21daysofhealing

[21daysofhealing]

Empathy and Depression

One thing that I found on my path to the healing is empathy and kindness. For years, I have been harsh to myself , telling that I am not good enough. Eventually, I began seeing flaws in others as well.

When someone couldn't finish a task, or was being a 'slacker' due to their personal problems, I would call them names. I would feel that they are dumb, inefficient and they could not really 'get their shit together'. On my way, I realized that this was what I felt about myself.

I always felt that I was a waste of resources. I was creative, yet could never express my creativity in a positive way . I would fail at everything I wanted to do, and literally beat the shit out of me at every failure. It hurt. It eventually broke me down ,too. I couldn't understand myself.

Now, as I have begin healing, I have found my way out of rut. I am kinder to myself, and also to the people around. I am not quick to judge people. I understand that at times, even with the best intentions, we fail. We fail to keep promises we had never intended to break...

That is how life is... Unfair, never ideal, but real... and the sooner we accept our reality, better life is for us.

#s #social anxiety #depression thoughts #healing from depression #self healin

[21daysofhealing]

Why is everything so Heavy?

I don't like my mind right now....

You wake up one morning, all happy and hail, singing loudly, working out merrily, and suddenly, a cloud of something comes up ,taking away all the sunshine.

What do you need to do then? All of a sudden all the bad memories come back to you... the guys who body shamed you when you were 15, the person who walked away from you without giving you any reason, and everything that makes you feel bad about yourself comes rushing back to you. You do not find sense in it. You know it is senseless , yet you have no choice... the weight is unbearable.

You just keep drowning in that ocean of self loathing, carrying a weight heavier than you can ever bear. You want it to end, end as soon as possible, it doesn't. You don't have a choice but to wait, wait for it to go away...

That's when you realize that you have a choice... a choice to leave that weight and let loose. You have a choice to let it go, you just are not able to make it.

You decide to try. You decide to let loose the chains that you are holding so tight. Slowly, the weight starts moving, and going deep into the ocean . You gasp for the breath, but make your way to the shore... Slowly, it is the weight that drowns, and you are set free... you are free...

#21 days of healing #mental health #being you #healing #i will survive

[21daysofhealing]

Dealing With Depression

I would get it straight out of my head- depression has become ubiquitous now. Almost every third person I know is dealing with some or the other mental health issue. When did this begin? Why didn’t anyone do anything to stop it? AND WHY DOES EVERYONE WHO SUFFERS, CHOOSES TO SUFFER IN SILENCE?

These are the questions that I try to find answers to, but cannot. I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago, but I am suffering from it for more than a decade  now, and the seed to it was sown a decade before that. So, in  three decades of my existence, I have been suffering for two , and no one questioned me. No one was concerned. They would say I act weird at times, but nothing more than that. With time, I accepted it to be a part of my personality and did nothing about it.

It hurt. I would ask for some miracle to happen, to make me understand what was going on in my mind?To make me understand why I would feel so, so exhausted, even when I had just woken up? It was as painful as being trapped under tonnes of invisible weight. People would say that, they would literally ask me why I would have this smug face? I had no answers then , and I believe I am still on the way to find them.

From last few months, I decided to turn things a bit, to address problems head on ,than to hide or run away from them. To be honest, it is still difficult. There are days when I am too depressed. There are days when I completely shut down on the people around me, when I abandon all my personal projects, and roll in the bed like a ball, with nothing but absolute shit going inside my mind, with crying for no reasons, with nothingness all around.

Yet , somewhere I am getting stronger. It feels like strength training now. It feels as if I am doing a mental workout to deal grow my imaginary mental abs. Some days are difficult. On some days, I am terribly sore. On some days, I have all reasons to get up , but no energy to do so. Yet I am healing- one day at a time. These 21 days are my experiences with this healing. I never know where they will lead, but I am determined this time- to heal... n I am in no hurry. I’ll be the snail that I am and conquer the mountain, half inch at a time.

:)

#depression #healing #positivity #one step at a time #taking it slow #no more suffering