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hugshughes · 5 months

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illicit affairs J. Hughes

Jack Hughes x fem!reader

synopsis - You were his secret, and you loved it until you realized why he really kept you one.

wc - 2.6k

contains - crying, angst, no happy ending! (not for jack x reader anyway, you know i can't leave my reader hurt by boys forever), few mentions of sex but NO SMUT AT ALL!!!! manipulation, asshole!jack, cursing, drinking. let me know!

an - ugh. this one was sad, illicit affairs always hurts but this took the cake. this was smooth to write though, it came easily. the ending may be a bit rushed, i apologize. i think jack was a good person to pick for this, not that i think he'd do this, but it was easier to make him that way than who i was gonna use for this song before. ANYWAY, hope u love as always, thank you for reading!!!

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make sure nobody sees you leave. hood over your head, keep your eyes down.

Jack had texted you. "I'm parked at my usual spot." Said usual spot was in the dark back corner of the parking lot for the apartment building next to yours. You sighed, you felt bad. Your stomach had a deep feeling you couldn't shake.

It was almost midnight, the only time he ever wanted you. Far after the sun had gone down, so nobody could ever have the chance to see you two. The last time you saw Jack, he was gone when you woke up and you just cried and cried.

You had realized that you weren't a secret because he just liked his life private like he told you. You were a secret because he would never want to be seen with you. Not even after spending almost a year of your time on him.

He emphasized his text, and you still sat on your couch, thinking about whether or not you even wanted to see him. Your makeup was done, your hair looked beautiful, just for him to take you back to his apartment, and not act like he knew you until you were safe within the walls of his bedroom.

tell your friends you're out for a run, you'll be flushed when you return.

You thought back to the night of the last time you saw him. It was one of your closest friend's birthday party, and you were having so much fun, until Jack texted you at 10:30 pm, asking to come pick you up.

It was like he had a spell on you, like you would do whatever he asked, for the hope that he would see your devotion and decide to make your relationship serious. Because Jack wasn't your boyfriend, but he acted like it. He acted like it when he would lose a hockey game and text you, saying he missed and even loved you, saying he needed you.

take the roads less traveled by. tell yourself you can always stop.

Back to the birthday party. Jack wouldn't stop texting you, telling you he missed you so much and couldn't sleep without you. You caved in, leaving the party early, telling the birthday girl you had an early morning and needed a good night's sleep. Jack picked you up, all smiles, leaving kisses on your cheek, holding your hand.

He held your hand on the way up to your apartment, and the hope you felt was unmatched. You thought this was the moment he realized how important you were to him. But then you woke up, alone and cold, with nothing but a text saying, "Left when you fell asleep, meet up sometime next week?" It completely ruined you.

You had met Jack at a party, it was a black tie for New Year's Eve and you had immediately caught his eye. He went up to you first, you honestly hadn't even noticed him. He acted very interested in you, talking to you for hours until the clock struck midnight, and he had made you feel special. You let him have your phone number that night, and it was the flap of a butterfly's wings that created the typhoon.

what started in beautiful rooms, ends with meetings in parking lots.

As time went on, Jack started to treat you worse, he expected more from you. You knew you couldn't expect anything from him, though. He was the hotshot playboy of the NHL, and you were simply a girl. A girl he could pick and choose when he wanted because if you did something wrong, there were hundreds more lined up waiting.

and that's the thing about illicit affairs. and clandestine meetings, and longing stares. they show their truth one single time.

You could never really tell if Jack's words were genuine. He was so hot and cold with you; so much so that it was more like scalding and freezing. If you ever asked him anything near that topic, he would shut it all down immediately. He reminded you he wasn't your boyfriend, then would try to ease the sting by telling you he loved you. He was the first boy to ever tell you he loved you, and it hurt every time he did.

He was just two different people. The guy you got during the night, when he was craving someone, and the guy he really was. He didn't love you, you knew it. He knew it too. But oh how you wished he loved you. You never loved him though, how could someone love a man who only ever cared for you when there was no threat of anyone else knowing?

It was worse during the summer. He was away for almost two months then came home and expected you to come running back, then got angry when you didn't. And even after all the anger, and the red flags, and the secrecy, you couldn't stop, even though you promised yourself you could if you wanted to. You wanted to. Jack was like your drug, an addiction you couldn't get through life without.

but it dies, and it dies, and it dies, a million little times.

He was a liar. That was what you knew. You knew he couldn't love you. If you love someone, you show them, you make them feel loved. Jack never made you feel loved, he did the opposite most of the time. You remember sobbing the first time he told you he loved you because he left you alone in your bed in the middle of the night just minutes later.

leave the perfume on the shelf, that you picked out just for him. so you leave no trace behind. like you don't even exist.

You remember the time he asked you not to wear your perfume when he picked you up anymore. He said it made his car smell like you and one of his friends had asked why it smelled like perfume. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone knowing you existed with him, that much was obvious. He wanted to live a double life, one with you, and one with every single other part of his life.

He would tell you not to follow him on social media, not to tag your location in posts if he did, and not to tell your friends about it. It made you miserable, and your friends could tell something had changed in you.

take the words for what they are, a dwindling mercurial high. a drug that only worked the first few hundred times.

You knew you couldn't keep doing what you were doing with Jack. You knew he'd run you dry eventually. That he'd push you to misery and you'd have to leave him. You just held out hope that one day maybe he'd love you the way he said he did.

and that's the thing about illicit affairs. and clandestine meetings, and stolen stares.

One night he got really angry with you, and you thought you'd never see him again. With the way he treated you, you got to the point where you thought that maybe he had a girlfriend he was cheating on with you. It would've made the secrecy make sense.

You had sat him down and asked him if you were the other woman in his relationship. And he flipped on you, he was angry you thought he would ever do something like that. He shouted at you for the first time, he said things insinuating that you were sleeping around, not being "loyal" to him, and just wanted to spread your guilt to him.

It couldn't have been farther from the truth, he was the only man in your life. He was the one man you had ever let see you in the ways he saw you. The only boy you'd ever slept with. Then the next day he showed up at your apartment, a hood over his head and sunglasses covering his eyes, but nonetheless, he was holding flowers, and that's all you could focus on.

they show their truth one single time. but they lie, and they lie, and they lie, a million little times.

You snapped out of your thoughts when your phone started ringing. Jack was waiting for you, he had texted you twice now, and was currently calling you. You jumped to answer it.

"Hi."

"Hey? What are you doing? I'm here to get you."

Every word he said was like a stab to the stomach. You were past the point where his words comforted his bad actions. It all just hurt now.

"Um, sorry you came all this way. I don't think I'm feeling up to it tonight."

He scoffed pulling his phone from his ear to stare at the phone, then put it on speaker.

"What do you mean? Are you like mad at me or something? You seemed fine half an hour ago."

"Yeah um no, I mean I just don't feel great right now, and would rather not have a fast fuck at your place then get an Uber home."

You said it, you kind of couldn't believe you did. You felt proud of yourself for it. You finally called him out, even if it was just a little bit.

"Oh, so you are pissed at me? Baby, what did I do?"

Baby. It's what he called you when he wanted to get his way. You knew right now he was hoping you would just brush off your feelings and come get in his car.

and you wanna scream, don't call me "kid". don't call me "baby".

"No Jack, stop. Don't call me that. I don't-"

"What is your problem?! I didn't do anything wrong between thirty minutes ago, when you were sending me fuckin' heart emojis tellin' me you couldn't wait to see me, and now!"

You could feel the tears pricking in your eyes, the pain in your chest was overwhelming now. He just didn't understand how it felt to be cared for when it was convenient, because you always cared for him, part of you probably always would.

"I just can't do this fucking situationship we have anymore! You are ruining me, Jack. You are making me miserable, you only care about me when you feel like it, and you tell me you love me when you don't. You're making me crazy! And I just let you because I still for some stupid reason am holding out hope that one day you'll stop for a second and realize that you want me to be more than a late-night hookup when you're feeling bad about yourself!"

look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. you showed me colors, you know i can't see with anyone else.

You were sobbing, shouting at Jack through the phone. He was stunned. He was truly speechless.

"I- Shit, Angel, you know-"

"No! Stop! You do this shit, you make me feel special then you rip it out of my hands, you remind me that I'm just one of many girls who'd be forever lucky to be a doormat for you! You have made me fucking hate myself. I have never been less happy in life than I am right now, and it's because of you.

"You've forced me to create this secret life that revolves around the hope that you'll call me and tell me to walk down the street where your car is parked waiting for me in the middle of the night, just far enough so no one would ever see you."

Jack was forced to look back on all the shit he'd put you through over the past 11 months. He never really considered your feelings, not as often as he should've. He used you, he manipulated you, he made you depend on him.

"Shit, Jack. I just, I can't do it anymore. The secrets, lying to my friends, for someone who couldn't give two shits if I never saw him again. I've become someone I don't even like anymore."

don't call me "kid". don't call me "baby". look at this idiotic fool that you made me. you taught me a secret language, i can't speak with anyone else.

Jack was dumbfounded. He hadn't realized he was hurting you that bad. He hadn't thought for two seconds about how the regulations he'd put in place in your relationship would affect you. He just wanted to have someone when he needed someone, and not have to deal with the emotional turmoil that came with a committed relationship. He didn't realize you had all of that emotional turmoil on your shoulders.

Jack didn't realize it then, nor would he at this moment. But in the weeks, months, and years ahead, he would realize how important you really were to him. How much your presence really did comfort him. How lucky he was to have you. How he did love you.

"I- I'm sorry, I guess. I just, this is crazy to be honest."

You sighed, that response just confirmed everything. He never really cared, so why would he now? The second you hung up the phone he'd be able to find another girl in a matter of minutes, if he wanted to.

"It's fine, whatever. But um, yeah just lose my number Jack."

"Yeah, alright. Um, bye?"

You hung up the phone and immediately started crying again. Did he know all he had to do was fight for you? Did he know you would've stayed? He probably didn't care either way. He didn't need to fight for anyone, not when he could have someone else who didn't need any reassurance, who didn't care if he was invested in them or not, who could just be used for sex and comfort when needed and not bat an eye.

and you know damn well, for you i would ruin myself,

You felt that now you could finally breathe. The weight of him was lifted from your chest. You immediately called your best friend, telling her to come over as soon as possible, and even though it was midnight, she came. You explained how the last eleven months you'd been consistently seeing a guy who'd only wanted you in secret, and how you'd just broken it all off with him. She comforted you, and wasn't mad at you for lying, not when you'd explained it.

You started a new chapter of your life, one where you focused on your own happiness. The chapter could only last about a year though, because at a New Year's Eve party on December 31st, 2024, you met a man that one day you'd marry, have his kids, and love till death. Maybe not all relationships that begin on New Year's Eve are bad.

Jack had realized his faults and thought about them often for the next year or so after you broke everything off with him. He'd realized you were someone he should've appreciated more, and loved on more. He wished he would've changed his ways and fought for you, but was glad you were probably finally happy.

a million little times.

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