karissimo-x

[karissimo-x]

sleepless nights...

Another night that I struggle to fall asleep. It's not the usual insomnia. This time, I can't stop thinking about you, about how I could of done better by you. I was selfish, I didn't think about how it would make you feel, I just needed out. I still care, I still want you to be happy, and I wish we could still be friends... We will never be friends again, because we became lovers... I wish we had never started a relationship, because then I would still have my best friend. I'm so sorry.

I genuinely hope that you are happy now, and that you have a better life than the one I gave you. I still love you, the way I did when we were friends. Maybe in time, you can forgive me.

[karissimo-x]

diabetes in summer...

summer isn't my favourite season. it has never been, it's actually my least favourite. for me it goes: autumn, winter, spring and then summer. I don't like heat, I prefer rainy days and don't even get me started on thunder storms (let's just say, Poltergeist scared me at a young age) the thing is, is that I could deal with summer better when I was younger. for the past 9 years, summer has been the bane of my existence. diabetes and heat don't mix well. it makes our sugars drop faster, due to our bodies burning energy faster and sweating profusely. so, for the billionth time, I'm laying in bed, unable to sleep even though I am so tired, because it's like an oven in here. and yes, I do have a fan, but I'm a super light sleeper, and the noise keeps me awake. pray for me O______o

#can't sleep #type 1 diabetes #summer sucks #is it autumn yet? #too hot to sleep #kill me now plz #ugh #goth in summer

[karissimo-x]

so... where have you been...?

well, not much has happened to me in the past however long it’s been.

life has been the same old grind, but there has been a few improvements in the past few months at least. my health, both mental and physical and mental has improved, significantly (apart from my weight, but let’s just not talk about that, k?) my diabetes is under much better control, and i’m not as much of a nervous wreck anymore... but i’m still unable to get back into working.

when i’m with family and my very close friends, i don’t feel as nervous, but the moment i’m on my own, i freeze up and get so scared. i’m looking into maybe doing night classes at college, photography or something.

i just wanna be me again.

well folks, that’s all i’ve got just now, expect a lengthy post in a few days.

ciao, kiddos.

#life update #not that anyone asked #or cares #type one diabetic #depression #social anxiety #am i a blogger yet?

[karissimo-x]

the wanderer returns...

why hello there, it’s been a while.

I didn’t mean to take such a long break from tumblr, but I’m back now. expect a life update in the next hour or so... <3

#hello #back from hiatus #it was an unofficial hiatus #i'm back bitches

[karissimo-x]

Oh, oh my god. I just fangirled and squee'd so hard right now. Holy shit. #fangirling #rolemodel #beautifullady #highpitchedsquealing #steampunk #fangirlingsohard #omg #squee @katopunk 😍😍

#omg #rolemodel #fangirlingsohard #steampunk #beautifullady #fangirling #squee #highpitchedsquealing

[karissimo-x]

Can't sleep again tonight, so here's a selfie. Thinking of going blonde... #selfietime #nosleepgang #shouldigoblonde #whatcolourismyhaireven #blah #meh

#nosleepgang #meh #blah #whatcolourismyhaireven #selfietime #shouldigoblonde

[karissimo-x]

time flies...

It's been a while. We haven't spoken in a few months. We haven't been in each other's company for longer than that. I kinda miss you. Just having a laugh with you. You were a good friend. We had some good times. We've both moved on, we're both happy now. I hope you know, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted you to be happy. I'm sorry, and I hope life treats you well.

[karissimo-x]

I'm a #barrelmeister #jägermeister #karissimo #hellyeah #delicious #nectarofthegods #stag #gimmethatjäger #100kfollowers #damngood #alchohol #feeltheburn

#gimmethatjäger #hellyeah #alchohol #karissimo #nectarofthegods #100kfollowers #stag #feeltheburn #delicious #jägermeister #barrelmeister #damngood

[karissimo-x]

#engaged #happilyeverafter #togetherforever #happykaris #happygirl #luckygirl #weproposed #soinlove

#weproposed #happygirl #happilyeverafter #engaged #luckygirl #happykaris #soinlove #togetherforever

[karissimo-x]

hello, sketchbook. it's been a while. #sketch #sketchbook #anatomicalheart #pencilonpaperdrawing #penonpaper #penoutline #wannabeartistic

#pencilonpaperdrawing #sketchbook #sketch #penoutline #penonpaper #anatomicalheart #wannabeartistic

[karissimo-x]

on those days that I get bored, and wanna kill time, I try out new makeup styles... I like it. #thejoker #harleyquinn #dccomics #extrememakeup #arkhamasylum #alittlecrazy #femjoker #fangirl #crookedsmile

#thejoker #arkhamasylum #harleyquinn #extrememakeup #dccomics #crookedsmile #alittlecrazy #femjoker #fangirl

[karissimo-x]

I've had a tough few days with my depression recently. I've been crying so much, and panicking about the most ridiculous things. I honestly thought I would drive Chris mad, and push him away. Quite the opposite. He's been taking care of me, even though he has problems of his own. He is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most loving, caring and understanding person a girl could have. I am utterly in love with this man. I adore him, completely. #howdidigetsolucky #mytruelove #heismyworld #raisondetre #heiseverythingtome @kinwardo #myking #mykirito #hisasuna

#myking #raisondetre #heismyworld #hisasuna #heiseverythingtome #mykirito #mytruelove #howdidigetsolucky

[karissimo-x]

Miqo is a big sook. #catmomma #miqo #miqote #cuddlykitty #purr #eveningroutine #cuddle #furrybaby #furball

#purr #furball #furrybaby #miqote #eveningroutine #cuddle #catmomma #cuddlykitty #miqo

[karissimo-x]

I can't wait until Saturday!! I get to meet @taylordavisviolin and see her perform her beautiful music!! #iwillfangirlsohard #beautifulmusic #violinist #superexcited 😻

#violinist #iwillfangirlsohard #beautifulmusic #superexcited

[karissimo-x]

I got caught in the claw trap #catsofinstagram #softkitty #viciouskitty #omnomnom #tabbycross #coveredinbites #scarredarms

#omnomnom #scarredarms #softkitty #catsofinstagram #coveredinbites #tabbycross #viciouskitty

[karissimo-x]

an emotional ache...

have you ever been so upset, so sad, that you can feel a physical ache in your chest? crying makes the ache worse for a while, but sometimes, nothing will help. you feel nothing, no emotions, apart from this growing ache, right where your heart is. it feels as though someone is gripping on to it, so very tightly, and that they will never let go. that ache, has been in my chest, for so long. sometimes, it isn't as sore, just a dull throbbing. then there are other times, when it hurts too much, and spreads up into your throat, and stops you speaking, from expressing your pain and from calling out for help. today, it hurts the most it has, in a long time.

[karissimo-x]

a new start, tinged with sadness

on 18th January 2016, Chris and I moved in together. we had been staying at his mum's, sharing his room for our whole relationship, but decided that we needed our own wee space to call home, with our little cat Miqo. so, we had applied for council housing in December 2015, and within two weeks, we had been selected for housing, and were able to view it in January. it's a lovely wee flat, and is perfect for us to start a family in, hopefully we will be trying next year. but, unfortunately, happiness is usually short lived. my grandpa fell ill a week later. he was in a stable but critical condition. he had septicaemia, which had spread to his kidneys, heart and lungs. there was no hope left, all the doctors could do was make his last few days comfortable. he passed away, in his sleep, on 30th January 2016. he means the world to me, and now, he's gone. treasure your loved ones, always show them that you care. you never know when will be the last time you see them.