asecretlifeofascorpio
My Inner Thoughts
about my life
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Writing on the walls
So my parents have been fighting for year. Probably sence around the time i reached middle school they started to get on eachothers nerves slowly moving farther apart from each other as a couple. Well welcome 2019 with a nice slap in the face to the upcoming events. I feel my security grow smaller as I was so welcomed home to my dads things missing about the house but him still in the living room. I guess he has desided to move into the basement... Oh joy this is totally gona work...(said no one ever) what doesnt help is they put me the center of there problems. This morning I was dragged in an example on what my mom was doing wrong with me??? I guess?? I am not even sure what but it made my mom retort an my dad yell, for end the end my mom blaming me? Idk. I feel she is slowly growing to hate me... I need to move out but I dought that would save their relationship but it at least might help me save my own relationships with each of them individually. My dad didnt even stay up an give my mom a new years kiss he went to bed 5 mins before the ball dropped an told her not to bother him. I just dont understand. I would be lieing if I didnt say I wasnt feeling really tore about what going on clearly infrount of my eyes. My mom is clearly distraught from todays events that took place. An my dad is acting ike nothing has happend. It makes no sence... Well I guess all I can do is watch this clusterfuck hit full capacity an blow up. Yaya me.... Happy New Year
#newyear#newyearseve#newyears2019#parents#toxic people#toxicity#toxic#yelling#fighting#leaving#writingonthewall
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At it again
An the morning starts with me waking up to my parents in a screaming match. Oh joy.....
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Other sites to find me on coming soon. Personally I plan on sticking around until the end, but the writing’s on the wall.
We had a good run. <3
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What can I even do...
My mother comes to me to vent about how terrible dad is to that day an I really dont want to hear abiut it...but she does it over an over. How did I end up being the therapist for there problems. I am the kid even if I am grown its hard. I gave my advise but they dont agree with it an yet still vent at me. I feel like the punching bag for my mothers problems with dad. My father an I finally have a descent relationship an I think my mother envys it. I think thats why she like to point out his flaws to me. Idk she just wont stop it. Cant she see its hard on me. After years of this all I can see is maybe they should just get a divorce... My father doesnt respect my mom the way he should an think its part of the reason I have problems finding guys that are good because I see that something I can ignore instead of something I shouldn't put up with.
I feel like it wont stop till I leave. An even then it will be there but not seeping toxicity into my brain from the source.
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Another Day Another Arguement
The Parents have been at it again... An I know its not helping my mental state but mother has noone to talk to so she vents to me. I dont think she relizes with all she says the worries an weight it puts apon me. She treats me as a child in everyway but then wants me to be her therapist about her problems. Dads not as bad. But see the way he treats her an its not the best example of what i should be looking for in someone. I feel lost an confused but I know it wont change...
Come on buttercup buck up!
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The thoughts that seep through to my soul...
Voices, whispers in the back of your head like a weight so heavy in your chest you can barley breath. His words beating me down. I am not good enough, noone will ever love me, I have to many problems to love. Deserving you say? Me? Oh no... It couldnt be. The man I loved before taught me better to think that. I am crazy, I remember wrong, my anger is out of control tho he is the one that pushes me agaisnt the walls an screams into my soul if only I hadn't done this or that he wouldn't have to hurt me. I make him do it. I am no good not ment for love but to be traded like a pond to satisfie his needs. His demons are my demons an mine are not even acknowledge. Finally tossed aside after years of misuses not even thought of like an old toy in an attic. Forgotten an looked straight through like I was never his at all. Like we share nothing when I had given my heart, my being to him to be betrayed in the worse kind of way....
1yr an 8 months later...
I still feel you stuck inside my head....
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The Blame Game
Everyday its like a blame game. They yell an fight, screaming, seeing who can get loader. I might be grown but it still sure does a metal fuck on your brain.. I feel like I am in highschool again; stuck in my room music blasting through my headphones. Trying to find quiet an piece. My ex still invades my thoughts when things like this happen. I see his an I relationship mirrored in my parents. Not as bad but it seems only steps away. I never have talked to anyone about all of this. Thats why I am here. Venting to no one in particular on the annonymous page. I never have felt like anything have gone through is valid enough to actually complain about so I just breath an move forward. One step, one day at a time not blaming anyone but myself for what happens in my life. People say God will only give you as much as you can handle so I say bring it on. I will handle it all, an on my own. I got this...because if I dont I know I will surely die.
The confessions of a Scorpios Inner Life
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Toxic Parents
So I think my parents are toxic for eachother. They fight all the time an it gets to a point of violence almost on many accounts. My father will yell an threaten my mother. An my mom eggs him on. She says things that see to fuel the fire. I just don't know what to do. I am grown an still at home but in a continent state of worry that I will soon have no place to go. I only moved back after circumstance out of my control. But this has been going on for a very long time. I use to be very scared of my father but what my ex taught me is there just bones they may break but backbone can over come that fear. I just dont know what to do. Seeing my father an mother interact the way they do might be why I have been in the relationships I have been... I just feel so hopeless. Not know what I can do to help. Maybe... Nothing...
I dont want them to separate but it might be best for there happiness an health.
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