#we don’t owe you an explanation we’re just fucking strange and queer in a way that you can either Get With or get the fuck out

[genderfreakxx]

Deeply deeply in love with folks who exist on the outskirts of queer identity while simultaneously embodying their queerness in every piece of art they create

Folks who maybe don’t transition in a traditional sense but identify heavily with queerness and live authentically in a way that cannot be defined by cis heteronormativity

People who are just unabashedly queer and don’t feel like they have to prove shit to anyone-

Call them whatever the fuck you want, it can’t detract from what they’ve done to subvert cishet expectations and it sure as fuck won’t make them lose any sleep

Lynn Breedlove and Gerard Way are my two first artists that come to mind

They’ve made insane leaps and bounds for the queer community in multiple intersecting ways and in ways where labels don’t even particularly make sense for them- they rejected so many labels and pushed forward in spite of and with love for their nonconformity-

Fucking QUEER people who don’t bother with labels- I fucking love you

#I’m just fucking queer #and I love people who just ARE queer #we don’t owe you an explanation we’re just fucking strange and queer in a way that you can either Get With or get the fuck out #gerard way #Lynn Breedlove #blithering on #gender

[thelevelsman]

some (slightly edited) notes from my tfp rewatch (first time watching since it aired)

basically took my liveblogging and expanded upon parts that don’t make sense unless you’re me

‪‪Umbrella sword‬...wasn’t there something about gatiss scoffing at the idea that mycroft’s umbrella was actually a weapon? 

only thing i can find is an unsourced quote from gatiss: “I think it’s his comfort blanket. He may even sleep with it. The umbrella comes from a wonderful old shop in New Oxford St. They still advertise ‘dagger canes’ and ‘sword sticks’ but, to their great regret, are no longer allowed to stock them!” sooo....was this him hinting that it actually was a weapon? either way, it’s ridiculous and OOC 

‪i had it in my head that this first scene was a nightmare, like I remembered it that way - i was convinced i was gonna see mycroft waking up from a bad dream but it turned out that it was...real? that sherlock rigged his house/security to do that? i just...why would they make it seem so nightmarish

When John says “‪221B Baker Street” it feels so weird...J and S always been so recalcitrant about their own fame, to have John talk about their home in that way, almost like an advertisement, feels so strange and OOC

‪“This is family” “That’s why he stays!!!” and John smiles?! Last time I watched T6T I came up with a half-baked theory that John was always cheating on Mary with Sherlock and we just didn’t get to see the beginning of it, and that season 5 will be going back in time and filling in the gaps. Need to make a different post expanding on this but this particular line in TFP does support my theory.

‪‪The way Mycroft explains everything about Eurus is contrary to the way every episode has played out so far - he gives them all the answers right away. Such a red flag for me

Why did Mycroft not get injured in the explosion - I mean, it’s weird that none of them got injured, but we specifically see one of his men saying that he got injured, so...why? 

John answering Mycroft’s earlier question about who originally said “the truth is rarely pure and never simple” - JOHN knew that Oscar Wilde said that, and when he reveals this, Sherlock is shown smiling...WTF! 

‪”Frankly, this is embarrassing.” “Oh. Doing a cavity search?” like...literally why/what the fuck...why does he say this....with this face....

Ok so when John is watching Sister Edgelord’s video as what I presume is an introduction to her personality, she says the bit about good not being really good and evil not being really evil but the next sentence is this: “Bottoms aren’t really pretty and you are a prisoner of your own meat.” 

If this is all actually in John’s mind...interesting. It goes along with the theory that Culverton is John’s nightmare version of himself - a sexual predator type who is enslaved by his own sick desires.

‪Sherlock literally saying WHAT DO YOU MEAN, REWRITTEN‬ khdskfjh

‪John looking Sherlock DEAD in the eye when he says “I was” in response to “are you married” is like...sexy lmao ‬

‪I can’t believe how much like an escape room this stupid episode is‬

‪What if the episode is both J&S’s nightmares combined? The coffin is John’s coffin, and in John’s nightmare Sherlock doesn’t know that John loves him - Sherlock assumes the coffin is Molly’s, he gets the “who loves you?” question completely wrong. ALSO SLDJKSJSJSD WAIT five years ago, was that before Reichenbach? bc it’s explicitly stated in the show that Moriarty DIDN’T think of Molly, he didn’t endanger her bc he thought Sherlock didn’t care abt her. How does it make sense, if this is reality, that Eurus/Moriarty put Molly in harms’ way or knew that she would be of value to Sherlock? Ok anyway that was a separate point but my original point was that it’s both of their nightmares combined somehow and in the same scene we switch to Sherlock’s nightmare of being forced to tell a woman that he loves her in front of the man he actually loves. FUCK SAAAAKE!‬

‪OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!! WHEN SHERLOCK IS DEDUCING THE COFFIN, JOHN IS SHOWN SAYING “THAT WAS A LONELY NIGHT ON GOOGLE” ITS HIS FUCKING COFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCKING!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!! FUCKING!!!!! SHOW!!!!!!!!‬

‪I’M LITERALLY GOING TO FUCKING THROW UP I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS.................everything he says regarding the purchaser of the coffin was abt John...also John is the one to challenge the “its for a woman” deduction, like, SHERL, why are u assuming its a woman just bc of height...

‪Sherlock says “I’m remembering the governor” before he goes to kill himself, I have no idea what that means but I feel like it has to be important‬

‪“You were upset, so you told yourself a better story”‬ BIG FUCKING SEASON FOUR MOOD

‪headcanon the cipher riddle is about John (I am lost without your love, save my soul seek my room ksjskjdjskdjdjfjdjdkkdjdjdjdjdjdkkdk)‬

‪How did he escape the well if his feet were chained, how did the police get there, why would Scotland Yard come if Mycroft’s people were already on it, how did they get off the island and to the Holmes’s childhood home, not to mention the mother fucking grenade lmao...so much suspension of disbelief is required for this episode to make physical, geographical sense, it is so SO far removed from the realities and physical constraints of space and time. I’m almost positive it’s a nightmare of some sort‬

‪The flat is destroyed in the beginning of the episode, signifying that the rest of the story is fake?‬

‪Maybe...ok if we are in John’s mind, it would make sense that Sherlock saves him from a completely impossible trap that also involved his brother and sister - John has always been scared of Sherlock’s origin/trauma but he believes so strongly that Sherlock is his savior (I was so alone and I owe you so much)‬

‪Are pirates and/or Victor Trevor queer coded? I don’t know I’m just wondering. Either way VT looks exactly like baby John lmaaaaooooooo so subtle

‪Eurus’s explanation about deep water is just a cover for the casuals, like it’s the show trying to tie it all together from Sherlock’s perspective when they’re concealing that we’re really just in John’s mind‬

‪John says “You gave her what she was looking for. Context.” does this support my “they’ve been together for a while now” theory? ITS A MAD WIDDLE!‬

‪Who the fuck is Uncle Rudi, did he put Eurus away? Why does it matter?‬

‪“If I’m gone, I know what you could become.” WHAT THE FUCK!‬ WHY THE FUCK! WOULD SHE SAY THIS!

“‪there’s always one last hope‬”

‪When they’re rebuilding the flat does it signal that now the show can get back on track?‬

‪The ep ending without a cliffhanger is like...almost a cliffhanger in itself...it’s a super meta cliffhanger bc it’s out of pattern so it signals that something is wrong....THE FUCKING LEVELS MAN‬

#rewatch lb #the final problem #tfp

[iamnobird94]

Excerpt from Chapter 13 of my Morrigan (#acotar) fan-fiction (#queer #lgbt #lesbian #romance #fluff #au), head over to Ao3 or Fan-fiction.Net to read the story so far...

CHAPTER 13:

The cabin Elle had gifted to them was small; enough room for two or three, if one passenger were a child. There were two bunks; there was a small round window and a wooden cabinet to hold luggage. Brianna guessed this might have been a higher ranking crew members’ bunk, given how nice it was and its proximity to the Captains private room and main deck.

Brianna dropped her baggage and watched as Mor surveyed the small room, her scent already filling Brie’s senses and that voice inside her seemed to melt.

“You can pick whichever one you like” Brianna said while rubbing at her still healing hand. Mor was waiting, either for Brie to explain or to collect her own thoughts before she spoke, Brianna didn’t know which, but the silence was unnerving her, she hated it.

“I’m sorry,” she said and Mor finally met her eyes, “I made you a promise and I was careless, I’ve no excuse other than Elle…”

She started to pace; breaking eye contact with her “the Captain” she clarified “she…well, it’s complicated and I…” she slumped onto the bed and glanced out of the small window, mesmerised by the blue waves. “I wanted to hurt her” she laughed, feeling pathetic, “I suppose I failed at even that” she smiled incredulously.

She shifted as Mor sat beside her; they were so close she could clearly see the specs of caramel in Mor’s eyes. She froze as Mor tucked a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear, she hoped to all the gods and stars that Mor couldn’t hear how fast her heart beat in her chest.

“Everyone has a past Brianna” the way her name sounded as Mor said it, with a hint of her accent along with the deeper, husky tone, it sent literal shivers down her spine.

“But you made me a promise, it was careless to attack that woman, regardless of who she is or was to you” Brianna flinched, but she didn’t respond, Mor had every right to be upset. “That carelessness could have cost you your life, and certainly some lives of her crew”. Mor sighed loudly; her warm breath caressed her as she glanced out of the window.

“I’m guessing since we were given a cabin that all was forgiven and she’ll take us to the Island?”

“We’re making a stop on a nearby small island and then to Hybern” She said, meeting Mor’s gaze. “I know I owe you a proper explanation for earlier…”

“You don’t need to explain to me, I just wanted to be clear again…” she flinched slightly as Mor placed a delicate, callused hand on her shoulder “there are lives relying on us Brianna, no one can afford another war, more death and pain – I don’t think we’d survive it”.

“I know my actions speak to the contrary, but I don’t want that either” she lightly punched Mor’s arm and the faerie smiled, swatting her away. Gods this woman was stunning, being so close to her was torture. She really did want to help Mor and her cause, besides the sooner she helped Mor, the sooner she could return to her life, where lovers were for one night, never to be seen again.

Not that she regarded Mor as a potential lover, but she’d only be lying to herself if she didn’t acknowledge how the faerie made her body ache in places. It made her miss the taverns she frequented once in a while.

“Is everything okay?” Mor whispered with a glint in her eyes; her head slightly cocked. Her tanned skin looks so soft, how could she seem so powerful, calluses and all yet have softness too? What was stopping her from having a little fun with the faerie, besides the one night rule? Nothing, she realised and a warmth spread throughout her body.

Her heart stopped. What if Mor didn’t like women like that? She was angry with herself for taking so long to have that thought. It was beyond insensitive. But nothing Mor did told her that she didn’t have those…urges herself. She wasn’t blind, and for some reason she was always seemed tuned in to the bodies of others. Mor’s body told her that she might not exclusively like men.

She wanted to rattle her head against an iron bar, what did any of it matter? They were on a ship with her ex-best friend headed to her homeland, that she’d not seen since she’d left it before the recent war.

And yet, as she quickly drank in Mor’s curves and sultry confident smile. Those facts didn’t seem to take up much room in her mind. She sucked on her bottom lip, biting it gently.

“There’s one tiny issue…” she said, her tone laced with humour and guilt, Mor’s brow rose and her stomach flipped, she really hoped the faerie didn’t realise the affect she had on her, even after only a few short weeks of knowing her. “Elle, the Captain...she asked you to stay away from her crew, she said she didn’t want you to distract them”. Because the faerie was most certainly, distracting. With her pointed ears, powerful body and soft smile. Her priorities were a bit shit, and she cursed her body.

“That’s…” she straightened, “sensible”. Her smile was dazzling, she realised. What in the cursed hell was wrong with her? She’d normally be to handle herself; Mor was apparently a different game altogether.

Brianna leant forward and cautiously shifted a strand of Mor’s hair from her eyes, allowing it to slip between her fingers. She knew it was a dangerous game to play, with a faerie especially, but her body ached with the proximity of the tall warrior. It was enough to ignite her brain to urge her to run, but on a ship in the middle of the sea…

“I’m sure the man you left at home misses you” she whispered, not so subtly leaning into Mor’s ear, and she could have sworn she heard a quiet, barely audible moan escape the faerie. All rational thoughts about their journey, where they were and everything else died in her mind.

She felt her whole body, every inch of it was on fire and the tiny hairs on her neck seemed to stand. Every intake of breath was filled with Mor’s sweet cinnamon scent. Her hand gripped the course sheets, and she crossed her leg over the other as she subtly shifted closer to her.

Mor shook her head softly, her mouth curved up into a wicked smile. She moved closer so they were side by side, the space between them forgotten and their legs brushed.

“I don’t have a mate, or male to go home to” Mor said with a sultry tone.

“What about a female?” Brianna whispered, nerves attacking her heart as it sped, and Mor shook her head. Brianna tightened her grip on the sheets in her hand.

Their gazes met and locked and Brianna stared as both of their chests raised and fell quicker. That dark voice in her mind was alert and eager. She was both terrified and impatient, but she enjoyed the playful side to Mor, a lot. Too much.

Brianna took a final brave inch closer, until their mouths were inches apart, she paused and smiled as she noticed Mor’s eyes had lowered and were intently studying her mouth.

“I’m glad,” she admitted and closed the remaining inches until their mouths met…

As Brianna began slowly exploring Mor’s mouth. She felt every inch of her body; it was as though she were hyper alert, and yet completely lost at the same time. She parted her mouth slightly and Mor gently entered with her tongue. Brianna groaned into Mor’s mouth. Her centre throbbed, yet it was her emotions that terrified her.

It felt as though she were exactly where she needed to be. Nothing else really mattered; it had all led her to this moment. To those tender lips.

“Fuck it” she whispered into Mor’s mouth and the faerie grinned against her lips.

She repositioned herself on her lap and kissed a slightly shocked Mor with the ferocity that her body craved. The golden hair draped over Mor’s shoulder a she gripped her waist and kissed Brianna’s neck. Brianna leaned her head back slightly and moaned, which earned a gentle hum from Mor.

She wanted nothing more than to get Mor’s strange armour off her body and drink it all in, and her fingers began playing with the laces of her bodice, when a loud knock reverberated through the room.

Brianna swiftly jumped up, bumping her head hard on the top bunk. She growled at the door like some kind of animal.

“Captain needs all crew on deck,” shouted a muffled voice. Fiorello.

She rubbed her head and glanced at Mor who was frozen in her spot, with a lazy grin plastered on her slightly swollen lips. She fanned her face and glared at the door, hoping Fiorello would leave.

“She said I had to stay here until you left” she felt the urge to growl again and shook her head, shaking her hands and smiling apologetically at Mor.

“We’ll need to talk about that when you return” Mor smiled and lay on her side on the cot. Brianna sighed at the timing. She knew they would need to talk about it all but, being honest, she really wanted to avoid that conversation.

“Talking is not what I had in mind when I returned, Mor” she grunted as she struggled to pull out a warmer hooded piece of clothing from her luggage. Mor used her elbows on the cot so her hands could rest on her chin, and her eyes said they wanted that too. “Fine, we’ll talk” she groaned.

But she felt those golden brown eyes on her as she yanked open the door and long after she had closed it behind her.

~

As she followed Fiorello to the main deck and was greeted with some slight raindrops, her mind sobered. What was she thinking, going after Mor like that? It was irresponsible, stupid…

Had she ruined her working relationship with her? And what did her body and hearts reaction mean – it had scared her. She’d never felt a pull or need like it before.

She looked up into the darkening sky, and cursed to herself.

“Get the riggers up there, I want crows appointed and on lookout at all times. Start a shift. I don’t want a repeat of last time” Elle shouted to the crew, people were hurrying in all directions.

“Ah, Brie, follow me” Fiorello glared at her as she walked past him. She tried fixing her hair and hoped the flush on her skin could be written off as her being slightly cold from the chill growing in the air.

“It’s getting darker already,” she said to no one in particular.

“Well observed Brianna” said Elle, “the nights come quicker now autumn is here, it took us a little longer to get the ship ready than I anticipated but I didn’t have a licence to stay docked for any longer so we had to leave”. She huffed as she took the stairs two at a time to the ships steering point.

“Look” she grunted as she took the wheel and steadied it, “I need to know what you can do to better suit the ship.”

“I can sail, steer, shoot, cook you name it, I’m stronger than I look” she said sheepishly.

“Fantastic” Elle said, “I’ll start you as a filler, you can cover some men while they rest”. Brianna nodded curtly, the heat dying down in her stomach. But the throb between her legs didn’t seem to calm just yet. She was making sure to avoid thinking about the gorgeous golden haired faerie in her bunk.

“I won’t lie to you, this journey is dangerous” Elle’s sharp tone brought her back to the present, and the rain started to fall freely. She hugged her clothes closer, oblivious Elle continued, “not many are brave enough to risk it. The seas are choppy, storms unpredictable and the area is still patrolled by human and non-human ships”. Brianna scowled at that, she knew the dangers of the seas, especially following the war.

“Pirates lurking in the caves, desperate people, they’ll take every life on this vessel for a scrap of bread and gold” she barked more orders at the crew, tightening her grip on the wheel.

“Fiorello will get you some additional clothes and weaponry. Stay alert, Brianna” she grinned, showing her straight teeth and the scar down her face pulled. Brianna scowled at the woman, different emotions battled inside of her, and it all felt a bit overwhelming but she dutifully took the clothes and weapons from Fiorello.

What hell awaited her on this journey, she was uncertain, but she did know she had a lovely woman in her bunk with a dazzling smile and addictive body waiting for her.

She pulled the clothes over her body, leathers mostly and they hugged her form nicely. She strapped the weapons to hips and ankle in practised, swift motions. She’d not argue the extra clothes and weaponry that would have been ridiculous.

She stood as she tied her hair in a tight bun and glanced back toward her bunk, and she swore she could feel Mor’s eyes on her as she shook her hands and faced the main deck in search of her first task.

~ Morrigan ~

Morrigan’s heart hammered against her chest as she watched Brianna leave the room. The low growl had been odd, for a human anyway, but it had awoken her need further and it had taken everything in her to hold back from pulling the female back to the bed.

It was a strange development, and certainly one that her court would not welcome too kindly. For one, she thought as she hopped up and began moving her luggage into compartments, ignoring her shaking hands.

For the most part, they didn’t know she liked females, the High Lady excluded. And for two, this was an important task given to her by Rhys and Feyre, she didn’t believe they’d be too happy with her taking liberties with the female she’d been instructed was ‘key’ to the desired goal. She understood the ramifications of failing, and she’d meant what she’d said to Brianna, she do anything she could and within her power to stop any further losses or potential wars.

When she’d left, the Court of Dreams were trying to gain some semblance of order, rebuilding what was lost from the ashes of the war. But the healing process was long and the Court of Nightmares seemed to relish the disorder. They’d had to spare a handful of Illiryian troops to keep them in check, and she’d agreed with Kier a very tenuous truce. One she’d later told Rhys, was not going to hold. Especially now, the Court of Nightmares knew of Valaris and other courts had also suffered high losses in their leadership.

When Azriel’s spies heard of discord amongst the humans, worsened by their genuine terror that the wall was no longer protecting them from their fae neighbours. Certain radical factions were rising in influence and power, and it was dangerous. Feyre had asked her sisters to be emissaries for the humans and asked each court to appoint their own, so they could begin conversations about the world they wanted to live in. Laws were passed to begin to protect humans, but Morrigan knew it wouldn’t be enough to deter the more adventures fae who loved the chaos.

When Azrial had said Kier had allied with a particularly dangerous human faction of rebels, who wanted a more powerful and irreversible wall to replace the one they’d lost, Morrigan hadn’t been shocked at her fathers involvement in such an act.

Az had said he gathered they needed something left behind in Hybern to begin the process and resurrecting whatever it was that heinous, evil creature had hidden in his den of mother knew what, was not an option.

And here she was. In a small cabin, rooted in the centre with little else to do but wait. She wished she’d convinced Rhys that she could have winnowed straight to Hybern, but he’d insisted on getting there quietly and with a guided hand. She knew he was withholding information as he usually did, it had angered her but Amren had convinced her to do it this way and that she’d watch over her family and both Courts.

She caught site of Brianna’s large bag she carried her possessions in and wondered over to where she’d haphazardly stuffed it into a wooden drawer.

She gripped it and ran her hands over its entrance before she placed it back and took her weapons off her body to hide away. She didn’t really need them anyway, Rhys had convinced her to take them.

Morrigan turned the door handle and slipped out into the dark corridor, smelling rain in the air she tugged her cloak over her head and swept away following Brianna’s scent, which made her stomach churn. The scent unnerved her and stirred feelings she’d long forgotten, she’d had lovers, she thought as she rounded a sharp corner and climbed some stairs with ease, but her heart and body had never, ever reacted the way it had when Brianna had kissed her.

She perched on a high point, covered by the wooden beams and sails. The crew darted around, and she’d no doubt she was partially invisible to them in this spot, nevertheless they were too busy to really pay her much attention.

She’d thought she might very well die if they’d gone further and she was aware that she couldn’t jeopardise the task by going too far with Brianna. In the short time she’d known her, she’d felt different. She couldn’t let her libido ruin it all.

She followed her scent and somehow she’d simply known it was Brianna before the female stood, flexed her arms and shook out her hands. She wore a body conforming long coat, it looked almost like a military uniform, with swirls of reds, whites and black, weapons hung from her hip, the female blew out a breath and rolled her shoulders before confidently glancing up at the rigging. She looked…powerful. Beautiful.

Morrigan leant her head against a wooden beam and sighed, her breath fogging in front of her as she realised with sudden clarity that it was her uncontrollably fast beating heart that she feared most.

#a court of thorns and roses #fanfic #lgbt story #acotar #morrigan #femslash #dual pov #ao3 fanfic #lesbian

[lextenou]

The Gayest Bunch of Songs I Ever Did Hear

AKA The Songs That Helped Lead to My Sexual Awakening.

I love music. I love having something playing in the background. I apparently know a lot of songs, if my record at pub quiz is any indication. In this spirit, I’ve curated this list of songs that mean something to me as part of my journey from child to adult.

Many a year ago, as but a spritely lad, I saw a movie. ‘Twas a rather pedestrian movie, all told, but well casted and well framed teen movie. What really threw it over the top was the blatantly “fuck you, I am in charge of me” feminist slant that the movie took. A baby Yeardley Smith was in it - notable as this was released three years before she would take on her lifetime role of Lisa Simpson. 

She was not what caught my eye and my burgeoning interest. No, that honor was reserved for the lead and namesake of the movie, Helen Slater. In her role as the confused and desperate teenager Billie Jean, Slater managed to create in me a respect for the autonomy of self, and a lifelong deep seated weakness for blondes with short hair. 

All told, The Legend of Billie Jean occupies a special place. Ostensibly inoffensive, it has as its crux the story of a girl who deals with unceasing, unrelenting soul crushing beatdowns of spirit. But then! In taking up protection for her brother, she finds in herself the will to stand up, fight, and demand what’s fair. Indeed, the mantra of “Fair is fair” rings throughout the movie, and the slimy douchebaggery of a crotch grabbing ass spelunking ephebophile attempting to convince her to accept payment in the form of his dick throws her past the breaking point. 

At which point there’s kidnapping and running from the law. 

The main song, and indeed, the theme of the movie is Pat Benatar’s “Invincible”. The video includes the standard clips from the movie, including scenes of Slater both before and after she cuts off her hair. Also, no, she and Christian are not actually brother and sister despite playing siblings in the movie.

I went through a lot of changes in 1999. Not the least of which was mourning the passing of the Prince song “1999″, I also had a magnificent few months in San Francisco, where I first listened to The Butches. Comprised of Kaia Wilson, Alison Martlew and Melissa York, they were iconic and pioneering. Every bit as much as Wilson’s first major band, Team Dresch, The Butchies managed to find an accessible and aggressive sound rooted firmly in dyke loving. 

Seeing them at San Francisco Pride remains a highlight of my life. 

While “Send Me You” is their most perfect song, “Sex (I’m a Lesbian)” was the first track from them that I ever ran across while silently tapping at my keyboard after everyone else had gone to bed. It’s frenetic energy rises and ebbs, bringing the listener to an abrupt crescendo that leaves you gasping. 

Much like an orgasm. 

Listening to The Butchies reminds me of a very simple adage: fuck ‘em. I owe no one an explanation for who I am. 

If you ever look them up, they are also quite attractive. I highly recommend it. 

The late 90′s had rather a zeitgeist of queer culture coming to the public. Peter Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures burst on the scene, leaving everyone stunned that such a horrific murder could be made into such a beautiful movie. Lillith Faire was touring - and releasing compilation albums. 

I had the chance to snag one of those compilation samplers. Lillith Fair 1998 New Music Sampler had as track three “Everything for Free” from K’s Choice. 

From the moment I first heard Sarah Betten’s voice, I was captivated. Fronting the band along with her brother Gert, The band took a break a year after Sarah came out in 2002. They have formed and re-formed in the years since, and her solo work was able to be heard in numerous places, including on queer shows. K’s Choice did also perform “Virgin State of Mind” on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It is difficult to say which era of the band, or which of her solo songs is my favorite. At different times, each one has spoken to me in different ways. “Stay” is a beautifully sweet and romantic mid tempo ballad. “Come Over Here” with its driving bass and drum simplicity gets stuck in the head incessantly. “Killing Dragons” has some of the best harmonies I’ve ever heard. “Hide” gets me through some incredibly dark times. 

watch me, I’m coming closer

I am the mood you’re in tonight...

The first song I heard, however, remains near the top of the list. It’s story is not initially complex until it becomes clear that the narrator may or may not require institutionalization. It may just be a gay kid, locked up because their parents don’t want to deal with learning who their child is. It may be someone who’s had a break from reality. Realizing that the narrator is unreliable throws the entire song off kilter and completely transforms it from a straightforward tale to layered and mysterious. 

To bring it full circle, K’s Choice did do a song based on Heavenly Creatures. It’s called “Winners”. 

we will be winners, our heads glued together

and all is indefinite in you

In 1992, Nakayoshi magazine printed the first act of Bishoujo Senshi SailorMoon, finishing in 1996. In August of 1993, Bishoujo Senshi SailorMoon Musical Gaidan Dark Kingdom Fukkatsu Hen was staged. For the next thirteen years, the musicals, or Myu as they are colloquially known, were staged. 

The Myu is notable for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that the original cast can be seen on an inside jacket of one of the issues of the original manga. They are canonical every bit as much as the anime is - though the Myu actually took Naoko Takeuchi’s direction. In the third story arc, the Infinity/Mugen/S arc, there are a couple new characters introduced. 

SailorUranus and SailorNeptune. 

They are always presented as a loving lesbian couple, so much so that directors have told the actresses to “Act like you’re married. You are a married couple.” In the Myu, this is seen much more than in other versions. The longest running actresses to play Uranus and Neptune were Nao Takagi and Asami Yuuhka. The two were fan favorites as well, leading to their roles being prominent in multiple musicals. The characters were also given multiple duets or group songs, all of which embraced fully their rampant lesbianism. Of these, the song that blew up the Myu fandom was “Destined Couple”.

A duet between Uranus and Neptune, it takes place as the closing of a fight between the senshi. They are admonishing SailorMoon that sacrifices must be made. The song is a powerful ballad that illustrates the love the two share, and their devotion to their mission of protection. 

Seeing these two for the first time, learning about the musicals and how downright blatant their representation is to this day...

It made me realize that I wasn’t alone. There were people who did feel the way I did, who did think similarly to how I did. It was possible to not be living according to the restrictive gendered norms that I grew up with. I could live as myself, be comfortable with myself, without apology.

Through SailorMoon and Myu fandom, I’ve met and made friends with more people than I ever would have imagined. The first time my wife came over to netflix and chill, the first thing she noticed was a Myu poster. I almost messed it up by correcting her that they’re not “scouts”. Everything went better than expected. 

I still have my Myu dvds. It’s almost time for a rewatch. I’m going to have a couple friends over and introduce them to Hikari Ono, the Lesbian Vampire Ninja Pirate. 

But first, the lesbian soldier love song. This version is a fanvid with Nao and Yuhka singing, but the video is of the current reboot, with Shuu and Sayaka. I chose this one because its subtitled. At the end, it switches to include Nao and Yuhka. 

I came out when I was a teenager. It was a difficult decision. I didn’t honestly know how my mother would take it. I knew she’d had close gay friends before, but I’m her kid. Would she kick me out? Would she stop loving me? Would she be able to accept me for who I am? I went to a record store and bought Melissa Etheridge’s “Yes I Am”. I put it on to play and sat my mother down. I told her. She was quiet for a while, then told me that she loved me and while it might take her a little bit to adjust, it was okay. Everything was okay. She hugged me as I cried in relief. I told her that I’d been worried. It was a catharsis I didn’t realize I needed. I’m significantly older now, and have been able to be there for my mother over the years. I am proud to call myself her kid, and she is proud to have me as her oldest. She loves and accepts me as I am. She told me more about her gay best friend in high school, who died of AIDS in the 80′s. I had always wondered why she’d gone to California when I was little, and why Dad was so upset about it.  When my sisters told Dad that I was out and proud and married to a woman, he put down his dinner fork and stared for a while. When I met up with him a few years later, he’d adjusted and was able to tell me he was happy for me and still loved me. 

I’ve never been shy about who I am. I’ve yelled at more than one person telling me I’m using the wrong bathroom. I surround myself now with good people, who love and respect me. I’m apparently able to make friends easily when we’re in bars and clubs, to my wife’s amusement. I don’t go to gay spaces much anymore. I spent my last birthday in our local Irish pub and made friends with a beer rep who is from the town that makes my all time favorite beer. I have no idea how many beers she bought me. It was magical. 

When I came out to my mother, I would have never imagined that my life now could possibly be the way it is. It is due to her strength and character that I am who I am and that I can stand up and be proud of who I am. 

In that spirit, I am including here “Mama, I’m Strange”. From Melissa Etheridge’s “Breakdown” album, this song resonates strongly with me. I find the message a powerful one, and the upbeat nature of the song lets me sink into the song without further thought. The first time I heard it, I sat stunned and remembered coming out to my mother. 

#random randomness #I had difficulty narrowing this list down #there are a lot of songs that speak to me in different ways #when I'm writing the first thing I have to do is build a playlist to match the mood I want to go for #suppose that's why I like writing songfics #as in fics inspired by songs #not ones where you have the whole song listed out as half the fic