diary-and-thoughts-of-me

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

29.2.2024//9:26am

Weight: 9:25 -> 51,4 kg/113,3 lbs

Bro HOW did I not gain any weight after yesterday???!!

I mean, I’m thankful but HOW?

Anyways. The same friend is coming over today again. We‘re baking a cake. Hopefully it‘ll take a while and I don‘t have to try it. It‘s gonna be so tempting having a cake at home, god ugh.

Cal limit for today is 800 again. Works the best for me rn.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #tw ana diary #tw ana relapse #tw ana related

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

28.2.2024//22:12

A friend was over today and I binged so fucking bad. HOLY SHIT.

I'm going to weight myself later. I'm kinda scared.

#diary #digital diary #thoughts #tw #life #update #tw ana relapse #tw ana diary

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

28.2.2024//9:26am

Good morning ♡

My cal limit for today is still 800 but I'm not sure if that works today. My mom wants to make dinner, so I have to eat that. Idk how many calories it has. My plan is to stay under 100 calories over the day and then eat a small portion of whatever she made.

My weight in the morning was 51,4kg/113,3lbs

It's slowly going down :)

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #update #tw ana relapse #tw ana diary

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

27.2.2024//19:27

Okay, so for dinner I had Joghurt again.

I didn't ate all of it but I counted all of it, so imma eat the rest later.

The total of today is 430,87 cal. That's so good, I'm proud and yes it was easier than fasting the whole day ♡

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #update #tw #tw ana relapse #tw ana related #tw ana diary

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

27.2.2024//15:36

For lunch I'm having tomato sauce, just found out it has low calories :)

-tomato sauce 200g/84 cal

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #update #tw ana relapse #tw ana related

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

27.2.2024//1:38pm

I'm freezing. It's so fucking cold.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #update #tw #tw ana related #tw ana relapse

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

27.2.2024//11:15am

I know I know, I said I'm gonna weigh myself next week...BUT I just weight myself and I was on 51,7 kg/113,9 lbs. I'm so happy. I wanna keep going.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #update #tw ana relapse #tw ana related #tw ana diary

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

27.2.2024//10:48am

Breakfast: 108,4cal => 691,6cal left

-coconut Joghurt (100g/55cal)

-banana (60g/53,4cal)

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #update #mealsp0 #tw ana related #tw ana relapse

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

27.2.2024//10:06am

Well, well, well. Stupid me. I fasted for 20 hours and then I binged. I guess I still ate less than on a normal day but it‘s stupid.

Anyways, I was close to giving up and eating normal again, but a new follower gave me motivation to keep going, so yeah.

I might try it a bit different. I‘m not gonna start with fasting, cause I‘ve been eating normal for a while now and I don‘t think I‘m mentally capable of doing it (as I‘ve already proofed. Dumb fuck).

My goal for today are 800 cals. I hope a limit makes things easier :) We‘ll see.

Anyways, thanks to the new person, I‘ll try my best <3

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #update #tw ana shit #tw ana relapse

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

26.2.2024//12:43

I‘ve started restricting again. I‘m currently at 53,1 kg/1.63m. I wanna fast today and maybe tomorrow, depends if my mom wants to eat dinner together.

My first gw is 50kg. I‘ll weigh myself again in a week. We‘ll see.

The problem is I‘m not 100% committed. I wanna be thin and see my bones but on the other hand I wanna hit the gym and gain muscles (not weight tho. I know, stupid).

Anyways life has been shit the past weeks, so I might as well fuck my body up all over again.

My end goal might be something between 43-45 kg. Anyways, I‘ll try to update regularly. Wish me luck, I‘m scared that I‘m giving up to soon again. As always.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #tw #update #tw ana shit #tw ana relapse

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

31.01.2024//22:42

My head hurts.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

30.01.2024//16:16

Paha, I got my grade for my last exam today and I‘ve passed with an 1.0 (yes I‘m very proud).

I told myself that nothing today could make my day possibly bad cause that grade is fucking amazing, like it‘s a literal dream…but guess fucking what? Right, my day is worse than any of my days the past week. Thanks for the irony god. My family had a fight and I didn‘t had enough time to eat. My day is full of studying today and I made myself an hour space for just living and existing, but fucking no. We all wen‘t for a walk with my doggo and they were so fucking slow that I only had 10 minutes left of my break. I‘m so pissed right now, holy shit.

I‘ts so trashy, like, yes I‘m proud that I‘m productive and have my day all planned out but holy shit, I also need time for myself or I‘ll break. I‘m so close to cutting myself again but summer is just around the corner and I already have new scars to hide, no need to make this harder.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #dog #life #student #life is fucked up #tw

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

29.01.2024//23:56

Well, well, well, I’m still alive haha. I haven‘t posted in a while but I guess I might just start again (yes I‘m just to lazy to write in my paper diary).

Life‘s actually been great. My last week was so fucking productive and I‘m really proud of it. Anyways, I also relapsed a few times (who could‘ve thought haha), it‘s alright though. I don‘t mind circling around in my mind.

I‘ve started writing a book, idk if it‘ll turn out well. Some of my friends like it so far, but it‘s my first time writing something for real so I don‘t expect it to be well.

Anyways, hopefully seeing y‘all soon. Haha, acting as if someone would actually read this bullshit.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #tw #life #im alive #update #Spotify

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

08.10.2023//04:11

God I fucking need to sleep. What the hell is wrong with me. I kinda started thinking about food again but I'm better for like idk a few month now. Don't wanna mess it up.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #tw #ed stuff idk

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

30.09.2023//01:24

It's been a while.

It feels weird to only post here when I'm feeling shitty but it kinda turned out to be my safe place.

Idk what happened I just don't feel well. I feel like I don't have anyone anymore. I know I have some people but I don't think they care. I wanna get drunk and walk around somewhere till my head stops spinning.

#I don't even know how to tag this #Not sure if anyone should see this #Paha #As if anyone would see this

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

7.8.2023//20:06

Oh dear. I feel so weak rn. My breathing is so fast I think I might pass out. I wanna pass out tho. Literally everyone I could talk to rn isn't available. I hate it. I don't wanna relapse or shit, I just need someone here. Im too shy to ask anyway.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #idk #meh

[diary-and-thoughts-of-me]

3.8.2023//23:45

Sitting in a subway rn. Idk life is some messed up shit atm. My stomach hurts, I broke up with my bf. Dunno. Everything feels weird, like I'm not existing.

#diary #thoughts #digital diary #life #random thoughts #Night stuff