depressed-teenage-thoughts

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

Do you know what pisses me off? The fact that my mum rants more at me for things like leaving wrappers and empty cups in my room, than she rants at my brother for smoking, drugs, only coming home at 8am etc.

#i'm so fed up of it #she acts like i'm the worst person in the world #because of a few dishes in my room #yet her son is here taking drugs and she literally #doesn't give a shit #she just lets him do it #and doesn't shout at him nearly half as much #so so fed up #rambles #personal

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

who am i anymore?

i'm not the two-year-old girl who cried because she didn't want to nap, because now sleep is my only escape

i'm not the four-year-old girl who started school eager to make friends, because now i've isolated myself

i'm not the six-year-old girl who danced because she was passionate about it, because now nothing truly excites me

i'm not the eight-year-old girl who aspired to be a teacher, or a secret agent, because now i have no hope for the future

i'm not the ten-year-old girl who dreamt of the teenage years being the best ones, because now i'm living the worst years

i'm not the twelve-year-old girl who wrote songs and played keyboard, because now i feel silent and unable to speak out

i'm not the fourteen-year-old girl who enjoyed looking pretty in makeup, because now it's the only way to cover my imperfections

i'm not the sixteen-year-old girl who exercised and wanted to be healthy, because now i'm only harming my body

i'm the seventeen-year-old girl who has lost everything she used to be, and now i'm nothing

#who am i anymore #hate myself #self loating #loss of self #depressed #anxious #body dysmorphia #eating disorder #weary #tired of life #depressive thoughts #depressed poetry #my writing

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

are you proud of me for lasting another day without cutting my wrists? 

Because I still feel scarred

are you proud of me for eating all three meals today instead of skipping? 

Because I still feel fat

are you proud of me for going to college instead of lying in bed depressed? 

Because I still feel exhausted

are you proud of me for talking to people and socialising in college? 

Because I still feel alone

are you proud of me for being alive for another day? 

Because I still feel dead inside.

#are you proud of me #anxious #depressed #suicidal #body dysmorphia #eating disorder #depressive thoughts #depressed poetry #alone #hate myself #my writing

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

why am i not pretty like all the other girls?

why is my skin dull and spotty, not flawless like the other girls?

why is my hair lank and greasy, not sleek and silky like the other girls?

why are my teeth yellow and uneven, not gleaming like the other girls?

why are my lips flaky and thin, not kissable like the other girls?

why am i flat chested, not curvy and feminine like the other girls?

why am i short and stumpy, not tall and lean like the other girls?

why am i not like the other girls?

because i'm me, and i'll never be good enough to be the other girls

#self loathing #body dysmorphia #i hate myself #depressed #anxious #vent #late night thoughts #depressed poetry #depressive thoughts #my writing

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

i wake up, just another difficult day ahead of me

i get dressed, in ugly clothes to disguise my ugly body

i do my makeup, anything to hide the sleepless nights and teary eyes from showing

i eat breakfast, even though my longing to skip a meal is growing

i walk to college, with music in my eyes being the only escape from my surroundings

#monotony of life #i'm trying to get through #but it's not working #depressed #anxious #depressive thoughts #depressed poetry #late night thoughts #teenage #my writing #alone

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

i miss the days when i didn't stay up at night, contemplating life

i miss the days when i didn't feel lonely, because my friends were everything to me

i miss the days when i didn't have a broken heart, cause i hadn't yet let my heart love

i miss the days when i didn't rely on music to keep me alive, because the world is silent

i miss the days when i didn't cry myself to sleep, as my dreams were filled with happy thoughts and smiles

i miss the days when i used to feel like myself, because now i really don't know who i've become

#depression #anxiety #nostalgia #miss the past #depressing thoughts #teenage #late night thoughts #depressed poetry #my writing #heartbreak #alone #sadness

[depressed-teenage-thoughts]

my sister dances in the mirror, yet bears no reflection

my best friend stands by my side, yet not a shadow shows

my boyfriend's arm is around my shoulder holding me together, yet i'm falling apart

my friends stay up all night talking, sitting where an empty patch of duvet lies

myself is smiling, yet inside i'm crying, dying, giving up

#depressed thoughts #depressed poetry #teenage #depression #anxiety #mental illness #late night thoughts #imagination #imaginary world #coping mechanism #my writing