#why do they do that

[furiousgoldfish]

If you're often wondering why do abusers do this to kids, and why they don't change their behaviour even when it's pointed out, I have a few insights to share.

I believe abuse is an easy way for people to get out of parenting their own kids, while still getting credit as if they're doing it. And even more, they get special privileges and resources that normal parents wouldn't try to get, because the price of them is too high for the children to pay.

For instance, in order to take care of a child, you have to deal with their development needs; meaning you need to be educated enough about human development to know why the child is acting the way they do, you need to know if they need guidance, support, boundaries, stability, schedules, or entertainment, fun, play-time, attention, comforting, more resources, more interaction. You also need to deal with their random behaviours, like children will sometimes get loud and careless, break stuff, cause damage, turn against you, get sick, get into bad moods, get sulky, throw tantrums, get stuck in bad groups of people or be predated upon, have trouble at school, wander off, develop mental illness, and as a parent, you are expected and required to be there for all of that, on top of regularly caring that they're well-fed, bathed, that they have fitting and functional clothing, that they're well socialized, and that their living condition is clean and functional enough for them to be happy and safe.

Now, if you're an abuser, and your child is struggling or giving you any of the random behaviours that annoy you, and you lash out at them, tell them nobody is ever going to love them, threaten to 'give them a reason to cry', yell at them until they get frozen in shock and pain, they're not going to come to you next time for help. In fact, it's unlikely they'll feel safe around you to exhibit half of their normal behaviour, instead they'll be sheepish and too scared they'll accidentally annoy you, so you won't have to hear about their day, their bad moods, their worries, their loudness, them making any trouble for you; in fact, your mental energy will be yours only and you will effectively not have to emotionally raise a child anymore, it will be just another human who is too scared of you to ask you to fulfill any of your parental duties.

What about when your child is sick? You know you have to care for your sick child. Except, you're an abuser, so to you this is a drain on your energy and you'd rather not have to deal with it, because a child to you is not a real person but an object that is in your way. So, you yell at your child that they got sick on purpose because they hate you, you tell them it because they did 'x' and 'y' (which they maybe did because you failed to watch out for them) and inform them that you will not be taking them to the hospital. Now your child will not expect any care while they're sick, and in fact, they'll be too scared to even come to you next time they're sick. Again, you got out of childcare and have all of your energy for yourself, at the expense of your child's health.

If you continually call your child a financial burden, ask them when they're going to pay rent, force them to work in order to deserve to eat and sleep at your house, complain about how 'money doesn't grow on trees', then your child will be too scared and ashamed to confess when their things are broken, clothes no longer fitting or torn, their shoes too small or breaking apart, their hygiene products at their end, or for anything they might like or want from the store. Now your child will try to make ends meet on their own, and you can financially save up and buy yourself what you like, and then buy the kid something when it's convenient for you, maybe for like a birthday present. Maybe at this point you are starting to see that if your child runs around looking very rugged, people are going to notice the visible lack of care, so you either make sure the kid does have some new-looking clothes, or, you tell the kid explicitly what they're allowed to wear outside, to not bring shame on you and the entire family, once again putting the responsibility on the child to look 'cared for', while you do almost absolutely nothing to make it a reality.

Now you're having a child who is, out of deep-seated fear of you, acting politely and socialized in company, giving you ever chance to pretend that you care for them daily, while you're effectively living as if you didn't have a child at all. But maybe that's not enough for you. Maybe, you also want to use that child to earn money as well; after all, they're scared of you and will do as you say. You can put them up to any kind of labour and call it 'chores', and tell them you're just 'teaching them work habits', while they're doing your part of household chores, heavy physical labour, maybe even your job, if they're good at it.

But maybe this is not the area where you need assistance, but you're looking for a free, non-judgmental therapist who will be on your side completely and never dare to call you out or confront you - and voila, this child is so desperate to make any sort of connection to you, they'll carefully listen to all of your woes and trauma, even when it's deeply inappropriate for them to hear it, and they'll of course, be on your side as you're the only person in the story they care about, so you can cry to them as much as you want and even encourage them to fix you, to run around looking for ways to cheer you up, make your life easier to you, influence other people to give you what you want. And if they ever dare to stand up to you or defy you, you can just snap at them and call them something that makes their blood freeze in shock and they'll back down and become even more obedient.

Neat, isn't it? Not only you don't need to parent this child anymore, but you can draw any kind of benefit out of them, groom them into any kind of behaviour, extract physical and emotional labour from them, take their anger out of them, control their life so it benefits you and not them, all while convincing them it's their duty to give it to you.

As a result, you will be untouched by the chore of parenting, and your child will grow into a terrified, deeply insecure, always wondering why they're not enough, never feeling good enough, neglected but not aware of it, hyper-independent, ashamed, desperate, unloved, depressed, traumatized, engulfed by grief and loneliness, never understanding why their own parent didn't want them, care-deprived adult. Because it's all that effort, all that responding to child's needs, all that attention and care and warmth and energy put into a child, that is necessary for them to have proof that they're a worthwhile human being, that they're not only alive to be filled with emptiness and serve others.

But that's also why the abusive parents will never stop what they're doing. The benefits they get by abuse far outweigh the cost (the cost being the well being of their child, to them cost is zero), so they will not suddenly become willing to do the job of parenting, after they've spent so much time successfully avoiding it, and only put the energy into gaslighting the child into believing this is normal.

This is also why they put so much effort into making the child dependent on them, and sabotaging the potential escape - they're benefiting from having that child around, they're actively extracting what ever they want from this young person that they barely have to cover the living cost for, who doesn't know or understand how many of their human rights are being violated. There's truly no easier way to isolate, trap, groom, brainwash and then control a person.

#benefits of abuse #child abuse #abusive parents #why abusers do it #what do abusers gain by abusing #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #why do they do that #why abusers abuse #benefits of abusive behaviour #consequences of abuse

[dottanic]

#why do they do that #absolute whores #atsv #spiderman across the spiderverse #peter b parker #the spot #his name kicking my ass #johnathon ohnn #Jonathan ohnn #jonathon ohnn #there #are we happy

[scullysmywife]

omg x files is such a silly goofy show look at how silly these two are haha whats gonna happen nex- *gets emotionally annhialated*

#x files #txf #agent scully #agent mulder #scully #mulder #why do they do that #pls stop let me live #aaaahhhh

[a-clowns-words]

every time i rewatch death note i am instantly reminded of how fucking gay Light and L are all the time for absolutely no reason

#THERE'S NO REASON #WHY DO THEY DO THAT #death note #light yagami #light death note #l death note #l lawliet #lawlight #light x l #van's sins ⛓️

[lin-archive]

#so glad i downloaded this before the official account put it on private for whatever reason #why do they do that #anyway hope it doesn't get taken down from here #lin manuel miranda #linmanuelmiranda #hamilton #hamilton musical #in the heights #the tonight show #jimmy fallon #the roots #freestyling with the roots

[horsesarecreatures]

Applies to you, Toby.

#chihuahua #why do they do that #Instagram

[madeupbunnies]

bunny who, for no discernible reason, just. puts duct tape on things. like, completely at random

#why do they do that #rabbit generator #bunny who recycles their own twitter posts

[hi-note]

no context mkds moment

#furry artist #mario #super mario #mario kart #mario kart ds #dry bones #red shell #why do they do that

[cheatsykoopa98]

all of my cats like to come over and sneeze at me

#pets #cats #why do they do that

[thecorvussystem]

Don't you just hate when you're minding your own business, listening to playlists on shuffle, when a song starts to play and fucking 𝙇𝘼𝙐𝙉𝘾𝙃𝙀𝙎 an alter to the front like a sleeper agent and theyre all like

"𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈"

#why do they do that #they think its funny #just silly lil guys #system memes #fictive heavy system #traumagenic osdd #osdd system #osddid #osdd things #fictive #osdd 1b system #system things #system problems #osdd problems

[moonssalad]

Why do people who love the ACOTAR books and the Inner Circle interact with people who dont?

Some of them have even interacted with my posts and its just so annoying. I do always just block them but its still like why are you even interacting with me if we clearly dont agree.

Why do they feel the need to comment for example something that is anti Nesta or pro Rhysand when the post is the opposite of that. 😭

#anti acotar #anti sjm #anti sarah j maas #anti inner circle #anti ic #some person reblogged one of my posts arguing against it and then other people started too and I decided to just delete the damn post #why do they do that #its so weird #its not that hard not to interact when you dont agree

[wingedwoif94]

Everybody do the Neurotic Chihuahua Shake!

#why do they do that #are they ok? #chihuahua #animation #original art

[15step]

saw anti rhaenicent post im shaking how do you guys live like this…..

#rhaenicent haters are real????😦 #why do they do that

[imsorryimlate]

me when i’m in stockholm and some idiot walks right into me:

#why do they do that #rude #sweden #sweblr #all makt åt tengil vår befriare

[marlee-goat]

me when I hear "according to chatgpt" in the video essay

#why do they do that #thats NOT how it works #go find a real ass source you lazy ass !!! #you go out of your way to make the whole essay and video and shit but then source an ai that pulls shit out of its ass half the time #smh my head

[spoonmoment119]

grumbo ,, i am goingb to cryy why are they so cute,, , i cant handle this wtf, why are they like that

#i just rewatched weasels grumbo animatic #the astronaut one #wtf #wtf why are they so cute #why do they do that #why #what #aughhhh #goungg to cry #spoon rambles