel

when he's already on a horse when Feyre seeks him out in the stables

where he chugs a bottle of presumably faerie wine on their picnic while laying on a blanket on the ground

when he climbs up a fountain to remove a bloody head

#lucien acotar #acotar #lucien #lucien vanserra

[lavenderdreams22]

Pretty please could I be added to the tag list for a Court of Dawn and Dusk? I’ve just re-read the whole series and I’m in love with it even more 💕

Of course, I’ll get you added to the next part! I’m really happy to hear you’re enjoying it! ❤️

#a court of dawn and dusk #answered

[lavenderdreams22]

Could I get a Rafe x reader where they kiss on a dare? Something fluffy?? I love your writing

Just posted something along these lines. I hope you like it!

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #answered

[lavenderdreams22]

Something About You - Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: A game of truth or dare leads you to an awkward situation with Rafe. Fluff.

Request: Could I get a Rafe x reader where they kiss on a dare? Something fluffy?? I love your writing

This isn’t exactly what you asked for, but the concept is similar. I hope you like it ❤️

Warnings: nothing really. Maybe a bit of cussing?

*****

“Come on, Y/N.” Kie laughed, taking another swig of beer. “You have to tell us. You chose truth.”

“If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you. What’s my punishment?”

Sarah leaned over to her, giggling as she fell over and struggled to prop herself up on her arms. When she finally managed to, she whispered something into Kie’s ear.

Kiara’s eyes widened as her face broke out into a mischievous grin. “Okay! Your punishment is…” she hit her lap to mimic a drumroll. “Sneak into Rafe’s room and steal his favorite watch.”

“He’s probably worn the damn thing to bed.” You said, your eyes wide.

You’d had a crush on Rafe for years. Something about him drew you in, but you knew that if you let yourself get too close, he’d chew you up and spit you out.

“Do it.” Sarah said, resting her head on Kiara’s shoulder. “If he’s wearing it, you’ll just have to come up with a really convincing reason for him to let you have it.”

You shook your head before standing on shaky legs and stumbling to the door.

The two of them broke out into a fit of giggles that was only slightly muffled by the closing of the bedroom door.

You snuck to Rafe’s room on what you thought were silent feet, careful to stop every couple of steps to listen intently to the sounds of the house. The last thing you needed was for Ward to catch you sneaking into or out of his sons bedroom.

As you reached his door, you could feel the sweat lining your shaking hands.

God he would kill you if he caught you outside his room like this. He would kill you again if he caught you inside his room. He’d probably kill you a third time for taking his watch. But in truth or dare, a punishment was a punishment… and you weren’t a pussy.

Taking a deep breath to steel your nerves, you shoved the door open. To your excitement, it was silent and the lights were on, making it easier to find what you were looking for. To your disappointment, Rafe was still awake. He was sitting up in bed, scrolling through his phone.

As he spotted the movement at his door, his eyes shifted to you, and a furrow appeared between his brows.

“What d’ya want Y/L/N?” He said, his voice the type of gravelly that sent shivers down your spine.

“Oh, I… I didn’t think you’d be in here on a Friday night.” You took a step forward as his brow furrowed even deeper.

“You’re in my bedroom.”

“Yeah, I suppose I am.” You smiled, the alcohol making you brave.

“Okay… get out?” He said, but it came out more like a question.

“I would, but I’m kind of on a mission right now.” Your eyes scanned the room again, landing on his wrist.

There was the watch, sitting pretty and expensive.

You crossed the room to him before you could rethink your decision and grabbed his hand, fiddling with the clasp on the watch.

“What the hell are you doing?” He snapped but he didn’t pull out of your touch.

“I just need to borrow this for a bit.” Finally wiggling the clasp loose, you pulled the watch from his arm. He just stared at you, confusion evident on his face.

“You’re drunk.”

“Yep.” You said, popping the ‘p’.

“You gonna pawn it?” He sat up more, leaning closer to you. “If you need money, just ask.”

“No, Rafe.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m not gonna pawn it. You’ll have it back tomorrow… Probably.”

He scoffed. “What do you need it for?”

“You let me worry about that, handsome.” You hiccuped and patted his cheek with one of your hands.

“Handsome?” His frown spread into a grin. “Since when do you think I’m handsome?”

“I’ve always… always found you handsome.” You swayed a bit on your feet.

“Okay, you must be farther gone than I gave you credit for.” He gripped your shoulders. “Sit for a minute.”

You gave a half hearted protest, but let him sit you down.

“So…” he started, slowly removing his hands. “You think I’m handsome?”

You hummed, feeling the blush creep across your already red face.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” He sat back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But I never told you. Mostly cause I didn’t think it’d matter since… you’re… you know… you.” You gestured at him.

“And why would me being me make your feelings not matter?” His frown was back, and you wanted to kiss it away.

“I’ve been friends with Sarah for years.” You flopped back on the mattress, the watch still clasped tightly in your fingers. “You’ve never really given me more than a couple words here and there.”

“You’re always surrounded by guys.” He shrugged.

“Just JJ and Pope, maybe John B.” You shrugged. “They’re hardly guys.”

Rafe snorted. You cursed yourself for giving him the ammo, but you were too drunk to attempt to backpedal.

“God, you know…” you propped yourself up and met his eyes. “You’re just like… you’ve always been so attractive. I really started to notice in, like, 5th grade.”

“You’ve felt like this since 5th grade?”

“Yeah, course I have.” You rolled your eyes before your face split into a beautiful smile.

You didn’t notice the way his breath caught in his throat.

“Well, I’ve always found you, um… beautiful.” He shrugged. “You just seemed off limits, what with the pogues and Sarah.”

“Since when have you cared if something was off limits?”

He grinned. “Fair point.”

“So.” You nodded, sitting up farther. “You find me beautiful, and I find you handsome.”

He nodded, suddenly wary of the faraway look on your face.

“And yet, we’ve never done anything about it.”

His mouth went dry. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to. Hell, he had thought about you more than he thought appropriate. Late at night, right when he woke up, when he was working, golfing, drinking. There wasn’t really a waking moment where thoughts of you didn’t plague his mind.

“No, we haven’t.” He gulped, hoping you missed the way his voice shook. He wiped his sweaty hands on his pajama pants.

“I think it’s time we rectify that, don’t you?” You leaned closer to him.

Rafe knew he should pull away… knew he needed to tell you to go, but he found himself leaning closer, his lips only inches from yours.

“You gonna let me kiss you, Rafe?” You murmured, your voice felt like a soft caress down his spine.

He didn’t answer, just closed the distance and pressed his lips to yours. You were soft and you tasted like beer and vanilla, and he was sure that he could spend forever in this moment and never have any regrets. But, too quickly you were pulling away, your eyes still closed as your breathed. He watched the way your chest rose and fell before you shot him another of your dazzling smiles. .

“Better than I imagined.” You whispered, finally opening your eyes to meet his burning gaze.

You shook yourself to snap out of the moment and put more distance between you. Rafe resisted the urge to pull you closer, to capture your lips with his, to pull you on top of him and further that kiss into something more.

“I should get back.” You spoke again, your voice still full of heat.

Before he could pull you back, you had crossed the room and let yourself into the hallway. He groaned, letting his head fall into his hands. This would really not help his small obsession with you.

When looked back up, the glint of something shiny caught his eye.

His watch.

You must have dropped it during the kiss, or maybe during your escape.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he launched himself out of bed, scooping the watch up, and forced himself to walk, not run, to the door. When he opened it, you were nowhere to be found, but the laughter from Sarah’s room drew him in.

Knocking on the door, he waited for a moment before Sarah giggled. “Come in.”

He pushed the door open, and his gaze settled on you.

“You forgot something.” He said, crossing the room in two small strides.

“Oh yeah?” You grinned up at him.

“Yeah.”

Falling to his knees in front of you, he gently grabbed the back of your neck with one hand and crashed his lips to yours.

After a surprised squeak, you kissed him back.

Where the first kiss had been warm and slow, this one was hot and fast, almost as if you couldn’t get enough of each other.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Sarah stated, fake gagging.

You pulled away, giggling, your breath fanning over his face.

He let go of you and got back to his feet before dangling the watch in front of your face.

Sarah and Kie gasped.

You turned to Sarah as you said, “I win.”

He wasn’t sure what you were talking about or what game you were playing, but Rafe couldn’t help thinking, as he grinned down at you, that he was the one who had won.

#outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron x you #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe fic #rafe x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe imagine #obx rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x y/n #rafe obx #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron fluff #outer banks #obx fanfiction #obx x reader

[lavenderdreams22]

Do you write for Gavriel? Or Cassian?

I would write for either of them! I have a Gavriel fic in the works, but I don’t know for sure when I’ll have time to finish and post it yet. Feel free to send in a request.

#acotar #throne of glass #gavriel #cassian acotar #answered

[lavenderdreams22]

A Court of Dawn & Dusk - Azriel x Reader (Part 9)

Summary: Rhys and Y/N receive an unexpected invitation. Azriel tries and fails to come to terms with a decision that Y/N makes.

A/N: I hope you guys like it. As always, comments and feedback are always welcome!

Warnings: cursing and a bit of angst, but I think that's pretty much it. Quickly edited.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

*****

She hadn’t looked up from her book yet. Azriel wasn’t even sure that she had seen or heard them come in, but that was perfectly okay with him. She poked her tongue out as she scribbled something down on a piece of loose parchment and he felt his heartbeat pick up just at the sight of such a simple thing. She had turned him into a lovesick fool, and he couldn’t have been happier about it if he tried. 

Amren sat across from her at the table, her own book flipped open and her own piece of parchment sitting out. Her hand was poised over it as if she were about to jot down a note, but her knuckles were white as she gripped the pen so tightly. Azriel was sure that if he listened hard enough, he would hear the way the metal and plastic groaned under the pressure. 

Why are we standing in the shadows? Rhys asked, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes alight with amusement. 

Just wanted to look at her for a moment longer. Azriel replied, not bothering to hide his emotions from his best friend, his brother. 

Rhysand turned to him, searching his eyes for a moment before offering him a small smirk. 

You can stand here and watch her for as long as you want. Rhys’ voice was gentle.

Before either of them had a chance to step out from the shadows, Amren let out an annoyed sigh and looked into their dark corner with narrowed eyes. 

“We know you’re there.” She snapped. “Come out before I drag your asses out of the shadows myself.”

Azriel shuddered as Rhys let out a nervous chuckle. Amren, though tiny, was terrifying. They stepped out together, making their way slowly to the table the two females occupied. 

“About time.” She grumbled. “I was beginning to think that you would continue to creep around for the rest of the afternoon.”

Y/N snorted as she watched Azriel over her shoulder, her eyebrows raised in a silent question. She had pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to hold in her laughter. He pulled her into a kiss as soon as he was close enough to touch her, relishing in the way she always seemed to taste of strawberries. 

“You’re addicting.” He murmured against her lips. 

She giggled against him, and he filed the sound way in his mind as he had done with every other laugh or smile that he had earned from her. Because it wasn’t just her kisses that were an addiction. It was also the way that warmth spread through his chest every time she touched him, making him tingle from the very top of his head down to his toes, or even the way that she made him feel safe. Made him feel as if he had finally come home. 

That’s what she was to him. She was Azriel’s home. And he had never truly had one of those before, at least not in this sense. The House of Wind, or even the townhouse, had come close. But now he knew, without a doubt, that he had somewhere he belonged, even if every building in Prynthian burned to the ground. As long as she was with him, he was home. 

Everything about her was his and everything about him was hers and neither of them blinked at any of the terrible things the other had done. There was no judgment, only love and unbridled acceptance and so much warmth that he worried that it would burn. It was as if he had been dunked head first into a vat of sunlight after years of being frozen solid in the thickest, most impenetrable ice. Even his shadows seemed to calm their frantic whispering in her presence. 

Amren cleared her throat, and his surroundings rushed back into his peripheral. He hadn’t realized that he had still been kissing her. From the looks of her swollen lips, it had been more than what he had intended. He always seemed to lose track of time and space whenever she was around. 

Azriel shook himself from his thoughts and finally pulled away from his mate, the love of his life, the future mother of his children. The loss of her warmth made him want to light himself on fire to feel it again, so he pulled a chair close to her side and plopped into it, laying a hand on her thigh so that he did not have to go another moment without touching her.

Rhys rounded the table to sit next to Amren. 

“What have we found?” He asked, his violet eyes scanning both of the females faces. 

Y/N pushed her piece of parchment towards him. Rhys plucked it from the table to look it over, his face carefully neutral. 

“Nothing much. Nothing that we didn’t already know, anyway.” She shook her head and worried her lip between her teeth, the gesture so different from the way she had bit her lip only a few moments before. 

The worry in her eyes had Azriel on high alert. Sitting straighter in her chair, he squeezed her leg in an attempt to calm her. When she offered him a small smile and placed her hand over his, he relaxed, but only by a fraction. 

“Amren?” Rhys asked, turning in his chair to give her his full attention.

Azriel tried to listen, he really did… But the feeling of his mate’s hand on top of his made his head fuzzy, full of thoughts of her. 

It never mattered how much time he spent by her side, every smile and laugh and touch felt new. He looked at her, his eyes full of love. 

I wish I had found you sooner. 

She grinned at him, bringing his hand to her lips for a quick kiss as if to return the sentiment. 

Before he could tune back into the conversation, a disheveled Cassian appeared beside the table.

“Rhys, Y/N… You two got an invitation.” Cassian started, refusing to meet Azriel’s eyes. “Delivered to Hewn City by a Hybern soldier.”

Azriel straightened his spine again, all of the ease bleeding from his body. The lovesick look slipped from his face and was replaced with the cold mask of the Shadowsinger. 

“Us?” She turned wide eyes to the High Lord. “Why would we be the only two invited?”

Cassian shrugged before passing the envelope to Rhys.

“You’re not going.” Azriel growled, not bothering to wait and see what the invitation was for. 

Y/N opened her mouth to protest, but Rhys cut her off with a raised hand as he opened the letter with the other. 

“I agree with Azriel.” Rhys stated, keeping the unreadable mask in place as he scanned over the invitation. “If something goes wrong, which it most likely will based on their track record, I do not want you in the crossfire.”

Again. The word went unspoken, but Azriel knew that it was implied as Rhysand’s eyes flicked up and met his. 

“Will you at least tell me what the invitation is for?” Y/N asked. 

Rhys cleared his throat. “I hereby invite Y/N of the Dawn Court and Rhysand, High Lord of the Night Court to the first annual Masquerade. Hosted Under the Mountain.”

“Amarantha?” Cassian asked, though everyone already knew the answer.

“Yeah, she’s signed her name at the bottom.” Leaning back in his chair, Rhys eyed Y/N. “You’re not going.”

Azriel grumbled his agreement, his grip on her thigh tightening. 

“You can’t do this on your own.” Y/N said, her own voice hard and unmoving. “And you can’t really stop me. I was invited, too, after all.”

Azriel felt his mouth go dry. He knew that tone, the way her shoulders and jaw were set. It was the same way she had spoken to him the day he had been too injured and she had almost died.

“I’m coming with you, then.” Azriel ground out, his teeth clenched so hard he was surprised he hadn’t cracked a tooth. “If you’re so determined to put yourself in harm's way.”

“You weren’t invited.” She snapped, shooting him a glare. 

He laughed, the sound low and dangerous. He felt the shiver that ran up her spine as he dipped his head closer to her ear, his breath fanning over her. Normally the reaction would have caused a different feeling to erupt in his chest, but right now all he felt was anger and dread. 

“I don’t care.”

Her breath hitched in her throat.

‘’Let’s come up with a plan instead of arguing the matter like a bunch of children.” Amren stated with a roll of her eyes. 

*****

I flopped on the bed, bouncing Azriel a bit as I let out a sigh. He tossed his boots across the room, anger radiating off of him in dangerous waves.

“Can you just look at me for a moment?” I asked, placing a hand on his back.

His muscles tensed under my touch.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Azriel grumbled, taking a deep breath. 

“I know you do, but I’ll be fine.” My words didn’t sound as reassuring as I hoped they would.

“And how do you know that?” He asked, meeting my eyes over his shoulder. “How do you know they won’t try to gut you again?”

“Because Rhysand will be there. He would kill them all before they could raise their swords.” my hand trailed up his back to his shoulder. 

He turned away from me, staring at some unknown thing in the distance that only he could see. His shadows grew, blocking out bits of my view of him, their whispers getting louder as if the thought of me being out of their sight was painful for them, as well. 

“I can’t protect you if I'm not there.” He said, his voice breaking on the last word. 

I tucked my feet underneath me so that I sat on my knees and pressed myself against him. His wings relaxed under the weight of my body.

I didn’t have the words to tell him that everything would be okay. Deep down, I knew he was right. Something was… off about this invitation. Amarantha had proved to us all that she had less than pure intentions since she had stepped foot in Prynthian. 

The longer the silence stretched on, the more I could practically hear the wheels turning in his mind. 

“Talk to me, Azriel.” I whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his wing. 

“I can’t let you just waltz back there.” He turned again, looking at me over his shoulder. 

“Short of locking me in the house, I’m afraid you can’t stop me from going.” I kissed his wing again. “I don’t want Rhys to go by himself. Someone needs to look out for him.”

“He can handle himself.” He growled. “You’re not going.” 

Even though he sounded angry, I could hear the desperation and breathless agony that laced each word. 

“The last time you were anywhere close to a Hybern soldier, you almost died.” He turned fully, taking my face in his hands. “I can’t lose you.”

“I was chosen by the mother, the cauldron, or whatever other powers in the universe to be your mate because I am your equal in one way or another. I can handle myself.”

He just stared at me, his eyes growing sadder as he looked me over. It was almost as if he were committing this moment to memory. 

“We will go, get the information that we need, figure out what the hell she wants, and then we will leave. And I will come back to you in one piece. I swear it.” I placed a hand over his heart, resting my head on his shoulder as he pulled me into a bone crushing hug. 

I wasn’t sure how long we had sat there, tangled in each other's arms.

“It will be fine.” I kissed his shoulder and then his neck, pushing the rising sense of dread that had started to wrap itself around my own heart to the recesses of my mind. 

I, too, had a terrible feeling about this.

*****

Three days later, Azriel and I stood in a small dress shop on the Rainbow, sorting through racks and racks of different colors and materials. 

He had barely smiled since I had told him that I was going to go and he didn’t have a choice.

“What about this one?” I asked, pulling a black silk slip dress from the rack and holding it up to myself. 

He looked it over, his eyes darkening as he pulled his lip between his teeth. 

I chuckled and cocked my head to the side. “Words, please.”

He gulped, the fire in his eyes remaining. “You’d look beautiful in this… Dangerously beautiful.”

He shook his head to try and snap himself out of his lust, but I didn’t miss the change in his scent. Just as I was sure he didn’t miss the change in mine.

“I wonder if there’s a mask that would go with this…” I mumbled to myself as I ran a finger over the material.

As if I had summoned her, the shopkeeper appeared at my side, scaring the living hell out of me. Where had she come from? I whipped my head around, looking for any hiding place in the vicinity.

When my gaze landed on Azriel, he was holding back a laugh with a hand over his mouth. I resisted the urge to reach over and smack him. He had probably known she was close by.

“Mask, you say?” She hobbled back to the counter, seeming not to notice that she had almost given me a heart attack, and beckoned me with one wrinkled hand.  “We have several back here.”

Ariel followed behind me silently, a hand on my lower back. He tried to always keep some sort of contact with me. It always brought me comfort, but for the last few days, I was sure the contact was more for him than it was for me.

I took a quick glance over my shoulder, and I could still see the humor dancing in his eyes. I shot him a smile, and his face changed to one of soft adoration.

When we approached the counter, she lifted two black masks, holding them up to her face in turn so I could get a good look at them. I snuck another look at Azriel over my shoulder.

His shoulders were tight as he stared at her. I had no doubt that he had just remembered what we were shopping for in the first place. When he met my gaze again, the look from before had vanished and he forced a another small smile that looked more like a grimace.

I gestured to the woman, asking him without asking to choose one of the options she had in her hands. 

“The one on the left.” He said, his voice tight. 

I turned back to look at his choice. It was a simple black silk with an overlay of lace. The swirls reminded me of his ever present shadows. 

“I’ll take that one.” I nodded, lifting the dress to the counter. “And this, please.”

I moved to take out my coin purse, but Azriel stopped me with a hand and a shake of his head.

“Add it to my tab, Irene.” 

“You have a tab in a dress store?” I asked with my hands on my hips, my tone laced with unnecessary irritation.

The lady behind the counter shook her head, tsking at Azriel as she took the dress from me and put it gently into a garment bag. 

Azriel only chuckled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to my temple. 

We were halfway home before he started laughing again, drawing the attention of people that were milling about nearby. The sound was magic to my ears.

Gods, how I had missed his laugh the last couple of days. 

“I’ve bought you three or four dresses from that same shop, you know.” 

“You have?” I stopped, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Yes.” He eyed me for a moment before clearing his throat. “Do you remember that cobalt blue dress that Mor had you wear to the ball?”

“Of course, it was beautiful.” I said, before adding under my breath, “if not a little revealing.” 

“Well,” a grin broke out over his beautiful face. “I bought that one. Wanted to say sorry for being such a prick… Also, a pretty big part of me wanted us to match. Thought it might repel any potential competition while I tried to get my shit together.”

I leaned into him, grabbing his free arm and nearly swooning at the hard muscle underneath.

“You’re such a softy.” I grinned.

He shook his head, still grinning. “Only for you.”

*****

Tomorrow… Tomorrow was the day that she went into the one place he never wanted her to set foot in again. Tomorrow was the day that he would figure out if this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach was either proven right or that he had been worrying for no reason. 

He trusted his intuition. He had to, especially since he had become the High Lord’s Spymaster. He was rarely ever wrong about these things. 

The inner circle sat around the table for dinner as they always did, and Azriel tried his best to shake the feeling of dread that had been following him around like dense fog… One that only seemed to get thicker with every passing moment. His shadows were louder than usual, and he was almost surprised that no one else could hear their constant worrying. 

Well, no one other than his mate. Who could somehow hear them on a typical day. She hadn’t asked, but there had been moments that she flinched when they got particularly loud as they reached out for her. 

Cassian waved a hand in front of his face in an attempt to snap him back to reality. He hadn’t noticed that he had been spacing out, but when he shook his head and glanced around, he saw that every pair of eyes was turned towards him, full of worry.

“You alright?” Rhys asked, his spoon full of soup paused halfway to his mouth. 

“Fine, just tired.” Azriel picked up his own spoon, staring down at a plate of lettuce and various other vegetables.

When had the plates been cleared? A quick glance around showed that everyone but him had soup in front of them.

“He hasn’t been sleeping well.” Y/N said from beside him as she handed him a fork.

“I’m fine.” Azriel said again with a little more conviction. 

“Maybe we should turn in early tonight?” She asked, leaning forward to catch his eye.

Azriel felt bad for not confiding in her, for not telling her that the idea of her leaving made him feel like his heart was being ripped from his chest, even if it was for just a single night. 

How would he even broach the subject without sounding like he was trying to control her and the situation? Or without making her feel like he didn’t believe in her?

“Good idea.” He pushed back from his spot at the table too quickly, the scrape of the chair making her flinch.

He wanted to slap himself for putting the look of worry on her beautiful face.

He was moving before she had the opportunity to stand, but she followed, bidding everyone goodnight. 

When they reached their room, he spun on her and pulled her to his chest in a tight embrace.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you,” she breathed. “But please talk to me. You’ve been distant since we got that stupid invitation.”

His heart ached for her. She had gone days thinking he was mad or upset with her. So, instead of talking, he pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I’m just scared.” He whispered. 

“Scared of what?” She pulled away to meet his eyes.

“I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, my love.” She pressed a kiss to his chest. He felt the heat from her touch through his leathers. “We’ll go and be back before you even have a chance to miss me.”

“Impossible.” He pulled her closer to him. “I miss you always.” 

“Azriel….” She tried to pull out of his grasp, but as his eyes filled with tears, he held her tighter to keep her from seeing them.

He knew she had to be sick of hearing about how scared and worried he was. Hell, he was tired of feeling that way… But until he had her safely back in his arms, he wouldn’t know peace.

“Y/N, listen to me.” His voice cracked and she stilled against him at the sound of it. “The first sign of danger, you winnow as far away as you can and then you make your way back to me.” 

“I will.” She squeezed him tighter. “I swear it.” 

*****

The next night came far too quickly, and he wished that he had spent more time with her and less time brooding. His hands slipped over the silk that covered her beautiful body as he kissed her lips.

“I’ll see you in a few hours.” She said between kisses. “I love you.” 

“I love you, Y/N.” He said, his heart warring with his head. “I’ll see you later.” 

And with that promise hanging between them, she stepped back to Rhysand’s side and took his hand. Azriel’s arms were still outstretched when they disappeared into the night. 

*****

Cassian shook him awake. He wasn’t sure what time it was, or when he had fallen asleep, but the look on his face had Azriel sitting straight up in his bed.

“What happened?” He asked.

Cassian just shook his head, his brows pulling together. Azriel felt his heart pull, the bond growing tight and then dimming.

“Cassian… what-”

Before he could finish the sentence, Mor threw the door open. She was in her pajamas, her long blonde hair tied into a knot on the top of her head. Her eyes were wild as she met Azriel’s stare.

“She trapped them.” Her voice was thick with tears, and he felt his own well in his eyes.

“What?”

“She trapped them. Rhys sent word, we’re to protect the people and Velaris until they can find a way out.” Cassian said, his voice surprisingly clear.

“I… I have to get her out.” Azriel started to move, but Cassian clapped a hand on his shoulder to keep him in place.

“Magic has been dwindled down to nothing.” Cassian shook his head. “We need to reserve our power.”

Azriel was shaking with unreleased sobs. He knew this had been a bad idea. He knew he never should have let her go. But he had listened to her, not to reason, when she had told him she would be fine. And now she was trapped… in enemy territory. And there was nothing he could do about it.

He hung his head, letting a sob break free. Cassian sat on the bed next to him, his own tears sliding down his face as he slung an arm around his shoulders.

She wouldn’t want them to fall apart. Rhys had given them orders. Rhys had given them something to do. And he desperately needed something to do, or he would fly there, magic be damned, and tear the entire mountain to the ground.

But she wouldn’t have wanted him to fall apart and because of that, he wouldn’t allow himself to. So he steeled his nerves, pushed back the sadness that was pounding in his head, and cleared his throat.

“Someone get Amren.” Azriel muttered. “We need to have a meeting.”

*****

Taglist: @brekkershadowsinger @mis-lil-red @judig92

#acotar #azriel shadowsinger #acomaf #acowar #azriel x reader #azriel spymaster #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel #azriel acotar

[lavenderdreams22]

A Court of Dawn & Dusk - Azriel x Reader (part 8)

Summary: Y/N and Azriel deal with the aftermath of the botched mission. Y/N makes a decision on the bond.

A/N: lots of fluff, a teeny tiny bit of angst. I hope you guys enjoy! It’s a little short, but it’s all I could manage this week since I was sick. ❤️

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

*****

Dawn had just broken, pinks and oranges stretching across the sky as it lightened. It reminded me of home, bringing a sense of peace. 

I was still coated in a sheen of sweat, my heartbeat still hammering in my chest from the nightmare that had shaken me from sleep. 

The images of dead men and blood were still vivid in my mind, and I shook my head to rid myself of the memories. 

Glancing over at Azriel, I let out a shaky breath. He was laying face down on the oversized mattress, his cheek pressed into the pillow, light snores coming from his slightly open mouth. Even his shadows were resting.

He had stayed up later than I wanted him to, rocking me as I had a panic attack, but he seemed more than willing to do so. 

Rolling onto my side, I reached over and brushed the dark hair that had fallen into his face back. 

His eyebrows scrunched at the feeling of being touched, and he stirred for a moment before his eyes popped open, finding mine immediately as if he knew exactly where they’d be. 

“Morning, handsome.”  I said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“Mornin’.” He grumbled, his voice still raspy with sleep. 

I pulled away a bit to continue watching him, feeling calmer now that I had heard him speak. Something about the tenor in his voice always seemed to put my mind at ease. 

“Where you going?” He asked, eyeing me through heavy lids as I made myself comfortable. 

“No where, just wanted to look at you.” I muttered, reaching for him to stroke a hand up his arm. 

“I would prefer it if you let me hold you for a while til I’m ready to get up. C’mere.” He reached for me, his movements sluggish in his haze. 

This version of Az was always my favorite. Sleepy and soft and so, so touchy. 

“But I like watching you.” I scooted backwards on the bed a bit more, making myself just out of his reach, a teasing smile on my lips. 

He rolled his eyes playfully before bringing his hands up to cover my head. My smile spread into a grin.

“I guess I’ll just have to go, then.” I said, attempting to make my voice sound serious even as I stifled a giggle and moved to get out of bed. 

Azriel pulled me back, tucking me into his chest. 

“Nuh-uh.” He said, a small smile playing on his lips. “You’re staying here with me forever.” 

“I don’t think Rhys would appreciate it if I kept his coveted Spy Master occupied forever.” 

“I know him better than you. He will understand.” Azriel quipped, pressing sloppy kisses to my shoulder. “I’d much rather you keep me occupied, anyway. You’re prettier.” 

“I’ll tell him you said that when he inevitably comes to get you.” I said, tilting my head back to give him better access to my neck. 

He pulled away, mock-hurt flashing in his eyes. “You wouldn’t dare.” 

“Oh yes, I would dare.” I giggled. “In fact, let me go. I’m going to go tell him now.” 

His hold on me only tightened. “Now you’re really never getting out of this bed.” 

I giggled as he rolled me onto my back and propped himself above me. 

There was a heat in his eyes, the kind that he reserved only for me, but there was love and adoration there, too. The sight of it nearly took my breath away. 

As he leaned down to kiss me, a sharp knock sounded on the door. 

“All right, love birds. Enough sappy shit. Y/N, we have training to do.” Cassian shouted from the hallway. 

Azriel groaned, resting his head in the crook of my neck. 

“Give us just a minute!” I shouted back. 

Cassian threw the door open, giving us both a shit eating grin. “Nope. Your father was very specific. We need to ease you back into everything, and to do that, we need to start early.” 

Azriel glared at him over his shoulder, his mood darkening as he did so. He hadn’t completely gotten over his jealousy at Cassian and I’s friendship, and he was struggling to let me out of his sight when he had work to do.

“It’s okay, my love.” I said, touching a hand to his cheek. “I’ll meet you back here later.” 

His eyes met mine and they softened, as they always did. He only nodded before rolling off of me and getting to his feet. 

“Give her a few minutes.” Azriel grumbled half heartedly as he stepped into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind him. 

I stood, stretching as I moved to get ready for the long day ahead of me. 

*****

Azriel stood in the corner of Rhysand’s office, his arms crossed over his chest. 

The wind seemed to mirror his mood, whipping around the House of Wind so violently, it howled down every corridor, every remnant of the good mood that he’d had in his bedroom gone now that they were discussing this mission. 

Rhys read through the report, his face carefully neutral. Finally, he set it aside and leaned back in his oversized leather chair. 

“So.” Rhys began, not yet meeting Azriel’s eyes. He was grateful for the reprieve of his High Lord's displeasure. “That turned out to be quite the disaster.”

Azriel remained silent. He knew the mission had been an epic failure on his part. His mate had almost died because of it. 

“How’re you feeling?” Rhys asked after a few moments of silence. 

“I’m fine.” Azriel’s voice sounded foreign, strained. As if he had spent months in the desert with no water. He could care less about how he was doing.

“And how is Y/N?” Finally, the High Lord met the Spy Master’s eyes. 

“She’s… better. Still sore.” Azriel shook the memory that Rhysand had let him see from his mind, of her lying in a puddle of her own blood. “Her father cleared her for exercise. She’s up with Cassian now.” 

Rhys seemed to loosen a breath at that. 

“I still can’t believe that she…” Rhysand pulled the report back to himself, reading over it again as if he hadn’t seen the carnage himself. “She killed a dozen men, a dozen trained soldiers, all on her own.” 

Azriel couldn’t help it as he let out a growl, the sound forming deep in his chest. He hated the thought of her getting caught up in that mess. He hated the nightmares that she’d had every night since. He hated himself for not being strong enough to help her when she needed him most. “She wouldn’t have had to if I hadn’t let myself get injured.” 

“You can’t blame yourself forever.” Rhys shot him a knowing look. 

If there was one thing Azriel was good at, it was beating himself up. But this was different. This was personal, and he had spent every waking moment that he wasn’t wrapped around her thinking about all the ways he planned to make Hybern and Amarantha pay for what they had done. 

So, Azriel forced the words from between his clenched teeth. “When your mate nearly dies at the hands of your enemy because you were too weak to stop it, you can talk to me about how long is appropriate to hold yourself accountable.” 

Rhys froze, a gleam in his eye that Azriel couldn’t place.

“Mate?” 

Azriel froze as well at his own admission. He certainly wasn’t hiding it. Couldn’t even if he wanted to as the scent of her and the clung to every inch of him. But he hadn’t planned on telling Rhysand like this, either. 

“She’s my mate.” He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face, his mood lightening a bit. 

It was truly amazing how quickly she could take him from broody and angry to a smiling, sentimental mess. It truly was not becoming for the all feared Spy Master of the Night Court. 

“Has she accepted the bond?” Rhys grinned back.

“She plans to. I told her there was no rush.” Azriel ruffled his wings, the tension that was in his body seeming to melt away as he thought of her. “I didn’t want to pressure her after everything she’s been through.” 

Rhys nodded, his grin getting wider as he mulled over this new information. 

“Congratulations, brother.” Rhys said. “You two are perfect for each other.” 

*****

“This can’t be the same female that killed all those men.” Cassian quipped, swatting me away from yet another failed attempt to take him down. 

My breathing was labored as I glared at him. 

“Do me a favor, Cassian.” 

He cocked his head to the side in a silent question, and I held up my middle finger. 

His laughter ricocheted around the training ring, and I couldn’t keep the smile from my lips as I turned on my heel and stalked to the water table. 

“Jokes aside, you’re doing well. All things considered.” Cassian followed, leaning against the table. 

The entire thing shifted and groaned under his weight, and I stared at it for a moment, waiting, hoping, for it to crumble, for it to send the Lord of Bloodshed tumbling to the ground. 

“How are you doing mentally, though?” He asked. 

“I’m fine.” I snapped. And then sighed. And then repeated, in a softer, more convincing tone. “I’m fine.”

“Mental blocks can be just as bad as physical ones, Y/N.” He took his own cup of water, chugging it down in one gulp, never taking his eyes off of me. 

“I know that.” I grumbled. 

Truth was, I hadn’t been alright at all since then. Nightmares plagued almost every night's sleep. But standing next to a male who had taken countless lives… It felt stupid and small to complain about. 

I had nearly opened up to Azriel’s few times, but it never felt right, even as he shook me awake and held me until the tremors stopped. 

“Killing never gets easier.” Cassian said, setting his cup down gently, as if not to spook me. “If you don’t want to talk to me, at least talk to Madja. She’s an amazing healer for body and mind.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“Well, think fast. We start again in five minutes.” 

I shot him another half hearted glare before chugging the rest of my water and tossing the cup aside.  

*****

Nuala and Cerridwin stood in the kitchen, preparing something for lunch when I rounded the corner. 

They both glanced up in unison and I gave them a small smile. 

“Good morning.” 

They both nodded their heads in acknowledgement before returning to work. 

I cleared my throat, bringing their attention back to me. 

“What can we do for you, Y/N?” Nuala asked, her voice quiet. 

“I was wondering if you could help me make some sort of cake.” I glanced around at the counters. “For Azriel.” 

I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. I had spoken to both of them several times in the past. 

“Of course.” Cerridwin replied, offering me a small smile. “What do you think he would want?” 

I shrugged. “I was thinking of something with strawberries.” 

They nodded again and beckoned me fully into the kitchen. 

“Is this to accept the mating bond?” Nuala asked. 

I gave her a look that must have given away my confusion of her knowing. 

They both only gave me a knowing smile. 

I offered them a grin of my own. “Yes, it’s to accept the mating bond.” 

*****

Azriel walked into the townhouse at sundown, his head pounding from a long day's work. He and Rhys had been working on gathering more information about Amarantha and why there suddenly seemed to be a hoard of soldiers in Prynthian. 

When he had received a message from Y/N around midday to meet him at the town house, it was all he could focus on. She was all he could ever seem to focus on lately. 

He continued on through the house, his footsteps nearly silent as he searched for her. Not that he had to search long. His shadows always seemed to know exactly where to find her, anyway. As soon as they came back to him, whispering that she was in the kitchen, he heard something clang to the ground. 

The grin that spread across his face was unstoppable as he sped up, his footsteps making more noise as he went. He couldn’t wait to get back to her, to have her in his arms again. Just to breathe her in, that would be enough to erase all of the bullshit from the day. 

As he rounded the corner, he came face to face with the most beautiful sight that he had ever seen in his entire life. 

There she was, leaning against the counter, tasting some kind of batter off of a spoon as she watched the oven. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun, pieces falling out and hanging in her face. She was covered in flour, but she looked happier than she had in weeks. 

When she looked up and saw him leaning against the wall, her face seemed to brighten even more. 

“Azriel.” She breathed, smiling at him in a way that warmed his heart.

“More beautiful every single time I see you.” He whispered as she made her way to him to press soft kisses to his lips. 

“I… I made something.” She looked down at herself. “Obviously.” 

“And what did you make?” 

“Strawberry shortcake.” She looked up at him, her eyes twinkling. “For you.” 

His heart stuttered in his chest at the meaning behind her words. 

“You… you’re accepting the bond?” He asked.

She nodded. “I have no idea if it’ll be any good… Nuala and Cerridwin helped me. They’re magic in the kitchen. You should see them, it’s amazing.”

She was nervous and babbling. He had no idea why. All he had ever wanted in his entire life was standing right in front of him. 

He pulled her into a bone crushing hug, lifting her off of her feet and spinning her in circles as they both giggled. 

“Can I try it?” He asked, still holding her in his arms. 

“Of course.” She patted his chest in a silent request to put her down. 

He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to lose the warmth of her body pressed up against him, but after a few more seconds, he relented. Setting her back on her feet. 

She turned, and he admired her as she moved. When she turned back to him, she had a perfect little cake in her hands that was topped with perfectly cut strawberries. 

“I hope you like it. I wasn’t sure what you’d want, but my father used to make this all the time when I was little.” She tucked one of the loose strands of hair behind her ear. 

“You could have given me a lump of burnt bread, and I would think it was the second most delicious thing in the world.” He smirked at her, taking the small plate out of her hand. 

“Second?” She asked, outraged. “What’s the first?”

He set the plate to the side, pulling her into his chest. She tipped her head back laughing, and he kissed her neck. 

“The first will always be you, my love.” He kissed her once, twice, three more times before he stepped away and rounded the island to take a seat. 

She watched him intently as he pulled the cake closer to himself, picking up the fork, and taking the first bite.

His eyes closed as he savored it, and she clasped her hands in front of her as she grinned.

“Absolutely delicious.” Azriel muttered, opening his eyes to look at her again.

The warmth that spread down the bond made his head spin. It was official. She was his for the rest of their near-immortal lives. She was his, and he, without a shadow of a doubt, was completely and irrevocably hers.

*****

Taglist: @brekkershadowsinger @mis-lil-red @judig92

#azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #azriel #acotar fanfic #acotar #acowar #acomaf #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel spymaster

[lavenderdreams22]

Ya girl has COVID. My plan this week was to get a new chapter of A Court of Dawn & Dusk out, and then start working on requests, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me at the moment. I’m pushing the post date to the weekend, hopefully that’s do-able.

Big thank you to everyone who has read, commented, liked or reblogged-it means the world to me ❤️

#acotar #a court of dawn and dusk #azriel spymaster #azriel x you #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #acomaf #acowar

[lavenderdreams22]

A Court of Dawn & Dusk - Azriel x Reader (part 7)

Summary: The mission that Y/N and Azriel are on doesn't go as planned. Y/N is reunited with a family member. They admit their feelings for each other after a heart stopping realization.

A/N: here’s part 7! Let me know if you want to be added to my tag list moving forward. I think we’re nearing the end of this series. I hope you guys love it ❤️

Warnings: blood, canon-typical violence, mentions of death/near death, angst.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

*****

“I’m not finding anything here.” I said, scanning over the notes from my father's meeting with Amarantha. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that it was, in fact, just a harmless meeting about trade.” 

“But we do know better.” 

I shot Azriel an exasperated look, but my breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. 

He was leaning against the doorway, his wings tucked in close to his body. He had traded the gold tunic for his usual leathers. His tan skin looked almost as if it were glowing as the midday sun formed a halo around him. 

He smirked at me, letting his own eyes trail over me in my own set of leathers. 

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I turned back to the notebook in my hands. “Get in here and make yourself useful instead of standing over there staring at me like that.” 

My father chuckled from behind his desk as Azriel strolled over to me, plucking the book from my hands and bumping my shoulder with his own. 

“If there’s nothing there, we may just need to go now, see what we can find.” Azriel shrugged. “Who we can find.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for nightfall?” I asked.

“We could.” Azriel nodded, flipping through the pages before snapping the notebook shut. “But I don’t know that it would matter.”

“What about the element of surprise?” My father asked, reaching out for the book. Azriel handed it to him with a small smile.

“No one ever sees me coming.” He replied, all male arrogance and cockiness.

I rolled my eyes. “Well we can’t both be one with the shadows, Spy Master.”

He shot me a grin then, and I felt the blush creep up my chest and onto my chest.

“I swear to keep you safe as long as I am still living.” He threw an arm around my shoulder. “There’s room in the shadows for two.”

I shook my head. “Fine. Let’s get ready to move out.”

The bad feeling in my gut lingered, but I forced it aside. If I was with Azriel, what could go wrong?

*****

Everything had gone wrong.

“Leave me here.” Azriel choked, his wings and body shredded and bloody from the arrows that had been fired at us only moments before.

A glance told me they were ash. I cursed under my breath as he struggled to catch his.

I wasn’t sure the exact moment that this had all gone to shit, but one second we had been in the air, searching for any shred of proof that the Hybern soldiers or Amarantha had been through here, and the next we were being shot out of the sky. With ash arrows, no less. 

“No.” I gritted as I pulled one of the arrows out of my own shoulder. The blood gushed into the sleeve of my shirt but I did my best to ignore the searing pain. 

“Y/N, please.” He looked up at me, his eyes desperate. “Go.” 

“I am not leaving you.” I tried lifting him, scanning the surrounding forest for a safe place to go. 

About 500 feet to the right of us was a cave. If we could only get to it…

“Stop.” He growled. “I can’t protect you like this. Go get help.”

“Either get up and help me yourself, or we’re both going to die.” I gritted out, still trying to lift him. “I am not leaving you behind.” 

For a moment, he didn’t move, and I started to worry that I would have to drag him behind me. But, after a few more heartbeats, he was struggling to his feet. Another breath, and he had thrown a shield over his wounds to stop the bleeding. I pulled his arm over my shoulder and forced him to lean most of his body weight onto me.

I struggled only for a moment before we were moving, quickly, toward the mouth of the cave. He grunted beside me every time I jostled him too much, but he was awake and moving. I praised the Mother for the shields. 

“Just a little further.” I muttered, mostly to myself, but Azriel nodded anyway. 

“They’re going to close in on us soon.” He groaned. “You have to get me into the cave and then leave to get help.” 

I nodded, but did not speak a word. He wasn't strong enough to winnow. There was no way I could take him with me if I were to leave. And there was no way I was leaving him to his own devices in this state. Either we lived together or we died together. 

He glanced up at me again, seeming to read the unspoken words in the set of my jaw. We reached the mouth of the cave before he could protest my decision. 

“Keep your shields up.” I said as I gently set him down on the dirt of the floor of the cave. 

He closed his eyes to collect himself, and I reached over him to pull the swords from the sheath attached to his leathers. 

When he opened his eyes again, something had changed in his gaze. The way he was looking at me was angrier than I had ever seen him. His last effort to get me to save myself. 

“You can’t take them all on by yourself.” He growled. 

“I have to.” I placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into the touch, his gaze melting into adoration. “Please, Azriel. Just stay down.” 

He choked out a sob as he attempted to push himself up. 

“Stay where you are.” I whispered, pushing him back down gently. “I’ll be okay.”

I was lying and we both knew it. 

I stood and put a bit of distance between Azriel and I. 

I sent a prayer to the Mother. If I die, please protect him and help him get home. 

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I pushed my fear aside as a dozen of Hybern’s soldiers closed in around the mouth of the cave. Casting one last glance over my shoulder to Azriel, I raised the blade. 

He had collapsed, his breathing shallow, but his eyes were on me: awake and alert. He couldn’t stop the terror that filled his eyes as he realized what I was about to do.

“I love you, Azriel.” I said, forcing back the tears.

He opened his mouth to reply, his eyes going wide. My own chest ached as I took what was most likely my last look at him, but I turned back to the soldiers still marching for me. Without another thought, I unleashed myself on them.

*****

Dropping the blade onto the blood soaked dirt, I heaved the contents of my stomach onto the grass outside of the cave. I had made sure that no one else was coming for us, but now that the coast was clear, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. These were the first lives that I had ever taken. 

One of them had wounded me, the deep gash across my abdomen still bleeding profusely. I needed to get to Rhys. Needed to let him know where Azriel was before my wound inevitably killed me. 

Winnowing to the lawn of the townhouse, I clutched my stomach. I didn’t have time to dwell on the distance I had been able to winnow. Before I could so much as move, Rhysand was there, the door to the townhouse thrown open so quickly it had come off the hinges. 

“Where is he?” He asked as he looked me over, searching for injuries. 

I was sure that I looked as bad as I felt, but I forced myself to stand up straighter. 

I let him inside of my mind, and showed him what had happened. The soldiers, the ash arrows… Azriel.

“I couldn't… He wasn’t strong enough to winnow.”

Rhys nodded, disappearing into his own puff of smoke. A moment later, he was back with an older lady on his arm. He reached out a hand to me, and I took it, cringing at the blood on my hands.

*****

Rhysand paced at the cave mouth, the bodies of the soldiers I had killed still strewn about. Madja, as I had learned her name was, worked tirelessly to heal Azriel. 

I stood close to one of the walls, focusing on keeping myself upright.

“You killed all of them on your own?” 

I nodded.

“Any injuries?” He asked, his eyes landing on my abdomen as if he already knew the answer. And I was sure he did after his peek into my mind. 

“Nothing that can’t wait.” But even as the words left my mouth, the world began to turn black, my vision tunneling. I swayed a bit, and Rhys reached out a hand to steady me. 

“Show me.”

“No, I’m fine. Azriel is the first priority right now.” 

“He will kill me with his bare hands if he wakes and finds out no one saw to you.” And I would let him. He replied, the last bit in my mind, as he held his hand out to me. 

I shot him a look, and he raised his eyebrows. 

You know it’s true.

He was right, of course. Azriel would absolutely tear everyone apart if he woke up and I was still covered in fresh blood, and he would burn the world to ashes if he woke up and I was dead. 

I sighed, lifting my shirt so that he could see the wound. The black fabric, and the scent of the male's blood and my panic had done a great job of hiding the smell of my own blood. 

The slice along my abdomen was still bleeding profusely. The Hybern soldier had nearly sliced me in half by the look of it. I pulled the blood soaked shirt down before pulling at the neckline, showing him where the arrow had struck my shoulder. 

My vision began to blur again and I got the feeling that I was falling before Rhysand let out a curse and pulled me to his side.

“I’m fine.” I said again, trying to push away from him, my voice cracking.

“Are you?” He snapped, his usually calm demeanor slipping as he pulled me closer to him. 

“I can’t…”

“Can’t what?”

“I need to go home.” I shuddered, trying my best to contain the tears that now lined my eyes. “He got hurt because of me. He is like this because of me. I couldn’t help him. None of this would’ve happened had I just stayed in the Dawn Court. He would be fine-” 

“You’re wrong.” He cut me off. 

“What?”

“You’re wrong. He wouldn’t have been fine.” Rhys glanced around at the dead bodies surrounding us. “And I would say that you did more than you think to help him.”

“Yes, he would have been fine. He wouldn’t have felt like he needed to protect me. He would have been more focused on the task at hand. If he had never met me, none of this would have happened.”

“No. Something had always been missing from his life. He told me so himself… When you came around, it was like that void had been filled.” Rhys shook his head. “When you two weren’t talking, I have never seen him so… lost.” 

I looked back at Azriel, then. His face had settled as the pain that had been coating every feature finally started to ebb away as Madja worked. 

“Let me help you.” Rhysand pushed.

I could only nod as the darkness that had been flashing in my vision finally took over and all consciousness slipped away. 

*****

The sound of familiar voices filled my head, seemed to echo all around me. Rhysand and my father, both of them panicking as one barked orders and the other followed them. The sound felt distant and foreign as I made my way towards the blinding light in front of me.

My mother stood there, exactly as I remembered her, her hands extended to me, beckoning me forward.

When I reached her, she pulled me into a hug, smoothing my hair down.

“Y/N… My darling. You’ve grown up into such a wonderful person.” She said, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. 

I grinned, nuzzling closer to her. She still smelled like jasmine and fresh linen, and I took a moment to breathe her in. 

“It’s not your time yet.” She held me at arms length and looked into my eyes, her feathery wings ruffling as they flared behind her. “You must go back. They still need you.”

With a wave of her hand, she showed me my father as he leaned over my body. The blood had begun to pool around me, and tears were streaming down his cheeks as he worked to knit me back together. Rhysand knelt on the opposite side of me, his own face pale and full of grief as he watched my father work.

Then the picture was swirling, showing me Azriel. He was still out cold, still on the floor of the cave that Rhysand had left him in to try and save my life. Madja had gotten him put back together and was now working on his wings. His shallow breathing had deepened, and I let out a sob at the sight of him. 

“The male you love.” My mother grinned. “Quite the declaration.”

“I needed to tell him before…” I shook my head. 

“You seem to have inherited your father's preference for those with wings.” She winked at me, trying to diffuse the tension. “He is very handsome.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is. Your mate.” Her voice had taken on the same tone as when she used to read me bedtime stories. 

“He’s not my mate.” I said, but as the words passed my lips, my entire body seemed to shift backwards as if a thread on the other side was pulling at me. Yanking me back to him.

“You’ll find that even though you haven’t realized it, the bond is still there. He is already aware.” She offered me a soft smile. 

Another wave of her hand, and the image of Cassian, Amren and Mor sitting in the townhouse, waiting and hollow-eyed, for any news about the state of Azriel and I appeared. Rhys hadn’t taken the time to fill them in. Most likely out of fear that we wouldn’t survive.

I blinked as the images she showed me disappeared. 

“Go back to them, my darling.”

“What about you?”

“We will meet again.” She cupped my face in her hands, rubbing her thumbs across my cheeks. I felt like a child again as she wiped away my tears. “I am always with you. I love you more than all the stars.” 

“I love you, too, Mama.” I said, a sob escaping me. 

“Now, go.” She smiled. “My brave, beautiful girl.” 

And I did, turning on my heel to go back to the land of the living. One last glance over my shoulder, taking in the sight of the mother I had lost, I smiled. With a hand over her heart, she bid me goodbye and the world went dark once again. 

*****

I awoke in an unfamiliar bed, a blurry memory of a dream I had making my heart ache. The word “mate” rattled around in my head, and I shifted to sit up. Someone had brought me a glass of water at some point while I was out. Wincing at the pain, I peeled my tongue from the roof of my mouth and took a huge gulp of water, and then another. 

When the glass had been drained, I plopped back into the mattress, throwing my arm over my eyes to block out the light. 

I wasn’t sure how long I laid there like that when the sound of the door opening and clicking shut, followed by the rustling of wings, filled the room. 

“Are you awake?” Cassian asked, pulling the chair that was tucked under the desk in the corner over to the bed.

“Yes.” I groaned as I moved to sit up again.

Cassian was there in an instant, stacking pillows behind me and leaning me back onto them gently. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, sitting down. “Your father said there would be quite a bit of soreness. You were nearly sliced in half.” 

I shuddered at that, “I’ve been better. But I’ll be fine.”

We sat in silence for a moment as he eyed me. I could tell he was working through something in his mind.

“I know I’m a damn good trainer, but how in the hell did you manage to take down a dozen trained soldiers all by yourself?” He asked. 

I shook my head, pushing the memory of them out of my mind. I hadn’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that I had killed someone, let alone twelve people. “I didn’t have a choice. It was either I won or Azriel died.” 

Cassian only hummed before grabbing my hand, holding it tightly in his much larger ones.

“Thank you.” His voice was so soft, full of love and adoration. I felt the tears prick at my eyes just at the sound of it. “I know you didn’t do it for me, or for Rhys, or for anyone other than Azriel, but I’m grateful just the same.” 

The tears fell, and I swiped at them with my free hand. “I would do it all over again. If I had to, I would have died for him.” I whispered. 

“You almost did from the sound of it.” Cassian replied, squeezing my hand again. 

“Cassian…” I shook my head. “I couldn’t… I thought he was going to…”

“I know, Y/N.” He smiled at me. “It’s okay.” He smoothed down my hair before brushing his thumb over my cheek. 

I moved forward, ignoring the pain that lanced through me, and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. He chuckled before wrapping his arms around me just as tightly, avoiding my still tender wounds.

“Is he okay?” I managed to ask as I sobbed onto the sleeve of his leathers. 

“He’s fine. He woke up this morning.” He rubbed a soothing hand over my back. “Madja got to him just in time.”

I loosened a shaky breath, grateful that I hadn’t been too late. “And his wings?”

“Good as new. There will be a few scars, but he will be in the air again in no time.” 

“What about-”

“Y/N.” He cut me off, holding me at arms length so he could look into my eyes. “He’s asking for you.”

“He is?” 

Cassian nodded. “Are you okay to move?” 

“I’m fine.” I said, wincing as I tried to stand on my own. “Where is he?” 

He playfully rolled his eyes as he helped me to my feet. My muscles, after days of not being used, felt stiff and I tried not to curse at the feeling. 

“He’s a couple of doors down in his room.” 

“Where are we?”

“House of Wind.” He opened the door, helping me into the hallway. “This was a guest room, but it looks like they tried to convert it into a storage space. We wanted to keep you close to him in case one of you woke up and went searching.”

I laughed, looking over my shoulder at the piles of books and boxes full of paper that had been piled along the walls. 

“I didn’t mind. I was asleep.”

He snorted at that. “Sleeping is definitely one way to describe it.” He gestured down the hallway. “C’mon. Before he actually does try to come and find you himself.”

“He doesn't know which room I was in?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. 

“No, we didn’t tell him because he would have been in there already had he known.” 

I laughed and stopped in front of the door that he had gestured to. Pushing the door open, slowly in case he had fallen back to sleep, I felt my heartbeat speed up. 

Azriel’s room was exactly how I had imagined. The furniture was all carved out of beautiful dark oak, intricate swirls and carvings all over the headboard and posters at each corner of the bed. The linens were all blues and blacks and grays, as if he had taken the very essence of the Night Court and brought it into his bedroom. 

Though the room did look lived in, it was decorated sparsely with little to no clutter. The only thing that surprised me was the number of pillows he had piled on his bed. They almost swallowed him whole as he sat against them, a bowl of broth on a breakfast tray sitting across his lap. From the glower on his face, it seemed they had been forced on him. 

As we entered, he looked up from his brooding and his eyes softened as they took in the sight of me still in one piece.

His shadows reached for me, curling around my shoulder, where he had seen me get shot, and around my abdomen, where he had, without question, been told that I had been injured. 

Cassian cleared his throat after a moment of the two of us just gazing at each other. 

“I’m gonna go check on things at the townhouse.” 

Neither of us replied as Cassian shut the door, and we were both silent until we heard the sound of his wings beating in the distance. 

“How are you?” I asked, taking a tentative step forward.

“Better.” He said, a small smile on his lips.

“Are you still in pain? Can I get you anything?”

“No, but you could sit with me.” He patted the space on the mattress next to him.

I crossed the remainder of the room, taking a seat on the edge of the bed by his feet. 

The shadows whispering touches continued to search me, making sure that I was okay, that I had been looked after while he had been otherwise preoccupied. 

“You’re healed.” He whispered. “Good.”

“Rhysand took me to my father.” I replied, watching the shadows wind their way around me. 

He reached out, as if to take my hand, knocking the table a bit as he went. 

I stood, hissing a bit at the pain from moving so suddenly, and grabbed the tray to move it to the desk across the room. The shadows that weren’t wrapped around me seemed to trail after me as I went. 

When I took my place beside him again, he loosened a breath. “You’re still in pain?” He asked.

“Only a little.” I lied. 

He pursed his lips, but didn’t press the matter. 

“When Rhysand told me what had happened, I thought…” He whispered, taking my hand.

“I’m right here, Az.” 

“I couldn’t protect you.” He squeezed his eyes shut, as if he were trying to push the memory away. 

“You were the one that needed protecting.” I scooted closer, my hip bumping his. 

“Rhysand told me… He showed me what you said. About staying in the Dawn Court.” He was whispering again, silver lining his eyes as he opened them and stared at me.

“Oh.”

“You know you’re wrong, right?” He whispered. “I wouldn’t have been better off without you.” 

“I know, Az. I was just scared.” 

“You are the brightest light in my life and the only thing that keeps me going most days.” He pulled my hands to his chest. 

It was my turn for my eyes to line with tears. 

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you before, and I wish I had because if you hadn’t made it… if I hadn’t made it and you never knew how I felt… I never would have forgiven myself.” He continued. I scooted closer still, ignoring the shooting pain. 

“Az, you don’t have to beat yourself up.” 

“Let me finish, or I’m not sure that I’ll be able to get everything out.” He said, squeezing my hand. 

I only nodded, indicating that I was listening. 

“I have loved you longer than I think I have realized. The reason I was so petrified when I realized that you planned to fight, that you weren’t going for help like I had asked… It was because I love you, too. I love you, Y/N.” He took a deep breath. “And I realized in that moment, when you were looking at me over your shoulder… you looked so determined, so fierce.” 

I kept my mouth clamped shut, letting him work through whatever it was in his mind. My heart was pounding in my chest, so hard that I knew he could hear it just as I could hear his. 

“I realized in that moment what you were to me.” His eyes looked so unsure as he squeezed my hand. “You’re my mate.” 

The entire world seemed to stop spinning as the word continued to rattle around in my brain. All thought seemed to escape me as I just stared at him. 

“Mate?” I managed to choke out. 

He nodded. “I felt the bond snap into place on the floor of the cave.”

Mate. He was my mate. 

The memory of the dream I’d had resurfaced, my mother calling him as such. Had that been a dream at all? Or had I really been so close to death's door that I really saw her, and she really told me that this wonderful, beautiful male in front of me was my destined partner. 

“I don’t know how to say this.” He said, his voice thick with unshed tears. “But I think part of me knew what you were to me the moment you walked into my life.” 

“We’re mates?” I asked, my voice sounding far away. 

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but it isn’t something I wanted to keep from you.” 

“No, of course.” I reached for him, cupping his face in my free hand. 

He let out a shuttering chuckle at the wonder in my eyes. 

He tugged on the bond, and a grin spread across my face. 

“Even though I didn’t feel the bond snap into place, I think I knew, too.” 

“Really?” He asked. “I was worried that you wouldn’t want to accept the bond.” 

“What would ever make you feel like I wouldn’t accept the bond?” I asked, my brow furrowing as his gaze fell to his lap. 

He didn’t speak for a moment, and I tipped his chin up so that he met my eyes.

“I was worried you wouldn’t want to accept the bond because of who I am.” Azriel shook his head.

I mimicked him, shaking my own head. “I plan to accept the bond, Az.”

He squeezed my hand.

“How would I go about doing so? I know you have a different set of traditions than I do.”

“Our tradition is that the female makes and serves the male food of some kind.” Azriel’s face split into a grin, his eyes still watery. “But that can wait. For now, just lay with me.”

*****

Taglist: @brekkershadowsinger @mis-lil-red @judig92

#azriel #azriel x you #azriel acotar #azriel spymaster #azriel angst #azriel x reader #azriel x y/n #azriel shadowsinger #acotar #acomaf #acowar

[lavenderdreams22]

Something to Someone - Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: After your breakup, Rafe realizes what you meant to him and that he actually really misses being something, or someone, to someone like you. Based very loosely off of the song ‘Something to Someone’ by Dermot Kennedy.

I’m bad at summaries, but I hope you enjoy ❤️

Warning: angst, cursing, substance abuse, a bit of misogyny (specifically from Topper and Kelce). Quickly edited.

******

This party sucked.

Rafe sat on the balcony over looking the backyard with a glower on his face. He had never once hated celebrating in his life. But tonight? He wished everyone would get the fuck out of his house and off of his property so he could sulk in peace.

Topper leaned over the table beside him, using his rolled up hundred dollar bill to do a line. Rafe almost rolled his eyes at the act. It was so normal, so mundane. Everything had lost its excitement, lost its luster now that his whole world had crumbled around him.

“What’s got your panties in a wad?” Topper asked, shaking his head as the drug did its thing.

“You’re really upset about Y/N Y/L/N?” Kelce asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why?”

“I bet it was the sex.” Topper nodded to himself, rubbing at his nose. “C’mon man. She couldn’t have been that good. Go find another piece of ass.”

Rafe sneered at his friends, clenching his fists to keep himself from reaching out and beating the shit out of both of them.

There was no point in arguing about his feelings to his friends. They’d probably ridicule him for feeling this way in the first place if he tried.

She wasn’t just “a piece of ass”. She was everything. She brightened every room she walked into, made everything feel okay even when it wasn’t. She helped him make sense of the thoughts that were always so jumbled in his mind, and she always made him feel at peace. There was no forgetting about someone like that. There was no downplaying what she was to him.

He only wished that he was still something to her.

He had screamed at her. Told her to leave, that he never wanted to see her again. She usually argued back, helped him to see reason. But this time, she just nodded her head, her face flush with anger, turned her back on him, and left.

He had tried to call and text her about a dozen times each, but eventually she had blocked his number. He still had the hole he had punched in the wall to show for it.

She was well and truly done with him, and he had no one but himself to blame.

He looked back out over the crowd, letting his anger and sadness take deeper root in his chest, nearly choking him at the realization that this was the first party in a long time that she hadn’t attended.

Even before they were dating, she had still shown up. Always with a bright smile on her face that made him feel like he was floating.

God, he was such a fucking idiot.

“Wait, Kelce…” Topper asked, reaching out and swatting at Kelce’s chest. “Isn’t that her?”

Rafe followed Toppers outstretched finger, his eyes landing on her.

“Is that Josh Thompson?” Topper asked with a chuckle. “See, Rafe? She moved on already, maybe you should, too.”

She was here, looking beautiful in her yellow sundress, her hair falling loosely around her shoulders. She pushed her sunglasses onto the top of her head as Josh pulled her through the crowd towards the house.

Rafe was on his feet before he had a moment to process what he was doing. With one last glance at her, he made his way to the kitchen.

*****

You weren’t sure what to expect when you had agreed to go to a party that your very recent ex boyfriend was hosting with another man, but Rafe clapping him on the shoulder like an old friend wasn’t it.

“Y/N, how are you?” Rafe asked, all smiles and unfamiliarity.

“I’m fine.” You did your best to offer him a smile, but it barely reached your eyes.

The very same eyes that you had spent days drying as you sobbed into your pillow.

“Just fine?” Rafe chuckled, gesturing around him to the party. “You should be doing amazing. I know I am.”

You shook your head, tugging on Josh’s sleeve.

“Let’s get a drink and go back outside. I wanna dance.” You said, a small pout on your lips.

Josh had always been handsome, but if it hadn’t been for your best friend forcing you to get up and go to the party with him, you never would have looked at him twice. Because at the end of the day, he wasn’t Rafe.

He eyed you for a moment, his eyes falling to your lips for a moment. “Sounds good, beautiful.” He offered you a small smile before turning to Rafe. “We’ll see you later.”

You didn’t miss the way Rafe’s jaw clenched as Josh wrapped his arm around your shoulder, or the way his smile faltered as you leaned into another man’s touch. You definitely didn’t miss the way his fists clenched at the pet name you had been awarded.

You knew Rafe well enough to know this was the only way he knew how to protect himself from his feelings. But you were done playing stupid games with him.

“See you around, Cameron.” You said, meeting his eyes.

The pain that flashed in his eyes for a moment nearly had you turning back and pulling him into your arms. But you clung tighter to Josh, and made your way to the bottles of liquor on the counter in the kitchen.

*****

She hadn’t even said his name. She acted like he hadn’t meant anything to her at all.

He plopped back down on the couch next to Topper, the balcony suddenly feeling closed in as he watched her laugh as Josh leaned in to whisper something into her ear.

“Went well, I’m guessing?” Kelce asked, eyeing his friend closely, waiting for him to lash out at the first thing that looked at him funny.

“Shut up.” Was Rafe’s only response. The only words he could form.

The hollowness scared him a little. Where rage had usually resided when he felt that he had been slighted or overlooked, a numbness now sat.

There was no denying it now. He had lost her. Had lost his only source of light and unconditional love. There was absolutely no coming back from this. He let his head fall into his hands as he breathed, trying to force some semblance of control back into himself.

*****

“What’re you doing all the way out here?” You asked, plopping down into the sand next to Rafe.

The sounds of the party continued on behind you.

“Party’s lame.” He eyed you out of the corner of his eye. “Where’s your date?”

“He’s lame.” You joked, pulling your knees to your chest.

Rafe only hummed, his eyes returning to stare out over the water.

You watched him for a moment, letting the fact that he was no longer yours settle in.

You had loved him more than anyone in the entire world. You still did. And you had expected this to last, for you to one day be his wife and have his children. But you were forced to swallow the truth that forever was a falsehood that you had convinced yourself of when you were wrapped in his arms, the sun streaming in through his curtains.

“This sucks.” He said, his voice sounding small.

It was your turn to offer a small hum in agreement.

“I mean, we were good together.” He said, turning to meet your eyes.

“When we weren’t fighting, sure.” You rested your head on your knees. “When we were good, we were amazing, Rafe. But when we were bad?” Pausing to loosen a breath, you shook your head. “When we were bad, we were awful.”

“It’s really over then?” He asked.

“It should be.” You replied, taking a deep breath.

As the words passed your lips, you realized that you were going to miss being something to him, and you wanted to smack yourself for not cherishing the moments you’d had with him when you still had the chance.

“I need to go. Josh is probably looking for me.” You said as you pushed to your feet. “See you around, Rafe.”

“Yeah.” He breathed, watching you go. “See you.”

#rafe x you #outerbanks rafe #rafe angst #rafe fanfiction #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #obx fanfiction #obx rafe cameron #rafe x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n