#would be pure fucking heaven... I've fallen in love... god damn it I've fallen in love.. and the thing that hurts and the thing that makes

[imma-potatoo]

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#the moment when you realize that you've fallen in love with someone that you shouldnt have fallen in love with... I really shouldn't have.. #but.. anytime it says anything i get lightheaded.. anytime it laughs i cant feel myself.. anytime it does anything i can't help but melt #into myself because i cant stop thinking about making their tall ass lean down so i can kiss em and finally melt into what I'm pretty sure #would be pure fucking heaven... I've fallen in love... god damn it I've fallen in love.. and the thing that hurts and the thing that makes #my chest heavy is that i know that it would NEVER reciprocate... it doesn't feel the same..who fucking could? my exes fucked up my head i #think... but god damn it when I'm talking to em? i can't feel my self hatred... when it says I'm pretty or a gremlin or that I'm evil my #mind fucking soars.. i feel so warm and happy and blush goes across my cheeks and damn it i know its dumb and i know ey doesn't like me #that way but i want em too... i want em to kiss me and hold my hand and cuddle me and hold me close and i want to wake up next to em every #fucking day of my life.. but i know its impossible i know i should let it go.. i know that it lives across the fucking continent but i want #it so badly... i want to love em forever... we tell eachother that we love eachother every night but it can't be romantic.. sure ey's #aroflux and i know it has a crush on someone but it can't be me.. it would never be me.. im dorky and weird and ugly and everything i do #fucks up... it could never ever fucking love me... but damn i want it too... which is selfish yea.. its selfish and fucking horrible of me #to be venting here because i know no one will see or care.. i know it won't read this.. but damn it I've fallen in love with my best friend #and... and it doesn't love me back.. not in that way at least... it loves me platonically.. we've made amazing wonderful things together.. #i love em.. i love em so fucking much... my brain keeps making imagined scenarios that fill my head.. soft ones of how we would spend our #life together.. and.. fuck please... i love em.. #i love em more than anything.. #but i know i need to let go but i can't.. i need to let em be happy with its crush and even though i want it to be me i know its not #I'm.... i should sleep... almost 5 am.. #potatorandoms

[jackson--t]

Pancakes

Pairing: Ivar × Heahmund

Words: ~ 1390.

Just pure fluff. Heahmund being Ivar's perfect, unreal kind of boyfriend.

Ivar pressed his face more firmly into the fresh pillow, trying to let the scent of fresh linen drift into his nose before the smell of fragrant pancakes; he was still far too tired for a surprise like this. He rolled onto his back in one smooth motion, arms folded behind his neck, wondering when the hell Heahmund had gotten up to prepare such a great breakfast. This man was so perfect that Ivar felt the guilty conscience tingling in his stomach again.

They had been sleeping with each other for a little longer, maybe three to four months. They had met back then at Hvitserk's embarrassing party, an evening Ivar only remembered darkly because he had been far too drunk. He had spilled beer all over Heahmund's white shirt while tripping - and had also headbutted him when he had tried to pick up his beer again, while Heahmund had done the same. Fortunately, Heahmund had always had a sense of humor, and hadn't held the bloody nose against Ivar.

Nevertheless, he couldn't understand how the much older, perfect-looking man put up with him. Not that Ivar thought he was bad looking - not at all. But he was clumsy, grumpy, had a big mouth and was constantly doing everything wrong. Only yesterday they had had a slight argument because they couldn't decide which movie to watch - Ivar had refused to watch a horror movie, but only because he didn't want to admit that he was scared. It was enough for him even as it was that he could hardly spend an evening without putting his legs over Heahmund's lap, without somehow being in physical contact, touching each other. It was almost like an addiction, and the smell of Heahmund in particular made his pulse race up regularly.

It was a while before he could hear anything coming from the kitchen; the soft hum of Heahmund's voice, along with the sound of flipping pancakes in a pan. The smell was so good that Ivar decided to get up. He reached blindly next to the bed, pulled on Heahmund's T-shirt, and with a slight yawn, headed for the kitchen. He ran a quick hand through his hair in the hallway, even though it probably wouldn't do much good - he always looked like a wild Viking in the morning.

Heahmund lifted his eyes and put that darn handsome crooked grin at the corners of his mouth when he saw Ivar standing in the doorway, still slightly sleepy.

"Good morning. Slept well?" he said cheerfully, and Ivar grumbled slightly in response. He pressed himself lightly against the kitchen counter and let his eyes wander over the picture he was presented with: a topless, perfectly trained Heahmund in black sweatpants making him a big mountain of pancakes and just looking like a fucking god. The pancake god from Ivar's wet dreams, that was for sure.

Ivar crossed his arms slightly and tried to form a sensible sentence in his head as he gawked at Heahmund's back.

"What Disney universe are you from again?" he asked, and Heahmund let out a soft laugh.

"I hardly think any Disney character does what I did to you last night."

Ivar bit down hard on his soft lower lip as his thoughts drifted to last night. Naked bodies in the moonlight, bathed in sweat. Half-suffocated moans in the night, nails digging into skin. The rustling of bedclothes, the soft creaking of the bed caused by hard thrusts. The promise, which Heahmund shortly had whispered to his neck just before his climax, submerged in Ivar's moans of pleasure, followed by a breakthrough orgasm.

"Oh no. You're more the bad guy. But still. This." Ivar grumbled, flailing slightly in Heahmund's direction; Heahmund's eyebrows raised slightly as he heaped another pancake onto one of the plates.

"What this?"

"This. You. How perfect can a human be, please? You're making me pancakes when I'm the most exhausting person in the world. Do you know how long it's been since Mom made me any? There's only aspirin for breakfast," Ivar remarked; he consciously tried to ignore his pounding heart as Heahmund wore a wide smile on his lips. Oh God, this man was driving him crazy.

"Well, I'll make them for you now. You love pancakes."

"I know. It's absolutely nerdy that you know that."

"Then I'm a nerd, I don't care. Sit down."

Ivar obeyed; he took a seat at a set table on which there was fresh orange juice along with various things like butter, honey, Nutella, and jam. And when Heahmund put a plate of fresh-smelling pancakes in front of him, Ivar thought for a moment that Heahmund had stepped out of a glossy magazine for perfect worlds. Maybe he was dead, and this was heaven.

They ate in silence for a while - as Ivar could do nothing but stuff the mountains of pancakes into his mouth with an indulgent sigh. Only after a while did Heahmund put down his fork and lightly clear his throat.

"Ivar?"

"Huh?" Ivar mumbled with his mouth full; his gaze lifted, and he looked into a slightly tense face. And though his stomach tingled, he didn't stop eating.

"Do you think... I've been meaning to bring up this subject for a while. Don't you think it's time to take this... thing... a step further?"

Ivar choked slightly on a large bite of pancake; he had to take a breath, and his eyes started to water, fuck.

"How - what do you mean?" he asked cautiously, and Heahmund shrugged slightly. The steel-gray eyes lit up.

"We've been having sex for so long now, and you half live here on weekends anyway. Don't you think we should tell your parents? To me, we're almost together anyway. Or do you feel differently?" Heahmund said carefully, and Ivar had to cough again.

He had known that this moment would come one day. Of course, he felt the same way. Honestly, he had fallen head over heels in love with Heahmund after the first two dates, absolutely and irrevocably. But there was only one problem: his parents. His family.

Not only did they not know Ivar was gay - but his father was also guaranteed to kill him. Maybe even lock him up in the cellar for years, where Ivar could live like a renegade - but after that he would definitely take him into the forest and shoot him. And his brothers? Bjorn would laugh at him, loudly, as would Sigurd. Ubbe and Hvitserk would probably accept it, but turn away from him because he had lied for a long time. He could see Ubbe's therapist face with imaginary glasses in front of him now, along with a cheap notepad on which he would write down Ivar's feelings about the matter.

And even though this thing was hitting him hard in the stomach, Ivar took another bite of the delicious pancake. Oh man, where the hell did this man get so good at cooking and baking and just everything?

"I... mean, I feel the same way, and I would like to - take the... the next step. However, there's... the family thing, that's...", Ivar stammered - he focused his gaze on everything but Heahmund's face.

Heahmund looked at him for a while, then smiled gently. At least that's what Ivar saw out of the corner of his eyes.

"They don't know, do they?" he said softly, and it took Ivar a while to nod silently.

There was silence at the table for a while; Ivar could feel deep patches of red forming on his cheeks as a large and warm hand reached out and grasped his. Their eyes met, and Heahmund smiled slightly.

"You have all the time in the world. And we can do this together." he said, and Ivar rolled his eyes, even though he had to grin anyway.

"You really are too perfect for this world. What lab did you break out of?"

"You don't even want to know."

"Does that mean we're... now - sort of together?"

Heahmund snorted in amusement. "Yes, Ivar, we are sort of together."

Fuck yeah, so the hot guy was his, Ivar thought - and was already looking forward to the next party where he would be able to turn down any women with a knowing grin.

*****

Quite a bit different from what I usually write, but damn I needed this. 😌

#ivar the boneless #vikings #heahmund x ivar #heavar #bishop heahmund #ivar x heahmund #fanfic #ivar fanfic #short one today #fluff #pancakes #the morning after

[yikes-strikes-again]

i've come to make an announcement:

Neil Gaiman is a BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER -

but seriously i want to go off on a very specific ineffable husbands thing in episode 3 for a hot minute so let's blow this popsicle stand

 ~~~🐍♡🕊~~~

now, at the risk of sounding like one of those shippers who overanalyzes every single infinitesimal detail of their ship's interactions, i would like to momentarily draw your attention to a beautiful little moment in episode 3, Hard Times, the first half of which is, as we all know, entirely comprised of beautiful little moments.

so, about a minute into the episode, we get to see the world as it was in 3004 B.C. during the tale of noah’s arc. aziraphale is standing in a crowd, observing the commotion, when crowley (i guess it’s technically “crawley” at the moment but idc) appears.

now, i could go on about this interaction for days if you wanted me to. the fact that crowley greets him by his NAME after 1000 years of not seeing each other, which is an impressive feat of memory even if you don’t consider the fact that aziraphale NEVER TOLD CROWLEY HIS NAME IN THE FIRST PLACE (and yes, i did check). how did he know it? did he ask somebody because he was so curious (awww), or did he remember him from before he Fell??? makes you think 🤔 i mean it’s POSSIBLE that azzy just told him his name after it cuts away but i’m not making this fucking analysis based off of the HYPOTHETICAL god damn it  the cute little way crowley pops up over azzy’s left shoulder (symbolism much?) while azzy glances to the right (which was probably intentional on crowley’s part; it’s an appropriately mischievous thing to do (perhaps even a bit... flirtatious? hee hee hee)), the genuine, pure DELIGHT in crowley’s voice when greeting him, which, contrasted with aziraphale’s nervous reply, is even more conspicuous. like. crowley. dude. you’re not even trying to hide your massive crush at this point.

but this isn’t even what i made this post to discuss!!! 

this is gonna get real long tho so i made a read-more link

i haven’t heard ANYONE mention the significance of crowley’s very next line in this scene:

the smirk. the head tilt that he uses as an excuse to sidle just a little closer to such an interesting angel. the wiggle. head tilt #2 accompanied by inch rested eyebrow raise. the wiggle. the fact that his eyes are glued to aziraphale the entire time. and when he stops talking? oh, i know that look my dude. i see that little smile. that’s the look of Yearning. you’ve got a case of Gay Yearning and it only gets worse. you’ve fallen twice and you can’t get up. not to mention the delivery that i can’t show you through a gif but trust me DT wasn’t just playing up the flirtation factor through his body language, he was using his voice too. he doesn’t sound like he’s talking about inventing war and defying God, he sounds like he’s talking about a spicy little rumor that’s been spreading around the science building that directly concerns the very cute person he’s talking to. like, i can almost see the lockers and messenger bags. 

but more to my point. so, again, it’s been 1000 years since they last spoke, and what’s the first thing crowley mentions? that’s right, aziraphale’s rebellious act of kindness that initially surprised + impressed him! come on, we all love this moment:

*freddie mercury voice*  I've Fallen In Love, I've Fallen In Love For The First Time

what i’m getting at is that aziraphale made such an impression here, on crowley, that it was on his mind for basically the entire 1000 years since eden. enough to go out of his way to learn his name. enough to bring it up first thing next time they met. it’s the moment he remembers azzy for, the thing that sets him apart from the rest. aziraphale directly disobeyed God in an effort to protect adam and eve, which caused crowley to have the first crush in all of history. this we all know. but more than that, it was the first crush to survive a millennia-long gulf of exactly zero interaction god he just fell so in love in 3 words klajfldajsfkldsjf i’m soft

now, a counterpoint. it is absolutely true that their meeting on the walls of eden was hopelessly brief, and very little of their exchange was shown beyond this moment. therefore, there wouldn’t be a whole lot to make conversation about. BUT TO THAT I RAISE YOU the fact that azzy was standing alone when crowley specifically approached him at the front of the crowd. sure, it was probably a happy little accident that they managed to end up in the same place. but i assure you that this was no chance meeting, my friends. crowley meant to meet aziraphale here, and he meant to learn more about this angel who was Different and Not Like The Others and also to ask So What Happened Next? not to mention the fact that he popped up so unexpectedly behind azzy that i wouldn’t be surprised if he just miracled himself there. everything about their noah meeting just screams Deliberation. 

so, here’s my hypothesis for what exactly went down circa 4000-3004 B.C. 

1. eden meeting. crowley catches the gays for the angel of the eastern gate. both of them fuck off to do their jobs on earth and don’t see each other for a long long time. 

2. some years pass. in between temptations and pretending to cause horrible events, crowley’s thoughts routinely turn to the angel he’d met earlier, wondering what had happened to him. what was he doing now? probably some other genuine acts of kindness that came from a place of compassion, unlike the angels he’d known before his Fall. or, what if he got in trouble because of the sword thing? what if Heaven conditioned him not to do things like that again. that would be a shame, crowley thinks. a real shame. 

3. some more years go by, perhaps a century or two. you know what, crowley decides, it would probably be a good idea to figure out that angel’s name (he doesn’t remember him from Before). not out of any personal interest, of course, no way. just as, like, a polite thing. for in case they ever met again. god does he want to meet him again  so he asks around hell, real casual, y’know, like hey, just out of curiosity, does anyone remember the angel of the eastern gate? before they Fell? and some of them are just like Who? and others give him dirty looks. 

4. so he gives up on that for a while once his coworkers really start to get sick of it. maybe does his job, maybe fucks around for some years. but he won’t be stopped forever! he still wants to know that angel’s name. so crowley resorts to some more underhanded tactics. he corners some low-ranking angel who was just on earth for a courier assignment, and they only give him aziraphale’s name out of slight fear. success!!!

5. aziraphale. aziraphaaale. he tries it on his tongue. wonder what he’s been up to. is he even still on earth? hopefully. someone’s got to go out of their way for these guys. wonder if he likes the humans as much as crowley does. probably maybe? i mean if that sword thing was any indication. does aziraphale like demons with long hair, or short? wait. he’s angel, he doesn’t like demons at all. fuck. crowley doesn’t have a crush! he doesn’t!

6. he should probably get back to work. enough of this aziraphale business. psshh. he doesn’t know why he cared so much in the first place.  

7. 1000 years since the creation of the world already? wow. time flies when you’re immortal. although, the weather’s been really overcast lately. is there something fishy going on?

8. wow look at this huge crowd. that sure is a lot of animals. and is that... a boat? what’s that for? we’re nowhere near the ocean. better check it out.  should try to find a spot at the front so i can see - wait is that. is that...? noooo. no way!!!

9. aziraphale holy shit!!! fucking finally!!! wait no i’ve gotta play it cool. can’t act too friendly. he doesn’t know me. probably doesn’t even remember me. off on his own doing really nice things for people. doing really nice things even to his own detriment. i’m not even on the radar. but what if he does remember me? okay. focus. gotta be chill about this. i’m gonna ask him about that fucking sword.

okay hhhhh this was way too long for something so minor but god crowley continues to be relatable as fuck thank you gaiman + pratchett + tennant + sheen + fucking everyone who worked on this

#good omens #ineffable husbands #otp: ineffable #crowley #aziraphale #david tennant #michael sheen #i'm fucking gay #yikes original tag #yikes textpost tag #yikes fandom tag #yikes gomens tag