Time Bomb
The dirt!Nikki Sixx x Female Reader
Warning: drug abuse.
You struggled to remember the first time you meet Nikki Sixx.
Maybe it was at a rave in an occupied house or maybe at a punk concert in some locals, but that didn’t matter, you two clicked immediately.
After the first sight you exchange you were already kissing passionately, ignoring completely the music and the other people. And that night in bed you really try for the first time what wild sex was, you weren’t sure you could walk the next morning. But it wasn’t just sex with him, he was also the person that after ravished your body took his time to gently caress it and worshipped it, that man loved eat you out. You weren’t sure why, but you have one theory: the first time he marked you as his girl, the second showed how much he cared about you and he was in need of affection.
His mother was a bitch, his father left when Nikki was two, it was no surprise that guy was a mess, but still you loved him.
After all you were a mess too.
Your father killed your mother in front of you when you were eight and then try to assault you, luckily some neighbors called the police and that bitch was arrested. You never forgave him, he wrote countless time from jail but you tore all the letters apart.
After the murder you were placed in a foster home, since you were a cute kid they hoped that some family will adopt you soon, but what happened turned you in a little scared animal and you ran away every time a potential family showed up. You also had nightmares, you screamed all night so loud that, despite the lack of place you were put in a room alone.
You were twelve the first time you try alcohol, it was love at first sight.
Of course the people at foster home tried their best to hide it from you, but you always ended up finding it.
Your grades were a mess so at fourteen you were kicked out from school and forced to find a job. You tried to do a lot of jobs but you were always fired because of your bad temper.
At sixteen you left the foster home, no one ever came to claim you back.
After it there was just Nikki and the endless nights of having fun with the Mötley Crüe, you lied on your age so they did not know they were buying alcohol at a sixteen years girl instead of a twenty-one and Nikki did not know he was fucking an underage girl always drunk.
While touring with the band you discovered weed, you and Tommy smoked a lot, Tommy was also in cocaine like the other guys, except Mick, and Nikki was in heroin.
You got along with everyone except for Mick. You don’t hate each other, but something in the way he looked at you made you understand he knew that you were saying a lot of bullshit to everyone.
You were scared to confront him, so you just avoid each other, no one ever asked you why because they knew Mick was a bit of antisocial person.
You were drinking alone on the bus when Mick sat next to you.
“Y/N, you must tell Nikki the truth.”
“What truth, dude?”
“Do you think I’m dumb?
You are twenty one like me. How old are you really?”
“Does it even matter? I have booze and sex anyway.”
“Yes, it matters.
The guy are on a contract with the Elektra record, every scandal could really kill us and our career.”
“Oh, that’s why you are worried… Little selfish twenty one years alien.”
“Stop it, you are not funny.”
“I’m fucking sixteen and don’t even ask me if I have a family.
I lived in a foster home since I was eight and when I run away no one come to look for me.
Happy now?
Now go to hell and let me drink!”
“Tell Nikki the truth, before the things would go out of control.
You snorted, everything was perfectly fine.
You got high, you had sex, you had fun and the circle repeated every fucking day, how could it go out of control?
You had it checked
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a normal night when the things risked to go out of control.
You and Nikki were laying in a bed of an hotel, one of the countess you saw on tour with the band, after sex. You got used to the fact that then Nikki shot heroin in his veins and you looked all the rituals before and then to his happy face.
“Nikki?”
You shook him gently with a new brilliant idea in mind.
“What’s up, angel?”
“Shoot me heroin, please.”
He blinked two times, like he needed time to process the idea, than nodded.
He used one of his ties as a restraint, he fulfill the syringe and he was ready, you were so excited that you could barely stay still. Finally you will understand the happiness that Nikki found in that drug.
He was about to shoot it, but suddenly in his eyes you saw consciousness and than pure horror, he threw away the syringe. You were speechless, he removed the tie and threw it away too.
“Why?”
“Y/N, don’t you understand?”
“No, Nikki! I wanna be happy too!”
He took your hands and squeezed them.
“You will never be happy with heroin, believe me.
What the hell was I thinking when I said yes to you?”
“I don’t understand, Nikki!”
You screamed frustrated.
“You are always so happy after you shoot heroin, than I wanna try too, what’s wrong in it?”
“I’m not happy when I shoot! It’s hell, pure hell!
You wanted more and more heroin, you look for money and you can do everything to find them, till one day there will be a last shoot and someone will find you dead somewhere with a syringe in your arm. And you will be another name on the papers, another worthless junkie. Is that what you want? Die?”
“But, you?”
“I choose this life cause I’m an idiot that hope to find the love of a mother in the drugs, but I choose it. I don’t wanna choose it also for you. I don’t wanna watch you destroy your life and thinking it’s my fault.
You don’t deserve it!”
You saw tears in Nikki eyes.
He put up some jeans and a t-shirt.
“I’m an idiot.”
He walked towards the door.
“Don’t go! Don’t leave me!
You screamed at the tops of your lungs.
“I need time alone, the situation is no more under control.”
“If you go I’ll shoot myself some heroin!”
“Good luck.”
He showed you the syringe he threw away.
“This was the last one.”
He exit the door and you started to cry, your body automatically shifted to Nikki’s side to feel his warmth.
You ruined everything, he will never come back.
You were so stupid, you didn’t care anymore about heroin, you just wanted him back.
You wanted to hug him kiss him till you both remained breathless, but it would never happened.
You heard the door opened.
“Nikki?”
“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m not him.”
Standing next your bed there was Mick, you sobbed louder.
He sat next to you, he caressed slowly your hair and patted on your back.
“Ssh, Y/N. Everything will be okay.
Everything will be okay.”
“He’s gone.”
You mumbled desperately.
“You were right, Mick. I should have told him everything. The situation went out of control and I’m the one to blame.”
“Wanna tell me what happened?”
“Nikki shot himself heroin and I asked him if he could shoot it also in me. He was about to do it, but then he threw away the syringe and told me that drugs are hell and he can’t do this do it cause I didn’t deserved it.
He went away.
I fucked up Mick, Nikki wouldn’t want to see me again, he will never come back.”
“No, Y/N. If he stopped from shooting you it means that he cares about you and love you.
He will come back, we can’t leave without him.”
You chuckled between the tears.
“I miss him, Mick.
I fucking miss him.”
During all this time Mick was cradling you and you slowly felt better.
“Thank you. Wanna be my father?”
He chuckled.
“I’m too strange to be your father.”
“Mine killed my mum in front of my eyes, you can’t be worse of him.”
He placed on the bed, he covered you.
“I’m sorry, little one.
Now sleep, you need it. Everything between you and Nikki will be fixed.”
He threw you a dirty Nikki tee, smelling the scent of him relaxed you enough to close your eyes.
“Thank you, Mick.”
“You are welcome.”
You felt into a deep sleep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning Nikki was plopped next to you, an elbow lifted.
You got rid of the blankets and hugged him tighter that you could.
“Don’t do ever again! Don’t leave me again, please.
Please.”
You started crying again, he dried the tears with kiss till you were yourself again.
“Y/N, we need to talk and won’t be nice. I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one that it’s sorry because I did a really stupid thing yesterday. Please, forgive me.”
He smiled sadly.
“You are already forgiven, it’s my entire fault. I kept shooting next to you and it was normal that you wanted to try. And that’s lead to what I need to tell you.”
He breathed deep.
“Tomorrow we’ll be back in Los Angeles and I’ll tell you what we’ll do.
I’ll go to rehab and you will go as well, you drink way too much, angel.”
You nodded.
“We’ll see after rehab.”
He shook his head.
“Y/N, you are not twenty one, not even eighteen. What’s your real age?”
“Does it matter?”
“If the papers or the Elektra Records find out, yes, it matters.
They will make your life a living hell and if there’s something bad in your past they literally tell it to everyone.”
You thought to your mother dying faces and at the madness in your father eyes.
“I’m sixteen. I lived in a foster home in LA. My father killed my mother when I was eight.”
“I’m sorry, love.”
You two hugged with desperation.
“I would like to stay with you, but I can’t right now. I’ll pay the rehab and in two years will be together again. On the road, living adventures.”
There was something in Nikki’s voice that worried you.
“Swear to me you would come back.”
He stayed silent.
“Nik, I won’t go anywhere if you don’t swear to me you will be back.”
He was still silent.
“I don’t care if you think that you are not enough for me.
I don’t care if you think you are dangerous for me.
The only thing I care is that you will come back, so…”
You dried a tear.
“So come back to me.”
“Yes I will, even if it’s better I won’t. I destroy everything I touch.”
You hugged him so tight that you can feel his heart beats next to you ear.
“I love you, I really love you. Don’t say such things.”
He hugged you back.
“I love you, baby.”
You started collected your stuff and put it in the suitcase.
It was incredible how short were the last two days, all you did was stay together with him holding hands, chatting, playing the dorks one and had sex during the last night.
And so the day you dread arrived, it was time to say goodbye to Nikki.
You watched him for a while and then kissed him with passion.
When you were forced to separate, he held you in his arms.
“I’ll be back. At your 18th birthday I’ll bring you with me.”
“I’ll wait, but you come back.”
“I will.”
Mick coughed lightly.
“Time to go.”
He kissed you forehead, you smiled.
Inside yourself you were dying, rotting slowly without the best part of yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rehab was difficult.
The last time you were completely sober you were twelve. You talked a lot, suffered a lot, cried a lot and hugged strangers.
All you did was for him, for Nikki.
You wanted to be your best self for him so you two could be back together and had the wild life you both love.
Six month after you were out of the clinic, confused and scared till you saw Mick, waiting for you next to a car.
“Thank you.”
You whispered.
“Hey, Y/N. Who’s that man?”
Asked the girl you grew to hate most, Mick seemed to understand it.
“I’m her father. Bye, bitch.
Y/N, time to go.”
You jumped in the car and Micks started it.
“Where are we going?”
“Nikki rented a house for you in a quiet place.”
“I will never able to repay all that he did for me.”
You said sadly.
“Just love him and help him stay away from drugs. It will be enough.”
Mick’s voice was quiet.
“Why are you taking care of me?”
“I can’t let a kid like you alone in this world, you’re gonna get lost.”
You finally arrived to the house, furniture was already there so you hugged Mick.
“Bye, guitarist.”
You were smiling sincerely, he smiled too.
You had a friend in this crazy world.
You put your clothes in the wardrobe and the rest at its place, then you opened the fridge, someone stuffed it with things. You heated up a pizza and ate it.
The day after you walked around for the neighbor and look for some jobs, you asked at two shops but they politely declined. You asked at a bar and they agreed to test you for a period.
You would start at six and end at two in the afternoon, it was good for you.
So the next day you started and found out you weren’t that bad as a waitress.
Your routine was set till the day Nikki will come back to you.
You were a bit impatient, but life was teaching you to wait.
December 23, 1987.
You were watching tv while drawing something when the news said that Nikki Sixx, bassist of the band Mötley Crüe was declared dead in an ambulance by heroin overdose.
That evening turned into a nightmare, you broke all the things you could and then started to cry, collapsing on the floor between the debris.
It couldn’t be possible.
He promised you he would come back, he couldn’t go where you couldn’t reach him.
It was a sick joke, but all the news said the same thing.
Nikki was dead.
Gone.
And you cried and cried, while your heart shattered in a thousand of pieces, lost in the rib cage.
An hour later you heard the gentle steps of someone, someone that cradled you like you were a little kid, you would recognize that touch in a millions.
“Mick, he’s dead. I can’t reach him, kill me.”
You said with tears flowing on your check.
“He’s not dead, Y/N, there’s no need to die.”
“But the TV…”
“He was declared dead, but a paramedic revived him with two shots of adrenaline. He’s alive and safe at the hospital.”
“Please, bring me to him. I need to see him. I need to see he’s real.”
“Ok, baby.
But promises you won’t draw any attention to you.”
“I’ll promise.”
“Good girl. Now let’s go.”
“Mick…”
“Yes?”
“I love you, I think at you as the father I deserve.”
You never saw the guitarist smiled so bright, he caressed your hair gently.
“Let’s go, kid.”
He took you to the cars and started it, luckily there was not too much traffic towards the hospital. Curled up on the passenger seat you felt fragile and vulnerable at your best, you didn’t know if the person you loved was alive or dead. You felt like a piece of you as missing.
You finally arrived and Mick pushed softly at the entrance, you put a foot in front of another and finally entered the buildings. You took an elevator and then walked in empty corridors till the guitarist stopped at a door.
“Go, baby. He’s there.”
You grab the door knob and went into the room, Nikki was lying on a bed, the light of the moon caressed his body.
You ran to him who widened his eyes.
“You are alive.”
You exhaled.
You kissed his hands, his forehead and cheeks.
He looked sad and ashamed.
“I didn’t want you to see me this way. I’m a mess.”
“All that matters to me is that you are alive.”
You caressed his itchy chin.
“I know you hate show yourself vulnerable, but let me allow this.”
He hugged you tightly.
“I’m sorry. It was never my intention to scare you like this.
I’ll be better than this, I’ll be someone worth of you.
The day of your 18th birthday I’ll come to pick you up, angel.”
“I’ll wait, love.”
You kissed and then he kissed your forehead.
“Time to go.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
You went out of the room and cried.
He was alive.
He was fucking alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
21st January 1988
It was the day you turned eighteen, you packed up all your things yesterday evening.
Now you were waiting for Nikki and checking obsessively your outfit: a leather skirt, a Mötley Crüe t-shirt, fishnets, boots and a leather jacket.
Your make up was a bit dark, you put a lot of black pencil and a lipstick darker than usual.
You lighted up a cigarette while you were waiting for him walking around the house, you felt like a caged animal.
And finally the door knock you were waiting arrived, you opened the door and hugged Nikki with the cig still in your hands.
You looked at him, he seemed healthier and more beautiful than usual.
“You are awesome, Nikki.
You my awesome black angel.”
You kissed him again.
“And you are my little fairy.
Time to pack things, love.
“Already done, mister Sixx.”
You hugged him again.
“Wow, someone is impatient.”
“It was two years, Nikki, and you died at some point. Off course I wanna be with you as soon as I can.”
“I know, I’m sorry, love.”
You two released from the hug and started moved your boxes from the house to Nikki’s car. It took a while, but now your life was really about to start.
You jumped in the car and Nikki started it.
“I can’t wait to stay with you.”
Nikki laughed and smiled in a mysterious way, something was gonna happen, you thought.
Once arrived at Nikki’s villa you were almost knocked out by a hyperactive tall man known as Tommy Lee.
“I’m so happy you are happy you are back, I missed you, dwarf.”
“I missed you too, giant!”
You hugged him and then someone pushed him away.
“Hey, bitch. It’s my turn.”
Vince hugged you.
“Nikki is lucky to have you, but if he misbehave I’m here for you, darling.”
“Try it and I kick you outta the band in a secondo, singer.”
“Geez, someone is jealous.”
The last one was Mick.
“Thank you for everything you did for me.”
“Am I your dad, right?”
“Right.”
You said with tears stinging your eyes.
“Come on, people! Let’s go inside.”
Inside everything was ready for a party an you all started dancing and have fun.
At some point Nikki hugged you from behind and kissed under the ear.
“When this tree are gonna I’m gonna give a proper welcome back, honey.”
There was a mischievous look in your boyfriend eyes.
“I can’t fucking wait.”
You whispered, longing for feeling his skin against yours.
You felt vibrating, radiating happiness as it never happened before.
Nikki was your boyfriend, Tommy and Vince your brother and Mick your dad.
You felt surrounded by love and most of all by the feeling of finally find a family.
And then it happened.
The ticking of the time bomb you always felt in your chest stopped.
This was really your family and you found it on your own.
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