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If you don't mind me asking, what ARE the right codewords to use on doctors and such?

I’ve thought, many times, about writing a book or something that was basically How To Negotiate Your Disability Without Curling Into A Ball And Weeping More Than Once Or Twice A Week *Or* Murdering The Entire Universe (More Than Once Or Twice A Week).

Here are some highlights:

1) On acquiring adequate pain medication.

Never actually say “I really need strong drugs here doctor, because the drugs you and every other doctor gave me for this injury/illness didn’t work, and also I’ve been in pain for years and I’d like that to stop.”

While there are some doctors who speak human languages and will understand what you’re saying, most, when you say that, will hear:

“I am a ravening junkie werekaiju, and I will come to your house and EAT YOUR BABIES IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME HEROIN.”

You think I’m kidding? Watch a healthcare professional’s eyes when someone else says something like the following. Watch them shut down and back away and tighten up and generally stop treating the person like a human. So what do you say?

Try this:

“Well, I hate these drugs that make me *stupid*, you know? One of these so-called doctors — they gave me some pill that made me feel like I was on a whole separate planet for *years*, but I was still in pain! I have things to *do*, doctor. I have a job/family/projects. I wouldn’t be here if I could get my work done the way I am now, but if I can’t do them with the drugs you give me, then what’s the point?”

Make sure to translate this into the appropriate dialect for your area, but note the important points:

a) Reassures the doctor that you’re not one of those ~*eeevil*~ junkies.b) Reassures the doctor that you’re not one of those ~*eeevil*~ non-productive members of society.

c) Reassures the doctor that you’re not one of those ~*eeevil*~ weak-willed disabled people.

Remember not to use too *much* *correct* medical jargon — they get suspicious about that.

Yes, all of this is necessary a *lot* of the time.

With the above code, 95% of the time the doctors begin *cooing* at me and treating me like *royalty* — and *100%* of the time I have gotten the effective medication.

Pro-tip: If you can add a true (or true-sounding) story about how much you *hate* one *particular* opiate (“Percocet is useless! All it does is make me stupid!”), then you’re probably in the bag.

2) Acquiring mobility devices.

Never actually say “I need a walker/wheelchair/scooter, because I have trouble getting around, and also I have a great deal of fatigue and pain when I try to do so.”

While some healthcare professionals speak human languages and have souls… well. A lot of them? Will hear this:

“I am a fat, lazy, Fatty McFatFat, and I will continue to expand, much like the universe, until I am a drain on the resources of this great nation and a proof that you, doctor, are a failure. I will never use the mobility devices, ever, and they will gather dust in my home — a mockery of everything you, Morally Healthy Person, holds dear.”

Yes, I know this makes even less sense than the former, but I’ve interrogated these people — the ones who have still have partially-functional souls and minds — and this really is how it works in their adorable little pinheads.

They really do think we’re asking for these devices for… no reason at all.

Or, as my otherwise sane GP put it, she has an honest fear that people like us will  take one look at our new mobility devices and throw all caution — and sense — to the winds. That we’ll stop stretching and exercising. That those of us who *can* walk for short distances will — somehow! — decide to *never walk again*. That we’ll decide to — gleefully! cheerfully! blithely! — let every last one of the muscles we’ve been clinging to with our *fingernails* *atrophy* to *nothing*, because…

Because they think we’re idiots, that’s why. So, try this instead:

“I have a lot of pain and fatigue when I try to walk for any kind of distance, at all, and that’s getting in the way of my ability to have anything resembling an active life. It’s even hard to get to my doctor’s appointments sometimes! I want to do at least some of my own shopping and other errands, and go out with my friends, and at least try to hold down a job, but unless the weather is really good and I’m having a good day in other ways, it’s just not going to happen. I don’t want to stop using my cane/walker/whatever completely — and I *won’t* unless I *have* to, just like I won’t stop doing my PT and OT exercises — but I need something that will let me actually have a life.” Note the similarities to the pain management code — and yes, do make sure you put this in your own words.

But also make sure you keep everything that makes you sound like the Virtuous Handicapable Person you totally are.

Because that’s necessary.Yes, it is.Yes. It. Is. Just as it will be necessary, in many states — make sure you check — to add in this little number:

“It’s just… well, you know that I don’t really have any bladder or GI issues, doctor, but I still… sometimes… on bad mobility days… you know.”

Here’s where you look down.

“Sometimes I don’t make it… you know. In time.”

Understand that you’ll have to repeat this to, like, four different people. At least.Understand that some of them will make you get specific.

If it helps, pretend you’re Steph Brown, doing her level best to gross the everloving bejeezus out of her P.E. teacher with graphic stories about her period so she can get out of class and fight crime.

*I* certainly found that helpful.

#healthcare #pain management #mobility aids

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#dear future me i’m scheduling this to let you know #the final stretch #enjoy this cat and get on with it!! #scheduled post

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he does not wish to be held

#anime #hq #haikyuu #kozume kenma #hiatus

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Petition for every tumblr disagreement to be presented like this from now on

Bonus points for whoever points out the ignored obvious point and destroys both sides

follow forthefuns for more funny stuff

#memes #funny #batman #ace attorney

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Dabi: Everyone always says "I wouldnt wish that on my own worst enemy" Dabi: Not only would I wish it, and not only is my worst enemy my own father, but I would actively do whatever it is. Grow a spine cowards

#dabi #todoroki family #incorrect bnha quotes #mha #bnha #anime #incorrect quotes #todoroki touya

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Izuku seeing Tomura in the void isn’t enough. I need Izuku to see those memories of Tenko being mistreated and feel so fucking angry

I need Izuku to see Koutarou hitting Tenko and physically try to push Koutarou away only to remember that it’s a memory and whats happened has happened and that all this shit has been building up to Tomura’s hatred over society

I need Izuku to watch as Ujiko puts Tomura under surgery and Izuku runs to get him out of there but AGAIN its a memory and of course he knows this by now but Izuku is still REACTING instinctively, he’s still PANICKING

I need Izuku to watch those street thugs bullying poor Tenko (who, Izuku notices, is refusing to use his quirk) and then watch, in absolute horror, as Tenko puts on the disembodied hands and kills them and becomes Tomura Shigaraki

I need Izuku to watch Tenko walking the streets with blood on his hands, watch as nobody helps him (and by now Izuku knows he can’t interfere, so he’s just watching sadly as the boy moves away), watch as Tenko finally sits down under a bridge, looking dehydrated and hopeless. I need to watch as Izuku hears a voice call to little Tenko, telling him he understands, telling him he should have been helped, and Izuku is falsely thinking “finally, there’s somebody who will rescue him” until he turns and looks All For One dead in the eyes

And of course the man can’t see him, Izuku is just a spectator in this memory, but Izuku still feels a chill go down his spine. He watches in horror as Tenko is hugged by All For One, as the boy cries, as the man smiles wide, as they both walk off together, and feels such dread because this is the same child that becomes Tomura. Because a little boy so sad shouldn’t have been ignored

And it just keeps hitting Izuku over and over again that Tomura has ALWAYS been in pain and has always been hurting because of what he’s been through

Anyway. Give me the angst before the hurt/comfort

#bnha #anime #midoriya izuku #shigaraki tomura

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Hawks: I would never smoke but damn if I’ve never thought about it

#hawks is me I am hawks #i just want to cry #bnha #anime #mha #incorrect bnha quotes #bnha hawks #incorrect quotes #text post #takami keigo #bnha keigo

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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[fan-dweeb]

Mina, about a test: Do you enjoy making us suffer? Present Mic: What? No of course we- Aizawa: Yes. Especially if you cry

#mina ashido #hizashi yamada #aizawa #incorrect bnha quotes #bnha #anime #mha #incorrect quotes #text post #present mic #eraserhead

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Slightly disappointed that pi day is not trending

Happy pi day folks :P

#pi day #maths

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And the award for the most in character cosplay goes to…

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Shoto: I have years of trauma and trust issues.

Midoriya: It’s your power!

Shoto: Jk I am healed. I trust you with my life.

#mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha memes #todoroki shoto #deku #midoriya izuku #anime #incorrect bnha quotes #incorrect quotes #text post

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you know what hurts the most? bro, my back

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Izuku and Bakugo, sitting in silence:

Izuku: If at some point today, I stand up, scream ‘I can’t take it anymore,’ and jump through a closed window, don’t be surprised.

Bakugo: Don’t be surprised if I jump out after you.

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are they really “fem presenting” or do they just have boobs. are they really “masc presenting” or do they just have facial hair

#text post

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Dabi: You know, you kinda remind me of my brother

Hawks: Why? ‘Cause you think of me as family?

Dabi: No, because you’re a pain in the ass

Hawks: Only ‘cause you seemed to like it so much

Dabi: Har har

Hawks: But on that note, you kinda remind me of my father

Dabi: ,,,,,,

Hawks: You didn’t ask, but it’s because you’re both criminals who wish I didn’t exist with a passion and do everything in your power to ignore me

Dabi: What.

Dabi: WhAT??????

#innuendo #keigo angst #both in the same post? #more likely than you might think #bnha #anime #mha #incorrect bnha quotes #bnha hawks #incorrect quotes #text post #bnha dabi #dabihawks #dabi is touya #keigo x touya #touya todoroki #takami keigo

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they're wearing each other's merch :)

#LOOK AT THEM #THEYRE SO CUTE #IS THAT BAKUGO WITH A PONY TAIL #bnha #bnha fanart #bkdk #if you squint