#you don't understand the neurons that were firing when this idea came to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

female-malice · 2 years

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i'm 15 and this guy on discord has been trying to convince me into abandoning homosexuality and becoming catholic. he literally talked me into attending a catholic church. idk if i'm gullible or he's convincing but this goes against everything i've ever believed. i started having dreams about demons and God again the other night. i don't know what to do or even if i should do anything. he says the dreams are a sign i'm headed in the right direction and to pray to get rid of the demons. i think i need help but idk where to go and church is starting to be comforting instead of torturous like it used to be.

So, at the moment, you're being targeted by evangelicals.

The moment you walk into church, everyone in the room takes note. They all know you're new or you're returning after several years away. They've come across dozens just like you. And there's a whole initiation process that they're specifically trained for. Making you feel as comfortable as possible is their job. That's their life calling. To convince as many people as possible to commit to church.

So it's important you understand that you haven't wandered into a place that happens to be comforting. You're in a place that is strategically working to recruit you. Nothing is a coincidence. It's a campaign.

How and where you spend your time is up to you. I'm an atheist and I'm a spiritual person in my own way. I believe the spiritual path is important and unique to each individual. In my experience, church and organized religion are too limiting. Sometimes when people attempt to rigidly define spirituality, they end up snuffing it out. I don't want my spirituality snuffed out, so I don't define it. But this is just true of me and we're all different. I won't tell you what to do because I trust that you know what's best for you.

But I will tell you that I've had all kinds of crazy dreams. I've had demon dreams. Very incredible fascinating, thrilling, and sometimes terrifying dreams. I kept a dream journal for a while and I've made art from my dreams. The more you write down your dreams, the more detail you remember. A few months in, you'll be remembering the entire thing like it's a strange movie. At first, some of the details seem so messed up and scary.

"Why were my childhood friends there? What about these other characters who I've never met in my life? Why were we in this futuristic setting? Why did a giant hole tear through the fabric of reality? And why was it the end of the world with demons everywhere?"

I would often wake up asking myself these questions as I wrote my dreams out. And you know what? After a while, I really came to enjoy these dreams. I stopped focusing on the why. And I started to enjoy all the interesting details of my imagination. The dreams didn't bother me anymore. They were so fantastic and wild. I would never be able to come up with a story like that while I was conscious.

Dreams are a gift of biology. They are not an evil to be conquered. They are not a message from a higher power or creator. They are not from god. They are an important neurological process. They help us come up with new ideas and new solutions to problems. And that entire process comes from us. It's our neurons collaborating with our sleep cycle in a fascinating way. Sometimes dreams are nonsensical or disturbing. And it's important to remember that a lot of it is random. Just random firing of neurons. But randomness can lead to inspiration and can bring a fresh perspective to a stale problem.

And that's all a very long way of saying... embrace the demons.

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