HANIF ABDURRAQIB
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reel by Barbara Crooker
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Wendell Berry, “I. [After the bitter nights]”
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-- Devin Kelly
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Franny Choi, Soft Science
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tracy brimhall, riddle at 29,000 feet.
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Mild Dry Lines: An Exchange, Christian Wiman
—You prick too liberal into alien pains,
and read too readily a grief you need to see
in order for the world to be the world
that ratifies the choices you’ve made.
You talk of callings, but a calling should
enlarge the life that it refines,
not grind its spice into some same mustard.
—If we could see the grief of any one life
it would be slag enough to crust a world
and any feeling being buried within.
But grief’s a craft like any other, it seems,
if only indirectly ours:
our skin’s inscripted with what nature knows.
The dead child chiseled in that woman’s cheek,
the battle smoldering off that old man’s brow,
our very mirrors, friend, these aging faces
with their lines of loneliness like pressured ice:
you would have them silenced?
—I would have them whole.
—As would I. As would anyone
whose life is lit, however dimly, by the light
of survival.
—I fear that by survival what you mean
is resignation, or, worse, a fictioned oblivion,
like the bull elephant that has outgrown
the stake that it was tied to as a calf:
it can’t break the rope that it could break
with ease.
—And I fear by wholeness what you mean
is merely the will to leaven fate with will,
that constipated sorrow called good cheer.
I won’t relapse from these mild dry lines
whose only consolation is their dryness,
that one might utter calmly utter blood.
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He is at home with his solitude as the note reverberating inside a bell. Prefers it. Will protect it to the death. Lives for protecting it the way a peregrine lives for killing other birds midflight. Does not want to communicate what the death and the beauty do to each other inside him.
The Dog Stars, Peter Heller
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Gregory Orr, from Poetry as Survival
(transcription below cut)
ONE OF STORY'S primary purposes is to lay claim to experience. Autobiographical storytelling can take personal experience back from silence, shame, fear, or oblivion. It says, "I cherish this," or, "This haunts me." It asserts the significance of events in one s life: "This happened to me." "I did this." "This is part of who I am." "This should not or will not disappear, and I act to preserve it by turning it to words and shaping them as story."
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bardo, peter gizzi
I've spent my life
in a lone mechanical whine,
this combustion far off.
How fathomless to be
embedded in glacial ice,
what piece of self hiding there.
I am not sure about meaning
but understand the wave.
No more Novalis out loud.
No Juan de la Cruz singing
"I do not die to die."
No solstice, midhaven, midi, nor twilight.
No isn't it amazing, no
none of that.
To crow, to crown, to cry, to crumble.
The trees the air warms into
a bright something
a bluish nothing into
clicks and pops
bursts and percussive runs.
I come with my asymmetries,
my untutored imagination.
Heathenish,
my homespun vision
sponsored by the winter sky.
Then someone said nether,
someone whirr.
And if I say the words
will you know them?
Is there world?
Are they still calling it that?
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... a story resolves nothing. The resolution of a story must occur in us, with what we make of the questions with which the story leaves us.
the devil finds work, james baldwin
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Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.
Henry Scott Holland, from "Death is Nothing at All"
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Lord Is Not a Word
Lord is not a word.
Song is not a salve.
Suffer the child, who lived
on sunlight and solitude.
Savor the man, craving
earth like an aftertaste.
To discover in one’s hand
two local stones the size
of a dead man’s eyes
saves no one, but to fling them
with a grace you did not know
you knew, to bring them
skimming homing
over blue, is to discover
the river from which they came.
Mild merciful amnesia
through which I’ve moved
as through a blue atmosphere
of almost and was,
how is it now,
like ruins unearthed by ruin,
my childhood should rise?
Lord, suffer me to sing
these wounds by which I am made
and marred, savor this creature
whose aloneness you ease and are.
- Christian Wiman
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Root Systems
Kay Ulanday Barrett
for Yolanda P. Salvo
I have this assignment to write on origins.
All I can think about is your rellenong
talong at sunrise, garlic thick air,
wisp of your floral dress sways on linoleum
as you commit to careful chemistry
of fried egg.
To say I have roots means all us kids,
knee deep in dirt. Means I only know how
to eat because you brought backyard, earth
soaked, each bite caressed by sweat of
forehead. The land gives us what we need
not like this country—
We didn’t get it then, you training us for end
of times, or maybe, bringing us back to our beginning.
Bold brown knuckles turned into baon, lunch time
snacks folded of banana leaf. To unwrap
gift every noon, map illustrated of rice, speckled
in sea spinach, while others ate bland
mashed potatoes. A spark of sili, proclamation
of patis, we held up sliced mangoes sculpted into bouquet.
Every summer, you took small seed, harsh stone,
harsh light, profuse cackle, grew it into momentum
to fuel every star speckled report card on the fridge,
every trophy shimmer slung over shoulder.
Our last photo together, San Fabian, July 2007—
96°F heat, palm tree silhouette on cheeks. You said
you liked my haircut, So Pogi! Big smirks. Fingertips
pressed on lychee skin, our version of prayer.
Not to mention, the way you taught me to pick
apart until we found tender.
How we knew somehow together,
there could be sweetness. You asked me to open
every fruit, juice like sprinkler from our old house.
This breaking apart. This delicate pouring.
This bulbous bounty. This bellyful harvest
was always ours, no matter the soil we stood on.
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“In My Next Life Let Me Be A Tomato” - Natasha Rao
lusting and unafraid. In this bipedal incarnation
I have always been scared of my own ripening,
mother standing outside the fitting room door.
I only become bright after Bloody Mary’s, only whole
in New Jersey summers where beefsteaks, like baubles,
sag in the yard, where we pass down heirlooms
in thin paper envelopes and I tend barefoot to a garden
that snakes with desire, unashamed to coil and spread.
Cherry Falls, Brandywine, Sweet Aperitif, I kneel
with a spool, staking and tying, checking each morning
after last night’s thunderstorm only to find more
sprawl, the tomatoes have no fear of wind and water,
they gain power from the lightning, while I, in this version
of life, retreat in bed to wither. In this life, rabbits
are afraid of my clumsy gait. In the next, let them come
willingly to nibble my lowest limbs, my outstretched
arm always offering something sweet. I want to return
from reincarnation’s spin covered in dirt and
buds. I want to be unabashed, audacious, to gobble
space, to blush deeper each day in the sun, knowing
I’ll end up in an eager mouth. An overly ripe tomato
will begin sprouting, so excited it is for more life,
so intent to be part of this world, trellising wildly.
For every time in this life I have thought of dying, let me
yield that much fruit in my next, skeleton drooping
under the weight of my own vivacity as I spread to take
more of this air, this fencepost, this forgiving light.
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At the New York City AIDS Memorial
Stefania Gomez
Your absence is a bisected city
block where a hospital once stood.
The footprint of a yellow house on Providence’s east side
we once shared. Demolished. A white pickup you drove
decorated with black dice. The ground beneath it
crumbled—poof—then paved over, engraved like verses
into stone. When I was told what happened to you,
I sank to the wet floor of a bar’s bathroom, furious
that you left us to reassemble ourselves
from rubble. To build, between subway stops,
some saccharine monument
pigeons shit on, empty except for a circle of queens
chattering, furnishing the air like ghosts. Your death
means I’m always equidistant from you,
no matter where I travel, where I linger,
misguided, hopeful. Last night, by candle light,
a woman unearthed me.
Together, she and I grieved
the impossibility of disappearing
into one another. Poof. Since you died,
erasure obsesses me. Among the photos at the memorial,
one of a banner that reads WHERE IS YOUR RAGE?
ACT UP FIGHT BACK FIGHT AIDS, carried by five
young men. Your face in each. Your beautiful face.
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