#zo'e did fic

[godamnarmsrace]

Hold On, I Still Want You...

Sex had always been easy for them, but this wasn't sex. In the dirty alley behind the club, this was something more. Robert was desperate for it, his grip on Aaron sure to leave marks and Aaron just wanted everything. For Aaron, it floored him because although he'd been intimate with Alex he felt like he had not been touched in months. Robert's hands on him made his body come alive as if every nerve was sparked into ignition just by having Robert's breath brush against his flesh. There was probably something inherently wrong with both of them that words couldn't even explain how right this was and how wrong it had ever been for them to be apart, but Aaron didn't care as long as Robert continued to hold him, grinding his hard body against him. Aaron felt drunk and sober at the same time, he felt like he could breathe again for the first time in months, even as Robert stole his breath. He knew they needed to talk, more than just the renewed vows of love they had both uttered in amongst biting kisses, but there would be time for that later, after, when they'd had enough of each other that they wouldn't just fall apart just by stepping away from each other. The self-imposed exile from one another that Aaron had insisted on for his own sanity felt like it now might destroy everything he'd worked so hard to rebuild. Letting out a small whimper he'd never admit to, Aaron pushed his body harder against Robert's so that no space remained between them, his desperation to feel his husband's skin against his own a physical ache he wasn't used to. His husband, the words felt right in his head and in his heart. Robert had always been his, just as he'd always been Robert's.

#Robron #look ma I wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #i love my boys #just a little thing #writer's blob might be gone #title from Hold On by Chord Overstreet

[godamnarmsrace]

I’m Just Screaming In Silence

AO3

Robert Week 2017 - Day 3 (6th September) - Free Day:

Two more steps down and he could see the whole living room. Terror gripped his heart in a tight fist when he finally saw Rebecca. She had a gun. Rebecca had a gun, and she was pointing it at his husband.

He's slow to wake, not sure what caused his shift in consciousness, but he can't breathe like something is weighing down his chest, dragging huge gasps of air out of him.  The last moments of a nightmare leave panic clinging to his bones, threaten to swallow him whole, and it's all he can do to hold himself from shaking apart.

The bed is cold next to him when he reaches out, and harsh voices speaking in hushed tones filter up to him from downstairs.

He rolls over trying to untangle himself from tight, constrictive blankets that had previously soothed him, but now held him firm, trapped, pushing the panic to the surface.  

Fear bleeds into everything, and for a moment he despairs the worst is happening. But it doesn't make sense; the voices downstairs don't fit. He’s alone, but he’s not alone. He hasn’t been abandoned, at least not yet.

Finally freeing himself from the tangle of his bed clothes he falls onto the ground, his knees smarting from the impact on the hard floor.

Now that he's unrestricted, he doesn't know what to do. He looks at the bed again when he makes it to his feet. He feels the absence of his husband like an ache he can't subside.

Creeping to the bedroom door, he opens it and steps out into the hall. His first instinct is to check on Liv, but then he remembers that she’s at Gabby’s for the night; both girls newly returned to the village eager to catch up and do whatever else teenage girls are wont to do.

When he reaches the top of the stairs, he can hear the voices more clearly, relief and fear twist together and battle with anger as he recognises the voices coming from below.

“This is all your fault!" Rebecca's voice was filling him with dread. He wants her gone, out of his house and away from his husband.

"It was never gonna be you, don't you understand that? It wouldn't have mattered what you did; it was never gonna be you.” There was something in his husband’s voice, a lazy acceptance that what was going to happen would happen, and it made the fear a living breathing thing, clawing at his gut and throat all at once. He needed to see him.

“You were never even a choice and whatever deluded thoughts or feelings you had, were never going to change a thing. Give up, get the fuck out of my house and leave my husband alone.”

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Always trying to protect each other, who cares who you hurt in the process, right?” Rebecca all but screamed.

"You came to Emmerdale of your own free will, no one forced you, and you've hurt people, ruined lives, don't lay that all on us," his husband stepped into view, a blinding relief and a terrible fear. He was calm under threat, but not when his man was so close by to be endangered too.  She hadn’t seen him yet. Why wouldn’t she just leave them the hell alone?

He moved as silently down the metal staircase as he could, more than aware it offered little to no chance of hiding him from view. He didn’t know why, but his gut told him the element of surprise would be useful right now, but it was next to impossible with these damn stairs.

“I was invited remember. I was asked to come more than once,” Rebecca said, her voice shrill and piercing.

“You were used, a tool nothing more,” his husband said, and he looked and sounded so bored, as if thoroughly tired of this whole conversation.

It had taken them a while, but eventually, they had stopped fighting with each other long enough to realise that it was what Rebecca had wanted to drive a wedge between them both so that she could have Robert all to herself.

Chrissie had taken a little longer to wise up, but the phone call from her earlier this evening suggested that she knew there was something wrong with her sister. The word ‘obsession’ had been used, and he was pretty sure it was what had caused his nightmares.  

“I think we’ve more than established that, but if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be standing here right now. This wouldn’t be happening. It’s all your fault,” Rebecca’s voice hushed as if she’d suddenly realised that she had been yelling and someone might hear her.

Two more steps down and he could see the whole living room. Terror gripped his heart in a tight fist when he finally saw Rebecca. She had a gun. Rebecca had a gun, and she was pointing it at his husband.

“It’s my fault that you didn’t get what you wanted? Really? You really are a crazy bitch,” his husband not able to keep up his carefree front any longer. “Okay, fine so what do I need to do to make you leave?” he asked, his eyes never leaving the spiral monstrosity opposite him.

“You can die, Aaron,” Rebecca said, following him with the gun.

“No!” Robert cried out running down the stairs behind her.

Startled, she spun, she could see them both and backed up, fast, from where Robert approached her.

"You don't understand; he has to die. If it weren't for him, you would have chosen me. We'd be together right now," Rebecca explained, her tone was soft like she was talking to a child and Robert almost felt sorry for her until he saw her steady her aim at Aaron.

“I would never have chosen you,” Robert said, afraid to move in case she hurt his husband. “Aaron, get out.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Aaron hissed at him. “I’m not leaving you alone with her.”

“Even now he won’t let us be alone. I tried to come to you tonight. I knew you’d be sad because it’s your mum’s anniversary, Vic told me, and I knew you'd need me to comfort you, but he stopped me,” she looked like she wanted to come to him and Robert knew what he needed to do.

“You need to let Aaron go. Give me the gun Bex,” he said, steady tones a cover to his quaking insides, he stepped closer to her.

“Robert no!” Aaron started to move too, causing Rebecca to more her finger to the trigger of the gun.

“See! He’s always going to be here, trying to come between us Robert, he has to die!”

Robert was so fucking scared. This could all go so wrong so fast. He didn't want to live without Aaron; he couldn't lose him. Not after all they'd been through. "If you shoot him,” his voice broke on the idea of Aaron being hurt, he had to spin it, had to turn her attention to him. "If you harm Aaron, then you'll get arrested, and then we'll never be together. Give me the gun, and he'll leave. We can finally be together it's what you want, right?”

“Robert, don’t!” Aaron said shaking his head at his husband.

“Aaron please,” Robert all but begged, he needed his husband out of here and somewhere safe.

"Shut up! You think I'm stupid? Even now you're just trying to protect him. Him!? Why? I could have given you everything. Money, status, power, me and a family. We could have had it all," Rebecca swung the gun at Robert, and suddenly he could breathe again properly now that Aaron wasn't in imminent danger.

If he was going to die though, he was going to die with Aaron’s name on his lips and his husband wasn’t ever going to doubt he was loved.

“We could never have had it all Bex. I’m sorry, but you don't even really know me. Even Chrissie didn't know me because I'd been lying and scheming since the day I met you both. Aaron let me be me, he saw all the good and the bad, and he loved me anyway, despite my shortcomings. It wasn’t a choice. I didn’t choose to fall in love with him, but I did, and there will never be anyone else for me. I could never love you, Rebecca, because my heart is too full of Aaron. He is my family,” Robert knew he was pushing her, that his words, although not designed specifically to hurt her, could push her over the edge and he needed her rage to be directed wholly at him.

“No, you wanted me,” Rebecca said, shaking her head like she could shake off the truth in his words.

“It was all lies, you made him think he’d slept with you and he didn’t,” Aaron said pulling her attention back to him.

“He still texted me, he still told me he wanted me just because he was too drunk doesn’t mean anything,” Rebecca argued, the gun in her hand still pointing at Robert.

Robert tried to shake his head at Aaron to get him to shut up and leave. Bloody idiot, didn’t he understand that Robert was trying to save him, to get him free and clear.

“He might have texted and told you what you wanted to hear, but he was falling apart. He thought he’d lost me and he had to get drunk off his face to go anywhere near you. What about the next day and the day after that, did he want you then? When you lied and told him he was going to be a father, did he want you then? No, he came home to me because he loves me,” Aaron taunted and damn him, Robert knew he was trying to get the damn gun pointed back at him. Damn him, for trying to save Robert right back. It just wouldn’t do.

If anything, ever happened to Aaron…

Sirens filled the air and Robert looked at Aaron in shock.

“I called them when she first broke in, I’ve had the line open all this time,” Aaron confessed.

Rebecca’s eyes were wild, the sound of the police coming had her shifting the gun between them as she backed up towards the front door. Robert took a few steps, as if to follow her when she left, but stopped and he planted himself in front of Aaron, shielding him from harm’s way.

“What does he have that I don’t?” she asked as shuffled backwards still point the gun at him. The alarm, the pitiful fear of being caught clear in her expression.

"He's my Aaron," Robert said, and he knew she wouldn't understand, no one could, but Robert knew, and he hoped Aaron did, that was all that mattered.

“That’s not an answer!” She yelled.

At that moment two things happened; Aaron tried to step in front of Robert, and Rebecca stumbled over the coffee table.

The noise from the gun seemed louder than Robert remembered. It wasn’t like the last time someone shot him, maybe because they were inside, perhaps that insulated the sound somehow. thoughts in a haze of pain. It hurt the same. Then a burning pain that told him the bullet had torn through his flesh, wreaking havoc as it went, but this too wasn’t important, it meant that Aaron was okay, he was safe.

“What did you do?” Aaron’s words seemed far away and over and over, he said the same thing first to Rebecca and then to Robert who’d pushed him out of the line of fire. “What did you do?”

“It was an accident! Robert! Robert!” Rebecca cried out.

“You better not die on me you bastard, you promised me until at least eighty, and I am holding you to it. Please, Robert, you can’t leave me. Please don’t do this,” Aaron said, fierce. Pressing his words into Robert’s chest where Aaron’s pushed down on his wound with his hands, his head against Robert as if listening to his heart beating.

It hurt. Fuck, it hurt, but it was different from the last time. Robert didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. “I love you, Aaron, you know that, right?”

“I know,” Aaron nodded pressing his lips to Robert’s and then he was being dragged away. The paramedics were ripping open Robert’s shirt and shouting orders.

He must have passed out because he came to in the ambulance, a worried looking Aaron with tears streaming down his face, holding his hand.

“He’s awake,” he said to someone, but Robert only cared about one thing.

“Are you okay?” he asked his husband.

Aaron pulled a face, not quite amused, but it shifted to disbelief too quickly for Robert to figure it out, “Am I okay? Are you fucking serious Robert? You got shot, again!”

“Rebecca?” he asked because he needed to make sure Aaron would be safe now.

“In police custody,” Aaron said, squeezing Robert’s hand tight.

 He's slow to wake, not sure what caused his shift to consciousness, but he can't breathe, pain is weighing down his chest dragging huge gasps from out of him. The last moments of a nightmare leave panic clinging to his bones, thoughts of Aaron bleeding out on the ground in front of him threatening to swallow him whole. It’s only the hand holding his that keeps him grounded, “Aaron?”

“Shh, just rest. You’re going to be okay. The doctor said it was a miracle the bullet hit your sternum and glanced off the bone, but got stuck in the scar tissue from your old bullet wound before it could hit your heart. They were able to remove it without any trouble. You’re gonna be stuck here and sore for a while, but you’re going to be okay. Don’t ever fucking do that to me again!” Aaron spoke softly, shock still coursing through him. He puts his lips to their joined hands, then brushes small kisses against his cheek and over his mouth.

“I couldn’t let her hurt you,” Robert replied each word like a knife in his chest, fuck he’d been shot. He hadn’t missed this pain, but it was different this time. Aaron was here with him. “Stay?” he asked, even as he knew he should send Aaron home, he looked wrecked, and Robert knew better than anyone how uncomfortable those hospital chairs could be.

“That was never not an option. We need to get married legally too. I don't need it it's real, but the duty nurse tried to stop me from coming in here because intensive care is immediate family only and I can’t be told I don’t have a right to sit next to you by anyone. Oh, and I’m getting you a bulletproof vest for Christmas, at this point it seems like a solid investment. I can’t ever be without you, Robert.”

Robert stifled the urge to laugh at only because he knew it would hurt like hell if he did, they grinned at each other.

"Name the time and the place, and I'll be there Mr Sugden,” Robert said shifting slowly in the small bed. “Come here,” he said gesturing to the space he’d made.

“Don’t be dim Robert, you’ve been shot and just had surgery, whatever you're after will have to wait until we’re home,” Aaron said with a small smile and warm eyes.

“I just want to lie next to my husband. Please, Aaron, I could have lost you tonight,” Robert tried to use the hand holding his to tug Aaron to where he wanted him.

Aaron let out a small sigh and climbed carefully onto the bed next to Robert, “I’ll probably get kicked out of here for this, but I could have lost you too, and I still can't make myself believe that you are going to be okay. I love you, soft lad."

#robron #robertweek2017 #rw2017 #look ma I wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #i love my boys #day 3 #robertlove #angsty with a happy ending #crazy pants rebecca #robert jacob sugden #emmerdale #robert sugden #oh god his everything is just so damn hot #how dare he even?

[godamnarmsrace]

Never Have I Ever

So this is for my lovely girl and soulmate @aarondingel for her birthday!

So because I am an epic fail this is a nonnie ask from someone else’s dash but I don’t remember who (if you know the post let me know in an ask and I’ll link it) but it was brilliant and it tickled my brain...so here we go...

anonymous asked:

You could never play 'never have I ever...' the sex edition with Robron. They've had sex everywhere. I bet they've even, with some degree of difficulty, done it on their spiral staircase...

AO3

Robert wasn’t sure how this had even happened, but somehow the quiet night in he’d planned for him and Aaron had turned into, well… this; Pete, Adam, David and Cain all sitting around the kitchen table in the Mill, chatting away. An odd mix to be sure, but the conversation was light and full of laughter. Windows thrown open and sun rays danced across the titanium surfaces, beers all round. Robert couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he saw Aaron, as he scoffed and gwaffed with Adam over some ridiculous crack.

It was a sight he had missed so much in those months apart. That kind of free happiness in Aaron, was not easily won and even threatened to be nonexistent in Robert’s life for a moment there, but now things were good, really good.

If anyone asked him, Robert couldn’t have said what the group were talking about because everything else faded into the background when he watched his husband light up. He felt his heart stutter and stop for a second as their eyes to met across the room, his smile getting bigger, if that was possible. Aaron pulled a face at his husband, one that said; Thank you, I love you and I’m sorry for these idiots, all in one hit.

No one had ever known him so completely as Aaron. Even though they struggled with their words, sometimes afraid to use them in case they became uncontrollable weapons, in this they were always fluent. Robert could read Aaron like a book and Aaron just got him right back.

Taking another sip of his beer, he crossed one foot over the other and returned his attention to their friends.

“…and when I came home they were all in their pyjamas drinking wine straight from the bottle playing that ‘Never have I ever’ game, you know the one? ” David said, clearly amused by the memory.

“I’ve never played it,” Aaron confessed, shrugging his shoulders.

“What? Mate, really? Never? Oh, we so have to play,” Adam said, his eyes full of dancing glee at the very prospect.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not drunk enough for this,” Robert interjected and he wasn’t at all surprised when Cain grunted in agreement from his perch on a breakfast stool.

“We need shots,” David said, getting up from the table and making his way over to their liquor stash. He gave it a once over before asking, “You got any Whisky?”

“No!” Aaron and Robert both said at the same time and Robert cast his eyes back over his husband to see if his mood had changed but Aaron was still smiling back at him, and Robert felt his own lips twitch in a subtle response.

“Okay, this'll do,” David said, returning to the table with a mostly full bottle of rum and six shot glasses.

“Well, get on with it then, since you were so eager to play and all,” Aaron said, when they all held a shot of rum in one hand.

“Hmm, okay. Never have I ever…kissed another guy,” Adam said, eyes crinkling in amusement.

“Funny,” Aaron muttered, but still in good humour, before taking a sip. Robert copied him, before starting to choke on the liquid when Cain downed his shot.

“I don’t think he gets how to play,” David said in a staged whisper to Pete, and they all laughed.

“I think there might be a story there,” Robert questioned.

“I’ll tell you on Friday,” Cain said, pouring himself another shot.

Adam lifted an eyebrow at Aaron, and Robert watched as Aaron mouthed the words ‘Movie Night.’

“So wait, you really have kissed another man?” Pete asked, clearly with a deathwish, who knew he wanted to die so young.

“Is that part of the game? We drink then we sit around sharing the gory details?” Cain asked, his tone somewhere between a threat of violence and superior indifference.

“No,” David said at the same time Adam said, “Yes.”

“What? I want to know,” Adam said when the whole room just looked at him, Cain’s glare strong enough that Robert was surprised Adam wasn’t already buried in the ground. “Don’t you want to know?” Adam asked Aaron.

Aaron just shrugged “Robert will tell me.”

Cain’s glare shifted to Robert and he felt the urge tp throw up his hands in surrender, not at all sure what this thing they had going was.

“Sorry, husband of mine, best friend code of silence and all that,” Robert said, rolling his eyes when Aaron proceeded to feign offence..

Robert couldn’t be sure but he thought for a moment Cain looked amused, but it was there and gone so fast who could tell. The rest just shook their head at the perplexity of it all, Cain and Robert being mates was just plain weird.

“My turn, never have I ever fucked in the back of a car,” Pete said and they all drank. “Wait I want to add a little addendum to mine. Never have I ever fucked in Cain’s garage.”

Robert and Aaron looked at each other and tipped their shots back.

“It’s a bloody place of business!” Cain said, glaring at both of them before downing his own shot making Robert laugh.

“Never have I ever had sex outside,” David said before drinking his own shot in glee.

Robert and Aaron also drank theirs.

Adam had that glint in his eye that Robert was pretty sure meant he was about to be a dick. He wasn’t surprised when Adam gestured for Robert to sit down at the only remaining seat at the table. “So it’s easier to fill your glass,” Adam said by way of explanation.

“Everyone can play but I’m curious about something…” Adam muttered, pouring them all shots.

Robert waited for it. He knew Adam was up to something.

“Never have I ever gone commando?” Adam asked, tapping his fingers together like some kind of maniacal genius.

They drank.

“Never have I ever been caught fooling around by someone?”

They emptied their shots one by one.

“Never have I ever had sex against a washing machine?”

Robert had to stop himself from visibly shivering at the memory that one invoked, before tossing back his shot in unison with Aaron.

“Never have I ever had sex in someone else’s bed?”

Robert watched as Cain got up and left the room with a growl of “I don’t want to know” while he and Aaron downed yet another shot.

“Never have I had sex with someone my partner is related to?”

That one had both of them screwing up their faces before swallowing their rum.

“Never have I ever had anal sex, where I was the bottom?”

“Really?” Aaron asked before tossing back his shot.

“Inquiring minds want to know,” Adam said watching Robert carefully, his eyes widening comically when Robert drained the rum from his glass.

“Never have I ever tried oral sex while driving?” David piped up, clearly enjoying Adam’s teasing antics.

Aaron shook his head, “Too dangerous.” Robert reached across the table to tangle his fingers with Aaron’s.

“Never have I ever given or received a lap dance?”

Aaron started to laugh and the sound filled Robert with everything that felt good. His head felt fluffy. Too many shots probably, but he really wanted to climb across the table, into Aaron’s lap and ride him till they were both sweat-sticky and spent.

“Never have I ever had sex on this table,” Aaron said, knocking his knuckles against the table they were all seated at.

Aaron licked his lips and together they drank their shots. It was a good memory, vivid, in that way things that only happened hours earlier were. Robert was kind of aware of the others leaving, the front door slamming behind them but Robert was too busy chasing the taste of rum from his husband’s lips and into his mouth to really care.

#robron #robron fanfic #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #robert sugden #aaron dingle #emmerdale #fanfic #otp #thanks Matty you are the best #happy birthday Haley #I love you so much #i love my boys #robert jacob sugden

[godamnarmsrace]

Just Monkeying Around...

Day 2 - Write a scene between your favourite Robert/Family relationship  Liv/Robert.

AO3

“Right, I’m off, but I’ll be back for lunch if you’ve got time?” Robert asked as he came thundering down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen to press a kiss to Aaron’s stubbled cheek.

"Sounds good," Aaron said around a mouthful of toast which made Robert pull a face.

“You gonna behave yourself today?” Robert said to Liv squeezing her shoulder as he moved past her to grab the travel mug of coffee Aaron had made for him.

“Don’t I always?” Liv asked with cheek and a suspicious twinkle in her eyes.

He didn’t have time to wonder what she was up to. “Hardly ever,” he said grabbing his briefcase and keys and then he was out the door. Places to go, people to see, and all that.

 “How long do you think before he realises he still has the monkey feet slippers on that I gave him as a joke for Father’s Day?” Liv asked taking her breakfast dishes to the sink. She pointed to the chart she’d made and stuck on the refrigeration of all the times Robert had previously forgotten and worn his monkey slippers to work, “I’d like to stick around for when he finally works it out. I need to keep the record straight.”

Aaron couldn't help but smile. He was a bad husband, this was like the ninth time he'd let Robert rush off to a meeting or appointment with his comfy, but hilarious slippers slip on by accident, and every time Robert got pissed at them for not telling him. "You're not skiving off school just so that you can make fun of Robert. Now go get your bag and get to the bus before you miss it.”

Liv pulled a face at him but did as he asked. She’d been pretty good lately going to the poncey private school Robert had found for her, never complaining about the uniform or the other girls. Aaron suspected she actually liked it there but she'd never admit it, and Robert said that it didn't matter that it cost him a fortune as long as she was going.

Robert was pissed. Damn slippers. So fucking comfortable. They were the demons of footwear. How could something so comfy be so ugly? He knew that Liv and Aaron would have noticed too, Liv taking great pains not to kill herself laughing before he made it out the door.

He got the client to sign the new contract that was the main thing, too bad that he now needed his brain scrubbed because the fifty something-year-old woman had told him she liked a little monkey in her man. He was too disturbed at the time to tell her he did too, grease monkey.

The last few times he'd done it he'd rushed home again swearing and embarrassed but not this time, nope he had a plan. He parked his car and got out, walking around to the passenger side he leant against the passenger door and waited.

He knew he looked impressive, to say the least, hair all styled, in a three-piece suit and tie, and the monkey feet slippers. If he hadn’t been so embarrassed, he might have seen the humour in it, but he wasn’t quite there yet. He knew something that would make him feel better.

 He waited for the double doors to open and was somewhat amused to see several staff and students of both sexes checking him out; he watched as they started from the top of his head and made their way slowly down his body, their gazes admiring and impressed. He knew the exact moment they reached his feet, some reacting with a smile, so puzzled and some just out right confused.

Ah, there she was, "Hey Liv," he called out in his best ‘look at me, loud, obnoxious dad voice’. I thought you might need a lift home.

Her cheek turned to a dusky pink as her friends all turned their attention to Robert and his monkey feet slippers. Teenage girls whispering hurriedly was a truly frightful thing.

Robert watched as Liv shrugged her shoulders and waved goodbye to her friends before coming over and getting into the car. Robert made a big show of opening and closing the door for her and waving to her classmates.

“I hate you,” she muttered when he got in the car.

“No, you don’t,” he argued.

She huffed out a breath and crossed her arms over her chest.

 Liv slammed into the house and tore the chart of Robert’s slipper incidents off the refrigerator, before heading up stairs to her room.

Confused Aaron said, “What was that all about?”

Robert crossed to his husband and pressed an open kiss on his mouth, only having to wait a few seconds before Aaron responded and returned his kiss.

“Payback is a bitch,” Robert said when he pulled back. He grinned at Aaron’s still confused but not turned on expression. “I might have suggested that I could pick her up from school every time I forget and wear my slippers out of the house. She’s not really mad.”

“How do you know? She seemed pretty pissed off to me,” Aaron said with one eyebrow raised in question.

"I caught her googling poo emoji slippers on her phone in the car on the way home. I'm not sure if I should be worried or you should," Robert replied with a grin. "I just remembered I'm pissed at you, nice having my back there, who lets their husband leave the house looking like this," Robert said sweeping his hand up and down his person.

"I don't know what you're talking about; you look pretty fit to me. But if you really feel the need to punish me I’ll be upstairs,” Aaron suggested, with a smirk.

Visual aids:

Pic #1

Pic #2

#robron #robert week fanfiction #robertweek2017 #rw2017 #robertlove #look ma I wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #i love my boys #robert/liv #roblivron #day 2

[godamnarmsrace]

✿Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile!✿

This one’s for you babe, because you put up with so much of my drama and still you answer when I call.

Special thanks for @smittenwithsugden for the quick beta.

Take All That I Am - AO3

Robert didn’t know what he should do, they’d been avoidingeach other for weeks and now Aaron was heading straight for him.

Robert didn’t want to give inor give up but it hurt too much seeing Aaron around the village every day.Rebecca clearly wasn’t going anywhere and Robert couldn’t be responsible forAaron self-harming again, so he’d rung his real estate agent and asked him tolook for a cheap flat in Hotten.

The agent had tried to push him towards something fancier,‘a more secure investment’ he’d said, but Robert didn’t care what the placelooked like and he didn’t need a bunch of empty rooms mocking him. He justneeded to get away because he was glad that Aaron was happier, he was. That ithad happened because Robert was out of his life hurt like hell, but Robert knewhe couldn’t hang around and watch Aaron move on with someone else. He wantedAaron to have everything, he’d just clung to the thought that it might one dayinclude him and it was long past time to let that fantasy go.

He’d given Rebecca a hundred thousand pounds for the baby. He’dkept a bit for the purchase of the new flat and some start-up capital for a newbusiness, for when he finally pulled himself together, it might happen oneday…maybe in like ten years or something. Robert had done all this and therest with his solicitor shaking his head over what he called Robert’s 'boneheaded stupidity.’ In the grand scheme of things he’d been called a hell of alot worse.

He’d signed all the paperwork and then gone back to Diane’sand sobbed with his head buried in her lap like he never ever remembered doingin the past. She was the only one who seemed to notice Robert withdrawing intohimself, the only one who knew he was leaving.

“I understand, pet, but I wish you’d stay close where Ican keep an eye on you,” she’d said running her fingers his hair.

“I…can’t. Livwill be home soon and it’s bad enough Aaron hates me, I couldn’t stand it fromher too, we were meant to be a family.Her and Aaron, they were meant to be mine,” Robert had said, feeling morealone than ever.

And now here he was, standing outside in front of Jimmy andNicola’s with Aaron heading for him with what looked like anger on hisbeautiful face. Robert didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what he’d done toupset Aaron this time, but it was the first bit of attention Aaron had shownhim in weeks. Something other than blinding pain and emptiness swirled aroundin his belly and it hurt to breathe.

“What the fuck is this, Robert?” Aaron spat outwhen he got close enough to fling an envelope at Robert that he hadn’t even realised Aaron was holding.

Robert bent to pick up the envelope and opened it up. Ofcourse, well, he had been expecting Aaron to be pissed about Robert’s littleparting gift, but he had not expected Aaron to actually approach him about it.

Robert leant over andtucked the envelope and its contents in the pocket of Aaron’s hoodie.

“Just think of it as a divorce settlement,” Robertsaid feeling every one of his years.

Aaron just looked at him for a moment and then said:“You what? This is most of your money, Robert! What do you think you’replaying at, transferring all this cash into my account?”

Robert felt himself shrug, “I don’t need it. I don’twant it. I only invested it because I wanted to make sure I could always takecare of my fam…of you and Liv. So, use it to pay for Liv’s schooling, keep itor don’t, I don’t care but I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want any of itanymore.”

“You think I want it? I never wanted money, Robert. You have to take it back, we…weren’teven married, I’m not entitled to a divorce settlement. What did you do withthe rest of it?” Aaron argued, an unreadable expression on his face.

Robert shrugged again, not wanting to speak Rebecca’s namein Aaron’s presence.

“Rebecca?” Aaron asked, sounding resigned to thevery fact that she still existed.

“A hundred thousand pounds, the rest is for me to get aflat away from the village,” Robert hating that this was what they hadcome to.

“Robert, there’s barely anything left, the only flatyou’re getting with that is gonna be a teardownor the size of a shoebox. Why are you doing this?” Aaron said with a frownon his face.

Robert wanted to smooth the mark away but he knew his touchwould be unwelcome. He lost the right to touch, or to be concerned. “It’swhat you wanted, isn’t it? Me to leaveyou alone, to let you go? But I can’t watch while you move on and build a lifewithout me.”

“So, you’re just going to leave? When? What about thescrap yard and Home James?” Aaron said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Robert was aware they were gathering a small audience. Cain,Belle, Chrissie and Rebecca were all within shouting distance and Robert reallydidn’t want the whole village knowing his business but sadly he was gettingused to it. Belle, bless her, was theonly one even trying to pretend not to be listening.

“I’ve got to find a place yet and you should be gettingsome paperwork about the scrap yard, I signed my share over to you and, well,Home James, Nicola wants to keep me as part of the company. I will just workfrom home, where ever that ends up being. I tried to break my partnership withHome James but Nicola told me to stick it, who knew, but apparently she likesmy business acumen,” Robert let out a sigh. “I’ll try and be gonebefore Liv gets home, okay?”

“Robert, you don’t have to leave, and I’m going to havethe bank transfer this money back to your account,” Aaron said, taking astep closer to Robert and lowering his voice a little.

“You can’t, the account has been closed along with theone you used to use to transfer the scrap yard profits. Just take the money, Aaron, you don’t want to think of it asa divorce settlement, then think of it as compensation for all the pain andsuffering I put you through since wefirst met,” Robert said taking a step away from Aaron keeping him out ofarm’s length. The last thing he needed was to try and grab ahold of Aaron andnever let go.

“Fine, then I want my ring back Robert, it’smine,” Aaron said, folding his arms across his chest, which just madeRobert want to hold him even more.

“You gave it back to me, besides technically Ipurchased both rings, so it’s mine,” Robert said, not even sure why Aaronwould even want the damn thing.

“Robert, if this is a divorce then I want it back. It’smy ring,” Aaron said, his 'I’m super pissed at you, Robert face’ firmly inplace.

“No,” Robert insisted.

“Why?” Aaron asked, as Robert unconsciously put ahand on his chest.

“Because it makes me feel close to you, there, are youhappy?” Robert explained, feeling two inches tall and completely exposed.

“No, you know what, I don’t care, I want it back,”Aaron said, stepping into Robert’s personal space again and advancing untilthere was barely any space between them. “Hand it over.”

“Fine!” Robert shouted, he didn’t mean to but thethought of being without Aaron or his ring, of the ring just being tossed carelessly in a drawer and forgotten about,made things in Robert’s chest shift and shatter painfully.

Aaron watched as Robert pulled the necklace he’d beenwearing for weeks from around his neck and Robert saw the flush of shock andsomething else unreadable on Aaron’s face when he realised that Robert had kepthis ring so close all this time.

What was he going to do without it? It was his only tangibleconnection to the only man he’d ever loved, the only real family he’d everknown.

“Oh, and I want your car and the rest of the money too,”Aaron informed him like it was anafterthought and he took back his ring from Robert where he held it out.

“You what? What doyou expect me to do? Where do you expect me to live? Do you want me to behomeless?” Robert asked, totally confused at what Aaron was playing at.

“No, you can move intothe second flat at Mill until we sort all this out,” Aaron said, turning awayleaving Robert standing, bewilderment bleeding through every pore.

“Sort out what? I thought we were done? I thought that waswhat you wanted?” Robert didn’t want to push but this was the most Aaron hadspoken to him since he’d told Robert theywere done and this didn’t feel done, damn it.

“Sort out all of this,” Aaron said, turning back to faceRobert and pointing to his ring that he’d somehow managed to slip on his ringfinger without Robert even noticing. “And I was wrong…I’m not sure we’ll everbe over… I’m not done being angry with you yet, Robert, and I’m not done beinghurt, but I’m also not done loving you and I will work out a way to live witheverything that has happened. I’m not giving up this time.”

“I don’t understand what you want from me, Aaron,” Robertdidn’t dare to hope, to even begin to assume what Aaron wearing his ring mightactually mean for them.

“I just want some time and then maybe till we’re eightywouldn’t hurt either,” Aaron replied and gave him a small smile before turningonce again and leaving Robert standing alone again, but for the first time in months, he didn’t feel so alone.

Aaron didn’t want his money, he just didn’t want Robert tobe able to leave the village. He wanted Robert close. He’d asked for his ringback, demanded it really and Robert didn’t want to be happy yet, too afraid itmight all fall apart on him again, but Aaronwas wearing his ring and he said he wasn’t giving up.

That had to be worth something, right?

Robert could feel his face trying to smile, he couldn’tquite get there yet. There was too much pain and hurt, too much worry and fear,but maybe soon, maybe in some time, hemight be able to smile again with Aaron.

#robron #robert jacob sugden #aaron dingle #look ma i wrote something #emmerdale #zo'e did fic #thanks Pauline #thanks bubble cheerleaders #love you Matty my dear #fanfic #robron fanfic #otp #i love my boys #i need this sorted already #bluewinseverytime

[godamnarmsrace]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Emmerdale Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden Characters: Aaron Dingle, Robert Sugden, Mentions Rebecca White, Mentions Belle Dingle, Mentions Cain Dingle, Mentions Chrissie White, Mentions Nicola Blackstock, Mentions Liv Flaherty, Mentions Diane Sugden Additional Tags: Break-up Era, robron - Freeform, Aaron wants his ring back, Robert is leaving the village, Diane acting motherly, otp, Two fools in love, soft angst, Somewhat fluffy ending, Robert tries to give Aaron what he thinks he wants, Robert and his money Series: Part 14 of My Tumblr Ask Love Reply Fics Summary:

"I understand, pet, but I wish you'd stay close where I can keep an eye on you," she'd said running her fingers his hair.

"I...can't. Liv will be home soon and it's bad enough Aaron hates me, I couldn't stand it from her too, we were meant to be a family. Her and Aaron, they were meant to be mine," Robert had said, feeling more alone than ever.

And now here he was, standing outside in front of Jimmy and Nicola's with Aaron heading for him with what looked like anger on his beautiful face. Robert didn't know what to do, didn't know what he'd done to upset Aaron this time, but it was the first bit of attention Aaron had shown him in weeks. Something other than blinding pain and emptiness swirled around in his belly and it hurt to breathe.

"What the fuck is this, Robert?" Aaron spat out when he got close enough to fling an envelope at Robert that he hadn't even realised Aaron was holding.

Robert bent to pick up the envelope and opened it up. Of course, well, he had been expecting Aaron to be pissed about Robert's little parting gift, but he had not expected Aaron to actually approach him about it.

#Robron #look ma I wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #i love my boys #ao3 #robert jacob sugden #aaron dingle #emmerdale #break-up era #i need this sorted already

[godamnarmsrace]

Robert Sugden’s Tips to Bearing the Burn

AO3

Robert Sugden loves Aaron Dingle...and his beard. These are secret snippets of Robert's blog about said beard. Enjoy.

This addition to the series was written for the lovely @geekgirlwiggins for her birthday - sorry it is so late babe!

30.11.2016

Rebecca. Damn it.

It’s my own fault, I should have told Aaron everything. I didn’t and there she was like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. She was all full of apologies and nefarious intentions.

I thought I could brush her off but ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’  I tried to get rid of her. Was this her version of ‘if I can’t have you no one can?’ She was delusional. If I had wanted her, I know I could have had her anytime but I didn’t and I don’t.

I only want Aaron. No one else comes close. It frustrates the hell out of me that Aaron can’t see what he means to me. The rest of the village can do one, I don’t care what they think of me but I know that Aaron just doesn’t get it.

It’s on me. Past behaviours and all that.

And now it was too late because before I could do anything about it Aaron knew.

He was brilliant, so much spite and lies. Really. I had no idea he even had it in him, but then again, he was constantly surprising me.

Aaron sounded so sure, so believable for a moment I thought everything might be okay. I was sure he knew she was lying but he wouldn’t ever look at me when we were alone.

So, I had to wonder if it was finally over between us, once and for good. If I’m being honest I’ve been waiting for Aaron to realise that he and his damn beard are too good for the likes of me since we got back together.

I learnt a long time ago that I don’t get to keep the people I love.

He finally spoke to me. I want to say he ‘accused me’ of kissing her, but is it calling it an accusation if it kind of actually happened? Just because I was manipulating her to get information about Andy, it happened. It hurt him. I hurt him.

Robert fucked up again, who’s surprised?

I didn’t want to tell him because it meant nothing, less than nothing even but I knew it would mean something to him and I knew he needed the truth.

But how much truth was too much?

It hurts too, because he doesn’t understand who I am. I thought he did. I thought he accepted I am bisexual but he doesn’t get it.

It’s not about preferring one sex over another. I love him. Above all others, that he’s a man is just a part of him I love, but it doesn’t change who I am.

I want him to trust me. I need it.

I know I don’t make it easy for him, but I didn’t promise him easy and I didn’t sign up for easy. I signed up for messed up forever.

In for a penny, in for a pound, I told him about how she’d kissed me and how maybe I’d led her on. To get to Chrissie and then because turns out funny I actually hate keeping things from him. So, I told him about Rebecca wanting my help with Lachlan. Which of course set him off again.

I keep trying but I feel like it’s never enough, like maybe I’m not enough for him. Maybe, everyone is right. Maybe, I’m not worth the bother but I’m not about to let the scruffy stubborn arse go.

I love him too much.

I know he loves me, even when he doesn’t always like me…I just wish I knew why.

#robron #robert jacob sugden #aaron dingle #mentions rebecca sorry :( #it's happened this is robert's journal #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #something for Nic #sorry it is so late babe #Robert Sugden’s Tips to Bearing the Burn #rorbron fanfic #kinda #fic

[godamnarmsrace]

i follow you because we share a lot of opinions. you're so giving, thoughtful and approachable. i love your introspective posts and always look forward to your commentary on things!

Wow, this took me a long time to respond to but life and stuff happened.  You know what it’s like. I think you are amazing and when ever you post new fic I get so happy even though I know it’s probably gonna kill me.

Haley @aarondingel and I were talking and I got this idea for a little ficlet…I hope you enjoy it! And Haley darling thanks for always being my muse.

Feels like your handis on the door

AO3

Wordswere softly spoken and touches tentative. Robert had cooked them dinner,reminding Aaron that although his husband was lazy and preferred to get someoneelse to do all the hard work, he was a fantastic cook.

They’deaten in silence but it had been full of comfort and affection, no awkwardnesshad touched their table.

Aaronknew they had more to discuss, but he was all talked out. Frankly, he justwanted to clean up and go to bed with his husband, because Robert was still hishusband. Whatever else was going on, he loved him, more than anything.

“Wasthe food okay?” Robert asked, when Aaron got up and took their plates over tothe sink.

“Yes,thanks. You should cook more often, Vic isn’t the only one in your family withthat talent,” Aaron replied, an easy smile on his face as he stacked up theplates and pans.

“Mumtaught me. We used to spend hours in the kitchen together. Dad hated it, toldher to stop filling my head with useless crap,” Robert revealed, his words softas he reminisced.

Aaronturned to face his husband, leaning against the sink, “He was wrong.”

“Washe?” Robert asked, sounding unsure. “Mum would wait until he left, then she’dwhisper in my ear about how I’d be a great husband one day. I guess I failedher as well as you.”

“Robert,you’re not a failure. An epic fuck up, you may be, but you’re a good husband. Iwouldn’t want anyone else. Things are just hard right now,” Aaron replied,twisting his wedding ring round his finger and off. He turned and put it on thekitchen counter.

Robert’sloud gasp and shuddering breath made Aaron twist back immediately. Shit! Hishusband looked like he was having a panic attack.

“Whatthe fuck, Robert? Are you okay?” Aaron asked, as he moved to comfort, reassure,anything to help.

“Yourring!” Robert managed to force out.

Aaronlooked at his husband, then back at his wedding ring sitting on the counter,Robert’s fears suddenly clear to Aaron.

“No,Robert no. I just took it off to do the dishes. I didn’t change my mind. Ipromise,” Aaron vowed. Grabbing his ring and shoved it back on, hastily, beforecrossing to where Robert was, hunched in on himself.

Hegrabbed a hold of Robert’s shoulders, “I love you, neither of us are goinganywhere. Okay? Let’s just go to bed. The washing up can wait ’til tomorrow.”

Robert’sbreath punched out of him, in shallow rattling gusts, making Aaron frown withconcern. Eventually, the rough bursts slowed, allowing Robert to speak again. “Ican’t be without you,” he said, curling his body around Aaron’s.

“Youwon’t have to be,” Aaron promised, wrapping his arms around Robert and notletting go.

#robron #robert sugden #aaron dingle #emmerdale #post reveal #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #i love my followers #thanks to Matty for the best beta ever #thisissirius #title from matchbox twenty's 'If you're gone'

[godamnarmsrace]

I wish you would write a fic where... Aaron is the one figuring out that Rebecca has ben lying (about how much is up to you)

I hope this is what you were thinking…

Whatever Made YouWhat You Are – I Blame You

Her evil words had twisted insideAaron all the way back to the Mill, and the wound of Robert’s betrayal wasreopened, fresh and bleeding.

Aaron knew she was wrong aboutthem. Knew that the only person Robert had ever been true with was him. Yet,still her words picked him apart, slipping under his skin. They pulled onthreads of doubt, that had been woven back when he was the one sneaking aroundwith someone else’s husband.

Fate, karma, or just dumb luck,whatever had brought him here, wouldn’t be changed. Robert had got Aaronthrough some of the darkest times of his life and every step taken had beensupported and surrounded with love.

And still her words itched andtingled.

He tried to shake them off witheach step closer to home and each step away from the horror that was herpresence.

He knew one thing without adoubt. Rebecca was a liar. She might not realise it, but she was definitelylying to Aaron and if she wasn’t aware, then she was lying to herself as well.

Because she could swear it tillshe ran out of sound to utter the words, but she wanted Robert and she wantedAaron out of the way. Of this he had no doubt.

Resolve strengthened his will,one thing in this mess was clearer than it ever had been. Robert Sugden lovedhim and Aaron would not question it again.

Every step, a tattoo of factsthat swirled inside his head – Robert saying he didn’t remember what happened,Robert passing out, Rebecca being so sure that her baby was Robert’s even whenshe’d been letting Ross chase and catch her all around the village.

He needed more fact and lessfiction, the only problem was he wasn’t going to get it from her and he fearedthat Robert didn’t actually know.

Slamming into the Mill, Aaronfound Robert sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up at thefury of sound Aaron made with his arrival.

“Aaron!” he said coming to hisfeet.

Aaron held up his hand to silenceRobert and watched as all hope drained from his face.

“Nothing’s changed Robert, I justwant to ask you some questions about that night,” Aaron pressed.

“Aaron, no…I can’t…I don’t wantto. We’ve already been over this. What difference does any of it make now? Icheated. I fucked up. I hurt you, hurt us. I can’t fix it or go back and undoit,” Robert argued, sitting back down on the couch.

“Did you?” Aaron asked not sosure anymore, little things that both Robert and Rebecca had both said chippingaway at what Aaron thought he knew. “Are you sure?”

“Aaron? What?” Robert dragged ahand down his face, he looked up at Aaron and said, “You know I did. Ithappened. I’m sorry, god, I’m so sorry.”

“Did you though? Do you actuallyremember because you said you passed out? Vic said something about a whole bottleof Whisky. I know you’re good Robert, but even you’re not that good. This isn’twishful thinking on my part, this is a legitimate question. Do you actuallyremember having…?” Aaron swallowed and cleared his throat before continuing,the words sticking in his mouth now. “What’s the last thing you remember beforeyou passed out?”

The look on Robert’s face wouldhaunt Aaron later, he felt it in his chest when Robert opened and shut hismouth a few times.

“I remember talking to her. Iremember convincing her I wanted her and I remember thinking when she acceptedit, how easy it was. How uncomplicated she was. I remember kissing her andfeeling like I was dying because she wasn’t complicated and because she wasn’tyou. I remember taking our clothes off and then I remember waking up alone, butit happened Aaron. Just because I was too drunk to remember it doesn’t meananything,” Robert’s voice broke and something shifted inside of Aaron’s chest,a piece of anger moving to make space for the pity and horror that warred toreplace it.

“Robert, either she’s lying andnothing happened or you passed out and she fucked you without you beingconscious for it. Either way, you need to know. I need to know,” Aaron argued.

“What if I don’t want to know?”Robert asked, his voice low and broken.

“Fuck! Robert, I’m sorry. You’reright it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to know we don’t need to know. Butthis isn’t black and white anymore, you get that right? This baby, if there iseven a baby, it might not be yours Robert,” Aarons said, just realising whathe’d suggested to Robert.

Robert wrapped his arms aroundhimself and rocked gently, “She told me it was mine. That we didn’t useprotection. I went and got tested after Aaron. I didn’t want to risk you.”

Aaron crossed to where hishusband was coming apart in front of him and curled his body around Robert’s.He shuddered in Aaron’s arms, clinging.

Aaron hated that he’d done thisto Robert bought up something that might have been better buried. His ownexperience ate at him. Would he rather have slept through the act of his fatherviolating him never to know any better? His shudders added to Robert’s, just atthought of it. It some ways it might be worse, the never knowing. Alwayswondering if you were going mad to be thinking it.  God, he hoped Robert had just passed out andshe left but now the theory was out there, Aaron didn’t know how to get the catback in the bag, so to speak. He didn’t know how they could ever know whatreally happened.

She wasn’t just going to come outand tell them, was she?

Was this punishment then? Did shewant to hurt Robert or was this about getting Aaron out of the way? Was shetrying to clear a path to his husband? Strip him of his family? Of Aaron? Didshe think that would work?

She didn’t know Robert very wellif she did. Nor him.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said pressingkisses on Robert’s face. “I’m here. I’m sorry.”

“She…why would she lie? No, I didit. I made her,” Robert said his face pressed tight in against Aaron’s neck.

“Oh, Robert. I don’t think youdid,” Aaron whispered, unsure whether he should let it go or not, hating thatRobert might be punishing himself for something that was maybe done to him.

“I wanted it. I wanted to hurtyou. I would have…I would have…” Robert’s breath hitched and caught, then therewas nothing and Aaron knew how that felt. How bereft it was to be strugglingagainst nothing but yourself and your fears. A panic attack.

“Breathe Robert, just breathe.I’ve got you. I’m not letting go no matter what, okay? I got you,” Aaron knewhis words were so inadequate.

Deep billowing gusts of airpunched themselves out of Robert’s chest and Aaron felt each one as if he wasdragging them out one by one.

Robert pushed at Aaron, forcinghim back and away, he got up off the couch and started pacing back and forthacross the living room, broken bursts of air still fighting their way out ofRobert with each step he took.

“Why? If she’s lying, why?Because of last time?” Robert seemed to be asking himself rather than Aaron. Itwas like he forgot Aaron was even there.

“What happened last time? Did yousee a scan? Or a test? Anything?” Aaron asked starting to get a sick feeling ofretrograde déjà vu.

“What?” Robert asked, stopping tolook at Aaron.

“Last time did you have any proofof the baby or the abortion for that matter?” Aaron repeated.

“I…no she told me and I freaked,it was going to wreck everything. I told her to get rid of it. Told her a linethat it wasn’t the right time for us,” Robert laughs, a hollow sound, thatshatters like glass at the end. “Aren’t you proud of the man you married?”

“Robert, I beat the crap out ofPaddy because I couldn’t stand to hear him mention the word gay near me. Weboth have skeletons and some we even share. I don’t need to know everythingabout back then because that isn’t my husband. My husband, is the kind of manwho looks after two kids who aren’t his while his husband is prison, he’s thekind of guy who can’t sleep in our bed without me, and who holds me whennightmares threaten to tear me apart, that’s my husband.” Aaron held his handout to Robert.

Robert looked at Aaron’soutstretched hand for a moment before place his own in it. Aaron gave him alittle tug pulling Robert back into his orbit again, feeling more groundedstraight away.

“I have no way of provinganything, Robert, but I think she might have been lying back then, to force youto choose her. I can’t help but think she might be trying to do the same thinghere. I think she was expecting you not to tell me, for me to find out on myown, to make you leave me. But she underestimated us, Robert. If death, bulletsand my mum couldn’t separate us, make us stop loving one another, she never hada chance. It will always be you for me, Robert. Always,” Aaron said strokinghis finger over Robert’s wedding ring. “My heart might be battered and bruisedbut it beats strong for you.”

Robert shook his head and hisforehead wrinkled in a frown. “I’m never going to deserve you, Aaron.”

“God you’re an idiot! I fuckinglove you, there is no ‘deserve’, just what we need. And I need you Robert JacobSugden. I need you Mr Dingle,” Aaron vowed pressing their lips together.

“And what are we going to doabout Rebecca?” Robert asked, breaking their kiss, nuzzling into the side ofAaron’s face, their hands still entangled.

“What we should have done in thefirst place, we ask for a DNA test and watch to see if she unravels,” Aaronsupplied, hoping it would be enough to see her fall apart.

“And if it’s mine? If you’rewrong?” Robert couldn’t help but pick.

“The we need to decide what wewant to do as a family,” Aaron said, tilting Robert’s face towards him and fittinghis mouth over Robert’s again.

There was so much being said withtheir lips even though no words were passed, promises and forgiveness, asecond, third and fourth chance, and comfort and reassurance that this, themtogether was real and now.

Panting Robert pressed each wordinto Aaron’s lips, “Can we go up to bed? I want to hold you… I want you to holdme.”

Aaron felt another layer peel offhis husband, this softer side, he revelled in it, it was more than he’d everhoped for and all that he could need. It wasn’t something he ever thought toget from cocky Robert Sugden, but his husband had scars that needed tending too.It was about time they started, because Robert couldn’t always be the strongone and Aaron loved his husband, he wanted him happy and healthy and arounduntil he was at least eighty and even then, Aaron wasn’t sure it would beenough time. He wasn’t sure they’d ever get enough and that was where Rebeccahad gone wrong.

Because Aaron would never give upon Robert and he would always see the good that no one else did because Robertlet him inside, he let him see.

#robron #robert sugden #aaron dingle #emmerdale #robron fanfic #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #post 26.05.2017 episode #Anonymous #title from I Blame You by 10 Years #thanks matty i don't know why you put up with me for real

[godamnarmsrace]

What’s Another Day?

So, after Thursday and Friday’s episodes I found myself on the weekend in the middle of nowhere with my sister and a camp fire, sobbing my little heart out while I wrote this little beast of a fic.  I wasn’t going to post it. It was therapy but I trust @bluewinseverytime and she told me I should so here it is.

AO3

He wasn't sure where to go. Everything hurt. His skin felt tight, like it didn’t fit anymore.

Aaron opened the door to their old bedroom. He looked around at the empty room, muffled pub noises came from below. There was nothing but a bedframe, naked mattress and a couple of aged bedside tables.  All trace of them stripped bare and yet it still felt safe. Familiar.

Kicking off his shoes, Aaron moved slowly inside and lay on the bed, on instinct he rolled to face Robert’s side. He curled up tight, holding himself as he fought to shut out Rebecca’s foul words. If only it were as easy as closing the door or shutting a book. Thoughts raced.

A baby.

Robert’s baby.

Her baby.

But Aaron knew. He knew he was different. Knew she was wrong.

She didn’t know Robert, not really, or them. Yet…

He shook his head. No. Robert Sugden was a mess, yes, a mistake, maybe, but he was Aaron’s mess and Aaron’s mistake.

She’d almost had him. He had to give her points for that, he couldn't deny that her words had momentary impact. But it was fleeting. He knew. And she wasn’t his friend. She didn’t care about him. If she did, she wouldn’t have slept with his husband. Robert was guilty for sure, but that did not make her an innocent bystander in this.

Only the baby had that distinction.

Robert’s baby.

Aaron knew that he was Robert’s exception. He knew Robert, in ways no one else ever would. Everything they’d been through, all the good and all the bad, together they’d come out the other side, every time stronger and closer. Rationally, he knew, but the fragile, emotionally-driven bit of him, still questioned it. But no, he knew.

Above all else, Aaron knew that when they were together, they were safe.

Maybe, Robert was bad for him. Maybe, they were bad for each other, but nothing could be worse than what they were like when they were apart. That gut-wrenching chaos of separation.

Rebecca had no place to speak about their relationship, one she had so actively tried to undermine since she’d arrived in the village.

Robert had opened himself up with Aaron in ways, even Aaron wasn’t sure if Robert realised.

They were both so broken.

Both with fathers who’d wreaked havoc on their childhoods, leaving them without the proper tools to function, with anyone, let alone each other and still they tried. needed.

Aaron wanted them. Wanted Robert.

Exhausted after talking to Rebecca and struggling to break through his hate and anger and fear, he’d found himself at his counsellor’s office again, for the second day in a row.

“What do you want, Aaron? What do you need, now and in the future?” she’d ask him.

He wanted Robert.

He wanted to trust him.

To have no doubts, to believe that Robert loved him as much as he loved Robert.

He needed it to stop hurting.

He needed for every new hurt to be lesser than the last.

Aaron needed to know that he was enough, more importantly he needed to believe it.

Parts of him felt like he deserved this. He’d done the same thing as Rebecca after all. Slept with a man that wasn’t his to have. Fallen in love. Chased him. Humiliated Chrissie. Punished Robert for not being ready for him. For not putting him before everything else.

“And now?” she’d asked him when he finished talking.

“Now? He puts me first. Not with the cheating, obviously, but that was the first selfish thing he’s done since we’ve gotten back together. I asked him to be someone I could count on,” Aaron replied.

“Is he?” her eyes were kind and it made uneasiness coil in his gut. He didn’t want her to look at him. He didn’t know why, just that he felt uncomfortable under her gaze.

Aaron looked at his hands instead. Clasped in his lap, his wedding ring a warm safe weight on his finger. That meant something, didn’t it. That it helped him feel grounded. When he’d taken it off yesterday he’s felt lighter but not in a good way. Like he could just float away and it wouldn’t matter. His words to Robert, about them not being really married had been fashioned as weapons but they’d cut him, as much as he’d hurt Robert. The truth of the matter was they were so married, it was almost ridiculous to think otherwise. Without realising it, they had been stitching their lives together since their first kiss.

When Robert had put the ring back on Aaron’s finger, it was like they both could breathe again. As soon as that comfortable weight was back where it belonged, things were better.

“Yes, when everything is falling apart he’s always there. He never makes me feel less, even though I know I am,” Aaron answered finally.

“Less than what Aaron?” the words were softly spoken, jarring all the same.

“What I should be, what I could be. Less than what he needs and what he deserves,” Aaron confessed.

His counsellor took a moment just to look at him before speaking again, “And after everything that has happened, do you believe that Robert deserves to be happy? To be loved?”

“Yes,” Aaron answered without any hesitation or delay.

“Why?” she asked him. “Why is he more than you? Is his happiness more important than yours?”

“He isn’t. It isn’t, I mean I love him don’t I, so I want him to be happy,” Aaron said not knowing what point she was trying to make.

“And if this other woman made him happy, would you want him to have that with her?” she probed.

“What kind of question is that?” Aaron asked, the thought made his stomach churn.

“It’s just a question Aaron. There are no wrong answers,” she said and made it sound so easy but it wasn’t.

“No, I want him to be happy with me. But I don’t want him to be unhappy. I don’t know. I just want us to be,” Aaron struggled to get the words out and his thoughts clear, would Robert would be better off without him? It wasn't the first time he'd asked himself that question. Rebecca would come with a baby, a ready-made family, he just had more baggage than the lost and found at an airport.

He’d told Robert to leave him.

“I love ya. It wasn’t an option,” Robert had said to him.

So, here they were.

“From what you’ve told me and my brief meeting with Robert. With you, for the first time, he is settled in his own person. Happy with you. He loves you. Do you believe he loves you?” his counsellor said drawing his attention back to her.

“Yes,” Aaron replied.

“No hesitation. All this doubt and yet you’re sure he loves you. Why?” she asked leaning forward in her chair.

“I…he’s changed. He told me about Rebecca. Before with Chrissie, his ex-wife, I told her. I exposed the affair but he told me. Knowing that I could leave him, that I should leave him, he told me. He could’ve kept lying, but he didn’t. I knew that something was wrong, that something wasn’t right but I couldn’t… I didn’t want to see it.”

Aaron realised he didn’t feel like Robert had made a fool of him. Robert had tried to tell him that day at the prison. Aaron saw it at the time, but he accepted his mum’s version because he wanted to, he needed to.

Robert had struggled - It had been there to see, whereas with Chrissie, Aaron had never even seen him think twice about lying to her.

“These things always have a way of coming out eventually,” she said and although it sounded like such a copout, it was true. He would have found out. But Robert told him.

Aaron nodded.

“You need to know Robert to really get why it's such a big deal that he told me himself, normally he’s a self-serving moron and he is a master of self-preservation,” Aaron said with a small smile, twisting his ring around his finger.

“You both have self-preservation in common. It’s learned behaviour Aaron, and completely understandable given your pasts,” her words were a gentle revelation of sorts.

“I know. But he's risked his to save mine. It's mad if you think about it, he’s always saving my life. I sometimes think, even just meeting him saved me. It’s the thing people don’t understand about us, about why we work, why we keep trying.”

I saved him and Robert saved me right back, he thought.

Aaron knew his tears were in conflict with the smile on his face but fondness was blurring the lines of pain in his chest. “After the car accident, the fool risked his life to go back into the water for my ring. I know he loves me. I’m just not sure I can survive our love or that I can survive being without it.”

“Did you ever ask him about the ring? About why he went back in the water for it? Some of your answers might be found in his reasoning,” her eyes flicked down to where Aaron was playing with the ring in question.

“He said it was because it was expensive, but he was just being Robert,” Aaron replied.

“Meaning?” she asked.

“He’s like me, we don’t really talk about our feelings. Both afraid of what people will think or say and we're used to keeping them to ourselves. I’m lucky I have Paddy and my mum to try to drag them out of me and I still struggle. Robert, he’s never had anyone to ask him how he felt and wanted to actually listen, until me. And well, the money thing has always been important to Robert. Status. Money. It was the main reason he married Chrissie,” Aaron answered.

“And the main reason he married you?”

“He loves me. I don’t know why he does. I have nothing to give him. Just me.”

“Did you ever think, that all he needs to be loved and happy, is you. It’s not an acceptable excuse but it does explain his destructive behaviour when he thought he didn’t have you. Patterns are hard to break but they can be broken, Aaron. You proved this by coming here yesterday and today instead of using self-harm or violence to deal with your feelings,” her words calmed Aaron’s jumpy heart and he knew she was right.

“He offered to come here. To get help,” Aaron told her.

“That’s good Aaron. He should do that for himself, for the both of you. Sometimes it’s hard even for a couple as close and as open as the two of you are, to show all the secret dark parts of yourself. Fear can keep us from working through things with those who love us, less they see something about us they cannot love,” she explained her kind eyes a reassurance to Aaron and less of an irritant. Those eyes saw him, which yes, was frightening, but meant that Aaron wasn’t alone in his insecurities.

Aaron was exhausted. This day had been never ending and still, it wasn’t over. He needed to get up and go look for Robert before he did something stupid and got himself in even more trouble. Aaron shut his eyes. That wasn’t fair. Trouble had found them today.

Even if he was still mad and hurt, Robert didn’t deserve to be left thinking the worst, torturing himself most likely, when Aaron lay here knowing that nothing had changed. Not really. Robert deserved the same luxury, such as it was.

A soft knock on the door startled him and he knew it would be Robert.

The door opened slowly, revealing his dishevelled husband standing, looking so unsure of himself, in the opening.

“Can I come in?” he asked, hesitating in the doorway.

Aaron nodded.

Robert entered the room but left the door open behind him.

Aaron watched him look around the room, with sad eyes, before his gaze finally settled on him.

“I wanted to know if you were coming home… that is I wanted to let you know you could come home. It’s your home. Yours and Liv’s. I don’t think it was ever meant to be mine,” Robert said, his voice breaking every time he uttered the word ‘home’. Aaron’s heart broke a little bit for how much Robert truly undervalued himself.

“Robert…” Aaron tried to say, but his words were cut off by Robert shaking his head at him.

“No, I’m not here to pressure you, Aaron. Before- I’m sorry about that. You don’t owe me anything. Not second or third chances and you’re right I can’t fix this. So, I’m not going to force you to stay with me. No guilt Aaron. This is all my mistake to own, you tried and god I love you for it. It’s more than anyone has ever given me and I don’t deserve it. But I can’t keep hurting you, Aaron. I never wanted to be one of the things that wounded you. I’m sorry, I'm sorry that I broke your trust, I'm sorry I was weak when you needed me most, really, I am just sorry that I destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me - I'm sorry that I wrecked us. I should go.” Robert said, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

Aaron let out a sigh and sat up. “Robert, sit down, you can't give up on us yet” he said indicating the space on the bed next to him.

Robert stared, then sat down as requested, his hands stroking over the bare mattress.

“I don’t know how to be okay with this Robert,” Aaron said, and it was the truth. They had promised, to be honest from now on.

Robert was quiet for a few moments, his eyes followed the curve of Aaron’s arms where they wrapped around himself. Robert held out his hand tentatively, Aaron simply put his in Robert’s. He stroked his finger over Aaron’s wedding ring and said, “You’re still wearing it?”

It wasn’t really a question Robert could see for himself it was firmly in place on Aaron’s hand and yet Arron felt the need to say, “Yeah. I wasn’t planning on taking it off again.”

Robert closed his eyes, a move Aaron knew meant he was bracing himself for something painful and he was frightened about whatever was about to happen. Aaron couldn’t deal with any more cuts to his heart today.

“Sometimes I wish I’d died when I got shot,” Robert whispered gripping Aaron’s hand tight.

“You what?” Aaron asked using his free hand to grip Robert’s chin and make him look at Aaron.

Pain sharp and swift pierced Aaron’s gut but a flash of anger washed it clear. “Don’t be stupid,” he said not letting Robert look away.

Swallowing loudly Robert said, “I don’t mean to be. It’s just, I know I hurt you back then, but it was nothing like this. It would’ve saved us both a fair amount of heartbreak. Because I knew. I wasn’t ready to admit it, but I knew what you meant to me, for me.” Robert paused for just a moment before continuing, looking Aaron straight in the eye.

“But I didn’t know what it would feel like to call you my husband. To hear you say, ‘I do’. To spend every night falling asleep next to you, falling a little more in love with you every night, only to wake up and realise that yesterday’s love was nothing compared to how I felt when I saw you lying next to me safe, happy and to know you were proud to have me. Me. Robert Sugden constant fuck up and disappointment. You let me be your family and now I have nothing, I only have myself to blame, I'm so angry I can't even tell you. I want to set the world on fire.”

Robert snorted in a self-deprecating manner, “Who am I kidding? I already did. So, yeah, I wish I’d died before I knew how much I could really lose, what a failure I really am. Turns out dad was right after all and what’s worse is I don’t even care, I just can’t watch this hurt you, Aaron. I can’t. So, I’ll go.”

Aaron pissed now, clutching Robert’s jaw in his hand and he resisted the urge to shake him.

“You’d just leave? So, you are a liar then? Was Rebecca right? I’m no different and you can’t be trusted to keep your word? You promised to stay. That you would be the one who wouldn’t leave me, Robert,” he said, releasing his grip, pulling his hand out of Robert’s and leaving him free to get up and leave if it was really what he wanted.

“I’d never leave you Aaron but I can try and let you go because I can’t fix it. I can’t change it. You know I love you. God, I hope you know I love you. If I could I’d go back to the beginning and I was actually strong enough, I’d leave you alone, because I hated myself, but I had no idea what a monster I really was,” Robert said shrinking into himself as Aaron watched on.

Aaron was frustrated now, he wanted to shake Rob and hold him all at once.  Robert Sugden was a fuck up yeah, but he wasn’t a villain. How the fuck did they end up here, bleeding all over this room that used to be theirs? Aaron wanted to punch Jack Sugden and Rebecca… no, it was better to not think about things he couldn’t change, not when his husband was falling apart right before his eyes.

“You’re not a monster Robert. You didn’t make this mess alone. Rebecca was there, she knew what she was doing,” Aaron said hoping some of it would get through to Robert.

“Maybe, but she didn’t deserve the way I treated her after,” Robert argued.

“And did you Robert? Did you deserve to have someone you thought was your friend take advantage of you, take advantage of the situation? Because she did Robert. I was pissed at you yesterday and I still am, but you forget I was her once. You came to me drunk, upset and confused. I wanted you. I wanted you to be mine, just like she did, but I kept you safe. I could have had you, but I didn’t. She had the same choice. Just like she chose to lie to you about the baby. She doesn’t know you, Robert. If she did she would have left you alone,” Aaron said so angry on Robert’s behalf.

He watched as Robert pulled a pained face at his words, realising how he might have interpreted it he said, “She would have known you were playing her, that you and I would never truly be over. That you would always love me. She obviously doesn’t know me either. I went to see her earlier and she tried to warn me off, if she knew me, even a tiny bit, she would know I will always love you. Always Robert even when I hate you, I love you more than anything.”

As Aaron finished speaking he realised that he meant every word. He felt it in his bones. Robert loved him. Would love him for as long as Aaron let him.

“You don’t want me to go? I don’t want to keep hurting you. I feel like the world is trying to punish me for my past mistakes, but you are the one who keeps getting the hits. I need to keep you safe, even if that means keeping you safe from me. Maybe, Paddy was right, the only way you’ll ever be safe is if I let you go. You said it yourself, she’ll always be there waiting to twist the knife, trying to get between us,” Robert argued, but he shuffled closer to Aaron reaching out to him running a finger over Aaron’s wedding ring.

Aaron knew he could throw it in Robert’s face, that he’d let Rebecca have this power over them, but he also knew Robert would take the hit and absorb it. That was yesterday’s argument, today he needed to move past it, so they could have tomorrow.

“I know you don’t want her,” Aaron said instead.

“Do you?” Robert asked sounding so small and unsure.

“Look at you, Robert, you’re a mess,” Aaron answered softening his words with a small smile. He turned his hand over and linked his fingers with Robert’s.

“Thanks,” Robert said, squeezing Aaron’s hand.

“You know what I mean. I know you love me. I know it deep down, where she can’t touch it, but a child Robert. Your child with her. I’m not going to lie it hurts,” Aaron whispered, leaning into Robert, needing to be close.

Robert moved so that there was barely space for air between them and said in the same hushed tone as Aaron, “I don’t want it.”

“Robert…” Aaron tried.

“I don’t. You don’t get it. You think I want a family with anyone other than you? I don’t. You’re my family. I thought about it too, you know, about a family with you. Kids. I used to think I would be a rubbish dad, but with Liv…I feel like I could do it with you. Your baby Aaron, your genes. You’d be a brilliant dad and that'd be another part of you for me to love, that’s what I want. You think I could ever love something that would cause you pain?” Robert’s words harsh, but filled Aaron with such wonder. The awe of being so loved.

“I went to see my counsellor again, after I spoke to Rebecca and it was the right thing to do but we didn’t even really talk about the baby, just about me and you. I didn’t realise why until just now. This child won’t define us, Robert, not if we don’t let it and its creation shouldn’t define it either. This child is innocent of all of our mistakes,” Aaron could see that Robert was resisting what he was trying to say.

He pressed a kiss to Robert’s mouth, just a touch of lips barely anything before he said, “I hate this, yes I'm not going to deny that, but this child would be yours, part of you and Robert, I will love it because it’s yours. You are a better man than you think you are.”

“I’m not,” Robert protested, but Aaron could see the hope in his expression, the please let it be true.

Aaron pulled Robert in for a proper kiss this time, as if he could use it to convince Robert of his conviction.

“You are, end of. Do we need to have all the answers, right now? Can’t we just go home and worry about it tomorrow?” Aaron asked resting his head on Robert’s shoulder.

“I thought everything had changed?” Robert asked, his lips brushing across Aaron’s forehead where he pressed a kiss.

Aaron forced himself to sit up and look at Robert's face on. “It has, but not the fact that I love you and I want to try to fix this. Robert, I want to be with you, go to sleep and wake up in our home, with you, fight over silly things and laugh, with you. I don’t know how. It hurts. Knowing that the baby exists. Hurts. Having to see her face around the village. It all hurts. But the thought of being without you hurts more. I don’t know how we will get through but I think we will. I know I’m not her and I’m not Chrissie. You love me. You love us.”

“I do. I love you more than anything,” Robert vowed, his expression fierce with it.

“And I love you. We might fail Robert but it already hurts so much, isn’t it worth a try? I want to stand beside you,” Aaron said reaching out and brushing a stray tear that had escaped Robert’s eyes.

“You’re amazing Aaron. I don’t do deserve you,” Robert said gripping Aaron’s face in his hands, stroking his cheeks.

Aaron nuzzled against Robert’s hands. He knew how his husband felt because all he wanted to do was touch Robert. They needed it. It was a comfort, it was reassurance that they were both still here.

“Maybe, you don’t,” he said. “But you get me and I get you.”

“Thank you, Aaron,” Robert said pressing kisses against Aaron’s lips, each kiss, punctuation on another word out of Robert’s mouth. “Thank you for not letting me let you go. Thank you for loving me enough, despite who I am.”

Taking his cue from Robert, Aaron returned his kisses and spaced them with the words he needed to say, “I love you not despite but because of who you are.”

“I meant what I said yesterday no more lies, no one else, no more hurting each other and we get help together. We take it one day at a time.” Aaron murmured, close into Robert’s neck.

Robert let out a sigh and rested his forehead against Aaron’s. “I should have told you about before,” he said, guilt edging every word.

“Yes, you should have,” Aaron said in agreement. No judgement, just acknowledgement.

“You have to understand Aaron, you’ve seen so much of the bad side of me, of my failures and I feel hollowed out by it whenever I see it reflected in your eyes. I can’t understand how someone like you could ever love someone like me. I was a horrible person back then. I don’t want to show you that side of me,” Robert said his words small.

Aaron brought his hand up to Robert’s chest and placed it over his heart. “I’ve seen your worst Robert and I still love you.”

“Now you have,” Robert said his voice cracking.

“My darkness Robert. I laid it all bare for you and you never flinched, you never turned away from me. You just loved me. You waited till I was ready. You took care of me. This baby, Robert, it will need that from us. It deserves what we didn’t have. A father who loves it and won’t ever harm it. This way it gets two. You know what that family is like it’s toxic,” Aaron said.

Aaron felt Robert nod slowly against him. “I don’t want to be without you Aaron. Not ever.”

Aaron wanted to climb inside of Robert. He wanted to hold his husband.

“I don’t want to be without you either. So, we’ll deal with tomorrow in the morning. Let’s go home and go to bed,” Aaron said tugging on Robert’s hand to get him to stand.

                                                     * * *

Aaron laid in bed wrapped up in Robert, their skin touching, leaving no space for anything but warmth and comfort. They were both exhausted. Wrung out, but still awake.

“Robert, why did you go back in the water for my ring?” Aaron asked remembering his counsellor’s question from earlier.

“It was your ring. I wanted you to have it, to wear it. To be mine for always. When I got to the hospital and I found out you were in surgery, that I might lose you even after I got you out of the car, I went mad. I couldn’t breathe. I’d wasted so much time and I knew you were it for me. My future and I could see it sinking in front of me, just like the ring. I had to go get it. Losing the ring, it was like I was losing you. I needed to have it for you, I needed you to be okay. I love you so much Aaron,” Roberts words were soft in the darkness and each one was like a salve on his heart.

They needed to talk more. It was clear that they both needed to hear how much they were loved, it needed to be a regular occurrence. Aaron made a promise to himself, to make sure that no matter what, that even in anger Robert, would know that Aaron loved him.

“I love you too, idiot.”

#robron #robert sugden #aaron dingle #emmerdale #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #reveal fic #otp #thanks Matty #i have the best beta #these boys #the death of me i'm sure #just a little thing #fic #robron fic #writing stuff #25.05.2007 #26.05.2017 #my episode reaction #i will go down with this ship #i know there has been better ones written but...tosses in my hat #feeling anxious #not sure about this one tbh #oh god so many tags lol

[godamnarmsrace]

I follow you because your fic is spectacular and funny and gorgeous and you seem like a lovely human tbh 💕

So, I might have fangirl flailed all over this message.  You are kind of a fanfic legend to me.

Here a have a present!

Promise Me No Promises

AO3

Aarondidn’t know how long they sat on the floor, but it felt like hours.

Puttinghis arm around Robert, he gave him a little squeeze and said, “I think wewasted money on that couch,” indicating the furniture they rested on, “it’s oursecond night in the flat and we’ve spent more time on the floor than on the sofa.”

Robertlet a little huff of agreement.

Theywere all talked out and they weren’t okay, not yet. But they’d get there. Babyor no baby. They’d been through worse when it came down to it.

Robertloved him, of that he had no doubt, and Aaron loved Robert right back.

Thereasons Aaron had decided to forgive Robert had not changed, just theircircumstances.

Aaronjust hoped he was strong enough to make it through, because he wanted to, morethan anything.

“Let’sgo to bed,” he said, getting to his feet, keeping his fingers tangled withRobert’s, using them to pull his husband to his feet.

Robertwouldn’t meet his eye.

“Lookat me Robert,” Aaron said, words soft but firm. “I love you. Always.”

Robert’sgrip on Aaron’s hand tightened. “I’m so sorry Aaron. I promise…”

“No,Robert. Promise me no promises, okay? Just you and me,” Aaron said returningthe squeeze.

Robertwatched Aaron for a moment, like he was looking for something. He then noddedin agreement, stepping into Aaron’s arms and burying his face against Aaron’sneck.

“Ilove you,” he whispered, his lips brushing the sensitive skin of Aaron’sthroat. “Even more today than yesterday. I can’t lose you, lose us.”

Aarontilted Robert’s head so he could kiss his husband. The simple soft kiss quicklyturning into something else. It was always like this with them. Passioncatching like a struck match and spreading like wildfire.

Breakingthe kiss, Aaron rested his forehead against Robert’s.

“Thisis crazy. I’m crazy, but I love you even more now, too. You cut me to the bone,Robert, but my love is stronger for it. Maybe, that’s what makes us different?”Aaron felt his words pull at the fresh wounds in his chest, but where there wasblinding pain, now was only sadness.

“I’msorry that you had to love this version of me,” Robert said.

“Ilove all the versions Robert,” Aaron confessed.

Robert’sbreath hitched, and with the smallest of smiles, he said “That’s what makes youthe exception, Aaron. No one will ever love me the way you do.”

#robron #emmerdale #post reveal fic #robron fanfic #robert sugden #aaron dingle #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #post 26.05.2017 episode #i have the best beta thanks matty #title from No Promises by Cheat Codes feat Demi Lovato #capseycartwright

[godamnarmsrace]

wow youre such a talented writer❤️❤️

Awww thank you so much!  I like honestly needed to hear that because the writing anxiety has been high lately.

I like to respond to most of my asks with fic or fic-like things so…

I wrote something in response to this post with pics from last night’s episode ofRobert not wearing his ring…I believe we don’t actually know if he was or wasn’t but the mini plot bunny had already taken a hold.

Can’t Get You Out Of My Soul - AO3

He had to take it off. It was more than clear to Robert, thatAaron wasn’t ever going to change his mind. There was no love or affection inAaron’s eyes when his gaze settled on Robert these days and he just had to get used to thefact, that he’d lost the only thing he’d evertruly wanted or loved.

This was on him. It was all his fault. Robert knew it, sohe’d give Aaron what he wanted, what he needed. 

Robert took off his ring.

It was like a knife to the heart and someone squeezing histhroat all in one.

But for Aaron’s sake, he took it off.

It hurt, and Robert shook with how out of control he feltwithout it, so he popped it into his pants pocket. Whenever he was alone he would putit back on, and when he was out in public he would reach into his pocket andfeel the warm weight of it resting there, he would let it slip onto the tip of hisring finger and it grounded him.

He needed it, and he still wanted it but Aaron didn’t need toknow.

#robron #robert jacob sugden #aaron dingle #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #emmerdale #robron fic #fanfic #oh god kill me now i will not accept robert would just take off his ring if we can't see it then it is on his body somewhere #around his neck on a chain #in his pocket #snugglebeaningrid

[godamnarmsrace]

✿Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile!✿

Because you are a Sweetheart and I love you, front and back. Here have fic!

Lead on

AO3

Nothingwas how he’d pictured his honeymoon with Aaron, but Robert had made his bed, soto speak, and the most important thing was making sure that his family was okay.If they stopped being his family once they knew truth, he wanted them to behappy, healthy and safe first.

Butinner struggle aside, Robert never thought he’d be escorting his mother in lawback to their hotel because she was drunk off her ass, on his honeymoon.

“Careful!”he warned, when she went to step out into the traffic without looking first.

Chasstopped and tilted her head observing Robert. “You know, Robert Sugden, you’renot half as bad as you think you are,” she said, before letting out a god awful,and extremely unladylike, burp.

He’dgiven up on trying to know what to expect from her by this point, but still herwords shocked the hell out of him.

“Don’tyou mean, I’m not half as bad as you think I am?” Robert replied, trying not tolaugh.

“Yes,that too my lovely,” Chas said, patting Robert once on the cheek, all gentlelike before slapping him twice hard. “I’m still mad at you.”

“Iknow. If I could take it back I would, I never wanted to cause Aaron pain,”Robert said, suddenly feeling less than jovial.

Chaslet out a snort of, what Robert assumed was, disgust.

“Youhurt me too Robert Sugden. I can see why he loves you and I know you love him.I just forgot you were an idiot and that pissed me off. I didn’t like that youlet me down. I was rooting for you,” Chas said, stumbling against Robert.

He putan arm around her and safely guided her into their hotel, then into the lift.

“I’msorry,” he said, because what else was there.

“You’regoing to tell him, aren’t you?” she asked, when they got off on her floor.

“Key?”Robert questioned, with his hand out.

Hewatched as Chas frowned at him, before searching her pockets. She let out asound of victory and handed over her key.

“Well?”She asked, before poking Robert in the back. “What are you going to do?”

Robertgot the door open and ushered her inside. He watched, as she flopped down onone of the couches and gestured at him to get on with it.

“Yes,I’m going to tell him the truth. He deserves to know, he needs to know. I can’tkeep lying to him Chas, it’s killing me,” Robert said, knowing it was the truth.Aaron needed to know. He was in a better place now. The reasons to keep it fromhim just weren’t there anymore.

“Hemight hate you, he probably won’t want to be anywhere near you,” Chas predicted,and rather surprisingly, she didn’t seem too happy about the prospect.

Robertlet out a pained sigh, “I know. I feel like my days are numbered. I deserve it.Him hating me. For Rebecca, for what we did to Chrissie and Katie. For ahundred other reasons.”

Hewatched Chas grimace in pain at Katie’s name and he was sorry for it. For allof it.

“I’msorry,” he said to her -he knew the word was lacking, inadequate but it was allhe had and he meant it. That had to count for something, right?

“You’reruining my buzz,” Chas accused. “Don’t say you’re sorry again!”

Robertbit his lip to keep the words in. He opened his mouth and shut it again.

“Iknow Robert, okay?” she said, slumping down on the couch.

“Okay,”Robert agreed.

Hestood there watching her, at a loss as to what he should do now.

Chaslet out a loud snore, and it spurred Robert into action he pulled off her shoesand swung her legs up onto the couch so she was laying down. Next, he grabbed aglass of water and some pain killers and left them on the coffee table for whenshe woke up.

Theday had been a hot one but there was a slight chill in the air tonight. Robertconsidered for a moment, then went into the bedroom and grabbed a light weight blanketfrom the bed, he used it to cover Chas, tucking it in around her chin.

“Thankslove,” she said, stirring and snuggling down under the blanket.

Robertsat down on the coffee table and watched as his mother-in-law started snoringagain.

Hewasn’t ready to go back to Aaron at the bar yet. He felt too raw, too openedup. Like he should check himself for wounds, in case he was haemorrhaging. IfAaron saw him now he’d know something was wrong.

Hefelt the loss of Aaron’s love, even though he still had it. There was somethingelse, it had taken Robert a couple of weeks to work it out, but he hated thathe’d let Chas down. He wanted her respect, and more importantly, her love, morethan he realised.

He’dstarted to think of her like a mum and he had not even noticed until all he hadwas her disgust.

AndLiv. Oh god Liv, when they’d arrived and she was done hugging the life out ofAaron, she’d wrapped her arms around Robert, so tight and for so long, it wasonly Aaron clearing his throat that shifted them apart. “I missed you guys,”she’d said, her eyes taking them both in eagerly.

Hehad so much to lose, not just Aaron but his home, this new family. But it wasthe loss of Aaron that stopped his heart and made his skin itch with panic.

Hisphone beeped.

Are you coming back? Or should I come toyou?

Roberttook a deep breath.

I’m on my way. Order me a drink. I love you.

Robertwaited. He need it. Needed to see the words in black and white.

I love you too Mr Dingle.

#robron #robert sugden #chas dingle #aaron dingle #emmerdale #robron fanfic #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #i have the best beta thanks matty #Nic you rock #title from Lead On by Phillip Phillips #geekgirlwiggins

[godamnarmsrace]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Emmerdale Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden Characters: Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle Additional Tags: robron - Freeform, the ring - Freeform, breaking my own heart right now, Angst, based on theories of Robert not wearing his ring, otp Series: Part 15 of My Tumblr Ask Love Reply Fics Summary:

I wrote something in response to this post with pics from last night’s episode of Robert not wearing his ring…I believe we don’t actually know if he was or wasn’t but the mini plot bunny had already taken a hold.

#Robron #look ma I wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #i love my boys #ao3 #robert jacob sugden #aaron dingle #the ring #a little angsty

[godamnarmsrace]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Emmerdale Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden Characters: Aaron Dingle, Robert Sugden, Cain Dingle, Adam Barton, David Metcalfe, Pete Barton Additional Tags: robron - Freeform, Never Have I Ever, Drinking Games, Cain and Robert are bff, everyone is weirded out about Cain and Robert being mates, otp, tmi makes everyone rush off, Adam wants to know all their secrets, Cain apparently has a few secrets of his own, the break-up never happened and the mill is a happy place filled with laughter and porn, the mill, Strange Friendships, two lads in love, husband era Series: Part 3 of Cain Dingle and Robert Sugden BFF Summary:

anonymous asked: You could never play 'never have I ever...' the sex edition with Robron. They've had sex everywhere. I bet they've even, with some degree of difficulty, done it on their spiral staircase...

“…and when I came home they were all in their pyjamas drinking wine straight from the bottle playing that ‘Never have I ever’ game, you know the one? ” David said, clearly amused by the memory.

“I’ve never played it,” Aaron confessed, shrugging his shoulders.

“What? Mate, really? Never? Oh, we so have to play,” Adam said, his eyes full of dancing glee at the very prospect.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not drunk enough for this,” Robert interjected and he wasn’t at all surprised when Cain grunted in agreement from his perch on a breakfast stool.

“We need shots,” David said, getting up from the table and making his way over to their liquor stash. He gave it a once over before asking, “You got any Whisky?”

“No!” Aaron and Robert both said at the same time and Robert cast his eyes back over his husband to see if his mood had changed but Aaron was still smiling back at him, and Robert felt his own lips twitch in a subtle response.

#Robron #look ma I wrote something #zo'e did fic #otp #i love my boys #robert jacob sugden #aaron dingle #emmerdale #drinking games #birthday fic for Haley #cain dingle and Robert sugden bff #just a bit of fun #no break-up fic

[godamnarmsrace]

Mandate

Whoops I did it again - Pt.2 of my Cain Dingle and Robert Sugden BFF series.

Thanks @bluewinseverytime for the speedy beta.

“What are you doing tonight?” Aaron asked, before shoving a piece of toast in his mouth, as he watched his husband down the rest of his coffee.

“Nothing probably, why?” Robert said, taking his empty cup to the sink. He stole a piece of Aaron’s toast as he passed and stood to lean against the sink smiling, as his husband scowled at him over its loss.

“Boys night out with Adam. You can come if you want?” Aaron said, raising his eyebrow in question.

“Nah, it’s okay. You go do your thing,” Robert replied moving across the kitchen to Aaron and leaning in for a kiss.

                                                         ***

Adam and Aaron were in the Woolpack, trying to decide if they could work up the energy to actually go into town or if they’d just keep it simple with darts and a few pints, when Cain appeared at their table.

“Where’s Sugden?” his uncle asked, sounding angry, but then that was pretty much his default setting.

“At home watching the new Star Wars movie or something equally lame,” Adam interjected, before Aaron could open his mouth. He felt like he should defend Robert’s life choices, but the truth of the matter was, he probably was sitting at home clutching a bowl of popcorn and talking to the television.  His husband is a massive nerd. Hot as fuck, but a nerd to his core.

Cain let out a grunt of acknowledgement and turned to leave, “Okay, I’m off.”

“You’re not sticking around?” Aaron asked, trying to work out if his uncle was acting weirder than normal.

“Got stuff to do,” Cain said leaving before Aaron could ask any more questions.

Adam laughed, “Was that strange?  It felt like he was being even more vague and shifty than normal.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say so he just shook his head, staring at the door his uncle had just exited. There had been quite a bit of unusual behaviour from his uncle lately.

“You don’t think Robert’s done something to piss him off do you?” Adam asked still laughing, the concern for his brother-in-law was touching really.

                                                           ***

Robert was emptying a bag of microwave popcorn in a bowl when someone started pounding on the front door of the Mill. Aaron kept forgetting his keys lately and although Robert had threatened to tie them around Aaron’s neck, complete with a bow, he also kind of thought it was adorable.  He might even be able to barter some kisses from his husband to let him in the house. Smiling he opened the door and said, “Did you forget to… Cain, hi!”

Aaron’s uncle was the last person in the world Robert expected to see on his doorstep. What the hell was he doing here?

“Can I come in?” Cain asked looking around the room behind Robert.

“Umm I guess,” Robert replied, resisting the urge to shut the door in his face.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Cain barked at him, giving Robert a look that clearly said he thought Robert was an idiot.

“Asking? I don’t know? What is the right answer here?” Robert said pinching the bridge of his nose, totally confused.

“I brought lager,” Cain said, shouldering his way past Robert and into the flat. Shoving the beer against Robert’s chest, forcing him to grab a hold of the bottles to prevent them from crashing to the ground.

“Okay,” Robert said slowly, moving over to the couch and putting the beer down on the coffee table. Not sure what to do next. He watched as Cain made himself comfortable on the couch, that had taken Robert and Liv two hours to pick out.

“Have you started the movie yet?” Cain asked, putting his dirty work boots on the designer coffee table. It made a tick start under Robert’s right eye.

“What?” he asked distractedly. “Umm, no I was just making some popcorn.”

Robert frowns at Cain and the way he’s just here, in Robert’s space. “So, um you’re staying then?” he questions, wondering if Cain would murder him if he asked what was going on?

Cain plumped one of the cushions placing it behind his head, “Yeah, where’s the popcorn you mentioned?”

“I’ll get it,” Robert said, relieved to have something to do with his hands. Why did he always feel like he should pinch himself or put up his fists, whenever Cain approached him of his own volition.

                                                            ***

Robert knew he’d have to watch this movie again later when Cain wasn’t around, because he kept getting distracted by the fact Cain was here watching a movie with him. What was this? The first sign of the apocalypse?

“We should watch Total Recall next time, not the remake the original, you got that one?” Cain suggested, when the credits started rolling, before getting to his feet.

Robert nodded gob-smacked that Cain even knew that there had been a remake.

“Okay, next Friday? You can get the beer,” Cain ordered, making his way to the door. He stopped and looked back at Robert like he wanted to say something, but grimaced and turned back to the door clearly changing his mind.

Robert watched from his spot on the couch at a loss to know what the hell had just happened, as Cain opened the front door only to find Aaron standing there with his fist raised poised to knock. Huh, so he did forget his keys after all.

                                                           ***

“Did you have a date with my uncle?” Aaron asked standing at the window watching as his uncle walked up their driveway.

Aaron turned to look at Robert, a smile on his face, eager for his husband’s response.

“I- think so,” Robert replied, sounding anything but sure.

Aaron couldn’t help it, he started laughing, the whole thing was too unreal. It was hilarious that Robert had finally made a friend and it happened to be his monosyllabic uncle, who had more issues than the two of them combined. “Are you gonna see him again?”

Robert pulled a face, one Aaron couldn’t quite interpret. “Next Friday apparently,” he said, somehow managing to sound both sullen and confused. “Stop laughing, this isn’t funny.”

Aaron waved a hand in front of his face, trying to catch his breath but it was hard. The situation, coupled with Robert’s sheer disbelief that this was his life now, had Aaron bending over and clutching his knees trying to force some air back into his lungs. “It’s a little funny,” he couldn’t stop himself from replying when he could speak again.

#robron #robert sugden #aaron dingle #cain dingle #emmerdale #look ma i wrote something #zo'e did fic #cain dingle and robert sugden bff #robron fanfic #fic #robert and cain are bbf's #thanks matty #how does this keep happening to me #my obsession with their friendship