#whatever harry uma and gils ship name is idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queeruma · 5 years

Text

Thoughts on Escape from the Isle of the Lost

under the cut because spoilers

good things

Celia is Fantastic. reads fortunes, cheeky, realises her own potential and does magic with her shadow. 10/10 would die for

Uma misses her crew, also it’s confirmed that she can create storms and generally affect the weather, and transform into more than one sea creature. in general she seems to be a natural when it comes to magic.

Harry is miserable bc uma’s not there. the crew are still on the ship.

‘But all she felt for this ragged, unruly crowd was deep empathy and affection. Mal wished they could all understand that there were greater things to live for than revenge or violence or pettiness, greed, and graft.’ mal is... suddenly the person most interested in helping the kids on the isle?? i’m not sure how I feel about it but if they’re going to position her as ‘the liberator’ then at least they’re making her act like it

Dr facilier is very fun and also the most decent parent we’ve seen by far

‘Mal would never forget her name, or who freed the Isle of the Lost: UMA.’ okay so at least uma’s still interested in freeing the isle, even if they’re implying it’s only because she knows mal wants to

MDLC has finally realised that it’s spelt ‘deux’, and not ‘doux’

bad things

idk basically everything else??

i might have said this before on this blog but MDLC is really, really bad at making the core four in any way sympathetic to me. this book is by far the worst from that standpoint.

we don’t get to see a lot of the core four actually being friends. they do stuff together (not even that much bc they’re constantly with their significant others instead), but that Bond between them just isn’t there.

carlos honest to god forgets that there’s nothing nice on the Isle. He brings his spa bathrobe with him. He was expecting a hotel. What on earth?????

jay just... doesn’t really think about the Isle. At All.

evie is still going on about kids ‘deserving’ to go to auradon.

mal has done a complete 180 and now loves doing all the things she hated doing in d2.

they’re all kind of spoiled now. it sucks.

dizzy is still on the isle. somehow no one is fighting very hard to get her to auradon anymore.

ben is suddenly way more like his parents in terms of his attitude towards the isle. he still wants to unite them eventually, but he and mal literally negotiate how many kids can come to auradon with him arguing for lower numbers and her arguing for higher. as far as I can tell, when Ben and Mal swapped saliva at the end of d2 they also swapped attitudes towards the isle

hades is whiny, annoying and pathetic. and Mal’s dad (at least they’re hinting Very Strongly at it). he doesn’t match the energy we’ve seen from cheyenne jackson in the trailers at all. we don’t hear a single one of the ideas from the meet hades trailer at any point.

the ‘evil plot’ between him and uma is.... just uma. who is only interested in revenge against mal now. no more interest in the isle. nope, we have to bring down the barrier just so uma can defeat mal.

There’s a royal council. It’s ben, king beast, queen belle, mal, and fairy godmother. they sit and eat scones, served by mrs potts, chip, lumiere and cogsworth. beast is very grumpy because people want to help the villain kids.

carlos’ name in their group chat is ‘c-dog’

‘Ben had sympathy for the kids on the Isle, but he wasn’t sure he really wanted his friends to go back there. Wasn’t it too dangerous?’ WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS FOR THE KIDS WHO ARE STUCK THERE, BEN

“Dangerous? Not to us,” scoffed Jay. “We know every trick in the book.” Jay. Baby. Last time you went back, you lost Ben in about 30 seconds despite two of you standing with him the entire time. The time before that, Maddy literally came this close to drowning Mal.

‘For a brief moment, back at the Auradon Cotillion, she had been a princess; she had stood on the deck of a magnificent ship, and Ben was hers. He had looked in her eyes with love—sure, he had been spelled, but who really cared? Except in the end, that’s all it was—a brief moment.’ SINCE WHEN IS THIS SOMETHING UMA WANTED. MELISSA TURN ON LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK

“Do we really need to discuss this right now?” King Beast yawned. GUILLOTINE. GUILLOTINE! SORRY BEN YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO BE LIKE THE REST OF THE CHARACTERS AND ONLY HAVE ONE PARENT.

“We hear from our people that Uma has been seen underwater. She’s out there, free to wreak havoc and do whatever she wants.” okay but has she though. or is she not bothering you at all. guys.

“It’s just, her mother… her mother almost destroyed my family.” yes. and then her mother was killed. and then YOUR FAMILY TOOK PART IN BRINGING HER BACK FROM THE DEAD AND IMPRISONING UMA FOR LIFE FOR HER MOTHER’S CRIMES

mal is aware that her mother is out there somewhere as a lizard.... and she does not give a damn.

apparently it has not occurred to any of the core four that maybe children shouldn’t have to apply to be able to have decent food. maybe try telling ben to stop sending them trash?? and start sending them stuff that’s edible instead of trying to convince them to come to auradon so they can eat

okay, so facilier’s like a semi-decent headmaster, even if it is of a school of evil. does he like.... get paid?? because he’s working with auradon here. i hate to bring this up disney but keeping someone in prison and forcing them to work for free is uhhhhhh. slavery.

‘if Celia deserved to get in to Auradon Prep, she would. But it would be on her own merit, not because the VKs swayed the committee.’ WHAT FUCKING MERIT EVIE. SHES LIKE 12. SHE DOESNT NEED TO EARN THE RIGHT NOT TO BE IN PRISON. YOU DIDNT FUCKING WELL HAVE TO.

gaston is a coach. this isn’t a massive problem but I feel like it kind of undermines jay’s relationship with his coach in d1?? also since when does gaston know literally anything about teamwork.

the Marry Hint

cj is back on the isle???

MDLC wrote out the whole of the under the sea mess and i understand it even less than before. was the entire thing a hallucination from hades??? why even put harry, gil and dizzy in there??? was uma using her necklace in some way? how much of it was hallucination?? did any of it happen??

doc brought up the goblins back in the first book. this is the fourth book. nothing has changed for them, except for the things that have got worse

................. mal’s friends seem to have forgotten that she can’t swim. apparently they’re not afraid of her drowning, despite her being stuck underwater.

mal can swim underwater as a dragon apparently??? yes, she’s definitely designed for rapid underwater movement

“A haircut? At this time of night?” asked Carlos. “I’ll never understand women.” first the friendzone comment in d2, now this??? why are they so determined to make carlos a Certified Heterosexual Bro™

they get the isle kids to watch them graduate. somehow this is written like it’s a good thing.

everyone forgets what happened on the isle. I can only assume this is MDLC’s way around the fact that it won’t be mentioned or thought of at any point during the movie

#eftiotl spoilers #h speaks #eftiotl

71 notes · View notes

illustratedbydae · 7 years

Text

Harry Hook x fem!reader || Consequences

requested; Harry Hook x reader + #1. “ You said it’s us against the world,” #9.“ How could you? I trusted you. ” #51.“ You weren’t supposed to love me,” & #53.“ Can’t you see? I’m broken. ”

summary; (Y/N) , daughter of Lady Tremaine, plays the role of a double agent, being part of Mal’s group and trying to befriend Uma’s crew only to get information, a certain pirate falls for her and she has to accept the consequences.

a/n: I hope you enjoy this! Sorry if it’s too sad, aye; (+ sorry if what I wrote doesn’t make sense, idk what I’m doing anymore. ) Also, remember requests are closed at the moment & my master list won’t be updated until 20 August or later, due to the fact that I’ll be traveling one week.

warnings !! ; mention of suicide, really depressing. Please don’t hate me.

master list

writing prompt list

part 2

“ Is this really necessary?” (Y/N) asked when Evie made her try the 10th garderobe, in her search for the ‘perfect look’, “ Of course, (Y/N) ! You need to fit into that pirate crew, remember what Mal said,-”

“ You can’t let anyone know who you are or else I’ll kick you out,” the both girl said in union, remembering how serious Mal was about this new plan of hers.

“ I just don’t get why she hates Uma so much, ” (Y/N) sighed

“ Something about their childhood, she never told me either,” Evie said while pulling out of her wardrobe another one of her pirate costumes she designed only for (Y/N), “ But I do know that if Mal kicks you out of our group, you’ll be on your own, she wouldn’t let me come see you ever again, ” Evie cried

“ That won’t happen, you’re my best friend, E. I’ll do whatever it takes to be in Mal’s group, for you.

(Y/N) closed her eyes, remembering how it all started, two years ago, when they were only fourteen years old.

She was the daughter of Lady Tremaine, no one really paid attention at her when she was young, her mother never really letting her leave the house, until one day when Evie found her.

Since then, the blue haired girl became her only friend and (Y/N) would do anything for her, that’s why she tried to be friends with Mal, whom only used her, and that’s why she agreed to spy on Uma, faking to be her friend.

No one knew (Y/N) was part of Mal’s group, the purple haired girl saying it was for the best, so she could be a true double agent.

Two years passed and (Y/N) did became good and what Mal made her to do; she could go all day over at Uma’s and stay with her , Harry and Gil , then go back at Mal to tell her everything she found out about them, not having any regrets.

That was until three months ago when Harry asked her out; the pirate flirted with her since the day she came to the chip shop , but lately he became serious about her, meaning everything, especially the fact that he loved her.

(Y/N) felt bad, not only because she lied to him and his friends since the first time they’ve met, but also because from the start she didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Especially not the guy that was the nicest with her.

” Earth to (Y/N)!“ Mal said annoyed, waving her hand in front of (Y/N)’s face, ” You with us?“

” Yeah, sorry, I just zoomed out. “

Mal rolled her eyes, ” You were saying that Uma will have a party tomorrow tonight ?“

(Y/N) nodded, letting Mal continue with her talking, ” That’s perfect. Then tomorrow we will hit big so she won’t forget about us, and you could finally stole faking to be her friend, “ Mal smirked wickedly

” Sure,“ (Y/N) said emotionless, ” I have to go now, I guess I’ll see you tonight to plot for your big move?“

” Exactly ! “

” (Y/N), wait, we need to talk, “ Evie said grabbing her friend’s hand and dragging her downstairs

” What is it , E ?“

” You’re hiding something. Every time you hide something, this little crinkle appears right between your brows.

“ I don’t have a crinkle ! ”

“ Yepp, there it is,” Evie said moving closer to (Y/N) face, “ Now, tell me what’s bothering you,”

“ Harry asked me out some time ago and he keeps bugging me with it,” she whispered

“ You’ll get rid of him tomorrow, right? Then you won’t have to see him ever again, “Evie smiled, but her beautiful charming smile faded when she saw the look on (Y/N)’s face, ” That’s not what happiness looks like,“ Evie pouted

” Tell me you don’t love him,“

And in that moment every memory she had with him popped up in her mind. His eyes, his smirk, the way he flirts, his specific smell , ” I can’t,“ (Y/N) said slowly, ” I can’t tell you that, Evie. Because I’d be lying.

Evie gasped, wrapping her hands around (Y/N), “ Oh holy crowns, what are we going to do now ?”

“ I have a plan, but you might not like it. ”

Harry was going to the small golf, in The west of the isle, the only spot where he could find new stuff , lost by others, to give his father to sell in his shop.

Once he arrived there, he placed his hook along with his hat , jacket and boots on a rock and went in the water to search for new good stuff.

He was placing every rock, shell and jewelry in his pockets, once he was done Harry glared at the place where he left his stuff, only to see a smiling (Y/N) standing besides them, “ Sunshine,” Harry smiled

“ Hi, Harry. ”

“ Why are you here, sunshine ?”

(Y/N) sighed, “ I needed to see you. ”

“ Have my charms got their way into ye heart ?” he joked, not expecting any serious answer from the girl that stole his heart.

She smirked, knowing that whatever she would say from now on, will have consequences, “ Maybe,”

Harry’s mouth dropped open, “ Excuse me? I don’t think I’ve heard you. What did you just say?”

“ Shut it , Hook. You know what I said. ”

“ I know,” he grinned ,“ But I wanted to hear you say it again , love. ”

“ Something will happen tomorrow, Harry,” she whispered, “ and I need you to remember something , okay?”

Now, Harry looked confused, but nodded automatically, “ You said it’s us against the world,” (Y/N) said, “ remember that tomorrow, please, ”

“ What’s happening tomorrow ?”

“ Nothing good, Harry,” she said getting up, “ But remember that what I said now it is true, this isn’t a lie,” (Y/N) muttered turning on her heels and leaving the golf, she needed to meet up with Mal in half an hour.

“ You’re planning what?” (Y/N) spat

“ The end of Uma and her crew,” Mal smirked

“ That’s a bomb, Mal! It will blow the whole ship, they’ll…die. ” (Y/N) said, not believing her ears what Mal wanted to do.

“ Exactly, we’ll get rid of them once and for all, wouldn’t it be great?” she asked glaring at Carlos, Jay and Evie, both boys nodded - too scared to say anything else.

“ It might be a little harsh, Mal, they don’t need to…die,” Evie muttered

“ What’s with you two?” Mal asked angrily, looking from Evie to (Y/N), “ Aren’t you on my side ?”

“ We are, but you just can’t go around and kill everyone you don’t like,” (Y/N) cried

“ If you don’t like my ways, then don’t come,”

“ Fine, ” she spat, leaving Mal’s lair.

(Y/N) tried to breathe fresh air and calm her racing heart, but she couldn’t. The girl jumped frightened when someone touched her shoulder, “ Sorry, didn’t want to scare you,” Evie spoke.

“ Evie?”

Evil Queen’s daughter smiled, “ Best friends forever, remember? Mal’s wrong with this. We should warn them, fast, since she wants to do it ..now. ”

(Y/N) grabbed Evie’s hand and started to run to Ursula’s shop, hoping they wouldn’t be too late.

When the two girls arrived on the docks, Mal, Carlos and Jay were already there, arguing with Uma, Gil and Harry.

(Y/N) took Evie on the ship, using the backstage door, mainly used only by Uma’s employees.

Evie and (Y/N) could clearly heard the arguing that was going on above them, making them both stop when Mal said (Y/N)’s name.

“ What is she doing?” (Y/N) whispered

Evie frowned, trying to listen carefully at what Mal was saying, “ Too bad that not all of us are here today to see your pirate crew fall. Evie and (Y/N) backed out at the last moment. ”

“ What are ye talking about? (Y/N)’s our friend,” Harry hissed

Instantly Evie grabbed (Y/N)’s hand, reassuringly, trying to make her friend feel better, but the girl almost lost it when she heard Mal talk again, “ Is she really? I think you never knew the true (Y/N) like I did,” Mal smirked.

“ What are you talking about?” Uma spat

“ She worked for me. She did my biting, (Y/N) was never your friend, she’s on my side,” Mal laughed

“ Am I? Think about all the pranks we made during those past two years, since you met her. How could we have known about every party you had or every plan you had if (Y/N) wasn’t the one to tell us? ”

Harry frowned, his eyes shutting for a moment. She wasn’t lying. He remembered how (Y/N) was there every time they planned an attack on Mal and then the next day the VKs knew.

He was beyond mad, how could she do something like this to them? To him?

“ We need to get out of here,” (Y/N) whispered, “ Wait, you’ll make things worse, ” Evie said catching up with her, but she wouldn’t listen.

When they arrived on top of the ship, everyone stared at them, until Harry finally spoke, “ How could ye? I trusted ye!” he cried, his crew knowing he was talking with (Y/N) while Mal was just confused - why would he care so much anyway?

“ Harry, let me explain, I wanted to fix things-”

Harry’s face was now red , anger being all over it, it drove him mad to know that it was really true ; she had betrayed him.

“ Can’t you see ? I’m broken,” Harry spat, “ You did this to me. ”

(Y/N) took a step forward, to him, “ I’m sorry, Harry, at first it was different,” she sobbed

“ Different? ”

Now everyone could see she was truly crying and no one, ever, cried on the isle of the lost, “ You weren’t supposed to love me, ” she cried, “ and I wasn’t supposed to love you. ”

Harry looked at her, trying to find any sign of lying , but he couldn’t find any, “ It’s us against the world, ” she said before running towards to Mal and grabbing her backpack - where the bomb was.

“ (Y/N) put it down ! ” Evie screamed, “ You’ll die! ”

“I’m sorry, ” (Y/N said looking at Harry, Uma and Gil, “ After the first few months, I wasn’t faking it, I really liked you guys,” she spoke firmly, moving closer to the edge of the boat, “ and Harry…it’s a shame we didn’t even got our first kiss,” (Y/N) smiled sadly, “ I guess these are the consequences of this whole act, Mal, ”

“ (Y/N) don’t do this-”

“ May we meet again,” the girl said while jumping into the dark waters with the bomb in her arms, trying to save the others.

In that moment everyone could hear Harry’s scream of agony as the bomb blew up , damaging only a small part of the ship; the pirate felt a hole forming in his chest - losing someone he really loved changed him, it broke him for real.

#harry hook x reader #harry hook #evie #descendants 2 #disney #thomas doherty #thomas doherty x reader #one shot #writing

239 notes · View notes

jaylos · 7 years

Text

Rant - Rise of the Isle of the Lost

(alternative title: i read rise of the isle of the lost so you don’t have to)

first off i’m probably biased but if you got something out of my opinions in the past then maybe you’ll find this interesting as well.

there are spoilers, obviously, but if you ask me, you really don’t have to read the book, save your money. (i put a short summary under the cut so you know what’s going on)

i’m gonna be honest this turned more into “i’m picking this book apart” than just a rant lmao. i blame the excessive amount of cinemasins i’ve been watching over the past few days.

and be warned - this is gonna be LONG and not very nice.

~summary if you haven’t read the book~ Arabella (Ariel’s niece) snatched the trident to fuck around, causes a storm, and loses it in the ocean. Waves carry it through the barrier to isle territory, because the barrier is penetrable for a short amount of time due to Arabella’s magic fuckery i think.

Uma hears a rumor that the trident is here, but she has no way to get to it before someone else finds it.

Captain Hook hosts a race where everyone can enter with anything that can swim, the price is a pirate ship. Uma wins the race and now has a ship and a pirate crew consisting of Harry, Gil and a few others.

Through Sophie (Yen Sid’s apprentice) they learn that Ursula’s golden seashell necklace is on the Isle of the Doomed (where Maleficent’s castle is) and they sail there to find it, because there’s enough magic left in it to guide them to the trident or something.

They find the trident but then Mal&Co show up.

While all this is happening Arabella tells the rotten four that she lost the trident, and through the magic mirror they find out where it is, and that a lot of people on the isle of the lost are looking for it, so they set out to find it first. FGM catches them as they try to steal a boat that belongs to Ben’s family, but Ben shows up to convince FGM that it was fine. The five of them then drive the boat to the barrier, where Mal pokes a hole and calls the trident to her, just as Uma is about to get her hands on it, overpowering Uma.

There’s also a sideplot where Ben goes to the great wall of China with Lonnie to solve a conflict between two villages but this is all totally irrelevant.

~end of summary~

and just to get this out of the way - don’t give me that “it’s a book for children” bs. just because it’s for a younger demographic doesn’t mean it can’t be good.

ok let’s start with the things i liked:

- Lonnie has a sword (which is a clear sign of lesbianism)

- Jane wants to do magic and she wants to help people fairy godmother style. i love this because 1. it gives her more personality and 2. it’s exactly how i imagined her lmao.

- Mal uses magic despite the magic ban.

- i like Gil, he’s kinda cute. and Harry too, and the dynamic between him and Uma and Gil. (ot3 anyone?)

now to the cons:

- Harry has this obsession with his hook (which he has to hold in his hand cause he still has both hands) which i find interesting, it has so much angst potential but i already know i’m gonna have to write a fic about that myself cause it’s gonna be hella disappointing in the movie because either 1. it’s not talked about at all or 2. it’s only good for a joke or two. (”oh no! my hook!” cue sitcom laugh track)

- the use of the word “guyliner”

- CJ is Harry’s younger sister, Harriet is his older sister. the gastons twins are gil’s brothers. Melissa de la Cruz *grasping at straws*: conSisTEnCy

- speaking of consistency, the anti-heroes club isn’t mentioned once, in case you were wondering.

- there’s another school besides dragon hall on the isle, it’s called Serpent Prep. like, i know there are characters (mostly Uma) who appear now for the first time without being mentioned before, ever. i can forgive that. but making up a whole new school just adds to the confusion of how big the isle actually is, and it’s also completely redundant. this world just feels like a car accident where more cars keep crashing into the wrecks that are already blocking the street.

- carlos being in favor of the magic ban. what. remember how he was a slave for the better part of his life? “people should learn to live without magic” suck my toe (i made another post about what i think of the magic ban here)

- idk if this is on melissa de la cruz or what but the writing is just. not good. the sentences are boring, the use of adverbs is weird, the characters are shallow, the worldbuilding is.. idk how to describe it. it’s like when you look at the window of a shop and it looks nice, but when you enter it’s empty. or like a cardboard facade.

- all the characters do and say the things that are most obvious for them, but nothing beyond that. there’s no life in the characters and the world doesn’t draw you in.

- also the pacing is awful. in my first reading session i read about a third but it felt like nothing had happened. there’s so much setting up (and most of it is boring, it feels like every character just appears for their mandatory line but it has no relevance) and i’m just waiting for the plot.

- janelos. if you’re a janelos shipper than good for you, but i’m not and i’m salty. they could have such a great platonic relationship, why why why does it have to be romantic? (don’t bother, i already know the answer) they had a scene together, which was kinda sweet (through my platonic goggles), but “her laugh is cute” is not fucking enough to make a romantic relationship believable.

their entire romantic relationship is built on “he was a boy, she was a girl” and nothing else.

- also devie. i’m pretty indifferent to this ship in general but the way it’s portrayed is so lackluster, like. doug shows up (for no other reason than showing up at least once in this book), is called evie’s boyfriend and that’s kinda it. we didn’t see how they got together, we don’t see what their relationship is like (except doug sorta putting evie on a pedestal), it’s just.. kinda there. wow. so much feeling.

there’s so much time wasted on meaningless worldbuilding that there’s no time left for giving life to the characters and their relationships. (actually there would be time, the book is not that long)

- (safe for uma, harry and gil) this book doesn’t even try to get me to like the main characters and completely relies on the fact that i already know and like them from preceding works.

- there’s always a parallel plot with Ben going on in every book, which is.. not terrible, but especially in this one it’s very distracting from the main plot, besides, what he’s doing is rarely all that interesting. he’s travelling with lonnie and they had a nice scene together but it ended before it got anywhere near interesting. (Lonnie was about to get character development but then it was about Ben the end)

- not that i dislike ben, or that i don’t care for what he’s doing, but his sideplot is kinda just there so that is already short book isn’t even shorter. in the last book it had at least something to do with what the others were doing, but this time it doesn’t have any significance to the main storyline whatsoever. imo they should’ve just cut the whole bit out and put this content somewhere else, idk, give him his own diary or something, but now it’s just annoyingly strewn throughout the actual story.

(edit: you know what nevermind, this whole plotline is bullshit i’m not even gonna go into it but they punch a whole into the great wall of china and i crave Death™)

- the room that is taken up by ben’s sideplot could’ve been used to elaborate the relationships between the characters, or the characters’ inner lives. this book does so much tell not show that everything feels flat. “they’re best friends, they’re boyfriend/girlfriend, they love each other very much” ya thanks for telling me but is anything gonna happen to back these statements up or

- there’s an entire page that’s basically a montage of the pirate crew repairing Uma’s ship and it’s hella redundant (just like 50% of the book tbh)

- somehow interesting scenes are left out and when the plot is picked up again it’s “this happened and now we’re somewhere else”.

- the other characters get a sideplot too, which would be nice except they all have like 1 character trait and it’s all pretty meaningless. plus, the chapters are all super short and jumping between plotlines all the damn time is annoying.

- new characters appear just to be a plot device. happened with freddie and maddie in book 2, happens now with Arabella in book 3. she’s the niece of Ariel, but we don’t know who her mother is (based on her being described as wearing purple i’m gonna guess it’s Alana) which is excuable because i guess you can’t expect the readers to know all the names of Ariel’s sisters, but it just adds to her being a throwaway character. $100 that Arabella won’t appear in dd2.

- actually, going off on a tangent about maddie here, wasn’t her background story basically the same as uma’s? that she was a friend of Mal’s when they were little? whatever happened to her, guess well never know cause she’s never gonna appear again.

- new things are made up just for convenience, or idk maybe it’s supposed to flesh out the world but it all feels so disjointed and loveless. the annual seaside festival (i think it’s called?) where king triton whips out the old trident to give Arabella an opportunity to lose the trident in the first place, the R.O.A.R. competiotion (i forgot what that’s short for too, but it’s a mix of parcour and fencing, whatever) just to give Jay some other purpose besides “is also there” instead of, idk, an actual personality and inner life (but the VK’s dealing with the aftermath of growing up on the Isle is probably too serious and scawy uwu) like idk it’s probably the same in a lot of other stories, but instead of giving life to this world it all feels meaningless (like 98% of wicked world tbh)

- Lonnie has an older brother who wants to launch a hiphop career, and his name is Li’l Shang, which is an absolute fucking joke and takes the cake for worst name in this franchise.

- Ursula’s golden seashell is on the isle because for some reason it didn’t make it to Auradon where it was supposed to be displayed at the museum. i get that they want to use what they can from disney movies but this is just bullshit. the seashell being on the isle makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

- the critical overuse of the word “swaggered”

- seriously it’s like de la cruz saw one of those “words to use instead of walked”- tumblr posts and picked two (swaggered and sauntered)

- almost halfway through, wondering if there’s gonna be a plot

the things in this story just sorta happen, there’s no real suspense curve.

- ok this is really subjective but “Lost Revenge” for a name for a ship is so unnecessarily edgy lmao

- i’m writing most of this stuff as i come across it and at this point i’m just groaning in agony. they just introduced a new character, Sophie, who is Yen Sid’s sorcerer’s intern. intern for sorcery. on the isle of the lost. sure. also, apparently yen sid brought her with him when he moved to the isle like???? i mean the people of auradon already didn’t give a shit about the children that were born on the isle, but they just let yen sid take a little girl with him??? what the fffffffff (also sophie is another throwaway character that will never appear again. i’m blaming this on the fact that there are approximately 462 different canons in this franchise and we don’t get the chance to get attatched to characters that only function as plot devices in whatever canon they appear in)

- a new character called Charlie is introduced as the village elder of Stone Village (china, next to the wall) and he’s only a few years older than ben. he’s the descendant of ??? (molly and arthur weasly, probably) (seriously this is a throwaway character if i’ve ever seen one)

- mal’s morals are inconsistent. she has no problem using her spellbook for minor inconveniences but doesn’t want to steal a boat because it’s not the auRaDOn wAy.

- evie scolding mal for using the spellbook too often because that way she’ll never learn to live without magic (yadda yadda) but she also does this when mal opens a gate with magic in order to get to the boat they are going to steal, even though the matter is pretty time-sensitive and they had no other way of getting around that gate. like i get the idea of “solving problems without magic”, but this was really not the time to play moralizer, evie.

- there’s a yacht club building and FGM is giving it a new coat of paint with her wand solving problems without magic eat my entire ass.

she keeps using her wand!!! what the fuck!!!!

- i’m not going to go into detail over this but everything falls into place so conveniently that there aren’t really any obstacles to overcome and every conflict is solved within a matter of sentences.

- there are small cliffhangers every 200 words because it keeps jumping between plotlines. before you even get the chance to get into one of the plotlines it’s over again and it takes ages for anything to move along cause the stories keep interrupting each other.

- i’m losing my fucking mind over here as we speak. FGM catches the rotten four trying to steal a boat and she seriously thinks sending them back to the isle is an appropriate punishment. this is absolutely ludicrous and completely disproportionate. “this is exactly what we feared when we let villains into Auradon” they! are! children! (i know technically they’re teens but this doesn’t change the fact that imprisoning them on the isle again is super fucking cruel) i can’t believe how terribly literally everything is handled in this goodforsaken fantasy world. (not to mention that this is an insult to the character of FGM)

- so it’s been established that Mal can turn back time and she uses it when Uma reaches the trident. mal turns back time, uma doesn’t have the trident yet. so far so good, right?

look, i know time travel stuff is always prone to plotholes, but this is just ridiculous. 1. when she first uses it she comes to the conclusion “those with villain blood appear to be immune”, because evie wasn’t affected by it. it works on uma (though she remembers reaching the trident but doesn’t understand what happened) and it’s not made clear how it actually affects someone with villain blood. the setup for this whole shtick was weak. idk if i explained that well enough but you can ask me if you want a more detailed explanation i still have salt left lmao. 2. through carlos we know the others felt it happending, but what about ben? they don’t explain it to him even though he should have no memory of mal turning back time. 3. this book had all the time in the world to make this universe’s rules of time travel a little more clear (like why did nothing happen to both uma’s row boat and the speedboat? do objects not get set back in time too?) 4. one rule was explained tho: “it only turns back time to the top of the hour, and only if it’s been less than fifteen minutes” so mal might only have turned back time for like 1 minute, which would explain why the boats remain in the same spot, but it doesn’t change the fact that everything conveniently falls into place again because it just so happens to be *just* the right time for it to work (meaning no more than 15 minutes after a full hour) which in turn makes me wonder why this “top of the hour” rule was established in the first place. they could’ve just left that bit out and this whole thing wouldn’t be another case of dumb luck for the protagonists. i guess i’ll just go fuck myself.

- ok safe for that time travelling bs the last third is actually a lot okay-er than the rest. there was a cool scene where harry fell down a hole and was scared an panicking. this and the whole pirate-crew-escapes-from-a-trap-filled-cave was the best part of the book imo.

- after the great showdown between uma and mal (where they’re not actually face to face due to the barrier and thick fog, which is kind of a cool way to safe their encounter for the movie, i’ll give them that) mal stumbles backwards when she caught the trident and accidentally knocks evie overboard, which is completely unnecessarily dramatic, because the climax is already over, and is just there to show once again how gay mal and evie are for each other, without actually delivering. same old. (there’s also a scene where evie looks at mal “with a fond smile” while she’s sleeping like come on. those two scenes contain more feeling than any interaction between ben and mal ever. and at the end there is an exchange between the two that literally, like word for word, draws parallels to an interaction between ben an mal like are you kidding me)

- Evie says several times that Mal shouldn’t use magic, which is not too out of character i guess, i mean Evie has enough baggage concerning magic that this is believable.

she did use her mirror a lot, which is clearly magic, but somehow this is different from mal solving a problem with her spellbook?? hypocritical much. and it kinda retcons on the whole setup of her not being comfortable with magic.

in the end she gives her mirror to the museum, but it wasn’t her idea. it would’ve tied in with her previous statements a lot better if she herself had been like “i should give up my mirror so i have consistent characterization”

- Audrey dumps Chad for reasons unknown. not that i care all that much about that ship (i do think it’s interesting tho) but idk is this just so the movie doesn’t have to explain why they aren’t together anymore? (would be kinda lazy) felt like it was just there for cheap laughs.

- i’m surprised Jay didn’t get an Obligatory Love Interest™ but actually i’m not surprised because none of the writers care about jay.

- you might remember R.O.A.R. (the fencing/sword fighting-parcour-clusterfuck-sport). so chad was the captain of the team and has practised sword fighting all his life, but jay manages to beat him after a total amount of? 3? or so hours of training? and immediately becomes the new captain? bull

- also jay is supposedly really good at parcour, right? but he needed to practise wall jumps cuz his technique was bad or something for some reason. why tho. isn’t parcour his forte and why did carlos make the team before jay did. like not saying he can’t do roar but come on.

honestly tho, i kinda set myself up for this. i mean i already didn’t like the second book but for some reason i thought this one was going to be different.

the writing, characterization, worldbuilding etc. is just really lazy to me, and tbh i think it just exists to squeeze more money out of this franchise.

other people with different expectations and lower standards for writing might enjoy this tho idk

#disney descendants #rise of the isle of the lost #rise of the isle of the lost spoilers #rant

33 notes · View notes