byegirl07

[byegirl07]

i am filled with so much violent anger. i have zero outlets. nothing outward to destroy, no satisfying ways of self-destruction. i’ve thought about it many times but in the end, i’m far too neurotic for self harm. it’s not even for any “good” reason, simply the concept of having the scars of my own moments of weakness plain to see for the rest of my life is enough to dissuade me. i want to scream and cry and break things. i am constantly considering consequence. forcing violent urges down, keeping myself quiet, my rage calmed above the surface. letting things fester and decay is my natural state of being. sometimes i think about the incredible catharsis locked within the concept of killing myself, violently, viciously, tearing my flesh apart, if only i held the ability to come back fine again. killing myself holds no appeal when there’s just endless nothing beyond it. that won’t solve anything for me. it’s far too permanent for my brain to wrap itself around. but the appeal of committing suicide like the movies, some imagined scenario of booking an aphroditic suite at a glamorous old hotel, drawing a warm bath in a beautiful clawfoot tub, slipping in and observing the gorgeous room, soft pink walls, gilded accents, maybe victorian or art-deco in its style. and simply taking a razor blade wrist to elbow on each arm and letting the bathwater slowly pinken. maybe not quite a violent, vicious end, but a peaceful one. a beautiful one. something you’d see in some indie art film and think “that’s kind of cliche, but alright.”

[byegirl07]

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#depressed #depression #depressive #Suicide #im sorry #im done

[byegirl07]

I wish for human interaction, yet I am unable to keep.

I am constantly overwhelmed with so many intrusive thoughts that I eventually stop being able to pretend that I can function as a normal human.

I wish to hurt myself, to die, but I do not wish to not wish these things.

I want to talk about these things, I want them to be accepted.

But how can I expect someone to deal with this, I do not wish to burden people with it, they haven’t signed up for it.

It is a never ending search for being genuinely understood and cared for.

[byegirl07]

just wanna stay in bed all day

[byegirl07]

[byegirl07]

It’s complicated

I’m unmotivated but I know I want to do so many things

I sleep most of the day but I feel extremely tired

I have dreams that want to come true but I don’t 

I laugh but don’t feel happy

I smile but inside I’m numb 

I want to cry, to scream ... I stay silent 

I want to see my friends ... I choose to stay home

I want to go out with my family... I stay home

I want. to keep learning... I’m unable to concentrate

I organize my day and plan activities... I do nothing

I feel stressed yet I don’t care nor do anything to improve things

I want to escape from reality but I have to deal with it every single day

I try my best to stay positive but I’m like a tornado 

#depressed #depression #depressive #depressing #depressing shit #sorry #sorry for being absent #sad #sadness #sadness's #heartbroken #wrong

[byegirl07]

I’m falling into it again

[byegirl07]

[byegirl07]

it’s so awful to have everything but still not feel satisfied ... it’s like if something is missing ... I don’t know what 

#sad #sadness's #sadness #depressed #depression

[byegirl07]

You never realize how broken you are until you speak with someone and tears fall from your eyes

#depressed #depression #depressive #depressing #sad #sadness #sadgirl

[byegirl07]

I want to clean my room, I want to go for that walk, I want to read all the books on my TBR, I want to get up but I can't. Something doesn't allow me to live today, so I'll wait for it to leave and sleep in my bed for the whole day.

I'll wait for it to leave.

[byegirl07]

“im tired”

T- Tearing myself apart

I- Insane

R- Repulsive

E- Exhausted

D- Drowning in my tears

[byegirl07]

The hardest thing to swallow is that people knew exactly how much it would hurt - but they still choose to do it anyways.

[byegirl07]

I am a failure to what my younger self could've become.

[byegirl07]

“I rarely give up on people,so if I cut you off You probably deserve it.”

[byegirl07]

[byegirl07]