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Last weekend, we went camping and hiking at a state park. It was really pretty, and we saw three deer. We called five of our friends while we were at the cabin. On the drive back, we went shopping at the outlet malls. A thing about having DID/OSDD is that you buy all sorts of clothes—feminine clothes, masculine clothes, childish clothes, formal clothes, colorful clothes, dark clothes… if someone were to look at our closet, they’d probably think “Oh, multiple people share that closet” and they’re technically not wrong.
We went to an indoor playground with our brother and we hadn’t been there in years. Afterward, we went to The Original Pancake House and got delicious strawberry crepes. Then, we went to the library and I got a bunch of books for the littles (child alters). Ruby likes The Critter Club, Dory Fantasmagory, and Sophie Mouse, and Evie likes all of those plus The Boxcar Children, The Babysitters Club, and The Magic Treehouse.
Two weekends ago, I had a tabling event for ANSR—Association for Nonsmokers Minnesota, we’re advocating to end the sale of flavored tobacco. The tabling event was at a Powwow—Native American dance. It was the first Powwow I’d been to. A girl from another school and I got over 100 people to sign cards to mail to local governors advocating to end the sale of flavored tobacco. The ANSR advisors said that was amazing, that sometimes people only get around 20 cards signed, and that we got more cards signed than any time he’s ever seen. I said "Hi! We're association for nonsmokers, we're advocating to end the sale of flavored tobacco. Would you help support our cause by signing this card? Feel free to keep the pen and take candy, sticky notes, stickers, and chapstick. This (paper) is to spread awareness on ending the sale of flavored tobacco, and if you have anyone in your life trying to quit, this (paper) is a resource.” It was a pretty big boost to my confidence, and I also got paid for it.
Last week, my DECA advisor gave me a shirt he’d gotten for me from the state competition. He said he felt like I worked so hard, put in so much effort, and that my business plan was so good, and that didn’t get acknowledged at the district competition. He got me the shirt because he felt like I should’ve been at the state competition, and that meant a lot to me. After he came back from the national 2024 DECA competition in Anaheim California, he told me that somebody from our school placed top 10 in one of the competitive events. While I wish I could’ve been there, I’m really happy for her.
This weekend, I watched the Disney movie Wish with my mentor. I thought it was good. I won’t give any spoilers. The star was really cute.
There was a girl at school, and I’ve seen that she has some issues, she swears at people a lot and gets into physical fights. She came up to me and I was wearing a shirt that said “Gender-affirming healthcare saves lives”. She read it out loud and laughed, then got her friends’ attention and they laughed at me too. I was kind of frustrated because it’s hard enough to exist as a trans person without other people’s disrespect and hate. Then she asked, “What’s your opinion on vaping in the bathroom?” I didn’t want to tell her how against it I was because she’d likely retaliate against me, so I hesitated and said “Uh, I’m not going to answer that.” Then, the next day, she came up to me with her friends and said “What do you think about vaping?” I debated whether or not I should tell a behavior interventionist. I didn’t want to come off as the type of person who tattles on every little thing. But at the same time, I didn’t like how she was messing with me, and I’d seen her get aggressive with people before. I did end up telling a behavior interventionist after the second time, he talked to her and she’s going to leave me alone now. If she messes with me again, he says I should stand up to her, that she’s not going to get physically aggressive with me, and tell a behavior interventionist right away.
To end on a good note, Evie (a child alter) was reading Dory Fantasmagory on our Instagram live and lots of friends were there watching and commenting. Eventually, Avery and I came to front, and we googled fun and lighthearted questions to ask each other and shared our answers. It was a really lovely time and we’re grateful for all our online friends.
Thank you for all your support and encouragement!
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Happy Monday!
Valentine’s Day was super fun! I got flowers from three friends, a bracelet from a friend, and candy from another friend.
I went to a boba tea place with two friends I haven’t seen in quite some time.
I practiced singing Tate McRae’s new album Think Later. I’m going to her concert in August!
DBT has been going well, I’m learning new skills and getting support.
I went to a teen self-care night with my mentor. We blew up balloons and wrote down everything that was stressing us on them, and then popped the balloons. We also made slime and lip scrub.
I went on a long bike ride to the store and the mall.
I went to my school’s choir concert. I wasn’t in it, but four of my friends were. All four of those friends hugged me and I was so happy. My friend and her sister are literally the sweetest sisters I’ve ever seen. It was so amazing, but also emotional. During the performance I was sitting next to some people and they said “(friend’s name) good job” and I said “Oh you know (friend’s name)?” And they were like “Yeah we’re her parents” and internally I was like omg. And I was thinking about if I could ask that friend if I could hug her after the performance and if I should look away while I ask so she has the opportunity to say no and if I should just ask her if I could high-five instead (we aren’t that close after some things that happened last year) and I was so lost in my thoughts that I missed the clapping time at the end of two songs. But then I was in the choir room with three of my friends and all the others and she smiled and put her arm around me in a hug and said “It was nice to see you” and I was like omg. Also my FP (favorite person, it’s a BPD term, basically a very special attachment figure, in this case my best friend) was really happy and I love seeing her happy. After the concert ended she got up on the stage and started doing silly dances and one of her friends yelled “(FP’s name) what are you doing on the stage” hahaha. And my FP’s partner/my other friend looked so amazing they were wearing this slay outfit and their makeup was yummyalicious. I love them so much. They’re literally the most amazing friends I could imagine. I hope we’re friends for the rest of our lives because I’m just so glad we met. They’re so sweet and supportive and silly and we just understand each other so well. There was a song about saying goodbye to a relationship and I thought of how I never want to lose them. And afterward in the choir room my friend’s younger sister was crying like sobbing because she had a solo and she did well and she was also really tired from a lot of songs and my friend was holding her and stroking her hair and caressing her cheek wiping her tears away and kissing her forehead like omg these are the sweetest sisters in the entire world I wish I had a sister like that. And my FP’s partner/my other friend was wearing heels and they were happy about being taller than they usually are (they’re my height) but they were uncomfortable on their feet especially after running in them and so they took them off but then they were shorter again and they were like nooo I’ve lost my height and ran up onto the choir stand thing idk equivalent of bleachers but for choir for people to stand on, it was really funny.
Evie was out and she drew a picture with crayons.
I went to my school’s one-acts (short theater plays) and they were definitely interesting, the first one was my favorite. My FP was a crew member and it was lovely to see her.
Thank you for being here and have a wonderful week!
-Everett
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Updates from these past few weeks!
I started my DBT group and I’ve really enjoyed it so far, I think it’s going to be very helpful.
Two friends came over after school and we spent most of the time eating microwave food but it was nice to spend time with them outside of school.
I did a lot of writing for a DECA assignment, we’re in our social media marketing unit and I planned 30 days of Instagram content.
I ate lunch with two friends, a freshmen and a sophomore, they didn’t know each other so I introduced them.
It was Sara’s birthday on the 3rd so we celebrated that by going to a restaurant. It was a super good local family-owned restaurant, one of our favorites. We brought our dog in a backpack carrier and we met the owner which was super cool because the restaurant had won many awards and had been around for a long time. He got to meet my dog and we talked a bit.
I had work and did chores.
I had a crisis intervention person come to my house to work with me, it was something that I was referred to after I had gotten out of the hospital. We reviewed how the past week had been and planned who got to be out and when so we could use our self-care. She said she's glad that the DBT group has been going well, she gave me her phone number and told her to text or call if I needed her, and I'm meeting with her once a week for the next few months to work through things that come up.
I had a meeting for ANSR (association for nonsmokers Minnesota) and we talked about Day at the Capital which is on March 5th. We’ll talk with state legislators about ending the sale of flavored tobacco. We reviewed the hook, line, sinker method. The hook is your introduction, your name, where you’re from, your grade, your association. The line is explaining why it’s important to you that the sale of flavored tobacco ends. The sinker is when we ask them if they’re with us in signing the end of the sale of flavored tobacco.
I’m also making posters with coping skills to hang up in the bathrooms. There’s an escape the vape video challenge run by the Minnesota Department of Public Health, it’s for teenagers to make a creative 30 second video convincing their peers to stop vaping or not to start in the first place. My friend and I came up with some great ideas and we planned to film it today but my mom said I had to cancel having her over because I didn’t get my homework done and I also called into work yesterday because I was barely able to get any sleep and was way too tired to function and perform and that’s not okay. We’ll find another time to film it and this time I’ll try to have my assignments in and make sure I’m going to work.
One of my friends shared that their mom was being very mean, rude, inappropriate, and emotionally abusive to them. They said that their mom said that all Liv does is lie, that’s all they are and all they do, she doesn’t even know who they are anymore and she doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t want a relationship with them, and basically called them worthless in a bunch of ways. I was there to support them and empathize with them, I told them that’s not okay for her to do and say and it wasn’t their fault, they didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s completely valid to be very hurt because what she did and said was very hurtful and they don’t deserve that, even if they did lie about something, which they didn’t even do. I told them that they deserve a safe, loving, stable, supportive mom, and I’m so sorry they don’t get that.
It was Waffle Wednesday, which is one Wednesday a month when the theater kids sell gluten-free dairy-free waffles to fundraise for theater, choir, and prom, so Liv and I got some waffles. They were good for being dairy-free gluten-free waffles. When I was in DBT, I shared that I had been singing to cope, and the group leader asked what I had been singing. I said my favorite artists were Tate McRae, Ava Max, Sara Kays, and Kenya Grace, and the other DBT participants really loved those artists too! So we bonded over that.
I got food from the food shelf at school because my mom had the biggest presentation of the year with the CEO this week and she didn’t have time to cook. I got pancake mix and made pancakes and felt competent.
My school is selling flowers for Valentine’s Day. You can buy flowers for people and write them notes, so I bought ten flowers and they’ll go to eight friends and two friendly acquaintances. I got one of my best friends a little box of lavender vanilla scented body care products at Bath and Body Works because she gave me some lavender lotion for Christmas.
There’s been a series of incidents happening at school with a girl who is immature and disrespectful and up to no good, I’m not going to explain the situation right now because it stresses me out but I met with a BI (behavioral interventionist) and explained everything, all context for the whole situation. But before I did that I introduced myself because I hadn’t formally met this BI before and I explained that I come into this with respect and I am not looking for trouble I’m trying to prevent it and I don’t want drama I want the drama to end because I don’t have time or space in my life for drama.
I went through the notes I took. He said he loves my personality and this was the first time we had sat down and talked but he says I’m very mature for my age and he wants me to always keep that about me because there are few people who are in the realm of understanding that I am and coming from the place that I am coming from and he loves when students advocate for themselves like I am doing and that I am very good with my words and he loves my vibe and values and what I stand for. That really made my day and made me feel special.
-Everett
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Hello and welcome back to our diary entry forum! It's been some time and we're excited to give updates.
Two of our usual notes:
*When we use plural pronouns we are referring to all or multiple of us, when we use singular pronouns we are referring to just whoever is fronting.
*We will use first initials of our friends and other people in our life because we don't want people from our IRL life to find this.
Our mom got married in Vegas. While she was gone, Fawne and Ruby had a day out and they enjoyed it so much. They wore littlespace clothes, cuddled with stuffed animals, read Elephant and Piggie and Dory Fantasmagory, and watched Blue's Clues, Kai-Lan, and Bluey.
For Halloween, we dressed up as a pink bunny. We got a decent amount of candy and our brother got a bunch of Pokemon cards because multiple people were giving them out!
We had an onboarding appointment at our new job. We're going to be a dietary server at an assisted living home. During the appointment, we filled out paperwork and learned about the training we'll need to do.
We went do dog agility class and open ring, which is always fun. Our dog was really excited to be there since we had missed the previous week because of Halloween. He was so fast that people joked about him being a rocket.
We went to the local library with one of our best friends, K. K isn't allowed to hang out with friends outside of school because of cultural reasons, she's Hmong and her parents are very traditional and religious. Because of this, we had to be stealth. She told her dad she was staying after school with a teacher. As soon as school was out, we walked to the local library from our school and did our homework and talked. We walked back in time for her activity bus which brought her home. This was the first time we had hung out 1-on-1 and it was really fun and exciting! She's an amazing friend and we're looking forward to spending more time with her.
We got into an autism mentorship program, after being on the waitlist for a while. Our mentor is transmasculine, his partner is non-binary, they're both autistic, and he is a school psychologist who works with non-verbal autistic kids. We were really excited to meet him because it's great to know a young adult who is transmasculine and autistic and into psychology.
We went to a coffee shop with our mentor and got hot cocoa and banana bread with chocolate chips. We sat and talked for about an hour and a half and had a really nice conversation about lots of different things. We enjoy spending time with her and she also got exciting news that she got into PA school, which she had been waiting for for years!
Thank you for reading and have a wonderful weekend!
-Everett, Sara, and Amaya
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This week has been eventful! We got 12 inches cut off of our hair and it's still past our shoulders! This was partly because we wanted something new, and partly for the littles, so they could wear certain littlespace hairstyles without it looking weird from our hair being so long. We also got a pink bunny costume type thing and it has a hood with bunny ears. It's mainly for the littles but it's also going to be our Halloween costume. We had practice for the preventing bullying and youth hate crimes government run virtual symposium, and the panelists were blown away by our answers and writing. We're really proud, especially since there are going to be over 2000 people watching.
We had our first meeting for the anti-vaping program. As soon as we walked in, this girl smiled at us and she just was really welcoming and approachable. We sat next to her, she introduced herself and Everett introduced themself and we made small talk. Her friends were there too. She and her friends go to a different high school. It was really super nice to get to talk with genuine people. So many people who go to our school are just braindead screen addicts. We know that might sound harsh, but really, they don't care about anything but their phones, and they always prioritize social media over actually talking with people. We often feel alone in our classes despite going to such a huge high school because no one in our classes really talks to each other, they just care about their phones, unless they're like best friends and in that case they only care about their phones and each other. Since coming to high school last year, we've always tried to form real connections with people who also genuinely care about making connections, but it's really not easy because of how few people care about anything other than their phones. Anyway, our point is that we were very glad to meet that girl and her friends and we look forward to talking with her next meeting. We feel like she's an actual real person who cares about people and things instead of a screen zombie. During the meeting, we learned about how our program's goal is to reduce youth vaping in Minnesota by 30% by 2025, what that process looks like, and how nicotine is dangerous and harmful.
We had our first official meeting for DECA, the entrepreneurship program we're in. Again, our goal is to qualify for the state competition. We're really excited to be a part of this.
Everett had a dysphoria-induced breakdown and it was really bad. They hadn't fallen asleep until past midnight the previous night because they felt so trapped and suffocated and disgusted by our body and they've been misgendered a lot lately. They texted their friend about it and their friend supported them so well; it was amazing to have those caring words and we're so grateful. We don't know where we'd be without this friend, she's helped us in many ways. Then, two days later, our mom asked Everett why they use they/them pronouns and they spent three minutes pouring their heart out explaining. They told her it's because those are the pronouns they identify with and the pronouns they feel comfortable using and they feel seen and heard when people use those pronouns for them because every time someone calls them she they're showing them they don't care about who they are they don't hear their voice they don't hear their pain. She says isn't that just wanting to be gender neutral and they say no it's not about that look at me do I look gender neutral no I look like society's image of a girl but I am non-binary that's what it's about I am not a man or a woman I am not a boy or a girl and she says but you have two X chromosomes and they say it's not about what you're born with it's what you identify as trans girls have XY chromosomes and they are not male they are female gender isn't defined by chromosomes and she says she doesn't understand and walks away. That felt horrible and triggered them very badly and they were crying for a long time. They tried to reach one of two of our friends but they weren't able to support us. In the end we got through it, we always do, but it was just a really ugly experience.
Something we've noticed is that our system switches have become a more noticeable shift in our mind. We sometimes switch to certain people when we don't want to and struggle to switch back, so we made a list of switching triggers for each person. Switching triggers are things that trigger a person out of the headspace, they are not trauma triggers and they're not necessarily bad.
We were watching a documentary in our world studies class and goofing around with our classmate because the documentary was in another language and they had the translated subtitles and then the subtitles that were in English that were trying to guess what the words were saying even though he was speaking in another language. There was a man speaking and the automated subtitles said "I need a husband hotel, I'll invite custard in Christ anoxia vinegar fold the envelope" and we and our classmate were laughing.
We had a job interview for a server position at a nursing home and we got the job! We're very excited and proud of ourselves for saying the right things! We start next week.
Thank you for reading, and have an amazing weekend!
-Sara and Everett
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We’re looking forward to participating in several programs we recently got involved in. We’re speaking in a government-run Preventing Youth Hate Crimes and Identity-Based Bullying Virtual Symposium, talking about what bullying means to us, why it’s damaging, and ideas we have on how to reduce it. We’re also participating and competing in DECA, which is an entrepreneurship program for high school students. We’re super excited about this; our business idea is a dog breed consultant website business. Our target market is people who are in the market for a dog but don’t know which breeds would be suitable for their lifestyle. We’re writing up a business plan, making a presentation, and presenting it to the judges, who will grade us on a rubric. If we qualify, we will go to state, and if we qualify after that, we will go to nationals. Our goal is to get to state. We don’t want to get our hopes up too high with nationals, as this is our first year doing this, but we are really passionate about our business idea. Another part of DECA is learning interview skills, like how to ask good questions and what things to elaborate on. We have a job interview on Wednesday for a nursing home server position, and we’re nervous. We want to get the job because the position sounds ideal for us and the hours are also realistic. We are also getting involved in a year-long against vaping paid opportunity for bettering our community by reducing vaping by 30%. Because we recently got involved in all these projects, we had to discontinue with theater crew. We aren’t too disappointed because our friend couldn’t continue with it either, and we really only wanted to be in it to have that experience with our friend. It’s also a big time commitment and it doesn’t have a positive effect on resumes and college applications, versus DECA, the against vaping opportunity, and the preventing bullying virtual symposium will look good on resumes and college applications. We will still come and watch the production, especially because our friend will be in it.
Last weekend, we went to our grandparents’ place and they took us to an apple orchard. It had the best apples we’ve ever had! They were honeycrisp, but better than any honeycrisp we’ve tasted before. We picked a bunch of apples and made three apple pies! One for my parent who we don’t live with and our brother, one for our grandparents and our great aunt, and one for us and our parent who we do live with. We also then went on a scenic bike ride, which would have been nice but it was unseasonably hot.
Thank you for being here, and have a great weekend!
-Everett and Sara
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A quick note about pronouns: when we use the pronoun “we” or another plural term we’re referring to all of us or multiple of us, and when we use the term “I” or another singular term it means whoever is fronting is writing about just themself.
Hello everyone! This week was so mixed for us. We'd like to start by saying we have a new alter, Mabel. She is 11 and a half. She is friendly, silly, and has medium energy (not super enthusiastic or super calm). She likes swimming and art, and loves to read and be outside. She's a typical preteen, not exactly a child but not a teenager yet either. She is an ANP (apparently normal part) which means that her role is mainly related to everyday life instead of trauma. That being said, when I was 11, I was in a relationship that lasted for a year, and not just one where it was like "She likes me, I like her, let's go get ice cream", no, it was a lot more serious and complicated than that. I needed that external validation because I was not getting it elsewhere. By the time I was 12, I had written documents with dozens of paragraphs trying to prove to therapists that I was mentally suffering and in pain and that I needed help. It shouldn't have had to be like that. At 11-12, I should have still been a kid, not in a serious relationship and trying everything I knew to cope and heal from things that were not my fault. Mabel is the developmentally appropriate preteen I never got to be due to trauma.
We went to see the gender clinic and it turns out we aren’t going to be able to have top surgery as soon as we turn 16 because they need to do a neuropsychological evaluation and the waitlist time for that could be up to 6-12 months. We are extremely disappointed, like EXTREMELY disappointed. We’ve wanted top surgery since we were 12 and we already waited 16 months to see the gender clinic, which was probably the hardest thing we’ve ever done, and we don’t want to wait another year to two years before having our top surgery. That just feels impossible. I feel disgusting and trapped and suffocated by our body and I'm not an impatient person but it’s been three entire years and we need it now. I cried at the gender clinic when we got the news because we feel so stuck and we hate the circumstances. Our friend had a top surgery consultation this week and we are super happy for them, they deserve this euphoria, but we have such mixed feelings too because we wish we could also be at that point.
We went to our first crew meeting for theater and we mostly learned about how the lighting, curtains, and sound work. We also went into different parts of the theater area and backstage so we could become familiar with the different parts. Our friend who's doing crew with us couldn't be there because she had driver's education, which is a bummer, but she'll be there in two weeks.
A package in the mail arrived with stuff we had ordered. We got a love bunny plush for Evie. Since she is a traumatic memory holder and her favorite animal is a bunny, it is symbolic for her to have a sad heartbroken bunny plushie and it helps her express herself. We got some pink fleece pajamas with hearts and strawberries on them for all the littles (Fawne, Ruby, Evie, and Mabel) and a heart print v-neck vest for Ruby and Evie. We will post pictures of these things right after we're done with this post.
Our dog was sick again and that was really stressful and scary for us. Our parent who we live with full time took him to the emergency pet hospital and brought me with, but she couldn't stay because she had too much work to do so she contacted our other parent to sit with us and our dog and wait and talk to her about the medical decisions. We haven't been alone with our other parent for over six months and we were really not looking forward to that. There are reasons we don't live with her, she's not a good parent and we really don't want to be with her or around her or involved with her in any way. Thankfully, she was actually tolerable to be around and she got us food because we were hungry, although we were dissociating because it was late and we were tired and it was a big (uncomfortable) deal to be with our other parent. We wanted to text our attachment figure for comfort, but I had already initiated a lot of deep, long conversations lately and we want to give her space and time to breathe before initiating another boundary type conversation. It was hard, we really wanted to text her, but we resisted the urge and got through it. We are proud of ourselves for being able to tolerate the feeling and sit with it. Our dog is okay now, they gave him some medical treatments and discharge information. We really hope he will continue to be okay.
Fawne was out for a couple of hours earlier today. I keep telling her that she'll get to be out soon and then things come up and she can't be out because we have to be around people or get things done, so she was happy to get to front. Sara and I also needed the break from fronting because it was the end of a school week and we were tired and stressed. We needed to let go of our responsibilities and problems and slip into our littlespace. She took a bubble bath, wore our littlespace dress, ate applesauce, and watched Blue's Clues with our stuffed animals.
Littlespace: The headspace an age regressor is in while regressed (also used as a kink term in NSFW kink contexts but I will never use it in that context and the two definitions are very different and do not overlap).
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A quick note about pronouns: when we use the pronoun “we” or another plural term we’re referring to all of us or multiple of us, and when we use the term “I” or another singular term it means whoever is fronting is writing about just themself.
This week has had a lot of ups and downs. Some really great things have happened for us, but it’s also been difficult in some ways.
We visited an ethical pet store and got to pet puppies. They were so small and cute and precious. We absolutely adore puppies, they’re one of our favorite things in the world. We made tuna casserole and did our homework. A highlight was that we got first place in our science quiz game twice in a row, out of a class of over 30 people.
Something difficult from this week was that we had a lot of touch cravings. We were touch starved as a child and so we sometimes get touch cravings and always want to be hugged and held by our friends, so we have to limit ourselves so that we don’t become socially inappropriate by initiating too many hugs. We haven’t really had touch cravings like this for a while, and we’re not entirely sure where they’re coming from. We were also not doing well mentally one night and three people were coming to us for support. We tried to support them because we didn’t want them to feel alone, but that resulted in us feeling more drained. We tend to be the therapist friend. Some of our friends checked in on us and made sure we took care of ourselves, which we really appreciate.
We met with the gender clinic, 16 months after we had gotten on the wait list. The wait time was so long because it’s the only pediatric gender clinic in the city we live in, and there were about a thousand kids and teens in front of us. I’ve wanted top surgery since I was 12 because I have severe gender dysphoria and after meeting with the gender clinic we’re a lot closer to top surgery than we were before, which is a huge, massive, enormous deal. We are extremely happy about this.
We went to our school’s theater kickoff event. We’re doing crew, making sets and running things backstage and all that. Our friends are there and it was really great to spend time with them. Theater is something we’ve been looking forward to all summer because we want to hang out with our friends and be part of a goal (the show) together. At the kickoff, we learned about the production we’re doing, ate pizza, and spent time with our friends.
Something we’re proud of ourselves for is getting all our assignments in on time and working hard on them. It’s only the second week of school, but we have 100% in all our classes because we’ve been putting in effort and we feel proud about that. In our entrepreneurship class, we’re working on our business idea, which is a dog breed consultant website. Essentially, people who are in the market for a dog but don’t know which breeds would be best for their lifestyle can pay to have me ask them questions about their lifestyle and what they’re looking for in a dog and I will help them narrow down suitable breeds. Our entrepreneurship teacher says he loves our idea. This is an idea I’ve had since I was 11 but I didn’t have the time or resources to implement it. We’re looking forward to putting our idea into action.
We were struggling in school one day and I don’t remember exactly why. I think it was because we were having touch cravings and also because we were worried about if we did something wrong with our friend, and more that I can’t remember. We listened to music to cope with our feelings and once class started we were able to pause the music and pay attention in class and we’re proud of ourselves for that. It might seem like a small thing, but when you’re mentally struggling it feels big.
We had a job interview and it was our first one. The job was requiring too many hours to be feasible with our school requirements so we weren’t able to take the job, but we think we did okay with the interview. It was a big milestone, to have our first job interview, and I was nervous.
We’re camping right now and we have a wall tent. It’s a big canvas tent set-up with a wooden platform and raised wooden frames to set up our sleeping pad and sleeping bag. It’s nice that it’s not too hot and there aren’t mosquitoes out. We went hiking and it was very pretty.
We’re going to tell one of our friends about our attachment issues tomorrow because she’s become one of our attachment figures because of how kindly she’s treated us. We think it would be useful for her to know and we want to let her know that if we do something that makes her uncomfortable or if we become too obsessive she can always set boundaries and say something and we will always respect that. We’re a little nervous because we don’t want to scare her away. She’s been a super great friend to us and we don’t want to lose her.
Thank you for reading.
-Everett
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Hello! I'm Everett, the host of an OSDD system of 6. I'm a 15-year-old omnisexual enby from Minnesota. My pronouns are they/them. My hobbies are dog training, singing, camping, cooking, baking, taking care of pets, going to water parks, and spending time with friends. I am an empath. I love to write and play the Sims 4. I have depersonalization derealization disorder, gender dysphoria, anxious attachment issues, complex trauma, autism, and OSDD. I have many ideas for what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be a therapist at a pediatric gender clinic, be a dog breed consultant, run a boarding kennel for dogs, be a dog trainer, and babysit occasionally. My favorite breeds of dogs are the Japanese Chin and the Mini Goldendoodle.
Sara is one of my alters. She is 15. She is the caretaker/soother of the system. She takes care of the littles (child alters) and me when I'm not feeling well. Some words I would use to describe her are smart, kind, gentle, optimistic, cheerful, patient, empathetic, caring, considerate, compassionate, positive, and passionate. Her hobbies are shopping, fashion, reading, cooking, baking, singing, swimming, babysitting, dog training, and taking care of pets. Her favorite breeds of dogs are the Shih Tzu, the Toy Poodle, and the Papillon.
Amaya is 17. She is the protector of the system. She doesn't feel, she simply exists. She's like a system manager or a recordkeeper of sorts. She fronts when there is an overwhelming situation that is making us overwhelmed/emotional beyond what we can cope with. She is good at taking in information and being logical.
Fawne is 3. She is a little (child alter). She is pretty calm and easygoing but becomes clingy when she's upset. She sometimes comes out when we're sad or scared because she is simpler and easier to soothe than I (Everett) am. She also sometimes comes out for fun. She likes to play and talk with people.
Ruby is 6. She is a little (child alter). She is energetic and enthusiastic. She loves to read and play. She fronts when we are stressed and need a break because she is simple and doesn't have a worry in the world. She's the happy, carefree child I never got to be.
Evie is 9. She is a little (child alter) and a traumatic memory holder. A lot of awful stuff happened to us when we were 9. Her role is to hold those memories. She is vulnerable and easily triggered. She is sometimes non-verbal, which is when she uses flashcards to communicate. We often do not get to choose when she comes out of the headspace. The times she comes out are usually because we are triggered.
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Hello and welcome to our Tumblr page! If you aren’t familiar with what DID and OSDD systems are, here’s an explanation.
Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is when there’s a main identity who fronts the most and handles most of life’s responsibilities, and alters, who are different identities, and when they front, it’s their mind controlling the body. The host and alters don’t share memories, which results in memory gaps and amnesia, so sometimes parts in DID systems will write each other notes to communicate with each other and fill each other in on what happened while they were fronting, for example, what they ate or if they took a shower, since the alter to front next won’t have those memories.
OSDD1b is like DID, except the host and alters share memories and can communicate with each other in the headspace, so there’s no need to write each other notes because each part will have the memories from when the previous parts were fronting.
Both DID and OSDD are caused by severe and repeated trauma that did not allow a child to develop correctly or have a normal childhood. Such trauma typically includes multiple kinds of and instances of abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, or sexual.
I am an OSDD1b system. I have five alters, meaning there are six of us total. People with alters are referred to as systems because they are systems of people.
We are happy to educate people on what it’s like to be an OSDD system, and we welcome any respectful questions. We believe that knowledge is powerful and the more we can educate people the less others will have to explain. Thank you.
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