disappointing-goose

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Chicken waddles

#me irl #shitposts #just chicken things #waddles #random

[disappointing-goose]

I think the reason Australians and Kiwis sing Christmas songs about jingle bells and Frosty the snowman is because they lowkey trying to summon an arctic wind to bring the summer heat down to a reasonable temp.

#christmas #frosty #australian #new zealand #jingle bells #summer

[disappointing-goose]

This is the witch from Brave’s origin story.

yeah I’m a woodworking fan *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick* *carves shiv out of stick*

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My friend turned to me today and said, “I mentally yeet myself from embarrassing situations.” And that’s the kind of superpower I want.

#yeet me into the void #friends #me irl #this is embarassing

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The new nurse on staff asks me how I’m doing. Her tone is overly cheerful. I can see the fearful concern in her eyes. “Good evening,” I say formally, pulling my cloak’s hood over my head and floating past on my wheelies while sipping my D-caf red juice. “You must think I’m bat-shit crazy.”

#vampire #bat shit crazy #wheelie #im crazy

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Hey ANGELA, yknow most women at least have the fucking decency to keep their cheating secret. But NooOOO you had to go flaunting photographic evidence and telling everybody how good it was. A picture says 1000 words sweetheart you don’t need to tell me how goddamn hot and spicy your nachos are cause I already fuckin know.

#food crimes #nachocheese #nachos #illicit affairs #so shook

[disappointing-goose]

Current mood is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ , tbh. And no, the emoji version does NOT convey the full meaning of the emoticon, Roberto you uncultured swine.

#me irl tbh #big shrug #le shrug #emoticon #uncultured swine

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So you mean to tell me that I can’t remember enough about my own life to answer the question “what did you do on the weekend?” but a random song I haven’t heard in years comes on and I can sing it word for word. Like all of a sudden I’m just— DJ got the party started, there’s NO END IN SIGHT

#meirl #lyrics #singing #weekend #cant remember #i just cant

[disappointing-goose]

Me: *sits down to work*

Brain: Ciao adios I’m done

#meirl #thanks brain #dumb brain things #ciao for now

[disappointing-goose]

Does anyone else play the internal game of “gotta avoid using my knife with dinner at all costs” or is that just me?

#dinner #crazy games #im not crazy #meirl

[disappointing-goose]

Who stole the inside of my goddamn donut?!

#donut mess with me #donut hole #donuts #wholesome memes