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occasional posts from users

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I'm Tired.

I see how they view you

Always so awed

While I’m pushed to the side

Forget how it’s me always talking

It’s me that always tries 

And I hate that you constantly mock

How I often cry

When I see who you are

And how you act

A part of me dies

What is so hard?

Why are you often sharp?

Can you just stop cutting through me?

Can you just see that I’m a human that makes mistakes?

That maybe, just maybe, i will never be as fucking good as you?

You act like you’re brave and you say that I’m weak

And if not with words it’s by that condescending way you speak

Yet explain why you are the run who runs away?

I want to be perfect

I want to be fucking perfect

Good and kind

I wish I was like you

I wish I didn’t love like you

I wish I had no heart like you

I wish I was cold like you

All I really wanted was your kindness

All I really wanted was one good word

I wanted to be enough

You blame me for seeking more

But why are you never happy with me?

I’m sorry that I got your blood on my hands

Do I even care?

You were happy 

You dared

You were willing to leave me to die

Our relationship is a lie

I want to be perfect

I want to be fucking perfect

Good and kind

I wish I was like you

I wish I didn’t love like you

I wish I had no heart like you

I wish I was cold like you

I guess now that you’re gone all of that is true

To them I am perfect

I am the one

I don’t love you (you didn't love me that much anyway)

I have no heart because you burnt it all up

Now I’m cold like you

@liketwoswansinbalance

I did it. I went in a totally different direction but I did it. I'll come out with an explanation behind the lyrics later.

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Marlene Dietrich is detained at a train station in Paris in 1933 for violating the ban on women wearing trousers.

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why are french people rude?

Ah well, the safest explanation when an entire country’s people are stereotyped as rude is that they have their own culture with different criteria for politeness than the ones you are used to. It’s probably easier for Americans to forget this than for the rest of the world, because they consume less foreign media than the rest of us (from literature in translation to foreign films) and are less exposed to aspects of foreign cultures that could inform them about different norms of politeness (online interactions happen in their own language and follow their own (anglo) social codes.) With this insular worldview it’s easy to take it for granted that American good manners are universal. They are not!

A very common gripe against American tourists in Paris is that they talk so loudly in public spaces, which is definitely rude here but I assume that in the US, people just have a different threshold for what constitutes ‘loud’ (I wonder if it is due to being used to having more space than Europeans). I also remember a discussion I had with one of my translation professors about the American concept of ‘active listening’ and how negatively it is perceived in France. It may be that in the US it is polite to make ‘listening noises’ at regular intervals while someone is speaking to you, ‘uh huh’, ‘right’, ‘yeah’, ‘really?’, and that you would perceive someone who just stands there silently as disinterested or thinking about something else. In France it is more polite to shut up and listen (with the occasional nod or ‘mmh’) and it’s rather seen as annoying and rude to make a bunch of useless noise while someone is speaking.

There are of course countless examples like that. The infamous rude waiters in Parisian cafés probably seem a lot more rude and cold to people who have a different food culture… People from other cultures might consider a waiter terrible at his job if he doesn’t frequently check on them to make sure they don’t wait for anything, but the idea that a meal is a pleasant experience rather than just a way to feed yourself (esp when eating out) means we like having time to chat and just enjoy our table for a while, so we don’t mind as much waiting to order or for the next course. French people would typically hate if an overzealous waiter took the initiative to bring the note once we’re done with our meal so we don’t have to wait for it, as it would be interpreted as “you’re done, now get out of my restaurant.”

The level of formality required to be seen as polite is quite high in France, which might contribute to French people being seen as rude by people with a more casual culture. To continue with waiters, even in casual cafés they will address clients with the formal you and conversely, and won’t pretend to be your friend (the fact that we don’t have the American tip culture also means they don’t feel the need to ingratiate themselves to you.) I remember being alarmed when a waitress in New York introduced herself and asked how I was doing. “She’s giving me her first name? What… am I supposed to with it? Use it?” It gave me some insight on why Americans might consider French waiters rude or sullen! It might also be more accepted outside of France to customise your dish—my brother worked as a waiter and often had to say “That won’t be possible” about alterations to a dish that he knew wouldn’t fly with the chef, to foreign tourists who were stunned and angry to hear that, and probably brought home a negative opinion of French waiters. In France where the sentiment in most restaurants is more “respect the chef’s skill” than “the customer is king”, people are more likely to be apologetic if they ask for alterations (beyond basic stuff) as you can quickly be seen as rude, even by the people you are eating with. 

And I remember reading on a website for learning English that the polite answer to “How are you?” is “I’m fine, thank you!” because it’s rude to burden someone you aren’t close to with your problems. In my corner of the French countryside the polite thing to do is to complain about some minor trouble, because saying everything is going great is perceived negatively, as boasting, and also as a standoffish reply that kind of shuts down the conversation, while grumbling about some problem everyone can relate to will keep it going. (French people love grumbling as a positive bonding activity!)

Basically, before you settle on the conclusion that people from a different place are collectively rude, consider that if you travel there and scrupulously follow your own culture’s social code of good manners, you might be completely unaware that you are being perceived as obnoxious, rude or unfriendly yourself simply because your behaviour clashes with what is expected by locals.

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Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important

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As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That's called "living in a society"

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"

And that's a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing

#recovery #relationships #violence tw #suicide threats tw #suicide tw #abuse tw #reblogging kat share stuff

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I...tried to make a meme and got carried away and made A Thing that is like partially unfinished because i spent like 3 hours on it and then got tired.

I think this is mostly scientifically accurate but truth be told, there seems to be relatively little research on succession in regards to lawns specifically (as opposed to like, pastures). I am not exaggerating how bad they are for biodiversity though—recent research has referred to them as "ecological deserts."

Feel free to repost, no need for credit

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the pretend plot of bg3: you've gotta get these tadpoles out and stop a giant floating brain with delusions of grandeur

the real plot of bg3: in order to date us (the party) you must defeat our seven evil exes: a half-demon warlock patron, the literal goddess of magic, a vampiric lord, an insane cult leader , an archdemon, the goddess of darkness, and finally, the Trauma

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Stained Glass Karlach - by Jian Guo, shared by Samantha Béart on twitter.

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Tp write about later

As a rule, the shorter a skill is, the more dangerous it is. You’ve never used yours. You were scared of what a single word could do.

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are certain lubes better suited for vaginal or anal sex? or are they all the same?

hi anon,

water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based lube are all suitable for either vaginal or anal sex. many people prefer silicone-based lubricants for anal sex because it's so long-lasting and durable, which is helpful when you're working with an orifice that won't naturally lubricate itself. oil-based lubricants are also a no-go with latex condoms, which is relevant for both vaginal and anal sex. beyond that it's all a matter of personal preference!

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i was in the library and the lights went out and i whispered “dark academia” and only one person laughed but ive been having a bad enough week that it felt like a win so cheers

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Coming back to tumblr after many many years… :) Hello again!

#digimon #wizardmon #tailmon #digimonadventure #fanart #lenafranzz #lena franzz #gatomon

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this might be because I’m a family law lawyer and also an old crone who remembers when marriage equality wasn’t a thing (as in, marriage equality only became nation-wide two months before I went to law school), but I have Strong Feelings about the right to marry and all the legal benefits that come with it

like I’m all for living in sin until someone says they don’t want to get married because it’s ~too permanent~ and in the same breath start talking about having kids or buying a house with their significant other. then I turn into a 90-year-old passive-aggressive church grandma who keeps pointedly asking when the wedding is. “yes, a divorce is very sad and stressful, but so is BEING HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ENTITLED TO EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF MARITAL PROPERTY, CAROLINE!”