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#whats a baby step towards emerging from hibernation & contacting loved ones again if not posting buttass naked pics of urself ont’ internet?

doubledeaky · 5 years

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Life is Beautiful

Joe Mazzello x Female!Reader

A/N: Hi, everyone! So, this is my first imagine and I’m super excited and a little nervous to share it with you all. I’ve been wanting to post my writing for a while so I’m biting the bullet and finally doing it! I actually wrote the first draft of this piece at 3 am while half-asleep so you know it’s got that sleep-deprived passion already baked into it! Warning, this is super fluffy and came out a little cheesier than I intended but I’m still proud of it. Alright, hope everyone enjoys! Feedback and requests are much appreciated! :)

word count: 2,154 words

warnings: mentions of mental illness and suicide

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Your eyes darted drowsily from the right side of your living room to the left side of your living room. You’d been sat on the couch for some time; how long, you didn’t necessarily know. After work, you’d retired your fake smile and allowed the numbness hibernating in your body to emerge and settle in every corner of your being. You don’t even remember at what point in the evening you had begun crying, your mind was in a thick fog of sadness. The couch had come to know you better over the past two months, seeing as you rarely left its comfort during your free time. The television in the corner was on and Three’s Company played, but you weren't watching. Your phone had been ringing steadily all evening but you didn’t have the will to answer. You slumped in your seat and stared at the ceiling while the ringing noise that had made itself comfortable in your ears slowly drowned out any surrounding sound, including the familiar jingling of keys and a door being opened cautiously. Joe was home; he greeted you as he strode into the living room but you never shifted your gaze to acknowledge him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before retreating into the kitchen. Your mind registered his presence but everything else was having a hard time putting on a front for his sake. Today was just one of the worst among a string of bad days. Days like this were more prevalent in your life now than they had ever been and it scared you. You still didn’t acknowledge Joe when he walked back into the living room. The part of you that was fully aware and conscious didn’t want to chance a look at your husband, you knew his expression would break your heart and you didn’t know if you could bear the weight of his gaze today. Joe was the one to finally break the crippling silence.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? You didn’t even acknowledge me when I walked in. Why have you been so distant?” His words pulled you from your comatose state and you could sense the tinge of anger laced within them. It took everything in you not to wince or cower; he had a right to be angry and you had no reason to make him feel guilty because of that. You had been distant; his words held true and maybe that was what made fresh tears stream down your face. You didn’t want to face the reality of your situation, it was easier to dwell within it. Your voice was weak when you answered him.

“I don’t mean to be, Joe. You know that.” You tried to sound reasonable, like you believed the words coming out of your mouth. Joe, however, didn’t buy it and pressed further.

“Why have you changed so much, Y/N? You're not yourself, I don't even recognize you anymore.” That stung and you couldn’t help the choked sob that escaped your throat. Joe immediately regretted his words and attempted to inch towards you cautiously, almost like a human approaching a wounded animal. You felt his presence before you but you didn’t dare meet his eyes.

“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry I-” you interrupted his apology as you stood, meeting his eyes for the first time this evening. He looked worn, his red and teary eyes mirrored your own. You drew in a deep breath, terrified the anxiety swirling in your gut was going to spill out beyond your control.

“No, you're right. I have been distant; I’m not myself. I’ve been putting on a show for months now. I can’t keep pretending, Joe. I can’t keep pretending I’m not miserable because it helps you sleep better at night. I can't keep pretending because it’s convenient. I’m so fucking sad, Joe. I’m lonely and I feel it to the point of madness. God, it’s too much, I just wan’t it to stop. Why can’t I make it stop?” At this point in your rambling, you had been reduced to a pile on the floor, your body caving in on itself, attempting to retreat from your own existence. Joe followed you to your position on the carpet, took you in his arms, and rocked you softly. Your skin burned from the contact, it was the first time you had felt pleasant stimulus in weeks and you sobbed. You had missed this, you missed being with Joe. Even though he had never left, you had. Someone you didn’t recognize had been taking your place these past few months and it felt like you were finally reuniting after being apart for years. Joe felt it too and he relished in the feeling of you pressed against him, this was a step in the right direction. Any contact you both had shared over the last few weeks had been empty. Joe interrupted with a sad voice, still clutching you like he’d lose you again if he didn’t

“You don’t have to feel this way, Y/N. I would do absolutely anything for you and you know that. Why haven’t you told me?” he all but sobbed into the crook of your neck. What was left of your heart disintegrated, this wasn’t what you wanted for him. The guilt in your chest rose and settled at the front of your mind, this is why you never said anything.

“I’m sorry, Joe. I just don’t want to worry you or stress you out. I just want you to be happy. I’m supposed to be your partner not your child, you shouldn’t have to take care of me when I fall apart. I don’t want that for you, it’s not what you signed up for.” You explained and Joe had to restrain the absolute heartbreak he felt, all he wanted was to take care of you, to see you happy.

“Y/N, baby, don't you see? I’ve been miserable right along with you. I know you don’t want me to worry but I can’t help it when I know you feel like this. God, I haven’t been able to eat I’m so worried. Your happiness is my happiness, Y/N. It’s my job to make sure everything is rosy, sweets. No matter what you may believe to be true, you aren't my burden, if anything I’m yours. I don’t know how you do it, babe. I just wan’t you to be okay.” He says through a cracked, wet voice. He was facing you now, trying to read your features for anything familiar. You can’t help the grin that cracks your somber facade, his saccharine sweet words always brought you back from a slump. God, what had you done in your previous life to deserve a man as amazing as Joe. Your first instinct was to embrace him and who were you to deny nature. You buried your face in the material of his sweater and he returned your gesture with even more passion. Joe cheered internally, he finally saw the woman he loved emerging from the dark

“You’ll be okay, my love. I’ve missed you so much.” he says attempting to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. You couldn’t help but sob at his words, you had missed yourself too. The rest of the evening was spent this way, enveloped in each other’s warmth. It had been a feeling you missed and you wondered how you'd gone so long without it. You both fell asleep entangled amongst the sheets and one another, like so many of the nights you’d both shared before. The only difference now was that you drifted to sleep looking forward to the morning sun seeping through your window, washing you and Joe in a warm glow reminiscent of a Renaissance painting. Your last moments before a much needed sleep overtook you was the familiar sound of Joe’s breathing and a warmth returning to your heart.

Three Months Later-

Recovery hasn’t been easy and you didn’t expect it to be. Three short months ago you had experienced your lowest point and the way up has been slow and tasking in all aspects. Despite humble beginnings, your recovery has been beautiful, you feel whole again and it’s a state of being that you missed dearly. You had finally found yourself again and your pride shone bright in everything you did and Joe had been witness to it all. The change occurring in you before Joe’s eyes was like night and day. He finally had his girl back, you were all there. The woman he had fallen in love with had finally returned. The woman who was extraordinarily kind, unbelievably funny, and effortlessly beautiful had finally come home. Joe had a rejuvenated energy and similar to yourself, he felt whole again. He was grateful for every step of the process; he was grateful for the endless tears, sleepless nights, and screaming matches, it was worth every setback and hopeless thought. It’s a hell he would go through everyday if it meant you were happy.

For you, life had finally begun to fall into place. You were living the life you’d dreamed of since the tender age of fourteen. It was a feeling like no other but throughout the process you felt there was still something missing, it was a feeling you couldn’t shake. It was a feeling that didn’t dwell within you long because life always has great timing when something is meant to be. Life is funny like that.

Pregnant. The plus sign in the little window of the test was blurred behind your tears, your tears of joy. You were pregnant. Your body couldn’t even register the shock it was feeling. The excitement and happiness that was bubbling in your system almost expressed itself as a scream. You cried silent, happy tears and couldn’t help but do a little cheer in the privacy of your shared bathroom. You couldn’t wait to tell Joe. The family you’d always longed for was phasing into existence and your body hummed with joy.

You heard Joe before you saw him. He dropped his bag to the floor and you heard him call out for you. You exited the bathroom; test hidden behind your back and a big, goofy smile plastered on your face. Joe became aware of your presence and gave you a confused look, cocking his head and giving you a grin.

“What are you up to? Have you been crying?” he asked suddenly concerned and as he takes a few steps towards you, your smile only grows.

“What?” he says curious as to what you have planned. You silently bring the test from behind your back and hold it out to him. Seeing the positive test is all Joe needs and without warning he’s picking you up in his arms and holding you tight.

“No way,” he all but shouts, grinning like a mad man. You can't help the tears and watery laugh that escapes you.

“You’re going to be a dad, Mr. Mazzello,” you say, waving the test teasingly in his face. He grabs your face gently and kisses you hard with a passion you’d grown so accustomed to you felt it even when he wasn’t around.

“I can’t believe it. We’re having a baby,” he says, pushing fallen hair from his face as tears slip from his amber eyes. He's smiling wide with an almost blinding intensity and it’s a sight for sore eyes. You cherish it, praying it never leaves the factions of your memory. Joe falls to his knees, placing both hands on your lower stomach. There is no bump present but the thought of the baby growing within you has his body thrumming with excitement. He is in complete awe at the woman before him. The woman who had gone from her lowest low to her highest high with such grace and poise. You were his heaven on earth and he hoped you sensed that. He hoped his love for you was evident in his every action and in every word he spoke. As he held your form, he felt that God had crafted this moment in the sands of time, it was a scene that envied any romance film. Joe had been in and seen many films, but none that moved him as much as the one you and himself were starring in. He grinned up at you, rising to his full height to plant a kiss on your lips.

“I love you. God, I love you,” he whispers so delicately you knew it was only meant for you. You hold him tightly, words failing to accurately convey the measure of love you held for him and him alone. The rest of the evening is spent this way, wrapped in each other’s embrace, similar to most of the nights you share. Only now, you both wait with bated breath for the day when the sun will seep through your shared bedroom window and shine on your family of three, washing you all in a yellow glow and reminding you of how beautiful life can be.

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