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gch1995 · 2 years

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Hi could you help explain the cut between obi wans character between rots and anh? I can see him definitely blindly following the council in the prequels to the point where he actually attempts to kill anakin but then there’s a cut between his character in anh where he full on manipulates into trying to kill his own father. I know he followed the council strictly but it just feels… off for him. He clearly got emotional when he saw anakin and padmes children but what could’ve happened between that space of time that made him think it was ok to get Luke to wipe up the mess he contributed to?? (I’ve only watched 2003 clone wars and the prequels and OG trilogy for reference, I know that maybe the re do of clone wars might have some more info on it but I haven’t found the time to watch it. Even in the 2003 one I can see him being a bit of a dick and neglecting anakins needs but in ep 2 he comes off as more understanding.) thanks

If you look at Obi-Wan’s relationships with the people he cares about in the main canon of the OT and PT sagas (the movies and some of TCW here and there), his characterization is pretty consistent. Obi-Wan loves the people he grows attached to deeply, but it’s never enough to stop him from ass-kissing Yoda and the Jedi Council to fit in with them because, in spite of putting on a very arrogant and self-assured mask, much like Anakin’s sense of faith in his personal moral integrity and values weakens underneath that veil of bravado he wears, Obi-Wan doesn’t have faith in his own independence and personal beliefs either.

Even if he wasn’t the one to go to the dark side between the two of them, I’d still say that Obi-Wan’s lack of security in his own independence and personal beliefs were even worse than Anakin’s ever became. At the very least, Anakin learned to ultimately find some sense of security in his own personal agency and beliefs from his mother for the first nine years of his life, and continued to hold onto it in his love for family and friends throughout his life, even if it was weakened and twisted immensely over the next 34 years of his life in his fear of the unknown and increasing instability under the constant compromised agency of non-stop abuse, corruption, grooming, manipulation, and isolation of the Jedi Order and Sidious.

By contrast, Obi-Wan only can get a sense of security in his morality and self-worth through the external validation of fitting in with his master Qui Gonn, Yoda, the Jedi Council, and their broken and misguided code because he never developed any sense of faith in his self-worth outside of them at all. There is a personal conscience and sense of independent thought buried down there somewhere in Obi-Wan Kenobi, but he has no faith in himself to follow it at all. While he’s not wholly to blame for being that way as an adult since he was indoctrinated into this cult by Yoda from preschool, Obi-Wan also became too much of a coward to do the right thing, too.

I don’t really consider the Obi Wan Kenobi series legit canon. Yeah, the acting was good, but it can’t make up for the bad script, major retcons, and wild inconsistencies in characterization from the characters in the OT and PT movies.

If you guys want to comment, you can.

@praetor-canis

@tragicfantasy-girl

@fanfic-lover-girl

@fanfictasia

#Star Wars anon #obi wan critical #he was a very flawed character #the tragedy of obi wan kenobi #obi wan was a failure because he was a coward who was too afraid to stand up for those he cared about and his own conscience #disregarding OOC Disney and TCW stuff obi WAN’s characterization is consistent #anti kenobi series

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yamithediaperdork · 3 years

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Baby of the family OR Birthday wishes are tricky pt 1 (Power pack)

Baby of the family OR Birthday wishes are tricky

It was Alex's 15th birthday and while he found the party his parents were throwing him to be a little cheesy and childish. He did understand though at a certain level this party wasn't just for him even though it should of been. Being the oldest meant his needs were put on the back burner for Julie or Jack's or Katie's needs, and toss in Katie was STILL wetting the bed at 8 years old (and wearing pull ups for longer car trips) and well, he'd basically had to become a mini adult. it was Katie and Jack who drew his attention now, watching them run around the living room with Jack having apparently stolen Katie's stuffie again. 'You know, for someone who so desperately wants to be man of the house..he needs to stop being such a bully.' Alex thought and went to move over to stop him. "Don't worry Birthday boy, I got this." Julie said, holding up a hand and marching over. his oldest sister and still younger then him, Alex smirked as he watched Julie snag jack by the ear and march him over to say sorry to Katie. having a big sister like Katie would of been sooo cool growing up, he watched Julie interact with Katie and Jack lots and while her and Jack didn't always get along, she tried. "alright everyone, to the table. time for the birthday boy to blow out the candle!" Came Mr.Parker's voice. His parents just knew of him as a nice guy who had recently moved into the neighborhood to help look after his aunt but of course Alex and the others knew the truth. Mousey gentle Peter Parker was really spider-man. And he wasn't even the only superhero at the party! of course with the kids being the hero team known as power pack one would expect a few heroes to show up but mom and dad were actually STILL clueless about the powers. That said Jack being best friends with Franklin Richards, AKA the son of Reed and Sue Richards meant that not only Franklin but Johnny and Sue had a excuse to come over. (the thing while loving birthday party's had excused himself apparently upset when he was told he couldn't go in the bounce house this time, while reed who Alex had hoped would show up had gotten busy with a experiment.) Mix in the other kids who'd been invited and a whole lotta people were singing happy birthday to Alex as his barbie princess cake (He'd made the mistake of asking Katie to pick out a cake for him) was carried over and he closed his eyes and thought of a wish. 'I wish I could be the baby of the family for once. see what it's like to be like Katie.' he thought, then blew.

The party went on for awhile longer but soon guests were excused and some of the family had to get ready for bed. and by some of the family that meant Katie on her back in the living room, both hands on a sippy cup of warm milk and watching the last of a cartoon movie as Julie got her tapped up in her thick bed time diapers. Of course they didn't WANT to put the 8 year old back in diaper diapers, but without how much Katie flooded the bed there was no choice. heck, the car trip Pull up's were starting not to be enough. the sippy cup was because once it got close to her bed lately Katie seemed to zone out and as funny as seeing her dump a drink on her face was, the clean up was awful and she had started asking for warm milk before bed and no one wanted her to burn herself. "hey Alex, I know your the birthday boy and all, but my show is coming on and if I don't claim the tv now Jack will put it on something stupid and say he was there first just to tick me off...you mind?" Julie asked, scooping up the almost asleep now padded Katie and offering her to him. "heh, I got this." Alex said and took Katie who oddly..seemed heavier then normal. 'must be from all the sweets she packed away.' Alex thought and struggling to not show he was having a little bit of trouble, carried her up the stairs.

with Katie bear in bed, Alex yawned big time and headed for the bathroom. it was only going on 8 pm but he felt just wiped as he paused to look in the mirror. 'no bags under my eyes and I look ok..maybe it's just sugar crash.' Alex thought and shrugged. Normally one to put off his shower till right before bed, Alex started the water running and heating up as he stripped and answered natures call, then got in and started to wash himself. on a silly whim he made use of one of the pink extra soft cloths they used on Katie because of her baby soft skin and also used some of the fruity smelling princess shampoo she had, giggling and picturing a old bugs bunny cartoon as he lathered up his hair.

Downstairs Julie and Jack exchange puzzled faces as the water started up for a shower. Mom and dad were a few doors down meeting aunt May and Alex never went for a early shower unless forced too. heck, you could set a clock to his shower time! "..Maybe Katie sprung a leak already and he's cleaning her?" Jack suggest and shrugged a little. "no way! those new diapers are MASSIVE! even a little pee princess like her couldn't make them leak THIS fast." Julie said shaking her head. "welp, that's all I got. Maybe he just wanted to cover up the sound of his taking a massive dump. you KNOW how much he blushes when we tease him." Jack laughed. "Pffft yeah..mister gruntzilla. I think the whole block knows when he's going he grunts and whimpers so loud. " Julie snickered. "Remember when Katie knocked down the bathroom door convinced he was being attacked because he kept going..oh god..what was it.." "Oh! 'please god please god Oh oH oHHH!'" Julie said, mimicking Alex's whimpers of despair. "Bwhahahaha yeah! That was when he took too much diarrhea medicine because he had to give a speech to the whole school and kept getting the runs." "then couldn't unload for five days. yeah. Mom and Dad were gonna take him to the ER if he hadn't of gone when he did." the middle siblings laughed and shared more embarrassing stories about their respective roomies as the TV show was forgotten.

Alex was swaying back and forth on his feet, having fallen asleep standing up in the shower and only woken up when the cold water hit him. He was shivering a little from that but mostly moved as if drunk he was just sooo tired out of the blue and hauled himself out of the shower and turned it off and grabbed a large white towel and started to dry himself but was doing a worse job of it then Katie had when she was 5. shrugging it off he just wrapped it around him like a damp clock and made his way into his way into his and Jack's room, and headed for his dresser. deciding to go with a KISS solution since he was so tired, Alex just tugged on a pair of old white briefs (he'd been avoiding them lately despite liking their cut better then boxers because Jack kept calling them toddler pants) Tossing the wet towel in the hamper Alex stumbled over to his bed and plopped down, face first and was out like a light before he could even cover up.

around 9 was Jack's bed time and their parents where back, having asked where Alex was and Julie and Jack told them as far as they knew, he'd gone to bed. Making his way upstairs Jack had 'somehow' managed to put off taking his shower and gosh, would just have to get it in tomorrow. It wasn't that Jack didn't care for showers or liked being stinky, just there was ALWAYS something better to do then take a shower. Coming into the room he shared with his dweeb of a big brother, Jack noted that the light was still on which meant Alex had to of been super tired since he was super OCD about turning off lights if they weren't being used. Looking over Jack snorted at the site of Alex on his back, legs and left arm sprawled out in his bed while he was sucking on his right thumb, in just his toddler pants. 'what a doofus.' Jack thought and shook his head. Doofus or not, he was still his brother and Jack didn't want the dork to get a cold. with that in mind he tugged Alex's Blanket up over him, then as a after thought grabbed one of his own old stuffies (that he was keeping around because they'd be worth money some day. not that he still totally needed ot loved them!) and held out Mr. Fuzzy wuzzy , having it brush on the blonds arm. Alex reached out with his free arm in his sleep, coming out from under the blanket and whined around his thumb. "whoa..too much cake and pop and Alex goes baby brained! awesome!" Jack thought with a grin but then let the big toddler have the stuffie and huggle it. 'I'm going soft in old age.' Jack thought to himself then after changing into just his boxers got the lights and climbed into bed.

In a universe where a god of Myth fought alongside with a world war 2 hero, a man who had built his own battle armor and well, any number of different heroes and villains and forces exist, it was amazing that random wishes weren't picked up by more cosmic being's who might just answer them. and for the most part, it's a good thing that most of these are ignored because Alex was about to learn what happened when a simple wish can get granted, at least to a degree.

Alex hung his head in shame as he showed his parents what had happened the next morning. Having always told Julie, Jack and many many times Katie that they should be honest with their parents if they have accidents, it had been Alex's turn to practice what he preached when he'd woken up this morning in a very soggy bed. Thankfully it didn't smell THAT bad and mom and dad were going to open the windows and air out the mattress in the back yard, but Alex was still SUPER ashamed. He'd of course gone and gotten washed up but came back to find the others in his and Jack's room, and two out of three of them were being less then nice with no mom or dad in site to call them off. "Sheesh, and I thought I dodged having to deal with anything worse then you with a milkshake in you!" Jack said, holding his nose and waving a hand. "Oh puh-lkease. you think this is bad? try waking up in a diaper pail everyday because of pee princess here." Julie said, and jerked a thumb at Katie. "H-hey! don't be meanies!" Katie huffed and then turned to a mortified Alex, patting his leg. "It's OK Alex, accidents happen. but worse case you can come into my room. as Julie said..it uh..kinda smells.." "Kinda?" Julie asked and then shuddered. "and that's all i need, twin pee fountains going off in stereo." "I-it's not that bad!" Alex whined. "and really? Little miss farts rainbows is gonna start giving lip about sleeping arrangements!?!" Katie added as Julie's cheeks flared red now. "we talked about that,m you're not su-" "and YOUR not 'pose to complain about me either. fair's fair." Katie said and nodded her head. Alex gave Katie a weak smile. "heh, thanks for coming to my defense..kinda, Katie bear." Alex said and gave er a hug. He was sure this would prove to be a just one time thing, and as such, tried to put it out of his mind as much as he could when a look out the window showed his mattress being set up in the back yard.

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years

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Was reading your response to the Okumura Ryuji/Morgana fight, and the way the person worded Ryuji's character made me wanna ask... Do you think a bad fanbase is a fair reason to dislike a character? I've heard people say things like "no look at the character too", but... For example, I'm very neutral on Ryuji. When he's good, hes SO GOOD, EXCELLENT BOY, but Ann is my favorite girl. Guess who he pervs on exclusively and is rude to all the time? I've never seen his fans talk about (1/2 sorry)

His rude behavior, or his pervy tendencies, or his more selfish desires regarding the PT. That's fine!! Not everyone wants to constantly talk about bad things their fave has done!!! But people referring to him as a "woman respecting king" so insistently rubs me the wrong way, since he treats Ann Like That. That, and (more personal) i remember making a post/ask thing once about my grievances with Ryuji, esp his perv stuff, and the fans that interacted very aggressively denied his behavior (2/3)

And it even turned into a big discourse on the blog I submitted it to (it was that one confession blog). All the people that responded and just tried moving the arguments to "well Yusuke did this-" or even tried to push blame on Ann "she was asking for it" just kinda cemented my already growing dislike for Ryuji. Super sorry this is so long!!! Final question: is a bad fanbase a fair reason for disliking a character? (3/3)

Don’t say sorry about multiple sent asks, I don’t mind kfdsjla;fja As for the answer, I want to say yes and no, but really it’s just “yes with a side note attached.” Yeah, it’s ok to not like a char because of their fans, but I think it’s as long as you know why you dislike the char beyond the fans (well tbh, imo it’s usually the crazy fans so I think stans is a better word, but even then there’s diff stans). And tbh, I....can’t....think of a character I don’t like that the fandom/fanbase does....but I know nothing about the char all the while (closest and most recent example this....is....I know people dislike that grey haired moe blob on twitter even tho I don’t think they watched the show, and while I’m not a fan of the moeblobness I don’t know anything about the char so I’m personally not upset). I can only name chars I don’t like because of what happens in the text, fandom be damned (but sometimes they don’t help). Which is why it’s a yes with a side note. If you don’t like the char despite not knowing them.....probably get to know the char first even if your impression is clouded by the fandom....at least you gave the char a chance.

Under cut cause length (first few sentences in the first paragraph under the cut/tldr at the end gives you the answer a bit more in depth, the rest is rants related to that and why I get frustrated in a similar sense too, but yeah sorry if I repeat myself, I kinda jumped all over + my tendency to try to nail a point home I feel like might’ve had me repeat a bit more than usual akslfjdakfjaf):

I say this because.....it’s hard....it’s hard to keep them separated, unless you completely isolate yourself from the fandom (which is basically impossible if you wanna keep up with news, even the comment section is part of the fandom tbh...and you might be looking down their for diff reasons). And then.....well...the big reason....sometimes seeing the fans really highlights the reasons you dislike the char. That’s what happened to me and Makoto, specifically cause of....a certain fan (and buddy if you happen to see this, nothing against you, no bad blood, def won’t mention your name I respect you and the debates we had)....AND TO THE TUMBLR READERS WHO GET NERVOUS: It wasn’t on this website in case anyone is freaking out so if you’re thinking “Oh god it’s me” it is most likely not you (tho I think we do know each other on here cause of usernames/saw each other in passing but we def aren’t mutuals last time I checked), and while I do respect that person.......my god did they highlight the reasons I had issues with P5 and Makoto. Ironically in trying to defend her and show off her good sides, I realized the writing issues more and more and her bad sides became more glaring. It turned my frustrating dislike and attempt to try to work out my issues with her and P5 (ironically “working out” in hindsight would’ve been me....denying and refusing to look at P5′s flaws) into....well......the salt factory you know today. (same thing happens with like......Yukari and Junpei fans too tbh...that’s more recent tho, it feels like they are just downplaying their negatives constantly and I’m not about that). Basically, you probably have issues already, they are just more pronounced now.

As for “look at the character”....you kinda already are doing that, and that’s probably where your existing issues originated from (tho if someone wants a more in depth reason as to why, while you DON’T OWE them an explanation, it is also hard for someone to understand your feelings and reasons if you don’t try to explain).

As for Ryu, yea, I getcha, I like the guy, I’m neutral positive on him....was my best bro but he’s 2nd best thanks to post-Kamo writing. I like him because of his positives, but I always keep his negs in mind because. Cause like while I agree with the fans IT MAKES NO SENSE! P5′S WRITING IS BAD! it happened, same as I agree that Anne kicking Ryu’s ass, along with the other girls, is shitty. Hate the scene, and I accept that it happen (low key gonna start some kinda 2nd wave war with this bs cause the fandom be like that, but I’m really surprised no one took Anne smacking Ryu behind the neck cause he was being too loud as super offensive and abuse.......it’s def something a friend might do, not like belting him just a tap, and it’s framed as chill and also as warning him to reign in the volume control, but high key surprised no one has tried to cancel her cause of that). BUT that DOESN’T mean it erases all the creepy stuff he’s done. Is he the goodest boi when he’s being good? The best. Is he always a good boi? No, he def is not. And hearing that he is can be frustrating to people that do see his flaws (cause they are there). And like....you are 100% able to like a character despite and because of their flaws, while also accepting they have those flaws. I do it with Yosuke, Ryuji (for the most part), Teddie, Shinji, Ken, Kanji (when he’s not around Naoto, then he’s in a trash can for me), P1/2 casts, Aigis, Mitsuru, as long as the flaws are within reason and are treated pretty well....then I’m ok with it. (again, Kanji/Ryu have moments when I’m like....NOPE! but when they aren’t doing the bad thing I’m cool with them). As long as the flaws are withing reason (aka they aren’t making a jerk person out to be the person in the right, or the writing is trying to sweep what they did under the rug, or trying to force us into empathizing with them despite what they did while also trying ot sacrifice empathy towards another char.....*cough*Makoto/Yukari/Junpei*cough* if the writing isn’t doing that...... I’m probs neutral to pos on them).

Like I’m fine if they are criticizing the writing and being like “Him doing this makes no sense cause it conflicts with the good boi we’ve already seen!” That’s a-ok! Not only do you recognize your char has flaws, you also are able to identify issues with the writing. But saying “so I’ll choose to ignore that scene” isn’t....ok. Because sadly it did happen, as contradictory it did happen. AU it all you want, but you have to accept it happened outside of that AU. Like, I don’t like the Mika conflict in Anne’s CoOp, by which I don’t like how it went down (100% fine with Mika, and there being conflict with her). How it the whole thing started doesn’t make sense if you put MainStory!Anne in her CoOp. MS!Anne can read the room and other people’s emotions (only other person capable of that is Haru, or at least with Mona), hell she was so good at it she noticed something was up with Shiho without Shiho telling her about it! The issue was the fact Anne’s not a mind reader and could only assume the issue Shiho was going through that Anne was aware of (and that was her spot on the team). Now MS!Anne is not like Yosuke, she doesn’t put her foot in her mouth. She’s not like Naoto who can’t read the room. She’s not super eloquent, but can empathize and when she can interact with people she can do it pretty well. So why the hell does she basically not think before talking and insult Mika? Sure Anne’s not GREAT at school, but she’s not a moron, she can talk to people. But her CoOp makes her a moron all around, 100% airhead, and that’s how her issues with Mika start, by not thinking before talking and accidentally insulting her via blatantly “not caring” about the job to a full time person......it’s stupid, it makes no sense, I hate it. But it’s there, the flaw might not be present in the main story, but for the all around character (cause CoOps are included) it is now and I just have to deal with it. We can bitch about it all day (and trust me I will) but it happened. Basically never frame it as “it didn’t happen,” but instead “It SHOULDN’T HAVE happened.” One is denial, the other is critiquing the text.

Anyway my rant aside, yeah I hate it when...well Ren/Ryu/Yusuke (no one’s said Mona yet, cause....well yeah...which is good they haven’t labeled him as it yet tho), are labeled as “drinking respect women juice” and I’m like “I have one to a few women who would disagree.” I know some people will argue Goro is drinking it, and imo he’s not....he’s just eating the “I don’t discriminate sandwich” which is different. And yeah the “But Yusuke-” yeah yeah we’ll get to him, but right now we’re talking about RYUJI. I’m not a fan of derailing a topic *war flashbacks* *shivers* anyway. But yeah I remember that debate, I was probably one who was like “We’ll get to Yusuke but right now we’re talking about Ryuji” and pushing the blame onto Anne is disgusting and Kamo Arc!Ryuji would be very upset. >:( (btw high key I think I was the first one who started the first anti-makoto war wave with me saying “yeah Anne shouldn’t have apologized Makoto started it and blah blah she was an ass” not the exact words but basically just calling her out on her shitty behavior cause the game certainly didn’t......tho as Miley Cyrus would say.....”I didn’t mean to start a waaaaaar~!” I actually wrote my first Persona Problems on that topic.......but it got lost in the drafts....my photo examples kept getting messed up which is bad considering the whole post really relied on them....I should try to dig it up tbh....)

Tldr/short answer: Yeah, you probably already have issues with the char to begin with tbh, and the fanbase can highlight those issues more. It’s also hard to escape the fanbase (I see stuff I don’t wanna see despite trying my hardest to avoid certain circles, it just happens).

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raeseddon · 4 years

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Why Being The Parent of a Disabled Child isn’t an Identity: A Discussion

( Trigger warning for mention of abusive relationships )

A note to all the parents of disabled or neurodivergent kids, from an Adult disabled child.

For the sake of you, your child, and your relationship with that child: Having a disabled child is not an identity.

[[readmore]]

I know it can feel like it, because it's all media and society focuses on when they see you out and about with your child. Pretty much all protrayals of parents in media who find out they have a disabled child cease to be people-- they are henceforth Parents of a Child With [Insert Disability/Neurodivergence Here.] And it's deceptive because at first, finding supoprt communities of other parents with the same problems feels like Mana From Heaven. But please, watch how other parents in your support communities change as their children grow, especially when the disability/neurodivergence is managed to a point where the child can join "normal" society. If you see a parent panicking, or freaking out in a way that seems over the top, (especially when reports of how the kid is doing are positive) be careful. You might be watching the beginning spiral of a parent who no longer knows how to be anything but a caregiver. And that parent needs help.

Also, if you start to feel the urge to panic, or worry, or start inventing senarios were you are back to being a carer after your Adult disabled child leaves the proverbial roost, find someone, preferably a professional, to speak to. Because the alternative is that you become someone who infantilzes your Adult disabled child in order to hold on to a piece of your identity that--in a perfect world-- would never have rooted itself in you the way it has.

I should say something about my own experiences just so you don't think I'm talking out of my ass-- at six or eight months old my parents noticed I was only reaching for things with one arm. They took me to a neurologist who diagnosed me right-hemipsheratic cerebral palsy. As soon as I was old enough, I was in physical therapy. At five years old, I had my first ever seizure, at which point I was diagnosed with epilepsy, which has a high co-morbidity rate with CP. I came from a pretty traditional middle class (back when there really was a middle class) family where my father worked full time and my mom worked seasonally as a tax-preparer. My mom was the one who took up the bulk of the responsibility as carer, making sure I got to OT/PT, speech therapy, the works. I had no idea how much of her personal identity she put into her role as carer until the marriage disolved and her various issues lead to me spending more and more time with dad, intitially as a survival strategy (emotionally/mentally speaking) and then because I enjoyed his company, even if it meant getting to know him as a person at an age where most kids rely on dads for driving lessons and other... dad stuff. It wasn't always easy, but again, it was a survival strategy first and foremost.

It became apparent very quickly that not only did mom think I was "picking sides" but that she was furious with me because I didn't understand all of her (very real and unfortunatelt necessary) personal sacrifices so that I had the physical quality of life that I did. I was too young and hormonal at the time to realize that she A) should have never have had to make those sacrifices, and B) the blow they dealt to her personal identity would leave lasting and horrific scars on both of us.

Because when society looks at a parent of a child with disabilities, and a disabled child, they don't see two distinct people: they see a Walking Disability, and a Selfless Marytr, who willingly gave up every part of themselves to give that Walking Disability a "chance" at a "normal life."

I've known and talked to a ton of disabled adults and their parents over the years, and there are a few things that run like a universal thread throughout:

Just because a truly loving parent would choose a million times to give their entire life and identity up to care for the child, doesn't mean they want to, or should have to. If I could go back in time and provide my mother with a way to take some of the burden off of herself so that she could continue to grow along with me as a person, I would. Whether it would mean making it so that dad didn't have to work as much so that they could actually split the emotional and physical load, or some other way, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We, as a society need to stop looking at parents who are forced to subvert everything about themselves: their interests, their hobbies, their education, and their growth as a person, so that their disabled children have a fair shot, as aspirational. Parents are people, and they deserve the social support to continue being people, despite also having disabled children.

The inability of parents and carers to divorce themselves from their roles as carers damages the child's self esteem and overall ability to imagine a future of even limited independence. Speaking from both personal experience and having a disabled and neurodivergent friend group who have all admited to similar experiences. I was able to move away from living with my mom at nineteen, almost right after I graduated high school, to living with dad who was much more willing to encourage any form of independence he could. The encouragement wasn't always realistic in some ways, but when it worked, it worked, and I clung to that independence literally as long as a physically could.

If a marriage was rocky or straight up unhealthy before the birth of the disabled child 'staying together for the kid(s)' always makes things worse. There are the one in a few billion times when having the child actually forced the parents to work their shit out, but most of the time, it's a recipie for decades of misery and emotional (and physical) trauma for everyone involved. This is especially true if a degree of independence is acheived by the child that means they can live away from home. Once the child is gone, everything about the marriage/relationship that didn't work comes rushing back--and unfortunately, by then, the parents are so used to being miserable together, that being miserable apart is even more terrifying. As someone who came to realize as an adult that long before my parents divorced, the cracks were there and there were "near misses" it makes me wish they'd divorced when I was much younger. Of course, the reality is that parents who have disabled children are more likely to stay in unhappy at least or absusive at worst relationships because without shared income, caring for the disabled child would be impossible. It's a no-win situation.

Finally, circling back to my first point: Even when abuse isn't present and the marriage is healthy, the most well meaning parent may find themselves infantilizing their Adult child because once that child is gone, they will have lost a major pillar of their identity. There are times this comes close to feeling like a universal experience, it's so common. "Cutting the apron strings" can be scary even when both parents know its for the best, but the problems usually start with making harmless comments about how they'll "always be there" for the child, and if left unchecked the comments could become passive aggressive, and finally downright attempts to guilt the Adult child into staying.

This is why it's so, so important to observe your own behavior, as well as the behavior of other parents in support communities, and keep an eye on the ones who try to inject anxiety into the experiences and milestones that edge your Adult child towards the best degree of independence they can acheive. A lot of the time it'll lead with "Well aren't you worried that [insert bad experience here] will happen?" Which is why it's vital to be able to tell when an anxiety is your own or when it's someone elses. A good way to do this is to just have regular, open communication with your kid. Express your worries, talk them out, and allow your kid to make assurances, even if it's in the form of "I have a friend group/support network that I can go to before I will need to go back to you with a problem." Make it clear in the support communities that these communications are happening with your kid, and if people still try to drag you into worrying that whatever reassurances that have been given "won't be enough"... flag that person as someone who is probably having a problem with the idea of their kid acheiving independence. Every parent starts at a different place when it comes to the idea of a disabled or neurodivergent kid acheiving some form of independence, but there are ways to avoid almost all of the major issues that end up poisoning the relationships between parents and their adult disabled kids.

#disability #disability issues #tw:abuse

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stevieang · 6 years

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Love Among the Little Chairs Chapter 1/?

Summary: A/U: Lia Accorsi is a preschool teacher of children with special needs, who loves what she does and loves who she is - a plus+plus size woman. Her best friend and secret crush, the kindergarten teacher next door, is James Buchanan Barnes. Little does she know, he’s crushing just as hard (maybe harder) on her and admires her as a teacher, cares for her as a person, and thinks everything about her is beautiful. Will they figure out how to find each other?

Word Count: 2090

Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes/OFC

Warnings: For this first time around, swooning, swearing, light fluff.

A/N: My first Tumblr post! I hope you like it, and you’re kind whether you do or don’t. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

“Just another morning with little chairs and the little people that occupy them.” Lia whispered as she walked through the toy castles, box forts, doll houses, and river rafts created by her students. Each creator had asked her, no, begged her, to leave their structures set up on the rug so they could play with them the next day.

She was hesitant, but when her teaching assistant and the Occupational Therapist who worked with her also started begging, she caved. She knew that for her students, these were more than just playthings, they were testaments to new steps on their developmental ladder.

Lia’s first love had always been to fight for the underdog. To stand up for kids and people that weren’t considered “enough” to make the cut - smart enough, able enough, thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough. She had always been one of them, and she chose to make her career being one of their strongest allies and loudest cheerleaders. Fuck everyone else who didn’t believe in them - she did.

After graduating with a double master’s in special education and communication disorders, Lia set out in the world. She grew up in a middle-class blue collar family where hard work was required and self-sufficiency was essential for success. She was thankful that her life wasn’t a “Her family treated her terribly because she was different, and therefore she had less-than-no self-esteem” story. Her family treated her with love and respect, and helped her grow into a cautiously confident woman who knew what she wanted.

Sure, the world was full of assholes with their bullying side comments, rude stares and guffaws, and really hurtful jokes. Lia knew that her world was better if it was smaller - she started slow when meeting new people, and once they were firmly in her confidence, showed them the full-on sarcastic beauty of her personality, and by then she had a friend and ally for life. She was always going to have to watch out for the public humiliation fat girls got, but after she figured out a good mix of healthy lifestyle habits she felt “right” in her body. She vowed to try her best to ban negative self-talk and was successful, most of the time.

Lia knew today was going to be busy. All the kids had therapy which she helped to run which left her no time to write the 2 ed plans that were due before the end of the day. All her students had moderate-to-severe special needs, ranging from physical disabilities that required walkers or wheelchairs, sensory impairments that made her an expert in finding and fixing glasses and hearing aids, and cognitive and learning challenges that made the world harder to understand and navigate.

She loved every single one of them as if they were her own. She’d been blessed to be able to interview and hire an amazing team of support professionals that made her and her students’ lives better (and much more interesting) every day. There was a reason her classroom was used as a model within the district, and this team was it.

She snapped pictures of the rug-bound creations to send home and hang in the classroom later. “You are always taking pictures, lady.” Lia looked up and smiled at Madeleine, her lead OT. Her grad student Madison (who also happened to be her daughter) walked in immediately after, bringing coffee and goodies that made Lia’s mouth water.

As they all took a moment to sit and sip, they were joined in quick succession by the team physical therapist (PT), nurse, and 2 teaching assistants. The adults *almost* outnumbered the kids, but each person was essential to her classroom’s success. One look at the clock had them quickly preparing for the day and heading out to meet the students.

The day was just about as busy as she predicted, with quite a few laughs (more than tears, so that’s always good). She had no time for her paperwork, so she ran to the corner sub shop to grab dinner and coffee before settling in for a long night in her classroom.

“Hello Ms. Lia”

She startled and giggled as Luke, the night custodian, came in for his rounds.

“I’ve been telling you for 5 years that after the kids leave, please call me Lia.”

“...and I’ve been telling you for 5 years that ain’t gonna happen. You’re a teacher. My ma would slap me if she heard me call a teacher by their first name.”

She sighed, impressed with his civility but a bit frustrated with her lack of progress with his stubbornness.

“How were the kids today? They sure were happy when they showed me their mudpies.”

Lia grinned. “Sorry about the mess. We tried to clean up as much as possible, but a few of the boys got away from us.”

“Don’t you ever apologize for those kids. I’ve told you before, my son’s like them, and he is our gift from God. Wouldn’t change a single thing about him.”

“Well, Mr. Luke, you are our gift. Thank you for all you do for us - day in and day out.” He quietly completed his work and bid Lia goodnight on his way next door as she returned her eyes to her computer screen. She didn’t even turn her head when the door opened soon after.

“I knew you’d be back - you forgot to tell me you’d lock up after me.”

“Sorry, what?”

Lia shrieked as the unexpected voice broke through her single-minded focus. She turned, ready to defend herself with the prized ceramic mug her class made her for Christmas.

“Whoa! It’s me, don’t shoot!” The teacher from next door had his hands up, barely covering the big smile on his face.

“Jesus, James! You couldn’t give a girl a warning! Something? I don’t know - a knock maybe?”

His chuckle made her forget her irritation. “Sorry, I just wanted to know if you wanted anything - I was going out to grab dinner.” She and James often worked late. Not only did they have neighboring classrooms, his class was the next step for many of her students. They had first worked together on some administrative special education committee that had eventually netted some grant money for new technology and consultant time, and had gotten along very well since.

“No thanks, I knew this was gonna be a late one so I ran out right after the kids left. How come you’re here? Well, other than there aren’t nearly enough hours in a day.”

“Yeah, something like that. Three ed plans to write, and we’re doing an experiment tomorrow that I want to make sure is completely set up before I leave. Maddie and Madison helped me with it and the kids are super excited.” Lia smiled at him. He was a wonderful teacher and better, she trusted him with the kids he inherited from her.

“That sounds awesome. I’d love to hear about it, but if I don’t finish this stuff, I’ll never get home. I’d like to catch my Thursday show live for once, instead of watching it on demand two weeks later.” She snorted to herself, knowing how unlikely that was. “Thanks so much for thinking of me, James. That was very kind.”

They laughed together at the words they used with the kids all day long to foster empathy. “You’re welcome. Let me know when you’re leaving. I’ll walk you home or grab a cab with you.”

Lia had already shifted her attention back to her work, giving him a half-hearted “sure, thanks” as she tried to regain her momentum and cross at least one thing off her list. James gently closed the classroom door, and almost bumped into Luke as he made his way out.

“She take you up on dinner this time?” The older man’s eyes were smiling as he went about his routine.

“No, not tonight. She’s busy.”

“That woman is always busy. Busy isn’t a reason for you to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“Well, it’s the answer I got tonight, Luke. I’m gonna run and get dinner, do you want anything?” As he caught Luke shaking his head, he walked down the steps into the comfortably cool night air, unable to shake a feeling that he couldn’t quite name. After he got settled back into work, the text alert sounded. Lia and he often texted room-to-room because they knew their plans would be completely derailed if they talked face-to-face.

Lia A: Thanks for the offer of dinner, that was nice. Maybe another time?

JBB: Of course. The school year is far from over, I’m sure we’ll have other opportunities.

Lia A: You ain’t kidding. Alright, I’m out for the night. My brain has officially shut down and no more work can be completed that won’t have to be redone later. Have a good night.

JBB: WAIT

James ran out of his classroom and let out an exasperated sigh as he saw Lia’s darkened room. She’d done this before - texted him as she walked out the door, not letting him walk her home, and he wondered why. They respected each other, helped each other, even leaned on each other during the inevitably sucky times, but it seemed like every time he even hinted at something outside the work arena, she kindly but firmly declined. He grabbed his phone.

JBB: Why did you do that? I told you I would’ve walked with you.

Lia A: I know, but I peeked in and you looked like you were in a groove. I didn’t want to interrupt that. Plus it’s not far and I always carry my pepper spray and whistle. I’ll be fine.

JBB: Did anyone ever tell you you’re stubborn?

Lia A: Mr. B, I am offended.

Lia A: Sigh. Yes. In fact, it’s usually you.

JBB: Can you just let me know you arrived home safely, then?

Lia A: You got it. Thanks.

James quickly packed up his messenger bag, took one last look at the room, and snapped a picture to send to Maddie and Madison, telling them how psyched he was to see what tomorrow brought. He bid Luke goodnight, and headed home, cheered by the text alert that told him Lia was safely home.

As Lia puttered in her little apartment, she thought, as usual, about her students. Oh, who the hell was she kidding, she was also thinking about James. He was so kind, so sweet, so helpful, so…smolderingly sexy. She had been successfully immunizing herself against James’ more alluring attributes for as long as she’d known him.

She knew he was a truly good person - heck, it was rare enough to find male special educators at the elementary level, but to find one as good as he was at his job? It was like catnip - she found it incredibly hard to resist. It didn’t matter - he wasn’t offering anything that she had to resist. A while back, he told her about a girlfriend back home, or something like that, which had slammed shut the gateway to any hope of him reciprocating her feelings.

Knowing this, she still needed to recite her mantra: “He’s just a friend. You’re friends and co-workers. He has a girlfriend.” The mantra didn’t help a lot, particularly when he texted her at unexpected times - sometimes they were goofy, sometimes serious, but always sweet. It was nice to know someone was looking out for you when you lived alone.

JBB: Did you catch your show in time?

Lia A: Sigh. No. looks like I’m 0 for 5 this season. S’alright. More to binge watch this weekend.

Lia A: Thanks for checking in - good luck on the lesson tomorrow. Can’t wait to hear how great it goes!

JBB: Welcome and thank you. I’ll send you some pictures. Night.

Lia finished doing all the stuff that would let her sleep as late as possible the next morning and climbed into bed. She laughed as she tagged her team in an Instagram post and sighed when she saw how soon the alarm would be going off.

James finished packing all the stuff he needed to hit the gym before work and smiled as he saw Lia’s Instagram post. She had all her materials packed up and her clothes and lunch ready to go. The caption turned the smile into something more, “The irresistible life of a preschool teacher. You know you want it.”

“You have no idea,” as he plugged in his phone and let those thoughts lull him to sleep.

Chapter 2

@star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @suz-123

#plus size #teacher crush #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x ofc #ofc #bekind #tumblrnewb

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shadowsong26x · 6 years

Text

TLJ Reaction Post!

Putting everything behind a cut just in case, to avoid spoilers. Also, any TLJ-related posts I either write or reblog will be tagged as listed here.

Feel free to reply/reblog/ask/whatever if you want to discuss!

So, that was an experience.

First, quick reaction--while I was watching it, it was overall engaging/good. I had some issues even in the moment, but most of what I’m going to write up here was of the fridge logic variety?

Things I liked:

- Leia getting a STRAIGHT-UP ACTUAL JEDI MOMENT. Yes, I am talking about her flying through space like Mary Poppins and yes it was ridiculous but again it was a Jedi Moment sooooooooo there it is.

- All of the combat scenes/lightsaber duels in particular were really well put together. The throne room duel (which I’ll talk about that whole scene in some detail later), Finn vs. Phasma, Astral Projection Luke vs Kylo Ren (side note: I had seen a poster or clip or something before this, and I was Very Annoyed that Luke’s lightsaber was blue pretty much for the same reason I get irrationally irritated when Padme is tagged/drawn in the Gothic Peacock dress and the fact that elbows don’t grow back oh my god--minor continuity details that make a difference but don’t really matter in the long run; but the fact that Luke chose to project himself with the Heirloom Lightsaber(tm) that blew up ten minutes ago made that make sense and was delightful in hindsight) the space combat--the red dust on Crait, though, so cool the way it did visual things.

- Pretty much everything to do with Finn and Rose’s plotline (except I was sad that there was no Lando cameo at Canto Bight)

- Most of the stuff with Amilyn I liked a lot too. Especially her flipping badass Last Stand. (I also liked the fact that the bulk of high command was women, and they made a point of showing off all the lady piliots)

- Luke and Leia’s reunion moment made me bawl in a very good way. (Side note: I’m pretty sure she knew all along he was Astral Projection Luke. In part because how else could he have gotten there, in part because, as my friend who I went to see it with pointed out, he projected himself exactly as he would have been the last time she saw him. Also the much shorter and darker hair which I feel is very impractical to manage in an X-wing cockpit)

- That little kid on Canto Bight. Oh, that little kid on Canto Bight, who reminded me so much of TPM!Anakin I can’t even. (There’s a whole potential Thing here, that my friend pointed out to me, re: Light/Dark/Balance a la Daughter/Son/Father from Mortis where we might be going for Kylo as Dark, Rey as Balance, Tiny as Light? I’m not sure if I actually want the story to go there or not but it’s at least interesting as a vague concept!)

- I love Poe. Just...Poe was delightful in this film, as he figures out exactly how Being In Command works, his relationship with Leia, his back-and-forth with Amilyn...

- I liked that the bridge/whatever between Rey and Kylo was clearly set up to parallel Luke and Leia, rather than anything romantic--to the point where Luke and Leia had a Twin Moment that then immediately cut to one of the shared dreams and that can’t have been an accident.

- There was a lot of really great dialogue in this film. Just in general. “Do you think you got him.” “I don’t think they like me very much.”/”I can’t imagine why.” “What are you looking at me for? Follow him!” Leia and Amilyn’s goodbye (which, side note--I read the Leia novel, and I definitely thought she and Amilyn had more chemistry than she and Kier did, also there’s a...something percolating in the back of my brain about Kier and Lando and the similar choices they made when their people were in danger and they felt their backs were against the wall, and what that might mean in terms of added context for Leia’s choices/actions in ESB, but that is a topic for a different post)

- While this was not the Force Ghost(s) I was looking for, I enjoyed Yoda’s appearance a whole heck of a lot.

- Rey and Poe finally actually met! And it was a very nice meeting!

- The fact that, once again, the last intelligible dialogue in the film went to Leia (because Tiny was speaking in another language)

Things I am neutral about but I feel bear mentioning:

- The reveal(?) about Rey’s parentage--I’m not sure whether or not Kylo Ren was lying, but I’m honestly okay with it either way. I mean, I’ve been on team Rey Kenobi, so to speak, from the beginning [partly because I think it makes a more interesting narrative than Rey Skywalker; partly because Obi-Wan’s line of descent, if he has one (and, whether it comes from Korkie and Satine or not, I think it could be credibly written that he does)...it makes much more sense that it would be lost the way Rey’s backstory establishes than either of Luke or Leia’s children being lost. And the potential alternatives (i.e., Shmi having had a child before Anakin and they were sold separately or something, or Anakin’s DNA being used to sire another child because Reasons, would require a lot more setup than we’ve got); also I kind of like the idea of Finn Skywalker though that ship has probably sailed]. Where was I...anyway, while I prefer that story, I don’t actually dislike any of the potential theories (except the reincarnation one). And Rey Nobody (I think is what it was called?) has its own appeal, definitely. So...I guess my reaction to that is a nonreaction? Especially since I can’t make up my mind whether or not it’s true...

- I wasn’t super invested in any shipping in this trilogy, but honestly as far as I’m concerned we now have a third possible endgame pairing for Finn and I like all three. (I’d rather not discuss this particular point in overmuch detail, because as I said I’m not super invested in any ST ships and I know a lot of people are and I’d rather not get argued at on the subject).

- I have no idea how I feel about the Heirloom Lightsaber(tm) being destroyed? But the crystal seemed to be intact sooooooo we’ll see.

- Snoke’s ridiculous golden bathrobe???????

Things I liked less:

- I’m not thrilled with how Luke was written. Like...I can make it make sense. I can draw the roadmap in my brain of how we got from the Luke I know and love to the Luke we saw in this movie (including in the flashback) but it takes a lot of backhacking, so to speak. Honestly, if I ever get this far in a canon-aligned fic timeline, I would definitely go in a different direction (frex, if Masks ever comes back off hiatus and I get to Martyrs, which is the third part of that AU and is set in this timeframe, it would no longer be an In Spite Of A Nail AU from here).

(This sort of ties into...look, if I was going to assign a cardinal narrative sin to each of the trilogies (looking only at how the story is structured here), the PT has pacing issues, the OT was made up as it went along and it shows in several points; but the ST? The ST relies way too much on It’s All There In The Manual. I’ve read some of the Manual, but not all of it, because I mostly hang out in the PT corner of the fandom, but it was an issue in TFA and it was an issue again in TLJ. Amilyn and Leia, I think, suffered from this the most, but Luke’s headspace probably did, too.)

- I’m not super thrilled with the fact that we got introduced to a lot of interesting new characters, and almost all of them just...died. And I kept looking for familiar faces from TFA in the background of the Resistance and...yeah, they weren’t there.

- This is...this is maybe not going to come off as super articulate when I try to explain myself, but it actually bothers me a lot. And that’s that...there’s...there’s no...

Look. To me, above all things, Star Wars is about Redemption. It is about finding the spark of light in the darkness, and fanning it into a flame. And I say this even as someone who primarily hangs out in the PT part of fandom, which is in some ways structured as the opposite (i.e., find the speck of darkness in the light and feed it until it consumes all). Because it’s still there at the end. We still have that spark--in the twins, and in their guardians--and we are nurturing it until it is ready to burst into a proper flame and it also set up Anakin’s motivations in a way that led to/added to the credibility/impact of the eventual redemption arc. (Like I said, I’m not sure I can articulate this well, but it’s a Thing, okay?) And, yes, I get that the ST is coming at this find-the-light-in-the-dark theme from a different angle which is fine, I guess, I just...I just...

There is no antagonist (who has been at all developed) who is redeemable at this point.

Like--I didn’t really care about Kylo Ren as Kylo Ren. I cared about his (potential and now thwarted) redemption arc because see above about how that’s what Star Wars is to me. And where we left off at the end of TFA, he could still credibly be redeemed. And now, even without all the explicit ROTJ parallels (up to and including straight-up quoted dialogue), that door is closed. A redemption arc for him from here would not be credible.

And no one else in the First Order is developed enough for it, except maybe Hux, who also has credibility issues (to draw a comparison, that would be like trying to write a redemption arc for Tarkin, aka essentially impossible without an AU breakpoint when he was like twelve or younger at which point it’s not a redemption arc it’s a completely different story.) Phasma (assuming she isn’t actually dead, which I think she’s not but ehhh she might be) isn’t developed enough. No one else in the First Order who’s still alive has an on-screen not-All-There-In-The-Manual name, so it wouldn’t have the necessary emotional/narrative payoff.

And that’s...that’s...I don’t like it. I really don’t like it. I mean...it actually weirdly bothers me less than I thought it would, when I was trying to talk about this a year or so ago? I have no idea why, because like I thought that would be something that would make me completely break away at least from the ST era/corner of the fandom. And yet it’s not. But it’s still...Star Wars has always sold itself as straight up Good Vs Evil, but has had that...coming home. Or something? Like I said, not sure I’m too articulate about it. But I don’t like that this happened the way it did.

And also, just...like, think about what it would have been if they had just gone ahead and played the ROTJ aspects straight. If Ben Solo had come home, the way Anakin Skywalker did--without dying. We would get the story we never got with Vaderkin, of clawing his way back and atoning and making amends. We barely even got it with Ventress (side note: there’s a Thing in the back of my head that I’m not sure I can get out in any articulate way about the parallels between Anakin and Ventress because man.) (Also I think there might be a plot like this in Rebels, but I haven’t seen it yet so IDK for sure.)

Sigh. I don’t know. I think we’re going to get an interesting story about the way things did go, which may be part of why I’m less upset than I thought I would be. But I am upset.

(Side note: I do think that Snoke’s death was really well-put-together/well-played. I genuinely didn’t see it coming until the Heirloom Lightsaber started turning. Like...I pretty much figured that it wasn’t going to go how either Rey or Kylo saw it, because (even before Snoke said he made the bridge between them) I pretty much figured they’d both seen what they wanted to see/their ideal ending for the confrontation, so I knew it would be some kind of third option, but I did not expect the one we got and the way it was presented/approached was extremely effective; I just have serious, serious issues with where it went from there).

- I wish there had been more Leia. And Maz. And Phasma.

- I wish it had done more to expand on/develop the relationships/answer the questions/etc. established by TFA. In some ways, it feels more like “this is a series of events that happened in the wake of that,” rather than a continuation? This was mostly a problem with Poe’s storyline--Rey’s did okay at that, though if the backstory reveal was true it was a little disappointingly presented and if it’s not it didn’t resolve enough; and Finn’s did reasonably well. (Also, there were supposed to be Knights of Ren???? Were these the students that Kylo Ren left with after burning Luke’s Temple? What happened to them? Were those the people he and Rey killed in the throne room?????)

- On a much pettier note--what the fuck even was up with the timeline???? HOW SHORT ARE THE DAYS ON AHCH-TO? WHAT ABOUT FREAKING TRAVEL TIME--FTL TRAVEL IN THIS UNIVERSE IS NOT INSTANTANEOUS AND THAT IS EXPLICITLY REFERENCED IN THIS VERY FILM. Congratulations, Star Wars, you now have a film with a timeline that makes even less sense than ESB. [ROTS doesn’t, either, although that one’s more a question of ‘exactly how long is it between the Invisible Hand and Utapau because I don’t buy the ‘less than two weeks’ from the novel, but beyond that it could be anywhere from like a month to like three or four...but that makes sense, it’s just unclear.)

And, because I like to end on a positive note--there’s a lot I do genuinely enjoy/like/even love about this movie. Is it my favorite? Probably not; I don’t know exactly where I’d rank it, but probably in the Bottom Tier (I have sort of three tiers in terms of ‘Which Of These Puppies Licking My Face Am I Most Likely To Take Home If I Can Only Have One’ and they fluctuate a fair amount other than ESB, AOTC, and ROTS are consistently in the top tier). But there’s enough about it that I liked that I’m going to see it again, and while the things I disliked were for the most part serious issues, they weren’t enough to make me want to avoid the film itself. I’m hoping the next movie answers some more things, I’m hoping Phasma and Baby Canto Bight Jedi come back, I’m looking forward to Force Ghost Luke (and maybe the others fingers crossed).

#spoilers #sw spoilers #star wars spoilers #tlj spoilers

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#20) Convert More Clients By Understanding These Two Things

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The Episode: Convert More Clients By Understanding These Two Things

Have you ever been on a sales call and the client bursts out in tears? Today, Carolina, Ren, and Jonathan dive deep into why emotions play such a big role in any business and why you should understand what your client wants to change about themselves before you start working with them. They also talk about the difference between features and benefits and how they convey value for your business.

Make sure to send your fan art of Jonathan as a purple monkey loading the dishwasher and a methed out gator! Here is the email address to send it: [email protected]

Key Points and Time Stamps

Ren’s experience as Harry the Hound! [0:01]

Jonathan’s Chipotle disaster [3:21]

Online Trainer Coaching is coming soon! [18:08]

In person, you have restrictions; online, you don’t have to [25:06]

How an outline gives your clients a sense of certainty [33:42]

“Emotion sells – logic justifies.” – Jonathan Goodman

Emotion Vs. Logic

A feature is logical, a benefit is emotional. In order to grab someone’s attention, you have to use emotional appeal and if you do it correctly, clients don’t actually care about your product or service.

Involving More Services Could Decrease Value

People want to do as little as possible as quickly as they can in order to better themselves. If you require more from them, they may second guess signing up. Keep it simple and easy.

Sales is Curiosity

Get to know your clients so that you can work closer with them and make it easier for them. Being curious and asking questions will help get past the fluff and eventually bring out the true answers.

Sponsors

This episode is brought to you by PT Distinction, the cutting-edge software designed purely for online coaches, to help them save time, expand their reach, and get back to doing what they do best—helping clients get amazing results.

As an added bonus for our listeners, get a full 60-DAY FREE TRIAL to test-drive PT Distinction. Start today at OnlineTrainer.com/ptd

This episode is brought to you by the Online Trainer Academy Certification and Mentorship, the leading business development course for personal trainers, nutrition coaches, and gym owners to responsibly and successfully start, build, and grow your online fitness or nutrition coaching business.

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#17) The Best Apps and Software to Manage Your Online Training Business

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The Episode: The Best Apps and Software to Manage Your Online Training Business

After a discussion about Hamilton and the biggest birthday bash of the century, Jonathan, Carolina, and Ren talk about their favorite apps and software to use in their online training business. There’s no need to overthink when finding what tool to use. All of these are good enough for what you need, so make sure to keep in mind what you want to deliver and pick accordingly.

Key Points and Time Stamps

Carolina’s big birthday bash and the Jedi mayor taking out the guesswork [07:57]

Trainerize and ProCoach – user-friendly and habit-building [13:09]

Canva and Facebook – edit photos and build your brand with ease! [19:26]

Get your notebooks ready for Jonathan’s recommendations [24:04]

Bruce Wayne’s apps have to match his Tesla! [37:28]

“One easy way to stick out answering questions in Facebook groups – shoot a video answering the question – you’ll stick out like gold in a bucket full of lead. Answering questions is your branding.” – Ren Jones

Trainerize (Price varies) –

It’s very easy to set up and user-friendly. You can add videos from YouTube or your videos if you have your own recordings. The visual component is key for clients!

ProCoach ($99/month+) –

This is more of a longer approach (a year-long program) as this gives daily lessons. Each day sets behavioral components to build habits that your clients need to keep up with.

Canva (Free version available) –

It’s the poor man’s Photoshop. Make photos magical without the expertise of a graphic designer! You can generate testimonials from your clients using their templates.

Facebook (Free) –

Don’t underestimate the business opportunities here! Ren got a job because people saw his content. You can build your brand by answering questions on fitness groups.

Tripit ($50/year) –

Forward all your reservations through this app! Hotels, flights, Airbnb, including necessary addresses and numbers, are all organized for you.

Evernote (Free version available) –

Besides being a note-taking app, you can use it to pull articles off from the internet to save them for later.

LastPass (free version available) –

Never go through the nightmare of remembering your complicated passwords. Additionally, you can let other people use them without them seeing it!

Hubdoc ($20/month) –

Automatically integrate all your credit cards, statements into a central filing system and take photos of receipts for your bookkeeper!

Skitch (Free option available) –

A simple app on your phone that allows you to crop and annotate pictures quickly!

TunnelBear ($9.99/month) –

This app is crucial for protecting your information when you use public networks. It’s a VPN (Virtual Private Network) that cloaks your IP address, so you don’t get hacked.

SelfControl (Free) –

A productivity tool keeps you away from procrastination. You can set a timer to block you from apps and websites, then restart your system to get access again after working!

Backblaze ($6/month) –

Save your data on this cloud software to give you peace of mind from data loss. Don’t let your precious photos and irreplaceable work files get lost forever!

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#13) Know When You Need a Course, a Coach, or a Mentor

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The Episode: Know When You Need a Course, a Coach, or a Mentor

As you start to get used to the grind, you start wanting to improve the way you do business. But it can get really overwhelming with the number of options available. You hear of people talking to their mentors, hiring a business coach, or taking courses. Which one fits your needs? After a discussion about children’s teeth, Mexican food, and geese, Jonathan, Carolina, and Ren clear your doubts on where you should invest your money, and more importantly, your time.

#JediTrainerShow

Key Points and Time Stamps

Keeping your children’s teeth and Churro Men [5:35]

Where you spend your money versus where you spend your time [12:46]

Mentors, business coaches, versus courses [13:40]

Why business coaches aren’t the best option [19:01]

Why do people sign up for programs? [32:55]

“Hiring a business coach as your first development source is an incredibly expensive, inefficient way to get to where you’re going.” – Jonathan Goodman

Start with a Course

When you’re making your first step, choose the option that’s scalable – courses. For example, the Online Trainer Program helps you find a model that works for you! Meanwhile, business coaches use one-trick wonders that rarely apply to other situations.

The Common Caveats with Paying for Courses and Coaches

If you want to find someone to help you, look for signs of seriousness in the work that they do. Don’t trust someone who doesn’t have any skin in the game!

When Do You Need Business Coaches?

The only time when you need business coaches is when you know what you’re missing. You don’t go asking them where the success is hidden. If you’re already on the journey to get somewhere, business coaches can help you get to your destination faster.

Sponsors

As an added bonus for our listeners, get a full 60-DAY FREE TRIAL to test-drive PT Distinction. Start today at OnlineTrainer.com/ptd

Start today for just $87/month at OnlineTrainer.com/Academy

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#13) Know When You Need a Course, a Coach, or a Mentor

Click here to listen to this episode on iTunes

Click here to listen to this episode on Spotify

Click here to listen to this episode on Stitcher

The Episode: Know When You Need a Course, a Coach, or a Mentor

#JediTrainerShow

Key Points and Time Stamps

Keeping your children’s teeth and Churro Men [5:35]

Where you spend your money versus where you spend your time [12:46]

Mentors, business coaches, versus courses [13:40]

Why business coaches aren’t the best option [19:01]

Why do people sign up for programs? [32:55]

“Hiring a business coach as your first development source is an incredibly expensive, inefficient way to get to where you’re going.” – Jonathan Goodman

Start with a Course

The Common Caveats with Paying for Courses and Coaches

If you want to find someone to help you, look for signs of seriousness in the work that they do. Don’t trust someone who doesn’t have any skin in the game!

When Do You Need Business Coaches?

Sponsors

As an added bonus for our listeners, get a full 60-DAY FREE TRIAL to test-drive PT Distinction. Start today at OnlineTrainer.com/ptd

Start today for just $87/month at OnlineTrainer.com/Academy

Please Subscribe and Review

Enjoy this podcast? We’re so glad.

Please subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you get the next episode delivered automatically as soon as it’s posted.

Please leave a review to help others find the podcast as well.

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#9) How to Produce Content to Get Clients (And Not Take Forever)

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The Episode: How to Produce Content to Get Clients (And Not Take Forever)

In this special “two’s company, three’s a crowd” episode, Jonathan and Ren talk about how to produce content that works for you. Most people fail with content because they try to do way too much with way too little thought in way too many places. To succeed, you have to take the time to figure out a strategy, and then work at communicating effectively with a specific audience on a specific platform. The steps they describe will help you succeed no matter which audience you target and which platform you choose.

Key Points and Time Stamps

A balanced diet of positive and negative reviews [00:51]

Who is your audience? You can’t please everybody! [16:44]

Steps to produce good content on any platform [24:08]

Why you don’t ask 100,000 strangers to marry you [30:48]

Being energized with the things you do [42:28]

“You’re not going to be good at producing content until you put in a lot of reps.”

– Jonathan Goodman

Get good by doing more

If you look at famous YouTubers’ earlier videos, you see they’re way worse than what they create now. That’s the way it works with content. You need to put in your reps, with the goal of developing your skills and your sense of what works and what doesn’t.

Vital steps to produce content anywhere

To understand the platform, you need to see who else is performing well on the platform, and ask how they’re making money on it. From there you can build your audience as you improve your content.

Don’t hurry to get a million followers

Early adopters give you much more leeway to make it up as you go. They’re more accepting, like people who get into an indie band before they go mainstream. People will find you naturally when you continue to produce better value than others who’re targeting the same audience.

Sponsors

As an added bonus for our listeners, get a full 60-DAY FREE TRIAL to test-drive PT Distinction. Start today at OnlineTrainer.com/ptd

Start today for just $87/month at OnlineTrainer.com/Academy

Please Subscribe and Review

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#6) The Secrets to Focusing on the Right Things in Your Business

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The Episode: The Secrets to Focusing on the Right Things in Your Business

A lot of people that start a business don’t realize that many of the things that matter, truly don’t. Are you too busy comparing yourselves to other “successful” people? Or maybe you’re thinking about business names, trademarks, Instagram posts, and the hottest exercises? Jonathan, Carolina, and Ren share their thoughts on what you should worry about for your business. This is the BEST set of content we’ve ever created (apparently), so you don’t want to miss this!

Key Points and Time Stamps

The best content of PTDC ever! [06:23]

Do you understand what your clients really want? [21:23]

Building client trust through hard work [25:35]

Your peers are not your target market. Focus on the people you serve. [37:36]

The most passive-aggressive move done by any government [42:00]

“The most effective technique ever… is actually to just repeat back to them exactly what they said, and then close your mouth.” – Jonathan Goodman

Understand What Your Clients Really Want

Some of your clients might want to brag about how much they can deadlift rather than how they look. You can’t sell a program until you figure out what value your clients want to get out of your services.

Building Client Trust through Hard Work

Create a reputation that precedes you. Don’t focus on hot new exercises. Just trust the process and do the hard work.

Focus on the Macro

The small things (micro) are short term, immediate gratification-type activities. Don’t get sucked in on showing how successful you are. Concentrate on the macro where you don’t get much feedback but wake up one day with everything in place.

Sponsors

As an added bonus for our listeners, get a full 60-DAY FREE TRIAL to test-drive PT Distinction. Start today at OnlineTrainer.com/ptd

Start today for just $87/month at OnlineTrainer.com/Academy

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gabriellakirtonblog · 4 years

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(OTS#5) Packages and Pricing

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The Episode: Packages and Pricing

Pricing can make or break your business. But with that said, you also have to choose to start somewhere. Jonathan, Carolina, and Ren talk about packages and pricing. Where do you start and how do you know when you should bump it up? Should you even increase the price in the first place? How should you fit your pricing to what you want your life to be? All these and more (including the banana holder’s return) on The Online Trainer Show!

Key Points and Time Stamps

Carolina dates the mayor and Jonathan gets an ice pack for his bed” [05:02]

The most important decision in your business [13:15]

When do you decide to increase your pricing? [20:33]

How to make the pricing work for the things you want in life [26:03]

Recalibrating your business and how much you pay your co-hosts [39:52]

“You’ve got to figure out what the objective truth is. What do the numbers show you? If you don’t like it… you can work on systematically changing it.” – Jonathan Goodman

Should You Compare Yourself With Others?

While it makes sense to do it, be careful! Most online trainers don’t know what they’re doing, so make sure to only look for successful people in different situations.

Set Your Own Pricing in a Way That Works for You

Once you find your niche, you will find that the people you connect with will be more than happy to pay your set price. You can snowball from there!

Work Backwards From Your Goal

Is what you’re doing matching what you need? Consistently reassess and recalibrate what you’re doing to make sure that you’re meeting your standards.

Sponsors

As an added bonus for our listeners, get a full 60-DAY FREE TRIAL to test-drive PT Distinction. Start today at OnlineTrainer.com/ptd

Start today for just $87/month at OnlineTrainer.com/Academy

Please Subscribe and Review

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