#y'all said we could cry over jonathan together | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ninebluehearts · 2 years

Text

Wasted Time, Darling

Summary: Jonathan has been pushing you away since Mira came back. So you talk about it. Not willingly on his end, but you talk.

Warning: Talk of cheating and hits of sexual acts.

A/n: First Jonathan fic y'all- come panic with me and enjoy, because I made this at 4:30-6am 💕

____________________________________________

Five months. It's been five entire months since Jonathan has even kissed you, let alone show you any kind of loving affection. He had to be cheating again. That had to be the explanation. Everything was perfectly fine just two months ago.

You had dropped your daughter Callie off with your parents for the weekend so you and Jonathan could spend time together. He had taken you out to a beautiful italian restaurant, where you enjoyed their sweet cherry wine and savory risotto.

When you got home, you both curled up against one another on the couch, each holding a pint of Ben & Jerry while you picked a random movie on Netflix. It started with small kisses against your temple. Then some to your cheek. Then a few more on your lips. A couple on your jaw, then Jonathan eagerly made his way down your neck, his hands already pulling at the edge of your shirt.

And now, there was nothing.

He knew you were jealous of Mira and while he insisted that you shouldn't be, he also knew that he gave you every reason to be. Just two years after your wedding, you came home to find him and Mira on the living room floor, both half naked and fully engulfed in each other.

He convinced you to stay that time, but you told yourself that if he was cheating again, you would leave him for good. You needed to talk to him and knowing that it would most likely get ugly, you dropped Callie off at your parents for the night.

Once you heard Jonathan's key twist the lock open, a strike of panic shot down your spine. This is a mistake. You stood up and finished the last gulp of your wine, before heading into the living room to greet your husband.

"Hey honey," You said, watching as he shook off his jacket and hung it up on the coat rack.

Jonathan sat on the stairs, mumbling a response as he worked on taking off his shoes.

"How was work?" The nerves started to creep in, causing you to fidget with your finger nails.

"It was fine, I guess." Jonathan said with a sigh, looking around the room. "Where's Callie?"

"I dropped her off at my parents so we could talk." You said as you followed him to the kitchen.

"About what?" He mumbled as he pulled a container filled with last night's leftovers out of the fridge, placing it into the microwave to heat it up.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself before you began. "I wanna know what's going on with us lately."

His head dropped between his shoulders, his hands gripping the edge of the counter. "Y/n.. what are you talking about?"

"Don't make me say it Jon.." You mumbled, trying to push the growing lump in your throat down.

"There's nothing going on-"

"Then why haven't you touch me in months?" You interrupted, tired of his bullshit excuses.

Jonathan stood up straight, obviously not expecting your confrontation. He turned around to face you, crossing his arms over his chest. "What the hell are you going on about?"

"Be honest with me." You took a shaky breath, gripping the edge of the counter to center yourself. "Are you cheating on me again?"

Jonathan pushed his fingers up his nose, squeezing the spot where his glasses sat against his skin. "Y/n.. Where is this coming from?"

"What do you mean where is this coming from? Again, you haven't touched me in months, Jonathan! Months!"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. Jesus Christ." The microwave started beeping, but you both decided to ignore it.

"Dramatic? When was the last time you kissed me? Hell, when was the last time we had sex?" You crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto your right leg. You didn't feel like crying anymore, now you just wanted the truth.

Jonathan glanced to the side, obviously having nothing to say.

"I'll tell you when. Five months ago. Conveniently, around the same time Mira came back."

"Oh, Jesus! Is that what this is about? You're seriously on this again? Fucks sake!" Jonathan stormed onto the back porch, lighting a cigarette.

You followed him outside, refusing to let this go. "I'm not jealous, Jonathan. I just want to know why my husband isn't acting like, oh, I don't know, my husband."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath with his cigarette. "So because I've been a bit distant, I've been cheating on you? Have you ever thought that maybe it's something that you did?"

You started laughing, crossing your arms over your chest again. "Please, tell me what I've done. Because you haven't been here long enough for me to even do anything to piss you off! You sleep, eat, and then you're gone!"

"Yeah right, it's all my fault." Jonathan huffed, flicking his cigarette into the yard before walking back inside. "You know what? Fuck this shit." You followed him into the living room, watching as he grabbed his jacket off of the rack and pulled it back on.

"Jonathan.." You started, unsure of your decision. You knew you couldn't continue to live like this and you wouldn't let yourself be treated like this, but you still loved him. "If you leave I won't be here when you come back." You started to fidget with the ring on your finger, ready to pull it off.

"Are you serious?" Jonathan stared at you in disbelief, his hands firmly placed on his hips.

"As a heart attack." You said, keeping your eyes locked on his.

Jonathan sighed, rubbing his hands over his face as he let out a frustrated groan. "Fine. You know what? Okay. Let's talk." He ripped his jacket off and threw it onto the floor. "What if I'm just not attracted to you anymore? Huh?"

You closed your eyes, focusing on keeping your tears at bay. When you looked at him again you noticed him itching his left hand, a dead give away to indicate when he's lying. "Next." You said, trying to maintain a neutral look.

"What?"

"Next excuse." You clarified.

He stared at you for a long while, wishing you'd just drop this. When he could tell you weren't gonna give up, he just sighed, sitting down on the stairs. "You wouldn't believe me." He mumbled, covering his face with his hands.

You walked over and knelt down in front of him, gently removing his hands away from his face. "Try me." You reached out and cupped his cheeks, guiding his face up to look at you.

He let out a defeated sigh, taking his glasses off to clean them with his shirt. "I don't want you to hate me, but Mira did try to kiss me.. I didn't reciprocate in any way, but I didn't know how to tell you. So I pushed you away, figuring you wouldn't be as mad. Hm, saying it out loud makes me sound kinda ridiculous, doesn't it?"

You shook your head, rubbing your thumb against his cheek. "I wish you had just told me, honey. I wouldn't have been mad."

He raised his eyebrows at you, knowing you better than that.

"At you." You mumbled, hiding the small smile that tugged on your lips.

"Hey," Jonathan mumbled, placing his fingers under your chin to get you to look at him. "I'm sorry, baby."

You closed your eyes, letting the tears you've been holding back roll down your cheeks. You leaned forward and pressed your lips against his, slipping your arms around his neck.

Jonathan wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing you against himself. He pulled away for only a moment, just so he could readjust and give you a proper kiss.

A few moments later, he pulled away again allowing the both of you to catch your breaths. He reached over and grabbed your left hand, pulling it up to his lips. "Never take this off. You understand?" He asked, leaning down to kiss your wedding ring. "I love you too much to even think about loosing you."

You nodded, leaning in to give him another kiss. "I love you too, Jonathan." And with that, you both stood up and headed upstairs to go to bed.

Sweet/smutty part 2 <3

#scenes from a marriage #scenes from a marriage fic #jonathan levy #jonathan levy x you #jonathan levy x reader #mira mentioned #oscar issac #oscar isaac characters #oscar isaac hernandez estrada #jonathan levy x y/n

297 notes · View notes

ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty · 2 years

Text

I will be honest, when I first read this I did start freaking out (in a bad way) and I did want to smack mike upside the head. But then I realised this has to be from wills pov, it doesn't make any sense otherwise.

Why would Mike think that? He's literally in the hellfire club so there's no way that he'd make fun of will for still being "12 years old", thats will internally beating himself up, like we all do if we say something embarrassing. Will could feel how awkward it was so he quickly shut up. But why would it be awkward? Maybe because last time it was suggested to play DnD forever they had a break up fight in the rain and Mike found Will at a destroyed castle byers. It became awkward in the van because that's exactly what Mike was thinking about and he felt guilty. He felt guilty because the very last time these two ever talked about DnD, Will promised to never join another party, and Mike couldn't even suppress his smile hearing that. It became awkward because that's all Mike could think about, not because he was judging Will for saying that, but because all Mike did when Will left for California was stay in his basement and play games, and Will just asked him to do exactly that, so he probably didn't bring up nice memories for Mike.

But Will did not put two and two together like that, it even says it in the script! He's oblivious. He thought the shift in mike's mood was because of El, so that's why he started to comfort and reassure him about her!

That's why he's struggling so much here! Because he's trying to make it better, trying to make Mike feel better so it wouldn't feel so awkward. (But little does he know that he was trying to comfort Mike about the wrong thing)

Mike wasn't even really looking for comfort or reassurance really, now that I think about it. I think he was just trying to express his thoughts about El and their relationship. All he said was that it was "dumb luck" that he found her in the forest, and probably after the "fight you can't come back from" he was starting to realise that him and El just really aren't meant for each other.

He wasn't even the one to say that he was scared of losing El, Will was.

Will hated that Mike was trying to apologise for expressing his feelings, which is why he decided that that was the right moment to give Mike his painting!

But what's interesting to me here is the "they lock eyes part" I don't know why, but it seems so intimate. Why would they need to hold eye contact for Mike to just agree with what Will said? I don't know about y'all, but if someone else finished my sentence for me I would avoid all eye contact and just nod quickly. Talking about feelings is never easy and staring into someone's eyes just doesn't make sense. I think Mike wanted to say something else here, but then Will asked if he could show him something, and he just didn't want to interrupt him.

I don't think Mike is scared of losing El, because he knows in someway, that he already has, and he was coming to terms with it in the van until Will gave him the painting saying it was from El.

But gosh damn if Mike isn't head over heals for Will, then I don't know what the hell this is.

"His face can light up a room" this was mike's reaction when he thought that Will painted this for him, and I love that we finally got a little look inside Mike's head! (Even though it's just him not being able to stop gushing about the painting lmao)

But what pains me is Wills inner thoughts. "Act cool." and "No! Don't look at him. Focus on your words."

I'm going to cry, this boy is so in love with Mike wheeler that he can barely contain his emotions and has to look away from him to be able to talk- well, lie. He knew he wouldn't be able to lie about El if he didn't look away because of the look of adoration that Mike had on his face and I think I'm gonna cry again Will is so selfless oh my god

(And I love that they showed Jonathan here as well, because now we know for sure that Jonathan knew that Will was lying, and it makes that scene in the pizza place so much more sweet)

#somebody put me down please #will byers #byler #byler script #mike wheeler

47 notes · View notes

multi-fandom-freak0221 · 4 years

Text

If Your Done With Embarrassing Me On Your Own Won't You Go Ahead and Tell Them

Oh my god y'all have just blown me away. I was not expect so much positive feed back. I was screaming so much I could not Believe how much you guys liked that. And so many people are asking to be tagged in the next part thank you guys so much. Also can I just say moving from Google Docs to Tumblr was a bitch to do and I hated it. But y'all inspired me so much that I decided to just go ahead and type it up on tumblr and move it to Google Docs afterwards.

This part's title is from "Impossible" by Shontelle. The song in this part is "Young Volcanoes" by Fall Out Boy

This is Part 2 of my fic based on @misashabunbun 's Love of Three.

Part 1

Tagging List (I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I NEED ONE.):

@thestressmademedoit @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @lizziejay @indecisive-mess-named-me @captainmac6 @luveverything12 @kris-pines04 @brokenwordsarehard2

To say Marinette was busy would be an understatement. Between working with Luka and Uncle Jagged producing her album as Neon Titanium and her friends insisting that they help heal her brokenheart she felt like she was caught in a whirl wind. But it was nice she had fun. Luka and Uncle Jagged knew how to turn the hard work of producing music into a fun experience while still being efficient. And her friends they had her laughing harder than she laughed in while and smiling brighter than their resident sunshine child. They did everything they could think off.

She went shopping with Chloe and Kagami. She watched horror movies with Alix, Nathaniel, and Adrien. Marc and Luka let her rant to them which turned into a crying session which then turned into a meditation session. And on top of that her and Peter hung out as well. Whether they just worked in silence together on their respective projects or they were pranking Uncle Tony, kwami did she have fun renaming the protocols on the Iron Man suit. Soon Peter easily fit his way into her group of friends abd he fit in perfectly. Everyone got along with him.

But he wasn't the last to join their ragtag group. Everyone was shocked when Felix Graham De Vanily came to their group offering Marinette condolences on her lost engagement. He was sincere and courteous so of course no one was surprised when Marinette invited him to join in the currently planned game of dodgeball, except maybe Felix himself. But nonetheless he joined in the competition and found himself hanging out with the rest of the group as well. Soon his cold off-standish demeanor was traded for sly smirks and slick humor that nobody caught at first except Marinette and Peter who would laugh openly at his responses.

Soon enough Felix was a part of the group and felt comfortable letting his guard down. It help that they didn't treat him as the Graham De Vanily heir or Adrien's asshole cousin. They treat him like Felix, the boy who while very proper cried watching Big Hero 6. Also the boy who slam dunked on Adrien without breaking a sweat. Yet he still is the master of backhanded compliments and insulting people with a smile and having them thank him. He could truly be himself and he was thankful.

And while he easily was getting along with everyone, anyone with easy could see he had a soft spot for Peter and Marinette in general. It was in the way his face would soften when looking at them. Or the way he would smile when Marinette would get excited over something. Or the way he always paid attention to Peter when he was geeking out. It was the way he softly teased them over their height, Marinette being the shortest of the group and Peter only being taller than Marinette and Alix. And everyone knew Marinette's heart was still healing, so it came no surprise when Felix and Peter started dating. And while everyone was happy for them no one, but Marinette herself missed the looks of longing both boys would send towards her.

Believe it or not Felix was not the most surprising addition to their friend group. No the last addition came soon after Marinette formally did an interview after too much press took notice of Damian Wayne's fiancee being seen for the first time in almost a year, in New York of all places.

She remembered Uncle Tony setting up the interview with someone he trusted. She was glad that this was only an interview as Damian Wayne's (ex) fiancee and not MDC or Neon Titanium. She can only imagine how big a deal it will be when she reveals. But that was future Marinette's problem. Present Marinette had to focus on what to say without giving too much details because no matter how much he deserved it, she didn't want to throw Damian to wolves like that. She settled on saying that she was going through some things and no longer was content in Gotham. She claimed that she decided it was in her best interest to leave, but she didn't want to make a big deal about which is why nothing had been said until now.

The interview went well and everyone accepted her answers. It was released about a month after she left Damian and two weeks since Peter and Felix started dating. She still got news alerts for Gotham so she was waiting with baited breath for her interview to reach the Gotham, but it never seemed to. No announcements from WE or the Wayne family in general. She couldn't say it didn't hurt that no one even realized she was gone yet. But what hurt more was when 2 weeks after her interview she got an alert from Gotham Gazette saying the Damian claimed they set a date for their wedding. She cried that day. How could he not even notice she was gone? Was he so used to lying about her and their relationship that he didn't even give a second thought to what he was saying any more? And while she despaired, she relished in the fact that her friends did not let her be alone. Her face was buried in Peter's neck, she was sat on Felix's lap, Chole was threading her fingers through her hair, her feet laid over Peter legs and settled on Marc's, Adrien sat on the floor in front of Felix a hand rest on her back and everyone gathered around as close as possible trying to physically reassure her. Luka was even humming softly. She appreciated all the love amd support she had and soon she was feeling much better. Eventually it turned into a puppy pile napping session and if she ended up curled up between Peter and Felix? Eh, nobody said anything.

It was these series of events that led to their newest and by far strangest addition to their friend group. Here it was, two days after Damian's announcement and here in front of her stands no other than Jonathan Kent, Damian's best friend.

"Hey, Mari. It's been a while, huh?" She could admit Jon looked nervous. The way he wouldn't meet her eyes and how his hand was rubbing his neck. But him bring nervous did nothing to calm her nerves about why he was even here.

Marinette took a deep breath and drew as much of her inner Ladybug as she could. "Why are you here, Jonathan?"

Jon flinched at how she used his full name. "I'm so sorry, Nette. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't push harder. You were my friend too. I should have checked on you. Damian was such a good liar, I never knew. I should have known but I didn't and that doesn't excuse the fact that I wasn't there for you." Jon took a deep breath and finally met her eyes before speaking again. "But I'm going to do better, Nette. Whatever you need just say the word. Even if it means leaving. When we saw your interview Dad told Uncle Bruce to make sure his family was in order especially his youngest. He didn't give any details and Uncle Bruce got offended. I guess he did end up talking to Damian, but Damian doubled down on his lies and his family is believing him. But I know better because I saw what you said and I know even that wasn't the whole truth. So I want you to know I'm on your side."

Marinette was silent for a minute she study him and his words. The way she was looking at him made Jon feel like his whole soul was being judged, but he didn't dare look away. He needed her to know he meant it and that he was truly sorry for not being for. After a minute that felt like hours Marinette smiled softly at him. "I could always appreciate a hug from a friend." She held her arm open and Jon surged forward and hugged her tightly lifting her off the ground.

Marinette giggled a bit before he set her down. "Thanks, Jon for being here for me. I know Damian is you best friend-"

"He lost that right when he decided to lie to me repeatedly for his own benefit." Jon looked uncharacteristically upset at the fact.

"Well if you're in need of some more good friends, I know a group you should meet. Come on, we're about to have a pool day. I'm sure I have some swim trunks I've designed that you could probably fit. "

After they changed intl their respective swimwear, Mari led Jon to her Uncle Tony's pool where the rest of her friends were already waiting. "Hey guys! I'd like you to meet my friend Jon. He's in need of some good company."

Those who recognized Jon looked up surprised before see his nervous fidgeting and hearing Marinette's last sentence before nodding in understand. It was Peter who spoke up first. "Well any friend of Mari's is welcome with us. Come on we were about to play chicken fight!" And just like that their pool party was in swing. The played a couple pool games and had some snacks before Marinette decided to play some music. Soon a familiar tune was playing over the speakers.

When Rome's in ruins

It was Chole who started singing along first sitting laying on one of the pool chairs. In between Alix and Kagami.

We are the lions

Free of the colosseum.

In fields of poison

We're anitvenom

We're the beginning of the end.

Soon Alix was singing the next part as Chloe finished the first part.

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds

It's all over now

Before it has begun

We've already won

Luka was quick to pick up the chorus while trying to get everyone to join in with him.

We are wild

We are like young volcanoes

While everyone was distracted with singing Luka had Adrien and Jon sneak with him behind the girls in the pool chair. Each of them grabbed one and threw them in the water. Luka grabbed Kagami, Adrien grabbed Chloe and Jon grabbed Alix.

We are wild

Americana, exotica

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

As everyone else's singing tapered off into laughing, Marinette picked up the next part solo as she walked to the diving board and climbed up.

Come on, make it easy, say I never mattered

Run it up the flag pole,

She ended her singing with a cannonball into the pool. Peter picked it up from his place in Felix's arms.

We will teach you how to make boys next door out of assholes

He sung his verse looking at Felix the whole time, who scoffed jokingly when Peter winked at him, but gave a him a kiss after he was done singing. Marc and Nathaniel picked up where he left off dueting together.

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds

And it's all over now

Before it has begun

We've already won

Soon everyone was singing along again to the chorus playing around splashing each other.

We are wild

We are like young volcanoes

We are wild

Americana, exotica

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

Soon everybody had calmed down slightly singing a little quieter. Marinette her self was floating on her back towards the center of the pool. Smiling at all her support around her.

We are wild

We are like young volcanoes

We are wild

Americana, exotica

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

As the song ended Jon was the first to speak. "What the fuck is in the water in Paris that makes y'all so talented?"

Peter laughed as he easily agreed, "That's what I said!"

Adrien chuckled at the Americans in their group antics. "To be fair, Felix is from London and Kagami is from Japan."

"Still! That is crazy. And Marinette I never knew you could sing like that!" Jon looked over towards the bluenette, his eyes softening at her.

Marinette giggled. "Neither did the rest of the world until Neon Titanium featured in Luka's last single."

"What?!" Jon exclaimed. "You're Neon Titanium?! I loved that song! Nette you're even more amazing than I thought."

Luka threw his hand up saying "Here, here." Making Marinette blush as all her friends joined in on complimenting her.

About a 3 weeks later, Marinette found herself working on a dress for her debut as Neon Titanium which uncle Tony insisted she do at a gala he's throwing. Which she suspects he's throwing just for her to debut because there was absolutely no gala planned before.

That was what she was doing when Jon, Felix, and Peter found her. It didn't take long for Jon to fit in with group. And with how often he stayed with them in New York instead of going back to Metropolis, no one was surprised when he started dating Peter and Felix. Marinette was happy for them even though it seemed like everyone was in happy relationships but her. But she knew she still had some things to work out before returning to the dating scene.

As they approached Marinette paused her sketching to look at her friends. "What's up guys? You needed something?"

The 3 boys looked at each other before Peter spoke up. "Yeah, actually. We wanted to tell you something." He rubbed the back of his neck before letting out a sigh. "We like you Marinette. A lot. And we would love for you to date us."

Marinette could feel the rejection on her tongue, but before she could say a word Jon cut her off.

"Let us finish first Nette. Please. After we're done you can tell us to never bother you again, but just let us get this out." Jon pleaded at her. Marinette just nodded and let them continue.

"We all like you a lot," Felix started his words very sincere. "But we all know that your still healing. We only told you because we thought it would be fair for you to know."

It almost seemed as they had planned and rehearsed for this because Peter effortlessly picked up after Felix. "We're not trying to guilt you into dating us because at the end of the day it is still you decision. And we know it may be some time before your ready to even consider dating us, but we're willing to wait."

Jon grabbed her hands as he prepared to finish them out. "We just want you to know how amazing we think you are. We'll be beyond lucky if you decide to date us when you're ready to make that choice. And until you are we're still your friends and we'll continue helping you heal and be better how ever you want us to. And if you decide you don't see us that way we'll still be some of your closest friends because having you in our lives is a blessing Nette."

Soon they all seemed to be holding one of her hands as they finished what they had to say. Marinette had silent tears streaming down her face, but the big smile she had eased away their worries. She pulled them into a tight hug for a moment before pulling back.

"You guys are the absolute best friends a girl can have." She smiled at them gratefully. "You're right that I'm not ready yet, but when I am, you guys will be the first people I consider dating. Promise. Now do you guys wanna see the designs I'm considering for my reveal?"

As the boys gathered around Marinette for her to show them her sketchbook she thought to herself with a smile.

I might not be quite okay yet, but with all the great people I have on my side, I know I will be soon.

#dc x miraculous #marivenger #maribat salt #marijon #felinette #spideybug #ex daminette #OT4 YALL #ITS A COMING #Am i projecting my poly ass?#yes yes i am #give me 3 SOs to love and be loved by dammit!#im a hot mess #maribat #Neon Titanium

247 notes · View notes

delicateisfearless-blog · 5 years

Text

Stranger Things Review |Season One

So I have just finished the first season of stranger things and I loved it. I had considered watching it in the past, but I thought it would be not as good or just another Riverdale (no shade! But they do drag some things out!!) But I think because the show has like eight episodes that's why it wasn't all over the place. Like the way it was written and the way it was shown to us was just perfect. I felt that we did see all the important characters equally, other shows have a hard time doing that but I really think this show did pretty well at keeping us with everyone each episode.

I would love to talk about every part of this first season but that would take days if I did that and I really need to start on season two. So I'll try to make this review as short and sweet as possible.

The Mother Who Believed

Joyce was one of the characters that truly stuck out this first season. Not only is she the first one to believe all the stuff that is happening, but she believed--or she knew that Will was alive. She isn't selfish in finding her son, she wants him back but she still told El to let her know if she couldn't handle being there long. Despite the fact her life is far from perfect she is a good mother who loves her boys and that's clear.

The females written this season (Joyce, El, and Nancy) were all strong women and I loved that. They had vulnerable moments for sure but that doesn't take away anything. Strong women can show emotion, they can be vulnerable. Joyce wasn't the woman who wanted to be saved, she figured out Lonnie and got him out of there.

Joyce is played by Winona Ryder who I first remember seeing in Bettlejuice as Lydia. (If y'all haven't seen that movie your tasteless af. I don't make the rules y'all!) I think if somebody else had taken on Joyce, then the character wouldn't have been brought to life as much as Winona plays her. Winona honestly had me bawling my eyes out in so many scenes, her talent is just saw raw, real and beautiful.

Even when she was in the most dire of situations she still refused to cower in fear. She didn't care. She had one job to do and that was to bring Will home. And at the end that's what exactly happens, I was crying when he came back and she had me in absolute tears---I'm crying writing this.

The Sister That Lost

Nancy was my favorite character this entire season. I knew before I actually watched that she would be, it was this vibe I got with her. The character isn't by any means perfect---she's this teenaged girl who just wants the guy and to matter. She's a teenager so she is intended to not always make the most calculated decisions, but still she was a major badass this season.

I think Nancy is a little naive in the beginning and even Barb sees that. But I think after she takes the next step with Steve The Shamer (sorry I'm still salty he and his friends pulled that sh*t!), Barb going missing, and the argument with Jonathan makes her realize that she is in fact being naive with chasing after somebody with horrible taste in friends.

There's this scene in the finale where she is smiling at the boys all being reunited. She's smiling but you see it fall and in that moment I just knew she thought Barb, and how she couldn't be reunited with her because she was gone. Her one true friend was dead and she had lost.

What I loved most about Nancy is that she wasn't scared. When it came down to it she went along with Jonathan---it was even her idea to go through with it--she wanted to get rid of it. I do think apart of her wanted to do it to protect Mike, but it was clear the main reasoning was justice for Barb.

The Superhero

El is introduced as this girl with these magnificent powers. She doesn't really know much about the world or what a lot of things mean. She starts learning stuff through Mike by starting off with friend. She doesn't really talk much but we do learn a lot about her as the episodes go on.

We see the brilliant and talent Millie Bobby Brown give off a spectacular performance as we see flashbacks to what she went through and just why she's trying to leave it all behind. I think Winona Ryder was the powerful actress this season, but Millie isn't far behind. When Mike pushes her away from him you see just how hurt she is and that she doesn't really understand. Her portrayal of El was just heartbreaking. She took on this role of this tragic girl who has had to deal with some horrible monsters and gave her hope, and then she lost that hope because she knew she had to take away the monster that was hurting her friends.

The Heartbroken Man

Jim Hopper is a character I wasn't sure what to think of at first. He came off as arrogant but we soon learn that he's this man that is completely lost and heartbroken in the world. As the season progresses we see more of Hopper and we learn that he has lost his daughter Sarah due to cancer.

In his flashbacks we see what appears to be a strong man who is positive. But when we see him by himself he is this broken man crying on hospital stairs because she's sick. I think what drives him to want to save Will is his daughter, it's as if he has this second chance to save somebody's child from dying.

I really fell in love with the character by the end of the season. He was great, a true asset to the series. Without him I don't think they would have had that chance to get Will back. He and Joyce really made a great team and I loved watching them work together.

Oh you should know that David Harbour going to be in the new Hellboy and Blackwidow. I have no idea if Hellboy is out yet but if you like the actor wait for them, I know so many people have waited for Blackwidow movie for years and the fact he's in it might add to the excitement.

The Photographer

Jonathan is a character that I was looking out for. I knew a spoiler and I was scared to watch the scene because I was afraid I would cringe. It's the scene where Steve breaks his camera, it was a well acted scene between the two males who are clearly after Nancy's heart. I think what Jonathan did was um a stranger thing to do--get it?

But he's weird. He's a weirdo, but I don't want to call anyone out here. (Riverdale.) This is how you write a weird socially awkward character. You have them act like this (not the camera thing, that's got nothing to do with being socially awkward.) But there are scenes where we see Jonathan putting up signs and you can just tell this is how he is. You don't need him to proclaim it outloud as him "being weird" you just know he is.

I actually really liked the Jonathan character once we got past the photos. He is this guy who helps around the house, cooks and tries to bring in extra cash. You see just how much family means to him---we see just how different his home life is compared to Nancy's. Nancy's family for sure isn't suffering but they aren't really all that close, but we see that Jonathan had a bond with his brother where they would listen to music together. I think the only thing in common is that there's complication between parents.

And as the season progressed I found myself loving him and Nancy over Nancy and Steve. I am looking forward to what's next for them in season two seeing as it was hinted in the finale something will arise between them at some point.

The Self-Sabotaging Jerk

Steve Harrington. I didn't really like him this season. I thought that he was pretty awful to Nancy this season. I'm not saying he didn't have his "good guy" moments. But he laughed when his friends cracked jokes and mocked her for taking the next step with him and then the slutshaming thing just really didn't set well with me either.

In the finale when he is cuddled up next to Nancy I felt nothing. I didn't feel happy they were together, it just felt like him slutshaming her was overlooked. I know she most likely forgave him by this point but I still didn't feel happy by it. But people said he will grow on me eventually. So I'm not saying I'll never like him, I just feel disappointed in him is all.

I think his problem is that he self sabotages good things in his life. I think he does this by wanting to be in with the right crowd and feel accepted into that life. But I think most likely based on some of the scenes that almost losing Nancy and getting punched he realized that he can't be that person anymore.

I did feel bad for him in the scene where his friends are being horrible to him. I think that's the most I felt bad for him, I didn't care about his selfish worries after Barb went missing. But I am open to seeing what they do with the character and how they'll get me to fall in love with him.

Boys On A Mission

The Party consists of the boys: Mike, Will, Dustin, and Lucas. And now El seems to be a member but seeing as I've discussed her already I'll leave her out of this one. So Mike is very loud in personality and I think that's what people love about the character. I didn't expect to like the character as much as I did, but the thing about this show is you don't hate the main characters, or I couldn't at least. They are all complicated and as the series goes you kind of see that. I did think Mike was a little selfish and didn't consider how his friends (mainly Lucas) was dealing with everything. But I still love the character and the actor did such a good job with the character.

I did kind of feel like Lucas and Dustin weren't really going to be that significant at first which is crazy because they do in fact appear a lot. I think what made me believe that is because Mike did become really involved with El, so I could understand why Lucas was jealous at first. But the fact that Mike became obsessed with El didn't take away Dustin or Lucas, they were still there. Annoyed but still there.

I do think Lucas was harsh with her but I understand that he was scared to trust letting anyone else into the party. Dustin has a very follow the leader type personality but that won't stop him from telling his friends like it is or calling them out on their sh*t.

Will is very interesting. He is bullied for being more I guess feminine and called fairy. Although he is possibly on the feminine side (we didn't really see much of him. He was barely in the season seeing as he was in the Upside Down) but that doesn't necessarily mean he is gay. I think the fact that showing this character be called these names and in his brother's room listening to music to block it out was one of the saddest things. Whether or not the character is gay doesn't matter, it's great if he is it's fine if he isn't. I think this character is a example to what is against toxic masculinity, guys thinks it's weak to cry or do more feminine stuff.

I think the lengths the party would go for one another is beautiful and what true friendship looks like. And I can't wait to see what's in store for these buds in season 2!

And with that...

So I think I covered all the important characters. Maybe I should have said something on Karen Wheeler... So right quick I had seen people talking about her before as not being the best mother. But she actually was a pretty good mother, she spent the entire season trying to get her children to open up to her and she worried about them nonstop. So Karen was a pretty good mother and I actually really liked her. My favorite mom on the show is still Joyce, but Karen is a close second.

And with that I just want to say that this season was one of the best I've ever seen of any show in this type of genre. Thank you and have a beautiful time and I hope to be on season 3 in a few days :)))))

#Stranger Things #Joyce Byers #Jim Hopper #Mike Wheeler #Eleven #Jane Ives #Dustin Henderson #Lucas Sinclair #Nancy Wheeler #Jonathan Byers #Karen Wheeler #Will Byers #Steve Harrington

8 notes · View notes

takaraphoenix · 5 years

Text

Review: 3x15 - To the Night Children

Heidi... was annoying. Honestly, how are there so many older vampires in New York and literally not a single one of them thinks “Mh, been around for a couple decades/centuries. Know that challenging the Clave is not a good idea. Maybe I should remove this fledgling vampire from being in charge?”...? Like? How is this even a thing??

How are all of those more experienced vampires letting this girl play them like this...? I just... damn. That’s such a shallow world-building there.

Honestly love how Maia took care of that one. That was... a damn good scene and also clever. Not to mention, you literally can't charge Maia with anything. All she did was inject water into her own veins. When a vampire attacks her, then that's on them.

I really do like that we learn more about the Institute though! World building! I appreciate it! So they have a large cafeteria. Does that mean they have Shadowhunters who are solely cooks then? I'm genuinely curious about this. Are there more careers than just soldier and politician?

How. Is. Luke. Arrested?? They have been tailing him for a while now. And... they really think he managed to sneak off and slaughter everyone in the restaurant he owns??

There is literally no evidence on Luke doing this? This should not stick and Luke now playing the martyr on it feels and smells a lot like “Well. We have barely been using Luke all of last season and we kinda have no use for him so uh let's shelve him in prison I guess??”, because that's what this show does when it runs out of plotlines for a character. Just write them off. Urgh.

How are Alec and Isabelle so insanely unprofessional though? I mean, seriously, how can Isabelle not keep a poker-face and wear her opinion on Heidi on her sleeve like that? You play them, you don't just flat-out say every single thing you think during an interrogation? And Alec just the same, all the faces he kept making at Isabelle. It's like they have zero training in interrogation.

Someone explain Underhill to me though. He was friendly with Alec this whole time we've known him now? And suddenly he makes snide remarks behind Alec's back? Had they given that like to Raj, who has shown such characteristics before in the show, but this convenient “What actors aside from the main six do we have on scene today? Let's just slap this plot and these lines onto them so we don't have to pay anyone else for being there!” is a serious problem for this show.

Magnus' reaction to Underhill's comment on their relationship was so inappropriate though. Like Alec isn't allowed to have friends and talk to them about their relationship? Honey, have you forgotten that you yourself went on a drinking and dancing spree with Dot when your problems started and she nearly kissed you and you never told Alec about this? So, maybe be a little less judgmental that Alec talks about his personal relationship problems with a friend... regardless of how long he's known that friend. Like, “Underhill is attractive so it bothers me”, uhm “You dated Dot and she tried to kiss you as soon as you opened up to her... and that kinda bothers me” would be a really great comeback if Alec knew about this whole scene...

Jealousy can be cute. When someone is actively hitting on your partner and you get protective, that is cute. When your partner has friends and confides about personal problems in his friends and you act like he shouldn’t do that, then that is not the cute kind of jealousy at all. That is the alarmbells go off in my head kind of jealousy.

Okay, here's a really stupid thing: If I were Jace I would most definitely not just hug Aline and accept her words. Jonathan shapeshifted into Sebastian and played you all. Jonathan literally just shapeshifted into Jace to play them all. A face you know suddenly returns to the Institute without you having been notified about it before? Let's do some check-ups and do that weird stone-thingy that Clary had done to check Sebastian's identity. Actually, let's just... always do that, just to make sure. I would just at this point be way too paranoid to just hug people and share info with them??

Let's put the complete lack of security protocols and caution aside, I like Aline and I'm glad she's back. I mean, I'm generally glad to get more on the characters around the main characters. And a hot, angry sword lesbian is always a great addition to everything, really.

And she is also really very right. Because Clary didn't just beat her up, Clary completely lost control of herself. And y'all gotta be more weary about that. Losing control of your body is kind of a problem on this show and it usually gets female characters killed on this show!

So... a huge plotline this season... is that Isabelle investigates the Clave for torturing Downworlders, but... she still goes and arrests Raphael to hand him over to the Clave? Like, that's a thing that happened, yeah? Really? Because that was the moment where she should have just shouted “RUN” and let him escape this time, because seriously you are literally investigating that they're torturing Downworlders and Raph is a Downworlder. What the fuck.

Also, I need book-readers to reassure me that Jonathan is more than just an incestuously horny little bitch please? Because... honestly... I was kinda looking forward to villain!Jonathan. A layered villain though, due to his history. But... he doesn't... really... villain all that much? He just wants to bang his sister and does his best to get her and literally nothing else? It's a bit... uh... disappointing.

HOLY FUCKING BULLSHIT. Magnus and Alec literally had the conversation about moving in like not a month ago. And Magnus was actually being reasonable that it's way too soon to permanently live together. But of course was Magnus losing his loft literally only happening so they could further the ship, because every single bad thing that happens to Magnus really does only serve the purpose of Ma/ec. What the actual fuck.

Jace just makes me... tired at this point. Honestly, how are these writers getting paid to write? We fanfiction writers would do it better for free! This boy has been through nearly all the traumatic experiences possible at this point. We had him cry about it in the first episode, but then he got his girlfriend back and Suddenly Magically He Was Healed. No more crying, no more breakdowns, no further backlash from his mental illness. There... There is literally nothing I find more disgusting than when writers think that True Love can cure trauma and mental illness. That is not how either of those work, you absolute fuckers. And to then, additionally, use Jace as Clary’s emotional crutch because she has been through “so much”? Fuck you, dudes, just fuck you hard.

If you are too inexperienced a writer to properly deal with the emotional toil that trauma has on characters, then you should just not put them through said trauma. It’s just genuinely offensive at this point toward anyone who’s ever actually suffered in any form, because you’re acting like “Well, get yourself a hot girlfriend! It’ll make everything better *lol*” is an actual solution.

Why can’t you treat trauma with respect? And teach a responsible and respectful way of dealing with it? Instead of just using it for raw, pure shock-value and then just brushing it under the rug and having the characters continue on like nothing ever happened afterward?

The TL;DR of it all:

Thank the gods and Maia for ending the Heidi plotline

Luke Garroway deserves better, what the fuck

Jealousy can be cute. It most definitely is not cute when your boyfriend confides about personal problems to a friend. This was A Bad Ma/ec Episode

Aline is wonderful, I need more of her, please don’t just shelve her again when you don’t know what to do with her

Raphael Santiago deserves better, what the fuck

Jonathan, you little creep

Jace Herondale deserves better, stop putting him through trauma and then not dealing with it but making him deal with other people’s trauma, you asshats

#Shadowhunters #Shadowhunters Spoilers #Phoe Being Salty #so so salty #Phimmy Watching Shadowhunters #well #I was solo on this one...

17 notes · View notes

babybluelukex · 6 years

Text

I love you

Summary: I don't know if this has been done before, but maybe - Billy starts falling for the reader, and when he realizes this he becomes frustrated with himself?

Requested by: @metalgeardragon

Word count: 2070

Warnings: fighting, angst, douche bag Billy

A/N: hey y'all. I'm writing this on my iPad again since it's easier to type and a lot faster lmao. Thank you so much for requesting this! I love the idea of a very soft Billy. Don't forget, requests are still open! This will be in the readers POV and this is in a slightly different time zone, about a month before Halloween.

Lots of love -Kayla :-)

\ \ \ \

I quickly shoved on my jacket and grabbed my purse, snatching my Walkman on my way out of my room. I could hear the arguing between my parents still happening loud and clearly. At dinner, my dad had asked me about school, my grades, and 'if my lonely ass got a boyfriend yet', while making it very clear that he believes I'm uncap-able to be loved- since he blames me for my parents dying love. I stayed silent like usual just to avoid even more conflict. He usually leaves it at the comments and doesn't expect me to say anything back, but tonight was different.

He slammed his fists on the table to gain my attention, almost screaming my name. I shot my head up to look at him, wondering who the fuck pissed in his cornflakes. "What? What do you want me to say, huh? Don't you think I already have enough fucking problems," I seethed and scooted my chair back. As I stood up, my dad shot out of his chair and gripped my shoulders and shoved me into the dining room wall, our noses touching. "Don't you fucking ever, ever, use that tone with me. Do you understand?" He said calmly, which scared me shitless even more. All I did was stare at him and kept my mouth in a tight line, testing him even more. "I said do you understand!?" He shouted this time, shoving me back into the wall.

"Yes sir."

As soon has he took his hands off of my shoulders, I ran to the stairs, skipping every other step to get the fuck out of doge.

My parents were too engrossed in the fighting that they hadn't even noticed my disappearance. I shoved my headphones over my ears and began walking, to who the hell knows, and tried to calm myself down. This has been a nightly routine for my parents and I. Being an only child means having the attention focused on you, all the mistakes and accidents taken way too seriously, and being my dad's own punching bag for his anger. My mom has always sat on the sidelines, not even trying to get in between to tell my dad how out of line he was. She sat and stared, not even asking if I'm okay after the fact.

Focusing on my own thoughts instead of my surroundings, I seen a blue car in my peripheral vision. I slowly turned my head and see a guy with slightly brown curls, yelling something out of the window. "Um, hello?" I spoke out, removing my headphones from my ears. "You alright out here?" The stranger asked, coming to a complete stop once I turned to face his car. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just needed to get away for a minute," I smiled, beginning to place my headphones back onto my head. "Hey, wait. I can drive you around so you won't have to walk. Pretty girl like you shouldn't be walking out here alone." He smirked. "Oh, li,e that isn't what creepy men say to young girls," I snort. "Oh come on. I needed a minuet to get away too. Let me drive you around."

I shoved my Walkman into my purse and climbed into the car, placing my purse on the floor of the car and buckling myself in. I turned to the guy and held my hand out, smiling. "I'm Y/N, by the way." He gripped my hand back and did a slight nod with a small and tight smile. "Billy. Billy Hargrove. Nice to meet you." I recognized his name, him being a new student at Hawkins. "Oh, so you're the new kid. Nice to meet you," I laughed, facing towards the front of the car and got relaxed, not knowing how long this car ride would be.

"Yeah and gonna be taking over 'King Steve's' spot," he smirked and shifted the car into drive. "That'll depend how well you can do a keg stand. You going to Tina's Halloween party? I'll be going." I smiled and bumped my shoulder with his. "Well, since you're going, looks like I have to."

The rest of the car ride was him talking about California, his stepsister 'who isn't his stepsister'. He asked about my life, if I have siblings and what my parents were like. I told him about how wonderful my mom was, even though in certain situations, she wasn't as great. "What kind of situations?" He cocked his head and looked at me. "Well, that'll be another story for another time." I smiled and patted his right hand. "Oh? There's going to be another time?" He smirked and licked his bottom lip. I blushed and nodded, letting a small 'yeah'.

I told him the directions of my house, letting out some breath I didn't realize I was holding. Billy seemed to noticed and grabbed my bicep to look at him. "Hey, if there's something going on, you can tell me, you know." He smiled and rubbed my arm. "Okay, thanks Billy." I said and hopped out of his car and climbed my way up on the side of my house, to my bedroom window. I waved at Billy as he sped off down the street.

\ \ \ \

Ever since that night, Billy and I had become closer each day. Two days after the night in his car, he showed up at my window at 11:30 at night with bruises on his cheeks on chest, looking like a lost puppy. He spent the night that night, not wanting to go back to the monster named Neil. I told him that night about my own father, how he will hurt me emotionally, but never crossing the boundary of physically hurting me. We had a sort of, heart to heart, that night.

After that, he came back almost every night, spending the night with me and crying on my chest while I run my fingers through his hair. Billy had become someone I can confide in, put my trust in him, and be his backbone.

I had two of his jackets that I use to sleep with at night, as a way to comfort myself for the days he doesn't come over. Billy and I have never talked about how we feel, or how I feel, since Billy doesn't seem to feel how I do. In a romantic way, I want Billy. But in every single way there is, I need him. I have never needed someone as bad as I do him. He is my world at this point.

\ \ \ \

It was Tuesday, October 31, the date of Tina's party. I walked up to Billy's locker and leaned against it, flashing him my big smile. "Hey, you excited about the party tonight?" I smirked, noticing his eyes lit up with excitement. "Hell yeah. This is the night to get shitfaced and have a good time," he smiled and slung his arm over my shoulder. "Are you excited?" He asked me. "Jonathan Byers had asked me if I would go with him since Nancy flaked out and decided to ditch him for Steve. I smiled, but became worried when I seen Billy's face. He immediately removed his arm from my shoulders and took a step away, his face twisting in annoyance and betrayal. "I thought we were going together." He seethed, face becoming red. "Billy, I'm still going with you, you don't have to worry about that," I smiled in hopes of making the situation better in any way.

He shook his head and began to walk away, shooting daggers at me. "No, go with Jonathan. I don't give a fuck who you go with." He sneered at me, disappearing down the hallway. I stood there in shock, not knowing how to handle his reaction. Before I turned around to go to my last class of the day, Billy slammed his fists against a locker and screamed out a broken 'fuck!'

I slowly walked home later that day, not sure if I was in the party mood at this point. Jonathan has always been a friend of mine and Billy knew that. He knew it was nothing more than platonic, especially with Jonathan being in love with Nancy Wheeler from a far. All I could picture was the look on Billy's face, as if I had slapped him across the face once I told him about Jonathan asking me to go with him. I never meant to upset him, especially with how strong my feelings are for him.

I walked threw the front door of my house and ran up the stairs to go straight to my room, not even bothering to pick out a costume for the party. I changed into some slick black skinny jeans with a bright yellow hoodie, and some solid black Doc Martens with yellow shoelaces to match my hoodie. It was nearing seven o'clock and Jonathan had pulled out in front of my house, honking the horn twice. I ran out to his car and jumped in, heading towards Tina's house. Once we had arrived, I noticed Billy's blue Camaro already there, front and center.

Jonathan and I walked threw the door, noticing it was completely packed full of people dancing, drinking, and talking. I noticed Steve and Nancy in the middle of the dance floor, singing along to the random song playing throughout the house. I looked over at Jonathan, silently asking if he would be okay with talking to Steve and Nancy, despite the awkward situation. He nodded and gave me a small smile, placing his hand on my back as he led us through the crowd. Nancy was first to notice us and pulled me into a hug, squeezing me a little too tight. I waved at Steve with a small smile planted on my lips. “Hey, where's Billy? I thought you guys were coming together,” she spoke curiously.

As soon as those words left Nancy’s mouth, Billy walked through the back sliding doors and waltz up to us, nudging his shoulder with Jonathan's harder than needed. “Well look who we have here,” he spoke loudly, grabbing our attention. “How is it partying with the infamous Y/N? I'm surprised she is even here, considers how everything is at home.” He smirked, knowing that hurt me in a way no one but him would understand. “Billy,” I said with a look. “She was supposed to be my date, you know. It you just had to ask her, didn't you?” He seethed at Jonathan, causing him to walk backwards due to the tension,

After having enough, I grabbed Billy's arm and dragged him with me to the empty hallway. “Seriously, Billy? What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I yelled, pushing him to the wall. “Why would you bring that up in front of everyone? I have never done something that shady to you, so why do it to me? Especially after everything I have helped you with!” He shook his head and took a step towards me. “No, Y/N, you don't understand," he stuttered and reached out to grab me. “Oh really, I don't understand? Please enlighten me, Billy.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, letting his hands fall to his side. “I fucking love you okay? That's why I acted the way I did earlier. You don't see it, Y/N. I've tried to get you out of my head but it's so damn hard since you're everything I want and need. I'm a fucking asshole.” He shouted, hands gripping mine.

“I just want you to feel the same way towards me, even though I shouldn't even feel this way towards you. It won't go away and I'm fucking tired of acting like everything's okay.” I grabbed his cheeks and brought his lips to might, his hands going to my hips. Once I pulled away, I couldn't help but smile, pulling on his hair slightly. “I fickimg love you too, Billy.” I smiled, planting a kiss on his chin. “Oh. Well shit, I don't know what to do now.” He joked, pulling me to his chest. “Let's start with you asking me to be your girlfriend.” I laughed.

“Alright. Well, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, kissing the top of my head. “Thought you would never ask,” I smile and pulled his lips back on to mine.

268 notes · View notes

chaoscrystals · 7 years

Text

Every note in my fone 21

Nobody can see me sometimes by nova luz Nobody can see me sometimes and other times everyone's staring glaring, like they can't get enough of me till I sink into my misery then its rough and ill see you later when your eyes aren't swollen His name was dean we met on a bus I never forgot his name. Prickles my senses and feeling so sensitive Lying in bed again It all hurts my head Who is he and when will we be together again? So who cares if he's watching who's picking my senses my senses are prickly my senses are feeling * He's probably thinking of me I can feel his thoughts in my head. This reality is split and no one wants to agree on anything. My nervous system is trying to tell me something. My headache is from sugar. The singer from guerilla toss was in the hospital. I have never met her. Sometimes being around people makes me feel constricted rigid ct ct sharp edges digging in from my sides, what I wanted to be might not be enough, brave and full, laying on the grass, I sweat and sweat and miss my mark, I lay in the grass again. These houses are abandoned but I can leave them dying in the street, at the very least a shelter says the hippie but I leave them dying in the street, the only words I will ever need are happening now, breaking broken chain link rusted I wanna break em break em poison ire green rusted water I can leave them dying in a street I have ten glass towers I can just leave them be their dying in the street, they're dying in your home, they're dying in the street but I just leave them be * Skin melting off Gold Fire His voice in my head His hand on my belly My whole body hurts But he can save me I'm a blessing not in disguise I want to be aligned with The universal truth And singing is how I'm gonna do it * The way that most people treat their kids is insane and wrong. They act like they are not complete beings when they totally are. In order to accept the wholeness of a kid, I have to be able to understand how they fit in to the fabric of the universe. In order to be able to work with kids I have to just be who I am without barriers. Sounds like a tall order. I see a parallelogram. I see a bunch, flashing different colors in my mind.bdbdbdbbdbdbbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbbdbdbdbdbbddbdbdbbddbdbbdbdbdbbdbdbdb * Stutter stutter nutter butter Embarrasing waving flags again But he don't know what its really all about Evil incarnate get your hands off the wheel You're not driving I am Everything weighs the same I'm just waiting for my coffee * Medium term goals: Make 500 dollars Get electronic drum kit Get small acoustic guitar Get band together Get job teaching kids * My heart is blue. I am sad and lonely. Seeking out something, anything or anyone that could relieve me of the strain, of feeling like no ones on my side. My green arm is dying. Umbilical cord feeding tube yellow fluid past life. Please someone notice me. All I need. Please someone notice me. Just some attention and ill be over the moon. Just a little attention from the man I have my eye on, the man I've got my eye on. Other girls * I like scrolling thru my facebook feed. If I didn't I wouldn't have seen all the posts about mental health awareness day and coming out day AND that I know a bunch of amazing people because I saw soooooo many hurricane relief benefits. I have 60 dollars set aside to donate, I just need to pick what I think is the best place to do it. So, in this week I want to make 2 late posts regarding these days because I want everyone to know about my life whose reading this: I think A LOTTT of people struggle with their mental health. Um I'm going to talk about my problems so here we go. I've had anxiety attacks since I was maybe 4 years old? I've hurt myself (not seriously but still hurt) during these episodes multiple times. I also had an eating disorder that I still struggle with sometimes. I get anxiety around food. I weighed 85 pounds at one point, I wanted to disappear and die. I weigh 125 now and I still want to disappear and die sometimes. * Rant alert What did I do to deserve to be into passive boys? Hah. Get mad about it. I feel like every time recently I've heard "I wanna get to know you better" it was a lie!! Nobody asks me out unless I don't want them to. Fucked. I feel so disappointed. Like are y'all afraid to approach women now? Do I seem that crazy? Maybe I'm old fashioned but I definitely identify primarily as a woman and I'm realizing it feels unnatural for me to initiate with guys. It like, hurts my soul. I'm so sick of this shit. I want a man who wants to buy me things. I hope this ruined your day fuck off unless you want to take me out and buy me things * Love and attachment I feel like I'm in a state of perpetual dizziness, or doom, I don't know what love is, my idea of love is a trade, freely given love. Just cause I don't have a band. I'm boiling over with jealousy, I'm fucked I'm in too deep I'm never going to meet the man of my dreams if I keep vibrating at this frequency. Narcissism is an excuse for poor boundaries. Jonathan doesn't care about me. I never really cared about him only his image and attachment Please grow an attachment to me Just kidding Not really I'm so desperately lonely. This is not the love I want. This is not what I agreeed to. I never asked to be born. * Fuck I'm addicted to weed and the internet I keep drowning out my own thoughts by internally shouting song lyrics..? * Its getting kind of ridiculous that I'm having so many problems cause I can't just ask for what I want straight up. This is connected to my jealousy of other women is connected to my feelings that every man that I like is seeing me . they are all somehow connected. Am I really...yes. What is so bad about just asking for what I want? Mom gets jealous and I am banished from the kingdom. It feels like. I can't have my own desires. What o want is incorrect I want to be different I want this all to make sense Why can't I ask for what I want if I know that? Why Jonathan doesn't ask me how I'm doing. Why I'm never going to be a regret. Or always. I don't know. What even is the point. Of a relationship. I can't force it. I don't want to force it. I don't want to clench my butthole whenever I ask him hi or think about it cause actually I never do * I wonder why I have all these coping mechanisms and what do they mean? Like getting Self conscious when I know people are looking. That's a coping mechanism because I learned that certain behaviors were always followed by punishment. Thank god for teal swan!! Madeline peyroux I can't blame you for all my insecure feelings. I should have touched your head. I wish I had the confidence to brush your hair with my hands * I love Jonathan hahaha he said he loves me in passing, said he cares about our friendship 1. what did you mean by a lot of people? I want names. 2. I'm sorry 3. So I'm just your friend? That's all you want? * Embrace a mistake Remember the mistake Take a break Have a laugh Take your time Take some of mine * I miss Jonathan. I want to grab his face and kiss it. Probably smell like food. This is so distracting. Did you ever want to be famous? Are you restless in your heart yet? Are you restless in your heart? Do you want to be alone? Do you want to run away as fast as you can? I'm desperately looking for anything that will distract me from the pain I feel I wish I could be everywhere at once and have all my friends together at once. And eat more chocolate ... Maybe have more sex. Maybe get a boyfriend and only fuck him. Maybe get a place together and pay rent Is it wrong of me to be thinking so far ahead? I just want to eat and sleep. To hell with achieving anything. I just want to sing and if I can sing ill be happy Singing in harmony. I just want to eat and sleep and ride my bicycle until this building collapses. I just want to sing and wail and cry and collapse I just want a partner, friends, a mate, a collective, a team and I want to love them deeply when I look into their eyes. I want everyone to look around and feel love. I'm distracted. Is it my fault that men are so perverted towards me? One day maybe I can read my diary entries to Jonathan and he will understand. That's a Hebrew name. He's so smart. One day maybe ill have a blue bell cast of silver to hang around my neck, green pastures and lavender linens, nothing to do but pick flowers and smell them. One day maybe ill have a cast iron sword. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you Te amo muito Its hard not to smile when I'm lost in my thoughts about you. Sometimes I'm taken by a shock of shame and I yelp. I think I'm trying to purge all the bad stuff out * Wow it's crazy I'm really excited to smoke weed and eat and be stagnant * Annie I want to marry you even in your sweet and bitter days, you're paving the pavement in central park The flowers are shining, they're catching your eye under the streetlights And I wish we were far away, we don't belong to this earth, Annie I want to marry you Even in your dark and bitter days, you're shining in the moonlight, what can it do to me? What can she do for me What can she do for me Forget the past Break the curse share prosperity Even if we had a relationship at all, would I want to be with you when I know you're fucking other people? No. For me to even consider that I would need to know that I was a priority in your life. But obviously I'm not. * If I really wanted it, i would have it, right? So why don't I? He lives in brooklyn He is avoidant (not imagining it) I can't be the initiator, I identify as female He lives in Brooklyn and "fucks a lot of people" He never messages me Except about shows (I think its endearing) Lives in stank ass brooklyn!!! Brooklyn I have deserving issues so I don't fully pursue the things that I want I have low self esteem so I stop myself from getting what I want. I want to be as close to him as I can get We just live far apart and in 2 different worlds. Its a happy coincidence for me that our paths crossed. Funny how badly I wanted to go to that show that I met him at. I guess I'm getting used to the intuitions by now. I had been fantasizing about the guitar player from fiasco for at least 2 years. Isn't life mystical? Now I met him and I think I'm in love. I feel like I love him. IM IN FUCKING LOVE WITH YOU. SORRY I KEEP MY DISTANCE. EYE FOR AN EYE EH? PLEASE DONT HATE ME Honestly I've never been more attracted to anyone in my life. I can't tell if this is good or bad. Sometimes it makes me cry. Sometimes I walk down the street unable to suppress a big smile because I'm thinking about them..and the fact they actually care about me..I'm so sorry baby. If i knew the answers I wouldn't be here. I love you to pieces, I love every one of your pieces. Are you going to love me to? I'm holding out to know. I keep trying to get to the bottom of these thoughts but I feel like I just barely made it below the surface, I feel forgetful and ditzy, honestly, all I want is for someone like Jonathan to be holding me. Fuck.I feel like such a fuck up because I can't handle my own life. I feel so alone.if I don't build a network of people I can trust to help me reach my goals, I will probably kill my self in one way or another. We can mutually fulfill each other... I feel like such a fuck up because I know I want Jonathan, and he knows it to..but we still never talk...wow it seems like he really cares. I wonder if its an act so he doesn't have to feel bad about himself. I know what I want but I don't have it..so there must be something wrong with me. To hell with achieving anything. I don't care. Maybe if I was a different kind of woman, I would hold his attention better Its like this crush and this relationship is bringing out the best and the worst in me. My intense jealousy came to the surface. In a big way. Everything's coming up * My most important checklist for a cool, hip establishment Nice live music/pays artists as a priority Purse hooks under the tables/bars * I guess this is hard for me to say and be coming to terms with. Most of my less-than-joyful emotions. I felt ignored in the scene for a while. I mean yeah, I didnt work as hard was some of the people I've met so there's that. I wonder how many people notice the insane white washing though. And why is Brooklyn suddenly the epicenter for all this? Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if this was uptown and/or by and for colored people Buut this whole Brooklyn thing is a bunch of white people!!! I bet a lot of people I k ow feel angry at seeing another same looking band of white people get the features I want Fuck this. Why am I lying to myself? * Mental health post: I missed this on mental health awareness day when everyone was doing it. But I still find myself wanting to share about my own mental health. Cause it's a topic that gets to me as many people close to me have received diagnoses of mental illness/disorder when I view them as just, normal. I just want to write it out. The only thing I've been diagnosed officially with was anorexia and bulimia, and that's because I collapsed and went to the hospital. Regular doctor visits made me uncomfortable cause I thought I was supposed to tell them, and of course they manage to lose my records every single time so I have to re-state all my allergies and everything every single time until I stopped going, which coincidentally was when I started to actually become healthy again. Yeah I had pretty debilitating back and stomach pain for a year because of what I was doing to myself by not eating enough and making myself vomit for months and even years. Now all those feelings are coming back, and I've lost almost 20 pounds the last few months, and I don't want to stop. I want to stabilize and be able to just enjoy eating and not try to get to size 0 again. Honestly I'm disgusted by most commercially available food and it makes me feel sick. I can't eat a lot of the things that are common for people to eat cause it legitimately makes me ill. After the first bout of eating disorder when I dropped to 85 pounds and my heart started to give up, after that I developed a lot of sensitivities that I didn't notice before. I was binge eating. I hated myself. Sometimes I still do. Part of me isn't going to give up, and I'm going to keep losing weight because I think it will make people notice me. I'm at a loss. I've been trying to reason myself out of feeling this way for months but nothing is working. I need attention desperately. I need to know that people think I'm beautiful. I was always a little reluctant to promote my image as a musician or otherwise (everyone kept telling me to) when I was extremely thin. Someone that I know became quite well known while having an eating disorder and honestly they looked skeletal and it disturbed me. I was torn with blinding jealousy because they were white and blonde and gap toothed and getting all these opportunities. I was upset because I realized how insensitive people are, and how people can be in immense pain and suffering right in their faces and they won't notice and will even glorify their image while doing nothing to help or even care. Maybe I thought I was a good person because I was intentionally holding back because I didn't want to be any kind of symbol to anyone when I knew how unhealthy my body and mind were. Maybe it wasn't worth anything because we can still have an oil spill in 2017 when energy alternatives are widely available and I have done nothing to help but lie on my bed and have anxiety attack after anxiety attack because I need people to see me but I don't find myself beautiful or pure enough to be worthy of being seen. All I see everywhere is suffering and I wish I could hold everyone the whole world in my heart so we can be together and never have to be alone again. When I get like this I resort to isolating myself. I don't want to re-live the whole thing again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not understanding. Im sorry I'm always too lost in my own thoughts to care. I'm sorry for all the animals that are being subjected to toxic environments and getting new sicknesses. I wish I could hold everyone in my heart.

0 notes

andyhollows · 7 years

Text

these are actually hella fucking cute y'all

I liked this questionnaire thing a while back ago and decided to finally answers these 100 questions. I’m making a different post than reblogging it with the answers so you’ll be able to see which answers are mine. Link for if you wish to read/take it yourself. :)

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I tend to have more milk than cereal even though I fill up my bowls to the top with cereal. XD 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I live in Florida so the coldest it gets is usually around 50-60 during the days and 20-30 at night, if we’re lucky. But, yes, I do, very much so. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I don’t read books, but back when I was in middle/high school, I used to just fold the edge of the book and using a pencil, put a dash where i last left off, or being an artist, I would create my own little bookmarks using a normal piece of paper. 4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

I don’t drink coffee/tea, I probably drink cappuccino and that’s only from WaWa’s when it’s cold enough and I usually put cream and like 2-4 packets of sugar in it. 5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Only when I haven’t brushed or recently ate something like lasagna or some sort of pasta. 6: do you keep plants?

No 7: do you name your plants?

If i don’t even own a plant, why would i name it? 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I usually just draw/sketch with a pencil 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Yeah, I tend to just lip sing to whatever music I’m listening to. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Yes lol I tend to toss and turn but I almost always end up on my back. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

I don’t really have any inner jokes i can think of at the top of my head. 12: what's your favorite planet?

Pluto, i don’t know why. 13: what's something that made you smile today?

I saw another post in my “likes” and I looked at the original post it came from and it came from Game Grumps and that made me laugh so hard. 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

Nice, for sure. It would probably just be all the walls would be white or some sort of light color and our furniture would be pretty modern and solid colors. We tend to have the same taste so it wouldn’t clash together. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

“All of space is completely silent...” 16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

Either Chicken Al’ Fredo or Spaghetti. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

Blue or Red would be pretty cool and i think i could pull it off 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

I don’t have any with friends, but with my family: i was like 14 years old and roleplaying with my current boyfriend, Jonathan, my brother and Ashley and my character was suppose to get pregnant but i didn't know how a pregnancy test was taken so i said i put it in my mouth and it came out positive and i came out of the restroom saying I'm pregnant and EVERYONE laughed! 12 years later, they haven’t let me live it down. 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I don’t have a journal but i have a ton of sketch books and they usually contain chibis or my OCs, myself, my best friend or my game characters and unfinished doodles. 20: what's your favorite eye color?

Green 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I don’t have a favorite bag, i’m not really the type to hold onto something like that, but my favorite bag right now is either my Domo backpack or my nightmare before christmas one. 22: are you a morning person?

No 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Sleep, watch TV/youtube videos and play video games 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Yes, my best friend, you know who you are :P 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

I’ve never broken into anything, unless you count just walking into unfinished houses in my neighborhood. 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

My flats are the shoes I’ve had forever but I don’t wear them anymore, instead i now mostly wear my sandals, only cause im lazy to put on socks and sneakers. 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

watermelon! 28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset, i feel sunrise will just start blinding me if i keep starring at it XD 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

When they’re totally dorking out over some comic book or some movie lol 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yes 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

Socks are alright. I usually stick to wearing solid color socks. I don’t sleep with socks cause when i do, because i toss and turn my socks slip off and it’s annoying. I own some white socks but i prefer colored ones. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

3AM... with friends? Uhhh... since most of my friends are online, i don’t really do much, cept talk about whatever unless we’re drunk 33: what's your fave pastry?

Any sort of cake! 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

I don’t have any stuffed animals i’ve had since i was a kid, most of them were given on my birthday or as a congratulations. The one i’ve had the longest is this cute little ghost i named Spooky and i got her on my birthday and i still have it. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I do like stationary stuff and pens, i always want all the pens, pencils, markers, highlighters, stickynotes, everything even if i don’t have a use for em. 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

I don’t know... probably some disney song LOL 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

i don’t LIKE keeping my room a mess, im just fucking lazy 38: tell us about your pet peeves!

when they happen, i’ll let you know, i can’t think of any at the top of my head. 39: what color do you wear the most?

black 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

i don’t wear jewelry, cept earrings and the ones i own are gifts from Christmas so don’t really have a story. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

i don’t read books :D i only read manga XD but if that counts, Horimiya 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

Again, i don’t drink coffee so i don’t know of any coffee shops. 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

My family....? like a decade ago lol we were mostly trying to look at the meteor shower 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

uhhh.... umm... >.> geez.. that’s tough, had to have been before becoming a teenager! 45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yes, they have yet to let me down. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

i don’t know any puns, i’m not a punny person! and no im not trying to be funny 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

i don’t know XD im picky but i’m not like totally disguested with a type of food... maybe oysters? 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

my biggest fear as a kid was pretty much the “monster under my bed” thing, i never liked leaving my foot hanging off the side of my bed, i always ran and jumped onto my bed after turning off the lights, etc. to this day, no that fear is gone, now it’s bugs XD 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i never bought a CD/record in my life, i usually just had a friend or my mom burn me one 50: what's an odd thing you collect?

i don’t really collect anything specific, i do tend to want anything that’s related to black butler or the nightmare before christmas or doctor who 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

“Why I Cry” by NSP only because they got me into it XD 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

i don’t like memes 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

out of all of them, i’ve only watched beetlejuice, i’ve heard OF the rocky horror picture show, never heard of heathers or pulp fiction and beetlejuice was just weird.

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my nephew XD 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

I don’t know/can’t remember 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

i don’t know, not often i pay attention to people 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

every time i listen to bohemiam rhapsody i remember the flash video my brother created XD 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

i think my friend Ricky is the wine mom, mostly cause he’s the only one i know that drinks wine and gets drunk when drinks too much and the vodka aunt has to be my friend Elliot because almost every time i talk to him, he’s drunk 59: what's your favorite myth?

i don’t know, idk a lot of myths 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

i don’t really like poetry so i don’t have a favorite 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

i try to think out my gifts carefully, but the stupidest gifts i’ve received was this last christmas, when i got 5 slippers from my family because of something i said xD 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i don’t drink juice at all >.> and i probably should 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

with my music, i tend to organize them by artist, any new song i get from an artist i already have in my library has to be within that same bunch 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

dark blue/black, it’s night 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

YES, MY BEST FRIEND!!! 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

a bunch of black roses? >.> 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

amazing!!! 68: what's winter like where you live?

non-existent 69: what are your favorite board games?

Anything that’s fun and makes my family do weird things 70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Nope but i am curious about using one 71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

sweet and citrusy i suppose? i dont drink tea 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

absolutely! 73: what are some of your worst habits?

i bite my nails.. a lot 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

do i have enough space to describe such a dork in my life? 75: tell us about your pets!

i have 1 dog! her name is diamond, she’s an adorable mutt! 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

probably sleeping.. pffft! 77: pink or yellow lemonade?

doesn’t matter they both taste great 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

minion, like from despicable me minions? XD cause if so, im in the sorta fanclub 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

they drew me XP 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

mine are sand colorish and no i didn’t choose it, we painted over the white/pink color that was there before, some of my other walls are different shades of blue. 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

i guess like a horizontal oval shaped open window with small black curtain looking out to an ocean of chocolate syrup 82: are/were you good in school?

yeah, i was 83: what's some of your favorite album art?

no idea, i dont really look at album covers 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

i’m too afraid of needles and have a low tolerance for pain, so no tattoos for me, if i did get one, i’d get one of probably my zodiac sign which is Scorpio 85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

i don’t read comics, i read manga and my favorite ones are Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji and Horimiya 86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

what are concept albums??? 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

any disney/marvel movies 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

none that i can think of at the top of my head 89: are you close to your parents?

not really, there are things i’ll tell them, but not everything 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

i dont really have a favorite city 91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

this year? i plan on traveling down to go see my best friend! that’s my main goal 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

no cheese on my pasta! 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

ponytail, i can’t really keep my hair down cause of the humidity here 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my best friend XD 95: what are your plans for this weekend?

video gaaaaaaaaaaames! 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i usually procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

uhh... zodiac? idk what myer briggs is and im not that big of a harry potter fan 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

hahahahaahahah xD me! HIKING! LOL!! 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

No.. 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

I’d go 5 years into the past to reassure my younger self that i don’t have to have my life all together and absolutely know what i want to do with my life

0 notes