#when people say that toki hates skwisgaar like...not wrong...but he also wants him so bad is the thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

okietokiee · 5 years

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bevisa det (prove it) 1/2

This is based off this post that proves Toki Wartooth fucks, possibly even more than Skwisgaar

Summary: (post-Fertilityklok) Skwisgaar is livid about Toki’s seemingly insatiable sexual appetite. He can’t quite wrap his mind around stupid, childish Toki making his way through that many ladies in one fucking night. Toki proves him wrong.

Rating: M

Chapters: ½

Pairings: Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth

Skwisgaar was not a fucking happy bunny.

He had expected to be absolutely glowing with triumph and pride (as was usual for him), especially after completely annihilating Murderface in that sex contest. Though he would’ve won even if he’d slept with only one supple GMILF, it was incredibly rewarding for his ego to increase his normal number of bed partners tenfold just for the hell of it. It was also worth it for the look on Murderface’s face.

But his self-satisfaction was short-lived, because come morning it looked like he wasn’t the only guitarist doing some one-upping.

It wasn’t a big surprise to any of Dethklok that Toki’s e-ladymate’s date didn’t go well. They were trillionaire rockstars in the biggest band in history, monogamy and marriage and all that white picket fence bullshit were honestly impossible with their lifestyle.

Still, Skwisgaar thought Toki’s gullible determination for having a family and children was… well, one, impossible, but also… kind of cute? Eugh, Skwisgaar hated admitting he thought of his rhythm guitarist as anything other than “not as good as him” but Toki was always the most childish member, and of course he’d have some childish notions of marriage and family on his mind. His naivety was adorable.

What was decidedly not adorable was Toki’s sudden backtrack from his goals. Hell, he was sprinting in the opposite direction, falling from grace straight into a life of debauchery.

All of Mordhaus must’ve been aware of this by now. Even Skwisgaar didn’t think him and his bed partners have ever been that disruptive and that was saying a lot.

Because Toki’s apparent coping mechanism for his failed soulmate plan was to bang what seemed like every single willing hole on the planet.

And now Skwisgaar was no prude obviously, but even he had limits, and from what he heard last night it seemed like little Toki didn’t and it was the most arous-infuriating thing ever!

Then, just as Skwisgaar was silently brooding over his morning cup of coffee, in walked his current object or ire.

Toki sauntered in shirtless, hair a mess, and only wearing a pair of loose, low-riding plaid pajama pants. His neck was covered in hickies and his back was red from fresh scratch marks. He was utterly shameless and Skwisgaar was arou-appaled!

“Mornings Skwisgaar,” Toki greeted with a yawn, taking a seat by his friend and waiting for a Klokateer to bring him his usual bowl of lucky charms. He either didn’t notice the livid look on Skwisgaar’s face, or he didn’t care.

“Toki.” Was Skwisgaar’s curt reply.

Once Toki finally received his food he munched happily as Skwisgaar stared him down.

“You seems to be in goods mood Toki.”

“Ja, I hads a good nights sleeps.”

“…I didn’ts hears no sleepins goings on last night,” Skwisgaar muttered.

Toki smirked, “Wells afters I finished with de goyles, we all sleep like the babies!” Toki said proudly, expecting Skwisgaar to deign him with a fist bump or some kinda acknowledgment to the tune of “hell yeah dude.” When that failed to happen he frowned.

“What’s wrongs?”

Skwisgaar’s barely contained temper finally exploded, “What’s happens was dat you and those goyles kept everyone in de haus awake all night! And how many ladies were dere?! They didn’ts stop coming!” He finished, not noticing his double entendre.

Toki’s expression soured.

“So what’s Skwisgaar?! You does this stuff all the times but whens Toki wants to have some funs den suddenly it’s bad?!” He threw his spoon down, his bratty nature overwhelming his need for sugary cereals. “Ands for yous information I lost counts at arounds one fiftys.” He finished with a smirk.

Skwisgaar was scandalized at this blatant display of disrespect and he slammed the table.

“Ha! Wells I highlys doubts those ladies were satisfied. Poor little Toki, donts know dat you needs to take your times, yous young peoples always in a rush. Donts know how to savor the moments.” he taunted.

Toki followed his lead, slamming the table harder for dramatic effect.

“Fucks you Skwisgaar! Toki knows how to please a ladies better than you ever coulds!”

“Pffft, oh ja? I doubts it”

“I proves it to yous asshole!”

Skwisgaar looked smug, “Ands how little babies Toki does dat?”

Toki glared, “I shows you,” before roughly grabbing Skwisgaar by the neck and crashing their lips together in a messy, fervent kiss.

And Skwisgaar, though he didn’t realize it until that moment, got exactly what he wanted.

___

asjkhfds next chapter will just be smut and will be out tomorrow possibly :^)

#skwistok #toki wartooth #skwisgaar skwigelf #mtl #metalocalypse #my fanfic #fanfic #make the sorta content you wanna see right? lmao

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rockybalfeatherboa · 6 years

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getting these mtl headcanons outta my system

This is a long ass post but these r some random metalocalypse hcs that I feel kinda strongly abt some r real silly ok here it goes

Aka me projecting

Toki - Enjoys activities like roller skating, weight lifting and boxing (that’s why he’s yknow fucken ripped) - Also enjoys model cars but not nearly as much as his beloved fighter planes - Thick brows - Hair is very thick and smooth (and,,pretty) but he doesn’t put a lot of work into is making the other guys kinda jealous - Sometimes shaves his legs below the knee but that’s it - Does shit like host teen choice awards and guest star on children’s tv shows BUT THEN acts surprised when kids love him,,,tf bitch this is ur fault - Absolutely loves physical affection he fuckin loves hugs and kisses!!!! - Prefers making out and titty groping groupies (and maybe a blowjob) over having sex with them .. but will still do it if he feels like he’s up to it - Kisses with his eyes open (and overall just real fuckin weird ok) - Keeps the video from Juliette sarmangsadandle in his nightstand he treasures it - Mostly writes his own keyboard parts for songs - Band thinks he’s hilarious when he doesn’t try to be but when he tries to tell jokes they don’t work ,, but he’s really funny in Norwegian it’s just the jokes don’t really translate too well so he just,,keeps it to himself - Pickles taught him how to smoke and now they like to chill and smoke together it’s like “their thing” - But he’s really picky about it he only smokes indica - (This is me projecting) Learned the phrase “if u feelin froggy then jump” and never stopped using it

Skwisgaar - shaves e v e r y t h i n g bc of 1) the aesthetics and 2) loves the way it feels - long lovely legs - huge fucken feet - has a klokateer pluck and tweeze his eyebrows them shits be on fleek - cries in secret at least once a day it’s become routine - He kept in touch with his Swedish gf for a while but then fell off and went back to hoeing #hoe4lyfe - Secretly wishes he can go back to wearing all white but he has to maintain brand recognition bc of the band - Wears very slight sweet smelling cologne behind his ears and wherever else cologne goes - Either eats a fuckton or not very much during the day,, keeping his metabolism on her toes - Guitar playing for him is like ultimate stress relief and also he fidgets with it he loves that thing - Has a book of various songs or riffs that he’s written on the guitar that dethklok will never ever use - Wears highlighter - Has run into one of his grown ass children in the bank one time and had to get the fuck out of there immediately,,they didn’t realize it was him tho - Puts his feet on nathan just to bother him - Great teeth / really conscientious about hygiene - Cold hands and oily skin type - He has a pretty good sense of rhythm but ,, he can’t dance he can’t dance for shit oh my god it’s a disaster to look at - “I look like I can’t cook… that’s accurate” - When he drinks wine he does that thing where he swirls it around like a bougie piece of shit - Lactose intolerant :/ - Talks with his hands a l o t it’s over dramatized and very fascinating to watch - Responds to compliments with “I know”

Murderface - closet gay* *gay but he grew up in such a homophobic environment so he tries to ignore it and pretty much force himself to be straight, explaining his constant trouble with women (Bc the attraction isn’t genuine ) and his fragile masculinity (so he’s always a “fellas is it gay to-“ or a “no homo” type of guy ),, his self esteem issues don’t help this out at all - big fuckin crush on skwisgaar (and skwis loves the attention) - sleeps with a retainer - hair is so dry,,,,,,please give this man some conditioner oh my god - knows pretty much everything about the civil war and the American revolution literally ask him anything he’s like a textbook - Somebody come get this man a pedicure - He has a lot of fans and they adore him it’s just that he’s oblivious to it,,, ppl love murderface!! - He’s not as ugly as he thinks he is or that people make him out to be, it’s just that people may think that only Bc the rest of Dethklok is so pretty. He kinda just ends up looking the worst by four-way comparison. It’s just a different type of look he has there’s nothing really wrong with his appearance - Imma go head and say it,,,he uses “y’all” - He and toki have actually made some decent songs for planet piss but it’s usually when they’re jamming out so they pretty much never get recorded 🤷🏽‍♀️ or remembered - He can move his dick voluntarily I mean I already knew that people with dicks can do this but murderface has like a whole new level of control with his - Got banned from Fintrolls bc he pissed in the olives but he just keeps coming back bc what are they gonna do? nothing - He takes his weapon/torture device collection very seriously like when u walk into his room u better not touch a damn thing or so help me -

Pickles - has nose piercings but doesn’t wear em - Small ear gauges - Strong toned legs especially shins and calves - Has not had a swig of h20 in 6 years but somehow has nice skin (a mystery) - Loathes Seth but absolutely a d o r e s the baby!!! He loves that damn baby and always appreciates when Seth or amber send pics or FaceTime call !! Fuckin uncle pickles!! - Helps toki compose his keyboard parts for songs (Bc he too can play the piano) - Kinda flexible but not as he used to be,,he used to be able to do a full split - Likes to bug Charles a lot bc they’re the closest in age , sometimes they hang they’re good buds - Watches shitty reality tv (bad girls club, LHHATL (it has to Atlanta), etc) as a guilty pleasure - Kind of an asshole but in a way that leaves u wanting more - Played basketball freshman year of highschool,, he was ass at it lmao - Idk how much this has to do with being a headcanon but if pickles was a vine he’d be “I said whoever threw that paper, ya moms a hoe” he just carries that energy - Smells like a light combination of weed and cologne it’s really nice - Will tell one of his band mates to go blow their nose if they’re sniffling too much

Nathan - doesn’t like it when people touch his hair without asking but HOWEVER if u ask before u do he’d probably say yes ,, just gotta warn him first damn - Hates hates h a t e s feet it’s like a weird squirmy phobia. He’s ok with his own feet and just *seeing* other peoples feet but let someone’s bare foot touch him and he’d probably black out tbh - Really socially awkward outside of his stage presence but I think we all knew this - Nathan’s really sweet he just ,, u gotta know him - Really emotional when he’s drunk - Secretly cussing out everyone in his head - He doesn’t completely dislike physical affection but he’s not crazy about it either - Also kisses with his eyes open (but unlike toki he’s trying to work on it) - Dad bod but we all knew this too - Slightly introverted ..he likes to party and shit but can only take that much social interaction for so long then it’s time for him to go home - Eyes are so striking and pretty oh my god it’s like they’re shining it’s all his gfs favorite thing about him - ,,,,,,,thicc - He’s one of those people that rip off their hangnails instead of cutting them 😖 - He can throw down on the grill goddamn why isn’t he in charge of snacks? - Knows how to suture a wound with some level of proficiency - He loves his parents he just hates how they embarrass the fuck out of him god leave me alone mom and dad! - This is ironic to the last thing but remember that video where it was like “son let me hear some of your music” “I don’t think you’d like it” “c’mon let me listen” and the song is just “I hate my dad I hate my dad I hate my dad” the whole time yea that was Nathan in high school - Strong arms (b,,beautiful) - As a kid he used to poke at roadkill for uhh entertainment - Used to be self conscious about his reading glasses but doesn’t gaf anymore - Severe case of resting bitch face he’ll literally be chillin but his face will be mean muggin but that’s just the way he looks - Tried PCP and ended up having to be chained to his bed betcha he’ll never smoke that shit again - likes crime investigation shows and serial killer documentaries - Will n e v e r refuse a fresh hot salted pretzel

#metalocalypse #nathan explosion #pickles the drummer #toki wartooth #william murderface #skwisgaar skwigelf #headcanons #long post

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izzy-b-hands · 7 years

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So this is an older piece that I was hemming and hawing over posting (I wrote it months back when I first started writing Dethklok fanfic again, so I’m a bit nervous about quality lol.) Finally decided that I like it enough to put it out there, though I worry I fucked up the timeline? Apologies if I did!

Set sometime before the ep where Pickles finally tells his mom to go fuck herself.

The guys get sick of her calls (after Pickles stops answering) and take their own turn at creatively telling her to fuck off.

This was therapeutic to write, and that’s all I will say about that.

Skwisgaar’s dethphone rang, discordant over his guitar. He didn’t recognize the number, but picked up. It might be a groupie eager to visit his bed, after all.

“Hellos, this ams Skwisgaar. What do yous wants?”

“Why won’t Pickles answer my phone calls? I’m his mahm!” Molly shouted so loud he couldn’t keep the phone to his ear.

He put it on speaker and resumed playing. Maybe if he just let her shout without response, she would hang up.

“I mean, I need to talk to him, and he won’t answer! You would answer if Serveta called, I’m sure,” she continued.

That hit a nerve. “Actuallys, I would nots. I don’t have any wants or needs to talks to her.”

“Oh, so you’re the bad influence on him then!” Molly screamed so loud the speaker crackled.

He sighed. “Pickles ams busy. I cannot helps yous, so I’m going to hangs up now,”

“No! You give him a message from me to him, now write this down,” Molly shouted. “Pickles--”

“Shouldn’t have to puts up with this shits! Leaves him alone, leaves mes alone, how the fucks did you even get my number?” Skwisgaar shouted back.

“Well, I will be telling Serveta about this little outburst. She didn’t raise you this way, I’m sure,” Molly said.

“She didn’ts barely raise mes at all; you needs to shuts up and,” he was out of breath, gripping his guitar so hard he swore he heard the neck crack. “And stops callings Pickles! He ams happiers without yous!”

That shut her up. There was a shocked gasp, then the click of her finally hanging up.

He played till his fingers bled that night. How Pickles hadn’t told his mother to fuck off yet, he didn’t know--but he might call Serveta and tell her to fuck off.

Toki liked getting phone calls. Sometimes it was just a wrong number, but then he could talk to new people, tell them all about the models he was working on or if Skwisgaar was being a dick. They usually hung up too quickly to hear much, but he didn’t mind.

He didn’t like this phone call, however.

“Hello sweetie. Can you get Pickles for me? He won’t pick up his phone,” Molly’s voice was sickly sweet, it made him feel like he was getting a stomachache.

“I really can’ts, I’m sorrys,” he said. Pickles would kill him if Toki bothered him over a phone call from his mother.

“Oh, I see how it is then. You and that...that...I don’t know where he’s from and I don’t care. You’re all bad for Pickles--he’d answer me otherwise!” Molly screeched.

“Do yous means Skwisgaar? Why’d you calls him firsts?” Toki said. Why did Skwisgaar always have to be first, even for awful bullshit like this?

“Yes! He was very rude, and he should know I’ll be telling Serveta!” Molly said.

“Oh. I don’t thinks she’ll cares, but okays. He ams from Swedens, by the ways,” Toki said.

“Euro-trash; I should have known! But you’re different, aren’t you dear? Now, I know you said you can’t get Pickles, but couldn’t you try? You wouldn’t want me to tell Anja about this, would you?” Molly said, her voice back to that disgusting sweetness.

In earlier years, Toki could admit he might have been swayed. But now this was just irritating--he didn’t want to upset Pickles, and he spent everyday with Pickles, not his mother. Let her and Molly be upset.

I’m from Norways, so I ams also ‘Euro-trashs’ I guess. And I’m not gettings Pickle for you, so stops askings!” Toki cried.

Molly yelled something indistinguishable, and Toki hung up. His parents were their own level of awful, yet he couldn’t imagine having grown up with Molly as a mother--did she do anything but screech and demand things?

“No,” Nathan growled. Molly hadn’t even spoken yet, and she didn’t need to. He knew what she wanted, and he didn’t give a fuck. Fuck her.

He heard her take a breath. “No, I said no. Do not fucking say a word to me. You are making me waste my breath on this, and I hate you for that. Leave us alone. I know you called Skwisgaar and Toki--don’t fucking do that.”

“Well, young man I’ll just--” Molly said.

“No,” Nathan said as he hung up. Pickles was his friend, but fuck the guy’s mom. The fuck was her problem.

Murderface knew he shouldn’t pick up his phone. Nathan had warned him and for once it actually seemed like a good idea to listen to him.

He probably shouldn’t have listened to the voicemail, but he did anyway.

“And your boy won’t even pick up! Nonsense, is what this is. William, I know you’re gonna listen to this, so listen closely! Get me Pickles; I don’t care if you have to force him to call me, make him!” Molly shrieked.

He looked at his phone, then dropped it into the tank that held his latest pet piranha. He’d been wanting a new dethphone anyway (not that the model ever really changed--they just added or subtracted spikes at random, but still.)

It was Nathan who gathered them to confront Pickles.

“I hate this. So much. Your mother is...awful, the worst, but we have to do something. We can’t just keep getting new phones,” Nathan said.

“Why not? I mean, that’s what we usually do, just like whenever we want so--” Pickles protested. It was weak protest though--his phone was still ringing, and hadn’t stopped for more than a few seconds for the past week. Laying there drunk on the couch was the only activity that allowed him to ignore the ringing.

“That ams a good point,” Toki admitted. “But I means...someones keeps giving hers our numbers.”

“Charles found out which klokateer it was. He had him killed but like, my mom emails them all the time to ask about new phone numbers and shit like that. She has this whole email tree thing or something, it sucks,” Nathan grumbled. It really did. It wasn’t metal to have a fucking email list, even if it was just for the band’s family members.

“If I could make a suggestion?” Charles asked, pushing Pickles gently further down the couch so he could sit down. “Have you told her to go fuck herself?”

Pickles groaned and reached for a bottle, then groaned louder when he saw it was empty. “I...look--”

“Fine, I had a feeling you might not be ready for that. I have another idea, but it will require some acting from you all,” Charles said, steepling his hands.

“Uh, you saw our movie...” Nathan said. The rest of the band nodded shamefully. They didn’t really talk about Blood Ocean anymore, if they could help it.

“It doesn’t have to be good. In fact, the cheesier the better,” Charles said.

He led them to the top of Mordhaus, and pulled out his own dethphone after scribbling lines on their hands with a pen. “Just recite everything I wrote down. If I’m correct, this should free you from any phone calls from your mothers for the next six months at least.”

He turned on the video feature, and motioned for them to start.

“Uh, I sure am tired of always being attached to my phone,” Nathan said stiffly. “I hate how it keeps me from being with the people around me.”

“Yes, it ams sads we don’t pays enoughs attention to each others; we ams always on our phones,” Skwisgaar added, reading very visibly off the palm of his hand.

“Yeah, so we gots to get rids of our phones, at least for a little bits,” Toki said, smiling so widely and fakely it made Charles shudder. The kid could really look like a serial killer when he wanted to--it was a horrifyingly good quality to have in this business, and Toki didn’t even know it.

“There!” Murderface shouted, and tossed his phone into the air. “Now, I’m free to be with the people that I caresh about. My band isch more important than text meschages.”

The rest of the boys followed suit, with Pickles offering the wave to camera just as Charles had instructed.

He finished the video, and sent it quickly to all of the boys’ mothers. The atmosphere of the time had women their age hating technology and how it occupied their children, adult or not. Sure, eventually the women would want to contact their sons again, but first they’d be proud of this, to have proof of their boys being so responsible. They’d show it off to friends, and wouldn’t think till much later as to how they’d contact the boys.

“That was weird. Can we go back inside now?” Nathan asked, rubbing at his hand to get rid of the ink.

“Yes, go right ahead. You’ll all be left alone for awhile now. Especially you, Pickles,” Charles said.

Pickles hung back till his bandmates were inside. “You tell anyone about this and I’ll break every lamp in your office, expensive or not.” He rushed Charles into a hug.

“Oh,” Charles awkwardly patted Pickles’s back.

“Thank you, I was gonna--look, you know my mahm is fucking awful. Just...thank you,” Pickles whispered, then ran back inside like someone had lit one of the booze cabinets on fire.

#text post #Dethklok fanfic #Alyssa writes

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irikahkrios · 7 years

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5, 12, 10, aaaand an unpopular opinion about harvey dent

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

ohh man. so when i was into metalocalypse i started off pretty neutral-to-positive about skwisgaar/toki, i mean i thought it was kinda cute and i occasionally reblogged like fanart and stuff (think like, how i am now with scriddler). but there were all these shippers who just kept like insisting that it was gonna actually be canon, and putting out all these silly conspiracy theories about how “ohh, brendon small secretly ships it and he wants to make it canon but adult swim won’t let him!!!111!!!!1″ even after brendon stated multiple times that skwistok wasn’t a thing and wasn’t gonna be a thing (the whole “snowhorse” incident, anyone?), like there were these long-ass meta posts pointing out all these tiny insignificant details as “proof” that skwistok was canon, and it just got fucking exhausting. not to mention the fact that a nonzero percentage of skwistok shippers (not saying everyone was like this, but enough that it was a problem) tended to shit on the dethklok members who weren’t “pretty enough” for them, which mostly meant murderface, and those people tended to also get really up in arms over murderface being shipped with either member of their otp, and as a big skwisface shipper, that always just rubbed me the wrong way. so even though it was only a relatively small percentage of the ship’s fanbase doing all this stuff, over time i just kinda started to become uncomfortable with skwistok, until it eventually became one of my mtl notps. and it still is, i still have it blacklisted.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

hmmmmmm i kinda like as the crow flies?? like it is absolutely objectively really fucking bad, i’m not denying that. it’s silly. it’s very silly. but crane looks really fuckin good in it (points at my icon that you were nice enough to make me, nursie) and i like the way he’s characterized. i just hate fuckign fright and i would very much like to pretend that she doesn’t exist. because i’m a jealous ass.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

they’re both technically graphic novels and not arcs but i would like to forget that i read the killing joke and arkham asylum: a serious house on serious earth. like, i read both of them really early on when i was first getting into dc (i think serious house was actually literally the first dc thing i ever read), because i’d seen them held up a lot as “must-reads for any dc fan” and my naive baby ass was like “oh okay!! better fork over an obscene amount of cash for those, then.” and then i absolutely hated both of them and wished i hadn’t read them, or at least wished that i’d read them illegally online instead of giving dc money to read their horrible edgelord garbage.

i hated literally everything about the killing joke, every single word of every single panel of every single page. to this day i consider it the only comic/graphic novel i regret buying, because at least serious house made me laugh with how bad it was. the killing joke was just A Fucking Ordeal to get through, and i kept expecting it to get good, and it never did.

i hate serious house because of how “deep” and “pretentious” it thinks it is, while really just vomiting out a bunch of high-school-level psychology and being utterly incoherent about sixty percent of the time. it’s just like a hundred-and-something pages of grant morrison sucking his own dick and reveling in how smart and deep and edgy he is. and you all know how much i hate tetch for being a disgusting pedophile, right? well, as far as i can tell, this is the story that originated or at least popularized that portrayal. also, at one point two-face shits himself. because smart and deep and edgy. boy do i fucking hate serious house.

unpopular opinion about harvey dent

he shouldn’t have shit himself in serious house

uhhhhhhh this is kind of a minor thing but i hate when artists give him blond hair because of the nolan movies, it just kinda fuckin. irks me

#whoops this is way too long-winded bc i'm on my vyvanse today #nursiekitty

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