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therichantsim · 1 year

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So for the last 8 weeks, I’ve been walking daily, grilling or baking my food, and eating a shitload of veggies. This weekend I had a craving that just wouldn’t go away. So I gave into it, but I only made enough for two servings, today and tomorrow’s dinner. That way I won’t go back for seconds. I made spicy vinegar chicken, savory buttery succotash, and rice. I also made a strawberry lemonade (from scratch). Y’all, I love to cook it’s how I love on my people. I literally do a happy dance when I eat and if you are happily eating my food it warms my heart. If you visit and you’re hungry I will feed you and send you off with a to-go plate. I love hospitality and being hospitable. You get a well-made bed with good bedding, tucked tight and right. You get breakfast, all of the things.

Therapy and addiction mention below the cut.

When I say loving and appreciating good food and good ingredients all while being addicted to it ain’t easy! Ya girl wakes up thinking about dinner and goes to sleep thinking about breakfast. My therapist says food has replaced work (at the salon) which gave me a sense of purpose. Being behind the chair was workplace ministry for lack of a better word. My kids are grown and doing their own thing and I’ve also suffered some loss. My doctor was stunned by the amount of weight I put on within the last three years. I've even felt a drastic decline in my health within the last three years. My heart cusses me own on the regular. Saying "bitch I am not supposed to be working this damn hard" So I've been trying to do better and within a week I felt the difference and now I'm going on week 8. I'm supposed to be finding another outlet to feed my soul instead of constantly reaching for food. Humans are animals and like other animals, we should only eat when our body needs nourishment but food taste so damn good. It also releases endorphins and shit.

So my new methodology has been to only eat what you've cooked from scratch. If I want fries then I must peel and cut up potatoes and cook them. If I want chips I must do the same. If I want cookies they have to be from scratch. Needless to say that more often than not this method makes me reach for a piece of fruit or a small healthy snack instead. Because I can be bothered.

Still looking for that outlet that fills the void though. I volunteer at my local shelter a few times a month. My shade tree mechanic passed away recently and my car which lasted me for the last 20 years just died as well. Oh and did I mention it's been 9 years since my last kiss or anything else for that matter.

Saying all this to say ya girl needs to get a life or a new purpose in life because as much as I love this game it ain't it and it ain't real life. Food can no longer be my boyfriend. It can delicious and nourishing but boyfriend it can not be.

If you have read this far. Thank you and I love you. Bye xoxo Antwanyce

#shitposting #random musings #rants #nonsims #probably tmi #Whew that felt good to get off my chest #I see why yall like letting it out on here

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giri-giri-waifu · 1 year

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#whew #golden kamuy #immortal sugimoto #sugimoto saichi #asirpa #ainu #okay next time just rip my heart from my chest #cause that would feel better than how i felt watching this scene #it got to me #you are not immune to the persimmon scene #i love sugimoto so so much #he deserves all the hugs #give that man a persimmon #the way this show makes me so emotional- both good and bad #oof #good shit #waifu watches #waifu thoughts #this show is kamui tier

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wantbytaemin · 6 months

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my god i just woke up from THE most detailed gentle and heartbreaking dream about jinki im in my bed like 😮 what was THAT

#so it was way too detailed for me to get into everything but it started with him being sad and like not wanting to speak to anyone #and i was sitting on the floor doing some writing & was like hi come here so he sat down like in between my legs and rested against me #i asked if he wanted to talk but he didn’t so i let it be and kept writing but couldn’t really focus #and then minho got there and was like ‘oh good he’s here’ and i was like what happened #and minho explained that like they were planning to do a world tour and album as shinee but jinki didn’t want to participate bc of the way #it was being handled #like there was a promo poster that was super insensitive towards jonghyun too #and a bunch of other things and then it flashed back to jinki filming a teaser for the tour and it was super intricate and too much for me #to type up right now but he looked so happy & smiley #like to make a point that he had wanted to be there until all the shit went down #and then it flashed back to me holding him and i stopped writing (or pretending to anyway) and just held him #there was no minho at that point and it felt like it was hours #and now i’m up and Shaken a little. not to be off the rails you’ll understand as I’m still affected by the dream but like it was so nice to #see him smile im still feeling the feeling like. relief and joy whew whatever he’s doing rn i hope he takes all the time in the world if he #needs/wants to & im grateful to have seen him smile even as a dream

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seventhdiscipleworldwide · 4 months

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Katt Williams Be Like :

#katt williams #like whew #whewwww #whew chile #oh lord #expose them #wearing a dress #it felt good

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ayoedebiris · 2 years

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i’m coming out as a vickie/robin anti

#she’s too boring they gave her the same personality as robin they look like sisters and when robin gave her a look she looked cross eyed #WHEW that felt good to get off my chest

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coredrill · 3 months

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fans of the SPIRAL POWER SHOW when their movie theater chair starts spinning:

and more moviegoing/dub thoughts below the cut!!

okay. i'm gonna be as organized as possible about this but i am probably gonna be all over the place and add to it later LMAO. BUT.

4dx thoughts first: jesus fuck lmao. i've never actually been to a 4d movie before and i feel like this experience is NOT representative of what a normal movie would be like but they really shook us around huh!!! i think those seats only stopped moving when kamina died, and i say "i think" bc there may have been more times when they stopped but my ass was unawares because i still felt like i was moving anyways LMAO.

they played an interview with imaishi, koyama, and wakabayashi (most likely filmed at anyc) before the showing (they did it before my dub showing too, even tho i just saw that one in a regular theater) and these mfs are so funny i swear lmao. they were like "we wanted to use the effects to their fullest so we added in movement during the emotional scenes too!" and then wakabayashi was like "i fell out of my seat while watching!" and then imaishi was like "my keys fell out of my pocket and i almost left them in the theater because they were between the seats" and then they laughed and THEN wakabayashi was like "oh wait they're watching gurren-hen right? nvm they'll be fine" but like. that shit felt like a ROLLERCOASTER so WTF IS LAGANN-HEN GONNA BE!!!!!!!!!! it made me so curious so now i also plan to see the sub of that one in 4dx LMAO. me when i literally die because the insane ppl at trigger decided to mimic a galaxy being thrown at a giant mecha and wanted me to feel it.

also. they sprayed us with water during the scene where gurren lagann's spiral energy feeds back and simon/lagann throw up. and like. i mean i can't say i ever WANTED to get vomited on by my fav anime boy, but it sure did happen!

okay. friend-who-hasn't-seen-ttgl-before-thoughts next: i was REALLY surprised how much it hooked him considering that i've always viewed the movies as subpar compared to the show but it REALLY sold him on it!!! and i'm so happy cause idk if he ever would've made it through those first 7 episodes of the show without knowing what was to come lmao. unfortunately he can't make it next week so we'll have to watch lagann-hen later on, as well as the show proper, but i'm SO curious to see what he thinks. especially bc the only complaint he rly had (aside from being violently shaken LMAO) was that simon, kamina, and yoko were really the only characters he could keep track of. like even nia didn't show up early enough for him to really track what was going on with her i think!!

when it comes to lagann-hen i am SO curious what he'll think of rossiu. cause rossiu's my other favorite anime boy but DAMN they really give him like two seconds of screen time total in this movie LMFAO. and THEY DON'T EVEN ESTABLISH THAT HE IS FOREHEAD BOY?????? like they play that scene where kamina's like "i wanna give simon and gimmy and darry and forehead boy a good future" and my friend was like "WHO?" lmao. i guess you're just supposed to see the size of his forehead and come to your own conclusions FDLKSJFHSLKJ. and i did tell my friend that rossiu is Important in lagann-hen but i'm so curious as to whether that whole plot point will actually. like. make sense? and if he can track why rossiu is all of a sudden In Charge and Like That? idk but i can't WAIT to see it. similarly though i do wonder what he'll think of kittan's sacrifice cause kittan got a nothingburger this movie too LMAO.

when it comes to the show i am AGAIN curious what he'll think of rossiu, like what he'll think going from a smaller role for him in the film to a larger role in the show. cause obviously i am -_- at the downsizing but rossiu adds SOOOOOOOOO much to the show on the whole that i wonder if having a different first impression will frame him as a character differently??? IDK!!!! and ALSO i am curious what my friend will think WHEN EXTRA BITCHES START DYING AT THE END LMAO. like it's one thing to do from all of dai-gurren dying to them all living, but from them all living to DYING?????? i'm SO CURIOUS. i feel like watching these movies with him has me appreciating them more in the same way that watching eva with friends made me appreciate eva more too. except i like ttgl a whole heck of a lot more to begin with, even the movies, so i think this might just kill me entirely LMAO.

NOW. ONTO THE DUB.

prefacing this section with Holy Fuck I Am So Glad This Exists I've Cried Over It And Could Cry More. the fact that i've wanted this so bad and it HAPPENED. do the impossible i suppose but i can still HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S REAL. and listening to every single second of it was just a complete and total joy and i wouldn't trade it for anything <3

and now that the sappy stuff is outta the way SAM RIEGEL THE VIRAL THAT YOU ARE!!!!!! he did the ABSOLUTE BEST IMO, he still captured the same voice he did in the show dub AND he managed to like, have a coherent new take on some of the scenes? like during his first or second confrontation with kamina he had this more bored tone that worked SO WELL for me because. yeah!!!! viral thinks humans are inferior at that point, so he WOULDN'T be giving this battle 100%!!!! excellent choices all around and whenever they release this on home video i am gonna listen to this performance for like a week straight.

other generally great stand-outs were LORDGENOME ofc and also dayakka was pretty great too!! they didn't have a whole lot of changes but they worked well in the OG so they ofc worked well here too!! oh and kittan and his sisters too!!! they didn't get as much to do but kittan's still got it and if i heard correctly they even got the same VAs for his sisters too? like stephanie sheh kinon doesn't surprise me bc she's still so active in the industry but kiyal especially sounded rly similar in her like. three lines LMAO.

i WAS actually rly curious abt if they would recast leeron into literally anyone other than "steve blum doing a ~gay voice~" and uh. they didn't lmao. but tbh i think it worked for me anyways; the movies cut out so much of the blatant homophobic jokes which is one super nice thing about them, and also they were SO diligent with getting the rest of the cast back that it makes sense he'd come back too? like i didn't expect DAYAKKA to return but it sure sounded like the same guy to me, let alone the bachika sisters and gimmy and darry, so i get why they kept blum too and it was fine in most parts imo

i really liked bridget hoffman nia too!! she didn't sound the same as hynden walch ofc but i think she gave a great performance and i think it'll be really beneficial to have this sort of continuity of voice going between pre- and post-skip nia.

my adai kiddos...........well jyb didn't have a whole lot of lines as rossiu so i don't have much to say other than i think he did fine with what he had LMAO, i'm SOOOOOO excited to hear him in lagann-hen though!!! especially towards the end, where rossiu's belief gives simon et al the strength they need to finish the battle and win, and also the "so many others like us out there" line....... i MAY burst into tears hearing that in a theater LMAO. also it threw me off when they pronounced darry's name as "dairy" SKLDJFH

YURI LOWENTHAL............oh honey you do not sound like a fourteen year old boy anymore LMAO. it really sounded like he was putting in the EFFORT to make his voice as high as preskip simon's is haha. but his performance was still fucking amazing, especially in the hot-blooded parts where it needed to be, and tbh it was kinda sweet that he sounds different now? like, it's a charming reminder that even if it took a while, enough people loved this story hard enough that the dub got made FIFTEEN YEARS LATER, and simply typing that is making me tear up LMAO so yeah i obviously didn't mind. can't fucking wait to hear him as adult simon tho, that may awaken something in me yet again >:)

aaaaaaaand yoko and kamina lmao. obviosuly these are the hardest to judge because they also, alongside simon, have the most lines? so there is more material to compare LMAO. and both of them certainly gave very different performances that i'm not quite sure how to feel about yet. like the acting itself was still amazing, but it was different and not like sam riegel's in a way that was so obviously elevated that i'm having a bit more trouble parsing my thoughts lmao. like my knee-jerk reaction is "different, so not the thing i love, so worse" but that's not true!!! that's not true at all, and i think i may just need to hear it a few more times for the new inflections and what not to gel with me lmao. though i will say, like literally everyone else, that i think michelle ruff was directed differently as yoko - you could tell there was more effort to make her voice more nasally, or to use her head voice in general, or to sound more cutesy/girly. and i PERSONALLY don't think that's the right choice for yoko, as she's got so much more going on with her gender than just being a cute girl, but this is not the place for that discussion LMAO. so they certainly weren't bad by any means, i think they might just need a few more watches to grow on me the same way the show performances have. or just to have more fleshed-out opinions! anyways, 4k uhd english dubbed bluray WHEN aniplex.

overall the differences were SUPER interesting to hear tho!!! like i'm not well-versed enough in dubbing as a product of the late 00's versus now, but i imagine it's partially changed as an art form and that led to some of the performance differences. in general it was really funny when they slightly changed the dialogue and the lip flaps and pauses wound up in different places!!

the imaishi koyama wakabayashi interview mentioned the same thing that they said at anyc, that they were hoping to make a show that could last ten years. and now 15 years later it's STILL loved enough to get a whole ass new dub and theatrical release. and i just. i'm gonna make myself cry again LMAO, i love this story so much and it's been such a great experience <3

#WHEW felt good to get that all out LMAO #i love u gurren lagann...........#a: ttgl #ttgl: films #t.ttgl

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goldensunset · 2 months

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finally a couple days off…

#i’m still gonna be here at school doing work #but like #no classes and no new assignments #plus the place to myself for a bit cuz the roomie isn’t here #i mean i love her i just also love peace and quiet and privacy #game changer truly #whew i haven’t felt this good in a while #guilt free video gaming!!!#probably gonna do postgame stuff in pokémon black before doing da sequel #peach rambles

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marhvee · 2 years

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sins of his father

#fire emblem #fire emblem warriors three hopes #ferdibert #ferdinand von aegir #hubert von vestra #whew it felt rly good to work on a big piece like this again!! i haven't had so much fun drawing in a long time #anyways. i had a lot of feelings while playing sb & i wanted to draw smth symbolic & just a lil homoerotic

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switch-bladefights · 9 months

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i would like to hear your i'm not okay epiphany pls

ok so this might be 'ok Jamie but we knew that' BUT (long post incoming oops)

TL;DR: revenge uses its concept as a metaphor for the wider emo scene at the time and is a microcosm of the 'us v. them' environment perpetuated in the budding emo subculture and 'not okay' sums that up and THAT'S why its on the album

disclaimer too omg no way do I wholly agree with the things I'm writing here its just arguments I've been making in my diss

I've been analysing revenge for my dissertation under the lens of the presentation of women in emo spaces in the early to mid 00s and when I started looking at revenge I was like wow ok there is not great rep here for women, and until recently I've kinda not really got why I'm Not Okay is on there bc at first glance it doesn't appear to fit the concept at all

ANYWAY so the album can be viewed as two halves separated by interlude, with the first half having a tendency to villainise women, especially the female demolition lover character (which granted, seems counterproductive as the male character wishes to be reunited with her). Gerard uses a lot of violent imagery (throughout bullets and revenge) because that's very much the concept and what he does but when I put on my academic hat and start saying things I don't necessarily agree with so I can get marks, you can make a case for a lot of it being in reference to women: "I wanna see what your insides look like/ I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside", "like the blade you stain", "got nasty blisters from the money she spends" "she even poked the holes so I can breathe" etc etc. This paints the woman as almost and 'eve' like character, making the man 'Adam'.

blah blah blah there is now a comparison of the demolition lovers to Adam and Eve, who obviously were tempted by Satan to eat the apple thus calling the fall of man from Paradise. However, it was Eve who ate the apple first, thus laying the foundations for hatred towards women like, forever. It is also Satan who makes the deal with the man in the concept (although now I'm realising maybe this makes him more like an Eve cos he was tempted and its some Gerard gender fuckery...... I'll have to think about that). So anyway it can be read as having some woman-blaming metaphors and imagery in the first half of the album, not that this was AT ALL uncommon in the scene as we all know MCR is one of the better bands for misogyny

so continuing on 'Interlude' acts as a turning point at the midpoint of the album and is a prayer in and of itself: "saints protect her now/ come angels of the lord/ come angels of unknown". it marks a turn towards an uptake in Christian religious imagery in the second half of the album.

the biggest religious image that is conveyed in the second half of the album is that of the fall, obviously most closely with the fall of Lucifer (shoutout to good omens for helping me remember all this religious stuff) yada yada as the focus shifts the woman turns from an Eve to a spectre as Gerard also uses way more references to memory. She's no longer a villain but a prize for completing his quest immortalised in his memory, a dream almost. She almost vanishes from the narrative as we focus on the fall of some guy.

The final line of Revenge is "they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now". This sums up the us v. them attitude and puts two positions before the listener: you either take the shot or you go down with your friends ("we're all" implying company, it's not "I'm dead now"), with the implication that it's better to go down fighting than be the person who kills. This mirrors a theme that Judith May Fathallah picks up on her book 'Emo' called "beta-male misogyny", whereby emo boys think they deserve the girls because they're somehow better than jocks- likely that they view themselves as more sensitive and therefore more worthy of love (and sex). Here too are the two parties doing the shooting and being shot.

SO Revenge mirrors the emo subculture of the early 00s, with us v. them rhetoric with emo boys positioning themselves as better than jocks, where the emo boy is the demolition lover and the jock is the thousand evil men in his way. As the emo boy ever does irl, the demolition lover fails and the jock wins again (maybe the jock is also satan idk). Oh yeah and the woman from the album and the girls irl are marginalised and made into trophies for the men.

AND I'm Not Okay summarises this. It's the ultimate us v. them song, It's I'M not okay v. YOU wear me out. The video is a classic high school battle of the geek v the jock with that final image of them squaring up (although yes I know the whole video is like well everyones not okay but whatever this whole post is a reach). It's there because it's a summary of the album, it IS the album stripped of the concept. No frills, just Revenge.

Anyways that's my piece and I know it's a stretch but what is a masters degree if not a year long stretch

#jamie.txt #whew #felt good to explain it without having to write all academic and shit #and I got to use the word fuckery #I still think the album is absolute art #I have the demo lovers tattooed for gods sake #my chemical romance #three cheers for sweet revenge #revenge #gerard way

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pixelwishess · 1 year

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So assuming that everyone we see get a distress signal in v8 shows up at Shade in v10 there are going to be some absolutely wild interactions.

#like wow I can’t wait for ilia to tell yang she’s got good taste #or for Tai to show up and have a mental breakdown over his daughters being alive #then having a second mental breakdown over literally anything they tell him about the past year #the belladonnas interacting with Blake and yang #GLYNDA god Glynda still has no idea what’s going on as far as ozpins reincarnation #coco Yang and ilia lesbian squad #WINTER and the schnees crying it out with weiss #SUN and sssn hanging out with blake #qrow and Ruby/Yang HUG IT OUT #really qrow and ALL the kids hug it out because whew he sure felt responsible for them all #NORA AND REN losing thier minds over Jaune #I want it all baaaaaby #rwby

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inkykeiji · 1 year

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*coughs up a pretty pink lung into my tiny, pillowy palms and offers it to dabi* for u <333

#your love (deja vu) plays softly in the background #sorry guys i’m literally so sick idek what this IS #i should probably go to the doctor but like i don’t wannaaaaaaa #i should also prob do a covid test which i also don’t wanna do but most likely will do #im tryna remember what the cough first felt like ._.#if i have covid again i’ll fucking cry #i’ll also murder adriano with my bare hands #because 110% i got this from him #。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡#clari chatters #tw gore #juuuust in case #SO ANYWAY dave bayley eh????????#whew what a man #what a talented man!!!!!!!!!#i find talent so much sexier than like;; physical looks lmao #i can’t decide which glass animals album is my fave they’re all sooooo good :(((#i gotta see this man live the next time he’s in my city #i’m also probs gonna throw money @ the glass animals cassette #i REMEMBER cassettes albeit v vaguely #ah the 90s <3

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sugarchains · 11 months

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i know im for real tired bc i came home and immediately did my chores so i could go to bed early

like i barely sat down bc i dont want to get stuck i want to be in BED ive already showered and packed my bag for tomorrow

ALSO tomorrow is apparently prom, but idk if im gonna be a chaperone bc i never got a response email so like

do i bring my stuff????????????????/ do i just leave it here???????????????

idk

#ALSO lmaoooo found out im allergic to pecans this week #at least i think i am #bc aint no reason my throat was itching like that #and i felt nauseous #but that was a good brownie whew

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bibleofficial · 9 months

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im soo fucking high for 11am & im living for myself

#stream #bc this bowel movement ? it’s violent #but im too stoned to suffer #like WHEW #PAINFUL #ALSKALSKALSKALSKALKSAL #THATS WHAT U GET FOR JUST EATING 2 PACKS OF CRACKERS RAW #DISGUSTING #i’ve had SOOOOOOOOO much salt between like 8pm-1am it’s ridiculous like it’s NOT HEALTHY IT IS NOT GOOD FOR ME #& i KNOW ITS NOT but girl #we binging #we ain’t happy #we were VERY unhappy last night 😭😭😭#we’ve BEEN very unhappy - for WEEKS #it’s fine #im smiling #& the last time i was smiling i was smiling like >:) (evil) & IT FELT SOOOOO GOOD but not like in a hood happy way like a this is not #sometjing a normal person would be smiling abt way ALSJALSKALSKALSKALSKALSJAL #& u know what ? that’s ok bc that felt great at the moment & it’s RLY fucking funny to look back on even though this was like #saturday #at least i’ve been drinking less ?#ALSKALSKALSKAL BUT SMOKIGN MORE #A LOT MORE 😭😭😭😭#weed that is #but also cigarettes she was so naughty yesterday

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laudsimogen · 1 year

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This Hunger, It Isn't You (Ch. 12)

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“What do you mean I can’t go back?”

Ashton sighed and rubbed their temple. “You know, I never asked to get caught in the middle of this. I’m just the messenger.”

Imogen crossed her arms. “It’ll be fine. You talked to her; you know she’s herself again. I need to tell her it’s okay, I need to tell her I’m not upset.”

“I don’t think she wants that,” Ashton said. “Who’s to say she won’t lose it again?”

“She won’t,” Imogen argued. “And even if she does, she just…she deserves to know it’s not her fault. If she still wants to say goodbye after that, then fine, but I know she was already hurting when I got there. I wanna help her if I can.”

“I know,” Ashton said, “but you didn’t see her. She was a wreck, Imogen. Terrified. You really wanna risk putting her through that again?”

Imogen shook her head. “No,” she murmured.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton said. “I don’t really understand this friendship you have, but I can tell you care about each other. I wish it could work out for you, but this place is just…” They sighed. “You know.”

“Yeah.”

Imogen knew they were right. She didn’t want to stress Laudna out any further, and who knew what the Entity might do if they kept this up. It was safer for Laudna to leave her alone, as much as Imogen wanted to see her again. She would never forgive herself Laudna ended up warped beyond recognition because of her.

A bout of fury bubbled up in her chest. What a goddamn waste of a wonderful, kind person to bring her here and force her to kill. It wasn’t fair—none of this was, not for anyone, but at least the survivors had each other. Laudna was out there alone, in pain, and there was nothing Imogen could do about it without making things worse. She wanted to scream, to call the Entity down and fight it, but it wasn’t as if she could win that fight.

So, instead, she stewed in her anger and tried her best to fight off the ache that kept rising in her chest every time she thought about Laudna. She’d catch herself wondering little details about Laudna, like whether she liked horses or knew how to cook. Things that wouldn’t matter here, but that she wanted to know anyway. She wanted to know Laudna’s favorite color, her favorite flower, her favorite time of day. Was she a morning person or a night owl? Imogen hoped for Laudna’s sake that she was the latter, considering she would never see daybreak again.

She spent days, maybe weeks, trying to come up with a new plan, some way to escape the Entity and the Fog. If she could come up with something, she’d have an excuse to see Laudna again. She’d have to tell Laudna about it, because she wouldn’t come up with something that didn’t allow Laudna to escape, too.

But she couldn’t think of anything. Her mind felt too empty and too full at the same time, and every time she tried to comprehend how this world worked and how she could try to break it, she found herself with a headache and the threat of an anxiety attack. No one was meant to conceive of this place; they were only meant to go to slaughter like cattle.

It wasn’t until Imogen was called to trial and found herself in a familiar ichorous wood that she realized she would see Laudna again after all. Yes, the point of the trials was to evade the killers, but she didn’t have to do that. She’d let Laudna sacrifice her to avoid the Entity’s punishment, but maybe they’d have time to talk just for a moment. Just long enough to say goodbye.

She got to work on a generator, but she worked slowly, and she messed up a few times, causing the machine to spark and pop. Any killer would pick up on the noise and single her out as easy prey, and Laudna should be no different. She should be there any moment.

But she never came. Imogen grudgingly finished the generator, then began to wander, counting the generators as the floodlights came on. Two, three, four…four. Enough time passed after the fourth one that Imogen had to assume the other survivors had been caught and sacrificed, but still she saw no sign of Laudna.

She sat on an unfinished generator to wait. “Laudna?” she called. “You can come out now. I really wanna talk.”

Silence. Imogen reached out with her mind, searching for the familiar, warm fingerprint of Laudna’s mind. She felt it not too far away.

“I know you’re there,” Imogen said. “I’m not gonna touch this generator til I see you.” She paused, holding back tears. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t, but God, she missed her friend. “Please, Laudna?”

There was a lull, and then the treetops rustled a few meters away. Laudna peeked out below the branches and hesitantly crawled down the trunk of a large tree. She still embodied her form of dread, all long and lanky limbs, a sentient tangle of bones. She reached the ground and crouched at the base of the tree, all but hiding behind it.

Imogen’s heart leapt and she stood up to step toward Laudna, but Laudna only shied away, concealing more of herself behind the tree.

“It’s all right,” Imogen said. “You can come out. I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be,” Laudna said, her voice tight and drawn. Her words echoed with whispers, and while they would sound threatening coming from anyone else, they sounded so, so sad coming from Laudna. Imogen’s heart broke at the sound.

“I’m not,” Imogen said again. “I promise. Can we just…talk? Please?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Laudna said. “Please, Imogen. Please leave before I hurt you again.”

Imogen shook her head and spoke around the lump forming in her throat. “I can’t,” she said, and she took one step closer. “This is a trial, Laudna. I’m okay here. You don’t gotta be afraid of hurtin’ me.”

“But I am,” Laudna said, her voice thick with emotion. “I’m a monster. All I can do is hurt people.”

“No, you’re not,” Imogen said firmly. “You’re my friend, and you’ve made me happy. That’s the opposite of hurtin’ someone.”

“I killed you.”

“That wasn’t you.” Imogen took another step. She was right up on the tree now, and while Laudna had her face buried out of Imogen’s view, she could see a long, bony hand clutching the bark. She weighed her options for a moment, terrified of ruining any chance at a real conversation by spooking Laudna, but she decided to take the risk. “I’m right here,” she said. “I’m gonna hold your hand. Is that all right?”

There was silence for a moment, and then a broken “Okay.”

Imogen gently took Laudna’s tense hand in her own and ran her thumb over the grey skin. “See?” Imogen said. “There’s nothin’ to worry about. I’m comin’ around the tree now, okay?”

She kept her hold on Laudna’s hand and moved around the trunk until she stood face-to-face with Laudna. The other woman sat hunched over on her haunches as if to make herself as small as possible, but she was so tall that even like this, her face was at Imogen’s eyeline. She looked fearfully at Imogen through the wispy strands of hair covering her face, her body repeatedly tensing and relaxing as if she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to pull away.

“Hi,” Imogen said with a watery smile. “It’s all right, honey. I trust you.”

Laudna tried to smile back, but the façade cracked as quickly as she’d formed it, and inky tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know,” Imogen said. She moved Laudna’s hair out of her face to cradle it between her hands, thumbs ghosting over Laudna’s cheeks. “I know it wasn’t you.”

The tears spilled over onto Laudna’s face. “It was me,” she said. “I couldn’t control myself, but it was me. My body. I killed you, and I’m stuck like this, and it could happen again, and I can’t—I can’t—”

“Shh, Laudna, it’s okay,” Imogen said, her chest aching for her friend. “I can’t even imagine what it was like, and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. But you’re back now. And I need to help you stay back. Okay?”

“How?”

Imogen hesitated. She didn’t want to ask this of Laudna, but she had to. “You gotta sacrifice me.”

Laudna’s eyes widened. “No—”

“Yes,” Imogen said. “I promise, it’ll—”

“—I won’t—”

“The Entity will hurt you again if—”

“I can’t.”

Tears streamed freely down Laudna’s face now. “I can’t,” she repeated. “I can’t. I can’t kill you again. I can’t.”

“You can.” Imogen took both of Laudna’s hands in her own and looked her in the eye. “It’s a trial, Laudna. I’ll be fine; I’ll wake up right back at the campfire. But I know you let your last group go, and I know that’s why the Entity hurt you so bad.” She couldn’t stop her own tears from falling now. “I thought you were gone, Laudna. I thought it broke you. Please don’t let it break you; please don’t give it another chance.”

Laudna breathed heavily for a moment, her teary eyes locked locked onto Imogen’s, and then she nodded. “All right,” she whispered. “I’ll do it. I’ll try to make it fast.”

Imogen let her breath out, and she suddenly felt weak in her relief. “Thank you,” she said. “And, Laudna…I know you don’t wanna see me anymore, but—”

“I do,” Laudna interrupted. “I want to see you so badly. But I can’t justify risking your life for it.”

“You don’t have to,” Imogen said. “Just come talk to me sometimes, okay? I’ll even stay in the light. Just for you.”

Laudna swallowed, but her big, deep eyes softened a bit, and Imogen thought she could see the barest hint of a smile.

“Okay,” Laudna said. “I will."

#critical role #imodna #imogen temult #laudna #my writing #this hunger it isn't you #WHEW i really didn't think i would get this out today but i continue to amaze myself #this felt so good to write. i love my girls so much

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