"Evasive Maneuvers" - Part 8
Summary: You've been in love with Sebastian since the moment you knocked him on his arse on your first day. Entering your sixth year, you finally begin working up the courage to confess your feelings when he suddenly becomes the best Beater Hogwarts has seen in decades - and subsequently becomes the school's most eligible bachelor.
Author's Notes: back at it with part 8 after an extended hiatus! i'm so sorry for the angsty cliffhanger, my loves. college has been taking up most of my time, but i promise this isn't the last chapter! see you at the next one :)))
Sebastian Sallow had never considered himself undesirable, but ever since his daring rescue and subsequent placement on the Championship team his popularity skyrocketed. Several of the girls in his year had begun giggling each time they passed him in the halls between classes, and a few of them even trailed him class to class, blushing like mad. He seemed to have caught the eye of every witch, and nearly every wizard, in the castle. Every witch, that is, except the one he so desperately longed to speak to. To add insult to injury, his beloved Gryffindor was seldom seen without Garreth Weasley by her side. Garreth, who had been chosen as the Championship team’s second Beater.
When Professor Howin announced the official roster after dinner last week Sebastian was hardly surprised. Everything was going to Hell in a handbasket, and he would’ve been more shocked if she’d chosen anyone other than that smug git. He hadn’t spoken to his Gryffindor since last week. It might take time, but surely she had to understand that he was wrong for her. Even if he’d wanted to apologize to her, what would he even say? He couldn’t - wouldn’t - place her in harm’s way ever again. Despite his every effort to make amends for his actions in fifth year, there was always a voice whispering to him in the dark recesses of his mind. It mimicked her screams and promised that she would never be safe so long as he was by her side. In time Ominis, Anne, and his beloved Gryffindor had all forgiven him. But he could never forgive himself.
He was growing restless in her absence, throwing himself into his studies and pushing himself to exhaustion at every practice. He found work to be the best distraction, but even his fellow team members could sense he was nearing a breaking point.
He found himself searching for her in every corridor hoping to get her alone so that he could begin to fix things. Perhaps he could convince her that they weren’t right for each other. He could sever the thread connecting their hearts and cauterize the wound with the guilt that tormented him each night. They could remain friends, just friends, and nothing more. Sebastian told himself that it would be enough. If he could survive just having her in his life, even if it meant never having her in his arms. And every day, just before he saw her laughing with Garreth, he could almost make himself believe it.
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The worst thing about nightmares wasn’t the horrors that waited, but the inescapability of it all. For all his books and cleverness, logic was useless against the throes of his own terrified mind. A good night’s sleep was a pipe dream. After nearly an hour of tossing and turning Sebastian gave up on trying to rest and slipped away to the common room.
The cavernous hall was as empty as he expected it to be in the dead hours of early morning. The fires burned demurely in the hearths and the gentle padding of his slippers against stone was the only sound to echo back to him. He stood in the center of the main atrium facing the windows and took a deep breath. As a little boy Sebastian had hated feeling small, like he was at the mercy of everyone and everything bigger than him.
But now as he gazed up at the great vaulted ceilings he was reminded of how freeing it felt to let go. A year before his parents’ accident they’d taken a family trip to London. His most vivid memory was of the grand cathedrals they’d visited. The stone arches sloped around intricate stained glass windows reached proudly for the heavens at least a hundred feet above him. The gentle timbre of a practicing choir and the sun caressing his cheek had lulled him into a sense of peace reminiscent of falling asleep in his mother’s arms. He’d give anything to feel that small and safe and protected again.
Ever since he’d lost his parents Sebastian had been determined to keep those he cared about safe at any cost. If he had to choose between his happiness or theirs, he’d relinquish his own without question. If he was doing the right thing to keep his Gryffindor safe, then why did it cause him such agony?
The unfairness of it all seeped into his very bones and settled like lead. Sebastian wondered if the universe decided ahead of time which souls were marked to suffer. If he had been faster the night his parents collapsed in their laboratory, perhaps his family would still be together. If he’d been just a bit smarter in fifth year, perhaps he could have found a cure for his sister before resorting to torturing his best friend.
He vaguely registered the book slip from his weak grasp. It was the starting thud of the spine hitting marble that roused him from his thoughts. As he bent to retrieve the tome he heard a soft sigh from one of the couches by the fire. He wasn’t alone. Curiosity got the better of him and drew him toward the sleeping figure.
His breath hitched as he recognized the girl asleep among the velvet cushions. A faraway voice reminded him of Ominis’ passing remarks from breakfast. She and Ominis were working together on a class project by the end of the week and they would be working in the common room for a few hours. But it didn’t matter. None of it did. She was curled up on her side, hair sloped gently around her shoulders in the softest halo he’d ever seen. Her chest rose and fell and with every breath Sebastian felt himself pulled impossibly closer. He was near enough to notice the tiny shiver that sent a tremble through her frame. He realized she must be cold.
On instinct he slipped out of his robe and laid it over her. She didn’t stir when the makeshift blanket settled around her, and he didn’t want her to. Inexplicably the anxiety had drained from him. He would have given anything for her to just look at him. Weeks without her company had made him desperate. But seeing her sleeping peacefully, knowing that she was safe from harm and poachers and all else for at least one night, was enough for him.
He allowed himself to stare shamelessly, selfishly, for a moment more before quietly making his way back to his room. As he crawled beneath the covers he idly wondered if her ancient magic was what had calmed him so. It was the last thought to cross his mind before he fell into the gently arms of oblivion, free from nightmares for the first time in ages.
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