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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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Happy Times

Over the past few months, I've had the wonderful privilege to be the Maid Of Honor For my dear cousin we'll call Therese. Therese is one of those women that is always eager to give and never get back. I vowed to do my best to make this the easiest wedding for her and her new husband we'll call Nate. Along the way there were of course some challenges. Some people involved did want to take over and make it about themselves, but who's to say that this scenario isn't a regular in the wedding category? Regardless, the couple was very happy with the turnout and things panned out better than expected. The couple had known each other growing up as kids and went to school together. Nate had feelings for her for a long time and supposedly she rejected his first request to date her. Eventually he did ask her out again and they agreed to start dating and had been for a year and a half when he finally popped the question. They were married recently in July and have started their lives as newlyweds this year of 2022. Being a single myself, there was the issue of coming across the family matchmakers which was easily avoided when the person they tried to set me up with had the hots for my sister. Her relationship at the time was on the rocks and she was keeping her options open. I may be inexperienced at dating (given my 1 ex track record), but the question did cross my mind of,

How the person knew they were the one?

Therese (bride): "Everything just felt so simple. My worries were suddenly gone, and for the first time, I was happier than I've ever been. He gets me, I get him. It just works."

Nate (groom): "Honestly, I knew that she was going to be my wife when I met her. I thought, that I was going to do whatever it takes to be her husband. I was lucky enough to win her over."

Bryant: "I was in a relationship when I met my wife. I just had some voice in my head tell me she was the one. I thought that was impossible since I was already with someone, but as luck would have it, I was wrong. Then we hit it off and I popped the question."

MJ: "You feel this magnetic pull toward them, silence is comfortable... Time passes really quickly because you just enjoy being with them. Even their quirks and ideocracies are sort of endearing, and you want to be a better person because of them."

Rebecca: "I always used to hear, 'you just know' and I always thought that was a load of bull. Like, that doesn't make any sense. How do you just know? Now, I get it. You feel it in your bones, you feel absolute certainty, every fiber of your body and soul wants them forever. You have no doubt in your mind, and everything screams 'Yes! This is the one!' You just know."

Ian: "I can't stop smiling. My cheeks hurts every time I think of her. Oh, you probably text her awhile back and everyone wondered who it was from. At the time she was just my best friend. Someone no one met before and yeah she's not from around here as well I met her in Hawaii but she's the most beautiful intelligent woman second to you mom. (laughs) You know you're always be the first in my world mama and for you pops I think you gave me a fist bump as soon as you saw her."

Mom: "I could tell. Being with your dad was not like being with any of the other guys I dated. He was so sweet and so attentive. Being away from him was like the saddest thing you could think of. When he got back, it was the happiest day of my life again."

Truth be told, I couldn't help but feel a sense of repetition, from the people I spoke to, but it all just came down to You Just Know. Is it really as simple when you're out in the wild looking and hitting a dead end? For folks, regardless of orientation, some of us feel like we'll never stop looking, or that no matter where we look it's always in the wrong place. Boy it can't get any easier. I wise someone once said; that if we stopped looking, then the person we are looking for will appear at the right time in the right place. I can't quite recall this person's name, but sometimes I wonder if they're right? If all we do is spend time looking endlessly for someone because we're afraid of being alone for all eternity, there's a lot to miss. Who has time to miss out? It's easy to get caught up in the anxieties of loneliness and go ballistic trying to fix it. I told myself, that I'm going to take a break from worrying and just figure out what's best for me while I'm not tied down. Although I don't need a man, it wouldn't hurt to look sometimes. And can I tell you that when I was out with my girl, did we happen to land on some serious eye candy. That, however, is another story for another time. So my luvvies, shine bright, take care of yourselves, and as always Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#singles #how to be single #sex and the city #beauty #blog post #dating #much love #carrie bradshaw #2022 #wedding #weddingday #brides #groom #weddingdress

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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Challenges

Short post today. You know the sayings that start with "When life gets you down"? It's a term of phrase used to tell someone to look on the bright side. This is something that has been rather challenging lately. Not only are things going the wrong way personally but these things could be affecting my romantic life as well. I've found that perhaps my constant lack of relationships is due to the fact that I don't exactly have time to go out and date as I please. Recently, I've been struggling financially and am barely making the rent due to a serious lack of cooperation at my workplace. If I were permitted to work more hours, this wouldn't be an issue. I'm not really the sort of person to offload all of my troubles, so I'll spare you from the little details. In summary, as perfect as my life may seem, it's really not. With the skyrocketing gas prices and the amount of gas getting from point A to point B, it isn't easy living with the option of either getting gas or groceries each paycheck. I've been employed at my current workplace for well about a year and I received a whopping 2% raise mid-April. I really enjoy this job but if it doesn't pay the bills then it's time to start working elsewhere. Life being messy can call into question whether or not dating is a good idea at the moment. I really need to sort out my problems before letting someone else into my life, at least not fully. Perhaps I need to lighten the load to free up some space in my life.

All isn't bad though. My biggest worry about rent getting raised was put to rest when I found out that it was only $25. I could have been working for less and the place I'm in could have been pricier than it actually is. Needless to say, things could be worse off than they are, and I'm thankful that they aren't. My good friend who we refer to as Hannah for privacy reasons, is also in the same boat as I am. This dazzling blue-haired beauty is struggling with the fact that she hardly has the time for relationships outside of her career as an accountant. She works two jobs and lives with a close friend so the rent is divided equally among herself and her friend, including her friend's spouse. As I mentioned before, University is not as forgiving on our wallets as community college was, so she too struggles to pay the bills. At this point for the both of us, being in a relationship is completely pointless. Having someone would perhaps distract from the troubles of today, but it feels nearly impossible to be able to go out and do things. We have been on the brink of quitting an attempt at getting our bachelors and just getting a full time job at our current work places. Total slump right now, but perhaps it will turn out? Our relatives and friend circles have been chanting that phrase since last fall. It's starting to sound like a séance. For now, here's to Hoping.

#how to be single #singles #sex and the city #beauty #blog post #dating #much love #carrie bradshaw #2022

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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New Posting Days!

Hello Luvvies!

I've had to take a few weeks off for medical reasons but rest assured there will be more posts coming soon. How To Survive Being Single will be posted on Wednesdays from here on. I hope to see you then, as always: Stay safe and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#sex and the city #singles #how to be single #beauty #blog post #dating #much love #carrie bradshaw #2022

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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Toxicity

I think I mentioned a while back that I was in a toxic relationship. Back in 2019, I entered my first relationship in my entire life. He had the most generic name and for privacy reasons, we will call him John. As cliche as it is, we both met on a dating app and started talking for two weeks. Your typical teenage-style messaging on Snapchat with regular conversations emerged. It was a good time talking about art and working hard. He was 28 at the time and I was 23. Mind that the age gap did bother me a little but I was willing to give it a shot. Due to my lack of dating experiences, this also made me a little naive to how quickly things escalated. After those two weeks, we decided to go on a date. The plan was to go out to eat and catch a movie at the local drive-in. All the red flags were there. Seeing as how this was nothing like the guy who a few months before took me to his house, this was going much more smoothly than my experience with him. More on that later. He picked me up and to no surprise asked if he needed to come to the door. I'll have you know that I'm from Texas, in this particular town I was in men were shall I say challenged on the front of chivalry. This should have been the first red flag, again bear with me. After we took off, he initiated the conversation to break the tension. I myself am not the best conversationalist, so for me, this was fine. Our stop was Cheddars which was seemingly packed, so we stopped at a Chinese buffet just down the road. The food was terrible, but it was nice talking to him. After we left, we hit the drive-in that I paid for (red flag 2) and he dropped me off around 1. He was a gentleman and wanted another date sometime but yes, looking back now, I should've ended it there.

Another week and another blindly accepted date that took place on my sister's (now ex-boyfriend's) birthday. He met me at my house and I stupidly made him breakfast. The day ended with a nonconsensual kiss on the playground at a park where the party was. I never knew what a kiss was meant to feel like. I assumed my fear of saliva and anything relating to mucus had something to do with it but for some reason, the strongest urge to puke and pass out hit me hard. I played it off and made the excuse that I needed to be home early and texting was there. That night we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was told "It's okay to kiss on the second date." and "Most people are in relationships by then." by people who definitely have more experiences than I have. I'm not one to hold grudges, but it seems rather cruel to just assume I know the warning signs the first few times. I later learned that they only wanted me to be happy which called to question if I really appear that sad to people. Conversations over the phone about our next date started to arise along with topics about taking 11-hour trips to the redwood forest alone next summer. After three days, I started to notice a pattern in his speech and messages that were oddly familiar. I'm sure some of you are familiar with the: "I love you! You're wonderful!" next to, "You should really come over to my house. I'm lonely." and then, "I'm such a terrible person for trying to pressure you. You shouldn't date me anymore." Something my good male friend knew all too well of. His first on and off relationship was with a girl that dated three guys at the same time including him. The speech pattern was the same along with the constant worry of his six female friends. I needed a man's perspective on the situation, and who better to trust than him?

We'll call my friend Ron for privacy reasons. Ron and I had our usual hang out after a night at home with my new boyfriend. I confided in him that I was unsure what to do. His knowledge of relationships was similar to mine given his first toxic relationship and his second short relationship that wasn't. I was beginning to question if I was naive or just scared. I handed Ron my phone and he skimmed over the messages carefully. After about half an hour of careful reading, he looked me dead in the eyes and looked as if he just witnessed a murder. His words were: "I'll be brutally honest, this guy gives me vibes that he wants to mess you up. He's trying to play his cards right and get you to sleep with him. If you don't there's no telling if he's going to take what he wants anyway. Sounds a lot like my ex." My heart sunk deep into my stomach as I started to realize all the warning signs. I know one thing for sure, if some sources won't give it to you straight, you can always rely on someone else. We then went into deeper conversations about how his first ex. I won't specify details since, but I'll keep it discreet. She tried to make him do things he didn't want to in terrible places. My heart broke hearing his words. From my layman's perspective, I had only seen that she was dating other guys alongside him, but knowing that he could relate and trust me enough to confide in that delicate information was comforting. I wasn't going crazy and I wasn't scared, rather correct to be a skeptic of my first and now obviously Toxic relationship. This conversation then made me wonder that toxicity can be defined as something that makes you sick but besides Rob's and my experiences, what exactly is defined as a Toxic Relationship?

Sera: "You have been put through an emotional rollercoaster by him, and he has caused you pain, confusion, and stress. This is a clear sign that he doesn't love you or care for you. It is not because of anything you did, but you should move on now, and cut ties."

Chris: "Intense love. Passionate sex. Deep conversations. Lots of crying. Lots of fighting. A pregnancy scare. A fiery breakup induced by social media. Months of games following the breakup. A painful goodbye."

Rebecca: "When your gut feeling is always telling you that something doesn’t feel right, but you can never put your finger on why. you feel physically sick all of the time for seemingly no reason at all, you start to crave being away from them more and more, being with them feels exhausting, like you’re walking on eggshells with them, the thought of a future with them makes you more anxious than excited and they hold you to unrealistic expectations. There's a lot to it really."

Franklin: "In almost all toxic relationships, there will usually be one person trying to exert control, and one person trying to assert boundaries to resist that control. Of course, human beings are complicated, and there can be both things happening in both directions. But generally, at least in my observation, the arrow of control is much more prominent in one direction. Another common element in intimate partner abuse is gaslighting—attempting to overwrite another person’s own subjective experiences or memories with your own 'that's not what you feel,' 'that's not what you think,' etc."

Ankita: "You are behaving differently with them than what you are in front of your family/close friends, and always being compared with another woman or man, especially for your physical appearance. You are not allowed to look into their phone. No, this isn’t about privacy. Making love is all about their mood. They tell you what to do and don’t want to listen to you and you can't make friends or hang out with old friends. They also judge your friends on the basis of gender. You can’t call an opposite gender a friend."

I was shocked to hear that people had a lot to say on this particular subject. This inspired me to do some digging on how many people have fallen victim to this harsh reality. Disturbing as it is, I found that 82% of Americans have been or are still in toxic relationships. It's a hard idea to follow, but knowing that Rob and I aren't alone. Has anyone here also had similar experiences? If so, you too are not alone, and it's always good to confide in someone if the reader feels that they might be experiencing or have once some time ago. Before this turns into an infomercial, I thought I'd share one last story with you. My younger sister has been in a series of these and is thankfully no longer in contact with the men of the past. There was the rockstar that didn't take no for an answer. The playboy who thought he could have many women and the downer that needed constant attention or he'd do something drastic. Many similar situations like the above mentioned happened to her in many of her previous relationships more often than not. I unfortunately should have paid more attention to these scenarios and could have done better to aid her and avoid this myself. She is thankfully in a better relationship with someone that treats her better and has a marriage planned. This is no secret to her either, he did tell her very early on in their relationship and is working on personal problems before popping the question. The plan is to surprise her. I just hope he's ready for how difficult that will be. She is pretty observant and pieces things together rather quickly. In the long run, what I've learned from my and others' experiences. This was definitely a learning experience and I can be sure that neither my friends nor myself will not to make those same mistakes again. For now, hope your weekends are going great. As always Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#sex and the city #singles #beauty #how to be single #blog post #dating #much love #carrie bradshaw #2022 #winter 2022 #february

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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To Flower or Not To Flower?

Recently, I've been asked a question all people come across in life. "If you've only had one boyfriend all your life, are you a virgin?" Since this blog has nothing to hide, I'll answer your question. Yes, yes I am. There's no shame whether you are or aren't. I'm waiting for when I'm comfortable to give all of myself to the lucky fellow. I am a woman with high standards, like many there's nothing wrong with that. I do often get picked on for being a prude and too picky, but by today's standards, it's hard to find your like orientation in the dating game. My type is a straight male, preferably older than me by a year or two that knows where he's going in life. I'd like a man who like me, doesn't need someone in his life but isn't afraid to look anyway. Let's just say... my gaydar has never worked and I have fallen head over heels for people who have little to no interest in girls a few times. Naturally, we've become good friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope we all find our other halves soon. If I do happen across a straight male, we have no problem hitting it off, but automatic relationships aren't my thing. I'm definitely a fan of the dapper man in a suit but it can really be hit or miss. The norm is; he wants a girl with lots of steam but acts like she has never been in a relationship. Trust me when I say there IS NO in between! Believe me, being yourself isn't even an option anymore. Not to mention, that you either fall into one category or the other by complete default. The issue I've often heard is "We're Either Too Pure or Complete Sluts".

Since I hide nothing here yes, I am a virgin. Seeing as my lack of lasting and/or the initiation of relationships has been unsuccessful, it should be no surprise that my sexual encounters should be the same. Before anyone asks, this is NOT an open advertisement that I see lots of people flaunting on tv. I feel that it is necessary to inform my audience of my status to better connect them should they have similar situations. For some reason, there's just something about us that is imperfect. No matter how hard we try and put in the effort we're still not good enough. There's a song I came across just the other day by Bella Poarch called Build A B**** that perfectly describes the predicament so many face. I'd like to believe that this song and Not Your Barbie Girl by Ava Max are anthems for singles, particularly this time of year. No wonder it can be difficult for people to share in a connective experience when everything we never seems to be just right. Much like the lyrics "you don't get to pick and choose different a** or bigger boobs if my eyes are brown or blue..." what is it about these standards that make dating impossible in today's day and age? I have a condition called Amenorrhea that allows me to have baby smooth skin and lack of "visits from Aunt Sally". Not all is good there since it obliterates my chances of having children and can lead to ovarian cancer later in life. Ironically, lots of guys have told me that they wish women didn't menstruate and were baby smooth. (Apologies for TMI) Ideally, some could say that I'm every man's dream though it is far from the truth. I am very much lacking in the upper body department which can sometimes cause me to be mistaken for a male when my hair is covered. When it comes down to sex and the appeal, is it better the first time or when one is experienced? Here's what people had to say;

Anonymous: "The first time I had sex was one of the most amazing things that have ever happened to me. It was wonderful, memorable, and a great part of a loving relationship. Depending on the different types there are there can be many first times, so I guess first time is great."

Anne: "First time. In my opinion sex for a woman for the first time is a good hurt. That’s an oxymoron, but that’s exactly how it feels. It is the best hurt your body can ever endure. Everyone remembers their first time having sex and who they did it with like the back of their hand."

Bob: "The guy should remember this time is especially for her. Her comfort and relaxed state are of primary importance. Go slow and don't rush in, and make sure she's completely warmed up. Can't say it's any different the first time or the hundredth time on our end, so no."

Lynn: "Something I don't want to remember. It was basically about him, it was basically over. No."

Winston: "Not at all like in the books. Women are uncontrollable and it's hard to enjoy yourself if she's wanting everything her way. Then it's super awkward when you see each other naked for the first time. More experience is better. It's the first time that can scar you."

Anonymous: "Definitely the first time! It was different and we both loved it. I was her first and she was mine, we've been together since before then. I'm glad she was pleased with me."

I'm guessing from the mixed opinions it depends on the person. According to my blue-haired bestie, it's better when both people are definitely in the right mindset and are willing to work with each other. For someone younger than me, she's never been a more down-to-earth person that'll give it to you straight. One thing's for sure after a long explanation of her experiences in the process, I'm definitely going to her for advice. The two of us lonely hearts obviously wanted to escape the many couples in our lives and hang out. Normally we work endlessly and tirelessly at our day jobs on Valentine's Day and have our Annual Anti-Valentine's party the following night. This year, we were both off early and decided to spend the night out on the town. We went to Chili's and got the drink of the month followed by some tipsy skee ball at Dave and Busters. It was fun working off the booze with three hours of arcade games. We're trying to win a frozen margarita maker that we obviously could buy on amazon for practically nothing, but what's the fun in that? $70 on arcade games over a few months is more entertaining and it lets us build up tickets and quality time that we've been lacking. Our male friend was, unfortunately, working a double that night and his usual the following day, so he couldn't kill zombies with us, but there's always next year. On the bright side, he didn't miss a pinata smash since there was a substantial lack of funds for one this year. I'm willing to bet that next year will be epic whether or not there is hope for the three of us.

For now, instead of having a wild romantic night like most of our families and friends, there is the Anti-Valentines party each year. To give you some insight, here's what our typical night of events looks like:

A playlist of tracks involving hurt, or messy breakups (for laughs)

Lots of drinks and food

The profane poster to write insults on and sign

More drinking and games (out in town with Uber/Lyft or at home)

Unleash our aggressions on a heart-shaped pinata

*TRUCKLOAD OF DISCOUNTED CHOCOLATE*

Time to talk and heal on all the dirty details

A movie to fall asleep to

A morning to relax from the hangovers

There's lots of fun to take your mind off of things so you're not thinking about how lonely you are. Believe us, we know how it feels. We all hang out over drinks and some fun to take a break from the most depressing time of year. This sort of thing happens even outside of the holidays. Sometimes you just need a good cry, something my male friend says often. He couldn't be more right. Truth be told, even he's gotten closer to intimacy than I ever could. One of his ex-girlfriends nearly got down and dirty with him in a family bathroom. I suppose in the heat of the moment anything will do so long as it's private. I'd like to think that when my special moment arrives it'll be the most eye-opening experience ever. My male friend pictures himself married and having a platonic experience with his future wife. My female friend had her first time as a teenager and describes it much like how it happens in a teen movie. I always picture myself in my apartment on a beautiful day but for some reason, I'm incredibly pissed off at my partner. They both joke that I'm secretly wanting a fiery relationship and that I'd wear the pants in the relationship. Somehow their confidence in my intimate skills are a little higher than mine are. When the topic changes from him attempting to toss me, that's when it gets a little interesting. I guess my Aikido skills are better than I thought for them to think that. When it comes down to it, I'll be sure not to let loose too many details. I'll leave the audience with that. For now, keep believing, and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#sex and the city #singles #carrie bradshaw #how to be single #virginity #early twenties #relationship #tumblr #blog post #romance #antivalentinesday #die romantic #im not okay

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!

#singles #how to be single #blog post #dating #much love #valentines #vday #valentines 2022 #happy valentines #valentinesday #anti valentines #die romantic #im not okay

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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Do Stars Align?

Ah, compatibility. Whether you use the Numerology, The Chinese, or Astrological zodiacs a common question lies with all of them; do they really work? Yes, we're going there today! From my experience as a Libra lady, I tend to run into a lot of Capricorns, Leos, and Virgos in dating. Astrologically I am not compatible with them and I am a firm believer of why. Not going to lie, I was a skeptic at first seeing as my parents are totally wrong for each other, but have been married for 25 years this coming December. Congrats mom and dad! My Virgo little brother dated another Virgo that went up in total smoke, and my Taurus sister dated many, many Leos and a few Sagittarius that also ended in total disaster. Glad to say now that she is in a very happy relationship with the man of her dreams. Not going to lie, this guy is absolutely perfect for her as she is for him, astrologically perfect as well. He is a Pisces and their charted characteristics and values reach a top peak that I'm a little envious of, but happy nonetheless. With my little brother in mind, I can't say that I'm the sole singleton in my family. It does give us something to relate to, but there is the slight tension that one of his ex-girlfriends is a very dear friend of mine. The one in fact that I may be married to the way things are heading. Things aren't quite there and we'd like to keep it that way. Since our incompatible signs didn't add up with our ex's there is a strong relationship between my uncle and his girlfriend.

My Leo Uncle found his match of another Leo woman and have been happily together for a few years with marriage on the mind. So far things are going well for them. My little brother is still having problems looking for his love as are my best friends besides myself. Before you ask, my friends are a Virgo and a Libra. My Libra friend dated a Capricorn and a Cancer and neither of them worked out and his two ex-girlfriends are happily married and engaged to their matched zodiacs. According to astrology, Libra's matches are Geminis, Pisces, Leos, Aquarius, and Sagittarius. The infamous single relationship I was in was with a Cancer which lasted a whopping one week due to his incredibly toxic nature. If you're reading this I hope you understand NO MEANS NO and it should be left at that. My other almost relationship was with an Aries. The summary was that he "wasn't looking for a relationship right now" after HE asked me out and ghosted me for a month after two weeks of dating. He's started dating someone else a month later. The weird part was seeing him at a bar on one of my friend's birthdays. My flirtation radar might be a little broken, but it wasn't hard to pick up the intensity of the signals he was throwing out. The thing that scared me was realizing how much I still wanted him. At that time, we hadn't spoken or seen one another in two years. In my gut, I could tell he wanted me for all the wrong reasons. That was a fire I needed least to be burned with. Though the two relationships I was involved in were not astrologically compatible, I have liked a few Leos growing up but they always got away before I got the chance to let them know how I felt. I'm not giving up just yet, I do know that whoever my other half is, might still be waiting for me and feels the way I do. In this week's topic, I asked some people if they thought a match made in heaven was real or just a daydream?

Karen: "As an astrologist of 15 years, yes. Though I can't say it's something for everyone."

Natalie: "On the surface, it’s fatalist, narcissistic, and very thinly veiled personality tests with loose associations to psychological conditions. It screams of pseudoscience and glossy magazines. Deeper though, and when studied with methodology and diligence, it brings into question your place in the universe, the condition of free will, and an understanding of humanity; it makes me believe that physics does have an influence on my constitution."

Gene: "I think they are fun!! It's like taking the "what's your personality?" quiz, and every time I read up something about my sun sign, I go 'woooooooh that's soooo me!'"

Robert: "Well, for one thing, I see a great deal of misinformation and just plain stupid stuff on Quora about Sun signs. My guess is that there are two main sources of this trivia: One, young people who never have had the time or the inclination to go beyond Mass media junk. Two, older and seemingly educated people who still only know about Mass media junk about Sun signs. I suspect that Astrology takes too much effort to learn. And, I have to admit, if you are intellectually lazy, you should probably stay away from this complex subject."

(Anonymous): "I am a Capricorn according to astrology. And I am kind of a moody person, mostly melancholic. and hardworking when I really love something. Also, I don't talk much when among people I am not comfortable with-only my best friends know my goofy side. Does that make astrology accurate? I am afraid, no. I have never been obsessed with ambition, discipline, or money, nor am I serious round-the-clock. Though in general Linda Goodman seems to have nailed it, the Capricorn traits do not describe me quite so well. Now astrologers may argue that the Moon Sign and Rising Sign are to account for a person's unique traits, but it is just an explanation. I believe, astrology may be right on a very generalized level and can never write off a person as one of the 12 personalities of the Zodiac. So enjoy it for fun, but don't take it too seriously. Everyone is unique in their own right and should not be stereotyped..."

Gerry: "I approach them from a Jungian perspective, which is to say that I believe they are of value because of the meanings we have filled them with for long enough for those meanings to have become embedded into the collective unconscious. So if I draw up my horoscope I’m using it more like a mandala than a predictive device."

Did you know that at least 90% of Americans believe in astrology and it's accuracy? I did a bit of research and was surprised to find this number along with the great number of matchmakers that use this method. It's interesting how people (particularly us singles) are interested in this particular method of not only dating advice but daily life. My read for this week was: "A burst of confidence and energy makes it easier to pursue bold wellness goals in the beginning of the week. Although you might want to do everything from stepping up your workouts to eating cleaner and meditating more, and anything you want to achieve is possible, you’ll do well to zero in on the aims you feel most passionate about. Later, you might turn your focus to a big-picture professional desire. You know it's going to take a lot of work to fulfill and in the face of what you feel compelled to lean on loved ones for their support. Explain just how important the end game is to you and they'll get on board." I can't argue myself with the frightening accuracy of how my week went. I used to be so paranoid that I was subconsciously following what the charts said when I read my weekly before my week started. I started checking in near the end of the week and the surprising details had me marked to a "T". I guess you could say that I believe them to be accurate anyhow. Should I see a matchmaker and see how it turns out and provide the down and dirty details of if it's actually worth doing? Let me know!

Regarding my parents, I did kind of skim over the fact that they do argue quite a lot and have a tendency to set each other off more often than not. All differences aside they still make it work and love one another unconditionally. Tricky as it may be, even if the stars don't align, it's still possible and my folks are living proof. I suppose another way to look at this particular duo is how much they were really willing to put aside their differences and Make It Work. Something that really made them think was a quiz I found that caused some debate. I've put it below to see if any of my followers would like to give it a shot.

Quiz:

What is your favorite animal?

Mom: "Sea Turtle!"

Dad: "American Bald Eagle."

Me: "Bunny."

What is your second favorite animal?

Mom: "Elephant-!"

Dad: "Wolf."

Me: "Fox."

How do you view the ocean?

Mom: "Ahhhhhh~!" (Loves the ocean)

Dad: "..." (The expression on his face was worth a thousand words. He's terrified of the ocean.)

Me: "Intimidating."

How do you see the dark?

Mom: "Scary"

Dad: "Quiet and pleasant."

Me: "Peaceful."

Answer 1: How you see yourself.

Answer 2: How you see your partner/crush.

Answer 3: How you see love.

Answer 4: How you see death.

It isn't hard to see their differences and it isn't hard easier to see how even without thinking about it how well they think of one another. I myself had realized with my last (and first) relationship how toxic that it was. Not only that but it made me realize I might be attracted to my predator. The things we learn make us question what we're looking for in a partner. Foxes are playful and family-oriented while being shy and timid. That doesn't sound half bad either. The last one threw both my dad and me for a loop since we both are terrified of death, or at least we thought we were. Although I can't look at just the bad either. Does anyone dare to let me know their answers? Have a good week and stay safe. As always Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#much love #singles #beauty #sex and the city #how to be single #blog post #dating #carrie bradshaw #2022 #valentine #valentinesday #valentines

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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Picky

Hello, Darlings of every shade and gender!

It is that time of the week again! Here's one that's been on my mind lately that I'm fairly certain we have all heard before. It goes: "You're so picky and you wonder why you're single?" This seems to be at the top of the deck at nearly every social event. Over the holidays, I once more was handed that guilt card when the common subject emerged of why I was the only one still not in a relationship. The fact of the matter in the hetero norm is that hetero men have gotten increasingly lazy over the years. As a child, I was brought up with the expectation that men would open doors for me or just call because they were thinking about me. I imagined answering the telephone on my nightstand just to hear my boyfriend say "Hi." and carrying on that fun conversation of whatever couples talk about. Now I'd consider myself lucky if the well-dressed gentleman is as eager to spend time away from the mirror or off the couch. Is it me or have roles been swapped since 2005? All I'm asking for is a drinking buddy that doesn't overdo it, who is self-conscious in a good way, and just wants to be next to me for the sake of being next to me. We don't even have to cuddle, hold hands, or even talk, we could be on opposite ends of the couch minding our own business and I'd be perfectly content. Not to say that I like to be ignored, but is it so wrong to want someone to occupy space with?

I mentioned those things to my family members and lo and behold my standards were too high. Funny how when we ask for a person who wasn't raised under a rock in the basement like most hetero men my age (mid-20s) it's asking for the royal treatment. I explained that if I were to be picky then my ideal man would be a 6 ft minimum Irish Gemini man with dark hair and light eyes. Please note that an over-the-top spiel of the "modern Mr. Darcy" is far from what I expect out of a man. We could live in a tree fort for all I care and I'd be perfectly content. I'm the kind of person that likes to be alone, I love the quiet and cozy feeling of solitude, but I can't say that being lonely doesn't happen. I'd like to be alone in the quiet with someone else if it makes sense? Does anyone else feel that same way? that you could be alone either because you already are, but that having someone just be there in the same house, just breathing the same air would make it be much better. Pet's are one thing, but another person is a whole other ballpark. Despite some of the things pets take care of, you can't quite hold a deep conversation with, let alone receive a verbal response from a Yorkie. I asked some people this week if they preferred being alone or alone with someone else.

Matthew: There are only two possible scenarios wherein I’d be single again: divorce or death. I’d rather not think about either of those. If my wife dies before me, I’m going to be pissed. I find comfort in the fact that, as the husband and father, statistically, of everyone in my house at this moment, I’m the most likely to die first. Good. I’m sick of outliving loved ones.

Tara: Depends on the day. Every day you decide to love your partner and your life through the good, bad, and ugly. It can be a struggle, or you're the luckiest person in the world.

Dee: I've been dating someone or the other from the age of 16, and for the first time in 6 years I'm single, and let me sum up the past six months for you! In the last six months, I had over 40 hot chocolate sessions with myself on how to improve myself as a person so that the next time someone dumps me; He doesn't have a stupid excuse to throw at my face while leaving and be honest.

John: Relationships. She's gonna hate me for saying this, but I know where she's been and I don't want anyone else to f**k.

Greg: When you're not pressured into it, it's nice to have someone around. Yeah.

Paula: Here's the thing about being around someone, it's not a fairy tale. People always assume they're going to stay in a honeymoon phase. Not true. People fight a lot, and that's reality.

Laura: Relationships but only when you remember there are times when you won't feel love for your partner. You never want to lose respect for them because when you do, it never comes back.

Dave: I like being myself, and that's all I need out of life.

Ah, inconclusive answers. If there's one thing I've learned there was a great divide and there will always be one. Truth be told, I love living alone myself. There's no one to bother me. I go most of the day in complete silence until mental issues kick in and that's where it gets complicated. I did some soul searching and found that my ideal partner would enjoy the silence much like I do. That and experience from my previous roommates taught me that there's time to get along even with someone that's more adventurous than you. One liked her mornings quiet, and the other couldn't stand breakfast without blaring his music. I have close ties with both of them, but if I were being honest I'm leaning more on the quiet cup of tea with toast kind of start. There was definitely room for negotiation, but as problematic situations progressed I was happy the lease ended when it did. Sometimes to really find out about a person, you have to live with them. That made me think back on the people I spoke to earlier. I'm certain that all of their experiences came from their experiences of being around someone for long periods of time.

I guess the real conclusion of all of their statements is that like me, they had to have time to find themselves. Grant it that neither of the people I lived with was romantically involved, but if I wasn't able to tolerate their natural habits with my own then I have a lot more work ahead of myself before I can let someone into my life. Realistically that's what they were all saying in different ways and they couldn't be more right. I read an article about mental health once over a topic on how someone's bedroom can tell a lot about what a person's current mindset is. As embarrassed as I am to admit, I'll keep no secrets here. My life is a complete disaster! If our bedrooms represent the mental state we're in, I'm pretty hopeless at this point. I moved in three months ago and the majority of my moving boxes are still unopened. It's about the same in the rest of my apartment. Naturally, life has this tendency of getting in the way like any other living organism. Be that as it may, I can set burnout aside for one moment and take the time to deep clean not only to clear the clutter in my living space but the clutter in my head as well. That's one step for independence, and perhaps soon another step towards a better year. For now, let's better ourselves. Take a look around, how messy is your space? If there's a common problem among us singles, our heads are filled with lots of things.

Worry, stress from work or school, lingering burnout, feeling alone, feeling pressured to be better for the ones we love. It's time to clear it all away. Personally, I find it pretty stimulating to clean my apartment once a week. I've been slacking a bit lately and it's time to pull myself out of it while I've got the time and remove some of those boxes! I can't promise that cleaning up my life will bring a better turnout of the dreaded Valentine's season, but at least there's the comfort that despite being alone I'm not completely alone. There's always my annual Anti-Valentine's party to look forward to, but that's another addition to a topic for another week. Stay safe, and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#singles #sex and the city #how to be single #blog post #dating #much love #beauty #new year 2022 #queue up the mic

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 2 years

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It's been a while and since beginning this blog, I happened to go on hiatus shortly afterward. I have lived with my folks since childhood and had only just moved out last October. Seeing as my lease end was coming up soon among many other life changes, it became rather hard to blog. I moved from my first apartment and had gone through two roommates in the process making me realize that perhaps living alone wasn't so bad. Despite the glorious pocket change I accumulated from paying half the rent, things weren't all that good around my friends. There were certain things that one misunderstands upon living with friends. Hidden secrets that are best left far, far away from you pertaining to housekeeping that I wish I had never learned. In summary, we're eating takeout when I go to visit.

There was also the issue of the neighbors, if you follow my other social media accounts, you'll understand why and I am grateful that I now live upstairs so those "noises" will no longer be above my head. My new apartment has neighbors that are noisy here too as you will find in many places alike, but your regular stomping and door slamming compared to the weekend marathon of 10 seconds as we named him. My only wish is for a pantry as these units were previously dorms, so they're small and inexpensive, the area is relatively quiet. I did manage to buy a small shelving unit to place on my counter that separates the living from the kitchen. My next purchase will be glass containers to give a chic look to my dried goods. I have some gold wire baskets that will give a pop of color and compliment it well. Moved uptown recently and the lack of gas mileage is quite the pro in my defense. I had spent nearly $100 a month driving to and from work since it was square on the other side of town. Seeing as I prefer to cook meals, the budget expense for takeout wouldn't be a problem. Saving money is always a plus.

That being said, I'll have to pinch every penny if I want to buy Christmas presents. My family does an annual Secret Santa Giveaway to make things easier on everyone. The amount of guests for the holidays seems to multiply yearly and buying a gift per guest can be quite the hassle. My family isn't the largest per se, but since my sister's new boyfriend has a rather large family, the amount of chair space will have to be a vast one this time. There is no budget since the members are family, friends and significant others. It is nearly Mid November as you all know and the moving expenses are settling in, so there is a chance that I will focus less on finishing my apartment layout and side projects so that I can afford not only gifts, but travel expenses. The years seem to be getting worse as they progress, so here's to hoping that the dawn of 2022 will be the end of it. Let's hope this trail of bad luck will bring a little bit of good luck in the romance department. Kind of crazy that my star sign is ruled by Venus and my luck on love hasn't been all that great.

Still there is hope for a better year and a less lonely valentines for me and my friends even though some of us aren't in good terms as of late. For now I will promise more frequent updates and as we ease into the holiday season, I'll sit back and relax with a cup of cocoa with wine and some holiday films to watch in my new living space. I'll leave you with some of my picks below. A good portion of these are animated, but we're all children about this time of year so cheers, and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

Christmas Movie Picks:

Santa Clause Is Coming To Town

Frosty The Snowman

Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer

The Year Without A Santa Clause

The Little Drummer Boy

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Unaccompanied Minors

Annabelle's Wish

A Christmas Carol animated 1971

The Holidate

Home Alone 1 & 2

The Nutcracker 1990

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Elf

A Miracle On 34th Street 1947

Deck the Halls

Krampus

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Buster and Chauncey's Silent Night

Mrs. Miracle

The Polar Express

White Christmas

Going My Way

This Christmas

While You Were Sleeping

#how to be single #singles #sex and the city #blog post #2021 #dating #much love #beauty #christmas #movies #films #favorite movies #love this movie

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 3 years

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I Do, Do I?

If you follow my regular blog that I rarely post on, you'll know that my heterosexual roomie proposed to me. The thing is, we're both hetero females that decided that instead of getting married by 50 at the rate we're going, we may as well. The amount of benefits married couples get while they're still in college is ridiculous. We have friends that live a town away that are both married since they graduated high school and the amount of money they were able to save landed them a cozy four-bedroom house. Sounds too good to be true, and believe me I wish it were. I am still attending my local university myself trying to double major, as is my roommate. We both have multiple jobs to support our apartment but with expenses, we're borderline broke. There's enough to get by, that being said when classes start is where the trouble begins. Marriage is looking pretty tempting right now. Is it really all it's cracked out to be? Here are the details I've heard so far; You get generous financial aid meaning starving is less likely, Married life is less expensive which is less cost of living in an apartment or house, Mutual motivation from your spouse (depends but mine's fine), and it prepares you for what marriage is actually like.

In Short, my maybe wife and I will pay less for college, less for housing, have that emotional support most people lack, and get a taste of what being married to a man is like (sort of). The bargain is that if we actually go through with this, we'll still date men as we please and if we're in an actual relationship and the guy proposes we get a divorce. Imagine your maid of honor is your ex-wife? There's more humor to it. He picks you up for a date and she's watching tv. Before you go, "Bye Honey!", or she gets the door for you and introduces herself as your actual married wife. The situation is so complex that I'm actually near writing a book about it. Here's where I advertise my Finding Mr. Darcy book trilogy that's in the works. If there's one thing I know about, it's being single. I'm the Carrie Bradshaw of singles instead of sex, that is if I can even claim that title. I asked my friend if he thought being married had all the perks and he said this; "It's a pipedream trying to trap singles into thinking life is better with someone else. True as that last statement maybe, the rest is not. The idea is that after marriage it's time to settle down. You move into a cottage in the plains, wide-open spaces where all the little kids can run around. Your husband comes back from work and the two of you snuggle in bed without a care, it's bullshit. Girls and I mean girls are too high maintenance now that you've got to give them everything they want or it's no deal. Hell, you're even lucky to find a woman who actually wants to care for you as much as herself. Total pipedream, and waste in this century."

That was the first time I had ever heard him speak so hopelessly about love. I expected an answer like "No, true love is out there somewhere." as he often said, but this was not the case at all. Either he was in a really bad mood that day, or I don't know my best friend like I thought I did. The next day, I decided to take a look at married couples in the workplace, by workplace, I mean my job in digital services. From what I was seeing was a lot of arguing. Either the man would be on the computer and the woman was nagging on him the whole time or the woman was on the computer and the man was making her feel like she was stupid. If both parties were separate, the wife would call every ten minutes to ask meaningless questions, or the wife was present with two or more hyper kids. It was hard for them to get anything done with or without their spouse present. I also decided to take a look at single parents and the closest one was my sister. In 2019, she got pregnant with my nephew by her boyfriend Will. She had him in march of 2020, so he's about a year old and beginning to get used to his legs. When she's home, she's stressed from being home from work, and on her off days, she's stressed with her son's rambunctious behavior. Our mother watches him when she's working her ten-hour shifts and leaves the rest to her when she gets back. Pretty soon it'll just be my sister and her kid when mom moves down south of the US. Both can verify that he's quite the handful and with my experience, he is. That doesn't mean I love him any less, but my share of babysitting isn't any easier.

The situation is mutual whether you're married or not with kids. Stress with a side of stress and exhaustion. Putting kids aside, I've seen couples without kids like my maybe wife's other best friend. Things seem all prim and proper when they come to visit, but according to her, they still manage to argue almost on a daily. My coworkers feel the same way about marriage life even when I had explained my situation. They continued to urge me to take things into careful consideration before jumping head into marriage. I kept getting negative answers from people despite my search to find some hope for the situation. Then the question crossed my mind; despite the fairytale images given to us in childhood, is it really worth the trouble of getting married?

Julie: "It always ends in tears. Someone leaves, someone dies, or you get a divorce."

Varsha: "So long as they compliment you. You need support from both parties for it to work."

Denny: "It depends. You don't need a man or woman to support you all the way, you can do fine just being single. My wife and I are great, but I'd be just as fine alone."

Enzo: "No. All odds are against you in the long run. The woman finds someone else to bug and takes half of everything."

Annie: "It's more of a want than a need. The best thing is not to be pressured into it if you're not 100% into it."

Vinny: "Only if you're ready and trust each other all the way."

Marcus: "The question you should be asking is if friendship is worth it. That's what it really comes down to."

Lori: "It can be fulfilling despite the fear of failure."

The answers kept leading me in circles and in the end, I wound up back where I started. It was a total toss-up of whether you got heads or tails, but I wasn't about to give in that easily. I decided to take my venture to a baseball game on Friday and what I saw there nearly startled me. A couple of 65 years renewed their vows at the stadium. I started to think that maybe all it did take was a bit of compromise and despite half the negativity from my interview and friends there really is someone for everyone. Perhaps the divorced people just haven't found the right person just yet. Like my grandmother on my mother's side, she married four men before she met my grandfather and they've been together almost fifty years. I guess you could say it was a task of trial and error, but it worked out in the long run. Neither of them has ever had a reason to want to divorce. Before I leave questions unanswered, yes my grandfather too also had his share of divorces. The numbers don't seem to matter, only the fact that there really could be someone out there for everyone. A glimmer of hope to end this rather late and brief update. I wonder if there really is hope, is there still time for we singles of every shade and orientation. Is there truly that soulmate we all long for somewhere besides where we are? Until next time and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#sex and the city #singles #carrie bradshaw #tumblr #romance #couple #lovers #relationship #blog post #july 2021

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 3 years

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Does Confidence = Consequence?

Just last Tuesday, I was asking myself the same question when some geezer opened the door for me on my way into the dollar store. His comment was "Nice horns", sad enough it didn't end there. I had almost finished my shopping when he stepped in the same aisle as me making every petty, fake excuse to inch his way closer to me. He even used lines like "Whoops, passed the socks." and "Do I know you from some dating site?" Even in line, he kept trying to harass me, and then our idea popped into my mind. I looked him dead in the eye and said with a smile; "You do know I'm gay right?" I may receive a lot of hate for this escape routine, but it did manage to fend him off for a spell, that is until the lady in front of me said "Good job, I'll use that one!" He spun his head around and kept trying to make a move on me. Thankfully lady and her boyfriend in line behind me were generous enough to help. He stood blocking the aisle to ensure the man didn't lay a finger on me. I thanked them after we exited the store and hurried to my car. I know it's a bit of a topic to bring on an argument, but when your brain is in panic mode the craziest things slide into your brain and out of your mouth. I am enrolled in Aikido for self-defense purposes, but only one month of the class doesn't qualify me for defending myself just yet. Sensei says I'm too tense, but with time that'll fade. Honestly, I could've defended myself had it come down to it, but I indeed froze, and explaining that to him was a bit of a pill. He did however encourage me to work harder and remember how scared. He says that way I'll perform better in class and in real life. I guess I didn't help the situation any with my dress being short. I, like many, am not completely confident in my whole figure. I feel that my torso could use some work but the rest of me is great particularly my legs. This dress did show a lot of legs and made me feel confident until that point in the day where grandpa showed up. It covered my torso, and butt pretty well, but my legs looked especially good in it with a pair of low heels. I'm positively certain that hetero women like myself struggle with this issue, but I wonder if my people from all genders feel this way. Did you also use a really bad escape in a fight or flight incident?

Alexis: "I used a period excuse to get out of a bad date. Does that count?"

Michael: "A guy kept following me as I went shopping and I told him my boyfriend was waiting outside for me and pointed at a random guy. I'm asexual."

Jessie: "Sometimes, faking you have to go to the bathroom works. Just make sure it's one with people in it."

Kesley: "At bars, I get harassed a lot, I always order an 'angel shot'. That's a secret code that tips off the bartender and lets them know someone is bothering you."

Travis: "I've been harassed by girls before and it wasn't fun. She's a coworker of mine that doesn't take 'no' lightly. I told her I already had a date."

How sad is it that the things that make us feel confident can instantly turn into a bitter situation with the wrong people? All I showed were my legs, and that situation made me want to burn that dress to ash. Does being confident really come at a cost? Tuesday did show me that in some cases, it definitely does. The woman in front of me, who blew my cover, was a senior citizen. Her praising comment didn't aid me in any way but brought to my attention that people of her generation still get the same kind of treatment, which I'm sure is no different for younger generations either. On various social media platforms besides this one, I've noticed a challenge where someone says; "What would you do if all the men went away?" I've noticed lots of people classifying as female said similar things like going for a walk alone, wearing whatever they wanted, eating as much as they wanted without judgment, etc. They make many men sound like animals, and I'm starting to think they're not half wrong. This whole week I've noticed wandering eyes from various places outside the dollar store. The grocery store, restaurants, church, the pharmacy, the mall, even just strolling through the park. It feels like people are undressing me with their eyes. Nowhere is safe! Men are the carnivorous beasts and we are the main course. Just when I was starting to feel unsafe everywhere, I remembered the sole man aside from my father that didn't look at me that way, my best friend.

Now I know what you're thinking, having a male best friend means he's gay, or he secretly likes me. The answer is no. Most teen dramas or movies want you to think that a man and woman who are best friends are the two answers above or friends with benefits. We do go back since junior year of high school, where everyone called him gay and I was the sad emo chic. He asked me out to see the homecoming game since he was late to too many band practices, at the time no one wanted to date me and my older brother put him up to it. He did kind of like me at the time, I didn't know him aside from drama, so I gave him a chance. We had fun but decided we didn't see each other that way and have been friends since. All the other people we knew from school sort of left the two of us and since then we've grown protective of one another and have been in separate relationships when we can find them. In public, I call him my brother in front of pretty girls, so no one thinks we're a couple. In all my years I'd never imagined my best friend being a straight man. We take good care of the other and encourage them to get out and do things. Most of the time, he drags me on terrifying rollercoasters and I try to get him to eat new foods. What is it with men and eating nothing but meat and soda? We're out of town working a convention this weekend. Perhaps I should've slipped broccoli in his lunch so he'd never know.

That doesn't bother me nearly as much as seeing how lonely he is. He's never done anything to me and we have the movie marathons to prove it. But his last relationship went up in smoke when his girlfriend broke it off saying she didn't love him as much as she thought. She wanted to take a break from dating or something but started dating this other guy right away. After a few months, they were engaged and the wedding has been on hold since the fiasco of 2020. They're still friends and they hang out in a group nearly once a month, but every time he goes home he looks distraught. Why is it that the sweetest of people are given the least amount of love when the earlier mentioned jerks are getting all the action? In our case, we both decided we didn't see each other that way, but unless men are a bit of an asshole women don't want them. I don't know about you, but I'd like a man to open a door for me out of courtesy without comments like "Nice horns". Looking at my friend day-to-day reminded me that not all men are bad, but perhaps the hetero women aren't the best either. Maybe they're just as big of jerks as men are at times. It makes me wonder if men get uncomfortable with any comments from women? If confidence equals consequence on both sides, then everyone loses. If that was the case, perhaps we're all a little sheepish making us no different from anybody else, and that's pretty crazy. Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#much love #how to be single #june 2021 #dating #singles #sex and the city #beauty

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 3 years

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Hello Darlings,

Despite having only started this blog at the beginning of this month, I have failed to update the last two weeks due to medical reasons. Rest assured that there will be an update later to day as scheduled! Much love your way!

#how to be single #singles #online blind dates #dating #sex and the city #beauty #blog post

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 3 years

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Standards

From personal experiences, it seems like an impossible quest to measure up to someone’s standards. Some people find it a total deal-breaker, and others could care less. For folk who fall under the female related category standards seem to be everywhere! Looks are the most common from dress code to attitude to body shape, the model woman for girls, gays and theys are practically impossible in the world we live in. Today society is trying to label itself as an all accepting modern world. There are ads that are finally including various ethnicities, LGBTQIA+ members and body types. Realistically, however, when someone walks out in public, they get judged on these three aspects. It's absolutely ridiculous when high end stores make matters worse.

I have a beautiful friend who is hispanic and both plus size and part of pride. She goes to the mall on a regular and hits up all of her favorite stores that I will leave anonymous for various reasons, and immidiately gets judged based on her orientation and race. Not to mention, when going in for those bragged about plus size pieces, what was once an XL is a 3X or bigger. I personally fit in a women's medium and shop in the same stores and can't fit into anything smaller than an XL, and can't imagine the amount of shame they must feel just to go shopping every weekend.

For all genders, pronouns, racial backgrounds, etc. being skinny and supermodel gorgeous is pretty superficial. In my interview this week, I wanted to study what it was that was do or die by today's rule book. The only remaining question was; "What standards are necessary in both society and relationships?"

Antonio: "Everyone sees what's on the phone and that's what they expect, that's what ruins it. Lack of communication, especially being deep in social media now adays."

Donell: "Respect. Treating others how you want to be treated."

Vanessa: "People are rude now. No one is kind anymore, everyone judges you for what you're not. We need to get our kindness back."

Kennedy & Abby: "We have an image of ourselves. Like, I totally wanna wear that but I'm not a size 2. I'm not a tall skinny blonde, and I feel like, if you don't look like the poster girls, you're not the standard of perfection."

Dalton: "Honesty and loyalty, that's what we need anyway."

Jerry: "I don't think is has to do with appearances, I think it depends on your individual perspective. I think society as a whole, there isn't a specific one thing. It just depends on the person."

Lisa: "Communication, it's both good and bad. The right kind of communication will ensure success, the wrong kind, like being judgemental and mean will destroy it-just- tear it apart. And loyalty, if you're not loyal, you're not a good communicator."

Idealy, everyone pictures what a perfect world would be like. No shaming on race or image or sexual orientation, just a world without hate or standards. It kind of made me wonder if my standards or someone else's are what's keeping us from being in relationships? You figure the bullying would end when you graduate from high school. Having graduated years ago, I hit quite the brick wall In my college career when I found out that all that stuff that happens would continue. Is it the same in work places, at clubs, going on vacation? As the dating game continues, it seems like the rules get more strict and even so by the time someone comes along you're still not good enough. Before the world shut down I had a few dates, and each one was pretty straight forward on what they wanted that they never even stopped to ask how I felt. In a way, the right communication would work, that is unless you're preaching to the deaf.

Of course, it can't be that bad right? At least that's what I thought until this afternoon. I went to the mall with my best friend today to get a good blanket before we head out of town this next weekend, and as we were exiting the building to find my car, three girls stopped to size me up. It's saturday so I was wearing an over sized tee and shorts, and my hair was pulled back in a slightly messy ponytail. They were in cute summer dresses and had designer bags and sunglasses on. In that split second it managed to tear my confidence into little shreds. They were tall skinny blondes. Sound familliar? Regardless, I went about my day and chose to ignore what they thought of me. I don't care to know either. In conclusion, I am a firm believer of go out and have fun! Fuck what the idiots say and feel confident in the way you are regardless of what the rest of society want's you to be. What are my standards you may be wondering? A good chat with a side of Irish scotch and a cigarette. Ciao for now Darlings and much love your way!

#much love #singles #2021 #how to be single #beauty

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