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Sleeby (Des)
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I am not out much, and I think the others prefer to ignore I exist. That’s okay, I don’t mind. I don’t.. feel the most existing anyways. I don’t feel much of anything. I’m like, personified nothing. Not really. I’m an introject, I think. There is another like me, who isn’t the same.
My emotions are very.. nonexistent. I don’t know where they are. I don’t know if I had any to begin with. Do the others have them???
I’m not sure. One of the others was making a post, I guess at some point I was just.. here.. now..
I feel like I should feel more emotion towards things. One of our friends earlier was talking about how weird it would be to not feel sad about something. I have to nod and pretend I feel anything. I don’t. I feel empty and numb. I know it’s wrong. I know I should feel sad. But I don’t. And I have no idea why.
-🔥
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CHARACTER HUB … MY AUTISM… SCREAMS. I love posting my OC stuff on there sm……
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This looks fun
🍄- we messed around. Our original name was something like “electrified gears” or “gears electric” or something. But we changed it to Something Cabinet because we are like. A cabinet of somethings. Doubles both as a cabinet you put stuff in and a like cabinet of. People. Idk. Something.
👾- can’t remember I’d have to check let me go see what we have. Maybe “snake NUH UH” because it took me longer than it should’ve to realize that was a reference to that one image
🎉- does this mean a holiday for systems or just the fav of the sys? Either way no idea. We don’t like most holidays because they’re stressful at best and traumatic at worst
🌙- we haven’t been able to figure that out, stuff’s confusinf
☕️- just kinda fade in and out ig. Uhhh non possessive. I think is the word.
💫- art. Drawing. Watching TV
💾-augh I have no idea. Maybe 25ish but we haven’t been keeping great track.
👻- internally yeah but idk if we do externally…..
🎨- yeah
🥀-idk
🦖- I think fictive ? But some r OCs so idk what that falls under
🎵- I know 🌀 likes Wet by Dazey and the Scouts as well as Waltz No. 2. ⚓️ likes Bing Bang from Lazytown annnd I’m So Excited by Le Tigre. Annnnd 🪓 likes Zydrate Anatomy.
❓- no idea. Can’t remember our last birthday though which was in December so.
🎮- we draw and watch tv and nothing more.
🪐- it’s kinda like a hotel. But like a vault. No windows
🍐- most of us but for introject reasons
🪫- uh. Watch tv or sleep
🌧️- very badly!! Except me I guess. I am realizing a pattern lately (I usually front after we are stressed)
🔦- “why tf does this voice talk to me every time Im stressed” /hj the old host didn’t curse
🌟- we r not in a job rn but I have a feeling I might end up fronting a lot lol.
🌊- me, ⚓️, 🌀, 🧩… yeah
🎁- I think . I don’t remember who but somebody got a rhino figure at a carnival game thing for one of the others.
☘️- our OCs .
💬- I’m so tired and hungry and in pain. I wanna zonk out but i cannot.
system ask meme
🍄 - how did you get your system name?
👾 - funniest out of context system quote?
🎉 - favorite system holiday?
🌙 - do you have subsystems?
☕ - what is switching like for you?
💫 - are there any hobbies you all have?
💾 - what's your headcount?
👻 - do your alters/headmates have different voices or speech patterns?
🎨 - does anyone in your system like art?
🥀 - how easily does the system split?
🦖 - is your system fictive-heavy? factive-heavy? neutral?
🎵 - what songs remind you of your alters/headmates?
❓ - how much amnesia do you experience?
🎮 - what do your alters/headmates do in their free time?
🪐 - what is headspace like for you?
🍐 - are there any non-human alters/headmates?
🪫 - what do you all do to recharge?
🌧️ - how does the system cope with stress?
🔦 - how did you discover your system?
🌟 - do any alters help out with school/work?
🌊 - who are your frequent fronters?
🎁 - have you ever bought your alters/headmates things?
☘️ - what are your introjects/fictives usually sourced from?
💬 - free space!! tell me about something!
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cw period
Period started today ………. Does this even need a warning idk LMAO but I’m out which is annoying because we have a commission to do but I’m. Well I don’t usually use the method of art that some of the others do. It isn’t that I can’t. I just am not as into it.
I’m tired. Might take a nap
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Plural culture is that one really toxic alter. DNI level toxic because she's so mean. Monitor her social media activity like a toddler.
No, Vixen, you cannot say that, we'll get in the trouble. 😔
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A lot of being a sys is spacing out and not knowing who you are but sometimes, just sometimes it is banging another part of yourself in your head /hj
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Plural culture is feeling invalid because you don't have high amnesia, but also not know what our amnesia level is so it might be higher than we think it is.
Plural culture is having shared memory but also forgetting most of what happens, though not blackouts, so we just have a consistent timeline of memory that is mostly just blank, but we all remember the same things, but also questioning if we actually share memory or we're just convinced we do
-🌕🥀
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Your favorite cat is getting fingerprints done today. Can we get a yahoo??? Going to become so careercore and jobpilled and moneypunk
-🌀
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Terrified we might be relapsing. And what hurts a lot is that we had a feeling this would happen. After our mom died we were like “well now we can get therapy and hopefully figure all our mental issues out!” Including figuring out why we were hallucinating and shit. And delusions and yadda yadda yadda lots of nonsense. But luckily most the symptoms left after she died. But we hoped to at least get some form of therapy after graduating so they wouldn’t come back. But after having to remind the dad multiple times, after like a year all he got was some lousy tele-counseling service. Which basically had a guy tell us he didn’t know how to help and not even call for the second appointment.
Since most of it stopped after our mom died (which was of cancer, which was rlly taking a toll on us) we assumed it must’ve been stress induced?
We thought we’d go back to doing school once we get mental help to prevent our mental health getting terrible again. We graduated in 2022..
These last few months we’ve been trying to get a job which has been stressful, as well as hosting an art competition thingy. It sucks because the dad acts like nothing is a big deal but it is for us. And he’d think it’s stupid that it’s causing symptoms probably. He also sees most mental disorders as a joke which just . Discourages from opening up about anything. He’d probably think we’re crazy. I guess we are.
I’m sad. I tried to prevent this I really did! But I have to be an adult, I have to get a job, I have to be stressed. That’s life I guess. I just wish I had anything to help. Anything at all.
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I invite everybody to my wedding and I’m like
“that’s my friend from elementary school”
And they’re like “Oh, hey, [middle deadname]!”
And I’m like “and that’s my friend from highschool”
“Hey [first deadname]”
And then I’m like “that’s my friend from that object camp I competed in”
“Nice to see you [random object]!”
“And those are my other internet friends”
“Hey [online name]! Congrats!”
And nobody knows what my actual name is the entire time because I don’t have one /j
#transgender#identity crisis#identity issues#osc#I don’t feel like tagging this as a system thing#because imposter syndrome
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Anybody else feel imposter syndrome everywhere they go?? (/rhetorical)
Every fandom I’m in, every family gathering, even hanging out with my immediate family. All my suspected disorders and such. Around my friends. I could tell all of my closest friends have somebody closer.
What I’d give to matter so much..
I feel unimportant.
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SCREAMS why does our art style and handwriting keep changing HELP. I DONT even think it’s sys related I think we r just incredibly inconsistent in everything.
-z
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Everybody say hi z our favorite headmate ever
I’ve found out that unfortunately most of my headmates are incredibly unhinged. I guess that’s on mental illness. I feel like I am the only one who realizes things aren’t a huge deal.
I’m using the ufo sign off .
-z 🛸
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I’m so fed up lately. I miss my lover I miss her so bad. And I know I’ll never find them. I know they don’t actually exist I guess and it hurts. I miss her. I miss her so god damn much.
None of our friends support me like her. He was the only one who ever showed he cared. Everybody here feels so empty.
She’s the only one who could understand me. Nobody here could.. I want her back. I need her back….
I’m about to cry I miss her so much. Nobody would get it.
We’ve been paranoid and worry we may be falling back into a psychosis episode, which we’ve been having on and off pretty much our entire life. And none of our friends are consistently supportive. None of them even consistently interact with us really. Sometimes we will desperately need a distraction and usually nobody could even offer that.
Part of why I miss my lover.. I know she’d be here. They’re just compassionate like that. They’d see me even while nobody else does. They’d understand me.. I want them back.
-🪓
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One of my headmates finally saw a message I left them in DECEMBER and it made them a little happy I think =] I hope to leave more notes so when they front they can read them. They’ve been having a rough time so it seems like maybe it would help them, even if they barely ever check the messages we leave for them, haha.
It wasn’t anything super important, just some words of support. Honestly I didn’t even remember leaving it, it was from ages ago. But I could tell it lifted their mood a little bit..
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Plural culture is invalidating you’re own trauma cuz you can’t remember it and forgetting that that’s literally the point of the disorder 💔
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Any other systems like the webcomic “Hello From Halo Head” ? I think it’s fun to be like “hey this character is like [headmate]!!” Because a lot of the characters have dynamics that are similar to those in a system, and the entire story just feels a lot like how an inner world for a system could work. Perhaps that’s what it’s based on? Idk “multitudes a person experiences as a response to trauma” is how the author puts it, so it makes sense. I was wondering if any other systems here have read it, it’s really a great webcomic =]
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