zoe-is-a-mess

[zoe-is-a-mess]

lil updates about me for whoever's interested!

I'm finally going through the process of getting an autism diagnosis!! I found a new therapist and she wasnt sure at first, but she did some research and said I might be autistic, but I would have to go to a specialist to get a full assesment. I can't afford that right now but she said we would continue talking about it and if she strongly feels I should get a diagnosis, she'll refer me to one.

As for the second update, I went to my psychiatrist yesterday (whom I haven't told about the autism stuff yet) and he said I can grt disability benefits for my bipolar disorder!! This is a huge step, I wouldn't have to pay for any of my meds, as well as having access to free public transportation. Literally a lifesaver!!!

I have to fill out a bunch of forms and submit them, but after struggling for so long I am so happy I'm getting taken seriously and going to be receiving benefits. This is such a relief.

It's also kinda nice to be able to call myself disabled, I always felt like I couldn't because other people have it so much worse, but having a piece of paper saying that is so validating.

#personal #zoeisamess #mental illness #bipolar disorder #recovery #mental health #autism #disabled

[zoe-is-a-mess]

4 days until wet rat wednesday

[zoe-is-a-mess]

Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad

[zoe-is-a-mess]

people have said good things about you behind your back, without your knowledge. people have shared their love for you with others.

[zoe-is-a-mess]

we all have our own crosses to bear. for example. sometimes i enjoy a panic at the disco song

[zoe-is-a-mess]

isn't it crazy that lithium was formed in the first few minutes after the big bang like that's my mood stabilizer lol

[zoe-is-a-mess]

Y'know, if a formerly well-behaved straight A student suddenly starts almost not passing their classes and crying all the time and getting into trouble, maybe the default conclusion from every authority figure should not be that they are lazy and simply need to pull themselves together. Maybe instead you should give them stimulants or HRT or let them kill their parents and see if one of those three things resolves the issue.

[zoe-is-a-mess]

[zoe-is-a-mess]

when susan sontag wrote “I must change my life so that I can live it, not wait for it”

[zoe-is-a-mess]

Life is not over when you turn 30. If anything, life is more stable and enjoyable and you're more mature. Everyone who's over 30 tells me how much safer they feel in life and that their 20's really was for trauma, pain, mental illness and that their 30's are a safer space and a happier space. Being scared to get older is such a brainwashing, ageist thing. Good things are coming.

[zoe-is-a-mess]

Today my job is having an end of year gathering.

I don't know where or what time it is, even when I wrote my name down on the spreadsheet to let everyone know I was attending.

It is clear I'm the only one who doesn't know this information since no one else is asking. They probably just forgot to add me to a group or something, since I'm new.

But a part of me feels like they didn't want me there. I am taken back to high school when people would make plans in front of me and "invite me" but I would never get the details.

The feeling of inadequacy is back, like everyone knows something I don't, like everyone has already realized I'm weird, no matter how much I tried to hide it this time.

And now I've made a fool of myself by asking for the address. I did get it, but I still don't know what time I should be there. It's far so i'm not just going to take an uber at a random time, hoping it's what they told everyone else.

I feel so fucking stupid by even trying to go... and then monday comes and everyone sees my messages and realises I didn't go because no one told me anything and it's fucking awkward.

#personal #zoeisamess #work

[zoe-is-a-mess]

literally all you have to know about dan and phil's relationship is that they are soulmates/life companions. people can discuss all they want like are they queerplatonic? a monogamous couple? in an open relationship? but like... none of that changes what they mean to each other. they've been together for 14 years and designed a house and share living and working space. Dan waxes poetic in interviews about how their relationship is deeper than any typical human relationship... they literally posted a joint nude for April Fools and Dan gave Phil an "Official DILF" cake for his birthday, and that's just a couple highlights of what's happened THIS YEAR. like they are so comfortable and committed to each other, that's all that matters. it actually makes me go a little insane just thinking about it...

[zoe-is-a-mess]

describing what's been going on in danandphilgames lately feels like it warrants a "and then fall out boy walks in frame holding a pride flag" afterwards

[zoe-is-a-mess]

why do i still see discourse about if dan and phil are actually together who the hell cares dan is wearing a sexy nun costume and phil is dropping fucks left and right get ur priorities gay

[zoe-is-a-mess]

When I was a kid, my dad hated when I hung up anything on my walls. My art, band posters, movie posters, anything. Not with taxks, not with tape (it “ripped the paint off”) not with anything. At one point in 5th or 6th grade he came in my room and found me hanging up a Diary of a Wimpy Kid poster with tacos and he was like “EVERY HOLE YOU PUT IN THE WALL TAKES $10 OFF THE VALUE OF THE HOUSE.” so when I was mad at him, I’d insert tacks into the wall in places he couldn’t easily see just out of spite. Whoever owns the house now is probably wondering about it.

[zoe-is-a-mess]

[zoe-is-a-mess]

So a free tool called GLAZE has been developed that allows artists to cloak their artwork so it can't be mimicked by AI art tools.

AI art bros are big mad about it.