#wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[ragingextrovert]

i want my guts to turn inside out

i am so done

i hate myself forever and ever

how do i live with hating myself because that's where i am right now and i can never get back/better. i'm just gonna close that door on myself forever now.... because i dont deserve it and i never deserved it.

anything that i was telling myself to feel good was a lie.

i seriously dont even want to be Here^TM

but i feel like i''m forced to be...

drunk as all hell. awkward, trying desperately to cling to a life that i dont even want anymore.

He is gone forever and my lack of presence in his life weighs on me. LIke,,,,,,, but doing that same thing to other people???......... not the best. but like.... He did it :'} and plenty of others too.....

view from halfway down.

#:'| #sorry *eye roll forreal because oops. made yet ANOTHER mistake* #i dont keep true to myself #and i honestly dont even want to #with the way that things have turned out for me thusfar #because of what i could have done #because i am a coward #grieving forever possibly #i love being fucking sad #well i got what i asked for #egggeeegegegegegggegegegege weeeeewooooo ffffffffuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn #wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee #fuck it #i have autism and every kind of disability #i am completely disabled #being a drama queen gives you that all for 1 deal. #spectacular #jeez #i want to go to the next world so badly #lolol #next world engraved in the dirt #i am beyond finished with this crap #if i get to a good place one day....... idk how i done done it tbfh #i have no confidence in myself after the kind of friend IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII have beennnnn #cuckooooooooooo #take it all #i dont care #i am an empty shell of a human now #zombified #i dont want to be around others because i am contageous