#writing me in this AU is trickier then expected!! i've never written myself as the antagonist and i'm thriving tbh

[fonulyn]

3 fic questions:

1: Which fic took you the longest to write?

2: Which fic did you have the most fun writing?

3: Which fic was the "fine! I'll do it myself!" fic?

ohhhh these are so hard :'D but let's try!

...and I'm gonna apologize in advance because two and three are gonna have so many answers, but I've literally written over 200 RE fics so it's impossible for me to choose 😅 i'm sorry and bear with me.

only the courage to continue counts (Piers/Leon, re4 au, past!Krauser/Leon)

this one was easy lol. it took me a long long time mostly because it's 93k, which is like three times as long as my next longest fic. simply getting out that many words took a while! also, I almost gave up after chapter 4 because literally no one was reading it and I wondered if it's worth it to keep going. had a good cry about it, lol, and angsted about it for a bit. but re4 is my favorite (surprise!) so I decided it'd be worth it. and honestly? I think it was. it's a good fic. I'm happy with how it turned out. ...but i don't think i have another this long fic in me tbh, i just can't do it alone.

2. this is trickier because there's so many :'D first, the entire pinnacle of self-indulgence series because it's what I return to when I want something low-stress, no expectations, where I can just have them be as domestic as I want. it hasn't always been tons of fun, because sometimes i use it to vent other feels, but it means a lot to me.

smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth was also tons of fun, making Piers put his foot in his mouth repeatedly just because of how into Leon he is? :'D it still makes me grin lol.

also the other maybe-a-little-cracky-ones; maybe he's born with it (the is Leon a true blond??? fic), the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair (the Piers stress-braids Leon's hair fic), and how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris "dad" and gets sorta adopted by him and Leon) - idk i guess I really enjoy writing stuff that's not exactly very serious :'D

i also had a shitton of fun writing three words to last forever, even if two of its three endings have major character death in them lol. but i've always wanted to do a choose-your-own-ending fic! so it was super fun! if i had the energy i would love to do another where you get to choose different paths, but they all lead to the same ending eventually.

others I had tons of fun writing include winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) where Piers and Leon vacation in Finland (yay!), you're feeding the fire within me where they get a dose of Rebecca's new Super-Viagra (a sex-pollen fic lol), driving deep into your heart which is a completely random au where Piers is a motorcycle racer :'D, carpe diem (seize the day) which is a smutty genderswap fic, and fall in love so easy where Leon learns he enjoys being called pet-names.

i'm just gonna stop now because otherwise I'm gonna end up listing twenty more. but honestly, like I said before, I've written 200+ RE fics so :'D this is hard lmao. I genuinely like most fics I've written. and I genuinely enjoyed writing most of them. I'm sorry this is such a non-answer :'D

3. this also has the potential to become a mess like question number two lmao. the vast majority of what I write is "fine! I'll do it myself!" fics. like, almost every single Piers/Leon fic I've written belongs in this category since, well, if I don't no one will :'D also a lot of my Krauser/Leon are things I wanted but didn't find (although I gotta give a shoutout to the pair in general, there are a lot of quality metaltango fics out there that I could never do).

aside from that, after scrolling through my fics, I realized most of the fics I wrote after not finding what I wanted to read are ...porn :'D lmao I often go look for something specific, don't find it, and have no choice but to do it myself!

as examples, I am the light that shall lead you to darkness (Wesker/Chris dubcon, I just wanted Chris to get nailed lmao), without hope, without fear (Jason/Leon monsterfucking, and I gotta say, I'm still bummed the pairing didn't take off at all it's got all kinds of potential goddamnit [also I keep wanting to write another of these two but ehhh] but i won't rant more here), on an all time high (Leon/Queen Plaga, I just... had a major need :'D), lost control (Leon/Lickers, what can I say, I had a major need lmaooo), kiss before the fall (Jake/Piers, this pairing deserves so much more love ok), ravishing (Chris/Jill, I just wanted Jill worshipped ok, and there's another similar one rattling in my brain but I haven't gotten to writing it, idk if i ever will).

so like. smut :'D apparently I have specific likes and have to cater to myself lmao.

OKAY BUT now I'll shut up for real. thank you for the ask! gave me a perfect excuse to reread my own fics lol. and I'm sorry for such non-answers :'D I just can't choose lol.

#anonymous #ask and i shall answer #me and my fics #looots of fics lmao

[nadineselfships-archived]

Hard Decision

Pairing/s: John Seed/Nadine Sinclaire

A/N: FIRST REVERSE AU FIC ARE YOU EXCITED? John's had a long day and has an Interaction(tm) with The Baptist, let's go.

TW/s: drowning mention(very brief and vague)

It was another long hard day for John; running from peggies, getting attacked by wildlife and getting captured by James to top it all off. He never understood why James bothered capturing his siblings and himself, all he ever did was rant about how what The Mother was doing was for the good of everyone and how they'd be free from the pain if they just accepted her word.

His words never made much of an impact and they always escaped with nothing but bruises and lost time.

Michael's methods never really work on John either, no one's ever been able to get into his head and mess with him very easily so of course Michael can't either. Which just ends in John getting roughed up as Michael gets more and more frustrated with his witty quips and sarcastic comments.

The only member of the crazy cult that ever gets to him is Nadine, the self mutilating Baptist with the confidence of a lion. Whenever they speak to him on the radio or capture him John always feels himself get lost, he hangs off every word and follows every movement. They were probably his biggest threat, if them attempting to drown him didn't prove that, and yet he was utterly drawn to them.

He couldn't explain why his heart ached as they spoke about their childhood, or why he felt the need to reach out and kiss their scarred skin and comfort them when they looked at him with a shielded gaze. John never dared tell his siblings what really went through his head whenever he returned from an interaction with the youngest Sinclaire sibling. Joseph would be appalled, Jacob furious and Rachel ever so dissapointed.

He couldn't bear that.

So why, he wondered, was he currently crouched in a bush in front of Nadine's ranch watching them through a window? This was wrong in so many ways and John couldn't figure out what he was doing, there were patrols of peggies wandering the grounds and at any second one could spot him. Why was he risking being here? Why, when all he wanted to do was rest, was he risking his life to see a glimpse of the enemy?

The enemy that said his name in such a way that left chills running down his spine and a fire ignited within his ribcage. The enemy with eyes that so desperately beg for his attention and drown him in their intensity whenever he meets them. The enemy that is staring at him right now-

Shock washes over John and his body goes rigid. Nadine's now standing in front of the window and leaning against it, smiling at him in a way that showed their own surprise. Surely he wasn't so exhausted that he just threw himself straight into their lap this time? Apparently he was, and, apparently, he had.

John doesn't know what to do. He's afraid, he tells himself. The electricity dancing along his spine and through his veins from their gaze is nothing but his nerves screaming at him to run. He knew he'd been caught because the peggies began to walk to their cars and drive off. The radio in Nadine's hand being the culprit for the act he was sure. A different response than he was expecting but even more unsettling somehow.

The sound of static from his radio nearly topples him over, the world had been nothing but white noise a second ago and suddenly all he could hear was Nadine's dangerously inviting voice.

"Johnny what a surprise, I heard you saw James today, have fun? He told me you left in the middle of your playdate though, that was a little rude don't you think? After he went to all the trouble to set it up for you too."

Their voice was like honey as they casually walked through their home, John watching them with wide eyes as they dissapeared from one window and reappeared in the next. He couldn't find his voice to retort anything witty or sarcastic, he couldn't even get himself to stand and run like he knew he should.

"You look tired Johnny, why don't you come inside and rest your weary little head a moment? I'm sure your little 'friends' can manage without you for an hour."

John's heads snaps to the doorway as he hears Nadine speak but not from the radio. They stand on the patio so confidently, as if there were no possibility he'd take his rifle and put a bullet in their head. He knew even if he wanted to he couldn't. He wouldn't.

Nadine's eyes are peircing, he can see a demand in them, one that's always there. Say yes. That's all they want. John shouldn't be conflicted. He should shoot them and walk away, tell Joseph they can now move into their ranch and have one less cult member to worry about. But he can't. He can't say yes and he can't walk away. He was truly lost.

This wasn't a normal situation, he wasn't tied to a chair and he didn't have a gun to his head. He could leave whenever he wanted. But the way Nadine leant against the railing of their patio had him hypnotized. He stood shakily and the way Nadine's eyes lit up when he did caused nothing but more indecision.

His hesitations cause Nadine to move, they walk to the stairs of the patio but each step down them is a step John takes backwards. They pause at the foot of the stairs, dissapointment flashing in their eyes but quickly being hidden with amusement.

"You've come all the way here John. Why come all the way to my home if you're just going to sit outside and watch me? What's the goal? Was this a stake out? Collecting information for your brothers? Planning to take over my ranch?" Nadine slowly saunters forward as they speak, anger flashing in their eyes as they let their theories run wild in their mind.

John is backing away as quickly as his lead heavy legs will let him, his blue eyes are fixed on Nadine's intense gaze and before he knows it his back is against a tree and they're standing three feet in front of him.

"It wasn't a stake out. Joseph and Jacob don't even know I'm here." The words clumsily stumble out of his mouth before he can think. He curses himself as a sly smile stretches across Nadine's face. Why did he lose the inability to make good decisions or think clearly when they were near him? It's like he reverted back to before he was able to form a coherent thought process.

"Now I'm even more intrigued, you're here alone and you didn't tell anyone were you are. I really thought you were smarter than that Johnny, or, maybe you've just finally come to see the truth. That I'm right. And you're here to finally give in, it would be nice to end our little cat and mouse game wouldn't it?" Nadine took a large stride forward and smiled giddily up at him.

They were close enough that John could faintly smell cedar wood and mint, an odd yet intoxicating mix that was so uniquely them. Or just their choice of bodywash, a small detail John didn't linger on for long.

"Sorry to dissapoint doll, but I'm not here to confess my sins." John quips back, finding a small surge of bravado to hold onto as he straightens his back and looks down at them. A frown wipes away their smile and John feels uneasy under their glare.

"Then what? What could you possibly be here for?" Nadine snaps, the aggression and irritation the same as it always was when he refused them. He should be more afraid, should have flinched at their quick spark of anger but instead he softens. Amidst the anger is always floating specks of rejection and hurt and John can't help but want to take back his words and say something else.

But he can't. His family needs him.

Nadine needs him. He thinks he might need Nadine.

He shakes his head, begging the intrusive thoughts to leave him alone so he can section Nadine back into the bad guy box with their siblings and be at peace. But life's not that easy and not so black and white, no matter if Joseph or Remiel wanted to beleive it was.

"Bath." John can't think of any other lie and he feels embarrassed as Nadine's brows furrow and they stare at him in confusion.

"I was going to wait until you left and have a bath." John expands the lie, hoping it was close enough to being somewhat believable. Nadine looks unimpressed.

"I see." The mutter plainly. John is just relieved they beleive him.

Until they're moving again and reaching out their hand to tuck a loose strand of his hair back into place. John's face is on fire, their hand grades his forehead for a second and John can feel his mind racing.

"You do look like you crawled out of a cave this morning." Nadine hums, eyes dragging over him from head to toe and leaving him feeling vulnerable and bare even though he was well armed and fully clothed. They turn and walk away, back to their ranch and John tries desperately to ignore the cold empty feeling they leave in their wake.

"You can use the bath, I've got no where to be however so if you plan on waiting me out you may be here a long while." Nadine walks effortlessly back into their home, not turning back once and leaving the door wide open for him.

The only thing left for him to do was make a decision.

#self insert #self ship #oc x canon #fc5 #self ship fic #fc5 reverse au #my writing #nadine writes stuff #The Angels Baptist #so i wrote this at 2 am and i'm really happy with how it came out akzkfkskajfkg #writing me in this AU is trickier then expected!! i've never written myself as the antagonist and i'm thriving tbh #writing John is also tricky because in canon the boy don't shut up and he's very sure of himself #but in this au he's caught between two worlds and i make him Nervous tm so he's a little less suave around me lol #it's pretty fun to write actually anyway sjdkfkfjg #i also love how i end with a cliff hanger because it's one that fits so well there liks i feel like i did a good ending for once akskfkgk #he probably does go inside to bathe but sneaks out because the guilt hits him and he can't handle talking me again #which makes me very dissapointed and i tell him that on the radio and then sulk for three days lmao