#you cannot deny reality

[salad-006]

Some of you may recall my blog on Toms eyes from a while back. Well I return to tumblr with more gospel

THE TRUTH BEHIND TOM'S HAIR.

I will provide the evidence below

We are shown multiple times that his hair isn't Just Hair. For starters in Matt Sucks, Steve bleeds when staked.

Additionally throughout the series, it's shown he's Unable to flatten his hair out because it's so stiff. In WtFuture we see he can't even fit a hood over it. In Space Face he gets it lodged in the ceiling, and is ends up briefly stuck.

The most damning evidence of all is in PowerEdd, where we are shown an X-Ray shot of him that reveals bones hidden within. This is a trait that is shown off more later on, appearing in both Zombeh picnic and a comic.

But what about bald tom ?

This is the only evidence that weakens this theory. While there's little to go by, my theory is that he can compress these appendages down into his skull in order to protect them from harm. Either that or they can simply fall off like a geckos tail would.

He’s a fucking freak and this is a cartoon ok they can do whatever

CONCLUSION:

He hates when they call him dickhead

Also heres the original doodles i made that inspired me to do this in the first place

#eddsworld #eddsworld tom #ew tom #eddsworld theory #the truth #you cannot deny reality #the evidence is layed out before us

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

It is a much-cherished experience of mine in TV-watching to suddenly be absolutely clobbered over the head by otp feels where I had felt none before, all throughout the course of one enchanted episode. The episodes listed above are some of my most cherished experiences of that kind. But which is your fave??

#polls #it pained me to remember himym's existence but i cannot deny what 'zip zip zip' was to me #i was tempted to put 1.04 for ted and rebecca for obvious reasons but 1.02 is truly where i start to feel that feral feeling #where suddenly a whole new reality of 'these two people need to be together this makes so much SENSE!' opens up to you!!!!!! #i also think 'a spy in the house of love' is the more sensible d/d pick but 1.06 is where i became a freak for them

[trashlie]

ILY FP 220

CW for abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. Sorry for the minor spoiler, but we’re digging into the way Yui has manipulated and abused Kousuke since he was young and that might be triggering to some readers. 

Whoo BOY! Idk about you guys but I loved this episode (I keep saying this every week lmao). Again, there’s so much confirmation of things I’ve been saying/believing, and I find it really funny that this arrived on the cusp of a related discussion I’ve been having lol. This time, I’m also going to link to some interesting posts/threads from the 220 discussion post on the reddit, because they are presented really well, and while I’ll talk about them in this post, I want to highlight the comments that have furthered my thoughts and commentary! The reddit discussion posts are really what helps me put my thoughts together!

I am a big fan of this comment and the subsequent replies between them and cheeselounge; good explanation of exactly how Yui’s manipulation/gas lighting/abuse works and why it maintains a compelling hold on Kousuke, as well as some good food for thought about black and white vs shades of grey, the ableism that runs rampant when people on a whole talk about Kousuke, and how harmful it is to view characters as 100% innocent or guilty. Also really fantastic points on the parallels of how Shinae, Nol, and Kousuke are shown waking in the hospital. Just an all around top tier comment!

This is my own comment lol but what is important is not the comment itself but the discussion in the replies. I’m not a medical person so everyone’s input on what it means for Yui to shut down Hansuke’s tests is invaluable to me lol. Someone also brought up blood type - and while I don’t think that’s something Hansuke would be testing, it does bring up interesting thoughts re: Kousuke’s parentage. 

So let’s get into it! 

I know it’s tacky to be an “I told you so!” person but this episode, besides making me feel incredibly unsettled and angry, absolutely made me feel I TOLD YOU SO! Yui is SO skilled at manipulation it’s like second nature to her. Every now and then I still see people defending Yui as loving Kousuke so much that the way she treats him can’t possibly be manipulation, and that you can’t prove it’s manipulation - and like. THAT’S THE THING LOL Textbook abuse is often met with people who don’t believe it because they’ve never seen it, because you’re being so dramatic, because it’s not big deal. That’s how abuse WORKS. The abuser is seen as someone who couldn’t possibly be abusing you, because they do so many nice things or they seem so lovely and they just don’t seem like an abuser~. That’s why it works!!!! Because they have created a reasonable cause of doubt. Because they make YOU look like the liar, like you’re dramatic, like you’re just making a big deal out of things that aren’t. 

Also, people can say they love you and still abuse you, still hurt you, still use you for their own gain. And Yui does just that. 

It’s been a source of great ire to me that so much of what Yui has done has been swept under an umbrella of “she just loves him so much of course she wants the best for him”. But it’s not about him, and we can see that now! Yui doesn’t respond to Kousuke with love or affection. She has NO CONCERN about what happened to him. In fact, even as Hansuke tries to argue in favor of running tests on Kousuke, Yui tries it on him. “He’s dramatic, you know that. I know him well, and I know he’s fine. You are making a big deal out of nothing. We don’t want to make him think something is wrong with him do we?” Hansuke is the only one showing concern for Kousuke. It’s not just about him hitting his head - it’s about the unresponsive state in which he found Kousuke. It’s that HE knows Kousuke and HE knows something happened, something set him off, and that he responded to it in a worrying way! 

Yui SHOULD be concerned about Kousuke. She should want to understand, she should worry that something is going on with him. Instead, she just tries to pretend it’s nothing, to sweep it under the rug, to hide it not just from everyone else but from HIMSELF. “We don’t want him to think something’s wrong with him, do we?” 

But it’s not just that, it’s the way she operates! For so long I’ve been trying to say that while Rand is very much responsible for his choices, I believe Yui absolutely has affected his relationship with Kousuke and encouraged/fostered the distance between them. If Kousuke ever got close to Rand, maybe he would have laid off, calmed down, felt that he’d reached his goal and now he didn’t have to run so hard. But as long as that goal is unmet, as long as Rand is distant from him, Kousuke would have to keep pushing until he reaches the top, just like she wants. 

It’s the way she took Rand’s real gift and threw it out and replaced it with some random cardigan that looks like it’s not up to Kousuke’s standards. “How sweet of him” so sweet that he doesn’t know what his son likes, right? So sweet that he just got you whatever and you’re supposed to like it. She’s further fostering that divide. Not only has Kousuke not reached Rand, but he looks like he doesn’t know anything about him, like he doesn’t even care. And that’s further supported by the reality of the night - Kousuke knows Rand is with Nol and while on some level he understands why (even he was concerned about Nol being hurt) eventually he might internalize it as “Father chose Nol over me.” 

How many times has Yui intervened? Swapped out gifts? Relayed the wrong information, just FORGOT to relay the right information. How convenient, that Rand was never around for Kousuke’s birthday because he had meetings elsewhere. How convenient, that Rand never knew when Kousuke’s recitals or EVEN GRADUATION were. I want to reiterate I think Rand deserves critique. He has made his choices, he could have reached out to Kousuke, could have inquired about when his events are. But also as we’ve extensively discussed, Yui absolutely has and continues to weaponize what Rand loves and cares about against him. She’s weaponized it against Kousuke in how she commodified the concept of love and Rand’s love. She’s done it to Nol. At some point, people give up. There’s only so much misery they can endure. It’s very likely that Rand made efforts, in the beginning. We’ve seen him talk to Kousuke before about how he doesn’t have to follow in his footsteps, that he’s allowed to be whatever he wants. We’ve seen him try to instill little life lessons in Kousuke, only for Yui to swoop in and contradict him. At some point a person is going to burn out, grow tired. It’s unfair to Kousuke, because as his father, Rand still has a duty to him. But he’s also a human and we can only take so much. 

Rand and Yui exist in a toxic relationship, and Rand has spent so much of that time in a state of misery. We’ve seen it in Nol, how at some point he thought maybe he should give up, maybe there’s no point in fighting, maybe he just needs to let it go. We’ve seen it in Shinhan, who was overwhelmed by stress and his job and schooling and didn’t have the time and energy to be a present father and at some point turned to alcohol for comfort even at the expense of their funds. 

People can only endure so much. That’s the tragedy of Rand and Kousuke - that Rand was eventually worn down to such an extent that he didn’t have it in him to keep trying, that he was sapped of everything, that it was used against him time and time again, and that in the end it hurts Kousuke. That there were two children involved and impacted by this and both have come to meet danger and harm. 

I have so many thoughts about Rand, and Rand and Yui, and I’ll have to save them for another post. I don’t want to absolve Rand of his crimes against his children, but I also think it’s important to consider the circumstances, because at the end of the day that’s why this is so tragic. It’s so real. Yui is not the first parent to ever pit her child against her spouse, she isn’t the first person to manipulate others in her life. It doesn’t absolve the other parent, but we have to acknowledge the circumstances, because I don’t believe this is the father Rand wanted to be. I think he wanted to have a relationship with his son, but that Yui made it a difficult task, and after some time, he gave up on it. 

Anyway that’s a whole sidebar lmao the point I REALLY wanted to make was: seeing Yui pull this, swap out the gift, replace it with something that is unsuited for Kousuke just further fosters that distance between Rand and Yui. And because Yui is the one who is here when Kousuke wakes up, it further perpetuates the belief that Kousuke is not good enough for Rand to care about him - especially given the circumstances in which Rand found Kousuke. 

Do we ever get to know what’s going on in Rand’s head? What did he think, when he found his sons out there in the snow? What did he think, when it looked like Kousuke was running away from Nol left bloodied and bleeding out in the snow? What did he think about this scene, after the phone call he had earlier that night with Kousuke and what he overhead. We still don’t know what Kousuke said the night he was drunk and left his father a voicemail, but we can deduce that it probably had to do with this - with his relationship with Nol and the hate and the jealousy and the fear and the desperate want to be loved, to be good enough? 

The blood is on his hands both metaphorically and physically. 

Something I want to stress is how grey I find this. Kousuke acted on Nol’s goading. If he hadn’t pushed Kousuke’s buttons, Kousuke would not have done it. Punching him as he was leaving the room was a fight or flight response - I don’t think it was his intention to knock him off the balcony - but I also think in that moment he didn’t feel guilt. Likewise, when Nol left the party, Kousuke chased after him, caught up in his fears and jealousy, the paranoia that stems from it. In so many ways, Kousuke does believe Nol is better than him. Nol’s ability to walk away and not fight back not just at the party, but even after he chased him, infuriated him, because he was goaded into chasing and attacking and yet Nol didn’t even choose to defend himself. Did he intentionally slam Nol like that knowing the glass shards would dig in and tear him up? Did he even register the glass?

What really strikes me is that when Kousuke realizes Nol is injured - badly - it doesn’t come across to me like he’s afraid of getting in trouble for it. He seems genuinely concerned that something has happened to Nol, that he’s bleeding. He wanted Nol to fight back, but I don’t think he wanted to HURT him like that? His reaction is so different from back at the party, where paranoia clouded logic and that flashback returned to him. I think yes, Kousuke wanted to hurt Nol, but I don’t think he wanted it to be like this?

Idk they’re complicated and it’s why I enjoy getting to see these kinds of scenes. 

But again, this is a tangent I didn’t mean to go on, but I think it’s important to state so that you guys understand how and why I interpret the scenes as I do. There is no one who is 100% guilty or innocent.

I definitely think we are meant to dig in to Yui’s actions and understand the manipulation and gaslighting that has gone on for the entirety of Kousuke’s life. That it isn’t solely about Nol, that even before him, she was doing this, that Kousuke as her son has always been a means to her self-serving goals and ambitions, that he was never a child to her but this extension of herself, this opportunity to go after what she wants, a way to cut Rand out of the picture so that everything falls back into the hands of her family. Though Kousuke she is able to orchestrate everything she wants and needs because he is solely at her mercy. 

Look at how deftly she discredits Hansuke while ensuring she is seen as the one who has the most concern for him. Look at how she makes it look as though Hansuke was trying something shady, to run tests on him without his consent, how can he overstep those boundaries - as if she doesn’t do that very thing at every opportunity. That’s how it works! You isolate your victim by making them believe everyone is out to harm them, that no one is trustworthy - no one except yourself, of course. It’s how she remains that safe shelter to him. Even though she does overstep his boundaries, even though she inserts herself into his business, she’s also the one who brings him “comfort”, the only one who he can trust. And it’s why he is unable to part ways with that manipulated reality he adheres to. It’s why, when other people speak the truth to him, he cannot believe it if it contradicts what he knows and believes, and that’s why no one is able to get through to him. 

Kousuke is a textbook victim of manipulation - he can never grow and progress as long as Yui exists. 

And something that someone pointed out (in the first link I included above!) is the visual progression of that. While we knew Kousuke would likely regress and everything he confronted and admitted would be out the window if Yui shows up, it’s further illustrated at the beginning of the episode and how it’s juxtaposed against the last scene we saw. 

From Nol and Shinae standing together, hands clutched and Nol resting on her shoulder with the sunrise and light, the clocks turn back and grow darker and darker, until Kousuke awakes. His moment of illumination is over, he’s back to the dark. Yui’s arrival represents that darkness, and how it undoes every moment of truth he had prior. 

As long as Yui remains in Kousuke’s proximity, he will always be in the dark, unable to reach the light. 

In that same comment, they talked about the parallels in how we were shown Nol, Shinae, and Kousuke all waking up in the hospital. 

Shinae woke to her father and his love and care. There was never a moment she had to doubt him. I still can’t get over that little snippet of Minhyuk in the hospital before she’d fully woken, how feral he sounded, how upset he was about what happened - that he knew he was one of the only people who actually cared about her and his anger at how she was hurt. There was never a moment that Shinae had to doubt these people. Even though her mom has left and took her sister, too, Shinae has never had to feel entirely alone. 

On the flip side, Nol didn’t wake up to relatives, to his parents. He woke up to panic and fear and his fight or flight senses kicked in - until he noticed Shinae asleep at the foot of his bead and realized he wasn’t alone. His friends showed up despite the way he had treated him to celebrate him, to make him feel special, to make him feel better in the ways that they can. Nol has spent a lot of time alone, but he’s not. He has people at his side. 

But Kousuke also wakes up alone - no peace, but instead a hard to make out argument outside his door. Isn’t that awful? At least Shinae and Nol wake up to a sense of comfort, but Kousuke wakes up to people arguing about him. When he fully wakes and sits up, there’s no one in the room. Just him. And then in sweeps Yui, paying off a nurse to trash Rand’s gift, ready to spin a new web to further ensnare Kousuke. 

As long as Yui remains that safe place, that comfort to Kousuke, he cannot be free. 

That’s the power of isolation, that’s the power of discrediting the people around him, of ensuring he believes only her words, convincing him that only she knows him well enough, that only she can help him, only she will tell him the truth. 

“They were all superfluous. Don’t worry, I told him to stop. It’s best to save resources on patients that actually need it, right?” 

We know Hansuke is in the right mind, wanting to run tests on Kousuke. He is rightfully concerned that something is going on with Kousuke and hopes tests could be indicative of something. He’s a doctor and thus believes in science and if there’s scientific evidence, maybe THAT could sway Kousuke, maybe THAT could convince him to listen. But not only does Yui put a stop to it, but she manages to discredit his intentions. She conveys to Kousuke exactly what she needs to - of course there’s nothing wrong with you you’re just fine don’t listen to what anyone else says because they don’t know you like I do. They’re all just being so dramatic. 

And the next time Hansuke dares bring up to Kousuke that maybe he needs to get checked out, Kousuke will double down against him, will continue to believe Hansuke has a vendetta against him, will add him to his growing list of paranoia. The one person who is actively fighting for Kousuke is a big threat to Yui, so she has to ensure that Kousuke won’t trust him.

But that begs the question then. Is she putting a stop to the tests in effort to discredit Hansuke, or is it more than that? I am not a medical person, so this is not my area of expertise and I can only go off of the input others have put out there. I do personally think that whatever Kousuke is dealing with is not so much a mental illness as much as a response to the various stressors in his life, and while I do think a psych evaluation could at least better pinpoint a way to help Kousuke, that’s not the kind of test that Hansuke could have run while he was out. 

But what could be gleaned from simple labwork and urine analysis? If what Kousuke is dealing with is his stress levels and his response to internalized fears and jealousy resulting in paranoia, if it’s his body’s reaction to dealing with a past trauma, if it’s his body shutting down when he can’t deal with something, that’s not something blood is going to show right? 

There’s a lot of theories.

The first assumes both the rules of the mukoyoshi theory and that Kousuke is not, in fact, Rand’s child. It would go like this: because Rand was adopted into the Hirahara family by his marriage to Yui, it means he is treated as much as a blood relative as Yui is, and because the family business passes through the males, it means Rand’s progeny are the next in line for heir. This theory can branch off a couple ways. 

The first is obviously if it’s found out that Kousuke isn’t Rand’s child - but from simple labwork, would that even be possible? Unless Hansuke is checking Kousuke’s blood type AND knows the blood types of Rand and Yui, how would he be able to uncover the truth? But still, Yui would want to cover that truth at all costs, so maybe stopping Hansuke before he gets further and digs in deeper? 

But there’s also the fact that if it was believed Kousuke was not fit to be CEO, that his mental state was worrying or they couldn’t trust him to carry out the necessary duties, he could be stripped of his role - and it would go to the next in line, and as a blood-relative of Rand, that would be Nol. Thus, it would be very important to cover up any indicator that Kousuke cannot handle his role as heir. While we know Kousuke’s stress responses are directly related to unassessed psychological triggers, it would be easy for someone on the outside to look at him and go “He can’t handle stress and he lashes out at people, he isn’t fit for this.” And I don’t think that stress response is new to Kousuke. Though we didn’t see it really take affect until Nol and Kousuke were working closely together and Kousuke’s fears and paranoia were reawakened, we can assume from what little we saw of Kousuke’s recollection of the night Nol was taken away that this was another time he reacted to psychological triggers and shut down. 

@poisonheart pointed this out and it really put a lot of things into new light. It would also lend credence to Nol being unstable - ensure that he never stands a chance, that no one will ever think he’s fit for the role. 

Anyway, that brings us back to: Yui cannot have anyone, and especially not Kousuke, thinking there’s anything wrong with him. It’s not that she believes he’s perfect and thinks anyone who wants to run tests is insulting. It’s that she knows Kousuke is not perfect and she cannot let anyone find out. It would be so easy for the company to swing to one of her sister’s husbands if it turned out Kousuke and Nol were unfit and she absolutely cannot have that. That’s HER fortune, that’s HER business and she will not let it fall into the hands of another man. 

I want to make it clear that when I say something is wrong with Kousuke, I mean that when his triggers stress him out too much, he goes on spirals. I don’t think it’s something like “Kousuke is bipolar” because we can see clearly WHAT affects him, WHAT sets him off, and why it sets him off. I think, in an ideal world where it as easily possible, Kousuke was able to make peace with his feelings about his father, he’d be able to make peace with his feelings about Nol, and he’d be able to eventually reduce the probability of getting swept into these spirals. If Kousuke had no reason to fear Nol, to feel jealous of him, the intense need to best him at every opportunity, if he didn’t see everything Nol does as being an attack against him, as him plotting against him, as him trying to overtake him, he wouldn’t get so worked up. 

I also think making peace with Rand and Nol means whatever it is Kousuke is protecting himself from, whatever it is that happened in his falsified memory, would have less power over him. It’s not that Kousuke would act like this regardless - it’s that he is actively responding to things that trigger these reactions. 

I think I lost track of where I’m going lmao the point is: Kousuke is a direct result of the manipulation he’s experienced, and every time he experiences a truth that goes against the world Yui has gaslighted him into believing in, he cannot process it and it breaks him down. It’s a normal reaction! He’s not reacting like this because there’s something “wrong” with him, he is responding to high levels of stress and his brain wants to maintain the truth he knows. Certainly he needs therapy, but we all do. They all do. 

And this episode illuminates WHY and HOW Kousuke remains trapped in this state, and why any attempt at showing him the truth goes awry. Kousuke doesn’t put his beliefs ahead of other peoples’ solely because he has superiorlistic feelings about himself - it’s because he has to, in order to continue what he knows. 

Yui offering him tea is also a chilling moment, because we know the way Nol reacts to tea. He knows - he understands. But on the flipside, Kousuke doesn’t have the same reaction to it. He may even associate tea with comfort. I think this difference is VERY important, because Nol is aware of the witch Yui is, he probably is aware of the ways she has hurt him. Kousuke, though, isn’t. He still seeks comfort from her, and the tea theory, that maybe it’s laced, that maybe it is something his body responds to in order to placate him, is an important one. I don’t think this theory goes as far as some people think - I don’t think he’s being constantly drugged by his personal chef, for instance, nor do I think he ate or drank anything that night that would have triggered how he acted this night because a. Yui was surprised when he showed up to the party at all and b. Again, everything about Kousuke’s reactions are perfectly in line with the things that tip him off. He didn’t get worked up because he was drugged, he got worked up because he was responding to the dissonance between what he believes and what he sees, the stress of what Nol did and how Kousuke fears it will reflect on him, and his desperation to never disappoint Rand. 

HOWEVER I AM very much on board with the idea that after very traumatizing moments, perhaps Yui has placated Kousuke with a special tea that would calm him down and interrupt the dissonance, something he would come to associate as calm and safety, and thus further push her goal of ensuring Kousuke only feels safe with her, that she is the only one he can trust and seek refuge in. Everything going wrong and then mommy shows up with nice special tea and suddenly he’s calm and all those questions have been tucked away, there’s a new memory in its place; that’s not how that played out now is it, dear, wasn’t it like this? 

Something else about Yui worth noting is that she is VERY unhappy. There’s something so jarring and uncomfortable about the way she reacts when Kousuke tells her he was looking for Nol and Rand, that Nol has been hurt. That eerie smile mask of hers and how it closes in on her, that she came not because Kousuke needed her but she needed something from him - she needed to know Nol’s whereabouts, she needed to know where her scheming husband has gone. And Kousuke has no information for her. She is ANGRY but it’s also an opportunity to further drive that wedge. Rand isn’t here - not only does that mean he’s not here to check on Kousuke but it also means someone lied, whether it was Rand or Jayce, and it doesn’t matter which it was because Kosuuke will internalize it in the worst possible way. Why didn’t they come here, why did they hide their location? As readers we know exactly why - Rand is protecting Nol from Yui. But in doing so, it looks like he’s hiding things from Kousuke and he will not be able to rationalize it any other way. 

Even his reaction to the fact that Rand isn’t here shows that - he’s starting to get worked up again, he’s agitated, he doesn’t know where they are and Nol was hurt and Yui is grabbing his injured hand and trying to placate him. There’s something about Kousuke’s “You don’t believe me...?” that REALLY hurts, because it’s all a part of her manipulation. He’s in a vulnerable state, he’s confused and instead of receiving clarity, Yui is muddying the waters. If Yui doesn’t believe him, does that mean he could be wrong? Does it mean that Jayce was wrong? 

Again, in the end, he can rely on and trust only Yui. 

I really love that we also got to see Meg and Jayce! What an unlikely duo! I have this hope that one day Meg and Kousuke can become unlikely friends - as much as anyone can be friends with Kousuke lol. I think we’ve seen that, like Hansuke, she is someone who at least likes Kousuke for something attributed to who he is, rather than chasing him for the fortune and power. I think that could have added fuel to the fire, but we’ve seen that Meg’s interest in Kousuke was rooted in him being one of the only people in her life to cheer her on, to make her feel seen and like she can do what she sets her mind to, unlike her parents who encouraged her to give up and go for something easy. I don’t want to downplay her harassment and stalking, because it was very much so out of line but I’m glad she seems to be coming around and I think from that, if Kousuke can ever learn to be comfortable around her, we could see a really interesting dynamic of friendship. I think Meg has a lot of potential to have a similar relationship as Kousuke and Shinae have had, where Shinae calls out Kousuke and tries not to let him push her around and make her feel small. Clearly there’s a lot of things Meg and Kousuke both need to work through and it’s not something that would immediately happen, but I think it might be a series of incidents that could build up to them being able to trust each other, maybe? 

Meg finding the gift that was thrown out fuels that hope, at least. I know right now she takes it as Kousuke choosing to throw it out, but I wonder if we won’t get to see a scene where Meg mentions the gift he threw out and makes Kousuke go “Excuse me? What? I would never throw out something from Father” and create that little seed of doubt. That’s the biggest issue with Kousuke being caught in Yui’s web - no one can get through to him. But if that seed of doubt is planted, if could lead to Kousuke questioning the things he needs to. Because if she’s thrown out this gift, what else has she thrown out. What else has she prevented? What else has she lied about? Maybe he can reach that conclusion that it wasn’t that he was never good enough for Rand, but that she continued to make that gap wider and wider and to destroy every bridge before either Kousuke or Rand ever had a chance to cross them. Even if it’s not the case and she hasn’t actually interfered as much as we think, it still creates that doubt, because it still means she lied and that she isn’t the only pillar of truth in his life, and there’s still a question of what else he’s lied about. 

I love that we get to see Meg hanging around that long, too. I mean, I’m glad she’s getting a wuber and will go home, but I just can’t help but feel like we will get to see a lot more of Meg and Kousuke - after all, just like her unlikely appearance with Yujing, they DO have a lot of mutuals, and Meg has become much more important to the story than anyone could have accounted for. Now that she holds the actual key to possibly unlocking some doubt in Kousuke’s mind, I think we will get to see more of her. Again, I know at the begnning her harassment was treated as a tasteless joke, but I love Meg because of how much we’ve already seen her change and grow, her decision to love herself and stand up for herself. I think in time we might get to see Kousuke develop a sense of respect for her, as he kind of has with Shinae. I like to hope that she might be able to eventually bring some comfort to Kousuke, in the way that maybe she can be someone who brings him truth and honesty. I don’t mean this as a shippy thing, but just in the sense that Kousuke is very much alone. Shinae has people who love and care about her. Nol has people who love and care about him. Kousuke doesn’t have that as much. Having someone who has your back is vital. That’s what makes it so hard for victims to leave - where do they go? who do they turn to? When for so long their abuser has been their only sense of comfort and shelter, when their abuser has made everyone view the victim as hysterical and dramatic, when they are left all on their own, isn’t that scary? 

This isn’t a “they can fix him” thing, but rather for Kousuke to grow he needs to escape his mom, and for him to do THAT he needs to understand who she is and what she’s done to him. Hansuke is doing his best, but maybe having someone else on his side would be beneficial. These are complex stories and it’s not enough to just have someone at your side, there’s a lot of psychological recovery for Kousuke to work through - but it’s not as daunting when you aren’t alone. 

Idk, I say it every week but I just. I have a LOT of feelings. I’ve really enjoyed the complexity of the pain train that is Kousuke (I took that from @poisonheart lmao) because it’s so well done. He is a man who has been manipulated his entire life, he’s felt neglected by his father, he’s been isolated, everyone who cares about him has been discredited, he’s been trapped in this web and haunted by his jealousies and fears and he’s lashed out every time he feared he was losing his place, every time he worried Nol would best him. Just like how tragic it is that Yui was able to drive that wedge between Rand and Kousuke, it’s tragic that Yui has been able to do this to Kousuke, that as a result of the seeds she’s sown, he’s grown up to be this kind of person, to do despicable things, to break someone so that they never had the chance to grow.

Nothing ever happens in a vacuum, nothing is ever black and white. Kousuke is both a victim and an abuser. Rand is both suffering from Yui’s games and a bad, absent parent. Nol was hurt over and over by Kousuke and still reached out, still tried to help, tried to bond. I think we absolutely have to acknowledge that Kousuke is dealing with something that is very difficult to escape, that is very psychologically damaging. That’s why we can’t look at him and go “I can’t believe a grown adult is acting like that.” There’s always more to the story, and it’s unfortunate that the pain inflicted on these characters has caused them to hurt someone else.

Rand’s misery led to him giving up and hurting his son, which lead to his son living with so much fear and jealousy that he hurt the only person who tried to reach out to him over and over again, which lead to that person hurting the people who loved him and wanted to help. It’s an endless cycle, and even though it begins with Yui, I’m sure she has her own hurt, too, that she’s turned on everyone else. 

#I love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #Kousuke Hirahara #Yui Hirahara #Rand #manipulation and abuse cw #abuse cw #please let me know if you want me to use any other tags for this btw! #i think it's important that people know this episode and thus this commentary deals heavily with the discussion of parental manipulation #i don't want to spring that on someone and awaken their own struggles :( #this is also why i'm very adamant that we talk about Yui this way and understand how she operates and that this is not a case of mommy just #wuvs her baby boy so much that she'll burn down the world for him and that it's never been that way #and denying the abuse and adhering to this instead just further demonstrates how deft her tactics are #it denies the reality of kousuke's story and why he is the way he is why he does what he's done #we cannot understand kousuke without understanding how Yui has hurt him and what a damaging hold it mains on him #anyway i love this episode so much because it validates so many of my theories lol #but i really do feel for Kousuke and again i think that is the best part of ily #there are no shades of grey #kousuke's circumstances have affected other people in a terrible way #but i can still empathize with his circumstances #i can still wish for him to get out of there so he can grow #i can still wish for him to find real comfort and happiness because he isn't inherently evil #there's room for him to grow and i look forward to that day #i want the best for most of these characters

[astralazuli]

So there's that D&D class quiz going around, & I took it & was so deeply offended I got Paladin.

& so I have had conversations with both Bestie & Birdfriend about this grave insult & they both were like, "Well... They have a point?" & informed me that my desire to absorb hits meant for others & deep drive to help whenever I actually can & strong convictions make me a bit Paladin-coded.

& I am just so... Idk. It's just interesting to get glimpses of yourself from other people's POVs. To be told that my defining characteristics are protecting & healing others & being incredibly fighty about the things I care about... Especially as someone whose brain specifically fixates on whether I care enough, do enough, give enough... Yeah. It's just kinda wild.

Anyway, I'm now adjusting my self-perception to include the fact that if I were a D&D character, I would be an Oath of the Ancients Paladin & not a wizard & that actually that's okay.

#I don't Believe many things #because I prefer to stay open to new perspectives #& think that a balanced approach to life involves embracing a certain level of ambiguity in reality #but the things I do Believe in? #Oh I Believe them with all my heart. #I don't know how my belief system will change in the future #But I do know that above all else I believe in Kindness #Kindness to yourself Kindness to everyone around you Kindness to nature #The point of society is to ensure Everyone is treated well & can enjoy existence as much as possible #The point is Joy. The method is Kindness. #& if you aren't fighting for Everyone to be taken care of & respected & treated with Kindness #then I am not interested in your revolution. #If you hate the people against you more than you love the people you're fighting for? #You're missing the goddamn point. #(Please note I'm speaking of Kindness as a separate concept from Niceness.) #(Sometimes you cannot be Kind without being Not Nice to someone who is doing unkindnesses.) #(But I feel like a lot of people mistake that concept for an excuse to deny those they disagree with Kindness.) #(& my dudes you don't actually have principles if they only apply to people you like & agree with.) #There is no freedom until everyone is free includes the people you don't like. #While I am not free right now due to my various axes of oppression & the oppression others face #I'm also not gonna be free if we straight up murder & imprison the current oppressors #Trading one oppressive system for another isn't actually all that radical??? #Just 'cause you think 'the right people' are being oppressed doesn't make oppressing them okay? #Like I'm a leftist because I believe Literally Everyone should be allowed to live whatever fulfilling life they want #so long they as aren't doing a damage to someone else in order to do so. #Not because I think I think the wrong people are oppressed. #Hm now that I've written this fucking essay on ethics in my tags #I am seeing Bestie & Birdfriend's points... #Birdfriend legit said that I'm the '**smacks others while screaming** BE! KIND! TO! EACH! OTHER!' type of Paladin. #I guess they were right.

[235uranium]

sometimes I think about how robin hood is canonically a true persona of akechi's and that means that some part of the detective prince act was true. does akechi even know that himself??? or does he believe he can only ever be the black mask???? does he even realize some part of him truly wanted to bring justice and not just hate fueled revenge???

#☢️.txt #it drives me INSANE. #rewatched 2/2 last night and. i think its very interesting that when joker agrees to end maruki's false reality #despite his heartbreak over learning that akechi is probably dead that akechi drops the clipped tone he was using in 3rd sem #actually he has a clipped tone in general? even acting as the detective prince he always has a sort of strain #its REALLY good va on robbie's part to keep certain parts of his speaking patterns consistent while also doing a 180 #i still cant get over how he somehow kept akechis insane 'i read philosophy books for fun' speaking pattern #while incorporating his deadpan humor and love of violence in 3rd sem. and making it all /fit/ #but anyways that supports my opinion that SOME parts of the detective prince act were extremely real to his personality #sure his preferred thief outfit is the most cringe sentai villain cosplay you could ever imagine #but he does apparently just wear sweaters and leather gloves and nice scarves. by choice. #other supporting evidence is that he does genuinely enjoy jazz and has detailed thoughts on the music theory behind it #but i do think he'd deny it if someone directly pointed it out. hes so used to compartmentalizing everything #i did NOT mean to put a full meta in the tags i cannot stop

[thesmallworldofsamizayn]

i have something very personal and ugly and probably incoherent that i need to get off my chest about israel. to preface im not a zionist, i am jewish and disgusted by israel on a daily basis, and this is me mostly speaking from that. i am sorry and if anyone who follows me doesn't want to read this from me/hates it i ask that you just scroll on by and forget it. and if you do read it and respond im happy to talk but just please take it in good faith. in reponse to this post

#it's not black and white. maybe in purely theoretical moral dilemma terms it seems that way. but not in reality. #what do you do with an israel that should not exist on principle but does? it does and the people in it have been there for generations now #and it's jewish. this DOES complicate things and i wish people would stop pretending it doesn't. #it makes everything literally everything so. fucking. complicated. #cause you end up with this implicit ultimatum: side with hamas or be a zionist. what other options are there under this world view #if you only think israel should stop mass murdering palestinians but speak in favour of 2 state solution or talk about 'right to exist' #are you saying you're fine with everything else; the occupation was justified just not outright genocide? #it always has to go back to the ideological origin of zionism which means a call to abolish the state of israel entirely. #and in parallel if you talk of atrocities on 7 october or terrorists this takes away from the palestinian struggle right #because hamas are the armed resistance to israel and to call for their condemnation to withdraw support from the unrwa #is to renounce solidarity with the palestinian cause in any way that matters. do you really care if you deny them the right to resist? #but here's the other side. you just cannot ask this of jews. maybe some jews but the vast majority? telling them they need #to essentially throw their support behind an organisation that hates their existence? #hamas ARE antisemitic. the houthis are antisemitic #it's a different kind of antisemitism to the white/aryan supremacist kind. it's complex and it comes with an actual weight of grievances #but it's still antisemitism. the future desired by the resistance is not kind to jews certainly not in palestine and realistically #not anywhere else either. islamophobia and antisemitism have both seen huge upticks since 7 october. do you think it's just #nazis and far right bigots enjoying free reign? no. there is a real inter ethnic inter religious hatred here. you can't just wish it away #there's a real sense i get from the circles i follow here that you have to be 'all in' with your activism or else your views are worth shit #but then i guess it's okay if your wholehearted antizionist rhetoric is just a bit antisemtic as well or supports those who are #so yeah actually for jews this is not an easy solution. at least for this jew it is not. the only uncomplicated thing for me #s seeing what israel does and calling it a crime against humanity and demanding an immediate ceasefire #talking unreservedly about the evil that israel has committed against palestinians for decades #i wish it was as uncomplicated as going from that to saying israel needs to disappear completely. but im jewish and i have a jewish family. #i cant boycott my father like a problematic celebrity for getting upset when i said israel should never have been established at all #i cant sit in judgment of every jew who feels some personal connection to israel when i'm 2 degrees removed from victims of 7 october #anyway. me personally i fucking loathe israel. not Just Its Government i hate the mocking cruelty of its army and many people in it #and also for how it is tied up with jewish identity despite me wanting no part of it. whether i like it or not.

[isekyaaa]

I really hope that when people read articles that are like, "People of this minority group are telling you not to [insert something pertaining to said minority group]," please use your brain and take it with a grain of salt and don't accept everything you read as truth.

#rambles #just because someone screams really loudly about something doesn't mean that it's true #i cannot emphasize this enough #i lose track of the amount of articles that are like #'dont visit hawaii! natives do not want you here!!!!!!!' #'the tourism industry does not help natives at all!!!!!!' #like tourism is literally the backbone of the economy #it's hawaii's main moneymaker #how is that not 'helping the natives' #most locals do not care if tourists come #all we ask is do not be rude and respect the land and culture #what i am trying to say is that don't take articles you read online as the voice for a people #yes some natives don't want people here #but i cannot deny that a lot of that rhetoric has shades of racial hatred behind it #i'd say a good 99% of the time they're talking about 'tourists' they're talking about specifically white ppl #when in reality i want to say a good amount of tourists are asian #ugh #i just really hate articles like that #'dont do this because this minority group hates it!' #literally who said that and why are you not capturing the voices of people that disagree? #reminds me of the time i got almost banned from the asian american subreddit for saying pacific islanders are not asian during aapi month #because my words could be 'upsetting' to people #like literally what?

[izacore]

.

#@nonnie yeah i get that and there's nothing wrong with that #it's just the overcompensating that i cannot stand and denying the reality #at least be objective and don't minimize some things or call them an overreaction? idk idk #i guess the hypocrisy of a fandom that considers itself soooo woke just irks me #cause some things you can't turn a blind eye to

[ghcstcd]

Hc that you’re some older alternative universe version of myself bc too many things are lining up to be coincidences by now. You also seem like the type of person that would own a lot of candles but forget to burn them.

I grew up in a witch coven, of course I have too many candles that I forget to burn.

#I cannot confirm nor deny to be an alternate you from another dimension #I'm high and do NOT need to question my state of reality right now! #messages from beyond the ask box #harpieunion

[dangaer]

i know a lot of people get mad at it but tbh shin really looks out for the heroine in spade and diamond route.

#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc. #I SAID. WHAT I SAID. #people absolutely despise him in ikk.i's route which is honestly fair if thats how you feel im never gonna be like HOW DARE YOU #but the reality is is that while shins words are very cruel in certain parts ( cannot deny that and he should apologise for them ) #at the same time. ik.ki was currently flirting with other women openly and not just “for work” and then he was also lumped in to having an #extra shift because a girl couldnt come into work as she was rejected by him. i would be mad too ... #but also like. at near the end of the route he makes a point to actively help them out which is his way of showing his support for them #like ... as a friend the way he looks out for the heroine is rlly remarkable. #its the same with diamond world bc for context. shin has done A LOT to help the heroine and her love for toma for this route #shins been papparazi #probs had to go round his face and find out random facts #he's always round toma's it just happens #but like. he actively gets involved when he starts to notice things aren't right and tom.a's getting restrictive #like he actively takes that role to help the heroine out. as a friend thats a really incredible thing to do #and SEE HAPPEN #it gives a good message despite the countless bad ones that surround it. #shin ONLY gets concerned when things dont feel right for him. and he backs off when hes proven wrong. hes genuinely got a soft heart ... #I PROMISE. #anyway. ull never guess whos character page ive done today--- FGSGFDGS i got lost in playthrough vids bc i forgot some of the events in #joker world so may have to revise that part #but we will see #i forgot how difficult bios are im ngl people who do them all in like a week are incredible mine are taking me literally 4+ hours and they #dont even look like 4 hours of work. gonna do my pages a lil diff tomorrow to see if that helps and then go from there somehow #TBD. #im emotional its 2:30am and im emotional about shin again 2022 is coming back to me

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#i genuinely-- GENUINELY-- believe more ppl would understand the phrase 'acab' if they were ever present for a camp sweep. #'''bUt ThEyRe JuSt DoInG tHeIr JoBs''' okay if you can give me that excuse after seeing a swat team worth of cops #shred tents in 30°< weather while trashing clothes&blankets at 3am in riot gear #youre actually just a bad person&should probably just admit that lmao. #like its currently illegal in pdx to hand out tents on the streets. street teams are no longer allowed to hand out life saving material. #this was enacted immediately after the last cold front bc fires happened bc how the fuck else do ppl stay warm #on the streets in 20°< weather. &like i dont think ppl realize how quickly you can go thru tents on city streets #SPECIFICALLY bc cops shred tents during camp sweeps. this is yet another in a continued line of laws passed #that-- to anyone who is willing to put in ANY EFFORT AT ALL-- are very obviously angled to kill homeless ppl. #&i really think that if more ppl saw the actual reality of what this all looks like together theyd at the very least #be embarassed if not ashamed to try to defend the pigs&their job which is literally to harm ppl lmao. #tell me theyre just doing their jobs after watching a team of them demolish everything a family has in the world. #there will for sure be officers laughing&physically+verbally abusing the ppl there. that will for sure be happening #bc i cannot stress enough that to do the fucking job in general you have to be a bad person willing to do heinous things. #but are the ones NOT doing that any better lmao? can you genuinely tell me theyre any better or feel any form of pity #as they do the exact same job as the awful ppl around them they just dont laugh or go even further while they do it? #its still legal in most states in the usa for cops to fuck fs street workers to prove theyre swers then arrest them after bc pRoOf lmao. #can you GENUINELY look me in the eye&tell me those cops are better than the ones that outright rape swers once theyre in custody? #i just. i just cant stand ppl who hold horrible beliefs wont further examine them at all&STILL need to be reassured #that theyre good ppl lmao. just be a bad person are you fucking serious why bother bending&breaking to deny it. #just like famous nepo babies crying about 'my mommy+daddy just FUNDED&CONNECTED me i wasnt GIVEN success :(' #so you not only get to have EVERYTHING on a silver platter you also NEED to be assured that this wasnt what happened??? NO.

[faetedforglory]

planes nomad brain rot

#tbd #{Thinking about Keanu talking about being pretty much forbidden from returning to their home world} #{Maybe not legally but} #{They feel like they're seen as diseased. Contagious. Like a rabid animal that might infect others with their affliction} #{How they've been consumed by the fatal illnesses of hedonism and wanderlust} #{And how they can't understand their race's stagnation. How they can be content in stillness and rigidity} #{They've been blessed with the wonderful gift to explore every possible reality out there} #{And their kind chooses familiarity and a constant} #{It doesn't make sense to them. How can you not chase joy and excitement and heartache and the unknown and the impossible?} #{How can you waste away in monotony and mundane?} #{Their kind is meant for so much more. And they cannot fathom denying such a call} #{Their kind thinks that Keanu cannot know true happiness because their hearts will never be content with rest but} #{Keanu knows happiness. They just know there is no such thing as constant happiness like their kind has fooled themselves into thinking} #{Life is about pain and joy and suffering and love and loss and heartache and its so much more} #{They do not want constant happiness. They want to live. They want to cry and ache and love and regret and laugh and make memories} #{They may never have a physical home} #{But as long as they are free their hearts. Their body is their home} #{And Keanu thinks it's so silly to be cast out and ridiculed for wanting to live instead of be contained and unhappy}

[soon-palestine]

"I’m personally a Holocaust survivor as an infant, I barely survived.

My grandparents were killed in Aushwitz and most of my extended family were killed.

I became a Zionist; this dream of the Jewish people resurrected in their historical homeland and the barbed wire of Aushwitz being replaced by the boundaries of a Jewish state with a powerful army…and then I found out that it wasn’t exactly like that, that in order to make this Jewish dream a reality we had to visit a nightmare on the local population.

There’s no way you could have ever created a Jewish state without oppressing and expelling the local population. Jewish Israeli historians have shown without a doubt that the expulsion of Palestinians was persistent, pervasive, cruel, murderous and with deliberate intent - that’s what’s called the 'Nakba' in Arabic; the 'disaster' or the 'catastrophe'.

There’s a law that you cannot deny the Holocaust, but in Israel you’re not allowed to mention the Nakba, even though it’s at the very basis of the foundation of Israel.

I visited the Occupied Territories (West Bank) during the first intifada. I cried every day for two weeks at what I saw; the brutality of the occupation, the petty harassment, the murderousness of it, the cutting down of Palestinian olive groves, the denial of water rights, the humiliations...and this went on, and now it’s much worse than it was then. It’s the longest ethnic cleansing operation in the 20th and 21st century.

I could land in Tel Aviv tomorrow and demand citizenship but my Palestinian friend in Vancouver, who was born in Jerusalem, can’t even visit! So then you have these miserable people packed into this, horrible…people call it an 'outdoor prison', which is what it is. You don’t have to support Hamas policies to stand up for Palestinian rights, that’s a complete falsity.

You think the worse thing you can say about Hamas, multiply it by a thousand times, and it still will not meet the Israeli repression and killing and dispossession of Palestinians.

And 'anybody who criticises Israel is an anti-Semite' is simply an egregious attempt to intimidate good non-Jews who are willing to stand up for what is true."

#palestine #gaza #free palestine

[bamsara]

I'm new to this blog, what's dream lamb and dream narinder?? They're cool but I do not understand I wish to comprehend

Dream Lamb (And Dream Narinder) is exactly as the name implies; dream versions of the counterpart that only appears within Narinder's (Or Lambert's) dreams at night.

They are a visual manifestation of the subconscious, they are not real individuals. They can reflect what Narinder/Lamb's true feelings are about something/someone, or torment them about things that they perceive to be true.

One example is that Dream Lamb often makes Narinder remember how fondly he thinks of the Lamb ("You think of them so poetically" + all prior friendship he had with them in the gateway) or pointing out how his words contradict his actions; behaving and believing them to be a traitor and insufferable but doing things of his own will (resurrecting the crab, not killing their flock because it makes them upset, allowing Leshy to live, ect ect).

Dream Lamb ALSO points out the complicated feelings with his siblings; ie reminding him of how he used to help raise his youngers, and the mixture of emotions he feels towards individuals who he claims he despises.

Dream Narinder (Who is not into written form yet and is only in comic form as of this post) who instead of tormenting the dreamer with confrontation of feelings being denied, instead sews doubt and guilt. The Lamb feels even though they stayed true to themselves, they cannot help but feel like their perceived betrayal has damaged the friendship between them and Narinder beyond repair. Despite that grief for the loss of friendship, they'll accept what little companionship they can have from their best friend left over.

Dream Narinder fuels on this, often echoing their worst fears and worries ('You've done a good job as my vessel, so I no longer have a need for you.") So he acts non-nonchalant and often mocking/teasing, or even indulgent with the acknowledgment that none of it is real. Where as Dream Lamb confronts Narinder with feelings he's wanting to push back, Dream Narinder goes the opposite route, and calmly and casually reinforces what they believe to be the reality.

Dream Lamb represents Denial of the Truth, While Dream Narinder is the Acceptance of a Lie.

However,

Because they are corrupted visuals of the subconscious, but still their subconscious nonetheless, this means that these behaviors can change or be different depending on how the dreamer thinks/feels, and how they're processing their emotions in relation to something. Especially when they're confronting it.

In other words, the closer Narinder gets to accepting his feelings and understanding the Lamb's reasoning for their 'betrayal', and the closer the Lamb gets to realizing Narinder's care for them still persists, the more accurate and truer the dreams become.

Like in this comic, where Dream Narinder is tormenting the Lamb, but after their snap back that Narinder would not say something so cruel to them, despite his outward attitude, they are practically rewarded with a praise for it.

For Dream Narinder specifically, his eye remains closed....but opens a little more the closer and closer the Lamb gets to believing how Narinder truly feels about them, whether the real cat has accepted it or not.

As for Dream Lamb, they go from being very aggressive about their confrontation to something more docile, eventually as Narinder starts to process everything.

Another thing: the Dreams are linked. Not always, but they have to be on the same...wavelength for it. An understanding, perhaps. But they do affect each other, sometimes.

The dreams can be nice too, depending. That's why they're not always nightmarish. Meaning, with enough push and pull, eventually:

Why all of this dream and nightmare stuff is happening? Yet to be revealed.

Remember guys if you avoid your feelings in real life they might hunt you down in your dreams, and possibly bluetooth you to the object of your affections dreams as well if you're nice about it

#apologies for the ramble #trod au #the rehabilitation of death #narilamb

[anantaru]

HAI YORUUUUU I LOVE YOUR WORKS SMMMMMM, which boys do you think would be really rough?

including. zhongli, childe

cw. dom zhongli & dom childe, dirty talk, messy and sticky!!! rough syx, teasing you, fem! reader

— ꒰ ZHONGLI ꒱

zhongli wants to break here and there, and perhaps his nature was to blame for his lack of restraint right now, because in reality— he wasn't patient when it comes to you, particularity to this, he couldn't hold back the carnal desire seeping in his bones whenever you enclose around his shaft.

but he finds it so enchanting, how every time he drags his cock into you harder, presses deeper against the plump lips of your pussy, as well as rushing through your walls slowly in and out, you take it with a pitched whine and a shiver on your spine, your throat burning with lust.

you drive him crazy. it really takes unparalleled strength to deny himself of you. it must be your scent, or your noises bearing a resemblance to silk.

when it comes to morax, or as you called him— zhongli, despite him masking as a human, he owned an overbearing strength compared to that of mere mortals, a divinity rummaging in his veins and staying with him no matter what.

while his experience too, had to be uncountable.

he can fuck you all night, he has fucked you multiple times. pulled and twisted you into various positions and shadowed his sheer strength above your own fragile one— thrusting his long, veiny length into your warm cunt to the pure limitations of you, until you're writhing, utterly consumed with pleasure, not finding the strength to stop yourself from throbbing around him.

and despite that, his hunger still, cannot be quenched.

you obediently hold his gaze when he cradles your face gently, pressing in close and drawing an arm over your naked body— the new expression on his face was concealed, aside from the lust you ignited in him you couldn't catch a sight of something else.

although under further focus you watch the seriousness melt from his stare as something feral, disgustingly carnal slips into place.

he thrusts his cock through your ruined pussy as he strains his hot, twitching shaft by fucking through your cunt fervently, your eyes criss-crossing when he gets faster and deeper, his balls bouncing off your flesh and igniting the room with lewd sounds.

yet within a drag of his cock, zhongli leans into your body, the warmth in his voice offering enough contentment to wrap your arms around his chest and draw him nearer as he parts his lips, "you will tell me if it hurts?" he whispers into your cheek, making sure, sighing wistfully as he smears his saliva on your skin before kissing you, "and if it's too slow, darling. i have to hear you,"

you're just so soaked by how he articulated himself, how he presented his golden eyes and touched you that you're so hot in your skin right now, utterly certain that he could very well melt against your body like this.

an infatuation of being filled to your capacity by his thick, stretched-out erection turns your thoughts into dense clouds, the nerves in your body into putty beneath his hands— it's over, and an interval of choked cries echoes from your throat as he deepens your connection.

zhongli bites down hard on his lower lip, nearly splitting the fragile flesh as he sinks and sinks and sinks back into you, the overwhelming taste of fullness turning you almost out of commission as you bend your hips up obediently, finding solace in the hands of the man who promised to protect you, take care of you, love you.

— ꒰ CHILDE ꒱

childe will thrust into you with a force that repeatedly hits the bed-frame against the wall and shifts the mattress beneath your combined weight.

his strength was almost frightening, as well as intriguing, perhaps both— and archons, childe was truly so good at this, he turns you slicked and desperate without blinking once.

it's all fun and games to the eleventh harbinger, and he's up for another challenge tonight. can he make you cum faster this time? well, he knows your body better than anybody else and might even believe that he'd be aware of your sugar-glazed spots inside your pretty pussy more than you were.

childe was insufferable, truly, and every time he rolled his hips slowly into your heat to taunt you, pretend like he doesn't want to fuck you hard and fast, he pulls out of your warmth and messes up your slobbering pussy by suddenly grinding in deep. thick globules of your arousal, hefty in amount, glissading from your hole whenever he moved you body back and forth his cock like you're his own, personal ragdoll.

"so pretty..." ajax muses, his eyes slipping shut when he leans in to kiss you abruptly, your shy whimpers morphing into panting gasps with a desperate need to kiss him back.

shortly after, he releases your lips with a raw, sinful sound before indulging his fingers in tracing along the curves of your pretty hips, "ahh, i can't hold back anymore, what will you do about that, baby?"

"you'll take it, right?" childe continues, his forehead bedewed in sweat as he narrows his brows when you clench down on his shaft resting inside the snug confines of your pussy, "yeah... I will baby, just please move again," you mumble back helplessly, and flinch right after when he turns to your chest to lightly tease your nipples and squeeze your breasts in his palm, simply bathing in the glory of your naked body.

a twinkle of amusement animates his eyes, "you know," he says amiably, beginning to smother your walls with his shaft again as he rests his forehead against your own, "it's nearly too much to bear for me, when you do that," childe whines brazenly, like he wanted you to hear the filthiness in his tone as he points towards your hole fluttering around his length.

"—and yet, it's nowhere near enough to me, all the more reason to continue this all night long," he smirks with a sharp lick of his tongue into your mouth before forcing your cunt to swallow his cock to the complete base of him, "to fuck you baby, until you're so ruined for me baby, until we both are,"

his chest sticks to your glistening body before he pushes himself off you to place on hand against the bed frame while the other kept your hips in place.

childe grins triumphantly when you pull your legs further apart as he begins to move faster, the shape of your cunt already morphed in the size of his shaft as you take his blows like he needed you to— and you're basking in the roughness and experience, drooling messily as he fucks you until you're done for.

©2024 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify, claim as your own

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #zhongli x reader #zhongli smut #childe x reader #childe smut #genshin x you #genshin impact x you #childe x you #zhongli x you #genshin impact drabbles #genshin drabbles #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia smut #genshin imagines #genshin fanfic

[teaboot]

While I'm happy that the word "gaslighting" is more known than it used to be, and that people at large are learning to recognize what it looks like, I feel like we need to be careful not to turn it into something soft and casual we throw around off the cuff without meaning.

Being gaslit is psychological abuse that fucks you up very badly, very slowly, at such a gradual pace that you don't usually know it's happening until it's already re-wired your brain.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, "to gaslight" is to intentionally persuade someone that they cannot trust their own perceptions of reality. It's a destabilizing form of manipulation that leaves you constantly anxious, off-balanced, confused, and dependant on others.

This is done by lying about events that have happened or about things that are happening, invalidating feelings and observations, and either denying, refusing to acknowledge, or deflecting away from hard facts.

As someone who has experienced gaslighting as a form of abuse, this is what I remember from when I didn't know anything was off:

"Oh, I must have forgotten what really happened."

"I'm just not seeing it from their point of view."

"Everyone has their ups and downs. This is normal."

"I guess I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

"I must have been wrong."

This is what I remember from when I first started realizing something was weird:

"How come every time I'm convinced they did something wrong, they just talk to me a few minutes, and I end up asking for their forgiveness? What has me so convinced I was right in the first moment?"

"I should start writing things down when they happen, so I can go back and check later when I'm confused."

"If every relationship like ours (familial, romantic, platonic) works this way, how come I never hear about it, or read about it, or see it anywhere else?"

Getting out and adjusting to the real world is hard, too, and comes with rapid swings of unfounded guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and self-deprication that are completely unfounded in reality.

You've been conditioned to believe that you are entirely helpless and unable to think for yourself, possibly "crazy" or otherwise fundamentally impaired, and that there is a singular source of guidance that knows exactly what is right, and all of a sudden that pillar of support has vanished.

The immediate "after" that I recall looks like:

Constant uncertainty. Because nobody is there to tell you what's real and what isn't, you approach every situation thinking at it from all angles. Every question has fifty possible answers and most of them are wrong and you don't know which. If you choose wrong, the world will end.

A sense of helplessness. You feel that nothing you do is correct, and it's easier to make no choices at all- or you make wild, reckless, impulsive choices, because you feel you have nothing to lose.

Memory loss. I don't understand this one, but it's not like memoriescare being erased, but more like... you're so used to treating your memories as dreams or imaginations that you reflexively dismiss anything you recall as fake, and you can't believe anything you recall because you don't think it was real. Your abusers voice is in your head, wiping things away and telling you that you did the wrong thing. And you believe them, because they're the only constant you can rely on.

Missing the abuser, or the abusive dynamic. Because you know now that it wasn't healthy, but at least you knew where you stood. As long as you said the right things and acted the right way, agreed and obeyed and did as they expected, you felt like thevworld made sense. Now you have to figure out which parts of you really are broken, and which parts are working fine in a really weird way, and it's like tuning a piano when you've never played one before.

The long term "after"- for which I can only speak for myself- looks like:

Having to double-check, triple-check, and continue checking hard evidence of an event before responding in an active way.

Consulting with trusted friends to verify that your observations are legitimate and that your perceptions are valid. Following up with them to see if someone is really angry at you, or if you're just projecting anger onto them because it's what makes sense to your old pattern.

Obsessive collection of "evidence"- saving pictures, writing detailed journals, making recordings and video, never deleting emails or old texts, because you still don't quite trust yourself all the way and you're afraid that someone will cause you to doubt yourself again.

Continued self-doubt and being "gullible": I have straight up seen people flip me off to my face in front of witnesses and then immediately tell me, "No, I was just waving", and my first instinct is to believe them. For a few seconds, I *really do* believe them. Your brain is so trained to latch onto what people tell you to believe that its really, really hard to hold onto information that you already have.

Learning to take ownership over your own actions. (I didn't mess up because I'm "crazy", I messed up because I'm a person and people do that.)

Instinctively seeking approval. (Takes a lot of work to remind myself that I don't exit to make people happy, and that some people suck ass, and I can tell them to piss off.)

I don't intend to invalidate anyone currently struggling with this- if you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. That's the thought that got me out. Trust that feeling that something isn't right.

I just want people who don't know what to look for to know what gaslighting *actually* looks and feels like, so they don't just roll their eyes and think, "Oh, that word doesnt apply to me- I'm not some snowflake".

('Cause we all saw what happened with "triggered", right?)

#Gaslighting #Abuse #Information #Psychological abuse