i-am-cesear

[i-am-cesear]

Sometimes, I suddenly remember that I am pansexual and genderfluid. I wonder if I am actually pansexual and tye idea of sex scares me because of the abuse or because I am actually panromantic.

Then I remember that even when I was "straight" and "cis", I had no one who would find me attractive. Who would want to know me more. Who would love me. When I was "pansexual" and "cis", the only person who "loved" me was a secret narcisst. Now, as someone who is not straight or cis, I feel like I would be unloveable. Does that make any sense?

#ok cesear

[i-am-cesear]

I was suppose to write the next chapter but my friend said "Can Ivantill hug at some point?" And the idea of hugging turned into smut and I have Ivantill smut in my head but I should write action scene...

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #ok cesear #alien stage #alien stage till #alien stage ivan #alien stage ivantill

[i-am-cesear]

I have a new revelation. I was going to say that Rei Amayado likes to listen Toxic by Britney but wanna know WHO is the real Britney fan? Fling Posse. Gentaro would LOVE to channel his inner Britney. That man likes to act like a princess, he would sing Toxic and maybe Baby One More Time.

Fling Posse would LOVE Britney.

#hypnosis mic #hypnosis mic gentaro #fling posse #hypnosis mic ramuda #yumeno gentaro #ramuda amemura #rei amayado #dice arisugawa #they would be huge britney fans #i can just feel it #i need soma saito to sing some britney now #come on soma saito i know you want it too #don't be shy gimme some britney #ok cesear

[i-am-cesear]

Some nights while I lay down in the dark after I update any of my fics, I wonder about people. I wonder if there is someone out there got a notification and sees that Cesear updated the fic they like. I wonder if someone out there gets excited. I wonder if something that I did makes someone else's day better. I truely wonder about that.

#ok cesear #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic

[i-am-cesear]

Hi, it's been a while. I miss you, come say hi. I updated my first Ivantill fic, In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen

Name: In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen

Chapter: Number: 7/?

Chapter Name: We Call This Hope

Story Summary: Till was ready to die. There is no way he could win this. Except he did. Or in this story, Ivan lives, and the lesbians save them. Like they should be in the first place. I am looking at you, Hyuna.

Chapter Summary: Till is bored, and after chatting with Mizi, he has a weird dream. He also learns who Hyuna's informant is.

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #ok cesear #alien stage fanfic #alien stage ivan #alien stage till #alien stage #luka alien stage #mizi alnst #alnst

[i-am-cesear]

I wanna buy flowers to a pretty guy so badly right now. Maybe I'll get one to myself, I don't know any guys

#ok cesear #i just really wanna buy something #and make people happy #but instead i lay on my bed #i need to write though

[i-am-cesear]

It's funny how a silly fictional character can come into your life and then take over your entire brain chemistry

[i-am-cesear]

You know what? Fuck it. After I finish writing In Your Gaze, I'll write Ivantill merman AU. We talk about it a little with my friend. I have some funny ideas.

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #ok cesear #alien stage #alien stage fanfic #alien stage ivantill #ivantill #alien stage ivan #alien stage till #mermaid au #because why not

[i-am-cesear]

Hi, you know the drill. I updated my Ivantill fic, In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen. Also, Shxto shared half of his face on Twitter and I feel like a man from medievals and saw an ankle.

Name: In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen

Fandom: Alien Stage

Ship: Ivantill

Chapters: 6/?

Story Summery: Till was ready to die. There is no way he could win this. Except he did. Or in this story, Ivan lives, and the lesbians save them. Like they should be in the first place. I am looking at you, Hyuna.

Chapter Summery: The aftermath of the hospital incident. Hyuna talks some sense to Till. 

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #alien stage fanfic #alien stage #alien stage ivantill #alien stage round 6 #alien stage ivan #alien stage till

[i-am-cesear]

Holy shit i was going to share a post about how i updated my fic but Shoto just posted half of his face on twitter and instagram and he is indeed not bald and one beautiful beautiful man, i forgot my own name for a second no fucking way this guy is bi and not rizzing anyone up

#shxtou #vtuber #no fucking way #this guy is so pretty #uki was right #ok cesear

[i-am-cesear]

Hi there. My exam is over, so I wrote the next chapter of my Ivantill story. Here it is.

Name: In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen

Chapter: 5/?

Chapter name: You're In The House, I'm In The Car

Story Summary: Till was ready to die. There is no way he could win this. Except he did. Or in this story, Ivan lives, and the lesbians save them. Like they should be in the first place. I am looking at you, Hyuna.

Chapter Summary: Till and Mizi go to a hospital to steal things. While on a mission like that, they encounter a difficulty that causes Till to lose a little bit of blood. 

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #ok cesear #alien stage fanfic #alien stage ivan #alien stage till #alien stage #ivantill #alien stage ivantill

[i-am-cesear]

Fuck, I am so nervous. I hate math so much.

#ok cesear

[i-am-cesear]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man

[i-am-cesear]

I updated my Ivantill fic, In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen. Please wish me luck for my exam this week-end

Name: In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen

Fandom: Alien Stage

Ship: IvanTill

Chapters: 4/?

Story Summary: Till was ready to die. There is no way he could win this. Except he did. Or in this story, Ivan lives, and the lesbians save them. Like they should be in the first place. I am looking at you, Hyuna.

Chapter Summary: Till realizes that no one really takes care of Ivan and decides that it would be best to take care of him instead of sitting there and watching him move an inch like a pervert. Hyuna comes to him with a job he will do with Mizi the next day.

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #alien stage #alien stage till #alien stage ivan #alien stage round 6 #alien stage fanfic

[i-am-cesear]

So, guess what. I finished part 3 and I cried so much that I thought I will puke my lungs out. What the fuck.

JJBA Part 3 Spoilers

What do you mean Avdol died. Who will be next, freakin' Kakyoin???

#jjba #jjba part 3 #jjba kakyoin #i mean i knew it #and i thought i was ready for it #but mf made a ceasar move #and you know ceasar is my favorite twink #it hurt me so badly

[i-am-cesear]

not to go all cringe on main but fictional characters have genuinely helped me through some of the worst shit in my life n i’ll forever be grateful to fiction for giving me comfort when i’ve needed it most

#every time i get severly depressed #i think about bokuto koutarou #and say #“what if bokuto was alive and see you like this?” #“would you making him proud?” #and i apply this to my other favorite fictional characters as well #“you hate your writing huh?” #“would yumeno gentaro approve this attitude?” #be a person that would make them proud #and this idea genuinly changed my life

[i-am-cesear]

I updated my Ivantill fic, In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen because I am an irresponsible adult and I write gay man instead of studying math. Don't be like Cesear.

Name: In Your Gaze Where I'm Seen

Fandom: Alien Stage

Ship: Ivan/Till

Story Summary: Till was ready to die. There is no way he could win this. Except he did. Or in this story, Ivan lives, and the lesbians save them. Like they should be in the first place. I am looking at you, Hyuna.

Chapter Summary: Mizi takes Till to a safe house, saying that Ivan was alive and they took him there as well. Till has so many questions to ask, but when he sees Ivan again, he understands that he needs to wait to get all the answers. More likely, he is just too clueless about everything. 

#ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #ao3fic #alien stage #alien stage till #alien stage ivan #alien stage round 6 #ivan lives #but can you call this living?