#we made it thru today

[cevansbrat0007]

Smile. Because you got yourself out of bed this morning, even when your body might've felt too heavy to move.

Smile. Because you took a shower, even though each step on the way to the bathroom might've felt like you were walking through quicksand.

Smile. Because you forced yourself to go to class. Go to work. Or simply leave the house. Even though the thought of having to engage with strangers might've felt like torture.

Smile. Because you managed to accomplish every little thing that your brain lied and told you you couldn't.

Smile. Because somehow, in spite of all the noise, you found the strength to make it through the day.

Smile. Because you deserve to be proud of yourself for every hard-won victory you earned today - big or small.

Because look at you, baby. You did it! And for the what it's worth, I'm super fucking proud of you. Now go drink some water, eat some chocolate, or watch your favorite show. Just rest.

Because you've earned it.

Goodnight - Britt

#britt's notes #we made it thru today #i love my moots #love and support #sending positive vibes #feeling grateful #proud of everyone who struggled today but also got thru it #you always let me lean on you #you can lean on me too

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[b4kuch1n]

haha! bit ill

#bakuspeech #delete later #I definitely don't have a fever my forehead doesn't feel that hot (thermometer shows 38.6 degree c) well #this is a bit of a high fever for a cold I think. so I might be in for the A virus goin around rn #Ive headed it of when my throat started hurting so Im not coughing a lot #and the guideline says stay home until I get worried. and I made my own food today so Im not worried yet lol #but yeah tldr: sick. not a major chance of it getting worse but I'm keepin an eye on it #so uh. wont be talking much for the next week probably! not that I say a lot nowadays lmao #dont worry about me. I do miss drawing tho have to sit out of drawing yet again.... auuuu #cool story I'll tell u guys later. not now tho I gotta lay down probably #okay alright have a good night lads #we strong! we're strong! we chill n we'll get thru this

[boxwinebaddie]

if anyone’s wondering where i went, i’ll be back i am currently deep cleaning and being…the most productive i’ve ever been in my life n muscling thru my healing arc

#nina speaks #everyone say go nina go nina GOOO #i’ve almost never successfully deep cleaned anything #bc i get stressed out and give up halfway #we are NOT doing that today brother #we are ushering new cool happy nina in #and we’re doing it in cool and clean creative space #im gods sweet perfect delicate princess i was. it made for hard work #but pain is beauty everyone #put my hair bag #trash bags are out #make a man out of you is blaring #if ur going thru something baby #keep going #do it for me

[readingwriter92]

Anxiety is cancelled from now on. I’ve had too much of it today

#this week has been rediculous for me being anxious for DUMB SHIT REASONS BRIAN #today i stg he was just trying to fuck with me #had an anxious like. four hours during work. then after work played some good Minecraft #and listened to Tanis and then I went. hmm I’ll be an adult #and then halfway thru going out I went fuck it. fun. we go to cafe #so I go to my usual haunt. do some writing. only mildly fuck up ordering the drink I get. everytime. #I have a good time #mild dumb brain action nothing out of the norm #hell he was fine when I had to stand there while the cashier at the grocery store tried to scan an item that wouldn’t scan #but. then. Brian decided I’d been lulled into enough of a false sense of security #and makes me think I lost my keys. #and just as I find them. I no longer need them #fuck you brian #I knew EXACTLY where I’d put my keys #but my brain went nah. they’re not there. and therefore made me go thru my ENTIRE bag #you’d think having a whole ass plush on my keys would make it easier to find #but apparently not #anyways at least I can watch another ep of Jack Ryan tonight #it’s the Little things

[sleepinglionhearts]

Man, just saw a post about it, but renewed my frustration over work nonsense yesterday

Being like, oh, cool! It's disability pride month! We get to switch the displays in the store! I wanna make a really cool display right up front!!

Getting a cart to go start selecting books from our wide array of children's books, picture books, YA novels, adult fiction, nonfiction, etc that I know feature disabled characters and people and that I've seen sitting on the shelves for a while, our previous book buyer was always suuuuuper vocal about finding books w disabled characters, after all, representation just MATTERED SO MUCH to her,

And then being absolutely dumbfounded when we BARELY HAVE ANYTHING outside of characters w ADHD/Autism. MAYBE anxiety. PERHAPS a character has cancer. THE FAINTEST SUGGESTION of a wheelchair in one book. Huntington's? Question mark? In another? Conditions resulting in disfigurement/amputation? The concept could possibly exist in this book, uhh.. maybe...... anything else? Ha! Not on these shelves I fucking guess?!

Like.... we have a ton of books w queer rep! Different body types! Different skin tones! Teach your toddler about social justice! Transgender characters! Nonbinary characters! The alphabet but we're making it gay! At least one book, I think, with asexual characters! But no, we don't have our self-empowerment books anymore or the little guide to sexuality and disability, we have Buddhist monk advice for anxious people, but nooooo we DON'T have that cool book that talked about disability activism anymore, and definitely not in time for July!

I know she and I were at odds before she left, and I know my specifically putting "National month of..." prompts up on my desk calendar after she expressed it was "so difficult to find out what each month is the month of!" probably really irritated her, but I'm like. Appalled that she hadn't been ordering to restock for disability pride month since she always made such a big deal about having books like that in the store.

#venting #work stuff #she quit at the end of june #two of my coworkers and I are sorta filling in for her role while a replacement is searched for and all that #i know she put in a ton of orders before she left so I'm hoping things start to trickle in #i haven't gone thru the order submissions in detail yet to see what we're expecting #but i'll be doing that later this week #as it is today was dealing with a mess of half unpacked shipments #and correcting little mistakes here and there and leaving instructions for coworkers tomorrow #gotta say i was so... disappointed hunting for those books #i looked at the sad selection of nonfiction and self help stuff I'd found and was like. yeah i think I'd be offended #if i saw these titles all grouped together for the pride display. it just felt bad #i made a halfway decent arrangement for the children's section but it took a lot of title research #and even then like half the titles i saw in recommendation lists looked so cool and i would think #surely we should have THIS one bc it looks like the sorta thing Buyer would have ordered and it seems neat as hell! #but. uh. we would have no order history for it. #hhhrrhhrhrhrgh if i see absolutely nothing in the orders we will be expecting #I'm gonna order a bunch of books #and try to plan out the next couple of monthly themes #hmph! even if I'm not the books person I'm still gonna put in SOME effort!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes #and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on #ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done #and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well #im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them #and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right #its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried #i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway #im just. this is gonna b a difficult week #and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend #nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia? #how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru #but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep #ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway #and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week #sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems #but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed #unrelated

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

Me @ Netflix if they cut Foxglove and Hazel or A Game of You or yassify any of the girls

#sandman season 2 #a game of you #fucking bullshit man this comic say what you want in not saying there's nothing to criticize but christ #where else even today do you get queer women characters this un-polished and prettied up #to still be appealing looking to cishet men who are allowed to be messy and Problematic without #being punished by the narrative. And Wanda god she's a nerd she's a scene gal fashion wise she's everything #Barbie is desperately recovering any sense of identity at all and it's so compelling. I don't even trust netflix to do them justice #at this point but if the lesbians the fandom was least likely to find Palatable background extras aka the most human ones #are cut? If Wanda is yassified if Barbie is cut? Because we have to streamline everything and cut off everything that made #sandman unique to pull as many bucks as possible? Yes I AM going to take that #personally actually. It kinda does feel like a slap in the face. Queer women and women in general were the core fanbase of the comic for ye #but if they say fuck us when it's time to make $$?? Then fuck them right back. Bye #We don't need yet another time that if queer women aren't looking like models #they're not fit to be seen according to executives and audiences alike #also it goes without saying that if h0b g*dli*g gets one second more screen time than is necessary #I'm gonna chew my way thru Netflix hqs walls #Has he not taken over enough. The fandom is already insufferable about him #and I'm so fucken tired of it we DON'T need more #yes I know this is all fears and speculation. I WANT to be wrong. You don't know how happy I'll be if i have to eat my own words #But until then I'm so nervous

[emahriel]

Eid Mubarak ft. today's fit, my huge forehead and sausage fingers

#self #eid mubarak frens!!!! #we made it thru the hunger games wooo #leon ruined ramadan but its ok #anyway i don't post selfies often but im feelin good today #except for the bad bangs i need to cut

[cattoru]

knew this shit was sad but nobody told me it was going to be this fucking sad

#can you believe this is not ab stsg #basically my best friend is back in town and we finally caught up to mdzs s3 together and made it halfway thru today… #xue yang and xiao xingchen’s part basically ripped my fucking heart out #there’s sooooo many things i want to say ab it but for now the soundtrack is so good like genuinely soooooo good #whoever is scoring the mxtx donghua knows exactly what to do if they want me to cry on cue LMAO #notable moments… when a qing opened xiao xingchen’s coffin for the first time… the look in her eyes :( #ofc wei ying’s infamous 你不配… xiao xingchen realizing who he just stabbed not by sight but by touch of the engraving on his sword… #and having to realize who he’s REALLY been killing every night for two years all dawning on him within the span of a couple minutes… #xue yang desperately trying to salvage the scattering fragments of xiao xingchen’s soul like his life depended on it… #AND THE SCENE WHERE XIAO XINGCHEN… SUFFOCATED BY THE BURDEN OF HIS SINS THAT WEREN’T EVEN HIS FAULT TO BEGIN WITH… TAKING HIS OWN LIFE… #and the ‘it wasn’t your fault’ AT THE END… MXTX U WILL PAY FOR UR CRIMES!!!!!!! #how tf am i supposed to watch shibuya arc like this I NEED TO RECOVER #cattoru’s #mdzs #xxc #xue yang

[ink--theory]

forever a member of the “landlords don’t deserve rights” club

#on friday I received a paper on my door with an eviction notice saying we had 3 days to leave for no reason what so ever #their office is closed on the weekend so I just had to stay at home with my anxiety thru the roof wondering wtf we did to get evicted #I think all the sudden stress and anxiety I was put under made me sick over the weekend so there's that #so anyway I go in today had to wait like an hour for them to end their phonecall to show them the paper #all for them to laugh and say that was meant for another apartment...the paper was meant for north but they fucked up and put south instead #this is like the second time this happened too #idk if my anxiety can take a third one later on down the line kfdljsdkj

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[lesbianlenas]

obsessed w my scarf i got to wear for the first time today very warm & cozy…pic of me wearing it 🤩

#michelle speaks #blocked out my face bc i literally look haggard…… #just got off the metro after my contracts class which was a speedrun today bc it was my last class & we were behind #so my professor was rushing thru the material & made us stay 10 mins late lol #i took this pic to send to my friend for reasons i will not explain…… #but i love my scarf it is so big and i was very warm in it….i have another scarf that is smaller but idc now. obsessed.

[tittyblade]

Did you get back home safe? (From the march)

i have!!! AND SO HAS MY PROTEST SIGN!!!! its a lil worse for wear bc Boy did i carry it LOL. ive grown very attached to it tho itd kill me to get it snatched by the police. its going up on my wall <33333

#before the march started people sort of. negotiated with the police #it went on from 7:30 pm til 9 pm #and there was a press release at 9 pm #then we had to go home #and surprisingly the police forces went thru with their promise there was no violence at ALL within that time frame #so the majority of us just went home after the press release i personally didnt want to get arrested today LOL #all thruout those two n a half hours we remained stationary which was annoying as FUCK like. they didnt let us move an inch #but fine whatever i shouted my throat raw i jumped n made noise #and was visible with my trans identity thats all that matters to me #so it was good <3 #went on a bit of a tangent there LOL

[sluttyten]

I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭

#I just…. #really wanna go home today #not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our #opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened #and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period #and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working #one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned #him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window #and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my #coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders #and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru #so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions #and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry #and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I #just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now #for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow #also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately #and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music #first world problems but I have so little patience today

[victim9d]

I wanna rewatch desperate housewives

#that show made me the angst driven writer i am today #so much of my style of storytelling i think comes from being raised on that show #we got to drive thru the wisteria lane set at paramount and it was so exciting #and i havent watched it in. god like probably a decade #and i wanna rewatch it now that i know Kyle maclachlan from twin peaks #bc when i started tp it was 'the main guy was from desperate housewives' bc thats what I knew him from skddhkf