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Ladyhawke (1985) dir. Richard Donner

#this scene #godddddd #ladyhawke

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— Dark Heir, by C.S. Pacat

#this part took me out the first time i read it #the yearning #goodbye #dark heir

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angst. so much angst.

#holy mother of god #this is sooooo good hello? #dark heir

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summer dreams

#the moment i think about the summer palace story i alway tear up #anyway breathtaking art op <3 #captive prince

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One thing in Dark Heir I absolutely adored was James's POV chapter. I think it's more than just getting inside his head or knowing his thoughts. James is a character that is pretty heavily objectified by a lot of people. Sinclair, Simon, Jannick, Kettering, sometimes even Will's internal monologue has a slightly objectifying tone (though the way he does it is mostly from a place of simple attraction and it's balanced by Will's curiosity of James's as a person), etc. James is seen as the Dark Lord's paramour and sexual possession. Because of that, James is often a character that is gazed upon. A character who has had a narrative and identity pushed on him regardless of whether that fits who he truly is or wants to be. He comes off as passive because he's the gazed upon object, and everyone else is the one who gazes.

Which is why James POV is especially refreshing. We finally get to see him fully, in his own words, as someone with agency, history, motivations, and desires outside of being the Dark Lord's paramour. I also hope Anharion gets POV chapters in the next book because I want to experience him similarly as well. I just like learning about James in his own words and his own thoughts, and I think it's integral to truly knowing who he is outside of all the narratives that abound about him.

#this #dark heir #dark heir spoilers

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instead of finishing reading the book i spent the day drawing the sarcean and anharion hair touching in the garden scene which made me feel completely normal obviously

#AAAAAAAA #*lying* #i feel so normal about them #this is gorgeous #dark heir

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Like, can we talk about the fact the Will literally threw up when he saw the collar on James? The thought that James didn't come to him on his own, that he was now under his control, caused a physical reaction in him. This to me speaks for itself.

#this #this is what makes that scene so hard for me #he never had such a raw reaction to anything #not even to katherine's death #not even to being discovered by his friends #just to this #to James not being James anymore #“He wanted what he’d had just moments ago. What James had given him. What he'd never had after all” #a sword in my heart would hurt less #dark heir #dark heir spoilers

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Also, I've finished reading Dark Heir... 😳

#this is STUNNINGG my god #anyway them <33333 #dark heir

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About narratives: the story of Sarcean, Anharion and the Collar.

Ok soooooo I finished Dark Heir and I have THOUGHTS.

This could be my delusional mind speaking BUT I firmly believe that the whole thing about the Collar and the relationship between Sarcy and Anharion depicted in the story written and established by the winners (the Lady's faction) and Gauthier is far from the truth and a lot more complex and fascinating.

More ramblings under the cut!

Putting all the hints given in DH aside for the moment (I will discuss them later) for me the biggest red flag about these narratives is the way Anharion is depicted in both.

This is a little twisted but it’s something I’ve been thinking about since DR, so let me elaborate.

In DR, the Stewards DON’T know about the Collar. James himself admits that he found out about it from Sinclair, and so the Stewards are convinced that James/Anharion had willingly betrayed the Lady’s side, becoming willingly Sarcean’s lieutenant and his lover.

Gauthier instead reveals a more twisted version of the story.

It’s clear that the two narratives are in contradiction with each other: the one told by the Lady’s faction and echoed throughout the centuries among the Stewards doesn’t include the knowledge of the Collar, and it entirely blames Anharion for his deeds and his betrayal; Gauthier’s version instead, serving for the readers as an introduction to the existence of the Collar, specifies that Anharion didn’t have any agency.

So, which version is the true one? Neither of them, because both, as it often happens in history, took the truth, and twisted it to serve its own purpose.

Let’s start with the narrative ‘written’ by the Lady.

My biggest doubt about it is why the f*ck it seems that A LOT of people outside the Hall know about the Collar. Gauthier knows about it because his ancestor was the one who stole it, but Sinclair? Let’s hypothesize that he knew about it from Kettering. Kettering knows about it because he is a Returner, so someone who was THERE, in the Old World. It’s not a stretch then to theorize that the existence of the Collar and its power was somehow known in the past.

And in DH, the presence of the chain attached to the throne in the Sun Court, where EVERYONE could see it, hypothetically ( and I underline this because I don’t trust ANYTHING of what we saw in the Undahar for it was the Sun King’s court before Sarcean’s) linked to the Collar around Anharion’s neck, makes me think that the Collar and its power weren’t such a well-kept secret.

So, the whole “the Lady’s side didn’t absolutely know about the Collar” narrative is a bit sketchy at this point. I believe someone knew at some point, so why would they iterate this version of the story, instead of depicting Anharion as a victim and blaming Sarcean for it?

Well, the answer is simple: damnatio memoriae. The version of the story known at this point had been written by the Lady’s faction, so of course her enemies are painted in the worst light possible. Anharion’s memory is, in my opinion, even more tainted by this narrative than Sarcean’s one; we don’t even know his true name. It didn’t matter that he could have had reasons for his actions: he went against the "good side" and chose the dark, the end.

This narrative is not interested in reporting the truth. Its purpose is to celebrate the Lady as a Saint figure and vilify her opponents, disregarding their reasons, their feelings, their insight of the events entirely.

So, it’s not so difficult to believe that underneath all the twists and the lies, in this version of the story there is a grain of truth; that, in a way, Anharion did betray willingly the Lady. Maybe he understood that the so righteous Lady was, in fact, not that pure and good. Maybe, at the culmination of the fight, he somehow hesitated to kill Sarcean, because he was a human being, not just a cold hearted betrayer. All factors that would of course be excluded from this narrative, for they would expose the Lady’s true face.

At this point this is all but speculations, but one thing is certain, and this takes us to the second point: it’s canon that Anharion had feelings for Sarcy. Before the Collar.

I would not call it ‘undying love’ at this point of the story, but the affection is there. Palpable, visible, corporeal in glances and words. This is, like, a HUGE revelation.

Because this proves that the narrative told by Gauthier is not the truth either!

While I believe that the Collar has some kind of power (I’ll explain this too), in the Gauthier’s version of the story, it’s clear that the emphasis on the submitting part of this power comes from the desire to possess Anharion, from the (false) conviction passed on for generations that whoever put it around his neck would master him. I suspect it consumed not only Gauthier himself, but also every member of his family who owned the Collar before him.

In the end both narratives, pushing for their own agenda, give an insight on the relationship between Sarcean and Anharion not only false but also humiliating for Anharion, for he is depicted as a selfish, cold hearted betrayer where his own agency is totally dismissed (and not even mentioned) in one, and a plaything slave of the Collar in the other.

The truth is far more complex than this, of course, and the one million dollar question about it is then: how much influence did have the Collar on the true nature of their relationship?

In these days I have read a lot of theories about this. One of my favourites is the one depicting the Collar as a mere object of fashion without any power and Anharion not only conscious but also willing the whole time and the fact that this may be hinted in the text makes me feel unhinged (if this is true, you will hear me screaming about it for years)

In my opinion, and I will believe this until I read the third book, the Collar has some kind of power on James/Anharion but not in the way it has been described so far. This is but a mere speculation for the moment, but maybe this power leans more on binding Anharion’s magic to Sarcean’s than controlling his free will or feelings. (this bit in DH is soooo interesting!!!)

I’m convinced that the Collar cannot create something that is not there and that underneath its power, it’s clear that Anharion had conflicted feelings for Sarcean, he always had, because James REMEMBERS feeling this even with the Collar:

This means those conflicted feelings are still there and are not magically morphed by the Collar into pure and simple obedience and that whatever Anharion felt was real, whatever James feels is real, contradictions and all.

We still know so little about this two at this point, and since Pacat really loves plot twists, I believe that their real story will come out in the end and that Will and James will achieve what their past selves couldn’t had, unravelling the conflicts and the misunderstandings between them, and conquering the freedom they search in each other’s arms to be just Will and James.

I had fun writing this, please feel free to give me your opinion on this!

(PS. I think I needed to specify that this whole rambling is focused on Anharion’s feelings. What about Sarcy? I believe his feelings were a deadly cocktail of desire, affection, possessiveness, admiration and horny thoughts, like the disaster babygirl he was, thanks for your attention)

#the way false narratives are utilized in this series is soooo good I could speak about this for months #Pacat your mind!!!!! #i wrote this at 2am please forgive me if you find errors #dark heir #dark heir spoilers

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stupid sexy sarcean

#babygirl #this is gorgeoussssss #Dark heir

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Even if he already knew his friends were going to face him with hatred and resentment, because since he was a child he had known only violence and disgust at the hand of his own mother, even if he was facing mortal danger and betrayal from them, until the very end Will only thought about protecting them because they were the first people in his whole life he called friends, the first people in his whole life he allowed himself to grow emotionally attached to. And even when he realized that the illusion had shattered, that even Violet, his best friend and the person he believed in and whose affection he valued the most, hated him, he still couldn't transform his hurt in resentment, he couldn't forget his affection for them because it has been maybe the only reason he had wanted to fight, to live for after Bowhill.

And when James came back to him, when Will thought there was still one single person in the world who knew the truth and didn't hate him, there was still a chance to be loved for what he truly was without secrets and lies, the hurt and the betrayal didn't matter anymore because in Will's eyes the love and the acceptance of one single person was ENOUGH to wipe the sorrow and the guilt away, it was ENOUGH for Will to not feel alone in the world anymore, because even if he had lost his friends, his mother, his sisters, Violet, he still had James.

And then he realized that he couldn't have even that, the Collar around James's neck a cruel reminder that, again, he was unlovable, that the only way a person would choose him was under constriction, and not by free will, that every single word James were saying was hollow, like his past with his mother, like the life he was going to live for the rest of his days, a hunted animal, a hated monster, a fearful unnatural thing that should not even be in the world, that should be killed for sins he didn't even commit or remember, because it didn't matter that he was Will, it didn't matter that he was a child, a lost boy. The story repeated itself, the violence and the hatred coming at him again and again, without a way out, a chance to free himself from their vicious circle. All Will had ever wanted was to be Will, a friend, a brother, a son, a lover. And what hurt the most in the end is the realization that he would never have the chance again because no one would give him one.

#i finished dark heir #i dont know what to do with my life #im feeling sick im feeling insane i want to sit on the floor and stare at the wall for the next year #no seriously the last 5 chapters destroyed me #and i haven't even processed the collar #i don't have the mental energy nor any emotional stability to do so #im going to cry again about will so excuse me #dark heir #dark heir spoilers

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Anyway, Will's struggles with identity, responsibility, acceptance of himself and yearn for love are resonating with me in the same deep, gut-wrenching way Elena Ferrante's female characters do, hope this help you to understand how much this book is consuming me.

#Less than 100 pages left to read and I’ve already sobbed my eyes out for Will so many times #He shares sooo many similarities with Lenù I want to tear my hair out and write about them at the same time #Bc both have this raw desire of belonging #of being recognized and accepted while always feeling not good enough #always feeling incapable of find their place in the world.........god #Will IS so firstborn daughter coded i cannot believe as a firstborn daughter I hadn't realized this while reading DR #Elena Greco and Will Kempen you are both very dear to me #dark heir #dark heir spoilers #dark rise

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The fact that Dark Heir takes place in Umbria, the most mystical region of Italy, and that Scheggino and the Undahar are literally located on the other side of the mountains where lived one of the most important Italian Saints AND that part of Sarcean's story somehow seems to share analogies with her story is making me FERAL

#yes i am italian yes ive been there yes i totally understand pacat bc that region is MAGICAL #i've been thinking about the connection with the spiritual side of Umbria since i realized DH was going to take place there #i probably will elaborate on this when i will finish the book but oh god this is BRILLIANT #dark heir #dark heir spoilers #dark rise

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damianos of akielos

the song of achilles, madeline miller // king rising, c.s pacat // lana del rey // pet, c.s pacat // a clash of kings, george r.r. martin // prince’s gambit, c.s pacat // tian guan ci fu, mxtx // accident report in the tall, tall weeds , ada limon

#i read the trilogy just a couple of weeks ago for the first time and #when i tell you these books RUINED me #anyway HE #the only man EVER #captive prince

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Hey, Zoro! What are you gonna wear? Something black.

#obsessed with him so much you have no idea #one piece

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Is every day gonna be this crazy with you?

#please PLEASE HE IS SOOOOO #one piece live action

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Roronoa Zoro in One Piece (2023) Episode 5

#i need him #one piece