intoamoleskine
into a moleskine
Irene. 31. UK.
THIS IS MY SAFE SPACE.
Major depression; Asperger's syndrome; C-PTSD; eating disorder.
It would be mostly a pointless effort trying to trap thoughts into sentences. I mean, what's the point in trying to write down such a chaos of intangible ideas? Often they are so unstable I just give up. Sometimes - though - it's worth putting them in a safe place.
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It's weird I can very distincly feel like my brain is crying, but my body is apathetic.
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Keep letting people down
Useless
Stupid
Worthless
Die
Why am i still here
Why didnt I die when I was supposed to
It's time to plan
It's time to stop
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I have strong walls. How can you walk through them like they don't exist?
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If I went back to the past and not run away. If I was still in ferrara, breathing in freedom, would you be next to me?
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Anne-Marie & James Arthur - Rewrite The Stars [from The Greatest Showman...
youtube
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Today is not that day, though. Today is the fucking day when I unblock you.
One day I will be far enough that I will manage to forget about you.
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One day I will be far enough that I will manage to forget about you.
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This morning, someone next to me on the train was wearing R's perfume from when we were in high school.
Tonight, someone in front of me on the train was wearing E's perfume from when we were together.
My heart is hurting. I can keep a straight face though.
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Self harm is like a destructive energy taking a hold of your brain and body. Like a storm you can only indulge in or try to fight, knowing its too strong to not fall into it.
It doesn't really matter how you release the energy, as long as something let you release it.
So stupid so stupid. So so stupid.
You don't even deserve to breathe.
Fucking die already.
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So stupid so stupid. So so stupid.
You don't even deserve to breathe.
Fucking die already.
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I am not sure how people can be fine eating. Digesting food is actually physically painful?
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Go on, eat as much as you want, if you think you deserve it.
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I want to go back to me and you solving exercices and driving the prof mad during maths.
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