chunghasgirlfriend

[chunghasgirlfriend]

Arlecchino

#genshinimpact #arlecchino #pls step on me

[chunghasgirlfriend]

a little personal response / tribute to "here's the life i've always longed for" by Anna Haifisch. the original means so much to me, and even though it's hard, I feel like every day i'm making more steps toward finally being on the other side of that fence <:)

#here's the life i've always longed for

[chunghasgirlfriend]

shit happens and i guess im bi now :D college update

well no one is really here but me, but i guess i wanted to at least update my blog. I'm bi now.

I want to be surprised but I'm really not. I first came out in the summer of 2016. I had just finished 6th grade and moved. I don't really remember how it came out, but I told my sister that I think I like girls. Not lesbian or bi, just that I like girls and that might make me a lesbian. I came out again in a few months on the bus saying I was bi.

And I wish that was the end, but this back and forth being a lesbian or bi would go on for years. until I guess now. 7 years later.

When I got to college, I expected my life to change, but not this much. I have always mostly had girl friends, even when I came out. I just didn't hang around many guys and the high school I went to didn't have much guys so I largely ignored them. But coming to college, I've met so many dudes and even got to be friends with a bunch of them. But there was one guy to change it all for me.

He's a really nice guy. And not nice guy as in I can't say anything about him other than that he's not a weirdo. I mean it when I say he's a nice guy. He has helped me a lot this semester. He looked out for me when I was super sick and kept checking up on me. When it was revealed that I got mono, he still comforted me even then that it wasn't even embarassing. He went to the library a lot by the end of the semester just to hang out with me and a couple friends. He lets me rant and vent about my problems and about our lives before we met. Just talking about who we are. He even made such an effort to get to know me and what I like. Like a few weeks ago when I went to his apartment, he just asked me about SEVENTEEN, and if you see this blog you know how much I love SEVENTEEN. I've also gotten to know him as well. Our fam, part of the big-little college club program, play this card game where we get asked super personal questions to get to know who we actually are. And his insistence on playing the game actually made all of us get closer and know each other better.

I think it's funny because he does make random friends, especially with women and he sounds like a lowkey fuck boy, but trust me, as a friend, he's super caring. even when he really doesn't have to be. he might be different as a lover, but he's an amazing friend and that above all matters to me.

And it was this slow accumulation that made me question my sexuality. because he's amazing and I'm so attracted to him. I've already suspected I was actually bi before I came here, but now I officially can say I am. and this is so self indulgent, but I want to list out EVERYTHING that made my heart flutter so hard.

He remembered my name. Even went up to me in GBMs to dap me up and talk to me when the semester started.

He kept checking up on me when I was sick. I was badly sick with undiagnosed mono at the time and I lost my voice on multiple occassions and got feverish. Throughout it all, he kept checking up on me and even kept encouraging me to hang out and to not be left behind. When I was diagnosed, he was the first person I told. He didn't judge me then. Even months later, he was joking about catching mono and all of our friends catching it so I wasn't alone.

He got to know me and insisted on doing so. He didn't have to. so far in the past, the fam program hasn't always been the best and usually fall through, but we did so good. We bonded well and I credit him trying to get to know me. He didn't even do it for the fam program, he just genuinely wanted to get to know me. He wasn't forced to do this.

He let me yap on and on about anything. I'm a huge yapper. I don't stop talking when I start. He has let me rant, vent, and just complain about everything. From my past, my classes, mono, genshin, anime, kpop, anything.

He helped me go to the gym. I was always planning on going but I was too scared because I've never been. I mentioned it off handedly one time and he decided to be my gym buddy. He's helped me alot with gaining confidence in the gym.

He compliments me a lot. From calling my hair cute, liking my outfits, and even noticing when I painted my nails, saying he loved the color. I went to the gym one day and he complimented all three, to the point even my other friend who we go to the gym with mentioned it. I haven't been called pretty for most of my life, so it feels good to see other people call me these things. Especially from a guy.

He matches my humor and vibe. There's nothing better than meeting someone equally as weird as you. Can take dark humor. And just comment weird shit together. Like oh yeah I just pooped. Or how do you want to die? Or would you start a cult. I'm insane and he kinda is too.

He's just genuinely a nice guy. Caring and playful. People sometimes use nice as a substitute because they don't know someone well enough to say anything else. He cares and he's a great friend. And he's also super playful, so it's never boring around him. He makes people comfortable around him quick. He might not tell me everything, but the fact remains that despite this, he comes off as super authentic.

He promised to take me out of state. He heard that I haven't been out of state (during dinner with his family. long story.) and offered to take me out for a weekend or so. Just because of me, our friend group is trying to take a trip during spring break. It means so much. I haven't travelled much in my entire life because my family is poor.

I know that it seems like there's really no barriers between us, but this family program doesn't usually work out. And the fact that mine has is kinda a miracle. Aside from just the name of family, these people have become my actual friends and an actual friend group. I don't know if I could handle losing them if we broke up.

But really, this is just an excuse I use. I'm afraid that if I chase him, I won't be able to pull him. He has interest in a girl and he likes her, well crushing on her. He doesn't know her that well, but he wants to. And he tells me all about her and how he's trying to get to know her. There's this girl that likes me and while she's cute, I've developed an actual interest in my boy crush. If I date her, she will be my rebound and I can't do that to her. Well I would've if she wasn't also in our club and close to my other friends.

But that's the thing. Usually people come to me and I don't chase. And I'm afraid that if I chase, I'll never get the people I want. Above all, I'm scared of rejection. I thought I buried those feelings of rejection a long time ago, but it seems I'm still afraid.

I've only known this guy as an actual friend since October 2023 and I think I'm in love with him. Which sounds crazy, but I've been texting him everyday and our friend group being college students makes it easy. Hell, he's texting me as of this moment. I don't want to lose him as my close friend if he doesn't return my feelings. In such a small time he's become someone I can't lose.

I want to mention that he's perfect for me. I want a friends to lovers situation when I fall in love. Lots of people become friends with people that they're interested in and then wish to date them. But for me, I've always wanted a love where I fall for my friend. I didn't become friends with them for any other reason than to just be friends. Then along the way, for some reason, without even noticing it, I fell in love. To me, he's like that. I can't even recall when I noticed that I liked him. All I remember was the realization that I was not a lesbian and I had a huge crush on him. He makes me happier.

First it was making me more cheerful. Then it was talking to me often and letting me send weird reels to him. Then it was going to the gym with him. Then it was bringing him to my dorm and me going to his apartment to hang out usually for short bits or with others around. Then it was him complimenting me. Then it was me hanging out with him alone at his apartment. It was us watching a basketball game together in the library. It was discord calls over winter break. It was bi-weekly meals and tri-weekly workout sessions.

I keep repeating these because they make my heart skip and butterflies fill my stomach. He's just so charming and he doesn't even realize it.

I just like him so much.

#chunghasgirlfriend #bi myself #bi girl struggles #crush #pining #he's so sweet #is he sweet or just rich #more at 7

[chunghasgirlfriend]

pixel studies for level up

#pixelart

[chunghasgirlfriend]

little things

guys this is something so insignificant, but i just had a buddy change his profile picture to a photo i took of him with a brownie. like it's so small, but i makes me soooooo happy 😭😭😭😭 like this is so sweet im about to literally cry and i really need to study but i can't bc this is just really sweeeeeeet

#chunghasgirlfriend #college

[chunghasgirlfriend]

[OC] witch x (jealous) monster girlfriend🔮🐙.𖥔 ݁ ˖ (witch OC belongs to @ greenmoonie on tw)

#art #lesbian #monster girls <3 #eldritch horror gf #i don't know how much me and who i got left in me

[chunghasgirlfriend]

hahahaha the girl i like totally doesnt like me and i was in fact just very delusional!!! im not upset at all hahahahahaahhahaha

jokes aside im just a lil disappointed. i mean i still dont know her that well so it wasnt like i was in love with her bc i dont really know her that well but i just asked her on a date and she said no thanks. its chill (maybe idk) tho i was right i lost to fictional men :|

tho i mean im also kinda relieved. i didnt really wanna date a girl skinner than me and i wanted a tall gf so maybe her rejecting me is a good thing .

but also a part of me is relieved bc i thought about actually going out to find some girls to flirt with and talk to. and even tho between me and my crush, i thought that for a second in case she liked me I would feel so bad that i would openly move on. but also liking my crush, was limiting my options and im grown. i want to date someone

and looking back this is such a non issue for me to worry about. why am i considering her feelings towards me meeting other women? i dont owe her any loyalty so why was i so hesitant on trying to meet other women?

well now that THATS out of the way, I think im genuinely excited to meet queer women who will actually be into me and thats gotten me really excited.

im still kinda upset she rejected me, but i also think it set me free bc now i can actually go on and explore without having this crush hold me back. i only asked her on a date bc my friends convinced me and they told me that would i rather get it over with now or wait months down the line and feel even shittier? so i took my chances.

but now, im ready to finally start a chapter of my life. and while i still wish it contains her bc she is a really good friend to me, i think a part of me doesn't mind if she decides to not be part of my world anymore. Id be sad ofc but also ive met so many people and i will meet so many more, i think ive grown enough to sense that i'll be okay when shes not here with me. i have a pretty good amount of people who care for me and i have people who will check on me. I will be okay. I know it.

Im gonna be honest, idk if i felt this security before or maybe i was better used to it when i was younger. but now that im an adult, i think i can really feel it when my friends make an effort despite how busy we all are. and the people I've met have been nothing but great. idk if i'll still be their friends decades from now, but the fact that theyre here beside me is enough for me. and i feel loved.

so here's to a new chapter to me. maybe i'll be the whore ive always wanted to be and have a roster. idk i think im just excited to be grown, its been 19 years in the making

#lesbian #hahahahha #crushing on friend #its ok tho #really i mean it #i'll be okay

[chunghasgirlfriend]

im never trusting rich people if they say they have spare blankets ever again bc why am i here between thin sheets ?? im cold and since I still have childish taste, I can only go to sleep with fuzzy and furry blankets

#lesbian #its hard out here #btw i got to hang out with the girl i like #i even got to meet her family #so either this can go well #or extremely badly #im jinxing it already huh

[chunghasgirlfriend]

me and the girl i like are very delusional, like a lot. i know shes bi with a male lean and we're both obsessed with genshin. however she has nsfw chats with diluc and dottore, do yall think i got a chance 🥺👉👈 (its no. no. i know the answer is no.)

#genshin impact #character ai #dottore and diluc catch my wrath #jk i love diluc #but he's kinda stealing my girl rn so i need him gone #lesbian #im such a useless lesbian smh #but maybe i have a fighting chance ??? #(delusional)

[chunghasgirlfriend]

text your friends guys !!

ngl i have this friend that i had a complicated thing with, not directly but through my other friends. long story short, he had a thing with my two friends when we were in high school and in the end, they stopped talking to him and slowly i did too. not that he did anything to me, just that i didn't want my two friends to feel bad and i've learned to NOT do that. he didn't do anything to me, so i'm a little sad about that i pushed him away without saying anything.

we both graduated high school this year, so i had talked to him all throughout that and even learned that he now drives, lives in the area of our uni now, and has a girlfriend now. we exchanged phone numbers and just decided that if we wanted to hang out we could, or at least know someone from our county

but anyways i recconnected with him when he wished me happy birthday and we started talking again. it was actually super cool to talk again. we're both going to the same uni and we were were just talking about it, like schedules and stuff. and it just so nice to have a friend again.

i pushed everyone away because i just didn't feel like talking to any of my friends. even prior to the situation with him and my friends, I just slowly stopped talking to my friends and stopped making new ones at school because i was just tired. I mean the people i was around were people I knew since middle school and I was just tired of seeing them. i didn't want to call my friends nor did i want to text them.

so reconnecting with my friend was really nice. when I went to my orientation, and i met the girl who I now currently have a crush on (see my other posts lol), I told him about her and he even started to cheer me on.

Like imagine me, this is a dude I've been friends with since 7th grade. He's seen all messy sides of me and how I've changed throughout the years, and TRUST ME, how much I say change. From my interests to how I act to my sexuality, he's seen it all. And me to him also. I guess it's just I'm so glad that I have a genuine friend that I can rely on and just talk to. I'm a lesbian and he's a straight taken guy, so it's not like we're interested in each other. Which is kinda new to me bc I've had mostly female friends and most of them I was kinda into or at least willing to date, so it's nice to have a friend that I'm genuinely not into to confide in.

And it was his birthday and since I was still awake at 12 am, I decided to text him happy birthday like he did to me and it was nice. I updated him about me and girl I like (we're getting lunch with our familes together when we move in together !!!) and he updated me on spending time with his gf and buying furniture. Like dude, we're actually becoming adults !!! how crazy is that ????

this was someone I used to just talk about anime and drawing with at 12/13, what the hell do you mean I'm getting to talk to him about moving into college and him buying furniture for a house ????

it's just...I feel really happy now. I have cute girl I like who I also just really enjoy as my friend. She's just as delusional as I am in all the right ways and she's also lgbtq+. And now I also have a dependable friend that I can count on to hang out with. I'm a little scared to leave for college, but I'm also incredibly excited. My life is finally looking up after the pandemic basically decimated my high school experience.

Make sure to text your friends guys. If you're like me, too cynical + too self aware, and think everything you do is cringey, trust me, your real friends won't give a shit. Just talk to them, if nothing else, it's nice to talk with someone else and just catch up. Our lives are always going in different trajectories, but if we have company beside us, it makes life a little less intimidating.

I've definitely been caught up in relationships that make me ignore the importance of friends and I've always been someone to emphasize friendships, but I've never taken my own advice. But now, I feel it more than ever. Relationships are great, but don't just throw away important friendships, especially when you're two friends trying to figure out adult life with.

#friendship #talk to your friends #check on your friends #it really does mean a lot #trust me #they also appreciate it

[chunghasgirlfriend]

guys the cute girl i met at my orientation is so cute !!!

she's also just as delusional as me, which is A LOT. like we're both into genshin, chronically online, up to date with any internet news, love art, anime, etc.

we text every day, send each other instagram reels, like each other's stories, and omg ??? i haven't talked to someone everyday for SO long it's been since like my freshman year in high school like 5 years ago

and i don't know if we're just friends or flirting ???? like i hope we're flirting but i'm also super chill if we're just friends (it's not like i planned my future around her hahahahahahahahahahah)

and now when we move in, we're also getting lunch together with both of our families hahahhah i'm totally not planning to marry her and have our families introduced early hahahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahhahahahhahahha (i'm so, so, SO delusional i've only known her 20 days what is wrong with me)

also we planned to change roommates so that we could room together and i totally didn't call the housing department and called actual building to see if i could switch hahahahahahaha

and the thing is, I'm in the stage of liking her where like I'm pretty interested by her and I want to get to know her better and that I don't actually want to date her yet. But i'm also pretty sure I'm into her, or at least in the beginning stage

which is cool ig for being self aware, but also I think this is the only time i've actually liked a girl and was fully aware I liked a girl that I wasn't dating

which is kinda shitty that i only liked my ex gfs because I learned to love them only after we started dating, but again i was like 14 and trying to experiment how it would be to date girls and i liked it a lot. and i did end up loving the girls i dated for months, but having a crush and pining is kinda new to me

and i'm not into dudes anymore but i did use to pine for dudes but that was like EONS ago

and i guess it's just been so long that I've had a little crush that it just reminds me that I miss feeling this giddy. it's just something cute, nothing serious yet, just fun. i know i'm being hopeful, but I do hope she stays in my life, she's really cute.

#lesbian #i'm so pathetic #i know its so small but #i hope she doesn't find this #i think i would die inside #delusional #i forgot to tage delusional #but i am very delusional if you can't tell

[chunghasgirlfriend]

lets play a game: is it flirting or is this just how straight girls act to their best friends

#lesbian #like i genuinely cant tell and #im losing my mind #someone pls help #lesbian or just friends we'll never know #bc i dont wanna ask out of nowhere and find our she's straight #this is like the first time in a while that ive had a crush

[chunghasgirlfriend]

this is not a drill i think i have a crush on my new friend that i made during my orientation for college kjsbdskjabaks

we bonded over playing genshin, it was mostly too hot and humid for me to do anything so we were quiet for most of our time together but we would always stick by each other for both days so that must mean something

skdbjcjdakblfcjdbsdjcaldcblsdncldkzncajdzxcnznjcisdcksz cvsd cjbvosjdkbcjzdbckjdc skx 

i just......i haven’t had a real crush on a girl in some time so it’s like do i like her or is this just how it feels to make new friends

bc honestly i havent made new friends in so long it feels so foriegn to me now. like genuinely i knew almost everyone in my high school and by the end of my freshman year i knew everyone and my sophmore year i made new friends with the freshmen but that’s honestly the last time i had got to make new friends before the pandemic so i am RUSTY as hell when it comes to making friends again

kjanjacskjcns it’s just that she’s so chill, cool, and makes amazing art i feel like combusting

she also asked me today i wanted to room with her and i obviously said yes. i’m losing my mind

and like i vowed to myself that i wouldn’t fall any girl unless i knew for sure she was at least somewhat into girls, but idk if she’s gay TT but i made sure to get her to know i was gay at least

but i also feel kinda bad if she is straight or if she’s not into me because i’m not trying to be her friend just because i want to hook up with her bc i don’t. i just think she’s really cool and we have lots of interests in common, but i really don’t want her to think i’m doing this just to get laid bc i would hate if someone did that to me. guys what do i do TTTTTTTT

i am not winning the idgaf war, in fact i’m losing and making the siren blare all around me notifying everyone in a 3 mile perimeter 

#rant #lesbian #lesbian problems #guys guess who isn't winning the idgaf war #in fact i was taken out first #god i'm not your strongest soldier #i need help #trick question #do i want to be her or do i want to kiss her #or is it a secret third thing #i made her follow my socials but not tumblr so i will vent here smh

[chunghasgirlfriend]

i need a meme redraw of this specific image of seventeen

why are they kissing on the side, people are standing in shock, and why is he ripping his shirt open with sunglasses on, with specifically one lense missing, its beautiful

#seventeen kpop #seventeen #going seventeen #kpop memes #meme redraw #may i propose my lovelies #4ggravate #sk8 infinity #genshin impact #jjk #bnha #m!ik #im just throwing names out there lol

[chunghasgirlfriend]

Moonbin. This is a man that I saw debut and I have been supporting him since. It was a pleasure to see the kind of man that he grew into. He was a ball of energy that always uplifted fans and the people around him.

I hope that he found peace by the end of his life.

I don't want people to turn Moonbin's story into some kind of dramatic retelling of the dark side of the industry. Because he is SO much more than his death. Keep your think pieces to yourself and have some respect for the dead.

Moonbin isn't a fictional character who exists only to support your sick fantasy of gaining clout off celebrities dying. He was a real human being like you and me who had a full life and career. Don't treat him like some statistic when he just passed away.

I could go on, but I'll stop it there. Just have some respect for him and don't try to be condescending by reducing his death to the result of the industry. None of us know yet how he died nor do we know all of his life experiences. Just try for once to be silent and not throw your think pieces about someone you don't know. Kpop stans have treated the death of idols like this and still do, its just disheartening. These were real people and they shouldn't have to only be relevant when dying is being discussed.

Rest in peace Moonbin. I don't know what you experienced nor do I know how you felt before you died, but I hope you found peace. Lots of people love you and the people dear to you care more than you probably think. I just wish he knew how much people cared about him. It's truly sad to see your idol die. If I feel upset, I can't even imagine how his friends and family feel. I give my condolences to them and I hope they're okay.

Ultimately I didn't know Moonbin on a personal level, but as a fan, I wish him well. All I can do is hope that whatever happened to him, I hope he managed to find peace. That's all I can hope for.

#moonbin #i repeat peace a lot but thats all i can truly hope for #please thats all i can really say

[chunghasgirlfriend]

Two-faced witch 🎀🪄👻

#art #OMG CUTE WITCHES <3<3<3<3

[chunghasgirlfriend]

helllooooo

#genshin impact #he's so gorgeous #like i just have to take a moment to say wow #kaveh my beloved