hahawishmeluck

[hahawishmeluck]

tonight when i took my meds i looked down at them maniacally, chuckled, and said out loud “you guys have really kept me kickin” before taking them

i fear that they are no longer keepin me kickin??

#just trying to be real with myself #mine #mental health #mental illness #depression #anxiety #schizophrenia #schizoposting #actually schizophrenic #schizoaffective #actually ocd #bipolar #cripplepunk #seriously schizophrenic #bipolar 2 #psychosis

[hahawishmeluck]

Elaborate fantasies of owning a wheelchair save me.

Elaborate fantasies of owning a wheelchair?

Save me elaborate fantasies of owning a wheelchair.

#i need a wheelchair so fucking badly #cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

chronic illness is so fucking annoying because what do you mean I was completely fine and able to do tons of work yesterday with no problem but today I can't even stand up from bed without feeling like I might collapse. like what do you MEAN

#cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

Me when the illness is making me feel ill and the chronic pain is chronic and painful and the disability is disabling me and the fatigue is making me feel fatigued: 🥲

#cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

i got a walker and a support worker! i need a wheelchair- the little walking i do each day (i wfh) wipes me out with intense fatigue and pain by noon. trying to learn how to not use all my energy in the morning when im excited to have it.

FND is a mindfuck, man. the catatonia. the pain. the seizures all day long. the leg weakness. the falling.

i can’t take a shower without someone checking in on me regularly to make sure i haven’t had an episode in the shower. i have a shower chair too.

idk it’s all just a lot and it feels like it happened all at once even though i don’t think it has. it’s just reached a point.

anyway, you’re not alone, this disease is wild, and consider mobility aids if you need them :)

#cripplepunk #fnd #fnd awareness #functional neurological disorder #non epileptic seizures #psychogenic non epileptic seizures #disability #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #mine #cripple punk

[hahawishmeluck]

FND stands for Fucking Nonsense Disorder

#fnd #cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

I hate when my body reaches the enough-is-enough stage like wdym I can't just continue this self destructive spiral where I keep using energy I don't have??

#cripplepunk #this speaks to me so strongly

[hahawishmeluck]

shout out to those of us who spend all summer inside with the AC blasting and somehow our bodies still know it’s hot out

Oh cool it's summer. Or as I like to call it my yearly 4 and a half month flare up.

#cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

If I could talk to myself four years ago I’d say it’s okay. It’s okay that you’re disabled. It’s okay that you’re going to need mobility aids for the rest of your life. It’s okay that you can’t do things other people can. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to call out ableism. It’s okay that you’ll never be “acceptable” as a disabled person. It’s okay to be a cripple.

Accepting your disability takes time. It’s okay.

#cripplepunk #i needed this

[hahawishmeluck]

I think the reason why people want to know what's "wrong" with disabled people is because they want to reassure themselves.

They want you to say you were in a horrific accident or that you have a well known and treatable disease because they think they can stop it happening to them.

They think their health is a given because they aren't a dangerous driver/ an alcoholic/a drug user/obese/an unhealthy eater etc. Obviously this isn't true but it's easier for them to think of it like that.

Until one day they meet someone who did nothing. They're not really asking "what's wrong with you". They're asking "what went wrong" because they think they can avoid it.

So when they meet someone who made all the right choices, who was healthy, who was safe and one day woke up sick and never got better, it scares them because some part of them realises that it could happen to them.

They can exercise and eat a balanced diet and be as careful as possible and it doesn't do a thing and they can't do a thing about it. That terrifies able bodied people.

People like to look for something or someone to blame and they hate it when there's nothing there.

#disability

[hahawishmeluck]

i bring a “having a verbal shutdown and having to have therapy over text” kind of vibe to the function

#mine #autistic #autism #actually autistic #selective mutism #audhd #actually audhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #sorry if any of these tags are offensive or outdated please feel free to bring it to my attention if so #therapy

[hahawishmeluck]

Some of us can’t recover!!!! We will never be 100% sane!!!! Get it through your head that we deserve love and support too!!!!

#mad liberation

[hahawishmeluck]

disabled people who can't drive no one understands us

abled people don't understand the idea that you just...can't drive! that we have to rely on public transit or other people just to leave our houses! it's an isolating feeling, especially when you have to go through applications just to use the disabled transit programs.

my mom's been trying to convince me to drive again, I was practicing around covid time and ended up giving up because we couldn't find time and I was tired of it. but now she keeps going "oh but you drove in the past!!" and blocking my explanations of why I don't want to.

but this isn't meant to be a vent, it's to support my point.

I told her I'm photosensitive and her response was that she is too but it's "gotten better with age" which sure, but if I can't keep my eyes open as a passenger, do we really want me on the road? if I have a neurological condition that makes my feet freeze up, do we want me to use the pedals? and don't even suggest hand controls, my hands are even worse. and god forbid I learn to drive and then don't get medically approved to drive.

but for some reason, these are seen as excuses.

so if you've ever gone through this, i completely understand and get it. i don't enjoy relying on others but it's what we have to do.

#disability #i used to love driving so much but i will just never be able to drive again #just one extra way i’m relying on everyone around me #not in a self pitying way #it just is the reality of being so disabled #cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

Harm reduction includes alcohol free adult spaces

#harm reduction

[hahawishmeluck]

i wanna say fuck you to anyone who shame disabled, chronically ill & neurodivergent people, especially homebound folks, for "spending too much time on their phone/on the internet/etc." when it's the only (Somewhat) accessible way for them to experience the world. many people don't get to get out much even if they want to because of their disabilities. shaming someone for trying to connect with the world, make friends and engage with hobbies in ways that are accessible to them is beyond cruel and unnecessary

#cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

I'm so cripplepilled, im disabledmaxxing as we speak, I've got that chronic pain rizz and that mobility aid swag

#cripplepunk

[hahawishmeluck]

See: the last post I reblogged, the concept of a "healthy" relationship has always eluded me. Maybe it relates to my autism and I process relationships differently than other people, but what is colloquially labeled healthy has always seemed so lonely for me

I can't really have friends I keep at an arm's lenght. There are three states of neutral/positive relationships for me:

I don't really care

They're cool I guess

They're my favourite person in the whole world and I'd die for them

I'm pretty sure it's just the way I work and others have something more between 2 and 3, but I don't.

I often joke about "if it's not mutually obsessive devotion I don't want it" but sometimes I wonder how true a statement that is for me. I always find myself unable to connect to people.

The only friend I have that doesn't make me feel lonely is the one that somehow managed to weasel her way between 2 and 3. She's close enough that I'm not indifferent and actively seek her company, but not close enough that her lack of true understanding for the way I work makes me upset

And what I might seek in a relationship (see above) would most definitely not be considered "healthy" by the arbitrary standarts that classification runs on

So, yeah. If it's not mutually obsessive devotion, I don't want it

#autism #mad liberation #literally i’m the same way you’re either an integral part of my life or i don’t think about you