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angstintensifer · 4 months

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The Infinity watch as incorrect quotes.

Gamora: Pip is late again.

Drax: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.

Adam: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.

Heather: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.

Gamora: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.

*Pip bursts through the door* Pip: WHAT TIME IS IT?

Heather: Look guys, I need help.

Drax: Love help?

Pip: Financial help?

Adam: Emotional help?

Gamora: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Gamora*

Gamora: What?

Pip, about Gamora and Adam: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Adam: Excuse me, Pip?

Pip: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Gamora: ...

Heather: I ship it!

Drax: CAN YOU NOT?

Gamora: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Adam and I are dating.

Adam, Heather, Pip, and Drax: *gasp*

Gamora: Adam, why are you surprised?!

Gamora: Time for plan G.

Heather: Don’t you mean plan B?

Gamora: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Pip: What about plan D?

Gamora: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Drax: What about plan E?

Gamora: I’m hoping not to use it. Adam dies in plan E.

Adam: I like plan E.

Pip: Hey, what have you two been doing?

Heather: we were helping Gamora with her wedding vows and we were kicked out of her house for making it inappropriate.

Drax: How is “Nice ass, Adam” inappropriate?

Adam: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Drax: It was Gamora.

Pip: It was Gamora.

Heather: Gamora broke it.

Gamora:

Gamora: ...yOU PROMISED-

Pip: Are we really going to let Heather keep Drax?

Adam: We kept Gamora.

Adam: I didn't drink that much last night.

Pip: You were flirting with Gamora.

Adam: So what? She's my partner.

Pip: You asked if she was single.

Pip: And then you cried when she said she wasn't.

Pip: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...

Gamora: I just wanna fucking marry Adam!!

Gamora, pointing to Adam’s empty room: YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?!?

Pip: I WAS ON BREAK.

Gamora: Something tells me Pip's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

Pip, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Adam isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Heather: What’s something you guys are better than Gamora at?

Adam: Mario Kart.

Pip: Yeah, video games.

Drax: Emotional vulnerability.

Adam: You're a loose cannon, Gamora.

Gamora: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Pip: I think you play by your own rules.

Heather: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

Adam: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Gamora: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Drax is a loose cannon.

Drax: *smashes a chair*

Drax : Fine! Judge all you want but...

Drax , points at Heather : Married a lesbian.

Drax , points at Adam : Left a man at the altar.

Drax , points at Gamora : Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.

Drax , points at

Maxum : Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Drax , points at Pip : Lives in a box!

Adam : Gamora kissed me!

Maxum : Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Adam : It was unbelievable!

Maxum : Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Pip : Okay, we wanna hear everything. Maxum , get the wine and unplug the phone. Adam , does this end well or do we need tissues?

Adam : Oh, it ended very well.

Maxum : Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Pip : Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Adam : Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Pip : Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?

Adam : First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

Maxum and Pip : Ohhh.

*meanwhile* Gamora eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.

Heather : Tongue?

Gamora : Yeah.

Drax : Cool.

Pip : If I fall…

Adam : I’ll be there to catch you.

Heather : *looks at Drax * What if I fall?

Drax : Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Maxum : *watches these two interactions*

Maxum , to Gamora : And if I fall?

Gamora : I’ll be the one who pushed you.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Adam: So, Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Maxum: ...I did.I broke it.

Adam: No, no you didn't. Drax?

Drax: Don't look at me. Look at Heather.

Heather: What?!I didn't break it.

Drax: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Heather: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Drax: Suspicious.

Heather: No, it's not!

Pip: If it matters, probably not, but Gamora was the last one to use it.

Gamora: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Pip: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Gamora: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Pip!

Maxum: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Adam.

Adam: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Drax: Adam... Gamora’s been awfully quiet.

Gamora: REALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Adam, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Adam: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Adam: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Thanos: Adam , what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Adam: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Thanos: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Pip.

Adam: Yo is Thanos sleeping or dead?

Gamora : Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Pip : Yeah, so did I.

Thanos: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Adam: *Gently taps table*

Gamora : *Taps back*

Pip : What are they doing?

Heather: Morse code.

Adam: *Aggressively taps table*

Gamora : *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Adam: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Gamora : ... Your what?

Adam: My friends.

Pip: Are they saying “friends”?

Heather: I think they're being sarcastic.

Drax: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Adam! All of your friends are in this room.

Adam: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Adam: I think we're missing something.

Gamora : Teamwork?

Pip: Cohesion?

Heather : A general sense of what we’re doing?

Adam, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Gamora , pulling out an Uno card: +4

Pip, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Heather, trembling: What are we playing

Adam: You have to apologize to Maxum

Gamora: Fine.

Gamora: unfuck you or whatever

Drax: Hey Adam ,

Adam : Yes?

Drax: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Adam :

Adam : Where’s Pip?

Gamora : If you want my advice-

Heather : No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.

Gamora : First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me.

Adam : It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Adam , holding a rock: Gamora just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Pip : If you don't marry her, I will.

Adam , pointing at Heather : Are they a Freak (derogatory)?

Adam , pointing at Phyla : Or a Freak (affectionate)?

Gamora : Why not both?

Adam , to Gamora : You’re so right, Freak (double-edged sword)!

Heather : Why is Adam crying on the floor?

Phyla : They're drunk.

Heather : And?

Phyla : They saw a picture of Gamora 's spouse. Heather : But they're Gamora 's spouse.

Phyla : I know.

Adam : *sees Phyla and Heather together*

Adam : They're cute. I would put them on a boat.

Gamora : You mean... you ship them?

Adam : I love you. Gamora : I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Adam and Gamora kiss passionately*

Pip , to Drax : You owe me 20 dollars

Gamora : That's ridiculous, Adam doesn't have a crush on me.

Heather : Yes they do.

Pip : Yes they do.

Adam : Yes I do.

Heather : Why do you look like that?

Adam , laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Heather : Like you’re dead.

Adam : It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Pip: Adam accidentally called Gamora “babe” in front of everyone today.

Adam : *sobs into the floor*

Phyla : *about Adam and Gamora * They make a cute couple, huh?

Heather : They certainly are standing next to each other.

Heather : The floor is lava!

Phyla : *helps Adam onto the counter*

Peter: *kicks Gamora off the sofa*

Gamora : *lays on the floor*

Mantis : ... Are you okay?

Gamora : No.

Pip : Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Heather : It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Gamora : Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Adam : My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Peter: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Phyla : Mental stability, my old friend!

Pip : Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Heather : What's worse than a heartbreak?

Pip : Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Drax : Waking up in the morning.

Adam : Waking up.

Gamora : Waking up in the morning...

Gamora : And seeing Maxum.

Maxum: Hey! Rude!!

Adam: Stressed.

Gamora : Depressed.

Maxum: Possessed.

Heather : Obsessed.

Pip : Impressed.

Drax : Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Drax : I just wanted to join in.

#marvel #Warlock and the infinity watch #adam warlock #Pip gofern #gamora #heather douglas #phyla vell #peter quill #drax the destroyer #marvel comics #marvel incorrect quotes #Infinity watch my beloved #thanos #Gamora x Adam Warlock #Adamora #Phyla vell x Heather Douglas #Phylaheather #Mantis marvel

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