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iwantto-go-home · 5 months

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Norman Osborn’s many different abuse tactics

I’ve watched quite a few Spiderman things in my lifetime, not as much as many, but a fair amount. Every single time I watch something with Norman Osborn in relation to Harry Osborn, I notice a pattern of abuse. It isn’t a consistent pattern, because Norman’s character and motivations shift and change as all comic characters do, but the pattern is still there. The pattern is that Norman Osborn, implicitly or explicitly, is abusive to his son.

Norman’s abuse presents in different ways depending on the story and his development, which means each version is a correct representation of the character, whether it’s our interpretation or not. I’m not here to explain why one version is more accurate than another, or here to call out his character arc in any particular instance as right or wrong. I’m simply here to talk about the aspects of Norman’s abusive behaviors that I have noticed and liked to see in the media I have seen him in.

It might sound odd that I love watching a character (Harry Osborn) go through similar trauma’s that I have gone through, but I do. There are probably many complicated reasons as to why I’m this way, but I have a feeling I don’t need to explain myself to any Harry Osborn fans that feel intrigued to read this, as they probably feel the same.

Full disclosure: the type of parental abuse I experienced was Narcissistic abuse, which means, there was a lot of *gaslighting*, manipulation, and verbal abuse (there will be a terminology glossary at the end). This means that I am drawn to the more narcissistic versions of Norman, as I understand that type of abuse, and it helps me relate to Harry on a deep level.

One last disclaimer: I may misremember a few details here and there when talking about these shows and movies, so please forgive me. I don’t have time to sift through every scene just to get everything exactly right. As long as I’ve got the basic gist, I think we’re good.

Raimiverse (spoilers ahead!)

The first depiction of Norman Osborn that I ever saw was in the Raimi trilogy. There are quite a few pieces of emotional *neglect* and verbal abuse that were sprinkled in to those movies. First of all, Norman blatantly favors Peter, Harry even acknowledges that in the first 40 minutes of the first film. When Peter meets Norman outside of the museum, he tells Harry how amazing his father is. Harry makes an offhand comment about Norman only appreciating geniuses.

During the thanksgiving scene, we see Norman angrily storm out. Harry quickly follows behind him. They have an argument about Mary Jane and Harry’s mother. While there isn’t much to pull from this scene’s dialogue, there is a lot to say from Harry’s non-verbal reactions. Harry sticks up for MJ as much as he feels he can, which, isn’t very much (which is sucky). The fact that Harry doesn’t feel comfortable to say anything more than “You’re wrong about her, dad” lets us see that they have probably been in worse altercations. Harry keeps his voice level and calm at all times. He tries to keep the conversation from escalating while still sticking up for himself and his girlfriend.

The Goblin’s first attack, shows us how little Norman really cared for Harry. He attacks the ledge that Harry and MJ resided on overlooking whatever event/parade was going on (I was never quite sure what was happening right then). He shows a disregard for Harry’s safety here. He throws deadly weapons right next to his son.

Later in the trilogy, in the third one to be exact, Emo-Pete/Venom-Peter has a fight with Harry. He tells Harry how much of a disappointment he was to Norman and how little Norman actually loved him. This rings true. While we didn’t get to see much of it due to (I’m assuming) the writers intentions to make Norman a sympathetic villain, the words would not have been uttered if there wasn’t a grain of truth to them. We don’t see Norman neglect Harry’s emotional needs, we don’t see Norman verbally berate him over his grades or his life choices, but we don’t need to see it. If you’ve experienced abuse, you will have already spotted it.

What I really enjoyed about the dynamic in these films, was that we saw Peter, a complete stranger to Norman before the museum, become Norman’s *golden child*. We see how Norman would have preferred Peter to be his son, and we see how much Peter looks up to him as a father figure. Because of Peter an Norman’s dynamic, Peter implicitly gaslights Harry. He sees nothing wrong with their relationship, because he’s blinded by his own want for a father figure. Peter only sees the version of Norman that Norman presents to him, and he accepts that presentation without question.

The Amazing Spiderman (spoilers ahead!)

In the Amazing Spiderman 2, we are introduced to Harry and Norman in the same scene. Norman is on his death bed when he informs Harry that his disease is hereditary. He seems to find glee in watching his son realize his impending doom.

There wasn’t much there in terms of Norman Osborn, so there isn’t much to talk about. Obviously, Norman never really cared to have Harry, as the moment he became difficult to care for (after Emily, Harry’s mother, died) he shipped Harry away to another country. The detachment to his son shows us just how emotionally neglectful Norman was.

Ultimate Spider-man (spoilers ahead!)

Ultimate Spiderman is my second favorite depiction of Norman Osborn to date, but it also frustrates me the most. The show focuses less on Norman’s abuse and more on the impact it’s had on Harry. This is fine, I love that! We’ll get to why it frustrates me later (if you’ve seen the show, you probably know where I’m going with this).

First of all, Norman places an immense amount of value on Harry’s grades, and he rewards good performance with his attention. This is a problem because Harry never lives up to Norman’s expectations. Now, I don’t believe that Norman was intended to be abusive in this show, but that’s exactly what he was. If Harry didn’t meet his expectations, Norman would pay him no mind. He wasn’t worth Norman’s attention or energy if he couldn’t provide Norman pride. Harry struggled with his grades, he had little interest in athletics, and he had no unique talent, therefor, he was worthless to Norman.

In a flashback to the time Harry and Peter became friends, we see the Raimiverse pattern reemerge. Harry and Norman give Peter a ride when his bike is broken down by the side of the road. Norman makes a comment on Harry’s grades in comparison to Peter’s. Harry passively complains to Norman that he wishes Norman would stop micromanaging his life. Peter, of course, sees only what he wants to see. Peter is blinded by his desire for a father figure. Peter steps in where he doesn’t belong, and he sides with Norman. He tells Harry that he thinks it’s great that he has a father who cares so much. He gaslights him. Peter’s words reinforce the ideas that Norman had established, the ideas that he is a good father trying his best, and Harry is just misunderstanding and being insensitive to Norman’s situation as a busy single father.

I love seeing that dynamic, the one where Norman favors Peter, and Peter accidentally gaslights Harry. It’s one of my favorite versions of these characters, because it’s so relevant to real-life situations.

When Harry is infected with Venom, we really see the extent of the damage Norman’s neglect has caused him. He lashes out and continuously tries to attack Norman. When Harry realizes that there’s something wrong, that he can’t control the symbiote, he goes to his father for help. Norman immediately shuts Harry down. He tells Harry that he doesn’t have time for his teenage drama. He brushes Harry off when he’s told that it’s not about Harry’s grades improving. This is when Harry lashes out and tries to kill Norman.

Obviously, Norman is Harry’s father, so, in this stage of Harry’s life, he still loves his father and simply wants the attention and care that every child deserves from their parent. Once Peter helps Harry “purge” Venom, Harry continues to try and chase Norman’s approval. Peter even states that Harry is always searching for Norman’s approval, but that he’ll never get it.

For the longest time, the only time we see Norman proud of Harry, is when Harry is Venom. When Harry is an uncontrollable weapon that Norman designed. When Harry is no longer Harry. Norman prefers his son as a dangerous killing machine to be used however Norman pleases, rather than the human he helped raise.

We see a lot of emotional neglect. Norman frequently neglects Harry’s emotional needs, however, he provides him with money for his other needs. This only makes children of abuse more confused. Clearly Norman cares for Harry if he’s keeping up with his basic needs, and even spending lavishly for his son to have entertainment, right? No. He’s not a present presence in Harry’s life, which leads to Harry being fairly isolated when MJ and Peter aren’t around.

One of my favorite lines in the show is “I just wanted to make you proud. But since that’ll never happen, I’ll just make you go away.” This is really where we see the full extent of Harry’s pain. This is where we see how much Norman has affected his life negatively.

A moment that ties into why I get so mad at this show is in the same exact episode as the line above. Harry had just rescued Peter from Carnage by taking the Venom symbiote out of his friend and he faced his father with the help of Spiderman. The battle was about to be over, Harry and Peter were about to be safe, when Norman takes Harry. He says that they have unfinished business. So, out of spite that Harry tried to kill him, Norman tries to take his revenge, by dropping Harry from a large building, Gwen Stacey style. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love this scene and I’m so glad they put it in here. But…now I can talk about why this show frustrates me.

In my opinion, from dealing with abuse and researching it for probably around 6 years of my life, they should have kept their relationship at that level, or escalated it. There should be no coming back from that. A disregard of someone’s life or a blatant murder attempt is not something you can work through. Ultimate Spiderman let me down the moment they started Norman’s redemption arc. Having an abuser in a kids tv show change for the better, in my opinion, can be very damaging. A common lie that children of abuse tell themselves is “If I loved my parent more, if I showed them how hurt their actions make me. Their love for me will win out and they will change. If I work hard enough, my parent will love me enough to not hurt me anymore.” By giving Norman a redemption arc, the show reinforces this very dangerous lie.

Marvel’s Spiderman (2017-2020) (spoilers ahead!)

This is my absolute favorite version of Norman Osborn. He is so accurate! The show focuses on Norman’s abuse, rather than Harry’s response. As apposed to the neglect Norman showed Harry in the other versions of his character, he micromanages Harry and manipulates his son’s life behind the scenes.

The show starts off slow, only showing us snippets with ominous camera angles and suspenseful music. We’re supposed to feel unease around Norman, but we don’t yet have the information to figure out why. He is framed above Harry and Peter, he towers over them, a looming threat. This is a way to show us that he holds the power in these scenes. Harry is meant to look small and weak against him.

As the show progresses, we quickly see more interactions with Harry and Norman. A perfect scene is one where Harry is preparing for his return to school party at Horizon High. His father calls him into his office to speak with him. Norman starts with manipulative questions designed to guilt Harry. He tells Harry that he never believed Harry to be at fault for the mishap that caused Harry’s suspension from Horizon high. This is incredibly nefarious when we learn later that Norman had orchestrated that suspension to get his son into the school he wanted to build, so that he could use his son’s suspension as a reason to build the school, and therefore, provide him with even more ammunition against Harry. Harry tells his father that he knows Norman believes in his innocence. We watch Harry’s body language change throughout this scene. The moment it becomes clear what type of conversation this is, Harry avoids Norman’s eye contact for as long as possible, until Norman crouches in front of him. Norman takes Harry’s bowtie off, and replaces it with his own. A gesture that could be taken as innocent and even sweet, but it could also be taken as an exertion of power and ownership. Norman tries to control Harry’s life so closely, that Harry’s bowtie isn’t even good enough.

Norman tries to convince Harry to stay at Oz academy, Harry explains that he wants to make a name for himself, independent of Norman’s legacy. Norman gets upset by this and grabs Harry’s shoulders in a threatening manner. We see that Harry is scared by this from the expression on his face and the way his body tenses. Norman warns Harry that he will never be able to escape the name Norman provides. Harry backs away from Norman to “check his tie in the mirror” but we all know he just doesn’t want to look directly at Norman, but he needs the safety that knowing where Norman is provides him. We watch Harry watch Norman through the mirror for the rest of the interaction. Harry’s body language throughout all of his interactions with Norman, prove that he has been dealing with abuse his entire life. We often see him go into a *trauma response* when interacting with Norman. He keeps himself fairly still, he avoids eye contact to prevent a challenge, and he keeps his voice steady and calm to avoid escalation.

Eventually, after spider island, right when you think they’re about to make the same mistake Ultimate Spiderman did and give Norman a redemption arc, Harry strays from the path Norman had envisioned for him, Harry is booted from being the golden child. While in Ultimate Spiderman, when Harry and Norman’s relationship is at it’s worst, Harry is the *invisible child*. In MSM, Harry becomes the *scapegoat*. Norman takes matters into his own hands when Harry no longer wishes to believe Norman’s manipulations.

Norman gaslights Harry into believing that he has been attacking Spiderman. He uses his son’s ill health to convince Harry that he’s going insane and trying to murder his best friend. He goes as far as to dress Harry in his Hobgoblin gear and place him on the floor to convince his unconscious son that he is doing what Norman wanted him to do.

Once Harry figures out that Norman is the person framing him, everything comes to a head. There’s a battle in which Harry chooses Peter over Norman. Norman angrily shouts to Harry “You’ve failed me, and deserve what you’ve wrought.” We can assume from the look on Norman’s face that he was willing to kill Harry if necessary. There is an explosion which Norman is caught in, and Harry and Peter get away.

I love this scene, and specifically that sentence within the context of the whole story. The season, and their relationship is ended on such a violent note, and yet…when they bring Norman back in season 3, Disney XD doesn’t shy away from this. They pick things up right where they left off. Norman is still just as angry and heartless as he was when he “died”.

I must say though, my favorite part of the entire show is that Harry not only got to live out a revenge fantasy by accidentally killing his father, but he also got to have a healthy ending, where he cut Norman out of his life and can try to move on and heal away from the influence of his abuser, and without the need for punishment as justice.

In the finale for these two, Peter introduces Harry as the one person Norman always underestimated. And I think Peter couldn’t have been more right.

To gaslight: To make an individual or group question their perceived reality. It is often used by abusers to make their victims feel insane and therefore their feelings unjustified. An individual can be gaslighted by one or more people. Societal gaslighting happens when others outside of the abusive system reinforce the false reality an abuser has established, further forcing the victim into that false reality.

Golden child: a golden child is the child of an abuser that “can do no wrong”. This is the child that the parent/parents proudly present to others and shower with attention and praise. It is important to recognize that the type of attention a golden child receives is not the fulfilling kind. A golden child receives attention for their outward accomplishments, the things that look good to others. They have high expectations placed upon them. In some family systems, the title of golden child can be given and taken away at a moment’s notice. It can bounce between children depending on who the most outwardly impressive child is at the moment. Or, a golden child can be a permanent golden child. The child that gets away with everything and can truly do no wrong.

Invisible child: The invisible child is the child that is often overlooked in abusive familial systems. The name is pretty self-explanatory. They are not as scrutinized as either the golden child or the scapegoat. They get away with more things than the scapegoat, but they don’t receive the amount of attention or praise that the golden child does, infact, they tend to receive none. The invisible child is the forgotten child.

Scapegoat: A scapegoat is a child that is blamed for everything. If something goes wrong, it is blamed on the scapegoat. The scapegoat is always in trouble and often picked on by the abuser to instigate a fight that will eventually be blamed on the scapegoat. The scapegoat is the punching bag of the family system and is often labelled as a problem child, no matter how docile or pleasant that child truly is.

Neglect: It is important to remember that neglect is not just physical. A parent can provide for the financial and basic needs of a child, much like Norman does, but still be emotionally absent from that child’s life. Emotional absence is considered neglect, and it is considered a form of abuse.

Trauma response: An automatic response the body/brain have to a situation that reminds the person of past trauma. A trauma response is different than PTSD. They can be mild behaviors that one does not notice, such as freezing and making oneself as small as possible (trying to go invisible if you will) because they’ve been taught that engaging makes the situation worse. It is any unconscious, learned response to a triggering situation.

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