laufeybowie

[laufeybowie]

“There's such a sad love, deep in your eyes. A kind of pale jewel…”

I have roamed this house for the past few years, maybe months or perhaps, days? Time seems to work differently here; it slows down and speeds up at random patterns. I never could tell; all I know is that it deteriorates every day. The house shakes and rumbles occasionally, as the walls peel off, the floorboards give out, the chairs and tables end up missing legs as time passes by. Outside was just a dark void, just pure darkness. Either way, there was no leaving this house. I've tried and tried but, I can't seem to open any of the doors nor windows and there were no keys or clues as to how to get out.

It's locked from the inside.

“Open and closed within your eyes, I'll place the sky within your eyes…”

I never understood why this song kept playing in this dead house. Though I never did find the origin of the song, it felt oddly familiar; it was a comforting presence in an endless labyrinth of time. Even if highly I doubt it, it felt like someone was reaching out.

No one would want to save me, all that I was and did, was a mistake.

“There's such a fooled heart, beatin' so fast. In search of new dream, a love that will last within your heart. I'll place the moon within your heart.”

Huh, that wasn’t here before. A cloaked mirror appeared at the end of the hallway, I nervously approached it. A strange feeling filled my chest as I notice a note attached to the cloaked mirror. I took the peculiar note and read it:

"I'm still here. I'm coming to you, my dear. Even as the world falls down."

The ground rumbled beneath my feet. Confusion flooded my mind, was this a joke? Who's coming? Who would want to help me? No one wanted to deal with me. No one wanted to be around a negative person they wouldn't want their lives to be affected by such a horrible person. People made sure I knew that they did not want me near them, near their social circles and, so I made my fortress. Even my safe space, this house, is crumbling before my very eyes.

Yet, something within me says that I'll make it through.

“I'll paint you mornings of gold, I'll spin you Valentine evenings though we're strangers 'til now. We're choosing the path between the stars, I'll leave my love between the stars...”

The house shook furiously as a section of it fell apart. I stood my ground and waited for it to stop and when, it did finally stop. A faint tapping sound could be heard behind the cloaked mirror. It piqued my curiosity, who or what could even get in here? I approached the mirror cautiously, my chest swelling with so many sensations, who knows what could this be? A monster? A demon? Perhaps, someone who could help? Maybe it's finally a way out of here. I felt reassured, hopeful even. Excited, I pull the cloth from the mirror.

No.

Furious, tears welled up in my eyes.

It was just me and my reflection.

“As the pain sweeps through...”

All I felt was pure hatred, pure unadulterated hate for myself. I don't deserve anything good. I don't deserve anything at all; all I deserved was everything corrupt in this wretched universe. My fists were shaking; my head was spinning. I can't do this anymore. I breakdown into tears, heaving sobs escape my dry throat. I want to get away from here.

I just want to go home, please.

“Makes no sense for you…”

Through my racked sobs, I felt a hand caress my shoulder. The music seemed louder as I looked up towards the mirror to see an awfully familiar woman. She offered her hand and helped me get up on my feet; was it really my reflection? Then it clicked as to who she was…

A mirror image. I was looking at myself, a hopeful vision.

“Every thrill is gone…”

I raised my right arm to see if she would follow, the woman simply shook her head and laughed softly. The ground shook as another part of the house wasted away. This time it did not stop, the floor and walls fell into darkness. The furniture rattled and lights flashed as I was sent into panic. She tapped loudly on the mirror and opened her arms, a worried yet, welcoming gaze. I quickly ran into the mirror and into her open arms.

I felt safe.

“Wasn't too much fun at all…”

My emotions were filling up my chest; I was relieved. I finally feel comfort and warmth. She radiated sunshine and light. I don’t understand but, this felt right. This felt like home; I felt her sway me back and forth until I realized that the note and music came from her. She has always been within me, waiting for the right time, waiting for me.

“But I'll be there for you..”

In her arms, I watched my fortress crumble to rubble as pieces of the house fell into the deep darkness below yet, she was here, my Hope and for the first time in a long time.

I smiled.

“As the world falls down.”

-Inspired by As The World Falls Down written and sung by the late David Bowie-

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