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#what good sister wives to Shirley too
waugh-bao · 2 years
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Mick and Keith looking after Charlie’s daughter Seraphina (1969)
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babylon-crashing · 4 years
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womanslaughter, by pat parker
It doesn’t hurt as much now
the thought of you dead doesn’t rip at my innards
leaves no holes to suck rage
now thoughts of the four daughters of Buster Cooks
children, survivors of Texas hell
survivors of soul-searing poverty
survivors of small-town mentality
survivors, now three
doesn’t hurt as much now ...
1 – AN ACT
I used to be fearful
of phone calls in the night
never in the day
Death like the vampire fears the sun
never in the day
“Hello, Patty?”
“Hey big sister,
what’s happening,
how’s the kids?”
“Patty, Jonesy shot Shirley ---
She didn’t make it.”
Hello, Hello Death?
don’t you know it’s daytime?
the sun is much to bright today
Hello, Hello, Death?
you made a mistake
came here to soon, again.
Five months, Death.
My sisters and I just met
in celebration of you ---
We came, the four strong
daughters of Buster Cooks
and buried him ---
We came, the four strong
daughters of Buster Cooks
and took care of his widow.
We came, the four strong
daughters of Buster Cooks
and shook hands with his friends.
We came, the four strong
daughters of Buster Cooks
and picked the right flowers.
We came, the four strong
daughters of Buster Cooks
walked tall & celebrated you.
We came, the four strong
daughters of Buster Cooks
and notified insurance companies,
arranged social security payments,
gathered the sum of his life.
“We must be strong for mother.”
She was the third daughter of Buster Cooks
I am the fourth.
And in his death, we met.
The four years that separated us --- gone.
And we talked.
She would divorce the quiet man.
Go back to school --- begin again.
Together we would be strong
& take care of Buster’s widow.
The poet returned to the family,
the fourth daughter came home.
Hello, Hello Death
What’s this you say to me?
Now there are three.
We came, the three sisters
of Shirley Jones,
& took care of her mother.
We picked the right flowers,
contacted insurance companies,
arranged social security payments,
and cremated her.
We came, the three sisters
of Shirley Jones
We were not strong.
“It is good,” they said,
“that Buster’s dead
he would surely kill
the quiet man.”
2 – JUSTICE
There was a quiet man
He married a quiet wife
Together they lived
a quiet life.
Not so, not so
her sisters said,
the truth comes out
as she lies dead.
He beat her.
He accused her
of awful things,
& he beat her.
One day she left.
“Hello, Hello Police?
I am a woman
& I am afraid
my husband means to kill me.”
She went to her sister’s house
She, too, was a woman alone.
The quiet man came & beat her.
Both women were afraid.
“Hello, Hello Police?
I am a woman
& I am afraid
my husband means to kill me.”
The four strong daughters
of Buster Cooks
came to bury him ---
the third one carried a gun.
“Why do you have a gun?”
“For protection --- just in case.”
“Can you shoot it?”
“Yes, I have learned well.”
“Hello, Hello Police?
I am a woman
& I am afraid
my husband means to kill me.”
“Lady, there’s nothing we can do
until he tries to hurt you.
Go to the judge and he will decree
that your husband leaves you be.”
She found an apartment
with a friend
She would begin
a new life again
Interlocutory Divorce Degree in hand;
The end of the quiet man.
He came to her home
& he beat her
Both women were afraid.
“Hello, Hello Police?
I am a woman alone
and I am afraid
my ex-husband means to kill me.”
“Fear not, lady,
he will be sought.”
it was too late
when he was caught
one day, a quiet man
shot his quiet wife
three times in the back.
He shot her friend as well.
His wife died
The three sisters
of Shirley Jones
came to cremate her ---
They were not strong.
3 - SOMEBODY’S TRIAL
“It is good,” they said,
“that Buster’s dead
he would surely kill
the quiet man.”
I was not at the trial.
I was not needed to testify.
She slept with other men, he said.
No, said her friends.
No said her sisters.
That is a lie.
She was Black.
You’re White.
Why were you there?
We were friends, she said.
I was helping her move
the furniture; the divorce court
had given it to her.
Were you alone, they asked?
No two men came with us.
They were gone with the load.
She slept with women, he said.
No, said her friends.
No said her sisters.
That is a lie.
You live with this woman?
Yes, said her friend.
You slept in the same bed?
Yes, said her friend.
Were you lovers?
No, said her friend.
But you slept in the same bed?
Yes, said her friend.
What should be done with this man?
Is it a murder of first degree?
No, said the men
It is a crime of passion.
He was angry.
Is it a murder of second degree?
Yes, said the men,
but we will not call it that.
We must think of his record.
We will call it manslaughter.
The sentence is the same.
What will we do with this man?
His boss, a White man, came.
This is a quiet Black man, he said.
He works well for me
The men sent the quiet
Black man to jail.
He went to work in the day.
He went to jail & slept in the night.
In one year he went home.
4 – WOMAN-SLAUGHTER
“It is good,” they said,
“that Buster’s dead
he would surely kill
the quiet man.”
Sister, I do not understand.
I rage and do not understand.
In Texas, he would be freed.
One Black kills another,
one less Black for Texas.
But this is not Texas
This is California.
The city of angels.
Was his crime so slight?
George Jackson served
years for robbery.
Eldridge Cleaver served
years for rape.
I know of a man in Texas
who is serving 40 years
for possession of marijuana.
Was his crime so slight?
What was his crime?
He only killed his wife.
But a divorce, I say.
Not final, they say.
Her things were his,
including her life.
Men cannot rape their wives.
Men cannot kill their wives.
They passion them to death.
The three sisters
of Shirley Jones
came & cremated her.
& they were not strong
Hear me now ---
It is almost three years,
& I am again strong.
I have gained many sisters.
And if one is beaten,
or raped, or killed,
I will not come in mourning black.
I will not pick the right flowers.
I will not celebrate her death
& it will matter not
if she’s Black or White ---
if she loves women or men.
I will come with my many sisters
and decorate the streets
with the innards of those
brothers in womanslaughter.
No more can I dull my rage
in alcohol & deference
to men’s courts.
I will come to my sisters,
not dutiful,
I will come strong.
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My copy of WomanSlaughter I bought at People Called Women, Ohio’s only feminist bookstore. Margaret Murphy, thank you for sharing, your book is being well loved.
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tabloidtoc · 4 years
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National Examiner, November 9
You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks
Cover: Beloved stars who lost their wives -- how they learned to love again after tragedy 
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Page 2: These starstruck celebs have tickets to outer space -- Richard Branson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Katy Perry, Brad Pitt, Lance Bass, Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis 
Page 3: Tom Hanks, Rihanna, Justin Bieber, Kate Winslet, James Cameron, Charlize Theron 
Page 4: Shirley MacLaine -- her many costumes 
Page 6: Tony’s Mystic World -- the power of wind 
Page 7: A Texas dad has really got the moves -- he dances wildly outside the hospital where his son is being treated for cancer so the 14-year-old can look out his window and have a laugh, a 12-year-old boy is so smart he is making history as the youngest person to study aerospace engineering at prestigious Georgia Tech, a California man saw his four kids needed a way to organize their distance-learning supplies but he didn’t just build four desks -- he built 40 and all within one week 
Page 9: Happy 95th birthday Angela Lansbury -- paying tribute to her long and lively career 
Page 10: An 83-year-old Florida man who collapsed from heat exhaustion got a surprise when first responders came to revive him and finish mowing his lawn 
Page 11: Your Health -- should you get a Covid test?, fascinating facts about your blood type 
Page 12: Tom Hanks’ hell -- how he and wife Rita Wilson survived COVID-19 
Page 14: Dear Tony -- take immediate action to banish negativity, Tony predicts Blackpink are going to take the music world by storm just as the Spice Girls did 
Page 15: Bob Barker has been retired from his hosting duties on The Price Is Right since 2007 but he still tunes in to watch 
Page 16: Dynasty stars -- where are they now? -- Linda Evans, Joan Collins, John Forsythe, Heather Locklear, John James, Pamela Sue Martin 
Page 18: Jane Fonda too busy for sex 
Page 19: Many humans who are cat companions already know the magic of the slow blink but now science has confirmed it is possible to make your cat’s heart grow fonder by using this little trick 
Page 20: Cover Story -- they lost their wives and learned to love again -- Liam Neeson, Paul McCartney 
Page 21: Pierce Brosnan, John Travolta 
Page 22: NYC-based artist Robert Fontanelli conceptualized these one-of-a-kind masks during lockdown 
Page 24: Country legend Willie Nelson and his big sister Bobbie Nelson have been so close all their lives that they’ve just written a book together 
Page 25: Folks feel festive in the fall -- they love the food and the fun and the fashions 
Page 26: Your Stars and Your Money -- what does your sign say about your saving and spending
Page 30: The Good Doctor -- smart and surprising uses for used tea bags, reasons you feel burning in your feet 
Page 31: Long-lasting hiccups -- see a doctor if they don’t stop after 2 days 
Page 32: Ear device fixes tummy troubles, it’s the great pumpkin health boost, meningitis is a special worry for seniors 
Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Kelly Clarkson says her kids are in therapy to help them cope with her split from husband Brandon Blackstock, Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner are reuniting once more for the last season of The Komisky Method, Tom Cruise and producer Jerry Bruckheimer were named honorary naval aviators for their high-flying work in Top Gun, with the success of the Spice Girls reunion tour Mel C is all for moving ahead with a biopic project about the British girl group, Yolanda Hadid became a grandma when model daughter Gigi Hadid had her own little girl with Zayn Malik 
Page 45: Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo Jr. ride electric bikes around NYC (pic), Diane von Furstenberg inside her Manhattan store (picture), Monica Aldama and Valentin Chmerkovskiy at Dancing with the Stars rehearsal (picture), tragedy has struck Robert Redford as his son James died 
Page 46: A house-hunting chicken wandered into the Sanders’ home one day and decided to stay and now he rules the roost of the hen-pecked family and they couldn’t be happier 
Page 47: The 2021 Australian Firefighters calendar 
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newyorktheater · 6 years
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The Broadway composer Richard Rodgers found four things invariably gratifying: “eating, a warm bath, making love and having a successful show.”
But how gratifying is it to read about successful shows – or the people who’ve created them?
That’s the question that lingers over two recently published Broadway biographies — Something Wonderful: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Broadway Revolution  (Henry Holt, 2018, 386 pages) by Todd S. Purdum and Renaissance Man: The Lin-Manuel Miranda Story An Unauthorized Biography (Riverdale Avenue Books, 2018, 184 pages) by Marc Shapiro Both are about people who created Broadway musicals that became cultural phenomena. But they differ so radically in quality it’s almost an offense to consider them together.
Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein
South Pacific, 1949. Ezio Pinza an Mary Martin
Carousel (1945 – 1947 Broadway) Music by Richard Rodgers; Book and Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II Directed by Rouben Mamoulian Shown from left: Jan Clayton, John Raitt
The King and I 1951. Gertrude Lawrence and Yul Brynner.
Oklahoma! (1955) Directed by Fred Zinnemann Shown from left: Gordon MacRae, Shirley Jones, Charlotte Greenwood
Sound of Music (1959-1963, Broadway) Music by Richard Rogers, Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein, Book by Howard Lindsay & Russel Crouse Directed by Vincent J. Donehue Shown from left: (top) Mary Martin, Joseph Stewart, Kathy Dunn, William Snowden, Lauri Peters; (front) Marilyn Rogers, Evanna Lien, Mary Susan Locke
from left to right: Richard Rodgers, Dorothy Hammerstein, Dorothy Rodgers, Oscar Hammerstein. Both their wives were named Dorothy, and both were interior decorators.
Composer Richard Rodgers and lyricist/librettist Oscar Hammerstein II together wrote some half dozen musicals between 1943 and 1959 that were the most popular Broadway shows of their time. The songs from these musicals remain among the most beloved and familiar of any that have ever been sung on Broadway. Todd Purdum, a former White House correspondent for the New York Times and current writer for Politico, devotes a chapter to each of these shows – Oklahoma, Carousel, South Pacific, The King and I, The Sound of Music. We learn where the ideas came from; how Hammerstein figured out the right lyrics (Rodgers’ process was more mysterious and often instantaneous), how the initial productions came together, how the public and the critics reacted. But the author spends almost as much time on some of the movie adaptations of these hits, and on the Rodgers and Hammerstein shows that weren’t hits – Allegro, Me and Juliet, Pipe Dream, Flower Drum Song. And the first two of the book’s 11 chapters are taken up with the individual careers of the two men before they started collaborating with each other. Both had successful partnerships with other theater artists – Oscar Hammerstein with composer Jerome Kern, most notably on Show Boat; Rodgers with lyricist Larry Hart, whose 28 stage musicals together included Pal Joey and On Your Toes. And then there are the shows Purdum writes about that Rodgers and Hammerstein produced but didn’t write, most notably “Annie Get Your Gun,” which they lured Irving Berlin into scoring. And the author also goes into some depth about the projects that each man undertook separately in-between their collaborations, such as “Carmen Jones,” Hammerstein’s adaptation of Bizet’s opera “Carmen” transposed to the American South with an all African-American cast. (A revival of ‘Carmen Jones” is opening this month at the Classic Stage Company) All of this information is well researched and competently written. There are plenty of memorable tidbits. The night after “Oklahoma!” opened, we’re told, the house sold out for the next four years. During “The Sound of Music,” lead actress and investor Mary Martin had befriended a theater-loving nun, who became an advisor on the show. Among Sister Gregory’s advice: “ Please don’t have the nuns giggle. Chuckle, laugh— and even explode with laughter, but not giggle.” Yet after a while, with so much covered in its 320 pages of text, “Something Wonderful” (the title is taken from a song in “The King and I”) feels more like “Many Wonderful Things,” and occasionally even “Too Many Wonderful Things.” One begins to wonder: What’s the point of this book? And also: Why now? Rodgers died in 1979, Hammerstein in 1960. (There’s an entire chapter on what Rodgers did in the years after Hammerstein died; and more details about each of their end-of-life illnesses than I was eager to learn.) Certainly I can be excused for assuming that the book would take advantage of the passage of time to offer fresh critical perspectives. But any critical evaluations are perfunctory – largely brief excerpts from contemporary reviews. The author does offer a line or two of analysis here and there: “If Oklahoma! had satisfied wartime America’s longing for a simpler time and Carousel had tapped into the returning servicemen’s familiarity with death, South Pacific offered a dramatization of a conflict that was still visceral for millions.” But that doesn’t explain why the shows are still popular. A brief section in the Epilogue makes the current case for Rodgers and Hammerstein shows as if they’re under attack, but, again, by briefly quoting critics. Instead of critical insights, Purdum opts for a compact historical overview of two impossibly fruitful careers. We learn that during his lifetime Rodgers had written the music for some 900 songs, and Hammerstein had written the lyrics for 1,589. (The 1,589th was Edelweiss from The Sound of Music. By the end of “Something Wonderful” I can’t claim to have gotten a firm handle on either theater artist – not what made them great, nor even a vivid sense of what they were like as individuals. It is hard to blame the author for this. Mary Rodgers, Richard’s daughter and an accomplished composer in her own right, is quoted as saying: “I don’t think anybody ever knew who he really was, with the possible exception of one of the five psychiatrists he went to.” Stephen Sondheim (Hammerstein’s protégée and Rodgers one-time, unhappy collaborator) is reduced to a kind of unhelpful Zen description of the two: Hammerstein as a man of limited talent but infinite soul, and Rodgers as a man of infinite talent but limited soul. Still, “Something Wonderful” is a reasonably good read about two theater artists whose work remains familiar and beloved 75 years after they first started collaborating.
“The Sound of Music” was one of the many original Broadway cast albums lying around in the Miranda household when Lin-Manuel was growing up in Inwood, we learn in “Renaissance Man: The Lin-Manuel Miranda Story.” Hunter College Elementary School put on Oklahoma when Miranda was in the fourth grade. His senior thesis at Wesleyan was an analysis of the lyrics of Alan Lerner, Stephen Sondheim…and Oscar Hammerstein. So, yes, Rodgers and Hammerstein were among Lin-Manuel’s many influences in an eclectic cultural upbringing that featured, among many other things – as Renaissance Man reminds us — his parents’ many original cast albums, a school bus driver who loved rap, early exposure to Disney animated films, a household full of Puerto Rican culture, schooling that emphasized the arts, especially theater. “Renaissance Man” by Marc Shapiro (who specializes in “unauthorized” celebrity biographies)  is a cut-and-paste job, splicing together facts and quotes gathered from newspaper articles and blog posts and podcasts and speeches. This alone wouldn’t necessarily be reason to condemn it. As with “Something Wonderful,” there should be some appeal in revisiting Lin-Manuel Miranda’s extraordinary story, even though it is by this point so thoroughly familiar – how he created “In The Heights” starting when he was a sophomore at Wesleyan; followed by the six year journey to create “Hamilton.” We can even appreciate being reminded of some of Miranda’s other activities as writer and rapper and actor – his improvisational rap group Freestyle Love Supreme, his work on other Broadway shows (co-composing Bring It On The Musical; writing the Spanish translations for a West Side Story revival) the his songwriting for the animated Disney film Moana and a Star Wars movie; his appearance as himself in Fatwa: The Musical in Curb Your Enthusiasm, his forthcoming role in the movie Mary Poppins Returns All of this is mentioned in “Renaissance Man: The Lin-Manuel Miranda Story,” but we don’t wind up caring. The book could hardly be a worse read. It’s poorly written, cliché-ridden, and so full of typos and obvious errors that one wonders what else the author got wrong. (It’s the Outer Critics Circle Awards, not The Outer City Circle Awards. It’s the Eugene O’Neill Theater Center. Miranda’s friend Chris Hayes is sometimes spelled Chris Harris; Hamilton performer Daveed Diggs is sometimes referred to as David.) Marc Shapiro uses the word “literal” or “literally” incorrectly so many times (“Miranda was a literal babe in the woods”…”Miranda was literally over the moon…”) that I stopped counting. There is no intelligent or even cogent insight into Miranda or his shows, and virtually no original reporting. The only apparent interview the author conducted was with one Irv Steinfink, Miranda’s 11th grade Social Studies teacher, said he assigned him to do a report on the Hamilton-Burr duel “It was a good paper. He got an A on it. As I think about it now, it may have actually been an A plus.” There are so many hilariously awkward sentences and extended forays into incoherence that I briefly wondered whether Renaissance Man was secretly a spoof. Here is a typical paragraph, which purports to explain the reason for the book: “That Lin-Manuel Miranda has emerged as the pop composer/literal renaissance man of his time was the logical reason to profile his life. Hamilton is on everybody’s lips and so, in the immortal words of the publishing bard, strike while the iron is hot became the order of the day. But it soon became something a bit more than cashing in on the latest big thing.” Actually, “Renaissance Man: The Lin-Manuel Story” is never anything more than an attempt to cash in on the latest big thing.
New Broadway Biographies: Lin-Manuel Miranda, Rodgers and Hammerstein The Broadway composer Richard Rodgers found four things invariably gratifying: “eating, a warm bath, making love and having a successful show.”
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romancandlemagazine · 4 years
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An Interview with Tony Pikes
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This interview was first published in 2014. R.I.P. Tony Pikes.
You may know Tony Pikes as the moustachioed bartender in the video for Wham’s 1983 smash hit, Club Tropicana. But not only is he a great dancer with a penchant for neckerchiefs, he’s also the founder of Ibiza’s real life Club Tropicana, Pike’s Hotel. Famously the location for Freddy Mercury’s 41st birthday blow-out, this place has long been associated with decadence, hedonism and downright sleazy behaviour. By some bizarre turn of events I found myself sat with Tony. It would have been rude not to ask him a few questions.
Here’s the context — we’re sat next to his purple tennis court, it’s two in the afternoon and Tony, who has just celebrated his 80th birthday, is still up from the night before. He has a habit of deviating from the questions I ask him and going off on long-winded tangents, but seeing as he’s been up all night, I suppose I could hardly expect concise answers. I start by asking what brought him to Ibiza…
What makes you go anywhere in life? Fate — complete fate. I don’t believe in God, I believe in destiny, that’s two different things. I’ve always chased the rainbow. I’m not stupid. I work hard and I play hard. I learnt at a very early age that you can’t play hard if you don’t work hard. I started without a penny, I had an inferiority complex, I couldn’t speak to people, I was nervous because of my childhood. I was bullied by my older brother. I’ve moved on from there.
Now I meet with the best people in the world. It’s just worked out very well. These are people from all stretches of life. I sit up there every morning and have breakfast and I see a new customer coming in like a bantam cockerel with his chest out.
“Are you Tony Pikes? What’s all the hype about, it’s a fucking farmhouse,” he’ll say.
“Can you ask me that question in 24 hours?” I’ll say.
22 hours lately he’ll come up to me and say, “Tony, forgive me, I didn’t realise. I thought I was a really important man and now I realise I’m just part of the team.” And that’s what I want, for everybody to be equal.
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The sign at the bottom of the road that lead’s to Pike’s Hotel
You were exiled from Australia, you worked selling yachts and you had been shipwrecked in the Caribbean. Then you landed up here. What was your plan? Did you always want to open a hotel?
No, not at all — it was destiny. I had a house in the Côte d’Azur that was apparently owned by Napoléon’s sister. It was a picturesque little house. I held a dinner party and one of the guests stood up with a fork and started scratching away at all the plaster. I said, “What the fuck are you doing?”
He said, “Tony, when these houses were built they were constructed with timber. I’m sure there will be timber underneath this thing. So he carried on, and there was a beam. He said if you strip all of this off it will be beautiful.
I took his advice and the next day I brought builders in and they stripped it all off so it was all beams. So I oiled them with linseed and they were beautiful. I stayed there for three years. Then things went wrong so I moved on.
A friend of mine had moved to a place I’d never heard of called Ibiza and when he came back, he said, “Mate, you must go to Ibiza.”
What year’s this?
I came here on the first of June 1978, so this must have been in ’76. If anyone had said that to me I wouldn’t believe it, but we used to hold parties together in Bangkok. So when he said to me to come here, I believed him. I came over here in March for ten days and there was nobody here because it was winter time. But I had a feeling for it. So I came back in June.
Now Spanish people are fairly short. I’m not really a big man, but in Japan I am. When I’m there I wear a kimono, but I have to have one made for me as I’m too tall. And so when I looked over the side of the boat there was a guy standing head and shoulders above the rest. It was a mate of mine from Sydney called Pete Middleton. He was a typical Australian, always swearing. I had a Méhari (editors note: a Méhari is a small off-road Citroën) at the time and Pete, who was very athletic, leapt over the windscreen and landed in the seat next to me.
“Come on Pikey I’ll show you the island, I’ve been here for a week, I’ll get a Sheila for you,” he said.
I said, “Look Pete, all I want is a bed. I was at a party for 48 hours in Antibes, I’ve had a day’s drive to Barcelona in this Méhari that won’t go over 60kmh with so much wind-force that I’m going backwards. I’ve been to Majorca and now I’m here five days without sleeping. I’ve got to have some sleep. I’m a human; I’m not a machine.
He said, “You’re bloody senile, you used to be good fun Pikey, how old are you now?
“I’m nearly fifty,” I said.
“Nearly fifty? You’re a fucking child, what’s your problem?”
I said, “Mate, I just told you I’m shot. I’m a mere mortal, I need rest.” Then all of a sudden this Seat Panda drives past with a woman in. I honked the horn, but this was no a klaxon — it was a wounded cat with no guts. I got behind her but I couldn’t overtake her as it was a narrow road with one lane, just like it is now. So I got two wheels on the soft shoulder, which is very dangerous, and I’m going by and I look up and she’s a nice, pretty girl. I eventually managed to get in front of her but she smashed in to me.
“What’s the problem?” she said.
“There’s no problem, what are you doing for dinner tonight?” I said.
“Is that all?” she said.
“What do you mean is that all? I’m going to change your life.” And I did — I changed her life. We started this place together. We bought an apartment that was being built in the island’s first high rise, but when we came back there were just mounds of gravel and sand and nothing had been done. It was blacklisted by the authorities. It was all unsafe. The builder had put gas pipes, water pipes and electricity all in the same conduit. It was disastrous.
So we had a coffee, feeling a bit miserable and then walked up the road, just past an estate agent’s window. And in that window was a five hundred year old finca in San Antonio. I said, “That’ll be fresh air sweetheart, let’s go there.”
So we came here and it just had a feel about it, I don’t know what, but we both felt something. We got a bottle of wine, put a rope on the neck and swung it down. We got pissed too as it was hot. She said, “Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could forget husbands and wives and divorces and stay here together.
I said, “Why can’t we?”
“Well, you haven’t got any money.”
I said, “Don’t mind that, if I want to do something I put my mind to it then I’ll do it.”
So I got this idea of not making a hotel, but a house. And it just started from there.
How long was it until word got out?
From the word go. I sold boats from a marina in France to Peter Sellers, Roger Moore and Shirley Bassey, so I was used to those sort of people. I’ve always been a yachtsman and a businessman. I didn’t have a childhood and I had a tough life, but I started to get the feeling for a good life. I thought if I work hard I can get it, and I have — I’ve got a world-wide reputation. It’s been a long, long road and it hasn’t been easy. People say I’m lucky, but I’m not lucky, I’m fortunate and I’ve worked my arse off.
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A washed-up speedboat found a few metres from Pike’s Hotel
You said you were very introverted when you were young, what changed you?
I felt success. The island is kind. If you work hard you can make it. This is the countryside, there’s no water, no electricity, no road and no facilities but I had this vision that one day I’d make it like it is now. This took me twenty years. But I wasn’t in a hurry because when you’re young, then you don’t feel you’re ever going to get old. But you do get old.
How old are you now?
I’m 80.
You look well for 80.
I feel very well. My doctor said I’m a walking medical miracle. He said, “I know you take a lot of blow up the nose and copious quantities of alcohol but I’d trade my internal organs for yours tomorrow — you should be dead.
I’m doing everything I shouldn’t do but I’m 80 and I feel great. I’ve been married five times and I’m engaged to my sixth wife. We were going to get married last year on the 35th anniversary of the hotel, but she rang me up from Vienna and said, “Tony why did you lie to me?”
She said, “I’ve been speaking to two friends of yours and they said she couldn’t marry me because I was already married.”
I said, “Oh bullshit, what would they know about it?”
So I phoned my wife in Dubai and said, “Are we still married?”
“Baby, you know we are. We went to get divorced, we got everything ready for it but when we got to the bank you didn’t have any money and I wanted two and a half million euros.”
I said, “You’re worth every penny.” I was with her for 14 years — she was a good wife. So I sold the hotel to get the money, which is a shame. But now they’re saying they want me to say. I’ve got a room for life here.
After all these years is there any night here that particularly stands out?
There are a lot of them. I guess Freddie Mercury’s party. He called me into his room one day that used to be called Julio’s room. He said, “Why’s it called Julio’s room?”
I said, “It’s named after Julio Iglesias, the international singer.”
“What about me?” he said. “Where’s the Freddie room?”
I said, “You keep singing and one day maybe you’ll get your room.” I was being facetious but I had a great rapport with him.
His birthday was the biggest private party on the island. But all the parties have been good. This life is different. I live in utopia.
What about the days when you need to go to the supermarket or sort your bills out?
No, I don’t do that. That’s mundane stuff. I live life to the full every day. It’s what keeps me young.
Have you got any regrets in life?
Nope, no regrets.
Being an 80 years old man living in utopia, what would your advice be to someone slightly younger?
In my opinion the only way you can make it is to work your arse off. I started without a penny and no education but I know how to work. When I started this place with my girlfriend we used to go down to San Antonio early in the morning, pick up all the derelicts sleeping on the beach and I’d line them up like Lee Marvin in the Dirty Dozen and say, “Listen, you’ve got the job. I’ll pay you 150 pesetas an hour and if you do your work you’ve got the job. Work half as much as me and I’ll pay you.”
Most of them by noon were finished. They’d all gone across the fields. It was very, very difficult to get the place built. And then you’ve got planning coming up and asking you if we’ve got permission and they’d try and shut you down.
I’ve been put in prison here. I was put in a pit. You go down there and the police are four stories above you with rifles and you’re in a dirt pit looking up. Now one guy there spoke English. He said, “Tony, you’re a nice man. They’re going to lock the stalls later on so you make sure you get one by yourself or you’ll get raped all night long and there’s nothing you can do about it ‘cause the guys don’t listen.”
Now the Spanish law is that you can’t do more than 72 hours inside without a charge so I thought all I had to do was 72 hours then I’d be out, but this blond headed guy said he’d been there a month.
“But what about the law?” I said.
“There is no law,” he said. “The law is those coppers up there with the rifles and they can do as they wish.”
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Custom bedsheets featuring Tony and his mates
Was there a lot of this sort of thing when you first started? Was there a feeling of animosity from the locals for starting this place?
I never walked around being big headed, but I gradually became very well known. It’s a good business but it’s never made any profit as I wasn’t in it for money — I was in it for lifestyle.
I got the greatest compliment ever one day when I walked in to the restaurant one day and Julio Iglesias was having lunch and he said, “Tony, I envy you.”
I said, “Mate, you’ve got a 41 million dollar airport and I’ve got a fucking bicycle. How come you envy me?”
“I’m not talking about riches, I’m talking about lifestyle.”
I walked out of the bar with tears in my eyes. Here was the nicest man in show business saying that he envied me. I’d made it. I’d done it.
Do you reckon you’ve cracked life?
Most people don’t have the tenacity to keep going. It doesn’t come easy. I’ve achieved a lifestyle second to none. I’ve got Julio saying he envies me. Ron Rice, the founder of Hawaiian Tropic is a multi-millionaire with two 747s and he says he envies me. I’m doing something right.
Why do you think you’re still here?
I love life and I love women. I should have been a lesbian. I don’t want it to end. I want to live a few more years.
What’s going on tonight then?
I don’t know. I never plan. If you make plans they all come unstuck. I just go along with the flow.
Howard Marks is knocking around here at the moment making a book with you. You said they were going to make a film too. What’s that going to be about?
They’ve already made a film about me. But it didn’t get finished. I was going to be played by that good looking man from Hollywood. What’s he called?
I don’t know… Robert Redford likes to think he’s good looking.
No, before him — a very good looking man. I had dinner with him once. Anyway, they had him talking to this blonde, who was an actress. And the camera was moving around — camera work is always important. She’s talking to him and the camera goes down his body to his fly. You see a hand go across and open the fly. The camera goes to her face and she goes, “WOW.” You don’t have to say anything — that says it all. And then I die. But it was nicely done, it wasn’t morbid.
And with that sleazy-yet-poignant image, I leave Tony Pikes sat on the edge of a sun lounger as he finally submits to the power of sleep.
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cutsliceddiced · 4 years
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New top story from Time: The Best TV Shows of 2020 So Far
No matter what you expected out of 2020, the reality has almost certainly been different. As the coronavirus swept from country to country, making especially brutal landfall in America, even those who remained healthy and employed struggled with loneliness, boredom, anxiety, cabin fever. And in late May, as Americans in major cities faced their third month of quarantine, the senseless death of George Floyd at the hands of a Minneapolis police officer launched a wave of protests against law enforcement’s violence toward the black community. Television, frankly, seems pretty insignificant in the face of both crises. But it did help us stay informed, connected and sometimes even intellectually stimulated at a time when the mere sight of other human faces could serve as an inoculation against loneliness and despair. From the holy agony and ecstasy of The New Pope to the unholy high school terrors of Dare Me, here are 10 shows that helped me weather the first half of this difficult year. Here’s hoping they make whatever you’re living through right now slightly more bearable, too.
Better Call Saul (AMC)
With more and more shows ending or getting canceled after a couple of years, so as not to wear out their welcome in a Peak TV moment infatuated with novelty, Better Call Saul’s fifth season demonstrated the value of patient, thorough character development. It took this long to trace downtrodden public defender Jimmy McGill’s (Bob Odenkirk) transformation into the slick, morally flexible Saul Goodman whom we encountered fully formed in Breaking Bad. In season 5—arguably the series’ best to date—we watched him become a so-called “friend of the cartel,” a designation which earned him a harrowing hike through the Mexican desert with Mike Ehrmantraut (Jonathan Banks), among other brushes with death. But the most exquisitely painful story line traced the impact Saul’s emergence will inevitably have on his partner Kim Wexler (Rhea Seehorn)—a captivating character in her own right, torn between her own capacity for mainstream success and an internal compass more aligned with his outlaw ethics.
Better Things (FX)
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After executing a full, successful third season of her single-parenting dramedy without disgraced co-creator Louis C.K., Pamela Adlon had nothing to prove with season 4. The show loosened up under her solo leadership, adopting the vérité-style rhythms of 20th-century independent films and growing more confident in that meditative style with every episode. Like some of her avant-garde influences, Adlon doesn’t tell discrete stories so much as create scenarios whose themes spark reflection on the part of the viewer. This time around, she had me thinking about the power of friendship among parents (especially divorced moms), the way raising multiple children might feel more like a cycle than a series of individual timelines, how we deal with our anger at people who’ve wronged us but will never take it upon themselves to make amends.
Betty (HBO)
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Crystal Moselle’s adaptation of her wonderful 2018 indie film Skate Kitchen could be Better Things’ little sister. Like that show, Betty, which debuted in May, consists of half-hour episodes that prioritize character-based insights, emotional resonance and dilated moments of crisis and transcendence over tightly constructed plots. But its subject is that glorious, terrifying transition from teenage life to adulthood in the big city, where freedom looks like a skateboard, a fake ID and a little bit of pocket money. Coming-of-age stories are never in short supply, yet the distinctive faces and personalities who make up the show’s central all-female skate crew are like nothing I’ve seen on TV before.
BoJack Horseman (Netflix)
There are great shows that ended badly (Game of Thrones, Lost, Roseanne 1.0), and then there are the divisive finales: The Sopranos, Seinfeld, Mad Men, Girls. Much rarer are series that go out on the perfect note, not just bidding fond farewells to characters viewers have grown to love (or love to hate) but elegantly tying up their most salient themes. When BoJack mastermind Raphael Bob-Waksberg left his titular anthropomorphic horse (voiced by Will Arnett) and the ghost writer who became his most insightful friend (Alison Brie’s Diane) in silence on a rooftop after six excellent seasons, his finale joined the ranks of Six Feet Under, Halt and Catch Fire, M*A*S*H and very few other shows that left us exhausted, tearful and grieving but ultimately satisfied.
Dare Me (USA)
Netflix’s hit docuseries Cheer made cheerleading a TV sensation this winter—which only made it more frustrating that Dare Me attracted so little attention. Set in a Midwestern town whose local real estate magnate (Paul Fitzgerald) is angling to cash in on the talent of a cheer squad that happens to include his two daughters by different wives, this thriller springs to life when he installs a tough, beautiful new coach (Willa Fitzgerald of MTV’s Scream) who challenges the top-girl status of his rebellious eldest child, Beth (Australian actor Marlo Kelly, beguiling). In the center of a conflict marked by escalating violence is Beth’s best friend Addy (The Get Down’s Herizen Guardiola), a quietly determined cheerleader still figuring out who she is. It was a riveting mystery, adapted from co-creator Megan Abbott’s novel, but equally enthralling was its dark, dreamy atmosphere. Before USA canceled it, in April, Dare Me promised to become everything I’d hoped HBO’s more popular, less original teen drama Euphoria would be.
The Great (Hulu)
This period dramedy is about as faithful a depiction of Catherine the Great’s rise to power in 18th-century Russia as Comedy Central spoof Another Period was a document of upper-crust Rhode Island life in Edith Wharton’s time. And that—along with Elle Fanning as a young Catherine, Nicholas Hoult as her debauched imbecile husband Peter III and dialogue from the droll, raunchy mind of The Favourite co-writer Tony McNamara—is what makes it so fun. Like its Oscar-nominated predecessor, The Great is a hilarious satire about gender and power as well as a reminder that European history wasn’t all as polite as Masterpiece miniseries make it out to be.
Mrs. America (FX on Hulu)
You could see the backlash to this all-star historical drama—which earned almost universal acclaim from critics, this one included—coming as soon as it was announced. Creator Dahvi Waller’s nine-part miniseries cast the beloved Cate Blanchett as Phyllis Schlafly, tracing the right-wing ideologue’s origin story in tandem with the implosion of a 1970s feminist movement led by women like Gloria Steinem (Rose Byrne), Shirley Chisholm (Uzo Aduba), Bella Abzug (Margo Martindale) and Betty Friedan (Tracey Ullman). So it was easy for some to accuse the show of making Schlafly too sympathetic. Here’s the thing: depiction isn’t endorsement, and Waller’s inquiry into what made feminism’s most influential female enemy the tyrannical, bigoted, infuriating person she was did not by any stretch of the imagination constitute apologizing for the harm she wrought. On the contrary, this smartly written, beautifully acted and subtly insightful series made it possible for even those of us who find Schlafly’s self-hating views mystifying to imagine how flesh-and-blood humans can devolve into self-serving monsters.
The New Pope (HBO)
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Religion has become an unexpectedly popular subject for TV, in the afterlife comedies that don’t stop coming (The Good Place begat Forever, then Russian Doll, Miracle Workers and most recently Upload), in explorations of identity like Ramy and Unorthodox and in accounts of political conflicts driven by religious differences, from Our Boys to Derry Girls. A sequel to the 2017 miniseries The Young Pope, which took Jude Law’s upstart American Pontiff on a journey from bad faith to true faith, Italian filmmaker Paolo Sorrentino’s The New Pope is something extremely different. With Law’s Pius XIII in some sort of divine coma and Muslim extremists terrorizing Catholic targets, his lieutenants at the Vatican recruit a depressive British cardinal (a tender, delicate John Malkovich) to take his place. Rather than dissecting 21st-century Catholicism, both seasons feel like an attempt to conjure the headspace of religious mysticism, in shots with all the majesty of a Renaissance fresco, a story whose mystery rivals the Book of Revelation and a sense of humor steeped in existential absurdity.
The Plot Against America (HBO)
In 2004, the late giant of American literature Philip Roth imagined an alternate reality in which Charles Lindbergh won the 1940 election, kept the U.S. out of World War II and set about reshaping the country to suit his isolationist, anti-Semitic views. Sixteen years later, with xenophobia, nativism and white supremacy on the rise, Roth’s novel about a Jewish family caught in this nightmare didn’t need much tweaking from The Wire collaborators David Simon and Ed Burns to resonate. The prestige-TV veterans simply stacked the adaptation with an ideal cast (Winona Ryder, John Turturro, Zoe Kazan and Morgan Spector are all spectacular), warmed up its shots with the unnerving golden light of nostalgia and got out of the story’s way… until the very end, which replaced Roth’s too-neat conclusion with something more suitable for 2020.
Vida (Starz)
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It was not Tanya Saracho’s choice to end Vida—the drama she created about two Mexican-American sisters who return home to L.A.’s Boyle Heights neighborhood in the wake of their mother’s death and attempt to save her poorly managed bar—after three seasons. Given just six supersize episodes, a reduced budget and a shortened production schedule with which to complete her expansive meditation on family, community and identity, Saracho and her writers had to do the heartbreaking work of “killing our darlings,” as she put it in a recent interview, to make room for all the “stories we owed.” The result bordered on miraculous: a thoughtful, emotional, sexy season of television that, without feeling rushed, probed mysteries that the sisters’ mom left behind, set every major character on a path of richly deserved growth and ended with a scene that had this viewer crying as hard as the characters themselves.
via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste
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mindofamaka · 7 years
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So, it’s basically independence day. This day probably solicits a wide range of responses from people, from absolute joy (because, public holiday and whatnot) to numbness. Some may have probably lost all motivation and hope for this country, due to the hardships they have faced in it.
  I’m still quite young, and have been blessed, with God providing me with avenues for my most basic needs and comforts to be met. However, I know that my country Nigeria is flawed. We’re far from perfect, and have a lot of things to get right, starting from our electricity supply.
  Imagine Nigeria with 24/7 electricity and all the possibilities! Imagine a Nigeria with every road and path clean, with designated paths for pedestrians and cars/motorcycles in every place. A Nigeria where efficiency and effectiveness is the order of the day. A Nigeria where key issues are brought to life instead of festering, taking life from those who wither away in silence. Hopefully, Nigeria will become better one day. I just hope that one day is sooner than later, especially with the 24/7 light concept.
  I like Nigeria. I’m not just saying this because It’s Independence Day. I don’t know where this strong like came from, but it has influenced many things. My Wattpad username is even ProudlyNigerian – I created the account on October 3, 2011. I can guess why I chose that username.
  I could’ve been born an East African girl (and be raved about on a Kendrick Lamar track, while having hips for days), or I could’ve been Sudanese, Zimbabwean or even Ghanian. However, God made me Nigerian. This is all part of his greater plan for me, which I am yet to figure out. I love our food, especially jollof rice, more specifically, party jollof rice. Other favourites of mine are soups – Peppersoup, Egusi, Vegetable, Okro, Banga etc. I love our tribes and languages, especially the attire associated with said tribes! Don’t even get me started on Nigerian weddings!
It fills my heart with a great pride when I see cultural dances going on. I love our slangs, and most especially the influence we have. I’d say that Nigerians have a magic touch. Some of us have such a strong ability to influence, and wherever we go, we inspire and make our mark!
So, in the theme of Nigerian pride, I’d love to share some of my admired Nigerian creatives! I didn’t want to do a typical post, as it’s already cliche enough I’m making a Nigerian pride post on Independence Day.
So, Why Creatives?
I chose to flaunt our creatives because well, we all know the prevalent mentality a lot of African parents have. A joke was once said that as an African, you can either be a doctor, lawyer, engineer or disgrace to the family. It’s funny, but a sad reality for some.
Some creatives can’t bloom, as there is no room for expression! And so they go, forcing themselves into moulds created for them by the people around them, living unfulfilled lives, with talents wasted. Creatives can also be affected especially when people around them don’t believe in their vision and goals, when people don’t take them seriously for the unconventional path they have chosen to take. Some, like Asiyami Gold, even get disowned by their family members. Granted, some pursue their creative endeavours while also keeping the conventional stuff in place, and that is also okay!
These people are honestly so amazing, with wonderful minds and ideas. They’ve also influenced me one way or the other, and I am rooting for them constantly! You may know most of them, but also this is a chance to find some new faces!
Ifeoma Amadi (@thesvnflower) – Draped in Basics
I can’t even deny it. There’s just something about Ifeoma. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop bringing her up! She inspires me so much, from her blog posts, gorgeous photos, thrift finds, to her Instagram and everything associated with it. She had such a unique style of doing things, she knows what she is doing, and she is definitely going somewhere.
I just hope I don’t get too obsessed, because sometimes this might result in copying, but honestly, she’s a babe! I’ll never regret finding her blog, never! I think she even inspired me to give blogging another shot!
Maryam Salam – Fashion By Daisy
I only discovered Maryam recently. Prior to the discovery, I’d simply been participating in her project. Maryam is the founder of The Blogger Point, a Nigerian blogger agency – the first one in Nigeria, If I may add. She is seriously quite innovative and business minded. Her blog is one you can go to in search of knowledge on blogging or business. She also has really nice outfit posts, and an absolutely gorgeous skin tone. 
  I’m quite excited, because I won a free 1 week blog consultation from her which she offered here! I hope to make the most of the opportunity, and that a lot of good will come out from this consultation. I’m ready to get my A-game on when it comes to my blog!
Asiyami Gold
Asiyami is honestly so awesome! She has established herself, and is only going higher! I am so proud to be Nigerian when I see creatives like her. I love her dressing, her face, her photography, and especially her Instagram feed. She takes us all around the world with her, getting such good shots of spots. She’s really had a rough time getting to where she is now, and so she deserves all the very best!
Yagazie Emezi 
Yagazie is an amazing photographer with a quirky personality. Talent and creativity clearly run in her family, because her sister Akwaeke is also an awesome writer.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I can’t call Chimamanda my favourite author. This is because I have read just 3 of her works – Purple Hibiscus, Half of a Yellow Sun, and Americanah. However, I will say she is amazing.
She has made a name for herself, and that is something I want when it comes to writing. Her writing is so deep, and she tells complex stories of complex lives and complex people. That is writing goals! 
Lola Shoneyin
I don’t know much about her, but what I know is that she writes really well! She authored the book ‘The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives’, which is honestly a must read. The storyline and the characters are such a mess, it makes for a great read!
The way she brings her characters to life, is something I really admire. She was also quite detailed and hilarious in the book. Just check it out, thank me later.
Emma OhMaGod
This guy is just way too creative! I love how he remixes songs and puts his special touches on them! You should seriously check him out!
Now, we’re getting to an interesting part of this post. The following people have seriously influenced me when it comes to cracking jokes. I’ve always had a strange sense of humour, and it’s always been shaped by social media. Did you know, I run a meme account called African Memes? Anyway, I have such a strong love for them, and will always be rooting for them! 
Samuel Ndubuisi Okafor 
Sam Okafor, who used to be known as @samtakesoff, one of the most popular Vine users, will always have a special place in my heart. He is hands down the face of ‘african parent’ jokes, most especially ‘african dad’. He made such a great impression on us, and left me dying from laughter so many times. His posts were hilarious, and I will always have his facial reaction photos stashed away for the right moments.
I loved his videos so much. He’s a great dancer, and also makes good songs. If I could, I would honestly marry him lol (he’s engaged o, to a beautiful black queen known as Sao @withlovesao)! I remember when he had a meet up in the UK or so, and hundreds of people showed up! Honestly though, I would love to meet him at least once in real life! Unfortunately, he ‘retired’ from the comedy life, choosing to focus on his music. He also lost his mum, a very sad event. I will always root for you Sam!
  Tolulope Ogunmefun
Which Nigerian doesn’t know of Don’t Jealous Me AKA Tolulope Ogunmefun? I discovered him from his ‘magdonna’ video, and he has seriously blown since then! What don’t I love about him? He is funny, and his short clips on IG are hilarious. We have watched him grow so much, including becoming a married man and soon to be a father! More life!
Of course, there are many other Nigerian comedians such as the all too famous Dr Craze (Craze Clown), Wofai Fada, Comedian Ebiye, Maraji, African Ape, Klinton Cod, how can I forget The Real Femi? There’s just so much talent! Take all my MB!
Speaking of take all my MB, I am not an avid Youtube patroniser, but when I do, these are people I can turn to for interesting content. And look at God! They’re Nigerian!
Jackie Aina
Finding out she was Nigerian was honestly one of the most amazing things. Jackie has really built a brand out of her name and Youtube channel, and I love her for that.
Her videos (the few I’ve watched) are fascinating, and she’s just hilarious! 
Dimma Umeh 
Yes, we all love Dimma, who used to be known as That Igbo Chick. I’m not really a makeup tutorial person except for where I’m feeling like learning something new, or researching on something. I love her ‘Dimma Living‘ Vlogs. I also like how she’s in Nigeria, and she’s just so authentic. Go girl!
Uche Natori
Uche is a makeup Youtuber based in the UK! Found her by accident, really, but she’s awesome. I just love her face, she’s quite beautiful. I also like her makeup looks, and she’s definitely one you should watch out for!
Toni Olaoye
I like Toni’s makeup videos, and her intros are bomb tbh. She’s based in Canada, and I like watching her flourish as a Youtuber.
There’s many more Nigerians who are poppin’ on Youtube such as Grace Ajilore, Omabelle, Patricia Bright, Adanna of AdannaDavid, Ronke Raji, Jennie Jenkins, Shirley B. Eniang… need I go on? Nigerians are honestly everywhere, and we definitely make our mark wherever we go.
I think a shoutout needs to go to Yemisi Abraham, most popularly known as Serra Bellum.
Her feed is bomb, okay? I don’t even know what she does for a living or whatever, but her feed is bomb! It takes work to maintain such a feed. 
Of course, I can’t just conclude this post without throwing some light on some gems! This section is dedicated to up and coming Nigerian blogs who are amazing. and totally need more people to see their amazing-ness! I may not know them personally, but there’s nothing wrong with giving other people shoutouts
  Bunie – She Fancys That
Bunie will always have a special place in my heart, because she is the first blogger I’ve met in real life! The other ones, I simply interact with from my computer. My first impression of her was that she was this energetic, bubbly person. She’s one to definitely look out for.
Bukola Jayeoba – The Naija Brides Outlet (TNBO)
TNBO, authored by Bukola Jayeoba, is a blog I honestly found by accident. The way I found this blog also shows just how beneficial the WordPress reader is. I can search a tag, and then boom some blog posts pop up! It was through one of such searches, that I found this blog. At the time I found it, she was writing posts expressing all the challenges faced during the planning of a Nigerian wedding.
I read all the way until now, where she has transitioned from planning a wedding, to actually living married life. I love the way she writes, and can honestly see her concept becoming as big as Bella Naija. She should even be featured there! I’m not married or even planning a wedding, and I won’t be for a long while, but I love her posts so much!
Want to get on a faster track to that ‘thaty billion for the account’? Check out Saving with OJ. Want to know how one can slay while being saved and secured? Check out Saved, Secured & Slaying. Want to know how stressful Nigerian weddings are to plan/relive your memories planning or participating in one? Check out The Naija Brides Outlet.
  There’s also other awesome people who are not so new, but also up and coming. These include The Blackk Beauty, Joyce Daniels, Uzzymami, Girl Eccentric, Diary of a 20 Something & Spoken Voicelessness.
Lastly, I know an awesome chick you totally need to check out! Her name is Amaka, and she is the author at Mind of Amaka! She’s a bit of a mess though, and is still trying to figure out her style, as documented here and here.
That’s right, I’m shamelessly advertising myself on my own blog, in my own blog post. What are you going to do about it? That’s right, nothing! *Hiss* Now, why don’t you check out my other pieces eh? Don’t just #BuyNigerian, #ReadNigerian too! Lol!
Recap: Nigeria So Far
Suleja Prison Visit: Lessons Learned
#BuyNigerian or Nah?
How Fake Foundation Taught me to Speak Up
God bless Nigeria, Happy Independence Day!
What is your favourite part of being Nigerian? For non-Nigerians, what do you love most about Nigeria/Nigerians?
Nigerian Pride: An Ode to Nigerian Creatives So, it’s basically independence day. This day probably solicits a wide range of responses from people, from absolute joy (because, public holiday and whatnot) to numbness.
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mysteryshelf · 7 years
Text
BLOG TOUR - Church of the Holy Child
Welcome to
THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF!
DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF by Partners in Crime Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.
The Church of the Holy Child
by Patricia Hale
on Tour August 15 – October 15, 2017
Synopsis:
A woman with a history of domestic abuse is missing. Her sister hires private investigators Cole and Callahan.
When the woman is found dead, her husband is charged but when a second body appears showing the same wounds, questions arise and what looked like a slam-dunk becomes anyone’s guess. The case goes to John Stark, a veteran cop and close friend of Griff Cole.
The bodies are piling up, and one person knows where the killer is. Father Francis, a priest at The Church of the Holy Child, listens to the killer’s disturbed account of each murder and wrestles with the vows that bind him to secrecy.
The case takes an unexpected and personal turn when Cole’s ex-wife goes missing and a connection to his past points to the killer.
Book Details:
Genre: Mystery/Suspense Published by: Intrigue Publishing LLC Publication Date: August 15th 2017 Number of Pages: 259 ISBN: 1940758599 (ISBN13: 9781940758596) Purchase Links: Amazon 🔗 | Barnes & Noble 🔗 | Goodreads 🔗
Read an excerpt:
Inside the wooden confessional there’s a man who talks to God. At least that’s what my mother told me the last time we were here. But a month has passed since she disappeared so today I’ve come to the church alone. I no longer believe that she’s coming back for me like she said. Instead, I’ve become her stand-in for the beatings my father dishes out. That’s what he calls it, dishing out a beating, like he’s slapping a mound of mashed potato on my plate. He swaggers through the door ready for a cold one after coming off his seven to three shift, tosses his gun and shield on our kitchen table and reaches into the refrigerator for a Budweiser. I cringe in the corner and make myself small, waiting to hear what kind of day he’s had and whether or not I’ll be his relief. More often than not, his eyes search me out. “’C’mere asshole,” he says, popping the aluminum top, “I’m gonna dish out a beating.” If anyone can help me, it has to be this guy who talks to God. I open the door of the confessional with my good arm and step inside.
Twenty-three years later
ONE
His breath was warm on my neck, his lips hot and dry. His tongue searched the delicate skin below my ear. Heart quickening, back arching, I rose to meet him.
The phone on the nightstand vibrated.
“Shit,” Griff whispered, peeling away from me, our clammy skin reluctant to let go. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and flashed me his bad-boy, half-smile. “Cole,” he said into the phone.
At times like this, cell phones rate right alongside other necessary evils like cod liver oil and flu shots. I leaned against his back and caressed his stomach, damp dunes of sculpted muscle. Not bad for a guy north of forty. Griff still measured himself against the hotshots in the field. But in my book he had nothing to worry about; I’d take the stable, wise, worn-in model over a wet behind the ear, swagger every time.
He pried my fingers from his skin and walked toward the bathroom still grunting into the phone.
I slipped into my bathrobe and headed for the kitchen. I have my morning priorities and since the first one was interrupted by Griff’s phone, coffee comes in a close second.
Twenty minutes later he joined me dressed in his usual attire, jeans, boots, tee shirt and sport jacket. Coming up behind me, he nuzzled my neck as I poured Breakfast Blend into a travel mug. Coffee splashed onto the counter top.
“Gotta run,” he said taking the cup from my hand.
“What’s up?”
“Not sure yet. That was John. He said he could use a hand.
“Sobering up?
Griff flinched like I’d landed one to his gut.
“Sorry,” I said. “Cheap shot.”
“Woman found dead early this morning.”
“When’s he going to admit that he can’t run the department with a pint of scotch sloshing around in his gut?”
“The job’s all he’s got left, makes it hard to let go.”
“I’m just saying that he shouldn’t be head of CID. Not now. I’m surprised Haggerty has put up with it this long.”
“There’s a lot going down at the precinct. Internal Affairs is having a field day after that meth bust.
They’ve got so many guys on leave right now that a bottle of Dewar’s in John’s desk is the least of Haggerty’s problems.”
“I just don’t want you to get sucked into CID.”
He slipped his hands inside my robe and nuzzled my neck. “No chance of that. Nobody on the force feels like this.”
I pushed him away halfheartedly.
I’ll call you when I know what’s going on.”
The door closed behind him.
I sank onto a kitchen chair and flipped open the People magazine lying on the table. Griff and I had just finished an investigation for an heiress in the diamond industry whose sticky handed husband had resorted to blackmailing her brother as a way around their pre-nup. The ink on her twenty-thousand-dollar check made out to Cole & Co. was still wet. And being that I was the & Co. part of the check, I’d earned a leisurely morning.
The phone rang just as I was getting to the interview with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell on the secrets of a long-term relationship. Caller ID told me it was Katie Nightingale, our go-to girl at the office. Katie kept track of everything from appointments to finances to take-out menus.
I lifted the phone and hit ‘answer’.
“Britt?” Katie spoke before I had a chance, never a good sign.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Missing woman.”
“Since when?”
“Last night.”
“What makes her missing? It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”
“The woman who called said her sister was leaving an abusive husband and was supposed to let her know when she was safe by ringing the phone once at seven-thirty. The call never came. Now she can’t get hold of her. She said her sister carries your card in her wallet.”
“What’s her name?”
“The woman who called is Beth Jones. Her sister is Shirley Trudeau.”
I nodded into the phone. I can’t remember every woman I encounter, but Shirley’s name rang a bell. Since giving up my position as a Family Law attorney with Hughes and Sandown, I’d been offering free legal aid for women who needed advice but couldn’t afford it. Mostly I worked with wives trying to extricate themselves from abusive marriages. Given the reason I’d abandoned my law career, it was the least I could do. Shirley hadn’t been living at the women’s shelter, but she’d spent enough time there to have Sandra, the shelter’s director, hook her up with me.
“And Beth thinks Shirley’s husband found her?”
“That’s what it sounded like once she’d calmed down enough to form actual words.”
“I’m on my way.”
I set the phone down, making a mental note to call Sandra. She’d upgraded from a caseworker in Connecticut to Director in Portland, Maine a few months ago. I’d stopped by her office to introduce myself when she started and left my business cards. Our paths didn’t cross that often but we respected each other’s work and always took a few minutes to chat. I knew she’d been on the swim team in college and that she could bench-press her weight. We were close in age and like minded when it came to the politics of non-profits. No doubt Beth Jones had called her too.
After a shower and a quick clean up of last night’s wine glasses, Chinese takeout containers and clothes that we’d left strewn around the living room, I locked the apartment door and began my fifteen-minute trek to our office on Middle Street. I savored my walk through the Old Port, the name given to Portland, Maine’s waterfront. The summer heat that a month ago had my shirt stuck tight against my back was a thing of the past and the snow and ice that would make walking an athletic event had not yet arrived. The cool, crisp air was like a shot of espresso. As long as I didn’t let my mind wander to what nature had in store, I could enjoy the rush.
I hit “contacts” on my phone and scanned the names for Sandra’s.
“Sandra, it’s Britt,” I said when she answered. “I wish this was a social call, but it’s not. Shirley Trudeau is missing.
“I know. Her sister called this morning. I’m on my way in now. How did you find out?”
“Her sister hired us to find her. “Was someone helping her leave?”
“She had a caseworker, but I wasn’t in on the plan. I’ll know more once I get to my office and talk to the person she was working with.”
“Okay if I call you later?”
“I don’t know how much I’ll be able to tell you. You know the rules. If she was on her way…”
I stopped mid-stride and lowered the phone from my ear. Sandra’s voice slipped away. That dead body that Griff went to look at… my gut said, Shirley Trudeau.
***
Excerpt from The Church of the Holy Child by Patricia Hale. Copyright © 2017 by Patricia Hale. Reproduced with permission from Patricia Hale. All rights reserved.
  Author Bio:
Patricia Hale received her MFA degree from Goddard College. Her essays have appeared in literary magazines and the anthology, My Heart’s First Steps. Her debut novel, In the Shadow of Revenge, was published in 2013. The Church of the Holy Child is the first book in her PI series featuring the team of Griff Cole and Britt Callahan. Patricia is a member of Sister’s in Crime, Mystery Writer’s of America, NH Writer’s Project and Maine Writer’s and Publisher’s Alliance. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two dogs.
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atypical60 · 7 years
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It was the worst of dressing. It was the best of dressing.  Not really, it was more of the worst of dressing.
We’ll get to that later.
I want to start by saying that I actually enjoyed the Oscars this year because of Jimmy Kimmel’s hosting ability.   He was sharp, funny, charming and cutting at the same time.
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THE OSCARS(r) – The 89th Oscars(r) broadcasts live on Oscar(r) SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2017, on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Eddy Chen) I honestly was surprised at what a great host Jimmy Kimmel was. He can definitely come back!
Justin Timberlake’s opening number was very entertaining. I love me an all-around great entertainer and Justin fits the bill so perfectly. He can dance—which, when the camera panned to the audience, is something the white actors and actresses cannot do.
Timberlane should have performed ALL the nominated songs with his own touch. His opening number was fantastic!
They couldn’t even act how to dance. It was painfully funny to watch them. Thank you, Justin Timberlake, for being one of the small percentage of white people who can dance (I’m also one of them).
Oddly enough, Elaine dances better than the majority of the white actors and actresses in the Oscar audience last night!
It was awful to sit through some of the speeches too.  Why can’t these people just say “Thank you” and walk off the stage. I don’t want to hear about you thanking your pre-school drama teacher nor do I want to hear you yap about the ice cream man’s effect upon your acting. OK?
The speeches are so self-serving.
I did like Casey Affleck’s acceptance speech. He seems like a very down-to-earth guy. I also love the way his acting is so subtle and not over-the-top.  Denzel Washington didn’t seem to like Casey’s speech. Or maybe my Denzel was pissed off that the Oscar didn’t go home with him!
Jesus  Casey Affleck’s speech was one of the better ones. But Denzel looked really angry. Maybe Denzel came down with the stomach bug that I had and was “holding” things in!  Or perhaps a little birdie flew out of his wife’s bird’s nest hairdo and nibbled at my Denzel!
As much as I am in love with Viola Davis, her speech was eye-roll worthy.  Viola. Don’t take your Oscar acceptance speech too dramatically. You are not auditioning. You won!!  Enough with the emoting. I still love you!
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Now THIS is the Viola I love to see. Smiling and beautiful. Viola–you looked too serious during the speech. Stop it.  Be the fun Viola!  I love you so much!
And speaking of speeches.  Why do they all have to give the cliché “This-award-belongs-to-everyone” spiel? Take the damn win gracefully. Thank the guy or woman who cast you. Thank the director, and for crissakes, thank yourself.
Here’s what I would say if I won an Oscar for acting:
Me: “Wow! I’m really surprised!” “Anyway, I would like to thank (insert casting agent here) for casting me. And I would also like to thank (name of director) for really bringing out the best in me. I hope I didn’t disappoint you.  I also want to give myself credit for working hard and having a stellar work ethic. It isn’t every day that you have an employee like me on set” “I work hard for what I have and it shows”. “Again. Thank you”.
And then I would walk off the stage.  I would not thank God because when I wake up every morning I thank him.  I would not thank my kids because as much as I love them, I am thankful to them every day.  I wouldn’t thank Bonaparte either unless he gave me back my credit cards!
NOTE TO HOLLYWOOD CASTING PEOPLE! HERE I AM!  Look at ME!  See the many different facets and emotions I put forth. I’m happy. Pensive. Mysterious. Angry. Sad. Scared. Thoughtful. Playful. Adorable.  Old.  Mature. OK. I look more like the neighborhood crazy lady. But who cares. I’m an ACTOR!!!
And what about the snafu with best picture. I should have stayed awake a bit longer but as soon as the wrong “best picture” was announced, I shut off the remote and went to sleep. I know every single person who saw “Hidden Figures” said that was the movie that should have won.  Well, at least “La La Land” did not win. I liken it to “Birdman” with songs and white people bad dancing.
The actor, Mahershala Ali who won for Best Supporting Actor–people were all goo-goo over the fact he was the first Muslim actor to win the Oscar. I’m really getting annoyed with the labels.  Who. Cares. What. Religion. He. Is.  Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Athiest. Why does his belief get a mention. The man can act. Let’s believe he won the Oscar because of his acting ability and not the fact he’s a Muslim. He’s also cute.
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Yeah Mahershala Ali. I really could care less what your religious beliefs are. I just care about you as an ACT-OR!!!
This could have been a conspiracy you know.  I think the younger powers-that-be in Hollywood sabotaged Beatty and Dunaway because of their older age. Yeah. Ageism runs rampant. In Hollywood, you are ancient at 40. Beatty and Dunaway are close to 80 if not already there.  I’m sure they were made to look senile. Yeah. I’m pretty sure they were sabotaged!
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Hollywood doesn’t like THIS version of Bonnie and Clyde. They are too old….
Hollywood likes THIS version better.  The version without Faye’s bad plastic surgery!
But you know what really bothered me?  The fact that the American entertainment press as well as The Academy never congratulated Isabelle Huppert on her Cesar win for best actress in the film “Elle”—of which she was nominated for an Oscar.
Huppert won the Cesar Friday evening. I’m sure she was enjoying some very expensive French Champagne and wine afterwards.  Then she had to get on a plane and fly to L.A.  Then she had to get all dolled up for the Oscars. Not one reporter mentioned her Cesar win.  These are supposed to be well-informed journalists and yet, nobody could be the good American and congratulate her! Shame on the press!
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Isabelle Huppert with her Cesar award!  She looks fabulous in green. She looks fabulous period!
I congratulate you Isabelle!  I love you!
But let’s get to the good stuff. Let’s get to the fashions or lack thereof.
It never ceases to amaze me at how awful these actresses (Yes. I’m being sexist. They are females and I am referring to them as actresses) can look at a major event.  Their stylists really need to be fired. Terminated. Let go.  I should be hired instead.
Let’s have a look-see.
Huppert at the Oscars. She looked a little tired–considering she probably partied all night after WINNING that Cesar that nobody congratulated her on!  Her Cesar dress was much better.  This dress would have been better in a brighter color but I’m not crazy about it. It’s bland. She should have gone with a more fitted dress because she has a great body!
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Kirsten Dunst. Hands down. THE best dressed of the evening. This Dior is a knockout. Look at the shape the dress gives her. I LOVE the fact the hem is shorter in the front showing off those great shoes. A throwback to the glamour of the 1950’s. What a great look! This is the best Dunst has ever looked!
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My second-best dressed of the evening. Viola. OMG. She looks so freakin’ beautiful in this bright shade of red. And the dress is simple and the cold shoulder is so perfect for her. She is so beautiful that I can’t stand it!
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Taraji P. Henson must have read my Grammy blog post. She looked awful that night but she did a complete turnaround. She’s my Number 3 Best Dressed. OMG! I LOVE this dress. The shape of the dress, the neckline, the slit, the velvet–it works so well. And the shoes!  And the hair. Thank you Taraji for listening to me. You can fire your old stylist and hire me. OK?
What an incredible transformation from Grammy night–huh?
Hailee Steinfeld. Another Best Dressed. I love watching her on the red carpet because she always gets it right. This dress is so fresh and adorable and youthful. It is perfect for a younger woman and she just looks like a princess in it.  She’s one to watch!
OK. She isn’t an actress but Robin Roberts looked better than 95 percent of the actresses at the Oscars. She looks like a pretty gold statue. And guess what? Robin did gold RIGHT! She has a great skin tone for a gold dress. Very Cleopatra.
Shirley Maclaine is still looking good. She’s in her 80’s. She looked very classy…Charlize Theron is another issue….
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I swear Charlize Theron wants to underplay her natural beauty. She, one of the most beautiful women on earth, looked terrible in this dress. It looks like an old lady formal dress. It’s frumpy.  And the hair. WTF?  Was she trying to channel her inner Ethel Mertz..
Hey. I’m a HUGE fan of Ethel Mertz. But really, I do think Theron was trying to emulate the hairdo!
Can someone please explain to me why Ruth Negra and Ginnifer Goodwin look more like Sister Wives than elegant women? Are they both in a movie about Amish rebels? Red is a great color for both women but both of these dresses are not stylish and too fussy. Some stylists should be shown to the door…
Octavia Spencer is not a frail woman. She should not be wearing a dress that cuts her body in two.  First of all, this dress is too high-waisted and cuts her right under the bust. Like Adele, Spencer needs a princess style that is slightly fitted at the waist but doesn’t cut. She needs simple lines. She would look great in a three-quarter sleeved dress with a similar neckline but a more simple cut.  She would also look better with a longer bob.  Let me dress you Octavia. Let ME dress you!
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She may be the world’s greatest actress but she’s a lousy dresser! Put some sexy Sophie into your event dressing please!  This dress is just ill-fitting and the bottom has too much material. The color is great though. An updo would have been much better!
Is it a tassel?
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NO!  It’s Emma Stone and her pretend lisp!  OMG. This dress is hideous. The color is a bit like what came out of my body near the end of my stomach bug.  This young woman does NOT have the coloring for a dress this color.  The sweetheart neckline is unattractive on her. She needs a higher neck. The dress is too fussy. This is wrong on so many levels.  
Is it my grandmother’s doily?  
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No! It’s Nicole Kidman and her overly-Botoxed face!  Again. We have a pale woman and a dress that washes her out.  The lipstick isn’t making you look any better Nicole. I was watching Robin Roberts interview and your lipstick was so smeared you looked like Bette Davis as Baby Jane!  The sad thing is, this dress is beautiful. In a darker color like an emerald green and she would have rocked it….
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There are no words… this dress is so horrible that I can’t even..
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But I can with this monstrosity! I call this color “The Bile That I Threw Up When My Stomach Bug was in the Upper Part of My Body”. Do these women even so much as glance in a mirror?  This dress is wearing Leslie Mann. She is NOT wearing it! And it looks like a teenaged prom dress. It’s horrific!
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Another example of beautiful woman in ugly dress!  Janelle Monae is so beautiful–and even more so now that she isn’t sporting that pompadour hairdo!  Is she trying to look like Marie Antoinette?  Perhaps she’s hiding cake under the bottom of the dress.  There’s just too much going on here.  If the bottom of the dress was slim and sheer with a nude underlay, it would have been beautiful.  She’s a walking “Hidden Figure” under this thing!
Hey girl, is it Justin Bieber?
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No!! It’s Scarlett Johansson as Justin Bieber in a gown! Good Lord. What did that Frenchman DO to her?  Scarlett. Please. For the sake of us all, please go back to the sexy vamp Scarlett!!  This look is not becoming on you. At all. 
The extremism in Hollywood is so disturbing to me. Either titties are hanging out like two pink-tipped buoys floating in the sea or these women are covered up like Amish pastor’s wives. I’ve seen NUNS show more skin!  Is the apron so you can cook with Wolfgang Puck at the after party?  This dress is like the mistake Trump’s parents made when he was conceived!  And the hair.  Did Dakota Johnson start co-washing instead of using shampoo?   I’m scared of this look. Seriously.  This dress is 50 Shades of Shit!
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What is it with pale ladies and dresses that wash them out. GET A FAKE TAN IF YOU WANT TO WEAR A DRESS LIKE THIS!!!    I think my grandmother wore a similar dress to my Baptism some 60 years ago.  And the shoes. I don’t even see painted toes! Felicity Jones has had more worse looks than good ones. She needs to either fire a stylist or hire one!  
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Last of all we have Guiliana Rancic. This dress was the topic of conversation last night. Bonaparte loved it on her and thought she looked beautiful. I was talking to Oona on the phone and she couldn’t stand the dress. I’m on the fence. There’s a lot of fabric but I love the color on her. And she looks great in the one-shoulder Grecian look gown. Her hair and makeup are perfect.  I’m really in the middle.
That’s it!  Fashions were mostly on the bland side.  The one WOW dress was Dunst’s.   I need to think of what I’ll wear on the red carpet when I start interviewing these people who are more self-centered than me! 
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I almost forgot. Kristin, Brad and Kriss were the red carpet crew on E. At least Kristin’s boobs were in their places.  Brad’s tux was bland. And at least Kriss got rid of her butch “do”. She must have read my posts about her red carpet looks. That dress of hers brings attention to those hips of hers. She needs a stylist–and not her daughters as stylists either.  I’ll dress ya Kriss!!!
Here’s a great one from Danny Kaye “The King’s New Clothes”!  Very appropriate!
Atypical60 Looks At The Oscars 2017!! It was the worst of dressing. It was the best of dressing.  Not really, it was…
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