#will snap his teeth at you if you try to leaven him of a bag or two

[iite-cool]

simon yanks grocery bags out of your hands bc how dare you burden your pretty hands with heavy things when he's right there. and if you don't let him take it, he'll glare at you and grunt in disapproval until you do

#reluctant princess treatment #will snap his teeth at you if you try to leaven him of a bag or two #is leaven a word #simon fluff #cod x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #vi.muses

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Lostcauses Fic: Train

This stupid stupid fluff is for @zedsdead1001, @erwinsalive and all the other dear Eruris who got shitty anons this week.  (Seriously, what is wrong with some people?) Hope this makes you smile. 

Levi hates trains.  To be fair, Levi hates all forms of public transport, but he reserves a particular loathing for trains.  They’re dirty, noisy, smelly and worse, filled with people.  People who, heaven forbid, might attempt to speak to Levi, engage him in conversation. Levi’s worst nightmare is being stuck on a train with some friendly fuck who wants to pass the time making small talk. Admittedly it’s not a problem he has to deal with too often, his general fuck off demeanour deters all but the most aggressively friendly and hopelessly inebriated.  But that doesn’t stop Levi from hating trains.

Unfortunately the pittance Levi earns doesn’t afford him the luxury of owning a car and sometimes, when the distance is too great or the weather too foul, necessity dictates that he must smother his loathing of strangers and take the train.  Today is one of those days. And fuck has it been one of those days. It’s been long and trying and Levi has had to deal with a whole succession of idiots who seemed determined to be as obtuse and obstructive as possible. All he wants to do is get home so he can close the door of his flat and shut out the rest of humanity. 

The train is busy when Levi boards, crammed with stressed and dishevelled commuters. Levi scowls and wrinkling his nose in distaste. Miraculously he manages to find an empty double row.  He collapses into the seat by the window, saying a silent prayer of thanks to any deity that happens to be listening, dumps his bag on the seat beside him and hitches his most hostile glare into place.   Several passengers glance at the empty seat beside Levi as they board the train, but one scowl is enough to send them scuttling further down the carriage.   

It’s only once all the passengers are seated and the train pulls out of the station that Levi exhales a silent sigh of relief and his expression softens into his usual bad tempered scowl.   

His relief is short lived.  They’re barely ten minutes out of the station when a shadow falls across the carriage by Levi’s seat.

“Excuse me, do you mind?”

Levi glances up, barely registering the smartly dressed business man gesturing towards the empty seat which is currently occupied by Levi’s bag.

Without looking at the man, he lifts his bag off the seat and tucks it behind his legs on the floor, sighing pointedly as he does so.

“Thank you,” the man continues, “I didn’t think I’d find a seat.”

Great.  A talker.  That’s all Levi needs.

“I got a call just as the train was leavening,” the man explains, as if Levi cares, “and I took it in the vestibule just in case this is the quiet carriage. 

It’s only now that Levi looks at the stranger and really takes him in.

Fuck.

He’s hot.  

Really hot.

The blond haired, blue eyed, should-be-illegal kind of hot that looks weirdly out of place in real life.  Especially on a shitty commuter train.

Levi swallows and collects himself.  It doesn’t matter how hot blondie is, he is encroaching on Levi’s personal space and that is an unforgivable sin.

The stranger smiles as he sits down, Levi stares back blankly for a moment before turning away to look out the window. That’s when he feels something settle against his leg.  The tail of the stranger’s overcoat coat has flopped onto his thigh.  Levi glares at the offending garment draped across his faded black jeans; charcoal grey wool, with a bright cobalt blue lining.  Flash bastard.

“Oh sorry, I beg your pardon.”

The man hastily pulls his coat off Levi’s leg before standing up to remove it, folding it neatly   and placing it in the overhead rack.  Levi can’t help sneaking a glance up at the man as he stands.  Fuck he’s tall.  And not just tall, but built.  A beautifully understated suit accentuates broad shoulders, tapering to a narrow waist.  Levi hastily drops his gaze in case he’s caught staring.   

Bad move.

The stranger’s crotch is right on Levi’s eye level and as he reaches up into the overhead rack his jacket shifts just enough to reveal a package so impressive that Levi almost chokes. 

“Are you all right?”  

The man looks down at Levi with curiosity and concern.

Levi can feel his cheeks flaring scarlet so he coughs into his hand and sinks into his leather jacket to hide his embarrassment.

“Fine,” he mutters.

Mercifully the man sits down, removing his endowments from Levi’s direct line of sight. Reaching into his briefcase he pulls out a laptop and balances it on his lap.

“I hope this wont bother you, I just need to read through some reports.”

“No problem,” Levi replies through gritted teeth. Seriously, what is it with this guy? Nobody is this polite.

Levi curls up in his seat facing the window as the man scrolls through screeds of documents.  Lulled by the repetitive sound of the train and the fatigue of the day Levi quickly zones out.  At some point he vaguely becomes aware of a smell, a scent rather, warm and fresh and woody, a subtle masculine cologne. It’s not at all unpleasant. 

Levi wakens with a jolt. For one bewildering moment he can’t figure out what woke him then he realises in an overwhelming wave of mortification that he must have been snoring.  Shit.

Levi’s embarrassment is quickly replaced by panic when he realises that rather than leaning against the cold hard window he is resting against something warm and solid.  

Holy fucking shit.

Levi bolts upright in his seat glaring wildly at the stranger next to him, against whose shoulder he appears to have been sleeping like a baby.

“Sleep well?” The man asks.  His voice is soft and low and there’s a warmth to it that makes Levi want to lean in against his shoulder again. 

“Shit sorry,” Levi mumbles.   

“No need to apologise,” the man smiles.

“You should have shoved me over.” 

“You were sleeping so peacefully; I couldn’t bring myself to wake you.”

It’s at that moment that Levi notices the small dark patch on the mans shoulder. 

Oh no.  Please god no.

Not only has he fallen asleep with his head on some random hot bloke’s shoulder, he’s fucking dribbled on him as well.  Levi’s mortification knows no bounds.

The man’s eyes follow Levi’s gaze to his shoulder.

“Oh,” he pauses for a moment, “don’t worry, I need to get this cleaned anyway.”

“I’ll pay for it,” Levi mumbles. He has now idea what it costs to dry clean a smart suit, more than he can afford that’s for sure.

“Really, it’s not a problem,” the man continues. “I spilled coffee on my sleeve this morning, so I need to get it cleaned.  Look.” He holds one arm out in front of Levi and sure enough there is a small dark stain on his sleeve. “I’m terribly clumsy,” he adds sheepishly.

Before Levi can argue further he’s interrupted by the train tannoy announcing his stop. 

Thank fuck.

“Uh this is my stop.”

The man smiles broadly.   

“What a coincidence, it’s mine too.”

The wind cuts through Levi like a knife as he steps onto the platform and he huddles into his jacket wishing he had worn something warmer underneath.  He allows himself to be swept along the platform by the disembarking crowd of commuters and he’s almost out the gate of the station when he hears a familiar voice behind him.

“Wait!”

He turns his head and sees the blond stranger shouldering his way through the crowd towards him.  Against his better judgement, Levi waits.

“You move fast,” the man grins. “Here please take this before you go.” 

He hands Levi a business card.

Levi takes the card and stares at the name; Erwin Smith, Survey Corps. 

“Erwin?  What kind of a name is that?” 

Levi doesn’t mean to be rude, but seriously, Erwin? 

Erwin doesn’t seem to be remotely offended, in fact he looks rather pleased.

“It’s my kind of name.  What’s yours?”

“Levi.”

“Levi,” Erwin repeats.  It sounds as though he’s trying the name out for size.  “It suits you.” 

Levi can feel the heat rising in his face so he scrutinises the card again to hide his embarrassment.

“Survey Corp? What’s that?”

“It’s an environmental survey company.”  He pauses for a moment. “Why don’t you call me?”

“Why would I do that?” Levi replies in his flattest tone. 

“Oh you know,” Erwin replies nonchalantly, “I thought you might want to sleep with me again.” 

“What the fuck?!” 

Levi’s eyes blow wide with surprise and Erwin throws his head back and laughs, a rich warm sound.

“Perhaps you’ll let me buy you dinner first this time?”

Levi glares at the man, eyes narrowing dangerously.

“What is this shit?  Is this your thing? Do you often pick up strangers on trains?”

“No.  Never.” Erwin replies with a hint of amusement. “Do you often fall asleep on strangers on trains?” 

Levi’s patience snaps. 

“Fuck you asshole,” he spits over his shoulder as he stalks off down the street, Erwin’s card tucked safely in his pocket.

~ ~ 

It’s months later he thinks to ask. 

“Was it really your stop?” 

He’s lying draped across Erwin’s chest, skin still slick with sweat and lust. Erwin’s fingers are carding gently through his hair.

“Hmmm, what?” Erwin yawns, sleepy and sated. 

“Your stop. On the train, when we met.” 

“Ah.”  The fingers still in Levi’s hair. “No, I have to confess it wasn’t.”

“Asshole.”

“Guilty as charged,” the fingers start stroking again and Levi hums with contentment. “If it’s any consolation, I had to wait an hour for the next train and I almost froze my balls off.” 

“Serves you right.”

They lie quietly, silent and content, and Levi’s almost drifting off when Erwin whispers.

 “Hey Lee, if you fall asleep down there, try not to dribble.”

Disclaimer: I may or may not have fallen asleep on the train multiple times, but sadly I have never woken up dribbling on Erwin Smith’s shoulder. 

#lostcauses fic #stupid fluff #eruri #erwin smith #levi ackerman #snk #fanfic #modern au