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#your head canon is valid
ragnarlothcat · 1 month
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I know I’m a chronic overthinker but I’ve been in the same fandom for three years or so now and I was reflecting that writing seemed so much easier when I first started out. Just looking at my output since 2021 shows a clear trend: I’ve been writing much less and it’s been taking me way longer.
I figured that I’d gotten a little burned out and that three years is a long time to focus solely on the same two guys making out and that there’s a limit to the number of situations I can put them in before I start to get bored. But I don’t think that’s quite my problem because even now, a million years later, I have ideas for dozens of fics and AUs that would be interesting to explore or funny to write.
No, it’s that I’ve let the larger fandom overwhelm me and it’s left me constantly second-guessing my writing. And I don’t mean that I’ve gotten nasty comments or asks, because I haven’t! All the other fans have been consistently wonderful and fun people with really valuable insights. And it’s not that I’ve been obsessing over stats or comments or worrying about going against popular headcanons. I mean, I’m just as excited as anyone else to see an AO3 email in my inbox but I’m also perfectly happy posting niche fics for an audience of me and my three weirdest friends.
It’s more that after so long engaging with other fans and other fics and the general meta, I’ve ended up writing too self-consciously. I’ve read so many interpretations of canon events, analyses of characterization and comparisons between fiction and real-world politics over the years, and I’ve enjoyed them because I genuinely care about these stories and these characters! I like seeing what everyone else thinks and then considering their points of view, no matter how bewildering they might seem at first.
But now it feels like I’m writing almost defensively, like I have to justify every choice I’m making based on this enormous and contradictory body of information. Three years ago I’d have written a scene in a few thousand words and moved on to the next plot point with my momentum intact. Now I’m constantly wringing my hands over things like physical details (I guess he’s not exactly a redhead) or broader social implications (is this trope misogynistic?) or finicky logistics (these locations are too far apart for this scene to make sense) or controversial character nuance (does writing this guy as a kind, doting husband make me an abuse apologist???) and the result is that I’m paralyzed with indecision and a ridiculous need to support everything I write with a lot of context that isn’t especially fun to write or, I suspect, especially fun to read.
I’m aware that this problem is entirely in my own head and that no one has asked me for any of this. And it’s not that all those questions aren’t interesting and important things to contemplate. But I miss the days of sitting down at my laptop and going “wouldn’t it be funny if these dorks played a video game together?” and then writing exactly that.
I don’t know. Were my fics better three years ago? I kind of doubt it. I’ve looked back at some of them and if nothing else I now have a better grasp of what tense I’m supposed to be using. But I definitely had more fun writing those older stories, which maybe feels more important.
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twobrokenwyngs · 1 year
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remember when Mark Hamill said, “if you think Luke is gay, then of course he is”? how is it that a 65-year-old man could so easily understand and embrace a concept that so many young people in fandom struggle with?
every day I see posts, in varying degrees of seriousness, of people threatening to commit seppuku if their blorbo isn’t canonized as gay or their OTP doesn’t kiss on screen. I see people holding their breath in anticipation of seeing their headcanons played out, I see people threatening creators and cursing god at the idea of their favs - who, let’s be real, were almost certainly conceived and written as straight in the first place - not suckin’ ‘n ‘fuckin on primetime tv.
if it’s been said once it’s been said a thousand times — y’all have got to stop giving canon so much power. calling for representation is one thing but when you start resting your enjoyment (not to mention your mental and emotional stability) on whether or not your interpretation of characters and their dynamics becomes “real,” you’re doing it wrong. you just are.
if that’s the way you see it, it IS real. because it’s all made up in the first place!! canon isn’t law, it’s nothing but building blocks, and it’s no more “real” than the version of things in your head. so like. chiiiill. may we all aspire to be more like Mark Hamill.
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shima-draws · 6 months
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Slamming my head against the wall god fucking DAMMIT I'm so in love with Sanlu I am GOING to explode.
#One Piece#Sanlu#Sanji#Luffy#IDK WHAT IT IS!! IDK!!!!#Still love Zolu with all my heart but oh my GOD Sanlu. They are everything.#I might be reading too many fics bc it really feels like a fanon thing that Sanji's actually like#Really insecure and has low self-esteem#OR MAYBE THAT'S CANON IDK!!#But hnghhh Luffy being the one to be like. Hey I like you for you and not for your past#And I love everything about you and that's a FACT and not a lie and I want to keep you with me forever#AND I WILL NEVER REPLACE YOU WITH ANYBODY ELSE. YOU ARE MY COOK AND I DON'T EVER WANT ANOTHER#And Sanji craving affection and validation and praise SO bad that whenever Luffy gives it to him he wants to cry#BASHES MY HEAD INTO A TABLE AUUGHGHGHG SHUT UP!!!!!#MAYBE THAT'S FANON SANLU BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. I DON'T CARE IT'S SO GOOD#SLURPS THAT SHIT UP#Sanji especially feeling that he's not worthy enough for Luffy and thinking it'd be impossible to have him#So when Luffy actually does reciprocate he's in SHOCK bc how. How could Luffy pick HIM of all people#Cut to Sanji feeling like the LUCKIEST motherfucker on the planet bc he gets to have Luffy. SCORE.#Luffy blowing away all of his insecurities and anxieties and worry just by being himself and being so#STUPIDLY in love with him is just#HOLLERS AND SMACKS THE TABLE REPEATEDLY#ALSO IT DOESN'T HELP THAT OPLA MADE IT SO BLATANTLY OBVIOUS TOO#Luffy complimented his cooking one (1) time#And Sanji was like okay yup packing my bags for the Merry as we speak#When he smiles and looks a little flustered at Luffy's attention.#Oh my fucking god. Strangling myself.#THEY ARE EVERYTHING!!!#Shima speaks
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ratballet · 5 days
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if i can be totally honest The Copiiia Drama makes me insane because it's the most Nothing controversy of all time 😭 if you're looking at fanworks where copia and terzo aren't related (which is like 97% of them!) then what you have after that is a Normal Ass m/m Ship. that's literally just two guys. 😭 it's.... nothing. people ship them because they're the two most famous and popular frontmen and it's fun to imagine them in the fictional setting together. we are working with fragments of canon that mostly exist for the purpose of stage banter and tour announcements. it is JUST NOT THAT DEEP
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heph · 3 months
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Hey, I remember you mentioning on your IG something about two types of popular artists and one being good at social media and the other being good at art or something like that (I can't really remember lol). But it got me thinking, any tips for how to be good at social media? Cuz I'm certainly not even after posting art for six years lol
Heya!
What I meant by that is that there are traits that allow you to grow on social media, and traits that determine what a highly skilled artist is, and those traits do not always necessarily overlap.
I've seen so many amazing artists that post artwork that blow my head off, and yet they don't have many likes. On the other hand, some artists at the same skill level who draw more popular things will get way more attention.
That is not to say that either is the correct way to create art, but there is definitely a formula to social media that is in play.
There are a lot of posts about how to grow a social media account, particularly on TikTok, YouTube and Instagram art spheres, and imo you really need to examine what you want from your art before jumping into social media mode
The stuff you create to pander to social media might not be art that you want to create at all - I'm lucky, because I am less artist more storyteller, and what I enjoy is telling jokes and silly stories to liven up people's moods :] this, of course, conveniently does well on social media. On a personal note, I have a history of being a recluse and not connecting well with people, and art is my way of trying to communicate my feelings, one way or another.
So of course, if you draw for any reason other than my own, my approach to art and it's relation to social media might be inappropriate for you.
All that being said, if u take a look at those "get big on social media" videos they always cite the same few points... And you can look into that, for sure, but this video sums up how I feel about all that.
I spent like 20 minutes drafting words after the above paragraph, but I really ended up regurgitating sentiments from the video... So really don't listen to me, listen to that video
EDIT:
I just realised I didnt actually answer the question with my anecdotal experience, so here's a list of things I did
1. Posted like 3 doodles a day on social media
I did this for 6 months on a side account on Twitter recently and got the account to 11k followers... And I did this for 3 months on Instagram a few years ago and I think got 3.5k followers. Of course, do not spam maliciously and make sure your art is still of good quality, but for those artworks I posted quickly, I did not colour, and mostly did clean sketches. This also trains you in the matter of line confidence haha. Again, this worked for me because of my set of circumstances (love for the media, want to tell stories, simple art style)
2. Focus on my favourite aspects of media
This helps with respect to burnout - kinda hard to burnout when you love what you're making! For me, it's character interactions and comics. I want to see my blorbos kiss and if I'm not the one drawing it who will?!
3. Interact with people
People eat up work that they can interact with. A choose your own story situation, one of those like/rt to strip a character 😭 those do numbers for a reason.
Additionally, if you post stuff people love, people will respond to it with comments, maybe their own headcanons, adding on to the work... I've gone into long looong Twitter thread conversations with people who added onto my ideas that I threw up onto the screen and I think it's also a nice thing to do to respond to positive comments haha... I'm not very good at this (read: bad at communication)
I think that's the key points... Hope this helps!
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yourplasticpal · 8 months
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So, in Good Omens, if we see food as an allegory for sex, and food is Aziraphale's Thing while Crowley isn't really into it (unless you count drinking, though he does love watching his angel experience pleasure), my ace ass really wants to see The Kiss as a romantic asexual who finally found their Person, against all odds, but now, faced with a breakup and the return of unimaginable loneliness, is desperately trying to make their beloved allosexual "happy", by any means necessary.
Words didn't work, and my love language is gifts and acts of service anyway, and I know you love ... let's shorthand it to earthly pleasures, so here, here's an earthly pleasure, I'm offering, whatever you want, just please, please don't leave me.
Which is all incredibly unhealthy (take it from someone who has been there, and looks back now through the lens of SO MUCH THERAPY), and frames the subsequent "breakup" in a much more positive light because, babes, that would have been the wobbliest, crumbliest, crappiest foundation for a relationship in the history of ever. That gambit needed to fail. For both your sakes.
We'll get you to that South Downs cottage yet, but there's a lot of hard work on yourselves between there and here.
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daz4i · 9 months
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I'm gonna let you in on a badly kept secret. most of my dazai analysis is truly just me projecting. but being decent enough at bullshitting to make it sound convincing so ppl usually end up agreeing with my takes
#what i lack in actual reading comprehension and analysis abilities i make up for in charisma and fake confidence#ahdjfllhh or maybe my projections just fit! maybe i accidentally do make good analysis! or at least offer alternative readings!#anyway i was thinking abt his relationship with pain again. and i started writing an essay in my head#before realizing I'm basically describing my own relationship with it. and that my experiences are not universal esp in regards to that#but just bc they're not universal doesn't mean they're nonexistent! who's to say dazai doesn't have them as well 😩#fr tho i think with a character like him that hides a lot of himself and his true feelings. insisting on one 'canon' reading is dumb#the whole point is you view him through your own personal experience. imo. that's what he'd want too#the emptiness inside him is meant to be filled by his audience. whether inside the story or outside it. i think.#that's why he is one thing around fyodor and another around atsushi and i see him one way and you see him in another one#and all these readings are right and all these versions are still him. you don't know what's inside the donut after all#but again :) even this part could be just me projecting :) but see how nicely i bullshitted through it to make it sound deep?#(<- being sincere but hiding it with irony as to not get rejected. as one does) (<- admits it bc who tf would get this far into my tags)#(but thank you if you did ily) (also shoutout to anyone who ever validated my unhinged analysis/projection mwah)
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bitchthefuck1 · 2 years
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Hate when people are like "you can keep your cookie-cutter love stories, I like toxic, dark relationships in media because that's way more interesting," and then everything they say or write about the toxic, dark relationship they love is just. forcing it into true love marriage and babies.
If you love toxic relationships so much, why are you trying so hard to convince everyone that this is healthy, actually, just let them cannibalize each other like God intended.
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giantkillerjack · 2 years
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Shout-out to the galaxy-brained Lupin III artists who draw Zenigata as a man in his 40s with a receding hairline and a hairy dad bod 10/10 THIS is the Zenigata that Lupin wants to fuck!!
Let middle-aged characters look middle-aged and sexy 2023!!!
#original#lupin iii#zooploop#zeniloop#zenigata x lupin#Do YOU wanna reach the age of 45 and realize you're only attracted to people under 30?? idk if folks realize how many of our beauty#standards are based on things associated with being under 30-something#tight skin. full thick head of hair. muscles. stamina. unblemished complexion. - these things are great but#Y'all have to know that part of the human life cycle is... losing all of that!#what are you gonna do? die about it??#or are you gonna fuck severely into the grave like me and Lupin???#(or are you uninterested in sex or sex as i describe it and also totally valid?? aroace people are valid.)#lots of people get fat as they get older and everyone will eventually become disabled if they live long enough#if these things make a person unfuckable in your eyes then where will that leave you in a few years time??#folks who draw zenigata ripped are valid but i am unironically into a soft belly#if he looks like a harried average dad with cute eyes who hasn't slept in two days well then he looks like zenigata to me!#and i specifically am looking for content of zenigata so i want it to look like him!#(tho again there isn't a canonically wrong way to draw him unless you made him like. white.)#anyway what i am saying is 'dulce et decorum est pro old men masturbatori'#(it is sweet and proper to jerk off to old men)#jack! i hear you say. that's a weird context in which to reference a poem about the horrors of world war one!#and to that i say#yeh#stupid hollywood with their stupid tiny narrow idea of what is desirable
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snoozefm · 1 year
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when i make a silly little kagehina posts and ppl reblog with definitely canon or any other variation yeah endorphin rush actually
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welcometogrouchland · 2 years
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Man sometimes a character is boring or underdeveloped and sometimes they are interesting and well developed but you're just not putting in the effort to chart their arc even a little
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gingerbread-in-july · 2 years
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Y'all take shipping way too fucking seriously. Y'all need to focus less on all this lame ass ship discourse and normalize shipping Eddie with everyone because there aren't many people he wouldn't have chemistry with if they gave him the chance.
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lady-raziel · 2 months
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“Fallout TV show retconned New Vegas-“
Stop. Listen to me. Look me in the eyes. “Canon” isn’t real. I’m completely serious. It’s whatever you want it to be. This franchise is rooted in games where you literally choose what ending you want based on your actions. Please, please for the love of god tell me that this whole time some of you have not been deciding that in games with multiple endings there is actually one “real” ending and all the others are “not canon.” If you really want my opinion half the fun of this whole series is that EVERY SEQUENCE OF EVENTS IS EQUALLY “VALID.” It’s time to kill the Todd Howard in your head and realize that literally no one is stopping you from choosing what to believe is part of this series. Incorporate every game, including the ones that never got made and only exist as details on the wiki. Or don’t. Decide that only the first two games and New Vegas are real and pretend 3 & 4 don’t exist. Create a new timeline in your head where EVERYTHING happens BUT Fallout 3 and yet Fallout 4 still fucking happens. Incorporate the fan theories you like and disregard the ones you don’t. Add your headcanons. Just MAKE SHIT UP. It doesn’t fucking matter! And that’s beautiful!!!! War never changes but goddamn canon sure will, but only if you believe!!
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shizucheese · 3 months
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Hey guys, we need to talk. Because a certain little something in TMAGP 8 is causing what is genuinely the most toxic part of the Magpod fandom at large to once again rear its ugly head. So let's talk about podcast character appearance head canons, shall we?
I'm tagging this with the Magnus Archives, TMA and Magpod tags because I am absolutely calling all of you out, but if you don't want spoilers for The Magnus Protocol episode 8 then stop reading right now.
.
.
. Okay, so, Gerry exists in the TMAGP universe. He's happy (or at least acts cheerful). And some people have headcanoned this to mean that he is no longer goth, or at the very least isn't dying his hair black with bad box color. And other people have decided to get seriously agro over this. I have literally seen with my very own eyeballs someone call "un-gothing" Gerry a "hate crime" and calling the person they were talking to "gothphobic."
Let me make this absolutely clear for all of you: podcasts are a purely audio medium and unless a physical trait of theirs is explicitely stated, everyone's headcanon for how a character appears is valid. Goth TMAGP Gerry is valid. But also
Rainbow Goth TMAGP Gerry is valid. Pastel Goth TMAGP Gerry is valid.
Not Goth At All TMAGP Gerry is valid.
Bald Gerry who has actually gotten his brain cancer diagnosed in time and is getting treated for it is valid. Somebody's headcanon of a character that has no canonical description to them, or whose headcanon matches the few crumbs of canonical description we have but otherwise doesn't look the way you imagine them to, is not going to take away from your own headcanon of what a character looks like. If someone imagining or drawing a character looking a different way from how you imagine them looking somehow takes away from your enjoyment of the fandom or otherwise makes you feel like you need to barge in and tell them that they're Wrong and need to conform to your headcanon or else, that is a reflection on you, not them.
And this problem way predates TMAGP, let alone TMAGP 8. The only description we have of John is that he is in his early 30's and has prematurely greying hair.
If someone thinks he looks like the pastiest motherfucker to ever dwell in a basement, an extra-in-the-Adam's Family or Tim Burtan protagonist of a man, let them.
What's that? You want to tell them that John is BROWN and if they don't headcanon him looking that way they're WRONG and RACIST? Back away from the keyboard and go outside.
(Ironically, as someone who started getting grey hairs in my hair in my 20's myself, I'm pretty sure everyone's headcanon of John, with tiny little whisps of grey in his hair, is wrong, because if he was so grey that people were surprised to learn he was "a child of the 90's," he was probably full on salt-and-pepper when he was in his 20's.)
The only description we have for Martin is that he (man who canonically has the self esteem of a used doormat) describes himself as "not the smallest guy", Not-Sasha called him "roomy", Melanie is skinner than him, and Jonny said he imagined him as a "bigger guy" who would beat Alex in a physical fight. If someone decides to take this information and conclude that it means he's tall, broad and has muscle, rather than that he's overweight, fucking let them. If your first instinct to this is to run to your keyboard and call them "fatphobic" or otherwise bash them for it, I once again urge you to back away from your keyboard and go outside.
Someone headcanons Basira not wearing a headscarf? We have exactly 0 canonical physical description of her and the people who headcanon her as having one are basing that purely off of her name alone. Fucking let them. Someone headcanons Melanie and/ or Georgie as a skin color you don't agree with or a hairstyle you don't like? Fucking let them. As long as someone's headcanon of a character's description doesn't contradict the few canonical descriptions we have of a character, why do you care? Them having a different headcanon from you doesn't take away your right to imagine the characters looking however you like, anymore than it should take away their right to do the same. Someone headcanoning John as white (or Black, or Asian, or Mixed, or whatever) isn't going to make all of the fanart of John as brown with long hair suddenly disappear, nor the fanfiction describing him as such (although I do often wonder if the opposite is not true; is the fact that John looks the same in so much of the fanart I see on here really because of fandom "consensus", or is it because people are absolutely awful to anyone who draws him Different?). Someone headcanoning Martin as not fat isn't going to make the mountains of fanart of him as a fluffy little marshmallow vanish into the void (although I do remember hearing about someone getting bullied off the internet for daring to draw Martin as not fat). And someone headcanoning Gerry in TMAGP as not being goth isn't going to take away your preciouse goth TMAGP Gerry headcanon. That should be part of the fun of it, shouldn't it? Seeing what different images people have conjured in their heads of these characters we only get to experience with our ears, and celebrating the differences as well as the similarities? Why are we bullying people into conforming to one appearance of a character when no actual canonical appearance of them exists?
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luminnara · 3 months
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Unheavenly Creatures | Feyd Rautha/reader (NSFW 18+)
Summary: Feyd Rautha has taken a liking to you, a handmaiden accompanying your mistress on a diplomatic visit to Giedi Prime. He decides it's time to add another darling to his collection.
Warnings: knife stuff, blood stuff, mentions of murder, sex, a lil cannibalism, sex sex sex, dubcon-ish tones? lots of biting, it's feyd rautha it's not gonna be all sunshine, but he is also not as terrible as canon entirely so idk
Word count: 6k
Check out my feyd rautha playlist!
Tags: @austinswhitewolf @aeilani @maneater17 @serrendiipty
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The Harkonnen palace was a cold place, not in the sense that the air was crisp and you could see your own breath, but rather that the austerity of its halls and monochromatic decor felt positively frigid. As if even the buildings weren’t meant to harbor life on this toxic, forsaken rock anymore. Everything you had seen of Giedi Prime so far had felt the same—stark, brutal, inhospitable. A barren wasteland with blinding white skies and dark acid rain.
And yet, House Harkonnen seemed to thrive beneath the black sun, growing numerous and powerful and rich. Before arriving, you had heard horror stories, rumors of what Baron Vladimir and his nephews were like, none of them pretty. When you had been informed you’d been chosen to accompany your own House’s leaders on a diplomatic trip to the Harkonnen homeworld, you’d considered pretending to be sick to get out of it. Faking your own death had seemed like a valid option at that point.
But with little choice of your own, you were forced to follow along as a handmaiden, and from the moment you set foot on Giedi Prime, you were determined to keep your head down and hope that the meetings went smoothly so that you could return to your own planet as quickly as possible. As you walked dutifully behind your Lady, hands folded and eyes trained on your feet, you couldn’t help but wrinkle your nose at the putrid, chemical air, unaware of the dark eyes watching you.
“My nephew, na-Baron Feyd Rautha,” Baron Harkonnen rasped, his voice like dry gravel. His words had you glancing up to finally look at what the Harkonnens considered royalty, and what was supposed to be a quick peek turned into a curious stare. The Baron himself was a large man, and he was levitating, wearing a long black robe that touched the ground even while he was so high above it. Tubes connected him to what you could only assume was some sort of breathing apparatus, a dark, spherical thing floating behind him. Standing behind him to his right was a much younger man, dressed in black and staring directly at you.
You felt a chill fly up your spine.
Feyd Rautha tore his eyes away from you and inclined his head in acknowledgement, looking to your Lord and Lady as formal pleasantries were exchanged. You kept your eyes down once more as you finally moved indoors, where the air was fresh and stale at the same time, and the walls were imposing and cold.
You followed along as your Lady was given the grand tour, a journey that ended at the guest wing. You were shown to your room and all but locked inside, left alone to inspect your temporary lodgings. If the rest of the palace was bleak, this was entirely featureless—a single boring bed sat in the center, a small table off to the side. There were no windows, not a shred of natural light despite how high the ceiling was. How anyone could willingly design such a place was beyond you, and you counted yourself lucky to only have to endure it for a short time.
Dinner was served that evening, hosted by the Baron and his nephew. You were permitted to join, dressed in a plain white gown as you sat in silence, doing your best to disappear. You could feel Feyd Rautha’s eyes upon you as you ate and tried to ignore him, cutting into what must have been meat and realizing it was rare at best, perhaps an organ from some large beast. Nonetheless you ate it, finding it adequate and perhaps even tasty, eating in the calm and measured manner expected of you back home.
Suddenly, Feyd barked a laugh. “A pet at the dinner table?”
You glanced up at him and found yourself fascinated once more. His pale skin, nearly white, was completely smooth; you had yet to see a Harkonnen with hair, though you did not know whether they removed it or simply never had it in the first place. His blue eyes were so dark they appeared black in contrast, and as he grinned at you, all you saw were black teeth, and it was somehow beautiful in that brutal, gruesome way of Giedi Prime.
“Do your pets always dine with you?” He rasped, his tone mocking.
“Na-Baron, she is not a pet,” your Lady said sternly, and you felt safe knowing that she would defend you. You were loyal to your House for a reason, after all; you knew your leaders would bring you home safe and sound. “She is my attendant.”
“You must forgive my dear nephew,” the Baron said. “Your customs are not ours.”
You expected a rebuttal, but none came, and Feyd Rautha’s eyes remained glued to you as you ate.
-0-
The negotiations seemed to stretch on.
After dinner, you had helped your Lady retire for the night and then returned to your chamber, laying in bed as you stared at the distant ceiling. All the stories you had heard of the Harkonnens swirled in your mind, and you thought of their recent extermination of House Atreides and shuddered. Your House was desperate to stay in their good graces, you knew, and who could blame them? No one wanted to end up slaughtered like the Atreides.
You told yourself that you were safe. Even if the Harkonnens had lured your Lord and Lady to Giedi Prime under false pretenses, you were only a servant; there was no reason to kill you as well. Aside from Feyd Rautha’s comments at dinner and the stark discomfort of the palace, nothing had happened to make you believe you were a target, and though you knew it was borderline blasphemous, you took some solace in the knowledge that it was more worth their while to kill your masters than you.
When you finally relaxed enough to close your eyes, however, sleep came surprisingly easily, and your dreams were simple and comfortable.
In the morning, you prepared the Lady for the day, and then she and the Lord entered their meeting with the Baron, leaving you alone. There was nothing to do but wander the guest wing, though that only occupied you for a short time as there was absolutely nothing to look at. Nothing in the way of art decorated the walls, and the architecture was so smooth and so plain you quickly grew bored of it. You doubted you would be permitted to participate in anything that even semi-resembled entertainment, and as minutes stretched into hours, you realized your feet had taken you out of the guest wing and into a corridor you had no memory of.
You turned in a circle, seeing nothing and no one familiar, and made the decision to continue on. Surely someone would have informed you of any off-limits areas upon your arrival, and with absolutely no guards in sight, it couldn’t be that bad for you to wander this area as well.
Your steps echoed around you, breaking the oppressive silence of the hall. The architecture was bafflingly different compared to that of your home, where wood and warm stone blended together to create buildings that felt welcoming. On Giedi Prime, everything was harsh and inhospitable—including the people and their homes.
Though your interactions with the Harkonnens had been brief thus far, you could confidently say that they weren’t winning any popularity contests, except perhaps amongst themselves. Nearly everything you’d ever heard about them was bad, and so far, you mostly found them strange; the Baron was fearsome in the way a sick, desperate animal was, with those eyes that followed people as if he were wondering what it would be like to crush their necks in his hands just because he could.
His nephew, on the other hand, was fearsome in the way a predator was. His movements were smooth and confident at dinner the night before, his eyes calculating as if counting how many moves it would take him to press a knife into your gut. You had heard of Feyd Rautha, the pretty boy of Giedi Prime, but you had never seen him before yesterday, and quite frankly, you had expected something else…but then again, what had you even expected at all? The na-Baron was surely cruel just as his uncle was, but he seemed…different.
The clang of metal followed by the sound of a muffled thud startled you out of your thoughts of Feyd, and with a start, you realized you were standing outside a closed door. It was the first noise you’d heard that wasn’t your own all day, and your heart pounded as you quickly stepped back. Perhaps you should run, lest you be caught outside the guest wing. Perhaps it wouldn’t matter at all, as no one has explicitly ordered you to remain in your chamber. And, above all else, perhaps you were curious about what lay on the other side of the door, and you took a step forward again.
It was only a heartbeat later that it opened, revealing Feyd Rautha.
“Well, well,” he said, voice rough, “what do we have here?”
He was dressed in all black, in what you assumed were casual clothes for the Harkonnen royalty.
“Apologies, Feyd Rautha,” you said quickly. “I was passing by and heard a sound.”
You could feel his eyes raking over you as he listened. Then, a smirk crept across his lips, and he help up a bloody dagger.
He did so slowly, and you knew it to be an attempt at intimidation. He wanted you scared. He wanted to shock and disgust the outsider who came from another great house, who had surely never encountered anything like him before.
But you were tougher than that. You may have been a handmaiden for a spoiled aristocrat, but on your planet, hunting was common. You’d had your fair share of field dressing game, and you weren’t one to shy away from a knife.
You eyed the dark blood dripping from the blade, then focused on his face once more. “I apologize if I have caused an interruption.”
“Not at all,” he said, brow twitching as he tilted his head slightly. “Though you are to address me as na-Baron. Only my darlings may use my name.”
“Of course, na-Baron. My apologies.”
“Why are you not in the guest wing, little pet?”
“I have nothing to do, na-Baron.” You shrugged.
This time, he grinned, baring black teeth. If he expected you to cringe away, he would be surprised to find that you seemed almost unimpressed with the display. “So you walk freely, as though you own this palace. I could kill you for the insolence.”
You looked at him boredly.
“I could gut you.” He took a step towards you. “Stick this knife into you. Right. Here.”
He was standing before you, the tip of the blade poking your belly, still grinning. At your lack of reaction, however, the grin faded slightly, nearly faltering.
“Not there,” you replied, a bit amused by his lack of skill.
“What?”
“If you aim to gut me, that’s a terrible place to start.” You wrapped a hand around his and moved the knife over slightly. “This is better.”
He watched your face. “You’re a Bene Gesserit witch.”
“No,” your lip quirked in a small smile. “No, I’m experienced in the ways of hunting and traditional field dressing. Our House is known for them.”
“You’re a hunter? A weak, little thing like you?” He pressed the blade against your dress and laughed.
You considered stepping back, away from the na-Baron and his knife, but you recognized the growing fervor in his eyes. He wanted to hunt, to pursue, to drive the blade forward until he could feel your blood on his skin. Feyd was like a hunting hound, eager to follow the scent of his prey, easily triggered by the chase. So you stood still, studying his pale, smooth face.
“The Lord and Lady enjoy hunting on the estate.” You finally answered. “I often assist in dressing the game after.”
“But have you killed?”
“My uncle took me hunting when I was young. I learned much about the ways of nature and the hunt.”
“You speak so formally,” he taunted, leaning in.
“I do, na-Baron,” you replied curtly. “I do not wish to offend.”
With a sick smirk, he leaned into you even further, lips brushing your ear. “Have you killed a human?”
You watched him from the corner of your eye, and he watched you.
“Na-Baron, I fear I’m lost. I’ll return to the guest wing promptly if you’ll point me in the right direction—“
“Don’t change the subject, pet.” He drew back. “Lying to me is unwise.”
You swallowed hard. “Why do you wish to know?”
“You’ve caught my eye, little one,” he withdrew the blade, leaving the smallest stain on your dress. “And you’ve already told me all I need to know.”
You felt a chill, the back of your neck tingling as you watched him raise the bloody knife and lick it clean. Feyd Rautha was dangerous. More dangerous than you knew.
“Return to the guest wing,” he rasped. “I must attend to my darlings. They grow lonely without me.”
You stared, perplexed, as he strode away, an uneasy feeling washing over you as you turned and hurried back the way you had come. The sooner you could leave Giedi Prime and its unnerving House, the better.
-0-
“What?”
“Hush.” Your mistress scolded you, but you barely heard her.
Your head was too busy spinning.
“You are to remain here,” your Lord repeated. “In the employ of the na-Baron Feyd Rautha.”
Your heart dropped in a sickening way.
“You’ve been so very good to me,” the Lady said. “You’ll serve House Harkonnen very well, I am certain of it.”
“But I-I—I’m…” you paused, trying to catch your breath and quell the panic tightening your chest. “I’m loyal to our House, milady. And I want to return home, to the palace, and serve you.”
“Baron Harkonnen was insistent,” your Lord said flippantly. “It seems Feyd Rautha approached him sometime after our meeting yesterday, and this morning as we finalized the agreements, it was decided you’d be included in the negotiations. Imagine that, a fresh alliance with House Harkonnen and a fine sum for a handmaiden!”
“You…sold me?” You asked, your voice sounding incredibly small.
“Now, I’m sure you’re nervous, but really, these Harkonnens are nothing to worry about. Those nasty rumors back home are simply that, and I’m sure you’ll be well taken care of. Now, we must depart at once, and you are to be shown to the na-Baron’s chambers.”
“Ta ta, dear one!”
And just like that, your entire world was shattered.
As you followed a Harkonnen servant through the corridors, you kept your head down. You felt furious and lost, anger twisting in your gut. So much for loyalty—never before had you been made to feel so easily replaced, and yet they had given you away so willingly you could hardly believe it. Whatever negotiations had been made, whatever new deals struck, you had been deemed unimportant enough to your House to simply be left in the care of a dangerous man, and now you felt your very life was suddenly in grave danger.
“We have arrived, milady,” your guide said timidly, hunching her shoulders and clasping her hands tightly as you turned to look at her.
“Thank you,” you replied, brow furrowed slightly in confusion. “Am I to…enter?”
“Yes, milady,” she seemed to bite the words, not angrily, but in an effort to get them out quickly.
“Is Feyd Rautha inside?”
“Yes.” Came the whispered affirmative.
The bald woman was nearly trembling, and you felt as though perhaps you should be, as well. Feyd Rautha had been intimidating every time you interacted with him, and now that he had made the baffling decision to demand you remain on his planet, you were beginning to think you ought to fear him.
But he was only a man, you reminded yourself as you faced the door. Not a god. Not some supernatural being. The na-Baron was flesh and blood.
With a deep breath, you opened the door.
“You enter unannounced?” A familiar voice rasped.
Feyd Rautha was indeed inside what appeared to be living quarters, and the room seemed lavish by Harkonnen standards. A large bed with black sheets sat against the far wall, before which was a simple sitting area featuring oddly shaped sofas, all black as well. A mirror was mounted on the wall near the bed, and you chose not to wonder about its placement. You spied two doors on either side of the room, and in its center, stood the na-Baron.
“I was told to come here,” you said, voice tinged with irritation.
“And so you have,” he smirked, twirling a dagger in his hand as he approached you. "Obedient."
When he reached you, invading your space and nearly brushing against your chest with his, he caught the way your nostrils flared angrily and grinned. His black teeth, previously so fascinating, brought only annoyance now, much like the rest of him.
“May I ask what exactly is going on, na-Baron?”
“Oh, I simply couldn’t let you leave,” you felt his blade as the flat of it pressed up against your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “I had to have you, pet.”
“I am not a pet,” you spat, unable to contain yourself any longer. “And I demand to know exactly why I’ve been sold as one.”
The knife was pulled away as Feyd circled you. In the mirror near the bed, you could see him looking you up and down, appraising you freely now that the two of you were hidden from the rest of the galaxy.
“Your masters gave you away easily,” he said, stopping behind you. “They did not realize your true potential.”
“My potential?” You hissed, head jerking to the side to watch him from the corner of your eye. “And what might that be, na-Baron?”
In a blink, he had leaned in, rough hands suddenly gripping your sides as he brought his lips to your ear. “Call me Feyd.”
His too-hot breath on your neck and the tone of his voice caused your anger to stutter. “I-I thought only your darlings called you by your name?”
“Oh, it’s a clever pet,” he taunted, nipping your earlobe sharply. When he saw that you stayed still and didn’t flinch, he seemed pleased. “What do you know of my darlings?”
“N-nothing, I don’t even know what that means,” you answered truthfully.
“My darlings,” he began, a hand moving up to brush through your hair, short in the style of your position—former position—within your—former—house. “Are the most beautiful creatures. They are very special to me.”
You were in danger.
You knew it.
“I want you.” He said simply, pressing his lips to the back of your neck, and you knew he meant in every way. “Give yourself freely.”
“Why me?” You asked, mustering your courage to speak above a whisper.
He chuckled at that, running his tongue up your spine to the base of your skull. “You are just right, the perfect addition. You are unafraid. You have a taste for meat. And you have killed.”
You were silent for a moment, jaw squared. “I never told you that.”
His hands were creeping over your hips now, across the front of your dress. When he spoke, his voice was low and heady. “Who was it?”
Another long pause came as you wrestled with yourself, your tongue feeling too big for your mouth as you finally tried to speak.
“My father.”
As Feyd Rautha let out a guttural groan at your admittance, you stared at yourself in the mirror, and nearly didn’t recognize the person you saw.
“You and I are alike, pet,” his hands squeezed at you harshly while his nose pressed into your hair. “I killed my mother.”
A part of you felt sick at the suggestion that you were anything like the monster that was Feyd Rautha Harkonnen. Another part of you felt a strange comfort in the knowledge that you weren’t the only one in the room who had committed parricide.
“I haven’t shared that in a long time,” you admitted.
“Did he fight it?”
You could feel his arousal as he pushed his hips against you, the sensation bringing an unexpected fire to your core.
“Yes.”
“Did he deserve it?”
You stared at yourself in the mirror and saw an unexpected harshness in your eyes, the polite handmaiden now completely absent, replaced by what you had feared you truly were ever since the day of your father’s death; a killer.
“Yes.”
But if you had feared that you were bad for it, that you deserved punishment, Feyd Rautha seemed determined to prove otherwise. He turned you in his arms, never letting go, and brought his lips to yours in a greedy kiss.
“I need you now,” he breathed, almost sounding vulnerable for a moment.
“Take me,” you said against his lips, determined not to stop and think about what exactly you were doing.
If you were going to be kept and tortured by a Harkonnen prince, you may as well enjoy your last moments, right?
Feyd Rautha guided you to his bed in a way that was somehow both smooth and rough, gentle and demanding. He didn’t want to break you, but he wanted to see how far he could bend you before you snapped. He wanted to test you.
Your dress was quickly thrown to the wayside, torn by his dagger, his clothing following suit. As you lay on your back, fully bared to him, he crept over you, eyes taking over your body as he continued his earlier appraisal.
“So strange,” he muttered as he brushed his fingers over the soft hair between your legs.
“Are you…truly hairless?” You asked, eyeing his smooth groin. “You don’t…remove it?”
“Hair is…barbaric.”
You could have laughed at the irony of him of all people calling you a barbarian.
“I do not hate it on you,” he decided after careful consideration. “Perhaps you will keep this, for now.”
You had the odd feeling that you should feel grateful for the honor.
“It will set you apart from my other darlings,” his body moved over yours, eclipsing you as his hand reached between your legs.
He stroked you there, rubbing in a way that wasn’t gentle, wasn’t harsh, and wasn’t patient, all at once. When his lips captured yours once more, your mind spun—but it was a decidedly more pleasant spin than that short while ago when your entire world came crashing down. Feyd Rautha, while somewhat terrifying, was exhilarating, and as his fingers plunged inside of you and his kisses turned into demanding bites, you thought that perhaps this wasn’t so bad.
“That’s it,” he breathed, voice husky. “I want to hear you.”
Your whines and moans filled the heavy air. Feyd Rautha sought to conquer you, you realized; as you came, it wasn’t so much a favor to you as it was an ego boost for him. Either way, you benefited, and as he sheathed himself within you and his hips began rocking back and forth, you were glad for the warm up.
“F-Feyd,” you panted, nails digging into his back as you wrapped yourself around him.
He answered you with a low moan, face hidden in your neck. The na-Baron was merciless, driving into you over and over…but the heat that bloomed inside of you, that feeling that stemmed from your belly and ran all the way to your fingertips…was exhilarating.
He leaned back, one hand gripping your hip harshly, no doubt leaving bruises. The other found your throat and his fingers wrapped around it, squeezing, reminding you who he was. The heir to the Harkonnen throne. The pride of Giedi Prime.
Feyd Rautha.
Your face tingled as he held you, eyes seeking out his. The blue was nearly black, his pupils huge, like a big cat hunting in the dark. He was watching you, frenzied, feral in his ministrations, as if you were his prey and he had finally caught you. Just as your vision began to tunnel he let go and you gasped, gulping in air as he suddenly pulled out of you and rolled onto his back, manhandling you easily as you sank down onto him once more.
His hands were like a vice, pulling your hips down as he pushed up into you, still fucking you mercilessly even in this new position. You would never have expected this from him; you felt too powerful on top of him, too in control of someone who gave you every reason to assume that he wanted to be. That he would be the one weighing down on you, that he would forever and always be hovering over you as he made harsh demands. He was, truly, not as harsh as expected...not that you had ever, for a second, expected to be there with him.
He watched your tits bouncing above him, so much flesh laid bare for him to enjoy, and he soon pulled you down. When you expected him to return to your swollen lips, however, he instead moved his mouth to your chest, greedily sucking and biting your soft skin. He sank his teeth into you, reveling in your sharp gasp, answering it with a beastly groan that was so low and so loud you half imagined it must have shook the walls. The sound had your stomach twisting delightfully, your head fuzzy as Feyd Rautha pulled you closer, closer, closer, until you hardly knew where you ended and where he began. Half-formed thoughts swam in your head, none of them coherent, all of them about him as you desperately clawed at the arms that held you so tightly. He had wanted you, and now he had you, completely, all of you, in every sense of the word.
In that moment, you didn't hate it, or him, or that place; you wanted more. You wanted more of him. As your orgasm mounted, breaths coming in gasps, eyes glued to the pale man below you, you felt happy. Later, you would try to reason with yourself, tell yourself that it was simply chemicals in your brain that brought this on, but in that moment, you wanted nothing more than to do this over and over and over again with him.
"Yes," he rasped, voice muffled by your breasts. You felt the wet heat of his tongue in your cleavage, followed by the sharp bite of his teeth as he pulled you down onto himself. "Take it."
"Feyd," you gasped, eyes squeezed shut as your fingernails dug into his scalp. "Feyd!"
It came out as a half-scream as you felt the sting of his teeth, and it was enough to push you over the edge, plunging down into the abyss that was Feyd Rautha's love. His breath stuttered as his hips drove up against you, a growl sounding from deep within his chest as he came inside of you.
You felt his heart pounding as he held you, a sheen of sweat covering his smooth, pale body. You slumped over him, arms falling onto his shoulders limply. You thought you heard him laugh lightly.
"Good," he said, more to himself than to you.
He moved you easily, rolling you off of him and onto the bed as he pulled himself out. You felt slick and thoroughly used, not in a bad way, but in the way you imagined lovemaking should feel. You had never expected to feel such passion from Feyd Rautha, of all people. From a Harkonnen.
"Come." he stood and slipped his arms under you, scooping you up. Your arms immediately hooked around his neck, and as he carried you to one of the adjoining rooms, you wondered at how natural it felt to be with him now.
The door opened to reveal a steamy, dark bathing room, a large basin filled with dark liquid positioned in the floor. Feyd Rautha sank down into it and as you leaned your head against his shoulder, you heaved a sigh. The liquid was thicker than water but thinner than mud, like nothing you had ever felt before, and it was warm, soothing your bitemarks and sore muscles.
"What is this?" you managed to ask after several minutes of silence.
"Hmph." Feyd Rautha laughed, his whole body moving with the sound. "Oil and blood."
He paused, waiting for your reaction.
"...Ah." you said, wrinkling your nose for a moment as you looked down at the bubbling goo. "...It's nice."
His lips spread into a wide grin. "You don't find it disgusting, my darling?"
"It feels too nice to be disgusting right now."
Feyd Rautha moved a large hand to the side of your head and held you against him, pressing a kiss to your temple in a way that was almost tender. "Rest now. You will need it."
Too tired to ask why, you simply nodded, sinking into him as the blood bath steamed around you. If this was to be your fate now, you didn't mind it; and if he killed you tomorrow, at least your final day had turned out somewhat enjoyable.
-0-
"Do you like it?'
The question was simple, only four words, and yet it was never one you had expected to hear Feyd Rautha ask.
You had been living in his chambers for a week, sleeping next to him, eating with him, wearing what he chose and accompanying him wherever he went. You saw more of the Harkonnen palace--the training room was a frequent haunt, and you realized that it was the room you had wandered to on the day of your first conversation with him. You saw more of Feyd Rautha, as well, and you noticed how quickly he often decided to kill those around him.
But not you.
Never you.
He had yet to do anything worse than bite or scratch, occasionally bending your limbs too far when he tested your physical capabilities in his bed but always letting you go just before any real injury occurred. You often felt the smooth metal of his blades, but they never cut deep; he mentioned once that perhaps he would mark you with one soon, leave a scar that only he would ever be allowed to see, but he had yet to enact that fantasy. You weren't sure if that was good or bad.
Now, you stood before him, wearing a simple black dress that clung to your body and shone as if it were always wet, and your head felt too cold.
"I...don't hate it," you decided as you looked at your reflection.
"Good." he ran a hand over your smooth scalp.
"Will it grow back?"
"At first." he said in his accent that was growing more and more familiar to hear. "Eventually it will stop."
"And the rest...?"
He smirked, turning you to face him. "I told you, that will set you apart from my other darlings."
At the mention of their collective name, a hiss sounded from across the room.
You twisted your head to the side, spying the two women you had been introduced to three days earlier. One--who you had learned had been Feyd's the longest--sported a thick black line down her forehead today, but they were otherwise identical. They watched you curiously, bald heads tilted as they looked at you with big, black eyes. Their dresses were similar to yours, and as you glanced back at the mirror, you realized how you really didn't recognize yourself anymore.
Your teeth had been stained black already, your hair and eyebrows shaved and then the skin treated with something that the servants had explained would keep the hair away. You had already undergone one strange Harkonnen beauty treatment in what you had come to learn was a medical spa, and it was the only one that had frightened you--a strange machine had bared down upon you and done something to your eyes, injecting something that changed them and yet didn't change them, causing them to become big and black like Feyd's other darlings. You actually thought your eyesight was better now, somehow.
You matched them now, you realized, like a member of a set. Feyd Rautha's third concubine.
It was an upgrade from your last job, you supposed.
"It suits you." he pressed his lips to the base of your neck. "My darling."
"Thank you, Feyd," you said, growing more and more used to calling him by his name with every time you said it.
You felt him smirk against your skin. He was no doubt very pleased with himself, having managed to completely transform a murderous handmaiden into a sinister harpy in the course of only one week. Granted, Giedi Prime's days were significantly longer than on your home planet, but it was still a commendable haste.
"Come." he rasped in that gravelly voice you were beginning to love. "All of us. It is time for the arena."
He set off towards the door and you waited for the others before falling in behind them, moving as if the three of you had always belonged together.
"Will there be food?" one of them asked in a harsh, hissing voice.
"Yes," Feyd said gleefully.
"Hearts and lungs?" the other asked hopefully.
"Only the best for my darlings."
"Human?" she demanded clarification.
Feyd looked back over his shoulder, his eyes finding you even though he knew you had not asked the question. "Of course."
You stared back at him, swallowing hard. Human?
He grinned, and the others looked at each other excitedly. They both glanced to you and you gave the best black-toothed grin you could, not wanting to give any of them any reason to be displeased with you. Not after you had done so well all week.
Feyd Rautha led the way to the arena you had learned he loved to fight captured Atreides soldiers in, and after a short preparation (during which he killed at least two servants), a guard led him away while you and the others were taken up to a viewing room.
When you stepped inside you saw that a feast had already been laid out, platters of rare meat covering a short buffet table. As sunlight--or a lack thereof? Giedi Prime's sun continued to baffle you--light the room in that strange, black and white, infrared way, you stared at the food. You recognized it. Despite its human origins, you had no reason to be disgusted by it--because you had already eaten it, on that very first night, when Feyd Rautha had watched you cutting into your meal and commented on your presence at the dinner table.
As the others approached, picking out their favorites--lungs for one, a heart for the other--a grin found its way onto your face. Yes. Perhaps this was exactly where you belonged.
The crowd outside erupted in a roar of cheers as Feyd stalked into the sandy arena, and as you settled in next to the others to watch, you smiled to yourself. There was nowhere else you'd rather be in that moment than on Giedi Prime, eagerly awaiting the moment you could return to Feyd Rautha's chambers and celebrate his victory.
PART TWO
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chaosandmarigolds · 11 days
Text
Dreamscape
(canon? whats that? we go with vibes in this house. Fem!reader, based off an amazing!! ask....um this is just sadness, I'm sorry.....if you want to add more sadness listen to Chasing Cars (yeah I cry to that song 99% of the time sorry))
One day..
With a grumble, he adjusted to the sudden shift of your body weight, to where you were essentially laying over him, and out of pure habit he wrapped his arm over the small of your back- only for you to whisper a soft ‘sorry’ before standing up all the way. Which caused him to think, it was a Saturday and there weren’t any Ops he had been assigned, so there was no purpose in waking up before the sun. So with a tilt of the head, he moves to sit up, watching as you tug out the duffle bag from the couch.
Maybe when the war is over…
“Love?”
You almost jump as your fiance calls the nickname and you turn around, giving him a little smile, “Good morning.”
Simon gives you a look as he turns on the lamp and watches your mannerisms, the timidness behind every movement, “Wha’s goin on?” A valid question, what had happened was that you and Johnny were assigned to what Price lightly put as a ‘suicide mission,’ and what you didn’t want to happen was for Simon to force then add himself to it- as it would then decrease your chances of survival by that much. So you falter for a moment, trying to avert your gaze. With a panicked breath you motion to the kitchenette, “I’ll make tea! Oh! And let’s use the special type, the one we got from Inida? Yeah! Yeah-”
Of course, the echoed whisper of your name made you stop your walk and you slowly turned to face him, your face downturned, you were an awful lair, you were never sent to integrations because you hated to see people hurt. And it killed you to see him searching for an answer, to see him scared for your sake- and for the great and terrifying Simon Riley…that was saying something.
Once the smoke settles…
“You’re not going.”
“It doesn’t-” You groan and throw your head into your hands, “It doesn’t work like that, you know that.”
“No, you’re not going, ‘ll take the spot,” He was grasping at broken shards of sense because he knew the choice was set in stone that not even a sword made of the purest of intentions couldn’t crack it. “Let me talk to-”
“SIMON.”
You take a sharp breath and look at him from across the room, by that time you were fully dressed, hair tied back, boots laced up. Engangment ring which was supposed to be switched out in less than a week hanging onto your dog tags. It took a moment to find the words but they were able to come after a moment, “There is no talking to Laswell or the Captain, there is no loophole, there is no replacing, there is nothing you can do. I have it covered. I do not need you to come and save me when I can save myself.”
Maybe once we got ourselves picked up…
The silence was stiff, and he then finally relented, slowly walking over to you, tucking the tags into your shirt, voice hushed, “Johnny ‘ll take care of ya.”
“I did…I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know.” He pressed his lip to the crown of your head, “Jus lemme think I can save you from everythin.”
You stay silent, then with a short step you move to allow him to hold you, “You can.”
We can move somewhere far away, within the groves of tranquility …
You give Johnny a dull laugh as you walk down the rusted corridor, his laugh echoing through your earpiece. It was nice, laughing for what felt like the first time in forty or so hours, the mission was not even close to being finished and you were already running on steam. So obviously it was time for some lame jokes, “As much as fireworks sound fun, I don’t think I want that in my wedding.”
“Gah,” He chuckled from his spot, waiting for you to clear the hallway so he could follow, “Ghosty woulda lemme.”
“Oh yeah, Ghost would have loved it,” You return with a bitten-back laugh, and then turn the corner, leading with your gun, eyes looking over the blood splatters on the ground and you then whisper, “Clear.”
Before you could even blink the hiss of a gunshot hissed into your earpiece burning with such a pain you had to rip it out, hand going to your ear.
With a staggering step to catch your balance and blink the tears out of your eyes you were then met with a gun being shoved to the back of your head.
You never thought blinding light could hold such peace.
I would prefer our home to not be the shadows cast by the towering and rickety oaks, rather it be in the sun, lightened by new lives we could live
The carrier came back with supplies, no saved hostage, just two bodies left mangled by the enemy no captain even- the craft had been on autopilot.
A message, a warning left within that metal body.
The silence as the door swung itself open. They had all seen death, they had seen things no human should have seen.
There was something about the sight of their teammates laying tossed on the floor of an aircraft that made Kyle turn away
That made Price need a day before he filed the paperwork.
Something about it ruined Simon.
A large house ideally, so that way we can have as many kids and dogs as we want, something to usher in a new meaning behind our names
Silence is what he use to hold peace in, yet all he could hear when there was silence was the what-ifs, did you scream? Was it quick? Did it hurt? Why didn’t he go? Why did he let it happen?
That day he lost the only people he had loved and it was cursing him, bottles couldn’t cure it, opioids didn’t numb more than he had already been, nothing was saving him. He summed that up by saying maybe he didn’t deserve saving.
A garden, lively with bees and colorful with every flower I can manage to grow,
He couldn’t bring himself to go through your things, he was the next of kin, as for Johnny- all of his things had been shipped back to his family, yours? They sat where you had left them that morning you left, your notebook collecting desk on the coffee table, mug still half-filled with water. Lipstick stain still on his balaclava from the last time he took you out on a proper date.
In a drunken stupor, he grabbed the notebook, for the intention of tossing it away, forcing himself to forget every tiny detail of what was. But something told him to open up the pages, so for a millionth of a second he did, yet the sight of your handwriting which you would jokingly name ‘chicken scratch’ forever ingrained on the pages caused something in him to break all over again.
A porch where we can dance in the moonlight
“Riley.” John seemed shocked by the sight of the former lieutenant on his doorstep, sure he had offered ‘anything’ after the deaths, yet he never expected for Simon to take him up on it. For the first time in two years, for the first time since he had to discharge him, he saw what he thought was a completely sober man before him.
It was taking every ounce of Simon to not just turn away, to say it was a bad idea and run, run away from the emotions, but he was going to this…he had to. “You wanna build a house?”
A library so I can put all of those books you bought me, somewhere we can escape the haunting reality of the past
A year, he and John spent a year of work on the house once Simon found the perfect lot of land not too far out of London. Weekends spent from morning to dusk, John’s kids helping when they were in town and Eliza, John’s wife, coming by with food and to do the painting. The foundation has your name forever printed within it.
All of it sounds so poetic when I scribble them down, but the reality is as long as I have your love I am home
A garden he tended every morning and dusk to make sure they were perfectly planted, large enough to where the neighbors would come by to pick bouquets. He would watch the child run through the stone pathways, wondering what could have been.
The library was filled with novels he swore to collect, writing your name as the owner as he placed them in the rows of the shelving he took careful time carving.
I will love you forever and always, Ghost-boy
“You built a good home,” Kyle had told him, close to ten years after all of it had happened, sitting beside him on the porch. He knew it was probably the only thing that kept him alive this long, so he was thankful for it.
Simon nodded slowly, “Thank you.”
(annnyway, that’s all! Any and all comments, feedback and all that mean so much! Thanks for the ask!! <3)
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