#well hob did say that he can fake is own death if needed but how many times will he have to do that? xD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years

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Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST—

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode?

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home:

All hail Incitatus the king

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts

oh god is that hamilton

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway)

Me internally vs externally

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance”

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

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heavenofficialsbl · 5 years

Text

H.O.B. Chapter 12 part ii

Chapter 12 part ii: A Ghost in Red Sets Fire Upon The Military and Civil Temples part ii

I’m sorry this has taken me so long to write! I’m trying to get my sleep schedule back on track and that means I put myself to bed earlier (I usually write these before bed). Oh well, maybe I’ll get better with my time management as I do more of these. ALSO: if anyone is interested, I have an HOB discord for anyone that would like to join. Please shoot me a DM for the link <3

ALSO ALSO: Thank you guys so much for 500 followers! You make me so happy UwU <3 I didn’t think there would be this many people interested in HOB since it’s still so early into the translation, and it seems that the English speaking fandom is rather small right now, so it makes me really happy to see all of you guys enjoying the content!

Let’s get started!

OH BOY, I forgot that we had just gotten Hua Cheng’s name! I don’t know if XL is familiar with him or his name at all, but we’ll see...

Alright so Hua Cheng is translated to... Well it’s directly translated to ‘flower city’ which cracks me up. I have a feeling that this is going to somehow be connected to Xie Lian also being known as the “Flower crown Prince”. It’s funny how he had such a gentle and kind memory of HC leading him through the forest, while everyone else is on edge just at the mention of him

Daww, XL is part of the Four Famous Tales <3 That’s somehow very comforting/pleasing to hear. Even though he ended up being cast out from Heaven, he at least had some positive stories told about him

It does seem a bit odd that he hadn’t heard of these Four Great Calamities, though maybe it’s just for story-telling purposes so we can hear them explained

Oh please don’t tell me that XL is the White Clothed Calamity D: HC has to be the Bloody Rain Reaching Towards a Flower (that’s even the name of the first arc that we’re in ohoho). I’m also guessing that the Green Light Wandering Nights guy is the one who hangs corpses in the forest?

Mmmmm then maybe the White-Clothed Calamity isn’t XL, if they’re those that became ghosts

Ohhh interesting... I thought that the demon realm would be separate from the mortal realm like the Heavens are. I guess that just comes from being used to the idea of Hell though. That’s very discomforting though, as a human in this world, to know that all of the worlds demons and ghosts just live among you

Oh, I was right about something! So it is Green Ghost Qi Rong

The water demon doesn’t make hardly any trouble and still is listed first, while mister GG causes mayhem all the time and isn’t even Devastation level. People really do love having things that match lol they probably did just add him to make it 4

The White Clothed Calamity isn’t XL, but he seems painfully familiar with the name. It seems that this demon is the one who wiped out his own kingdom 800 years ago. I can imagine how painful it must be for him to hear that name. I wonder if he was extinguished right after/soon after he destroyed Xian Le kingdom, or if he died later on

Deathly Spirit Butterflies: cool as hell name

“Wan’t to provoke the least”: note, not the one the Heavens “hate the most” or the one that Heaven “considers the strongest”, but the one that they “don’t want to provoke”. I don’t know if this is a literal translation or if it was just written this way to keep the flow of the story, but to think that the Heavens are wary of HC and consider him such a great threat that they, instead of trying to destroy him, are instead actively avoiding him/trying not to give him a reason to turn on them... I think that says a lot

For XL to be as famous and Jun Wu but forced to be a scrap collector for 800 years while the other lives in luxury... oof

If one wanted to get to know a Heavens’ Official, they’d only need to take a walk, find a temple to visit, examine the god’s statue, study how they dressed, and what kind of enchanted weaponry they carried. With that, one could understand them to a certain extent

Except for the fact that we’ve explored how these thing change depending on the artist of the statue and the popularity of the Official... Artistic liberty and such

Do they think his name is fake because of how little it fits him? As for his appearance, people can lost of different personalities. I wouldn’t put it past him to change his appearance either, as he seems to be quite powerful.

Where can I get me a man who is always accompanied by blood rain and butterflies?

Of the stories that are given, I think he’s gonna beeeee probably a mixture of all four actually

OoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh yeah okay I have thought’s and ideas after reading that he became an official and left on his own okay yes please lets just say #heavypining

“Even if it was true, it still had to be false” xD So thats what those in Heaven find embarrassing? Interesting

Alright, so we find out that even demons/ghosts can have worshipers. We also learn that HC is probably Loki in disguise

It was almost at the point where he had enough power to cover the skies with just a single hand.

I can see why the Heavens are cautious of him. I hadn’t realized that he also had such a large following that was comparable to the Heavenly Officials’ following

He had just come out of a volcano, but that’s not important~

Okay, time to do a bit of research on poison and why it made him so formidable

*insert jeopardy theme here*

Alright so what I’m seeing about Gu is that it’s a traditional CHinese poison made by sealing several venomous creatures in a container, like snakes, spiders, and scorpions, etc., and letting them eat each other, and thus condensing the venom inside one body. It was used for things like causing disease and death, but also could possibly be used as a love charm...? this os from wikipedia:

"For centuries, the Miao, particularly Miao women", writes Schein (2000:50-51), "have been feared for their mastery of the so-called gu poison, which is said to inflict death from a distance with excruciating slowness."

Let’s go back a bit, shall we?

“...sometimes a temperamental and disagreeable teenager, sometimes a gentle, kind and elegant beautiful man, or sometimes a gorgeous female ghost with a poisonous heart.”

These things have really got me thinking now. I can’t stop reading about the poison GAH it’s so interesting!

I was confused with the wording of the sentence, “It was not a city where everyone raises Gu...” because why would someone RAISE poison? But now it makes sense, as the Gu, or Ku, is the survivor of that venomous buffet. When raised for a long time, it would continue to grown more venomous/poisonous

Oh. OH. Hua Cheng wasn’t studying Gu or making Gu, he IS Gu. Shit.

Okay he has to be Loki in disguise. To be a strong warrior and a competent scholar? Jeeze, he sounds like he really does have a lot of facets to his personality. To win in debates, you need to know when to yield and when to push. It makes me think of how when fishing, you need to sometimes let the fish swim away, but by doing that, you’re more likely to catch the fish in the end

Oh my god Hua Cheng offered his own ashes if he lost the bet, but he knew he would win xD When it says that he “openly invited” the 35 Officials, I wonder if he invited them by name, or if he just asked for 35 random Officials. I bet they were ones that were, at some point, cruel to XL huehuehue

And which 2 Officials thought he might actually defeat them? It says only 33 thought there wasn’t any chance, but that leaves two who thought he did have a chance. It seems like they didn’t participate, since it says that 33 lost the bet. I have a feeeeeeeeeling thats its XL’s two generals, because why wouldn’t it be? We need more circles withing circles, right?

In any case, people were very forgetful, in another fifty years, perhaps no one would remember it.

HAHAHA good luck with that

I can see why they don’t want to deal with him: he’s strong, cunning, and unpredictable. I doubt the Officials every get their temples burned (at least, it probably happens very, very rarely) so why would they think that HC would target the temples? They were left totally open and unguarded. What a smart cookie

I also like that he didn’t go after the two who decided not to fight him. I think that shows that he is, in a way, reasonable. He could have easily burned theirs as well, but they didn’t accept his challenge or his bet, so he left them alone.

Oh and it’s not just 33 temples, it’s all of the temples of all 33 Officials. Hoo boy, Hua Cheng, hoo boy

Jun Wu is right: don’t agree to something with such high stakes and then cry when it turns against you

Hua Cheng had also been very crafty, he only destroyed the temples and did not harm anyone.

A. GOOD. COOKIE.

Wait wait wait wait they can GO INTO PEOPLES DREAMS?! DUDE. They went into the dreams of such influential people and then lost so horribly RIP HEAVEN OFFICIALS WHO’S ARROGANT NOW BISH

So from everything that I’m reading about HC here, it seems that, and excuse me for bringing up Thor again, he doesn’t seek war, but is always prepared for it. He doesn’t openly attack people, but he’s certainly ready to fight if he needs to or feels threatened

Aaaaaaaaaaaand now a lot of them respect him. It must be such a weird dynamic between HC and the Officials: they’re Heavenly Officials for... heavens sake, and he is someone who, at least according to rumor at this point, had denounced his title as an Official and then became even stronger than many of the still current Officials. The more I read this, the more I understand why they can’t stand him. I think it’s not so much that they despise him like the 4 Clans despise WWX and want him dead, but more that they just want nothing to do with him, and are content with just staying away from him

Oh I totally saw that coming, that Mu Qing and Feng Xin were the two smart ones (or maybe they were just super uninterested) that didn’t bother with fighting HC

Op yep, it seems it was a bit of both haha they were busy and just didn’t want to bother. I wonder what their encounters were outside of the bet, since it says that they fought HC multiple times

Tadaaaahhhh- Our Highness the Crown Prince Xie Lian is totally smitten with those damn butterflies. I want to know what they do, or how HC uses them for the others to fear them that much. It says they cause “frantic devastation” so I want to see how they work

WEll I’m so glad that we’re finally getting some actual information on HC (I wasn’t expecting this much information this soon!). WE definitely still don’t know everything about him, so I can’t make a really good guess on what his personality is or anything about his character/morality, but he seems to be smart and reasonable to an extent.

Well, thanks for reading guys! See you hopefully in a few days when I get to chapter 13!

-Bee

#hob #heaven officials blessing #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #mo xian tong xiu #mxtx #hob liveblog #chinese webnovel #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #scum villain #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #xie lian #hua cheng

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ellanainthetardis · 7 years

Photo

It’s a short one today but next week will be longer and angstier ;) Let me know your thoughts!

[FF] or [ao3]

Chapter 3 : Deader And Emptier

The ringing of the phone was unwelcomed in the deadly silence of his house.

He jumped in a sitting position on the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The hangover too. His fingers had remained clenched around the neck of the bottle during his nap and it was almost painful to let go now.

The sun was up, dust danced in the light that was spilling through the window. He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep, he had drunk a lot.

He hadn’t lit a fire the previous night and it was freezing. He grabbed a dirty woolen blanket eaten by moths that had been in his living-room for as long as he could remember and wrapped it around his shoulders. His head was pounding and it took him a few seconds to remember he was supposed to answer the phone if he wanted the upsetting noise to stop.

He stepped on the tie he had discarded as soon as he had been home the previous night and almost tripped on the bag he had tossed in the hallway.

“Yeah.” he grumbled when he finally managed to reach the phone.

“What took you so long?” Effie exclaimed, reproachful.

He rolled his eyes and stumbled closer to the kitchen’s table. It was as cluttered as it had been when he had left and he wrinkled his nose at the smell. He figured he wouldn’t escape some cleaning up that day. The dishes were weeks old and he was pretty sure there was some rotten stuff around. There were also not quite empty bottles though. He grabbed an uncorked one and took a gulp, wincing at the taste of dust on his tongue.

“You’ve been gone what… Twelve hours?” he snorted. “Don’t tell me you’re already missing me, sweetheart.”

“Are you mocking me?” she growled. “I thought…” She stopped, probably wary of what she could say or not on the phone in case someone was listening – and they were listening more likely than not. “It is customary to call a friend to tell them one has safely arrived home after a trip.”

He smirked at her lecturing tone, feeling fondness rather than annoyance at her quirks. Something was wrong with him probably.

He also saw clear through the pretense. She had been scared something had happened to him already.

“Should have asked for a cleaning crew to go over my house when you had my phone repaired, sweetheart.” he commented.

“Is it that bad?” she asked, sounding almost amused.

“Pretty sure I just saw a rat.” he joked.

There was an odd noise at the other end of the line and he guessed she had automatically curled on whatever she was sitting on. Somehow, he had been certain she wouldn’t be a fan of rodents.

“Then you know what you will do with your day, don’t you?” she retorted. “Clean your house. And do some laundry too. Bedsheets are supposed to be changed more than once a year, you know.”

“Interesting you’d be worried about the state of my sheets.” he teased.

The banter was only a way to make the call last but they wouldn’t be able to keep it up long without it becoming suspicious. He didn’t want to bring attention to what was going on between them. He didn’t want Snow to get ideas.

“Oh, do not flatter yourself. I am only concerned with your health.” she retorted without missing a beat. “If you are sick, the children will have to mentor and I am so not ready to break them in by myself.”

Her voice faltered a little and he closed his eyes, swallowing back a sigh.

“You’d be fine.” he promised.

“During a Quell?” she laughed her fake laugh. “It would be terrible. A complete disaster. No, no… As much as it pains me to admit it, I need you. Besides, if you were to be incapacitated for the Games, the Gamemakers would be very mad. You are our only Quell Victor, Haymitch. How exciting! You will have so many interviews… People are certainly waiting for their Second Quell Victor to impart some wisdom. We simply could not do without you this year.”

He wasn’t quite oblivious to what she was trying to do and, while he appreciated it, he doubted the reminder that the Quell was rolling around would be enough to balance out the fact he had tried to launch a revolution.

Still, it made him smile.

Did she think she was being subtle?

Did she think it would influence them?

She had a point though. With the Quell rolling around… He would get some attention and it might be just enough that they would wait to end him… He doubted he would escape without some sort of punishment though. And he doubted that this punishment wouldn’t take the form of an end.

“Great.” he deadpanned. “You know how I love being in the spotlight.”

“Well.” she huffed. “Being in the spotlight is sometimes a good thing. Someone in the spotlight cannot fade away without questions being asked. Isn’t it nice to be missed?”

It was getting dangerous and he took another swing of liquor. It was thick with dust and it made him gag a little but he swallowed it all.

He added that to the list of things he would need to do that day: visit the Hob.

“Doubt people would miss me long, sweetheart.” he pointed out.

“Some would.” she argued.

She would, she meant.

He closed his eyes a second, wishing he could… He wasn’t sure. Smell her perfume? He couldn’t even imagine it given how much the house reeked.

“I need to go.” he said, his voice a bit too rough. This was painful. Knowing it might be the last time he was talking to her. Not knowing rather. Not that he could say anything even if it was. The words he wanted to say would be her death warrant and he wasn’t that selfish. “Stuff to do, you know.”

“Yes…” she sighed. “I have things to do too. Unpack and catch up with my friends amongst other things. It will be a busy, busy day!”

He wondered if it was as physically painful to be that cheerful all the time as it sounded like.

“I bet.” he snorted.

There was a short silence and, when she spoke again, her voice betrayed her anxiety.

“I shall call you tomorrow, shall I?” she declared. “So we can start planning the wedding.”

“You know I know shit about weddings, right?” he replied. “Whatever you do will be…”

“I am not planning it on my own.” she cut him off. “I need your input. Why, I believe I will have to call you almost every day. Well. When need must…”

She was planning on checking on him, then.

As long as they talked only about the wedding, he didn’t see the harm.

He wasn’t against hearing her voice more often than once every six months.

“If you’ve got to.” he sighed.

“Try not to sound so happy about it or it will go to my head.” she teased.

He snorted. “Bye, sweetheart.”

“Goodbye, Haymitch.” she whispered.

There was a soft click and the dead ringing of a disconnected line.

The silence, once he had put the phone back on its cradle, was oppressing.

After so many weeks spent on the a train full of people, his house felt even deader and emptier than usual.

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #into that good night

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