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iamjungkooked · 1 year

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Breaking Free (Part 1)

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↳Pairing: Jungkook x female reader

↳Genre: Romance, Angst, (maybe some smut)

↳Word count: 14.6k

↳Warnings: swearing, mentions of alcoholism, dysfunctional family dynamics

↳Rating: 14+

↳AU: fake dating!

↳Summary: For y/n, rescue comes in the form of Jeon Jungkook, a man who finally gives her the courage and support she needs to break free--from everyone and everything she has ever known. Intirgued by the promise of the unknown , she plunges in head first. Little does she realize that being with him will make her question everything she has known about herself. As delectable as the prospect of freedom is, what will she do when everything changes?

A/N: Hello. I know I know. Its been like a year. But I hope you enjoy this!

Chapter 1

“Oh, my darling sweet daughter” my mother rushes down the stairs to wrap me in a hug. She’s lightning quick so I can’t dodge her. I look over at George, our butler who nods at me to go with it. She’s in her nightgown, her hair still just as fresh-looking as last night. She even smells incredible for someone who has “just woken up”.

I suffocate between her arms, barely able to breathe. I try to push her away but she’s much stronger than I am. “Mum, I can’t breathe” I manage to choke the words. She pulls away. I see that her eyes are a little glossy, yet she hasn’t shed a single tear. Sometimes I can’t understand if she doesn’t know how to express her emotions or that she doesn’t have any.

“Sorry” she says to me, in that sweet voice of hers. “Anyway, are you all packed up?”

“Yeah. Nancy helped me” I look over my mother’s shoulder at the middle-aged lady, who is actually crying. Nancy was my nanny when I was younger. But then my parents decided that they would need her services indefinitely. She raised me. My parents never had time for me.

We don’t even have any pictures together. There is only one picture of me with them, the day I was born.

So it is super safe to say that my parents and I don’t have the best relationship. I barely know who my father is. He’s never around. He only comes home to sleep. I do not know what he does the rest of the day. I suppose he’s busy making money. That is all he seems to care about. Last night when he came home, he did not even know I was going to college.

“Oh” was all he said in response. That was the end of our conversation.

My relationship with my mother isn’t any better. She’s a hard one to describe. Sometimes she does care about me, that is when she isn’t busy showing off to the ladies in her kitty party, or trying to one-up one of the other rich wives in her friend circle, or going on vacations to pass her time.

I say goodbye to both Nancy and George, giving them each hug-- longer than my mother. They are more my family than she has ever been.

I turn to my mother. “Okay mum. I will see you when I see you”

“What do you mean, dear?” she says. “You’re coming home for the holidays aren’t you?”

“I uh..” I have to pause because I don’t really know if I want to. “I am not sure if I will”

“Your father will not like it.” she says sternly.

A scoff crosses my lips. I hate how she has the audacity to tell me this. “He didn’t even know I was leaving for college” I remind her because she seems to have forgotten the nightmarish exchange between us last night.

“This is no way to talk to your mother!”

I take a few deep breaths before I respond. “Look mom, I am not promising anything. I will see if I can make it” It’s not like you will care if I miss thanksgiving or Christmas. You probably won’t even be here.

I grab my suitcases and head for the exit before my mother can get another word in. I place my bags in the car. Nancy and George follow. I hug them one last time and get into the car. I feel a small pang. I wasn’t expecting my mother to come, but somehow I thought at least on this occasion she would come to say a proper goodbye.

But she didn’t.

I wasn’t even sad. I was just numb.

Chapter 2

Living away from my parents turns out to be the exact thing I needed. No more toxicity, no more fighting. No more having to pretend and please my parents. I don’t even know why I tried so hard. I don’t want the college fund or the trust fund. I don’t want anything from my parents. But somehow I wound up trying my whole life to impress them, to get their attention.

I thought that if I acted the way they wanted me to they would give me a little bit of attention. I would have been happy had they attended my birthday-- just that one day out of the whole year I would have been content. But nothing I did seemed to work. I worked my ass off to get good grades. I got into an ivy league college as my father wanted. Never even had a sip of alcohol, or partied, or tried drugs.

I was the good girl. I did everything they wanted me to. I even befriended the people they wanted me to so that my father could gain favour with some of the political families. They decided what courses I would take, what extracurriculars I would enrol in for prep school. Every single decision of my life was taken by the people who never even spent a good minute of their time on me.

I have lived my whole life in that mansion. So living on my own it feels weird.

When I come back to the dorm but roommate isn’t there and she leaves a note on the door that we are almost out of food. She asks me to bring Instant noodles, sushi and strawberry milk.

“What a weird combination” I mutter under my breath. I turn right back around.

It’s a relief that there is a convenience store just a block down. It’s not much of a walk but I welcome it the moment I step out. The sky is cloudy overhead. A soft wind blows through the trees that surround the campus. The cemented pavement leading down the steps of the dormitory is wet, but I doubt it will rain. For a moment I wonder if I should run back to get the umbrella but when I turn around and see the flight of stairs I find the perfect excuse not to.

The hoodie I am wearing is cozy enough, but I still feel the chill against my skin. The campus is quiet at this time of night. With only thoughts to occupy me, I begin to wonder about Nancy and George. I haven’t spoken to them since I got here, which is six weeks too long. I pull my phone out.

Hi Nancy. I am sorry I haven’t checked in for so long. How are you and George doing?”

I pocket my phone after sending the text. But not a second later my phone is ringing.

“Hi Nancy” I smile into the phone.

“Oh y/n, it’s been so long” she sounds ecstatic. “Have you been eating and sleeping well?”

“I am. Don’t worry about that” I feel slightly guilty because I haven’t been. But I don’t want her to worry.

“Oh that’s good” she says. “Your parents are doing fine too”

“Oh yeah” I suddenly feel out of energy even just thinking about them. I don’t feel particularly guilt.

“Nancy!” I hear my mom’s voice in the background.

“Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you. I know my mom will get angry if she sees you on the phone with me. So take care of yourself please. I’ll call you later” I hang up hurriedly because I don’t want Nancy in any trouble.

Arriving at the convenience store, I see only one other person in the store. Without paying him mind I go to the aisle and grab noodles, and a 6 pack of strawberry milk. I head to the fridge and grab a few trays of to-go sushi and then proceed to the counter to pay. Offering the cashier a smile I hand him my card.

He runs it for me and hands me a receipt once he’s done ringing the items. I take the bag from him and turn on my heels. “Shit” I mutter. I don’t even get to the door when it starts pouring.

The rain is coming down so fast I can’t see the other side of the road. I doubt I would be able to make it safely. I decide the best course of action is to just sit at the seats by the window inside the store.

The sound of the rain against the window calms me down. I feel drops of water on my hoodie and turn to find a random guy violently wiping himself off.

“Do you mind?” I say.

He looks at me expressionlessly. “Sorry” he says and then proceeds further into the store.

I pat my hoodie dry. It wasn’t much water but still, he should have been watching it. I ignore the small spark of frustration in my chest and face ahead, watching the rain fall down. My phone buzzes again. I turn it over and find Yoona, my roommate’s message.

From [Yoona]:

Did you go to the store? It’s raining and both our umbrella’s are in the stand. I can come to get you if that’s where you went.

To [Yoona]:

Yeah I am. Don’t worry. It’s raining heavily. I don’t think it's safe for either of us. I’ll just wait it out.

From [Yoona]:

You’re sure?

To [Yoona]:

Yes. I am sure. Don’t worry I’ll bring your food to you safely.

From [Yoona]:

🤪 Thank you. But please be safe.

To[Yoona]:

I will :)))

I put my phone away again.

“I am sorry about earlier”

I turn around to find the guy from before, holding out a coffee cup towards me.

“Sorry?” I don’t really understand what is happening.

“I sprayed you with water. I am sorry about that” he nods to the cup in his hand.

“Oh uh-- thanks” I take it from him and hesitantly place it on the table in front of me.

“You from around here?” he asks as he sits next to me.

“Yeah. I go to the university” I look at him.

He nods, sipping his coffee.

I notice the tattoo on his arm and an extension of a tattoo on the side of his neck. He’s wearing multiple rings on his fingers, he’s got a dangly earring in one ear. He’s wearing a white graphic tee, tucked into his black ripped jeans, and to finish it off he’s wearing black combat boots.

Devilish

“What about you?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not exactly the studying type”

“Kinda figured” I reply drawing the hot coffee cup towards myself.

He quirks a brow. He turns his torso towards me as if he’s interested. “Oh yeah? What kind of a guy am I? Indulge me” a lopsided smirk that has me almost fleeing makes an appearance. This was the only thing missing from his “bad boy” repertoire.

“I don’t know. You’ve got the whole grunge look going. Art major maybe?” I shrug.

He looks at me for a few seconds like he’s trying to decide something. I can’t tell what he’s thinking but with dangerous looks like that, it can’t be anything good.

“What are you thinking?” I feel a little daring. Under different circumstances, I would be running the other way. But there is something about freedom from my parents' influence that is making me feel in control.

“I am thinking what’s a goody-two-shoes like you doing here?” he narrows his eyes at me.

I laugh. “At a convenience store?”

“Isn’t it a little late for you? I bet you have a curfew”

I can’t help but snort. “Excuse me, but you don’t know me”

He narrows his eyes at me after giving me a once-over. “Oh honey, I know your type”

I start to laugh. “This is…” I lick my lips as I take a good look at him. “Okay fine. What type of a girl am I? Indulge me”. Somehow I am liking the challenge he’s throwing me. I want to know what he thinks because it’s clear he’s got something on his mind.

I have no idea where this courage to flirt is coming from. But Yoona was right when she said flirting is fun. I can’t remember a single time in my life where I have flirted with a man. In fact, I wasn’t even allowed to have guy friends in school. But somehow this is exhilarating. Interest and attention can do wonders for a human, especially one like me who has been starved for affection and attention their whole life.

Men are no good. I married one. Trust me I know.

That’s what my mother used to tell me.

Looking at the man in front of me, I don’t think she was entirely wrong. I can see it so clearly in my head. So many broken hearts, so many tears wasted.

What a waste of mascara, as Yoona would say.

So many girls out there, wondering where they went wrong. When all they had to do was avoid him. But then again a handsome face like his is hard to ignore. He knows how to make girls feel special as if they are “the only one”.

He begins to smile. “I am Jungkook” he says.

“I am Nancy” I reply. There is no way I am telling him my actual name. “So tell me what kind of a girl am I?”

“Mmm” he pulls his lips between his teeth as he regards me. “A pretty one”

I stare at him. I am at a loss for words. “Okay. That was bad”. But it was also a little bit funny. I can’t smile and give in though. That would make me look weak.

“You don’t like compliments?”

“Not when they come from guys like you”

“Guys like me?” he raises a brow at me.

“You know, the kind who don’t care about anyone or anything. The heartbreakers. Words don’t mean much to you. You say them but they’re empty promises. Empty words.You’re all the same. You only know how ruin a girl’s mascara, not her lipstick”

“You’ve had your heart broken then, Nancy?” he takes a sip of his coffee all the while eyeing me over the rim of the cup.

“Hmm” I move closer to him. “Wouldn’t you like to know Jungkook? You think I am going to give you my life story just because you look like you are the remedy to every girl's daddy issues?”

“Clearly not yours” he shrugs like he doesn’t care at all. “But give me something at least”

“And let you have power over me?” I smile. “Tsk Tsk. Not happening”

“So I do have power over you” he comments, almost like he’s won this little exchange.

“Maybe. Maybe not”

“You know I like mysteries?” he says.

“There is a difference between liking them and solving them” I bring the cup of coffee to my lips.

He nods. “I like you”

“In a good way, I hope”

“Wouldn’t you like to know” he echoes my words from earlier. I can’t help the smile it elicits as I lower my head.

I raise my head to look at him and put on my best poker face. “I don’t like mysteries''. I am not lying though. I hate uncertainty. I have grown up with it. Spending my Sunday’s at the dinner table waiting for my parents to come, backstage at my ballet performances wondering if they will come to support me, delaying my walk on the stage for graduation because I couldn’t see my parents in the crowd.

Turns out I really do have “daddy” and “mommy” issues. He would probably have a field day with me though. I am exactly the kind of girl who gets caught in his trap. He will say he knows how to fix my “daddy” issues, and I will believe his words because he’s giving me attention. But then he breaks my heart because it all becomes too boring for him. He’s been there and done that.

“Where have you been all my life?” he chuckles.

“Avoiding guys like you” I say.

“I can’t win, can I?” he asks.

“Does this usually work on other women?”

He nods. “Pretty much all the time”

“Time to step up your game then” I say. I look at the clock on the wall and then back outside where it has stopped raining. “Well, it was nice meeting you. Had it not been for you I would have been bored just waiting”

“I’ll give you a ride” he throws away the coffee cup.

“My mother told me not to accept rides from strangers” the practiced coy smile comes useful. Yoona’s teaching paid off. Let’s just say she worked hard on me. I’d probably be fumbling my words were it not for her.

“Well your mother is one wise woman isn’t she” he pauses. “Then I’ll walk you to wherever it is you are going”

“What if I had to take two buses to get here?”

“It either makes you really dumb or just really passionate for strawberry milk” he looks down at the bag in my hand, the faint outline of the milk bottle visible.

“I do love strawberry milk”

“Come on. Let’s go” he gets to the door first and opens it for me, not giving me much of a chance to run away or keep stalling.

If my mother saw this she’d definitely call me a slut. She’s blunt like that. Though, I do not think she would live long enough to see this. The fact that I am talking to him would be enough to send her to heaven. Jungkook was her living, breathing nightmare. Her and my father’s. But oh-- how I would just love to shove this new side of me in their faces.

We arrive in front of the dorms. “Thank you Jungkook”

“It’s not a problem,” he winks. “I hope you have a good night” he gives a two-fingered salute. “See ya again strawberry girl” he reaches for my hand, plants a kiss on the back.

And just like that, he saunters off into the dark.

Chapter 3

The semester has ended and I am back at my parent's for a while. I am not thrilled about it but when Yoona had to move back home for a family emergency I decided I didn’t want to stay at the dorms either. So here I am yet again, in this fancy mansion that looks like a dream but is filled with nothing but loneliness.

I fix my dress again for the nth time. I really don’t know why I have to wear a dress for a thanksgiving party. I have always hated these parties. They are superficial. Every word exchanged is laced with poison. There is something to be gained everywhere. Everyone wants one thing or another. Even youngsters my age come to these parties to find trophy husbands or wives for themselves. Every single one of them is full of themselves.

A group standing near me, some of whom I have known since prep school are talking about where they travelled to in the summer.

“Oh Amsterdam was amazing,” says one of the girls airly, flipping her hair.

I can’t help the scowl that overcomes my face. I can’t stand a single person at this party. They are all lonely shells of a human being, who care about no one but themselves. My parents included.

My mother is standing in the corner twirling around in her pretty red dress, going on and on about the designer she bought it from for $50,000. My father is standing with some of the politicians I recognize from the TV. God knows what they are talking about.

I walk towards my mother. It’s the only choice I have. Standing by myself is worse because I keep thinking about how much I hate these people. I stand quietly next to her, pretending to sip on the champagne in my hand when one of the trophy wives comments on my dress. “Oh that is a lovely dress dear”

“Thank you” I reply, offering a half-hearted smile.

“Oh come on sweetheart, tell her about your dress” my mother places her hand at the small of my back and presses hard. She usually does this as a signal. She used to do this when I was younger too and when we had guests over she would force me to play the piano, or the violin or show them the new moves I had learned in Ballet class. I reach back and pull her hand away.

“I think I am good.” I tell her and escape from there.

“Excuse me” I hear her say.

“Young lady, you stop there right now” my mother’s shrieking voice follows me. “That is no way to behave in front of guests” she spins me by the elbow.

I almost drop the champagne on my dress. “I told you mother, I have no interest in this party” i yank my elbow from her grip.

“ This is important for your father and you will behave” she is stern.

I scoff. “I am not a child anymore. I am perfectly capable of having my own opinions. And right now I think this place sucks. Everyone is so fucking pretentious, Jesus”

“Watch your language” she gives me a firm look. Had I been 7 years old, I would have cowered in fear. But I wasn’t and she needed to know that.

I am about to reply when someone catches my attention behind my mother. He looks very familiar, except this time he’s wearing a suit. A black suit that fits his curves and edges perfectly, as if the fabric itself was made for him. We lock eyes and he raises his champagne glass in acknowledgement. “Who is that?” I ask. I know who he is but how the hell is he at this party?

My mother turns around following my line of sight. “That is Jeon Jungkook. His family owns a massive chain of five star hotels” she turns back to me, blocking my view of him. “It’s best you stay away from him. He is a good-for-nothing- boy. Completely ruined his family’s legacy” she scowls, hatred and judgement evident in her eyes.

So he’s a rich kid too. And he doesn’t listen to his parents? He’s practically perfect.

I hand her my champagne glass “Excuse me mother. I will be back” I say as I make a beeline for him.

“Y/N, come back here right now” I hear her say, but I don’t care. There is one person at this party I like and I will be damned if I don’t talk to him. Besides, I would love to piss my mother off.

“Strawberry girl” he says as he reaches for my hand and places a gentle kiss at the back. “Fancy seeing you here”

“Jeon Jungkook” I nod in acknowledgement. “I can say the same for you. I did not think this was your scene”

“It’s not. But I am forced to be here. My father was adamant I attend and that I do not further ruin his reputation”

“Tsk Tsk. You’re a bad boy. What did you do?”

“Well my dear father” he looks over my shoulder and raises his glass and I see a middle-aged man giving him a stern, disapproving look. “That would be him” he says. “Anyway, he wanted me to join the family business. Take over in fact. But I didn’t want that”

“What did you want?” I ask, moving closer so we’re standing toe to toe. I know my mother is looking.

He doesn’t seem to mind it. In fact, he smiles at the increase in physical proximity. “I wanted my own business, which I have”

“Ooh self-made man. I like” I wiggle my brows at him. “What business?”

“I have my own music company”

“That’s amazing”

He sighs. “Not to my father it isn’t. He says I have let him down. He said he may have forgiven me had I chosen a higher profession. But like I told you I am not the studying type. Always hated that, but always loved music”

“I guess your whole look also adds to it” I gesture to his tattoos and piercings. He’s still wearing the dangly earring in one ear, and his tattooed fingers are adorned with rings.

“Why?” he leans in to whisper against my ear. “You don’t like it?”

I play with his tie, feeling the soft silk between my fingers. “I like them a lot. Tell me about them”

He pulls back, places his hand in mine and pulls me along.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“Well if you want to see my tattoos, we need a private space” he winks.

“I know just the place” my steps quicken as I take the lead and pull him along.

I take him to the secluded basement. It’s supposed to be the entertainment room. There’s a pool table, a large theatre screen with pull-out couches for seats. There is a bar to the side, stashed with my father’s most cherished alcohol. Some of them are as old as sixty years. I have never touched them though. I am the “good girl” after all. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like trying some. I look at Jungkook and I know he would enable it-- which may just be what I need.

“Wait, is this your place?” he asks as he takes in the large suite.

“You didn’t know?” I ask going around the pool table and sit on the edge of it while he circles back to me and stands right in front of me.

He shakes his head. “I had no idea. But good to know”

“Anyway, show me your tattoos”

Without a word he shrugs off his suit jacket, which I insist I hold because I’d rather something that expensive doesn’t get ruined. He hands it to me and folds his sleeves to reveal something that resembles a crossword puzzle. He moves closer, I reach for his arm and trace the letters. “I’d rather die than be cool” I read the words on his forearm. “What does it mean?”

“I’d rather die than try to fit in with the crowd. It’s from a song” I know he’s looking at me. But I dismiss the small flutters in my stomach.

“It fits you” I trace the line crossing over this tattoo. “Make hay while the sun shines” I look at him. He’s got this soft look in his eyes. “What?”.

He fixes my hair behind my ears, a small smile on his lips. “I don’t know. You just look beautiful” his hand lingers on my cheek.

Is he going to kiss me?

I slap his hand away. “This isn’t going to work on me” I wag my finger at him. “Show me this one” I traced the outline of a tattoo on his neck.

He begins to unbutton his shirt. “Stop me at any time” he smirks.

I don’t know what has gotten into me. “Actually you know what” I place my hand on top of his as he reaches for the last button. “Show me some other time”. I look away. The temptation,too much for me. Maybe he’s right.

I let go of his hand.

“As you wish” he smiles softly, beginning to button his shirt back up. “I meant it you know, this dress does look amazing on you”

“Oh?” I feel at a loss for words. He looks sincere enough but with someone like him, it can just as easily be a game. “Well, in any case, you’re kind of too perfect in some ways”

“I am not all that dreamy. I might be every girl’s wet dream-- not yours” he says when he sees me open my mouth to protest. “But I am not without flaws”

“Elaborate”

“I vape”

“Better than smoking

“I drink”

“Who doesn’t?”

“I fucked my way through college”

“Not winning any points there”

“I’m every father’s worst nightmare”

“You’re every girl’s wet dream”

“Okay, you win” he concedes. “Maybe I am not that bad”

“Yeah. Except for the’ fucking your way through college’ part”

“Oh that. I just said that to be cool” he shrugs. “I didn’t think you would take it seriously.”

“Fuckboi’s are not cool” I remind him.

“So if you don’t like fuckboi’s or guys like me, what do you like?” he walks to the bar, slipping in behind the counter and begins to inspect the liquor bottles. His back is turned to me. I follow his lead and stand on the opposite side of the bar.

“Well, I don’t know. But It’s definitely not you. I won’t make the mistake of falling for you”

He turns around, a bottle in hand and he opens it. He reaches for the glasses piled up high in the cabinet to the right and pours himself one. “You want one?” he asks.

I shake my head. It won’t do me any good to get drunk with him.

“How are you so sure?” he questions, sipping on his drink and then reaching for the bottle again. “Damn this is good whiskey” he turns it around in his hand taking note of it.

I can’t help but frown at him. “Well, it’s not you. Let’s just settle on that”

“So, someone extremely handsome?”

“You mean conventional aka boring”

“You mean Devilish?” he grins.

“Maybe”

“You can’t control how you feel. You might just end up falling in love with me” he eggs this whole thing on like he’s enjoying it. I am too. But he’s dangerous. He makes me want to throw caution to the wind.

“You can dream on lover boy”

He snorts. “No one has ever called me that. I am not sure if I should be turned on by that or if I should be turned on by that ”

“Run the other way. I can be kind of crazy”

“That’s my type though. I like crazy. Saint in the streets, a devil in the sheets? Now that is the best of both worlds” he folds his arms atop the counter and leans in towards me. “Something tells me you’re both” his gaze bounces to my lips.

“Am I?” I pull back.

Not because he’s overstepping, but because I am. I haven’t done this routine before. I don’t know what’s too little and what’s too much. I am just going with the feeling in my gut and hoping I can keep up.

“You know it”

I roll my eyes at him. “You’re bad for me”

“Very”

“You are going to break my heart”

He pretends to think for a moment. “Most definitely”

“You’ll tell me you love me”

“Everyday”

“What a liar”

“I’d say, lover”

“You’re out of luck then. I don’t need a lover” I turn on my heels and begin to walk away. In two quick strides, he’s blocking my way.

“But you do need my number” he holds his hand out for my phone.

“You give me yours” I say with confidence and he hands me his phone.

I put my information in and give it back. He looks at the screen and then back at me. “I feel betrayed, strawberry girl”

“Why? You didn’t really think my name was Nancy did you?”

“I knew after talking to you that you couldn’t be a ‘Nancy’. Turns out I was right” he pockets his phone.

I turn around. “It’s getting late, lover boy” I start walking towards the door to the basement when he catches up with me.

“You’re going to break my heart one day, Nancy” he chuckles, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

Chapter 4

Jungkook and I began to text a lot. It mostly consisted of flirting and banter going back and forth with an occasional sincere compliment from him and a sincere bit from my life to him. It turns out he’s not as bad as people make him out to be. He wants to pave his own path and walk it, with or without his father’s help.

That is something I can appreciate. He’s a breath of fresh air in the staleness of entitlement I have become used to. He’s true to himself. If he doesn’t give a fuck he’ll say it. He’s unafraid. Maybe that’s what draws me to him. I don’t know how to not be afraid.

For instance right now as I am sitting across from yet another rich dude my mother set me up with, I don’t know how to not be afraid of getting up and just leaving without causing a scene. He’s been going on and on about something I really could not care less about.

“You know during my trip to Africa?” He clears his throat. “I realized something”

“What would that be?” I offer a tight lipped smile.

“We are so fortunate to live in a country as great as ours. You know, people in poor countries can’t even get clean drinking water. The whole time I was there I had to keep asking them to bring me those cheap Dasani water bottles” his face contorts with disgust and I throw up internally.

“Mmhmm” I nod along, barely able to contain my frustration.

“When we were flying back, you know in our private airplane” he pauses for effect as if expecting me to look impressed. “From up above you could see just how dirty the living conditions were.” he shudders. “But it was just so rewarding to help these people out, you know. If we don't, who else will?”

Entitled fucking prick.

He then continues to go on and on about how the middle class is leaching from the rich. I mean talk about absurdity.

“So you think people who actually pay their taxes are the problem?” I can’t help it. The venom in my voice just comes out automatically.

He dismisses it. “They are dropping the standard, you know?”

I roll my eyes. I can’t deal with this. I tap my foot impatiently, waiting for an out. I look around the speakeasy. It’s a very popular “dating” spot for all the rich kids in the city. They gather here everyday and drink away their first world problems or come looking for a trophy wife or a husband they can flaunt around. I have seen it. I know how it’s going to go for them. They’ll flirt a little. Get to know each other, date, get married and then maybe 5-10 years down the road they will be at each other’s throats. She’ll be fucking someone else and he’ll be doing the same. Just like that marriage over.

As I am looking around I catch Jungkook in the corner of the bar. He was already looking at me. He waves, moving his fingers in a scraggly fashion. How long has he been here?

“Excuse me” I say, hurriedly walking away. There is my out.

I push through bodies here and there as I make my way across the lounge. I take the empty seat next to him. “You couldn’t have helped? Given me a call so I could pretend that a friend has an emergency?” I say to him.

“First off, hello. Secondly, I think you were doing pretty well” he shrugs. “I didn’t think you needed help”

“Yeah. I was doing so well that I was desperate to get out of there”

“So who’s the chump?” Jungkook nods at rich kid.

“I don’t know his name” I look over across the room. Said chump looking around, I assume trying to find me.

“That’s my girl” Jungkook grins as if he’s proud of me. “What did you lovebirds talk about?”

“Oh, only about where we would go on our honeymoon” I say dreamily, placing a hand on my heart.

“Where did you decide?” He humors me and takes a sip of his drink. It smells like whiskey again.

“Africa. You know to help out the children and to show off to our other rich friends our giving spirit”

He snorts. “You will fit in perfectly, strawberry girl”

“Hardly. So what brings you here, lover boy?”

He raises a brow. “Her” he nods to a girl in the corner of the room, currently taking selfies of herself. She’s definitely an eye candy, even I can admit it.

“Wow, she seems like a bundle of joy”

“She is” he nods. “She’ll make the perfect housewife for me. But I doubt I can provide for her needs. Or anyone really”

“I think you’ll do better than 99.9% of chumps in here”

He looks at me, highly amused. “What makes you say that?”

I shrug.

“Oh come on, strawberry girl. You’re making my male ego curious”

“Tell your male ego to shove it then” I offer a mocking smile. “Although, thank god you’re here. I honestly heard angels singing when I saw you sitting here”

He laughs silently. “Should we get out of here then?”

Jungkook slides a couple of bills across the bar as we get up.

“Hey! Where did you go? I have been looking for you” the chump comes out of nowhere.

“What’s up champ?” Jungkook stands up and throws an arm around him. He’s wearing black ripped jeans and a black half-sleeve t-shirt tucked into his jeans. His arms are filled with ink and it draws me in.

I can’t help but draw a comparison between them as I observe. Jungkook looks infinitely better than the chump dressed in chinos and a white button up shirt.

The chump looks confused. “Who are you?”

“Let me tell you something” Jungkook whispers something in his ear. With wide eyes, he looks at me and then walks away as if he’s seen a ghost.

“What did you tell him?” I question.

“That you are pregnant with my baby and that your parents are going to disown you once we tell them today and that he’s better off finding another girl” Jungkook looks proud of himself, a beaming smile on his face.

I gawk at him. “You did what? Jungkook, you do know that this is going to spread like wildfire right?”

“Don’t worry” he throws an arm around my shoulder. “You can live with me once your parents kick you out. I’ll take care of you” he presses a kiss to the side of my head. “And our baby”

“Oh my god” I groan. “I am sure my mother will hear of this”

“That’s perfect then. Make a scene and leave your house” he looks down at me, a good-for nothing smile on his face. He talks about it so lightly it blows my mind.

“You’re serious?” I frown at him.

“Very” he looks me straight in the eyes. “Honestly, you need to leave that place”

It wouldn’t be bad to live with Jungkook. It would be nice for once to have someone who will be present for me. For a moment I actually consider it. My mind plays me a highlight reel of how the conversation between my parents and I would go down. I can imagine myself packing my bags and leaving my house to live with Jungkook.

“Okay. So if my mother asks, is it a boy or a girl?” I wiggle my brows at him. I won’t lie, playing pretend is king of fun. Especially with him.

“Girl. I have always wanted a girl” he looks serious for a brief second.

“You?” I scoff in disbelief. “Don’t you want another mini Jungkook?”

“Oh god no” he shakes his head. “I don’t want that disappointment”

“What are we going to name her?” I ask as we begin to walk, his hand wrapped around my waist.

He pulls out a vape. I don’t think it’s allowed but who is going to stop the rich kids from breaking the rules? We know how to use “daddy” as a threat. “Violet. I have always loved that name you know”

I smell strawberries as he puffs out the smoke. “If it’s a boy?” I play along.

“I am going to abandon you two. If he’s my son he’s going to disappoint me” he chuckles.

“You are crazy Jeon Jungkook”

He winks. “Now let’s go give your parents the good news” he smiles from ear to ear, dimples on full display.

Chapter 5

My imagination does come true because a few days after my so-called “date” my mother and I got into a fight. She stomped in my room after she heard from her friends over at brunch that I am pregnant. I imagine the shame she must have felt but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of happiness at seeing her so furious.

“I told you to stay away from that boy! look what he’s done” she yells so loud I flinch.

I assume she’s talking about Jungkook. “Mother! You don’t know him”

“I don’t have to. He’s a good-for-nothing, shameless boy who has already ruined his life. But now he has ruined yours too!”

So my mother actually thinks I am pregnant. I wonder if I should go along with the lie. But then how would we even manage? I know Jungkook wouldn’t mind it. He’s the one who started this mess.

“I am not pregnant! Jungkook just said that so your dear Joe would leave me alone!”

“What? Why would you lie?”

“Because I am sick of you trying to set me up with men I have no interest in” my voice rises too.

My mother looks furious and confused. “It’s for your own good!”

“Mom, he was so entitled! Showing off about how much money he has and how he pities the poor!”

“What’s so wrong with that?“ she doesn’t even seem to grasp how wrong she sounds. I would explain to her that she sounds like a royal b.i.t.c.h. However I doubt she would understand.

I shake my head. “Point is, I am not interested in dating any of these rich assholes”

“Watch your language, young lady” my mother looks at me sternly. 10 year old me would have cowered. But not me, not right now. “You stay away from that…” she almost looks disgusted. “from that boy. He might actually get you pregnant”

“What’s wrong with that? I would rather him than another entitled prick who lives on Daddy’s money. At least Jungkook is independent and knows what he wants in life. He treats me with respect unlike these other guys who over the years have objectified me, made me feel worthless and tried to take my dignity away from me”

“You do not talk like that. Do not do anything to jeopardize the respect your father has gained in our circle. If you do-”

“To hell with this! You have never cared about me. You were absent my whole life and you think you can continue to dictate what I do? Not anymore”

“So that’s what this is about? Is this why you are rebelling?”

“You can’t even acknowledge that you did wrong by me. All these guys you want me to meet. They know it too. That’s why they think they can ask anything of me and I will give it to them” I can feel the frustration bubbling in my throat. I know that I am going to cry.

“Know what?”

“That you and dad have been neglecting me my whole life. That I have never gotten attention. So, they think that I’ll do whatever to get any kind of attention”

“Y/n”

“Because that’s what girls with broken hearts do, mom” my voice quivers and that’s when I know I need to stop. “Leave” I look at her, taking a few steps to usher her out. She doesn’t say anything further and marches out of my room.

Immediately I look for my phone. I rummage through the covers and when I find it I call him.

“Hey, strawberry girl” Jungkook says.

“Hey” I sniffle. “So listen. You know how you said I could come to live with you if my parents kick me out?”

“Yes” he says.

“Is that offer still valid?”

“Are you crying?” he sounds concerned

“Mhmm” my voice shakes. “So can I?”

“Of course, you can. Do you want me to pick you up?”

I wipe the corner of my eye as another tear escapes. “God no. I’ll fill you in later. Thank you Jungkook. I really appreciate you”

“Anything for you, strawberry girl” I can hear his smile through the phone.

Jungkook is waiting for me when I arrive at his apartment. It’s like he was waiting by the door because it opens on the first knock.

I drop my bags and engulf him in a hug. He holds me tight. “How are you holding up?” he asks.

“I’ve been better” I mumble against his shoulder. He sways us side to side, making me giggle. “Thank you for doing this. It means a lot to me”

“I should say sorry to you” he gently strokes my back. “If I didn’t impulsively lie you’re pregnant to that chump, you wouldn’t be here”

“No” I sniffle. “This was going to happen one way or another. Twenty years of neglect and abandonment issues… this should have been obvious to everyone. I am just glad that I have you here” I pull back.

“Of course, my beloved strawberry girl. What kind of a baby daddy would I be If I abandoned my two beautiful girls?” his lips rose in that naughty grin. It seems like he’s really enjoying this whole thing.

“So we have decided it’s a girl?” I try to suppress my smile but I can’t when he looks so happy.

“Violet” he reminds me.

“Oh yes. Violet. Right.” I pause. “ Tell me something”

“Mhmm” he says.

“You’re really having fun with this whole pregnancy shebang aren’t you?”

“Is it obvious?” he looks shy the way he looks away momentarily. “I can’t help it. I love the idea of little Violet” he’s almost entirely giddy even just saying it because his smile grows wider, reaching his eyes.

Cute

“You’ll make a great father someday”

“Hmm. I hope So. Anyway, welcome to my humble abode” he pulls me along inside, leaving my bags by the door.

The first thing that catches my eye is that along the walls of the short hallway, there are pieces of vinyl cascading up. It looks very cool. He definitely loves his music. At the end of the hallway to the left is the living room. His interior is black and white— white walls and black furniture. To the right is the kitchen— granite black countertops and black cupboards. There is a large window in the living room and a couple of smaller ones in the kitchen.

There is a giant 90-inch television mounted to the wall to the left and a bookcase flanking each side.

I point to it. “Didn’t take you for a reader”

He shrugs. “I went through a phase where I collected books” he walks over and picks up one, stroking the spine. “I haven’t touched a single one in a long time.” he places it back.

On the shelves, placed here and there are pictures of him when he was younger. I move closer to take a look. There is one with him, probably 7 to 9 years old, holding a soccer ball. As I look further down there is one of him from graduation—another one of him from prom. There are a few of him and his parents too.

“It wasn’t always so tense between my dad and I” he picks up a really old photo of him and his dad on his birthday. Jungkook is on a pony and his dad is holding the reins. “We were actually close when I was younger”

I watch as he looks lovingly at the photo, a small smile on his lips as he thinks back. There is also regret in his eyes. ”Do you miss it?” I rest my head against his arm and gently stroke his back— a comforting gesture to ease whatever negative feelings must be surfacing for him.

“Of course. Sometimes” he shrugs, putting it away. “What about you?” he lays his arm across my shoulders.

“Ummm… I don’t have any great memories with my parents. Yeah. Not much to say there” I look away and clear my throat.

“I am sorry” he gives a tight squeeze. “You deserve every good thing”.

“Thank you. No one has ever said that to me”

“As your friend and baby daddy-

“Oh god” I roll my eyes.

“I will tell you this every single day” he lets go.

I look upwards. “Violet, I know you don’t exist. But one day when you do, you should know your father is a crazy man”

Jungkook laughs at this. “I am going to love that little girl. I’ll be a better father than my dad was to me” he says softly.

“I know.” I say gently.

She’s going to be a lucky girl.

Chapter 6

Jungkook and I settled into a routine. I give him a wake up call every morning for work because even with three different alarms on he never wakes up. We walk around each other as we get ready in the morning —bumping into each other in the bathroom as we brush our teeth. Then it’s a cutthroat competition for the shower as we push and shove each other out of the door. Sometimes he lets me win though when I put on my amazing puppy face. I make horrible breakfast where I burn the toast because we’re both late. He drops me off at university and then heads to work.

I usually come home late because of assignments and exams that I have to do long study sessions for. But he waits for me every single night. Without fail. Even after I tell him he doesn’t have to, he insists on doing so because he doesn’t want me to feel lonely anymore. Every single time I walk in through the door and he sees me he opens his arms out wide and I collapse into them. He holds me and then asks me how my day was and if I ate. The answer usually is no, so he always insists I eat before bed.

I was expecting him to do the same when I got home.

He was sitting on the sofa, eyes glued to the television. I kick my shoes off and as usual he holds his arms out for me. I throw my bag on the floor and crawl next to him, laying my head on his chest.

“You’re early today” he comments.

“I got tired. I don’t think my brain can take any more of krebs cycle today” I sigh, contentment flooding through me.

“Please tell me you ate something”

“You will be happy to know that I did eat today. Since I actually managed to get my shit done at a respectable hour, the cafeteria was still open. So I got myself food”

“That’s my girl”. he ruffles my hair.

I pull away from him so that I can look at him.

“What exciting piece of music did you make today?” I ask. His work really intrigues me because he’s a composer.

He sighs heavily. “Didn’t get much done today. Just went over some old songs and such”

I catch a whiff of his cologne. “You smell good” I didn’t realize it before because I was just so comfortable in his arms that I didn’t even pay attention. It’s odd because he never wears perfume or cologne when he goes to work. He even got his “going out clothes”on. He dresses casually for work and when he’s at home he’s in sweats and a hoodie. “Going somewhere?” I frown, figuring that he must have a work thing.

“Oh yeah. I have a date tonight” he looks at his watch.

I was not expecting him to say that. “Oh” is all I can say.

I feel something stir deep inside me when he looks at me. It’s an ancient feeling— familiar yet unknown. Something changed in me. It’s a sudden shift of perspective, momentarily. Then, he’s not just Jungkook anymore. He’s Jungkook.

When you take the word ‘just’ out of the equation, it elevates him to a level reserved only for: a) men who have the potential to make a woman’s heart flutter and b) men who do make a woman’s heart flutter.

Because the value of anything can be reduced to dust when you add ‘just’ in front of it.

My heart doesn’t flutter though. It wavers. Now, I don’t know where I stand. I am afraid the act of being uncertain is pushing me towards a place I don’t want to be. I want clarity. But when he says he’s going on a date and my heart sinks, I don’t think my brain and my heart are on the same page anymore.

This wavering— in a single moment— brings about a lot of emotions. Disappointment is at the forefront of it, but lingering deep down is a resentment towards him that I have never known. My heart says: how can he go on a date? Where my mind knows he’s free to do whatever he wants because we’re not in a relationship. We’re not anything.

We are just friends…

He’s just Jungkook. A man who has helped me more than my parents ever have. A man who has gone out of his way to make sure I don’t feel lonely.

I rummage through my mind to find the words that will help me find clarity and respond to him in a way a good friend would. But then I feel that sinking feeling in my stomach and I am forced to wonder if he is indeed just a good friend.

I don’t have time to ponder on this fleeting thought because he gets up. “How do I look?” he asks.

I stand up, forcing a smile on my face that will be good enough to fool him. “Handsome as always” I say as I fix his hair. It begins to feel too intimate when I realize we are standing in each other’s personal bubble. I step back slightly but not enough to cause him alarm.

“Alright then” he places his hands on the sides of my face and kisses my forehead— and I wish he hadn’t. “Don’t wait for me.” he says.

“Good luck” I say but I know I don’t mean it. I hope his date doesn’t go well. I wish she turns out to be some psycho-rich bitch, the kind he can’t stand. I wish she’s not as beautiful as my mind is making her up to be. I wish so many things that I forget I am meant to be supporting him. Because I am his friend.

He offers me his beautiful smile. My face falters once his back is towards me as he leaves. He’s at the door and I have this desperate wish he’ll change his mind. Then he turns around— a second of hope shines through— “oh and please sleep at a decent time” his dimpled smile makes an appearance.

He disappears, the door automatically locking behind him.

“Fuck” I cover my mouth in that devastating way when someone gives you bad news.

Chapter 7

Sometimes when Jungkook gets busy, he doesn’t eat. Rather he forgets to eat. It’s not high on his list of priorities.Lately, his work has been so busy he comes home late and collapses on the couch. His room has remained untouched for the past week, the covers on his bed laid out the way he had left them.

He did not eat dinner and in the morning he left without having breakfast. I worry that he’s going to pass out if he keeps doing this. So I do the next best thing.

I knock on his office door after his secretary lets me in. For some reason, she didn’t believe Jungkook knew me. But when I call him, and he got angry with her she apologized profusely before leading me to this office.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, walking towards me, arms wide open.

I walk straight into them. “I came to surprise you”. I pull away and hold a brown bag towards him. “You didn’t eat. Again”

“Oh” it’s like he just realized it. “I have a lot of work to do. We’re putting out a new music album so it’s been crazy around here” he takes the bag from me, opens it and takes a whiff. “You got me a chocolate croissant? How did you know?”

“What can I say? I am a good girlfriend”

He grins. “So you have promoted yourself from my baby mama to my girlfriend?”

“I hope you don’t mind” I chuckle.

“Come on. Have a seat” he escorts me further inside.

He sits on the edge of his desk while I take a seat in the very comfortable chair, spinning around a few times. I come to a halt. “Who is the artist?”

“Taehyung” he takes a big bite of the croissant. “Thank you for this by the way” he mumbles between bites, clearly hungry.

“Wait. Did you say Taehyung? As in Kim Taehyung?” I look at him wide-eyed, hardly able to believe it.

He nods. “You know him?”

“Of him. I like his music. Oh my god can I meet him? Please?” I look at him expectantly, folding my hands.

Jungkook responds with a blank look. He doesn’t say anything. It’s like he’s thinking something, almost like he’s judging me. I can’t discern the look in his eyes. The silence on his end drags on. I am tempted to smack him in the face because he’s being very irritating about this whole thing. It is so unlike him.

“No” he blinks and then takes another bite of the croissant.

“Why?” His response is so scandalous that I can’t help but scowl at him.

“Just no” he quips, hopping off the table and going to sit back in his chair like the CEO he is. He opens his laptop and begins typing away acting like I am not sitting in front of him. I continue to fume and stare at him. He continues to pretend he can’t see me. We sit in silence. It’s not awkward at all. It’s just heavy with something I can’t put a name to.

“Give me one good reason” I finally say.

“Because…” he looks at me over the screen of his laptop. “Because, just no” he shakes his head. “You can’t”

“What are you so afraid of?” I lean over the desk, trying to get a good look at him while he dodges my stares.

“Stop doing that” he looks exasperated. “I am not afraid of anything” he avoids looking at me, clearly lying. I can’t figure out why.

“Jungkook seriously” I lean back in my seat and fold my arms across my chest. “You really can’t lie to me”

“Look, when women meet Taehyung they tend to…” he pauses to think. “They tend to lose their shit. You’re my roommate, and he works for me. It would be weird” he shudders as if completely repulsed by the idea of me meeting Kim Taehyung.

“Of course J, what do you expect? He’s Kim Taehyung! You would have to have a penis in most cases to not lose your shit”

“So you’re telling me you’re going to be like that too?” he shuts his laptop as he stares at me, completely offended.

“You tell me. If you saw that actress you like- what’s her name…”

“Sanne Vloet? Also, she’s a model, not an actress” he corrects.

“Yeah. Her. If you had the opportunity to meet her wouldn't you act like a total mess?”

“It’s different. She’s not my roommate and me having sex with her won’t change anything” he shrugs.

The only thing I can do is gape at him. “Who said anything about having sex?!”

“You’re telling me if he puts moves on you, you won’t have sex with him?”

I have to think about it. He’s not entirely wrong. Kim Taehyung would be everyone’s dream guy. He’s just dreamy and hot. “I swear I won’t do anything to make things awkward. Besides, all this is hypothetical. What makes you think he’ll hit on me!?”

“Have you seen yourself? What guy wouldn’t hit on you?” he sighs, leaning against his chair and looking up at the ceiling.

“You”

“I did hit on you. But you shut me down, so I gave up” he reminds me.

“Wait…” I narrow my eyes on him. “Are you saying you think I am hot?”

His brows pull together with disbelief. “Dude, did I not make it obvious enough the first time we met?”

My heart wavers. Again. Just like it did that day.

“Okay fine—”

“Hey man, I was thinking we could change the lyrics a little. I brought the revised version”

I turn around to find Kim Taehyung sauntering into the room not even looking at anyone as he’s reading over the papers in his hands. I turn towards Jungkook, unable to hide my excitement. “Introduce me” I mouth.

He shakes his head.

Jungkook immediately gets up and jogs over, blocking my view of Taehyung on purpose. He looks over at whatever Taehyung brought him. I try to get a good look but Jungkook keeps sliding left and right to keep him from seeing me.

“Hi!” I get up and walk over, hand already extended. I push Jungkook aside with my hip “I am y/n”

Taehyung looks at me and I promise I could faint, were it not for Jungkook scowling at me.

“Taehyung” he shakes my hand. His skin is so soft and smooth as it makes contact with mine. “Pleasure to meet you” he flashes me that perfect smile of his and I could melt into a puddle of goo. “You know Jungkook?” he looks between both of us.

Jungkook puts his arm around me, staring straight at Taehyung. “Yeah. She’s my girlfriend” he gives my shoulder a squeeze. For a moment I am puzzled. My super-suppressed feelings surface back up and I try to push them back down. I have zero chance with Jungkook because he just thinks of me as a friend. While standing in front of me is Kim Taehyung, someone who I may actually have a chance with. If I date him I’ll still manage to piss off my parents just as much as if I were to “fake date” Jungkook. It works out either way.

“He’s joking.” I smile at Taehyung. “Long story”

Jungkook looks absolutely pissed as he separates himself from me.

“How do you guys know each other then?” Taehyung addresses me and I forget how to breathe.

“Um...Roommates” I say, tucking my hair behind my ears. I don’t really feel like explaining my situation, instead feeling this urgent need to compliment him. “I wanted to say I really like your voice.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Thank you” Taehyung takes a bow, making me laugh.” “I really like your smile.” his lips upturn into a cheeky grin.

It elicits a laugh from me. I look at Jungkook from the periphery of my vision and notice he’s absolutely not impressed with whatever is happening and I immediately pull my lips into a straight line. He’s standing to the side, arms crossed, hostile look on his face as he looks between me and Taehyung.

Taehyung offers a lopsided smile. “I hope this isn’t too straightforward but would you like to have dinner with me?”

“I would-”

“Absolutely not!” Jungkook intervenes before I even have the chance to open my mouth. He steps in between Taehyung and I. “She’s my roommate and you can’t date my roommate. Sorry buddy, house rules” Jungkook pats Taehyung on the shoulder. He turns over his shoulder, grasps my wrist and begins to pull me away and towards the door. He yells across the room. “I’ll be back and we can talk about the lyrics”

“Wait” I try to wrest my arm from his grip but to no avail.

Once we’re outside his office Jungkook shuts the door. He stands in front of it as if he’s guarding the room. “I’ll see you at home” he holds my face in his hands and presses a kiss to my forehead. He hurriedly slips inside the room. I gape at the now empty spot where he stood.

I don’t even get a word in as he shuts the door on my face.

Chapter 8

“Babygirl, we need to talk” Jungkook comes into the apartment from his morning run. His shirt sticks to his skin, leaving nothing to the imagination. His hair is sweaty, pulled back in a bun and I swear to god I think I wet myself a little.

“About…?” I look at him perched on the couch.

“So apparently, my mother also found out about the whole pregnancy lie I made up and that you are living with me. So she is hell-bent on inviting us to dinner so we can introduce you” he raises his brows and lays down, placing his head on my lap. “Your parents are going to be there too, apparently”

“I am not going” I announce. “Hell no”

“I kind of already said yes” he looks up at me, utterly unaffected by whatever he just said. He doesn’t even look like he cares. “Besides, it’s the perfect opportunity to piss your parents off” he wiggles his brows, trying to entice me. “And mine” he adds.

He’s right. It would be a really good time to show my parents I can manage on my own, and make my own decisions, which is why I moved in with him in the first place. Between discovering my new found not-so-platonic feelings for him, and meeting Taehyung, and just getting comfortable living with him, I had forgotten the world seems to believe I am pregnant.

In fact, I haven’t even texted my mother or father a simple ‘hello’. They didn’t call either. I expected them to march over right away and drag me back home. Something about it being a shameful thing to do. But they didn’t. Half of me felt relieved and the other half felt forgotten and neglected all over again.

I sigh heavily. “Fine. Do they think we are in a relationship?”

“Mhmm” he nods. “I told them we are”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because if I didn't, don’t you think our parents would try to do everything in their power to split us up? At least this way, we have a reason for living together and I love having you here. What can they do if we say we love each other?”

I feel it again. That little flutter in my stomach. It is so easy for him to say things like this and not even flinch. He uses the word ‘love’ like people use the word ‘water’. Might as well be the same because we can’t survive without either of those things.

Love, he says.

If only love was that easy.

He waves his hand in front of my face. “Hello. Where did you go?”

I blink out of my thoughts.“Nothing. So, what are you thinking?”

“Let’s pretend we’re in a relationship. Give them what they want so they will leave us alone. I don’t know about you but I would love to live with you in peace.” he smiles with his eyes-- the sincere kind of smile.

Abort.

This is a bad idea on so many levels for my mental health. I don’t even know if I can pretend to be in love with him, without actually falling in love with him. I have already started to feel something and doing this is only going to make me go down that hole even further. But do I even have a choice?

“How are we going to do this?” I ask, my mouth already parched at the idea of all this.

“I’ll hold your hand, look lovingly into your eyes, whisper sweet-nothings in your ear, say how much I love you and voila” he looks proud of himself, with a cheeky smile on his face.

Is it really that easy for him? If it is, then maybe I am better off ignoring his rule and just going out with Taehyung. It wouldn’t matter to him anyway.

Right?

“You really think it's that easy?” my voice falters a little, and it makes his forehead crinkle with concern.

“I do” he says softly, holding my gaze.

I think about it a little bit more.I realize there aren’t many thoughts in my head. I am only at a loss for words because I feel unsure. “Okay. Lets do it”.

“That’s my girl” he gets up and plants a kiss on my forehead. “ I am going to shower”

It’s a horrible idea. All my life I had been looking for trouble, and now here it was in the living breathing form of Jeon Jungkook.

And I was starting to regret it.

Chapter 9

The dreadful evening arrives much to my chagrin. Jungkook steps out of his room looking like he just came straight out of a rom-com. I don’t know if he does it on purpose, but he’s wearing a black, half-sleeve button-down shirt revealing all his tattoos. He’s left it unbuttoned just enough for everyone to get a peek at the tattoos on his chest. He’s even pulled his hair into a bun, the undercut completely visible.

I swear I don’t breathe for a few moments when I lay eyes on him. I ignore it though because none of it is real. He’s going to put on an act and I am going to get roped into it regardless..

“Wow” I breathe. “You look really good. My parents will definitely not like any of this” I gesture to his whole look.

“Good. But I am glad you like it”

Like it? I fucking love it. I am basically melted inside right now, just an empty shell of a body.

“You look really beautiful” he walks over to me placing a soft kiss on my cheek. He stands toe to toe with me and smooths a hand through my curls. “Just one thing missing” he leans in close to my ear, hands sliding up my arms and behind my neck. I can smell his cologne— the familiar scent of vetiver, a welcoming addition.

He pulls back, tracing his fingers on my neck. “There. Now you look perfect”

I feel something on my neck and under the pads of my fingers I can feel a chain. “Jungkook you didn’t have to”

“Look at it.” he says.

I pull on it with my thumb so I can see it. Hanging from the gold chain is the letter ‘J’. It's small but still very visible.

I am not going to survive the night if he keeps doing things like this. How is any girl not supposed to fall in love with him? Not when he looks like that and acts like this.

“I-I don’t know what to say”. I can’t take my eyes off it. It’s like he’s marking his territory and I don’t know what to think, or say, or do. Some primitive part of my brain finds this gesture really hot. It’s like he wants everyone to know I am his.

“It looks good on you.” he grins. “I am sure this will get their attention”

Right. This is just for show. He doesn’t mean anything by it.

“Careful Jungkook” I look up at him, my lips beginning to curve up in a smile. “I might actually fall in love with you”. My true feelings are disguised as a joke.

He shakes his head with a small smile of his own. He caresses my cheek. “Would that be so bad?” He looks into my eyes, sweet, tender and loving. Just like he said he would. But no one else is around.

“You’re really going to fool everyone tonight” I reach up and fix his hair, and the collars of his shirt. “You just had me there for a second” I accidentally look into his eyes. A few beats of silence pass and we just look at each other.

His smile begins to falter. “I think I fooled myself too, a little bit” he says softly looking into my eyes-- into my whole being and for a second I am afraid he’ll see what I am trying to hide. “If anything I think I might fall in love with you” he’s not grinning like he usually does when he’s joking or teasing. He’s not even smiling. He states it like a fact.

But I can’t tell if he’s pretending or if he’s serious. For my own sanity I decide he’s practicing for later. “Alright lover boy” I sigh. “Let’s go do this”

Jungkook acts like the perfect boyfriend. He holds my hand, whispers things in my ear making me giggle like a schoolgirl, and never leaves me alone. I play along, nodding and smiling. I end up forgetting that we are acting, that none of this is real. I forget that every kiss he places on my skin is only fake. I forget that all the words he’s whispered in my ear are empty. I forget that he’s not my boyfriend.

He’s a friend.

We had initially assumed that the dinner would just be his family and us. But it turns out Jungkook’s mother invited her friends and some family as well. All Jungkook and I could do was look at each other when the doors opened and we were met with so many people. Jungkook calmly slipped his hand in mine and led me inside. He introduced me as his girlfriend when we greeted different groups of people.

“Hi Aunt Jackie” he yells as he leads me to a lady standing by herself, glass of wine in her hand.

“Oh Jungkook! Look at you!” she says embracing him.

“How have you been?” he asks.

“I have been good!” She smiles at him and then looks at me. “You must be the famous y/n I have been hearing about all night”

“Aunt Jackie, meet my beautiful girlfriend y/n” Jungkook grins as he presents me to her. He looks so proud I feel myself getting giddy.

She embraces me the same.

“Aunt Jackie is my mom’s younger sister. She used to live in Korea. But when I was younger she moved here to help my mom out with me”

“He was a very naughty boy” she leans in and whispers.

“I am sure he was” I wrap my hand around his arm, sticking to his side. “He still gets into trouble sometimes” I smile at this warm-hearted woman who is such a contrast to my mother. Speaking of whom, she isn’t even here yet and the thing started like two hours ago. Neither is my father. But that’s a relief because there are two less people we need to convince of our “relationship”.

“I am sure he does” she looks at him momentarily before shifting her attention to me again. “I am glad he met someone as good as you. I can tell you make him happy”

We simultaneously look at each other. Jungkook offers me his signature dimpled smile.

“He makes me really happy too” I look at her while giving his arm a gentle squeeze. Jungkook places a kiss on my cheek catching me off guard. I gasp as I look up at him. “Jungkook…” I look at his aunt, shyness overcoming me.

“Oh don’t mind me” she waves her hand. “I was young once too and in love. I know how it is”

“Oh uh-- we’re not--”

“Bubba, I forgot. But we need to say hello to my father” Jungkook interrupts. “Aunt Jackie, do you mind?” he looks at her.

“Oh no no. Go ahead. I am going to get myself some more wine” she excuses herself.

Once she’s out of earshot he turns to me. “ What was that?”

“I know. I am sorry. I forgot for a second. This is too stressful” I lower my head.

“Hey” he holds my face in his hands and forces me to look at him. “Trust me. We’re okay. Alright?”

“Jungkook! My brother. How are you?” we both turn towards the voice.

Approaching us is someone I have not been introduced to. Jungkook beams, for only the second time after his aunt,he actually looks happy to meet someone else. A very intricate handshake follows “Hey man, how have you been? It has been a while”

“It has.” the tall stranger says. “I assume you are y./n?” he turns to me with a polite nod.

“Does everyone know?” I laugh.

“It’s not every day Jungkook brings his girlfriend home. It’s the first time he’s introduced us to someone”

Jungkook gives him a look-- the kind people give when they are embarrassed. “Come on dude, you’re ruining my bad boy image in front of my girlfriend”

every time he addresses me as his girlfriend my heart jumps.

“Wait, how do you know each other?”

“This” Jungkook throws an arm over the unknown stranger’s shoulder. “ is my cousin Hoseok. Aunt Jackie’s son. My brother from another mother”

“Oh” a look of realization passes my face. “Nice to meet you. By the way, I think I love your mother” I beam.

“Thank you. If you want we can trade places. I am sure she will be more than happy with a daughter” Hoseok chuckles.

“Please no” Jungkook’s face contorts with disgust. “That would make her my cousin” he points to me. “No thank you” he leaves his cousin’s side and stands next to me, pulling me close, his hand around my waist. “Please let my girl be my girl”

“What did you do to him?” Hoseok looks at me, almost bewildered.

“Wasn’t he always crazy?” I look at Hoseok who begins to laugh.

“I like her” he looks at Jungkook. “Don’t let this one go”

“You got it.” Jungkook nods once.

“Anyway, it was a true pleasure meeting you y/n. I have to go make sure my mother doesn’t drink herself to death” Hoseok holds his hand out for me to shake, which I do. “Nice seeing you brother”

Jungkook’s hand slips from my waist and they hug. We bid Hoseok goodbye.

“I like him” I say to Jungkook once Hoseok is gone.

“I don't think I like the fact that you like him,” Jungkook jokes, nudging me.

I stare at him blankly. “Didn’t pin you for the jealous type”

“Oh baby, you have no idea” a wolfish grin spreads on his lips.

I slap him on the chest. “Anyway, can we get some fresh air please”

He pulls me close, hand around my waist as he takes me to the secluded balcony where no one is. It looks out to the front of the mansion, the circular driveway of which is filled with expensive cars. Visible in the distance is the bridge. It’s silent save for the sounds of a soft wind that ruffles the leaves of the trees of which there are many on the front lawn.

“Do you think they believe us?” I ask and he lets go of me. We stand side by side looking to the front.

“I think so”

“Good. I can’t wait for this night to be over” I admire the stars in the sky.

“Really?” Jungkook frowns, eyes on me “ I like it”

I turn to look at him, thoroughly puzzled. “Which part?”

“All of it” he looks down at me. “I have had dates to parties like this before. But tonight is different”

“How?”

“Because you’re here and I don’t have to worry about anything. Everyone loves you. Every single person in there”-- he turns to look over his shoulder. “Has told me how lucky I am to have you”

I don’t say anything. I am not sure if there is anything I can say.

This whole night has been amazing. He has been amazing. But it’s all just a lie and a part of me feels hurt. A part of me feels like crying. As the moon reflects on his skin and he glows a part of me wants to scream at him for making me go through this. As we stand under these stars I want to tell him that everything I have done tonight has been true. I want him to know that my heart has been true.

“They are being nice.” I shrug.

“Come on” he chuckles in disbelief. “You really think they are being nice? You think this is a crowd that knows how to be nice? Yeah sure they are hypocrites but they would have found a way to tell me how much they dislike you, had they actually disliked you”

“You’re right. But we’re just acting right? So what does it matter?”

Does it?

“You’ve managed to make everyone fall for you” he says.

Except you.

“Take the win”

I nod. “I have to say though, you’re really good. You should have gone into acting instead.”

He doesn’t say anything for a bit. He just looks at me, blinking. “Yeah” he says softly, slowly nodding. “Not sure though that all of it was”

I am confused. “What do you mean?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing” He clears his throat.

I snort. “My parents didn’t even show. Typical”

“It's not worth thinking about” he shakes his head. “Should we get out of here now? I think my parents are plenty convinced”

“Please. I miss our home” I say he holds out one arm, beckoning for me. As has become the custom between us, I glue myself to his side and he holds me tight as we walk.

“I miss our home too” he says.

Jungkook makes some bullshit excuse about me not feeling well and we leave.

Chapter 10

The clock strikes 12 am and on the dot Jungkook stumbles into the apartment. I turn around as I pace for the 50th time.

“Where were you?” I run to him. He’s barely taken his shoes off as I start interrogating him.

“At work” he takes off his jacket, and hangs it on the coat rack and kicks off his shoes. His posture is slumped, he’s dragging his feet underneath him, and his eyes are droopy. He looks like death and I immediately feel terrible.

“Did you eat?” I follow after him. He collapses on the couch and closes his eyes.

He shakes his head. “Recording ran long and I forgot to eat”. His chest rises and falls with each breath.

“Hold on.” I say and run to the kitchen. I take out the ramen from the microwave and walk back to the living room. I knew he would not eat. If there is one thing I have learned in all this time, it is that Jungkook is horrible at taking care of himself. He does not put himself first, despite the confident aura he projects which would cause people to assume otherwise.

Soft sounds of Jungkook’s breaths fill in the silence. I place the bowl on the coffee table. I grab the throw and cover him with it. I sit on the floor facing Jungkook. “Kook, are you sleeping?” I ask. Just for good measure. He doesn’t respond. I wave my hand across his face and he doesn’t move. I figure he is deep asleep. I stare at his face. He’s the prettiest boy I have ever seen. He doesn’t even seem real sometimes. He’s too kind and generous, warm, and inviting. My heart swells with so many emotions that my throat tightens.

I sigh, letting the courage build inside of me.

Because I can only say these words when he’s sleeping.

“Jungkook, you know how sometimes you meet someone and everything seems like a fairytale? I feel like that with you. I never would have imagined that I would be living with someone as amazing as you. I know I don’t say it enough but thank you” I press my lips to the side of his head. “There is something I really want to say to you, but I don't think I wlll ever be able to”

He shifts and I feel my heart beginning to race. I freeze, eyes wide as I wait with bated breath. He lays on his side, facing me. I wait to make sure he’s still sleeping. When he doesn’t say anything or open his eyes, I exhale the breath I had been holding.

Can’t you like me?

I want to ask him

Because I have come to like you

I want to tell him.

He folds his arms over his chest. “What did you want to tell me?” he says sleepily.

I think my soul travels out of my body at this point because everything goes numb out of fear. “You… you’re awake?” I ask.

He opens his eyes. He looks at me, softly, and gently. “I heard the whole thing”

“You did!?”

He nods. “What can’t you tell me?”

I pull my lower lip between my teeth. “Well, if I could tell you I would”

“I think I know what it is”

I blink rapidly, my brain going into overdrive. I can’t even say anything in return.

“It’s about Taehyung isn’t it?”

Again. I can’t say anything. He’s not even close. He’s so far away from the truth.

“I know…” he gulps. “I know you like him.”

No, I don’t. I want to scream.

“I thought about it” he gets up and pats the spot next to him. “Come here”.

Like a child, I follow his words and sit beside him.

“I know I said you can’t date Taehyung. I had my own reasons for it. But I realized it was selfish of me. I didn’t consider your feelings. I only thought of myself. It was unfair of me to ask that of you. Especially me, because I was supposed to be different. I was supposed to treat you with consideration because I know so many people in your life didn’t. I wanted to be different. I am sorry I wasn’t– “

“Jungkook…”

“Let me finish, please”. He pauses. “If you and Taehyung want to go out, do it. I won’t stand in your way. I just want you to be happy”

“Jungkook…” is all I can say. I feel frustrated with myself. “I- It’s not–” I sigh and hold my head in my hands. “It’s not what you think..” I mumble.

“What?”

I look up. “I don’t want to date him”

I want to date you

Why can’t he see it in my eyes? Why can’t he tell?

“Then what is it?” he turns to me.

“If I tell you, it could ruin our friendship” my eyes begin watering, and I bite my lip to stop myself from crying.

“Nothing could ruin this” he holds my hands in his.

“There is one thing. Something you don’t know” I take comfort in looking at my lap. I cannot for the life of me make eye contact. I am not planning on confessing that I am starting to feel something for him. Something greater than platonic. Something greater than every other feeling combined.

I can feel his gaze on me. The air around us grows heavy. The silence grows even heavier as he keeps looking at me. Even though I can’t see what his expression is, I can tell that something lingers on his mind. The gentle circles he’s drawing on the back of my hand tell me he’s trying to comfort me. He’s trying to coax it out of me by being silent, by making this so awkward that I am faced with no choice but to speak.

Yet, I do not plan on saying anything to him.

But it seems like he has other ideas because I feel the warmth of his mouth on mine.

The suddenness makes my eyes go wide. It’s like the feeling of being at the highest point of a rollercoaster. The adrenaline builds for a few seconds, and then-whoosh– my heart crashes down to my toes. I feel it coming in waves.

Once

My head becomes dizzy

Twice

My heartbeat reverberates in my ears

Thrice

I feel like passing out

I see his eyes flutter close. His lips are soft and warm against mine. His hands are warm as they leave mine. They are even warmer when they touch my cheeks, trapping me so I can’t escape this.

I want this, but I also want to push him away. I don’t want him to ever stop kissing me.But I also want to tell him to stop because he’s making everything harder.

He pulls away, and his face comes into view. He places his hands in his lap as he looks at me.

I can’t stop staring.

“I just wanted to do that. I don’t know why. I just… wanted to” he looks at me, apologetically. “I am sorry I didn't ask before. I am sorry”

“Why?” I ask. My voice is barely above a whisper, but that is all I can manage.

“You just looked...." he shakes his head, a shuddering breath exhaled.

I can’t take it. I feel like I am going to collapse if I stay in the same room even for a second longer. “I have to go” I hurriedly leave and shut myself in my room.

He doesn’t call for me.

End of part 1

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, dear reader. I appreciate your time. Feel free to check out some of my other stuff and please take 2 seconds out of your time to click that heart, reblog or if you're daring enough,leave a comment. The support you show, means more than you will ever know.

#bts #bts jungkook #bts writing #bts smut #bts fake dating #bts roommate au #bts jungkook x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook scenarios

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