barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i mean im an adult, i guess, if that’s the word for it. a lot of things i used to care about i just say “Fuck It” and let go. 

but it’s incredible to me that there’s still so many passages to my soul. how just a group of teenagers looking at me and laughing makes my teeth hurt. how someone’s comment sends me back to high school bullying. how i am constantly asking myself are they even really my friends? 

i don’t know. i never throw myself birthday parties because my worst nightmare would be that nobody shows. i just wonder if there’s ever a time that your last insecurities let go. i’ve only ever found that kind of freedom at the honey lips of tequila. i want to be brave at two pm on a sunday. i want to actually not care what they say. i want to be the kind of witch that laughs through the burning.

i don’t know. i hope i’m learning.

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

some days i think you’re my yellow umbrella.

somedays you feel like my blue french horn.

but more times than i’d like to admit... you’re my karen...

#mine #writings #himym #yellow umbrella #blue french horn #this feels like it’s a breakup poem #it’s not #just a realization #pls stop being karen #ramblings #please be in it 100% #or it won’t work #i want it to work #i need it too #i need you #dumb words

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

nothing makes sense and everything's a fucking mess but one thing i know is when im with you i feel like everything's more bearable. like maybe things will be okay. maybe things don't have to make sense i'm still trying. i will always try for you. you're my everything.

#mine #words #writers on tumblr #i don't want us to be over #i know you want to give up on us #just know i won't #i love you #i'm still trying #i will always try #ramblings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

it's only a matter of time... i think car wreck but what if that doesn't work... probably won't... i can't do anything right...

#ramblings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

another night talking to the stars wishing i could go home while lying in my own front yard. nowhere feels like home anymore i don't know where i want to go. i don't know who i want to be i just know that i'm tired of who and where i've been.

#words #mine #lost #confused #i want to go home #i don't know where home is anymore #writers on tumblr #shitty writers on tumblr #i don't know what i'm doing #but i know i want to die

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i know i'm too clingy and codependent could be my middle name i do everything i can to make me seem more sane. more normal. more like who you want me to be. it's annoying and exhausting putting up with me and all my thoughts. i try to keep them buried. tucked away in a mausoleum deep in the forest but even locked doors come open and these days it doesn't take much. i keep saying i'm trying but we both know i'm not. my version of trying just includes not ending everything. i could try more. but just living is taking all my energy and soon there's going to be nothing left but pages upon pages of nonsense that somehow picked the lock, escaped those four walls and surfaced up and somehow found it's way here... i know i'm too clingy and codependent should be my middle name. but if you can promise me you won't give up then i promise i will do the same. things have to be okay.

#mine #writings #spoken word poetry #july writings #writers on tumblr #things will be okay #spilled words #late night thoughts #car ride writings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

every time i hear a car drive by playing loud music i get really anxious that it's you coming to see me... but it never is...

#i miss hearing you pull up everyday when you got off work #i miss when i had you #and we were happy #i miss you #but i don't think you miss me #ramblings #letter to him

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

he doesn't care

#ramblings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i want to trust you. i do. but everything is telling me not too. you acted like it was totally fine that she was asleep cuddled next to you. you act like everything's fine. but i don't think it is. a small part of me thinks maybe it'd be a good idea if you went back to Illinois for a while... get stuff figured out. but most of me wants you here with me. but most of the time you're not with me... and when you are physically... i don't really feel like you're here here... like right now you're asleep... and i've tried many times to wake you but i'm still alone. i guess i just want things to go back to how they were... back when you first came down here and we first started hanging out everyday. back when i was happy. dear god was i happy. everything made sense. everything felt right. now i just feel like i'm drowning and i keep clinging to you because i thought you could help me resurface. but maybe we're both just sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss... i love you. i have never loved someone or something as much as i love you, not even myself... maybe that's the problem. maybe i'm problem... i just want to know with 100% of my heart that you only want me. and that it will never change. i want to know that i can trust you. i want to know that we will be okay i want to be okay. okay?

#things will be be okay #won't they? #i hope you reply to this #mine #writings #writers #words #letter to him #i just want to know

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

the rain hasn't stoped for 3 days it seems fitting that the storms outside my window have synced up with the storm inside my head. my eyes haven't been dry in about a week and i have no real reason to be upset i don't think but when i'm alone i can only think about the loneliness the fact that you're not here and i miss being able to hug you anytime i want i know i shouldn't be so hung up on someone who can't even be there for me when i need them the most. why aren't you here for me anymore? what did i do wrong? you say you only want me. but you're making it really hard for me to want me alive. i try. i do. but you seem to be doing just fine.

#mine #writings #i'm tired of crying #i'm tired of trying #i don't think you care anymore #words

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i would love to think about moving out without bursting into tears

#what if we had moved in with them? #how long would they have snuck around and lied to me? #i just wish i could get over it #i don't think i will tho #i think it'll always be there #ramblings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i sad and i wish he was here

#ramblings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i found a really dull blade and now i'm starting to regret it bc my leg is really sore and i want to cry

#ramblings #tw #i'm sorry

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

does it ever get easier? will i ever stop thinking about it? will i ever be okay... like really okay? because it just seems to be getting worse... i just wish i understood...

#ramblings

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

i just want to talk to you but i can't even do that without feeling like the most annoying person in the world

#i'm sorry #please please don't hate me #i just want things to be okay #but nothing feels okay

[barefoot-tryingto-changetheworld]

everything hurts and i feel like i'm drowning and i don't think i can do this anymore